Bend ALL the strings.
Some may know Zakk Wylde as the former guitarist for Ozzy Osbourne. Others may know him as the main man behind Black Label Society. Still others may know him as Dimebag’s friend. In recent years, Mr. Wylde set out on his own with some solo albums. How these albums are different from Black Label Society, I’m not exactly sure. What I do know is that every guitar string will be bent and every guitar solo will go on seemingly forever. BLS was the only live metal band I’ve ever fallen asleep to, so don’t read this Video Breakdown while operating heavy machinery. Will we get a heavy-drinking, heavy-fighting, heavy metal song or a soft, introspective bluesy little ditty this time around? Let’s find out.
0:02: Bluesy little ditty it is!
0:11: Who knew that Zakk was a fan of Newsies?
0:14: And Eyes Wide Shut?
0:18: And Zelda?
0:24: Zakk may in fact be 90% hair nowadays.
0:29: So this is what it sounds like when doves cry.
0:34: Man, eHarmony commercials are getting weird.
0:40: I would pay good money to watch this man try to delicately eat buffalo wings without getting any sauce in his beard.
0:49: Welcome to Carl’s Jr!
1:01: I can’t handle all of this symbolism.
1:04: His nose is a penis. WE GET IT!
1:10: No, not an old-timey hourglass!
1:22: I wonder if Zakk Wylde ever finds anything in his beard that he’s been missing for a long time.
1:26: Like a pair of glasses or Hot Wheels.
1:31: There’s some Georgia O’Keefe symbolism going on now.
1:38: Just picture Wylde explaining the concept for this video in a whiskey-soaked haze.
1:46: If he uses that mega-phallic nose to sniff the flower, I’m going to be very upset.
2:03: I guess Mark Wahlberg was only available for one Zakk Wylde music video.
2:11: Well now dinner is ruined.
2:19: We’re about to get some Criss Angel Nu Metal magic. Hold on to your mascara.
2:27: I wish someone would look at me the way that decapitated animal head looks at 18th century dude.
2:38: It’s about to get lit up in here, fam.
2:47: He asked for the David Carradine special.
2:55: Lost Prayer: A Brazzers Production.
3:02: I hope Eternal Halloween was compensated nicely for appearing in this video.
3:11: Bend it like Beckham, Zakk!
3:23: Schools take their lice checks very seriously.
3:36: The prayer may be the lost of the weedilies and deedilies are in high supply.
3:42: His safety word is “Getcha pull!”
3:45: Hey, Brian Posehn is in this video.
4:02: Oh, no! You dropped your symbolism!
4:07: I’ll take a Weeping Angel over this Pig-Faced Angel any day of the week.
Zakk Wylde’s album Book Of Shadows II is out now via eOne Music.