Zenobia – Lo Llevo En La Sangre

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Dios mío.

I always appreciate when someone requests a video breakdown. It lessens the pain of having to go through Twitter feeds, various label Youtube channels, and music news hoping to find a rough in the diamond. Our very own MoshOff has requested that I take on a video by the band Spanish heavy metal band Zenobia. I’ve never heard of them before, but I trust that our resident Mexispaniaguatatinian would give me something worthy of pointing and laughing at. After all, Zenobia already has “no” in their name. They’re practically warning us. The only thing better would be if they were called Zenlolbuttzia. Let’s take a look and brace for impact.

0:03: Mad Max Beyond Dorkadome.
0:08: Zenobia is so powerful they rock the camera.
0:16: Don’t look at his tiny nipple, don’t look at his tiny nipple, don’t look… damn it!
0:22: The nail polish really takes the sting away of wearing fingerless gloves.
0:24: Pssst! We can see your tummy!
0:27: Spanish Merol Face.
0:30: That line across his face really brings out his eyeliner and caterpillar eyebrows.
0:33: He holds his bass like it’s about to give him cooties.
0:37: We all know that the top hat is the brains of Zenobia. Everyone else is just hired guns.
0:40: So does anyone want to guess why his chest is so dirty?
0:44: My guess is that he’s a shy male stripper that only dances inside chimneys.
0:47: There’s nothing cool about this shot. NOTHING.
0:52: It’s like he stole Jack Sparrow’s hair and then caked it in old Suzy Q’s.
0:55: Don’t look at his tiny nipple, don’t look at his tiny nipple, don’t look… not again!
1:02: Curly on the drums, ladies and gentlemen.
1:06: The guitarist has a lot of cranium accessories.
1:10: These guys are 1 riding crop and a pair of assless chaps away from a fetish troupe.
1:15: He manages to make a top hat be a bottom hat. I’m not sure what that means, but he does it.
1:19: Soooo do we know if he’s wearing pants in this video?
1:24: I hope the person that owns this location comes out and shoots them with a hose.
1:31: There’s more eyemakeup in this video than a slumber party at Jacoby Shaddix’s house.
1:40: Zenobia doesn’t make love to the camera. They just kind of lie on top of it and wiggle around until it’s mercifully over.
1:48: Oh man, that’s the cutest little foot stomping ever. It’s like he’s a wittle bunny!
1:55: What’s Spanish for “lolbuttz”? And don’t tell me it’s el lolbuttzo.
2:00: That ratty facial hair really makes him look like Captain Jack.
2:04: Also, like a rat.
2:08: If you like unnecessary movements while playing guitar, he’s your man.
2:15: His crotch is going to be all worn out after this is done.
2:24: I fully expect that guitar to ejaculate.
2:31: That face. That. Face.
2:34: The last thing an empanada sees.
2:41: “Sorry guys. We only have enough of a budget to kind of shake the camera around a bit. Hope that’s cool.”
2:48: The drummer is wearing the band’s shirt advertising the song we’re listening to. That’s like a Matrix stuffed with Inception stuffed with some other mixed-up sci fi movie.
2:55: “Hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!”
3:02: Seriously. Pants? Anyone?
3:07: Cut-off shorts perhaps?
3:12: With all that shit on his head, he must have the neck of an 80-year old.
3:17: The keyboard player must not have been able to switch shifts at Los Bocadillos to appear in the video.
3:26: Whoa with the whoas.
3:32: His brain is actually exposed underneath that top hat. Kind of like Bret Michaels and his bandana.
3:37: They couldn’t even bother to throw in a few “Hey’s”. It’s all whoas, all the time.
3:44: His chest looks like an old Dunkin Donuts cup that’s been rolling around in the street.
3:50: El Lolbuttzo!

 

I think this is a remake of an older song. Or a cover. Something. I’m not sure. Buy one of their albums if you want. Mucho gracias, Moshito.

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