The Most Disappointing Records of 2014

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It’s Christmas Eve. Are you excited for what Santa will bring you tomorrow? Too bad. You ain’t getting shit for Christmas.

2014 is almost in the books. We’ve celebrated the very best albums of the year with our writers, editors, community, and celebrity guests. We’ve picked the smelliest whiff of the year. All that’s left is crushing disappointment. What records left you a stanky bag of coal this year? Let us know below.

Joe Thrashnkill

Cruel HandThe Negatives

Lock & Key and Prying Eyes are two brilliantly catchy thrash-y hardcore records that you should listen to. With The Negatives, Cruel Hand made the baffling decision to abandon their signature sound to play dumbed down hard rock. Why??

Masterlord

AgallochThe Serpent and The Sphere

At the beginning of the year, three things were 100% certain in my mind. One, I wasn’t going to adopt a stupid, obese cat. Two, I was going to save my money like a responsible adult. Three, Agalloch wouldn’t let me down. As it turns out, I really suck at predictions. Having spent a considerable amount of time fawning over everything they’ve ever released, and personally appraising Faustian Echoes (the EP directly preceding The Serpent and The Sphere) as some of their best work, this year’s bummer was as unexpected as it was disappointing. It’s certainly not the worst album on this list, but it’s meandering in a bad way and almost entirely devoid of the exceptional songcraft I’ve come to expect from the masters. “Plateau of Ages” is a decent post-rock song, but it’s not Agalloch. Even after a desperate number of repeated listens, The Serpent and The Sphere never gripped me. Coming from one of the most consistently gripping bands in modern metal, I just don’t know what happened.

W.

OpethPale Communion

Pale Communion by Opeth was my most disappointing album of the year. It isn’t that I don’t like some prog, but Akerfeldt tried a little too hard to emulate past bands. This album was totally safe, and it bored me to tears.

Jack Bauer

BABYMETALBABYMETAL

I forced myself to listen to it when it came out to see what was so fucking special about it. Turns out NOTHING, NOTHING IS SPECIAL AND IT SUCKS. Also, Starkill‘s Virus of the Mind. It was just so unexpectedly bland. The first single they dropped was amazing and then the rest of the album is just so oddly focused with clean vocals that just seem out of place and wrong.

Randall Thor

MyrkurMyrkur

What happens when labels hype a band with no substance or writing ability.

JAG

SepticfleshTitan

I love this band but this was a really uninspired snoozefest.

Simon Pheonix

Infinitum ObscureAscension to the Luminous Black

The album is kind of boring and meanders with too many dull atmospheric passages. None of the aggression or passion that they showed on the last two albums. Even worse was how they handled the release. It was supposed to come out on vinyl via Doomenta Records and CD via Deathgasm Records. IN AUGUST. It came out on vinyl in October. It STILL hasn’t come out on CD yet. There isn’t even any news of it on Deathgasm’s website. Has the band done anything about this like confront Deathgasm about it? Nothing. All they did was brush off their fans that kept asking about the album on Facebook like “The album may come out, or it may never come out. Tough titties for anyone who doesn’t have a record player. Buy our merch.”

The problem I have with this album is the exact same problem I have with Morbus Chron‘s Sweven; if you’re going to drastically alter your sound, you need to have the songwriting skills to back it up. The only two remotely interesting songs on the record are the sixth track “Voyage Into the Obsidian Seas Of Diuturnity”, and the closing track “Last Cognition, Vanishing”. The rest is just bleh.

Your Logic is Flushed

The ContortionistLanguage

I should preface this by saying that I have never been a fan of this band. I saw them open for bands multiple times, when they were playing songs from their previous album, and I was moderately tolerant of their sound. There were multiple minute long stretches where I could leave, go get another beer from the bar, and go back to the show while they never broke from the same snooze inducing groove, but there were also some shining moments. I always thought “some day I will be a fan of this band once they cut all the bullshit.” But they didn’t. And alas, they are now headlining for bands that I would like to see. At least I can leave early.

365 Days of Horror

Cavalera ConspiracyPandemonium

Not really a disappointment since I didn’t expect much, but Cavalera Conspiracy’s “Pandemonium” is just no good. The bloom is definitely off the rose for the Max/Igor Cavalera reunion. Despite having the versatile (and criminally underrated) Marc Rizzo on guitars, “Pandemonium” is just a blur with zero catchiness or memorability. It’s straightforward to a fault and by the end, you can’t differentiate between the first and the last song. These facts are compounded when the two best and most memorable songs “Deus Ex Machina” and “Porra” are just bonus tracks.

CyberneticOrganism

Devin Townsend ProjectZ2

Definitely Z2. I don’t consider myself a Devin fanboy, but the first Ziltoid record was such a surprisingly fun & unique offering it was hard not to create an attachment to it. Z2 bulldozes over its relatively simple predecessor with layer upon layer of choirs, choruses, reverb, choirs, synths, narrations and more choirs until the songs are an impossibly huge wall-of-Broadway-scifi-rock-opera-sound. And that’s not even counting the second (related? unrelated?) disc of the album. This was an opportunity to create a “Terminator 2” to the first record’s “Terminator.” Instead we got the Star Wars prequels.

MoshOff

DecapitatedBlood Mantra


I don’t hide the fact that I’m a huge Decapitated fanboy: Organic Hallucinosis is one of my favorite albums of all time, and although Carnival Is Forever is not nearly as good a record as its predecessor, I f
ound it to be pretty enjoyable. So my expectations were high-ish for Blood Mantra; I think I haven’t been this disapointed by anything since I found out Santa wasn’t real. Vogg’s groove tendencies are as evident as ever on this album, but that wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing if the songs weren’t so horribly BORING. “Blindness” is 8 minutes of a third-rate Meshuggah riff over tom drumming. That’s literally all that happens for 8 minutes. Just, wow. The only song I think is worth anyone’s time is “The Blasphemous Psalm to the Dummy God Creation” (whatever that’s supposed to mean). The rest of the album is good, if you like Pantera mixed with Meshuggah and a heaping spoonful of DULL. Which you’re allowed to, by the way. Just keep it away from me.

Christian Molenaar

ArchspireThe Lucid Collective

A certain somebody said a lot of things about it on some blog I used to read…I listened and flushed, heartily.

Stockhausen

DecapitatedBlood Mantra

I’m forever and ever a Decapitated fan. I’ve loved everything of theirs from Winds of Creation all the way through Carnival is Forever, so naturally I was expecting big things for Blood Mantra. While I didn’t think it was a bad record on the whole, it just wasn’t the Decapitated throat punch I’ve come to know and love from everyone’s favorite Poles. It pains me to say it, but it wasn’t what I hoped for from one of my longtime favorites, and that unfortunate truth hit me right in my blackened heart. However, Vogg was absolutely brilliant on this year’s Lux Occulta album, and I’ll still wear my Decapitated shirts with pride. And maybe a single teardrop.

HessianHunter

Milk White ThroatDeath of Beauty

Death Of Beauty by Milk White Throat was a big letdown. It was good, but their self-titled debut from a few years ago was one of the most powerful independent releases I’ve ever heard. It was an impeccably crafted and emotionally compelling prog-doom masterpiece. They lost their main vocalist/saxophonist though, who in my mind is among the greats like Travis Ryan and Devin Townsend. Their riffs also got less doomy and more like Coheed And Cambria-style modern prog. Perhaps unfairly, Death Of Beauty has been flushed in my disappointed tears. : (

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  • Second most disappointing record: Fallujah. My disappointment was the result of endless hyping from a bunch of the untrve claiming it to be the best album, by far, this year. I finally listened it, and recoiled in horror when it did not sound like Manowar. HAIL AND KILL, MANOWARRIORS

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B6pVhFa4-Pc

    • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

      Bad, bad sound and a little ungood songwriting make Fallujah go boo boo.

      • The best part about my post is people being reluctant to agree with me because they also hate Manowar

        • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

          I don’t hate them. I just want to murder them in a cruel and violent manner. With reckless passion.

          • Do you hear that? That’s the sound of the breeze from beyond the doors of the hall, beckoning for you to leave the hall and join the false outside

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            Manowar is too full of themselves to realize they’ve became pathetic posers along the way.

          • Go on, get out!

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            I’ll get out… of this Grand Hall of Poserdom!

          • KJM

            We have room for you in the Opium Temple of Saturn, friend.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            I’m your man.

          • A respected, but distant friend https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3NKCQCOdgw

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            This song rules plentiful bottoms.

          • Herr Schmitty

            The False and I will blast that Fallujah album as we storm the hall and behead the trve. ISIS Militants will stand in awe of our fantastic beheadings!

            VIOLENCE WILL RULE THE DAY!

          • Do you know what trveness the hall contains? If you come at the king, you best not miss

          • Herr Schmitty

            I never miss.
            (cue weird David Carradine grin, implying that his inability to miss extends to fertilizing human eggs)

          • CHOPPED IN HEAAAUUUGHHH

          • Stockhausen

            John Tardy is second only to Sean Beasley in unintelligible enunciation.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I think a good old abdication would be nice this christmas.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Not everone in the False likes Fallujah

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            Falsejah! Jamal!

          • i quite enjoy the new Fallutio! i find it interesting that everyone was on their nuts for the Nomadic EP and then fell off for Flush Prevails!

          • Guacamole Jim

            With PRETTY RECKLESS passion?? ohhohohohohohohohoh

            Where’s Conan? He’ll back me up on this. Oh wait — xtra butthrt.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            BACK you UP, xtra BUTThurt. Are you suggesting what I think you are?

    • Guacamole Jim

      The funny thing was, I didn’t hear any hype about it, read an article, and decided to check it out. I totally dug it (obviously, since ’twas on my top ten). I’ve found a lot of the time that if something is too hyped up, even if it was good, it feels like a letdown. I’m glad I missed all of that with this album.

      PS – Manowar is lolbuttz

      • I would demand that you leave the hall if I didn’t require something to dip my tortilla chips in.

        • Guacamole Jim

          *sighs*
          okay man.

          *bends over*
          *goatse time*

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Anus approved.

          • Guacamole Jim

            I should have known you were in league with goatse. Something about your name gave me a clue…

          • lolbuttz

            lolbuttz

      • That’s exactly what my issue was. People were saying “OH MAN BEST ALBUM, THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING, BLAUGH” typical absurd hyperbole people use, so a lot of us had these very high expectations that were unfair.

        Also, you don’t even like Running Wild so your opinion means nothing to me

        • I need to listen to Running Wild. Strangely enough, my dad gave me about 100 CDs he found while cleaning the basement. Amongst a shit ton of dad rock and a couple Iron Maiden albums, the entire discography of Running Wild was in there (minus the last three albums).

      • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

        Fallujah’s latest release was incredible. I hated the production though.

        • Guacamole Jim

          That was my number one complaint about it. Regardless, I felt the stellar songwriting really shone through.

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            I’m still really sad that I got to Summer Slaughter late and didn’t see their set. I have yet to see them and that’s also very sad.

          • Guacamole Jim

            Same here. I found out about them after they’d already run their Canadian cycle. I’m pretty sure they came to Edmonton too…

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            When I go to concerts I have to travel about 2 hours to the city of San Francisco. The traffic is usually horrible and finding parking is an absolute nightmare.

          • Stockhausen

            I really liked the writing style. I wish the vocals were more varied and the production wasn’t terrible, but I liked the album.

          • Guacamole Jim

            The vocals felt to me like they weren’t important as vocals, if that makes sense. They created an atmosphere that I think helped the music along, but they didn’t stand out in any way – which I think was the point. The whole album (terrible production aside) feels like it was designed so that no one part would ever stand out, and the music was to be listened to as a complete sound.

      • One of the reasons why I never watch trailers, play demos, or listen to many singles. I want to take everything in the context of what I’m experiencing.

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan

      I love Manowar so much. I did not love this album.

      • Really? Kings of Metal is ace material. What do you prefer?

        EDIT: I just realized you meant Fallujah

        • Janitor Jim Dvggan

          That is what I meant.

  • Edward #negrod4eva

    The year’s most disappointing records on Christmas Eve?

    Toilet Ov Freud is v grvm and br00tal, lol

  • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

    Primus: Charlie and the Crap ass slow boring ass Chocolate factory. Yawn….10/10 flushes! Poor attempt Les..

    • KJM

      Really? That’s too bad. I’ll stick with their classic material.

    • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

      I liked it, kinda. Definitely feels like Les’ solo album and not Primus album tho.

      • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

        Good point…it just dragged too much for me.

        • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

          The film where Primus version has been used to replace the OST is funny tho

          • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

            that sounds interesting tho…

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            Given that it IS a soundtrack it doesn’t maybe work as well without the picture.

          • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

            And I love the movie…I was really hoping he would just slap dat bass a little. I mean he is Les Claypool.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            THAT was a disappointment.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            It disappointed me as much as the cover of Sgt Pepper’s that the Flaming Lips did.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            Nah, it was nothing special. But I didn’t expect the Bible 2

    • VVorld Peace

      Sadly, I’m with you, clown.

      • Guacamole Jim

        It was a great disappointment. But I saw Primus a couple of years ago now, and it was like someone chopped off their energy, right at the balls. The whole thing felt flat. Then Green Naughyde came out, and I realized that my analysis of their concert was spot on.

  • KJM

    My biggest Metal disappointment this year was Sharie Neyland leaving The Wounded Kings about 3 months after they put out one of my favorite discs this year(Consolamentum). TWK brought back their original vocalist and he is just not suitable to sing those newer songs.

  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

    Everything is disappointing.

    • Herr Schmitty

      Life is disappointing.
      Humans aren’t even disappointing, they’re just objectively garbage. Well, except me. I’m fucking great 😉

    • Malted Hate

      IF everything is disappointing its because you expect better things from the world.
      Your a DREAMER, kid, never give up.

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        Dreaming is for lifelovers.

      • Janitor Jim Dvggan

        Larry The Cable Guy is terrible. I hate him so much.

        • Metaphysical Anus

          I’m afraid I have to agree with you, honey.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            He’s the fucking worst.

          • Virgil the Ghost Poet

            Did you hear David Cross’s open letter to Larry the Cable Guy? If not check it out.

        • Mother Shabubu III

          To quote a baffled and enraged Greg Giraldo at the Larry the Cable Guy roast, “How the FUCK ARE YOU SO POPULAR???!”

      • Malted Hate

        Knowing close to nothing about this guy, I’m pretty sure (at least I hope) that he’s a satirical impression of dumb rednecks… is he?

        • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

          I doubt it.

        • MoshOff

          Not in the slightest.

        • Not really. He’s a lowest common denominator depiction of his own audience.

        • i wish that were true. however it might not be 100% false, as this IS a character (in the 80’s he was just a regular stand-up comic named Dan Whitney). he’s been donning this character for years now, as it has made him a millionaire.

          • Malted Hate

            Oh ok. I was just reading some info on wikipedia and it said something about his fake southern accent so I though it could be the case.

    • Guacamole Jim
      • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

        Whack-a-mole Kim. Nothing is awesome.

        • Guacamole Jim

          EVERYTHING IS COOL WHEN YOU’RE PART OF A TEAM

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            THE A-TEAM!? I PITY YOU FOOLS!

      • Gurrp

        No lie, this was probably my favorite thing of 2014.

      • Simon PhoenixKing

        DAMNIT!!! THE SONG WAS FINALLY OUT OF MY HEAD. WHY DID YOU BRING IT BACK?

        DAMN YOOOOOOOUUUUU!!!

      • JWG

        There’s an easy 2015 prediction:

        The overemphasis on deconstructive themes that took off especially due to the Lego Movie (and Wreck it Ralph) will inevitably be run into the ground and ruin all possible meaningfulness it had as a writer’s device; because Hollywood’s yes-men never seem to think that maybe something that worked once or twice should only be used sparingly.

        And it was used sparingly up until those two (though I will accept arguments that Despicable Me and Megamind were the true one-two kick that got it going). But not anymore.

        I half expect the next Star Wars movie to spend half its running time showing us that the Sith really aren’t as bad as past depictions suggested.

        • EsusMoose

          Deconstruction themes have been rather prevalent lately but I think the problem more so is the intensity of people to look for those themes. Hell the fact it’s thrown around as much as it is gets annoying. I don’t see many movies in theater so I lack the experience of seeing hollywood’s garbage film type of the year(e.g. gritty dark fairy tales, hero movies soon enough)

      • Janitor Jim Dvggan

        Curse you! This won’t leave my head for a week now. This song is the equivalent of Everybody Have Fun Tonight by Wang Chung of whom I hate now.

  • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

    I was eagerly anticipating the new Ne Obliviscaris, and when I listened to it the first time I loved it, loved it with all of my voidful heart. The next day, I listened to it again. Again the day after that. And then, I had no desire to ever listen to that record again. I haven’t listened to it since then. I don’t know what happened, maybe it was the lackluster production, maybe I should give it another spin, maybe the record isn’t as good as I thought. After that I listened to Gazpacho again which is fucking excellent and them not getting more attention on here is a fucking crime. FUCK https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vfDGPhxJu0

  • Malted Hate

    Pallbearer – Foundations of Burden

    I’m a doom fan, some of my favorite bands are doom bands but I’m specifically more inclined for the black magic/Weed type of doom, and less for the dopey, sad, depressed side of the spectrum (Although I fucking love Yob, and clearing the path to ascend might be my favorite record this year).
    Having said that, I was really curious about Pallbearer because of the hype that surrounds that band.
    I found it pretty boring. I really dig the main riff of the first song of the album but the rest just doesn’t do it for me… I listened all the way though and honestly I don’t remember anything from that record. Maybe I should give it a few more spins… but all in all, its the most disappointing album I’ve heard all year.

    • I’ve seen very mixed opinions on that one. Some say the haters are stupid, some say the fanboys are stupid.

      • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

        I say everyone who thinks Pallbearer was worth a mention, bad or good, is stupid.

        • Their first album was excellent

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            I did not like most of that either. Better than Burden, but overrated anyway.

          • Malted Hate

            Now THAT is a crushing record.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            a new Cough album next year would be greatly appreciated

          • Malted Hate

            I second that.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            This is better.

          • Darn right it is

    • KJM

      Black Magic/Weed Doom? You’re my kind of guy/gal/entity! I didn’t care for that disc either.

    • CT-12

      I’ve actually warmed more up to this album as I’ve been listening to it more. “The Ghost I Used to be” has one of my favorite riffs of this year, and I like that this album got more to the point than their first. Give ‘er some more spins

  • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

    Only SCRUBS celebrate Christmas on 25th, I’ve already opened my “presents”!

    • Edward #negrod4eva

      That’s cool but you also come from the future.

      • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

        And Finland always on 24th, that I believe has a bigger impact.

    • Metaphysical Anus

      What did you get?

      • He got a metaphysical spleen. You have some competition. I hear the spleen doesn’t like Britney Spears either.

        • Metaphysical Anus

          Oh Jack, you silly goose.

          • mollusk*

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            Are your mad at Christian for flushing Archspire? I know you love Archspire.

          • If I got mad at everything Christian flushed I would be an endless pit of rage.

      • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

        Some chocolate, Dishonored and a gift card. It was a plentiful harvest. You get anything?

        • Metaphysical Anus

          Nope. I gave my dogs some treats.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            Not even a colonoscopy? Poor Anus.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Jag really don’t need anything.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            What’s JAG got to do with this.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            My shitmas has been ruined.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            Why was it ruined?

          • KJM

            Dood, Kevin Nash and his son got arrested last night in some kind of domestic violence weirdness.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I told you about that. I saw it on Facebook and gave you the link in one of these comments.

          • KJM

            Guess I missed that one

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Really? Jim, control your friends!

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I don’t really talk to Nash that much. I wouldn’t be surprised if he powerbombed his kid through a table and tore his quads while doing so.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            *Performs a dance of joy*

          • Metaphysical Anus

            *goes behind the sauna, a loud shot is heard*

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            Piti lakasta liat, Ei lahdata siat! Voi Prrkele!

          • Metaphysical Anus

            This comment includes violnce against animals, I’m calling PETA!

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            PETA is an abbatoir, just like that ‘murican animal rights facility.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I have a miniature schnauzer. His name is Wally.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Nice.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I also have three cats named Mittens, Olivia and Mama. They’re adorable.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

        • Gurrp

          Dishonored >>>>>>

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            Haven’t touched it yet, but I’ve heard good things of it.

  • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

    Myrkur mentioned in a not-good-light, get ready for SJW’s!

    • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

      Simon Phoenix, I didn’t like Sweven either, until last week, when I relaised it flushing rules! Fight me!

      • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

        Sweven rules butts. I kept coming back to that record throughout the year.

      • Malted Hate

        Still need to listen to Sweven. Had high hopes when the album was announced and because they were on a similar path like Tribulation…
        But my excitement went away for some reason. I think I’ve listened to one song and didn’t find it anything special so I kind of forgot about the whole record.

        • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

          As I pointed, similar happened to me. But it proved itself worthy in the trial of flushes.

    • My magic steel is ready

    • Pagliacci is Kvlt/Elite

      I shall vent my rage with a private Tweet!!!

      • Guacamole Jim

        LOL

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan

      I have my 2X4 ready tough guy! Hooooooooooooooooo!

  • Pagliacci is Kvlt/Elite

    Alcest dropped a big stinker to kick the year off wrong. Les Voyages de L’Âme was magical, Shelter was just meh.

    • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

      As everything that is French and taken and made engrish.

    • Malted Hate

      more like Les Voyages de LAME

      • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

        malted hate, dont make me hate you.

        Paggy, Shelter isn’t that bad. If you look at it as a post-rock album rather than a post-bm album (like escailles des lune) it is more enjoyable. You’re right though, going from les voyages de l’ame to shelter is a bit of a letdown

        • Malted Hate

          Just a lame attempt at an easy joke.
          I have no ill feeling towards Alcest, although its not really my thing.

        • Pagliacci is Kvlt/Elite

          I’m listening to it at work right now, trying to give it a second chance. It’s a middle of the road post-rock album at best. If it was anyone else but Alcest I’d say it’s good, but I expected better from Alcest.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            Just put it on track 08 “Deliverance,” easily the best track on the album

          • Pagliacci is Kvlt/Elite

            I will admit I like the track with the dude from Slowdive doing vocals. I wouldn’t mind an entire project by him and Neige called something other than Alcest.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            I’ve talked erbody’s ear off about the new Lantlos (sans-Neige), and that album is beyond killer without his influence. But a Slowdive/Alcest collab would be amerzing

          • Gurrp

            Is it as warm and sunny as the cover would suggest?

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            For a post-rock band i’d say it’s quite warm.

      • Janitor Jim Dvggan

        I disagree. I hate the genres that call themselves post anything but that was an awesome album.

    • Howard Dean

      Alcest peaked with L’Ecailles de Lune. That was a great album, and their best by.a considerable margin. I still listen to that album.

  • Janitor Jim Dvggan

    I’m happy Siren Charms is not on this list because if it was I’d be sad.

    • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

      It’s not on this list because everyone expects In Flames to be bad.

      • Janitor Jim Dvggan

        I love that album so much. You make me sad. I agree that Decapitiated was a disappointment though.

      • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

        Hubert hey! Santa Claus in Finnish is Joulupukki; the literal translation of which is Christmas Goat!

        • Metaphysical Anus

          In the old days they dressed like goats, am I right?

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            Kekripukki, the predecessor of Santa did.

        • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

          That’s cool

    • That’s because In Flames sucking wasn’t a surprise.

      • Janitor Jim Dvggan

        Are me and GL the only defenders of that great album left? That album was so good!

        • Scrimm

          Negatory.

        • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

          I also enjoyed Siren Charms lad 🙂

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            Yay! Another enjoyer of Siren Charms!

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            Fun Fact: In my phone I have a selfie of me and Waylon from Mushroomhead at Mayhem fest when he was sing in the crowd.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I met Waylon when I saw Mushroomhead in 2013. I had a photo with him which is lost somewhere.

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            They were fun live. My dream in life used to be to be on the bill for Mayhem fest because they party so hard. But then I realized you have to be in a somewhat successful band 🙁

        • You know quality of the music aside, Sony released the digibook version with some pretty egregious mastering errors. It’s bad enough that the production was so fucking atrocious (like pretty much every IF album–I think they do it themselves and imagine they’re engineers or something) but a major record label releasing a defective product with no quality control is inexcusable. One song was actually the proper volume level and the rest, brickwalled as they were, were quite a bit quieter.

          I don’t think the Spotify version suffers from this but I feel for anyone who actually spent money on a hard copy of that album.

      • Lacertilian

        I like your straight to the point approach, whereas @disqus_kqxyUNPxty:disqus subtley canned it.

        • VVorld Peace

          Jack is a no-nonsense kind of guy.

          • Lacertilian

            Makes sense, there’s not much subtlety in the weedlies & deedlies. I like it.

    • VVorld Peace

      The album didn’t disappoint me. It completely met my expectations.

  • I made this for Metal Sucks

    • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

      Fvck Vince and his love of Baby metal.

      • I predict they’ll be ultra butthurt in a few years when Baby Metal abandons any trace of metal in their sound and are touring with Justin Beiber. I truly believe this will happen.

        • Stockhausen

          I predict they’ll still find some way to fawn over them, saying they’re true pioneers who aren’t afraid of backlash or some garbage like that.

        • JWG

          Since that one’s taken, I’ll wager instead that The One That Sings will be replaced this year. Nobody will notice the difference.

  • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

    You rustled my jimmies hard with this, Masterpants. Real hard.

    • The hit beard flutters, friend.

      • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

        I’m glad you edited that because I’m hungover too much for a riddle.

        • Anything for you.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            You should give your little 8 bit warrior king a krvmpvs hat, like Great Dawkins, Creator of the Universe here.

          • DEATH FIRST.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            He should give his son some steel with which to slay Dawkins with.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            *dawkins immediately assesses the molecules in the air and in the steel, using witchcraft, magick, and alchemy to transform the molecules and creates a cute new breed of puppy out of the sword.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I hate Dawkins so much. Catholicism for life!

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            You dont have to like The One True Prophet Dawkins, JJD

          • Metaphysical Anus

            The One True Prophet still loves everyone.

          • KSoFM??

          • Metaphysical Anus

            No, my slutty aunt,

          • mmmmmmmmm, i like slvts

          • …said noone ever (the second part)

          • Lacertilian

            too much evidence in the way of an old story?

          • i hate christmas… but i love you. krvmpvs hat installed!

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            FUCK YEAH, JIMMY

  • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

    Mine was “At War With Reality”. I loved “Slaughter of the Souls” and there was so much hype. The record was incredible bland and I still really want my $10 back.

  • For me, Earth Crisis – Salvation of The Innocents. I was hyped on the previous two albums with the expectation that they’d continue on the path of making relevant metal core. Instead they shit the bed with a generic cookie cutter turd.

    • CT-12

      Yo man, I haven’t heard a lot of people talk about this album, some pretty good hardcore, though definitely not reinventing the wheel or anything. Worth a once-over (note: Joe, you should check this album out as well). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LP3v4E3HvOc

  • Malted Hate

    Was also slightly disappointed with the Soma Ep from Bölzer, until I realized it rules (didn’t take too long). Cannot be more excited for the debut next year.

    • it’s just going to be difficult for any band, nonetheless Bolzer, to beat the riff from Entranced by the Wolfshook

      • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

        I think many will be left disapponted by the first LP, which will be good but not as mindblowing as many will want it. This is natural since they have released two Ep’s but no longer profit from being new to the block. However I think by third or second LP a core group of fans will have re-taken them as the new messiahs.

        • Malted Hate

          Couldn’t agree more.
          I personally have little doubts that I’ll love that record.
          Their riffs are so idiosyncratic, plus I love the vocals and the lyrics/themes.
          I might need to adjust my expectations, but I have no doubt that if the record doesn’t blow my mind right away, I’ll probably warm up to it fairly quickly.

        • CT-12

          I think Bolzer need to trim the fat sometimes. Their longer songs may provide a dynamic, but they’re usually way weaker in comparison to their shorter ones. Just an observation..

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            Hmm, while I think “Steppes” and “Entranced” are their best songs, I think they need to spend a long time delving some of their ideas.
            I think disappointment will be caused by people realizing they are not the third coming of Jesus after all. Hoping that LP will have both short and long songs.

          • CT-12

            Completely agreed (especially with the song choice), I hope they really sit down and do what’s best for their songs. Also, btw, when I said long songs, I meant the longest in their recorded output so far (“The Great Unifier” and “Labyrinthian Graves”, both are pretty meh to me).

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            I know you meant TGU and LG, of those songs I spoke too.

          • CT-12

            Just thought I’d clarify homie

          • Simon PhoenixKing

            I actually agree with this fully. I seem to prefer songs like “Entranced…” and “Steppes” over songs like “Labyrinthine Graves”.

            Though I do like “The Great Unifier.”

    • CT-12

      I wasn’t too thrilled with “Labyrinthian Graves”, just lingered a little too long for me (I think their best songs are their shorter ones). Otherwise, fucking “Steppes” is definitely one of my favorite songs of the year, without question.

      • Malted Hate

        I can definitely see where you’re coming from. Those songs are both the least enjoyable of both EP’s, and while I definitely felt Labyrinthian Graves wasn’t that good at first, I’ve come to really enjoy that song, although it could definitely be shorter…

        By the way, don’t know if you listened to this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gh7hU9yVAdY&feature=youtu.be

        Sounds like half a song to me.

        • CT-12

          First off, thank you very much for posting that song, sounds fucking dope, and I agree, maybe could use a little more length. I’ll have to re-listen to “Labyrinthian” and I do like “The Great Unifier” but yeah, definitely the weakest song off of Aura.

          • Malted Hate

            No problem, man.

            From what I understand that song if from a sampler, with all the songs being in that length. Not sure if its a song written specifically for the sampler, a discarded song, or half a song from the upcoming LP (not sure if its something a band would do…).
            Sounds pretty great to my ears too.

          • CT-12

            Just checked it out on bandcamp, interesting concept for a compilation album, I like it. Hopefully just a discarded track or quickly made track as you said, would be foolish to take it any further unless it had significant additions. This song is proof though that I’d rather have a short amount of a good thing than a long ass monotonous heap of a good thing.

  • Warheart

    Solefald, the masters of craziness and chaos released a long awaited EP “Norrønasongen – Kosmopolis Nord” that it’s not crazy and not chaotic and it’s not so bad but just boring as hell.

    Fortunately (??) the new single it’s fucking nuts, definitely more interesting, so hopefully the new album won’t be so bad.

    • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

      I thought Nord was dumb too! Haven’t heard the single though.

      • Warheart

        You should, and believe me, it’s pure madness, do it with an open mind.

        • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

          I need to check it out.

          • Warheart

            You can listen to it here, it’s on Spotify also.

            http://www.ztmag.com/blog/news/?p=23206

          • Metaphysical Anus

            It sure was an interesting song.

          • Warheart

            Yeah, that’s for sure, I didn´t like it much at first, but it gets better with every listen.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            My first reaction was “WAHT TEH FUKC” but after a few listens I started quite enjoying it. Oh man, can’t wait for the album.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            It’s… intriguing

    • Metaphysical Anus

      I’m waiting for the new album. Got in pre-ordered.

  • Ziltoid2 takes the cake here. it’s Devin on auto-pilot. as many have said before, he needs to take a little more time betwixt releases to write better songs. quality >> quantity

    • Guacamole Jim

      Agreed, though I do like a couple of the tunes on the first disc.

    • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

      Devin Townsend is the worst. That is all.

    • Howard Dean

      Sky Blue was the better half of the double album. Z2 itself was kinda meh.

  • Matt Damon

    MATT DAMON

    • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

      TIM LAMBESIS!

      • KJM

        DAVID GVNN!!!(not available in Canada)

      • tertius_decimus

        TED NUGENT!

        • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

          CAT SCRATCH FEVER?

          • tertius_decimus

            I hate cats.

          • interrogation room!

          • tertius_decimus

            NO, PAHLEEEASE, NO!

          • Lacertilian

            This may be one of the only ways to rustle @James_Jimmy_McNulty:disqus.
            Fuck cats.
            Lizards will reclaim the earth.

        • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

          If You Can’t Lick ‘Em…Lick ‘Em?

    • M Shadows!

      M Shadows!

      • Mother Shabubu III

        Matt Sanders!

        • M Shadows!

          That’s Matthew to you buddy!

  • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

    Gotsta agree with JAG, that’s the only one I expected good deeds of. That and Opeth, but Opeth was good.

    • Opeth was really good. I wasn’t bored at all with the high level of musicianship, excellent production, and memorable songwriting.

      No disrespect to my homeboy W. but I never personally know what he means when he says things are “safe.” It’s occasionally interesting to me when a band throws you a weird-ass curveball of an album, but I don’t want all my music to sound like a try-hard train wreck.

      …but anyway: anybody who thinks Titan is anywhere near as good as The Great Mass, Sumerian Daemoins, or even Communion should hit me up. I have an unplayed copy of the double-vinyl LP that I preordered. It’s just wasting space in my record collection.

      • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

        I agree with all of this 110%

  • tertius_decimus

    No wonder why Decapitated failed. This is completely another band. After car accident they would have disbanded but Vogg decided to continue. Lux Occulta was awesome this year though…

    • Guacamole Jim

      Lux Occulta was fucking phenomenal. Thanks to Stockhausen for putting me on to that.

      • tertius_decimus

        It reminded me of Dakha Brakha, Ukrainian folk band. They always had that Gogol’s horror-tale vibe seen in last Lux Occulta album. Wonder if Vogg was influenced by them.

        http://www.dakhabrakha.com.ua/

    • Karnivool is Forever was a good’un doe!

      • Metaphysical Anus

        Nope.

      • tertius_decimus

        No, it wasn’t.

      • Lacertilian

        A View From A Hole will remain in my playlist for many years to come.

        Reminds me of Far Beyond Driven era Dime riffs.

  • time to rustle a few jimmies (isn’t that what this is all about?)
    Origin – Omnipresent
    no catchy songs like the last two albums, no epic long tracks, guitar interludes exchanged for guitar solos, and really i just can’t remember a single track off the darn thing!

    • Stockhausen

      I liked the album, but yeah. It was just sort of there.

    • Agreed, not even on my playlist anymore.

    • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

      Thrall:Fulcrum:Apex and some other short song found their way to my playlist, but I’ve never really dug Origin on a bigger scale.

    • CT-12

      This was actually probably my favorite Origin album out of their discography. I only have 2 other of their cd’s though, so I could be surprised.

      • which ones, taco loco?

        • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

          Informis Infinitas Inhumanitas or bust.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            ( . ) ( . )

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            the bear is right.

          • you’re biased because of your hoodie.
            Entity has Saligia and therefore wins

        • CT-12

          “Echoes of Decimation” and “Antithesis”. I know people love those albums but it just doesn’t do it for me, and I’m a huge tech death guy

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            Origin seems to be tech-death for people who don’t enjoy tech death, crammed full enough and played at so high velocity, one doesn’t need to pay attention to the tech aspect. Whereas tech-death fans don’t seem to enjoy them greatly.

          • you simply must hear Entity. but if you can’t do that right now, you simply must go to YouTube and listen to “Saligia”.

          • CT-12

            Listening now…

          • CT-12

            Welp, that song was badass, faith even more so restored. Also, this makes me realize I really need to listen to albums with both headphones. I know to some people that’s a crime but I work a job that requires me to only use one (not to mention the luxury of actually being able to listen to music on the job, I’ll take what I can get).

    • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

      I just felt like it wasn’t heavy. Amirite?

      • mmm, i’d say all heavy and no soul.

        • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

          Maybe something can’t be heavy without soul? #metaphysics. This is the kind of questions only dawkins can answer.

    • Gurrp

      Man, same here. No really good songs, or even the face melting intensity Antithesis had. It’s just… Bland.

    • Lacertilian

      Agreed, it was always going to be hard to top Entity but they didn’t even match it.
      Shame really.
      Oh, and SALIGIA

    • I can take it or leave it. I found it to be good for some headbanging while driving as I found it to be a fairly heavy album.

  • MoshOff

    @Stockhausen:disqus I’m glad I’m not the only one that thought Blood Mantra was disappointing, I was starting to think I was crazy.

    • i still think Carnival is Forever is great. for some reason i listened to Blood Mantra once or twice and don’t really feel like going back to it!

      • Stockhausen

        I really dig Carnival, I know a lot of people weren’t buying it though.

      • MoshOff

        I listenend to CIF a lot when it came out, then I sort of abandoned it for a few years and just recently went back to it. Like I said, I don’t think it’s the best think they’ve put out, but Blood Mantra makes it sound like their best album in comparison.

        • Blasphemous psalm of the dummy god creation absolutely rips, but then the album just shits the bed.

          • MoshOff

            ^Pretty much this.

          • Stockhausen

            Yep. My hopes were up with that track, and they my hopes got poop all over them. Poop.

    • Stockhausen

      We can hold each other while we weep. Have you heard the new Lux Occulta? It’s brilliant, and I’m surprised Vogg wasn’t more creative with Decapitated.

    • Simon PhoenixKing

      I didn’t like Carnival is Forever at all. So I had no expectations for this one. As fucked up as it is to say this for obvious reasons, the band lost its way when Sauron left (though I did enjoy Organic…).

  • Metaphysical Anus

    I wasn’t really disappointed by albums I listened this year (Earth’s newest kinda disappointed me after a while). I still have some albums I need to check out from this year. The new Liars record is hopefully sweet, at least the lead single is.
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jbrNt-dMDsY

    • I don’t think I’m smart enough to get this band.

      • Stockhausen

        I’m watching the video and thinking the exact same thing. This is one of the more compelling (?) music videos I’ve seen in awhile, so I’ll give them that.

      • KJM

        I only lasted a minute.

        • Metaphysical Anus

          Doctors can help with that.

          • KJM

            -___-

          • Guacamole Jim

            LOL

      • It’s basically just a more apathetic version of The Rapture.

    • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

      What in the fuck is this?

      • Metaphysical Anus

        It is something, I’m quite sure about that.

        • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

          I give it 0 Dawkins/10

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Like your opinions matter to me.

          • KJM

            I give it 3/5 Auto Da fes

          • Guacamole Jim

            It must be good then.

    • Guacamole Jim

      I kinda like it!

  • Mother Shabubu III

    Mastodon for me. It’s kind of weird though since I enjoyed much of the album (“Diamond in the Witch House”, “Aunt Lisa”, “Halloween”, etc), but I don’t like the notion of Mastodon further becoming the Foo Fighters of sludge. I know bands mature, but I miss the teeth they had at one point.

    • i don’t consider them maturing. Crack the Skye was a technical, creative achievement that will go down as one of the top (25 maybe) metal albums of all time.

      • Metaphysical Anus

        I slightly prefer Blood Mountain.

      • KJM

        Agreed, that and Blood Mountain are their peak IMO.

        • Guacamole Jim

          I love Mastodon, and I honestly feel like Blood Mountain was the weakest disk they ever put out.

          • KJM

            REALLY? Wowsers. ‘Sleeping Giant’ and ‘Siberian Divide’ are the definition of epic, crushing Metal IMO.

            BTW, whilst I have your attention, didja delve any further into Blake’s 7 yet?

          • Guacamole Jim

            DOOOOOOOOD. Season three, just finished episode 10. I’m hooked man, it’s so good. I’m actually enjoying it more now that Blake is gone – Avon has really come into his own.

          • KJM

            Season 4 is better IMO.

          • Guacamole Jim

            Oh yeah? I’m stoked to get on that. This show is one of my favourites now. I wish I could get it on DVD so I could show my dad; he’d fucking love it, but he’s a dinosaur and lives in the stone age, so still has dial-up and doesn’t even understand what YouTube is.

          • KJM

            I think the official DVDs are still Region 2 only.

          • KJM

            I keep telling people if they miss Firefly and want to see where it all came from, it’s all right there on B7.

          • Guacamole Jim

            Spot on dude. It’s like a grittier Star Trek met Firefly. Also, fucking Avon. What a badass.

          • KJM

            Meta Anus is our own version of ORAC.

          • Guacamole Jim

            HOLY HELL

          • Guacamole Jim

            I will never be able to read his comments again without hearing ORAC’s voice in my head.

          • KJM

            HAHAHA

        • Lacertilian

          Leviathan peak here, Blood Mountain very close second.
          Then the decline.

    • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

      To you, @Jimmy and @Metaphysical Anus. There is a definite difference between maturing and getting old. To some the latter never happens, if they retain their vigor, maturing happens to all who give it time.

      • Metaphysical Anus

        Don’t lecture me, I didn’t even listen to that album. I heard one song and slightly dug it.

        • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

          Which album, Once more ’round the world ’till we fall dead to the ground out of exhaustion? or Into Oblivion we oughta fall already?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Dat new Asstodon album.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            Three full listen behind, I wish I could have those moments of my Half-life back.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I can sell some

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            But at what price?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            35 souls

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            scrug

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I didn’t invite you.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            I dont care.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I don’t like you

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            My life is ruined!

          • KJM

            “I don’t think he likes you.”
            “Beep?”
            “No, I don’t like you either.”

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            Safe to say, I dont think anyone likes anybody here

          • KJM

            I hate every last one of you, but I hate myself most of all…

          • Virgil the Ghost Poet

            Well I like you KJM, even though you keep telling me to stop stairing at Daphne’s ass.

          • KJM

            Well, she says it creeps her out man…

          • Virgil the Ghost Poet

            I can’t help it.
            In all seriousness, whose Daphne?

          • KJM

            Daffney from WCW/TNA. She would often say in interviews that Virgil was constantly ogling her ass and it creeped her out.

          • Virgil the Ghost Poet

            Hahahaha. I did not know Virgil was in TNA.

          • KJM

            They were both in WCW together.

          • Virgil the Ghost Poet

            I judged checked her out. In all honesty, I find Paige prettier.

          • KJM

            Paige is also 1/2 Daffney’s age.

          • KJM

            Nah!! I’m just kidding!! You guys are awsum.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            You wanna smoke about it, KJ? I got some boars head roast beef and blackened turkey. I’m out of bacon doe 🙁

          • KJM

            Wait until I get my Brinkman’s smoker(if I choose to), that’ll be fun.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            Ooooooh. I really want a dehydrator.

            Reminds me that I need to go get stuff for casserole and a bag of blackeyed peas and pork sides. Bacons too.

          • KJM

            I just bought the chicken for tomorrow, already have stuffing, veggies, pie and what not.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            TOH COOK OFF

          • KJM

            Cooking is one of those skills that I don’t excel at, but I’m still glad I can do it on a basic level. I’m sure W would gladly jump at the chance to have a Cook Off though.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I’ll gladly take part in a ToH Cock Off.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            you dont qualify.

          • Metaphysical Anus

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            gross

          • Metaphysical Anus

            It’s just corn

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            first instinct is to punch it

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Racist

          • Mardi Gras is huge in St. Louis… i’m known for making breakfast burritos that cure everyone’s hangover so we can go drinking that morning.

          • Virgil the Ghost Poet

            Sounds delicious.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I like Karhu

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            I can’t believe this day has actually arrived.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            You can thank Blackbeard for that.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            I’ll have a hard time to thanking a militant atheist

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            thank science.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            Thanks… Science… I Spose

          • h8 u all so much jfc

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            From where was this?

          • KJM

            Star Wars(1977)

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            Of flushing course

          • Virgil the Ghost Poet

            Well I like you my angry Finnish friend!

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            Per life? or per half-a-life, or what? Those moments I wasted back?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Tingi tingi!

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            Oh, so that’s the name of the game! 15 souls for all my wasted moments!

          • Metaphysical Anus

            60 souls, just for you.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            THAT’S ALMOST TWICE THE ORIGINAL PRICE SCRUB!

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Kuuskymmentä, oli kova tinkimään.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            Sie huijasit minnuu, Pahulaine! Nooooooo *Pays your goddamn price*

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Thank you *quickly runs away with the souls*

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            RäääääHRöööäääärrrrr!!
            CHEAT!

          • Metaphysical Anus

          • u w0t m8?

          • Metaphysical Anus

          • KJM

            Can you regenerate the sanity points I lost quitting tobacco?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            If you really want ’em. Sanity is overrated tho.

          • KJM

            Good point.

          • Lacertilian

            Do you take sheckels?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Just because you are cute, yes.

          • Lacertilian

            You’re supposed to haggle!

          • Metaphysical Anus

            It’s two in the morning.

          • Lacertilian

            I’ll give you 2:45 and not a minute more.

    • Malted Hate

      The gang vocals on Aunt Lisa made me cringe into oblivion.
      Apart from that I kinda liked the album for what it was, catchy straightforward metal/rock songs with little bits of prog thrown in… but its not really the Mastodon I came to like and respect.
      Listened to it probably twice but I doubt I’ll do it again…

      • Mother Shabubu III

        I just took it as an homage to Faith No More. I mean the ending of that song around 2:52 was eerily close to that part around 2:40 in “King For a Day”.

        I mean, I liked the album too, but the disappointment stemmed from the fact that I just can’t believe this is the same band that penned Remission and Leviathan. Or even a song like “Deathbound”.

        • Malted Hate

          I feel the same way.

    • Jointsalot

      I agree, I haven’t understood all the hype about Once more round the sun since it came out

    • JamesGrimm

      Mastodon are o e of the most over hyped bands of the new millennium.

  • HessianHunter

    SERIASLY GUISE
    LISTEN TO DIS SHITTT
    IT AMAZE
    http://milkwhitethroat.bandcamp.com/album/milk-white-throat

    • I’ll do it, but just because you’re so darn cute.

      Also, that band name grosses me out hard.

      • there’s a chance i might know where you’re headed with that thought, because i am potentially grossed out for that same reason.

    • Metaphysical Anus

      This sounds mighty fine, Mr. Pumpkin.

    • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

      Dis is pretty good.

    • thanks for the recommendaysh, pumpkin baby!

  • Howard Dean

    2014 disappointments:

    1. Agalloch
    2. Behemoth
    3. Impetuous Ritual
    4. Getting food poisoning from a scallop and haddock pot pie.

    • 1. Cruel Hand
      2. Land Phil not replying to my interview questions
      3. Lack of TovH payola
      4. Haters

      • Metaphysical Anus

        You could just shake those haters off.

      • Howard Dean

        Land Phil is probably serially baked off his ass. He strikes me as a guy that probably forgets shit all the time. But that does.suck.

    • Simon PhoenixKing

      I’m actually kind of curious as to why you didn’t like The Satanist. I thought Behemoth drinking the DsO juice was probably the best decision they made in a while.

      • Howard Dean

        It just never clicked. To me, it wasn’t convincing. It felt kinda cheesy. When DsO does DsO, it’s convincing. It has legit atmosphere and emotion to it. The Satanist felt flat, like a puppet show version of the DsO schtick.

        The jump to drinking the DsO juice so heavily also seemed cheap to me. Behemoth/Nergal were coming off of so much insanity with Nergal’s illness and everything. I’d have preferred they tried to channel the rawness of that note directly, rather than giving us a DSO worship that was unconvincing and kind of cheap.

        Maybe the album will grow on me.

        • Simon PhoenixKing

          That’s a pretty thought out explanation. I don’t know, I just felt they stagnated by Evangelion. Maybe if they had just followed a more straightforward path like you said, things might have been better. We’ll never know for sure now.

          What annoyed me about the whole release of the Satanist is that Nergal suddenly felt like he was the authority on death metal just because he survived cancer. Dude spent the entirety of the year talking shit on death metal bands for not being as “evil” as Behemoth. Give me a fucking break. I could name at least three bands that made albums better than The Satanist this year, two of them being American bands.

          With all that being said, I still enjoyed the album.

    • Satanist was decent, but I still prefer Evangelion.

  • Joey Jo-Jo Junior Shabadoo

    I found foundations of burden pretty disappointing (except two songs) and the new Mastodon wasn’t as good as I expected it to be

  • nbm02ss

    The new At The Gates was pretty disappointing for me, especially when put next to the Gorguts and Carcass comeback albums. Maybe a new Disfear album will come out soon, because Lindberg still has it, but the rest of the album was just meh.

    I enjoyed Sky Blue, but I’ll agree with Z^2 being a let down.

  • Anaal Nathrakh- Desideratum. Anaal Natharakh have seen better days. ATG, Opeth, Origin and Decapitated all disappointed me as well

  • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

    Perhaps a new Through the Eyes of the Dead will give me a DM album to look forward to.

  • old_man_doom

    “What happens when labels hype a band with no substance or writing ability.” Fuck. You are right on, Mr. Thor. I agree with this 100%. Sorry guise, I just can’t get stoked about demo-quality, entry-level black metal with out-of-place angelic vocals over the top.

    • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

      I had to look this up because I was unaware. It most certainly feels a little gimmicky.

      • old_man_doom

        The unfortunate thing is that I usually jock almost everything Relapse puts out, but this is not my jam at all. I don’t know if a lot of dudes like Myrkur because it’s led by an attractive women, but the album (or EP whatever) was hyped like it was gonna be “Boner Jamz: Volume IX” or some shit for 2014.

        • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

          Would much rather a new Boner Jamz mixtape came out.

        • Boner Jamz is a real thing?

          • old_man_doom

            I’m releasing an album called “Boner Jamz: Volume IX”. It features songs like “At the Mountains of Radness” and “Occam’s Lazer”.

    • Eh, I didn’t mind it. Nothing I’m gonna bust balls to get though. For a moment, I thought the almighty Myrk got back together!

  • Gurrp

    I wasn’t in love with A Skeletal Domain. It was too… chuggy?

  • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
  • Zeke… Or isaac; whatever

    Ok, so which Agalloch album should I check out? I couldn’t get into the new album, and figured I just missed the boat on them. But I’ll give something else a try if the new album isn’t a good starting point.

    • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

      Check out Marrow of the Spirit, The Mantle, and Pale Folklore. And, like Masterpants said, their Faustian Echoes EP is great. Pretty much all their albums.

    • Ashes Against The Grain is a great one to start with, IMHO.

  • I had several disappointing albums this year. At the Gates released a pile of cantankerous, sleep medicine laced shit. Though many people liked it, I was let down beyond belief by Black Crown Initiate’s new album. I listened to it and expected to hear something new but all I heard was something akin to a heavier metalcore album with forgettable riffs. Obituary let me down greatly. Though the album isn’t terrible, it certainly doesn’t have many good riffs and it feels as if the band all decided to drink an entire bottle of NyQuil before performing as they just sound tired. All in all, this year has been awesome for metal. I’ve discovered as veritable smorgasbord of new bands that have become mainstays in my frequent listening playlist. Some of my old favorites put out albums that were worthy of praise.

    • JWG

      I’m fairly certain I dodged a bullet by not being familiar enough with ATG to bother with the new album.

      Apart from some exposure as a wee one I only really seriously get into metal in adulthood, so with a few band-discography-completion exceptions I haven’t explored much in the range between 1985 (my mother had a bit of a proto-metal LP collection that I found as a kid) and 2005 (when I was hooked back in by a NPR interview with TYR of all things).

      If either a band or even an entire metal scene emerged and vanished again somewhere in the 90’s I missed it, because at the time I was firmly entrenched in the PNW indie music scene – just before it got out of hand and polluted the rest of the nation with bland radio rock pretending to be something else.

      …also flannel. Everywhere.

  • I listened to Emperor for the first time yesterday. I am completely blown away. I’ve listened to their entire discography today.

  • KJM

    In case y’all didn’t already know, Guardians Of The Galaxy is fucking awesome. Message ends.

    • FeelTheDarkness

      Hell yeah it does!!!

  • JWG
  • JWG

    http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_md2xu2Yrd01r1mtsdo1_500.gif
    Not an accurate representation of my household. At all.

  • Janitor Jim Dvggan

    I wish Utopia would do a reunion tour. They reunited in 2011 and did not disband but they haven’t done anything since then.

    • KJM

      I’m afraid you’ll only see that if Todd gets bored.

      • Janitor Jim Dvggan

        I really hope he does get bored so that can happen.

  • Max

    Max Duncan’s Real-time Christmas Day review of At The Gates’ At War With Reality LP:

    I’ve necked two glasses of champagne and two beers. By my standards, that’s plenty of booze nowadays. I’ve fortified all that with lobster, prawns, potato and pork. I should really be dead. At any rate, the post-Xmas luncheon daze has kicked in, and I’ve excused myself from the company of relatives to wile away a warm-yet-mild, sunny Christmas afternoon by having a listen to a record I wasn’t gung-ho about purchasing, but which made a relatively easily-procured present for my time-poor brother to gift me.

    Track 1) El Altar del Dios Desconocido
    Nice Intro, kind of urgent spoken-word piece. There was always something urgent about ATG, even when their music meandered.

    Track 2) Death and the Labyrinth.
    You’ve all heard this one, no doubt. Not a bad song in my estimation.

    Track 3) At War With Reality.
    You’ve all heard this one too. Is it just me, or does anybody else think there’s something awkward about a band called At The Gates calling their record “At War With Reality”? I mean, they could’ve done cover art where the name and the title are at right angles to each other, each starting with the word “At”! Again, not a band song in my estimation.

    Track 4) The Circular Ruins.
    A brooding, mechanical number which, though not brilliant, Slaughter perhaps could have done with. (I’ll try to refrain from saying anything more about Slaughter of the Soul; what can be said about it that you haven’t read already in the last 20 years?)

    Track 5) Heroes and Tombs.
    Intro reminds me of “Spill the Blood”, one of my favourite Jeff Hanneman compositions. ATG always claimed to be very explicitly influenced by Slayer, yet it never really showed through. It does here, initially. I think I much prefer the spoken-word lyrics on this album to past efforts. No “Britney Spears telephone vocal effects” this time! Well, they could hardly get away with that in ’14 could they?

    Track 6) The Conspiracy of the Blind.
    A wholesale example of ATG’s patented “thrash waltz” rhythm. Y’all know the one I mean. Nobody made this rhythm their own like ATG, although In Flames came close in some instances – “Food For the Gods” was as good as any song ATG ever wrote. It’s a bit more languid this time ’round though.

    Track 7) Order From Chaos.
    Order From Chaos was a decent band; I haven’t listened to Stillbirth Machine for a very, very long time now. An Ending in Fire, I felt, wasn’t reaching the Plateau of Invincibility in quite the same way. But I digress: Interesting clean guitars lead-in. This whole thing sounds a lot “frostier” than past efforts. Which is somehow appropriate. ATG must be one of the most explicitly “remembered” bands of the ’90s. Fitting that the production on their latest should sound a bit “echoey” and hollow; like you’re staring into your own memory when you hear it. It’s not actually a “bad” production, though. I do wish they’d delineated the guitars-

    Whoa! It just faded out! It seemed like it was only just getting into gear!?!

    Track 8) The Book of Sand
    …As I was saying, I do wish they’d delineated the guitars more separately, like on past efforts. (ie: different lines played on left vs. right) Yes, there’s still plenty of counterpoint melody on this album – ATG would be nothing without it, I’d contend – but it’s equally overdubbed on both sides (like Dissection used to do), which is a bit boring. Whatever. At least you’re getting everything on both ears; even if you have to imagine four guitarists instead of two. (I’m a bit literal like that when I listen on cans.) Not a bad song, though. I can’t imagine some riffs here being used on “the last album”.

    Track 9) Language of the Dead
    My edition of the CD’s got two bonus tracks. Great, but it’s a bit weird to put them in the middle of the album like this. “Language…” is a fairly straightforward ATG thrashwaltz. Very reminiscent of “Under a Serpent Sun,” but not as interesting as that one was at the time. Still okay. There isn’t anything inherently “bad” on this record, it seems.

    No thanks, mum. I’ll have my tea and cake a bit later. Metal blog commenting duties beckon.

    Track 10) The Skin of a Fire
    Bonus track number two. Nice clean, chorusey guitars intro. But aargh! – you clipped ’em, Studio Fredman! I can hear it even on i-Pod buds. Not a deal-breaker.
    A slower one this time. And another song which seems to fade out half-way through its own realization.

    Track 11) The Head of the Hydra
    I thought the song had the effect of a baby crying overdubbed into it. It’s just one of my nephews in the hallway. It’s amazing how he’s keeping time, though. Another decent song. They’ve kind of dialled down the overall tempo on this album, and it sort of works, I think.
    Groan…another fade out! I’ve never been much into fade-outs. It’s difficult to imagine the band backing away from me without unplugging their backline. And how many roadies are dragging the drummer’s carpet without all his shit toppling over?

    Track 12) City of Mirrors
    Instrumental. Sounds like they wrote the intro to a song they couldn’t be bothered finishing or lyricizing. Hey, at least it doesn’t fade out.

    Track 13) Eater of Gods
    Bolt Thrower’s “World Eater”…now THERE was a song! Best thing Bolt Thrower ever wrote. This is okay, though. Straightfoward thrasher. Nice break section, as well. Maybe it’s just because I’m semi-drunk, but they really seem to be economizing the compositions on this album. Not that ATG ever wrote “epics” as such; but you keep expecting everything to run for longer.

    Track 14) Upon the Pillars of Dust
    Nice and sinister, though very typical of the programme material.

    Track 15) The Night Eternal
    More clean clipping. But’s that’s just nerd-nitpicking. The digipak’s nice and sturdier than they usually are. (I usually hate digipaks; they perish easily. So do jewel cases of course; but at least you can replace those.) Kind of an indifferent ending. This time the fade-out is actually welcome.

    It may grow on me. I’m a bit jet-lagged, drunk and Christmassed today.

    Songwriting: 6 out of 10
    Production: 7 out of 10
    Playing: Not really needing to be judged; perfectly good in the context.
    Final score: 4 out of 10 possible Flushes. The new Bloodshot Dawn really shows you where melodeath is at in 2014. I’d keep this CD even if I paid for it myself, though.

    I raved about Surgical Steel pretty embarrassing over at Invisible Oranges when it came out. My assessment of it today has settled into being the same as everybody else’s: Good record, glad for Carcass’s reputation, but certainly not reinventing the wheel or even as good as Heartwork. In ATG’s case, I think we’ve all soberly realized that from the outset – no matter how drunk we are on Christmas Day.

    • VVorld Peace

      I enjoyed, this Max. And since I forgot to respond on that other thread, I’d read a book overview.

  • KJM

    Ok, I need another plane ticket and MOAR spending moneys 4 another festival. -___-

    • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

      I give this tour 4/5 Picards (refresh for img). Would very much like to go to this.

      • KJM

        Unfortunately Austria’s a bit far away.

        • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

          teleporter.

  • KJM

    (sigh)

  • Count_Breznak

    Origin – Omnipresent
    Completely forgettable. All filler, no killer. With interludes.

  • OldMetalHead

    Thanks for the heads-up on the new Decapitated. It was on my list.

  • Cory John William Kamermans

    Agreed about Septicflesh’s Titan i think they blew their creative wad on The Great Mass