Zenobia – Lo Llevo En La Sangre

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Dios mío.

I always appreciate when someone requests a video breakdown. It lessens the pain of having to go through Twitter feeds, various label Youtube channels, and music news hoping to find a rough in the diamond. Our very own MoshOff has requested that I take on a video by the band Spanish heavy metal band Zenobia. I’ve never heard of them before, but I trust that our resident Mexispaniaguatatinian would give me something worthy of pointing and laughing at. After all, Zenobia already has “no” in their name. They’re practically warning us. The only thing better would be if they were called Zenlolbuttzia. Let’s take a look and brace for impact.

0:03: Mad Max Beyond Dorkadome.
0:08: Zenobia is so powerful they rock the camera.
0:16: Don’t look at his tiny nipple, don’t look at his tiny nipple, don’t look… damn it!
0:22: The nail polish really takes the sting away of wearing fingerless gloves.
0:24: Pssst! We can see your tummy!
0:27: Spanish Merol Face.
0:30: That line across his face really brings out his eyeliner and caterpillar eyebrows.
0:33: He holds his bass like it’s about to give him cooties.
0:37: We all know that the top hat is the brains of Zenobia. Everyone else is just hired guns.
0:40: So does anyone want to guess why his chest is so dirty?
0:44: My guess is that he’s a shy male stripper that only dances inside chimneys.
0:47: There’s nothing cool about this shot. NOTHING.
0:52: It’s like he stole Jack Sparrow’s hair and then caked it in old Suzy Q’s.
0:55: Don’t look at his tiny nipple, don’t look at his tiny nipple, don’t look… not again!
1:02: Curly on the drums, ladies and gentlemen.
1:06: The guitarist has a lot of cranium accessories.
1:10: These guys are 1 riding crop and a pair of assless chaps away from a fetish troupe.
1:15: He manages to make a top hat be a bottom hat. I’m not sure what that means, but he does it.
1:19: Soooo do we know if he’s wearing pants in this video?
1:24: I hope the person that owns this location comes out and shoots them with a hose.
1:31: There’s more eyemakeup in this video than a slumber party at Jacoby Shaddix’s house.
1:40: Zenobia doesn’t make love to the camera. They just kind of lie on top of it and wiggle around until it’s mercifully over.
1:48: Oh man, that’s the cutest little foot stomping ever. It’s like he’s a wittle bunny!
1:55: What’s Spanish for “lolbuttz”? And don’t tell me it’s el lolbuttzo.
2:00: That ratty facial hair really makes him look like Captain Jack.
2:04: Also, like a rat.
2:08: If you like unnecessary movements while playing guitar, he’s your man.
2:15: His crotch is going to be all worn out after this is done.
2:24: I fully expect that guitar to ejaculate.
2:31: That face. That. Face.
2:34: The last thing an empanada sees.
2:41: “Sorry guys. We only have enough of a budget to kind of shake the camera around a bit. Hope that’s cool.”
2:48: The drummer is wearing the band’s shirt advertising the song we’re listening to. That’s like a Matrix stuffed with Inception stuffed with some other mixed-up sci fi movie.
2:55: “Hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!”
3:02: Seriously. Pants? Anyone?
3:07: Cut-off shorts perhaps?
3:12: With all that shit on his head, he must have the neck of an 80-year old.
3:17: The keyboard player must not have been able to switch shifts at Los Bocadillos to appear in the video.
3:26: Whoa with the whoas.
3:32: His brain is actually exposed underneath that top hat. Kind of like Bret Michaels and his bandana.
3:37: They couldn’t even bother to throw in a few “Hey’s”. It’s all whoas, all the time.
3:44: His chest looks like an old Dunkin Donuts cup that’s been rolling around in the street.
3:50: El Lolbuttzo!

 

I think this is a remake of an older song. Or a cover. Something. I’m not sure. Buy one of their albums if you want. Mucho gracias, Moshito.

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  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

    Upvote.

    • ┼yree
      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        Hahaha. God damn it!

        EDIT: Dude in the red shorts, gets my bro parts hotter than the sun.

        • ┼yree

          BRO! DO YOU EVEN SHOP AT LIDS? *Slams Natty Ice and slaps some random sluts ass* NICE ASS TOOTS! *Slams another Natty Ice*

          https://mygutinstinct.files.wordpress.com/2008/07/corn.jpg

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Oh fuck, BRO. I NEED SOME BUSCH LITE AND SOME TITTIES PRONTO BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

          • A Chili Dog In Each Nostril

            *gets maced and kicked in the balls before she calls her MMA fighter boyfriend over*

          • Óðinn

            Have you ever ever seen those dudes who are really short, but they try to get all muscular to compensate, and then they walk around all angry like they’re Pantera fans or somebody stole their Lucky Charms?

          • A Chili Dog In Each Nostril

            My roomy/landlord used to do MMA, and you can tell by his build. Lol, he a lot more Chili Peppers and Bad Brains than anything, pissed off but for apt reasons. He definitely doesn’t walk around like a hardass. Plus the fact he’s a genius when it comes to construction.

      • Maik Beninton™
      • tigeraid
  • Tony W. Horton

    “They just kind of lie on top of it and wiggle around until it’s mercifully over.” Too close to home, 365.

    • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

      Fucking hell, do your posts keep getting hotter.

      • Tony W. Horton

        I put the X in P90X.

        • Maik Beninton™

          I have no idea what is going on.

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            That’s probably a good thing.

          • A Chili Dog In Each Nostril

            They’re giving each other weed cancer. 😉

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            We’re never gonna let him live that down, are we? ^_^

          • A Chili Dog In Each Nostril

            Eventually, a few lifetimes from now.

          • more beer

            It is called education. So no others ever make that mistake.

          • I think it’s pretty well established that weed may not give you cancer but it WILL make you violent.
            https://www.facebook.com/MMYVofficial/?fref=ts

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            I love the statement from “Professional Medical Doctor”.

          • more beer

            Most doctors have specialties. What exactly is his?

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            Posing in stock photos?

          • more beer

            And fear mongering.

          • more beer

            That was the least convincing facebook page ever. I shall now smoke a bowl and violently consume the cake I have in the kitchen.

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            It’s a parody, has to be.

          • more beer

            I don`t know the anti pot people tend to be kind of like that.

        • Waynecro

          Muscle confusion, bruh. It’s definitely some kind of thing.

          • Tony W. Horton

            You saw my video. You know it works. AB. RIPPER. X.

          • Waynecro

            AB GUTHOOK RIP SHREDDING BURN PLUS OMEGA!!!

          • BobLoblaw
          • BobLoblaw

            “And the butthole”

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Bob Loblaw’s Butt Blog

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            Muscle confusion < PLATES ON PLATES

          • Waynecro

            Bosu-ball dumbell gymnastics <<< Supersets for opposing muscle groups

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            Supersets for the same muscle group: next level

          • Waynecro

            Triple add sets = pyramid of pain and gain

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            *bench presses Ws new persona
            *smokes weed

          • Waynecro

            There better be protein in that weed, bro.

          • Tony W. Horton

            No protein, just one of my patented beachbody shakes.

          • Waynecro

            A shake without protein is just pretty water, dawg.

          • A Chili Dog In Each Nostril

            I handmake my own protein shakes on the top bunk for others to drink.

          • Waynecro

            You’re turning the top bunk into a place of legend.

          • A Chili Dog In Each Nostril

            It already is, one stiff kleenex at a time! My towels are like graham crackers at this point, and would shatter if I dropped them.

          • Waynecro

            “Thanks for letting me crash on the bottom bunk tonight, dude. Say, what’s all that rubble at the base of the bed? Are those crackers? What do you mean they’re towel shards?”

          • A Chili Dog In Each Nostril

            Breaking news: Missing man found after friends reported he had been missing for two weeks. He was quote “on the top bunk, researching the lives of older women and Emilia Clark’s eyebrows”.

            http://0.media.dorkly.cvcdn.com/35/53/22026c059cbfab697ddd1c570b1e5b05.gif

          • Waynecro

            That looks animatronic.

          • more beer

            Just imagine the head animatronic lips could give.

          • Waynecro

            I’d be very concerned about malfunctions capable of inflicting permanent damage.

          • more beer

            It`s all in the fine tuning.

          • Waynecro

            I don’t think there’s any tuning fine enough to eliminate all concern.

          • more beer

            Could it be worse than receiving one from a chick with braces?

          • Waynecro

            I guess my concern is that the animatronics would clamp down and sever something important. I guess that concern applies to human women as well.

          • more beer

            It’s a dangerous world out there.

          • Waynecro

            Very true. And I’m not much of a gambler.

          • more beer

            Come on playing Russian Roulette with your dick is safe wholesome fun. Just ask Charlie Sheen.

          • Waynecro

            Zing!

          • She’s very pretty
            -JJM

          • A Chili Dog In Each Nostril

            I’d happily drink her booty sweat like the Fountain Of Youth. I’m a romantic like that.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            She’s so pretty.

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            It makes me eat more protein

          • Waynecro

            I’ve actually read about some powerlifters who use weed to help them eat more during a bulk.

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            It also helps me get high

          • Waynecro

            I would hope so. Otherwise, why bother? I hate the smell of weed.

          • BEARD-SPLITTER
          • Waynecro

            I’ve never actually smoked/consumed weed before, and I’ve never been a fan of the smell. I spend 90 percent of my time at metal shows trying to hold my fucking breath.

          • Tony W. Horton

            I don’t like the smell either.

          • I like the smell. Hate pretty much everything else.

          • Waynecro

            I’m just not a fan of it in general. I don’t care if other people love it, but it’s not for me. Alcohol was my one true love. Now that she’s gone, I’m just sticking with sobriety.

          • KJM’ing it up ain’t so bad, but it’s no feels-eraser like booze was :/

          • Waynecro

            Plus, alcohol tastes really good. I miss that. And, of course, the numbness.

          • A Chili Dog In Each Nostril

            Weed’s definitely worked for Michael Phelps! I think you’d need it to eat the 5000+ calories he eats every day.

          • Waynecro

            That’s so many calories. I read about a guy who drank bottles of olive oil to hit his calorie/fat requirements. If that’s not a diet that makes you question your life choices, I don’t know what is.

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            That seems like a pretty terrible way to get carbs/fat out of a diet. You sure he wasnt just one of those people who eat weird shit, like toilet paper or lightbulbs?

          • Waynecro

            I guess he was just desperate to hit 10,000 calories or whatever it was. At least puking that stuff up would be easy on your esophagus.

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            Im now on my cut after bulking about 20-30lbs on light lifting for two months.

            All new level of sore

          • Waynecro

            Nice, dude. I’m still on my cut, but I’m considering participating in Decembulk. Bulking at the end of the year makes sense because most people eat a bunch of extra stuff and gain weight then anyway. Some of that weight may as well be muscle mass. I may just stay on the cut, though. Depends on my progress by the end of this month.

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            Seems wise. Ill have to defy the urge to try and bulk thru the holidays. My boss told me today he thought i was getting fat.

            There was the end of my most recent bulk

          • Waynecro

            If my boss told me he thought I was getting fat, I’d punch a hole through his torso. Unless he’s in way better shape than I am, in which case, I’d take his criticism to heart. I want to get back to bulking/lifting really heavy weight, but this cut is working pretty well still. Plus, the cut diet is great for my diabetes. Even clean bulks are a pain in the dick when you have to worry about your blood-sugar levels.

          • A Chili Dog In Each Nostril
          • Tony W. Horton

            Gonna break character here for a second. I wanted to lose weight, and P90X worked, but I would never use it to bulk.

  • Maik Beninton™

    I would like Moshoff to present us his Spanish Merol Face.

  • Tophats are not cool, someone please tell this guy.

  • Waynecro

    Hilarious! My day is significantly less awful now. Thanks!

  • A Chili Dog In Each Nostril

    This is a name I haven’t heard in ages! I have a few songs of their’s on MP3 from years and years ago, and quickly forgot about it. Pretty mediocre power metal band, IIRC.

  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain
  • MoshOff

    Words… fail me. Thank you, 365.

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    Probably one of the heaviest Dylan covers ever. I feel it’s going to give me nightmares.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QoNoUw9br5M

  • ProfoundHatred

    I simultaneously love and hate the video breakdowns. This shit is hysterical, but it also made me aware of the Butcher Babies, and now they pop up everywhere all the time.

  • KJM, Shake Zula
    • Boss the “Philthy Animal” Ross
      • KJM, Shake Zula

        Here’s a quick Purple story. In March 1985, I went from Boston to Worcester to see the Perfect Strangers tour with $3 in my pocket and no fuckin’ clue how I was gonna get home that night. Missing this tour was NOT an option for me. After the show I came across a cab full of people who were going back to Boston. They had one extra seat that two other people were asking about as well. I had the $3, the other two people had nothing. In addition to that someone else had a bunch of herb that they shared with the cabbie and the passengers. The Metal Gods were definitely watching out for me that night.

        • Boss the “Inspectah” Ross

          Ha, hell yeah! That’s bad ass man.

  • Eliza

    That lead singer’s facial expressions are priceless.

  • Brouroboris

    Fucking red cymbals can’t not play that 2 step.