You Send Me Things, I Listen to Them

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Ever wonder what happens when you email your band’s music to an egotistical monster?

The Toilet ov Hell inbox is a raging clusterfuck of press releases, promo albums, and tons of band submissions of varying quality. I’m weeks behind on correspondence and I sometimes let cool shit slip my mind due to my gnat-like attention span. Rest assured, I read and listen to (almost) everything. When something special hits my earholes, I wanna share it with you. Please enjoy some of my favorite recent(ish) band submissions.


Secret Admirer

Secret Admirer

Here’s a bit of advice for bands looking for blog coverage: give your email a compelling subject line. Something that jaded old bloggers WANT to click. Maybe something like “Black Metal for Supermodels“, which is exactly what Secret Admirer did. Hailing from the exotic cosmopolitan vistas of Montgomery, Alabama, Secret Admirer do not play black metal (the lying bastards!). Instead, these Southern gents create a slow burning form of melancholy synth pop.

So far the band only has two tracks up for listening. “Billowing Perfume”, layers a soft melodic progression atop booming bass and drum machines. “Pale Shelter”, a Tears for Fears cover, is rendered completely unrecognizable from the original as a deconstructed haze of atmospheric synths and spoken word. The closest comparison I can make is Mat Sweet’s Boduf Songs. No word on when a new release is planned but give ’em a like on Facebook and stay informed of new developments. I’m interested and I wanna hear more.


 Annakarina Annakarina

Do you dudes love French New Wave cinema?!?!?!?! Yeah! Me… me, I don’t know a damn thing about it. A quick Wikipedia search informs me that Anna Karina was an actress/model/singer/renaissance-lady superbabe that worked with Jean-Luc Godard and Serge Gainsbourg. These are interesting facts. A more interesting fact: Annakarina shreds.

Do you like guitars that go “Doo-doo-deedly-widdly-SKREEEEE-doodly-doodly-doo”? Do you dig unhinged vocal performances and unpredictable song structures? Then mister, you might just like Pittsburgh’s own Annakarina. The band plays a style they dub “prog-skramz” and even namechecks YES guitarist Steve Howe, so you know you’re in for some sweet licks (check out “Rocky Sullivan Death Scene” for a clinic in jazzy clean guitar work). Annakarina just released a 2-song EP titled Erasure, I Realized the Fix Was In via Broken World Media. More violent and unpredictable than UNCEREMONY, it sounds like an uneasy hybrid of post-hardcore and powerviolence. Listen to Erasure, I Realized the Fix Was In here, go do the like on Facebook, and check out UNCEREMONY below.


Dan Webb & The Spiders

Dan Webb

Dan Webb and the Spiders are machines. Over the last few years they’ve released 4 LPs, a bunch of singles, a handful of splits, and gone on five European tours. Despite the endless grind, these Bostonians have a knack for penning loose, laid-back garage rock that feels like sunny good vibes. Their latest record Perfect Problem is heavy on catchy choruses and fun, sloppy guitar work. At times, the Dan Webb & company recall the infectious pop-punk sound of The Marked Men and the slightly boozy glory of The Replacements (the greatest rock n’ roll band not named Guided By Voices).

It’s the end of the day. You’re grumpy and you need a break from blast beats. Unwind and tap your foot along with Perfect Problem. Go like Dan Webb and the Spiders on Facebook and check out the rest of their material on Bandcamp.

——

Have something you wanna send my way? Email me at toiletovhell@gmail.com.

  • A break from blast beats? I don’t understand!

  • I would like to take this opportunity to thank that lovely bastard Joe for allowing me to hear the new Faith No More long before its release. Normally I’m too busy (and/or lazy) to write stuff but I’d have gladly done ten thousand words to be ahead-of-the-curve on that one.

    • Are you gonna do a writeup when nails releases new stuff? 😉

  • Tyree

    I wish I could email you a nice PA craft beer. Just because, that would be a very convenient way to share great beer from person to person from other states and countries. I want a beer.

    • Meeeeee too. Meeeee too.

      • Tyree

        You aren’t picky right? You’ll drink any style of beer? I’m not much for wheat or fruit beers, but most everything else is pretty much a go for me.

        Do you get any Craft beers from the east coast down there? I’m trying to think if we have any Texas beers. But I’m coming up blank here.

        • I’ll drink pretty much anything but with booze in it but I prefer IPAs, lagers, pilsners and the like. There aren’t too many Texas beers that get nationwide distribution aside from Shiner, Real Ale, Southern Star, and Saint Arnolds. FORTUNATELY, I think you can get pretty much any beer in Austin (aside from super rarities like Heady Topper).

          • Tyree

            Yeah, Austin seems like it would have its fair share of craft beers.

          • Óðhinn

            Austin & Central Texas (Texas Hill Country Region)

            Where to fill your Growler
            Address
            Menu

            1. Growler Room NORTH
            6800 Burnet Rd, Suite 2, Austin, TX 78757
            Tap List

            2. Growler Room SOUTH
            2400 East Oltorf, Suite 6A, Austin Texas 78741
            Tap List

            3. Draught House Pub and Brewery
            4112 Medical Pkwy, Austin, TX 78756
            Tap List

            4. The Dig Pub
            401 Cypress Creek Rd., Cedar Park, Texas 78613
            Tap List

            5. Alamo Drafthouse
            14028 N US Highway 183, Bldg F, Austin, TX 78717
            Beer

            6. Craft Pride
            61 Rainey St, Austin, Texas
            Beer

            7. Brew & Brew
            500 San Marcos St, Austin, TX 78702
            Tap List

            8. Quickie Pickie
            1208 E 11th St, Austin, TX 78702
            Beer

            9. Radio
            4204 Manchaca Rd, Austin, TX 78704
            Tap List

            10. Black Star Co-Op
            7020 EASY WIND DR, STE 100, AUSTIN, TX, 78752
            Tap List

            11. Flix Brewhouse
            2200 S Interstate 35, Round Rock, Texas
            Tap List

            12. HopFields
            3110 Guadalupe St., Austin, Texas 78705
            Tap List

            13. The Whip In
            1950 S Interstate 35, Austin, TX 78704
            Tap List

            14. North by Northwest
            10010 Capital of TX Hwy N, Austin, TX 78759
            Tap List

            NEW
            Address
            Beer

          • Growler Room is in my ‘hood and it is THE BEST.

          • Howard Dean

            It’s even hard to get Heady Topper in Vermont. Those fuckers don’t make it easy.

            It’s a good beer and all, but not so great that I’ll knife fight a motherfucker in a parking lot for a case of it. New England has way too many great breweries for that.

            EDIT: There is apparently a thriving black market for Heady Topper, especially on the Boston Craigslist. I heard they’re rolling out a new motto: “Craigslist: Not just for hookers anymore! Drink black market IPAs!”

          • “Knife fight over beer in a parking lot” sounds like a great christmas song.

          • Dagon

            It will be reworked into one of the songs into my upcoming stonerviolence project.

            “Howard Dean stabbed me in a parking lot”, EP to be opened along with Wu Tang Clan’s album to a new species of ayyliens.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            MIXTAPE OV HELL | 20 Original Songs By Your Favorite TOH Authors!

          • Dagon

            Catch The Toilets vol. 1

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Best Ov The Bowl | Volume 1

          • KJU’s Dancing Testicle Teethys

            Now banned in 169 countries!

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Total revenue earned: $2

          • It’s not our fault that Latin América is in Bankrupt – MC Linkz ft. The Dagonz

          • KJU’s Dancing Testicle Teethys

            Haha I might still have mine and my best friend’s goof off project, Fistful Of Feces.

          • Howard Dean

            “Knife fight over beer in a parking lot because Santa Claus is gay.”

            Anal Cunt hit song.

          • Mother Shabubu III 12 BRICKS

            Is that already a Municipal Waste song?

          • KJU’s Dancing Testicle Teethys

            Sounds like a GG Allin song.

          • Tyree

            I thought I recognized you in this picture.

            http://i.imgur.com/yoeI5Ug.png

          • Dagon

            Fun

          • Howard Dean

            I still rock that shirt when I’m hanging out in parking lots.

          • Óðhinn

            Not a great beer by any stretch of the imagination, but when I think Texas beer, Lone Star is the first thing that comes to mind. I’m sure there must be much better beers though. I’ve been thinking that I might start brewing myself as a possible hobby and additional source of income.

            http://www.lonestarlightbeer.com/fun_games/downloads/LS_Wallpaper1_1280.jpg

          • It IS iconic. It is also hell on my stomach after a few too many years pounding it.

          • Óðhinn

            I hear that. Too much whiskey and beer in my teens and early twenties.

            http://www.drug3k.com/img2/prilosec_10620_4_%28big%29_.jpg

          • KJU’s Dancing Testicle Teethys

            Gah, I remember that from years back. I’ve drank far worse, but that one was fucking awful.

    • Or text message a beer

    • The W.

      I swipe right for beer.

    • My buddies and I hit up some craft beer joints in NYC this past weekend. Can’t remember anything I drank but I was Hammer Smash Faced!

      • Tyree

        Boy, I bet NYC craft beer is expensive as fuck?

        • Wasn’t terrible but I guess $7 – $8 a glass isn’t exactly cheap.

          • Tyree

            NO that’s not cheap! It’s like $4-5 for a craft beer at any of the microbreweries around here,

          • Dagon

            That seems cheap, to me, considering how much you guys make.

            It costs R$ 4-5 here for shitty beer on tap. A Guinness on tap will cost you more than 20 BRLs.

          • Tyree

            Ha, it’s strange you mention that. If you go downtown here, it cost more for a Guinness or Stella then it is a craft beer at a microbrewery.

          • Dagon

            Fuck that, jahahah! Stella is one of the “best” beer you can buy for cheap here. I end up drinking a lot of Stella, Budweiser and watery Tijuca because craft beer is too expensive, even the ones made in Brasil.

            Every now and then I give myself a treat, though. Colorado is one of my favorite breweries here:

            http://screamyell.com.br/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/colorado9.jpg

          • Tyree

            It’s dark. That’s good!

            Edit: Are those books or CD’s in the shelf?

          • Dagon

            Not my shelf, sadly.

          • Tyree

            Oh. Well, the beer is what is important anyways.

          • Óðhinn

            Looks like a video collection. Tried to blow up the image and find out but the resolution is not high enough to tell.

          • more beer

            You should try the breweries in Colorado. Some of the best beer on earth.

          • Dagon

            One day I’ll make that swim. Been wanting to check Colorado for a while.

          • more beer

            That`s a pretty tough swim since Colorado is landlocked.

          • Dagon

            Tell me about it. It was a fucking chore to get to Bolivia.

          • more beer

            I`ll bet.

          • more beer

            Guinness rules but is low abv. Stella rips you of for a half an oz per beer. Look at the label they are only 11.5 oz`s. Boo to that!

          • They were strong, I was drinking 7% and above.

          • KJU’s Dancing Testicle Teethys

            Some of the brews back in Chicago go for up to $20 a glass.

  • The W.

    That Dan Webb covers art. This is now a boing thread.

    -Link Leonhart.

    • Oh crap! My venezuelan crappy connection can’t beat your super gringo servers!!

      We’re entering a new Boing! dimension.

      • Alucard, Fuckmothering Vampire

        I think today I managed to feel your pain, if only for a little bit. For 5 hours today I was unable to get on any website, minus short 30 second periods.
        Shit sucks, and no one should have to go through with it, anywhere in the world, ever.

        • The W.

          Sometimes I go camping for fun.

          • Tyree

            Camp fire, food, beer… No worries.

          • The W.

            Cook up some beans and dogs over the fire.

          • Tyree

            Oh yeah! It’s not camping with out franks n’ beans. I have a cast iron pot that I hang over the fire. I fill it up with oil and fry up some home cut steak fries and chicken wings.

          • The W.

            That sounds great. I usually bring one with me too. I like to cook up bacon and eggs when I camp.

          • Tyree

            Yup, camp breakfast is always a must. Like you said, bacon, eggs, and whatever else.

            I like to do the bacon first then do the eggs and hash in the bacon grease. OH MAN!

          • The W.

            You’re doing it right.

          • Tyree

            I got this one year for Christmas. Use it every time I’m camping.

            http://www.firepies.com/bigdaddy9995.jpg

          • The W.

            Holy cow! That thing would be totally impractical for backpacking, but you could do some serious campsite cooking with it. What a beast.

          • Tyree

            Hahaha! Yeah, I don’t travel with it. I just keep it at our cabin.

          • J.R.

            Talk about “impractical for backpacking”, I’ve got a cot with a tent built on top of it. It’s amazing. One of hose things I’d drag out of the truck to make kids jealous at Boy Scout Camporees and large council events. No room for “stuff” though

          • KJU’s Dancing Testicle Teethys

            Also handy for whacking people.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HNR4hKbSH7I

          • Howard Dean

            That looks like a happy and well fed man, right there.

          • KJU’s Dancing Testicle Teethys

            Damn, looks like one of those giant skillets they use for Mongolian BBQ!

          • more beer

            Never forget beer is an important part of a good camping breakfast.

          • KJU’s Dancing Testicle Teethys

            Or cooking people like that movie Alive!

          • Mother Shabubu III 12 BRICKS

            Sasquatch, rapists, murderers, rabid animals, getting lost, mosquitoes with west Nile, dehydration, forest fire, etc…

            Lots of worries for me.

          • more beer

            Life gets no better than that!

          • Alucard, Fuckmothering Vampire

            But I’m too busy killing fake vampires and watching crappy movies.

          • I may or may not have gone out into the wild on several separate occasions with nothing but clothes and a couple emergency supplies and lived off the land for four or five days. That shit is fun…unless you can’t find anything to eat. It then becomes not fun.

          • The W.

            I’ve never tried that, but I have been in a few sticky situations in the great outdoors.

          • I only ever ran into a bear once. Luckily, it ran at the sight of me.

          • KJU’s Dancing Testicle Teethys

            Or get eaten a la Grizzly Man!

        • It’s weird. Seems like I’m infecting everyone with some Venezuelan stuff 😛

      • INDUBITABEARD

        Gringo servers >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

      • KJU’s Dancing Testicle Teethys
    • KJU’s Dancing Testicle Teethys
  • Alucard, Fuckmothering Vampire

    Off topic for a sec, After many years (months) dealing with the fact that I was both Oli Sykes, and used to be Oli Sykes at the same time (still don’t know how that works), I did a computing exam, and had a freak accident that turned me into Alucard, fuckmothering vampire and lead vampire hunter for the Hellsing Organization.
    For reals, I wanted a change to something less poserish, so Alucard.
    Alucard (Formerly Known As Oli Sykes)

    • Howard Dean

      I don’t understand any of this.

      • Reading it made my penis soft.

        • you will no longer have a bulge in you sweatpants? D:

        • Alucard, Fuckmothering Vampire

          How is this even possible.
          You’re bulge was the one thing keeping this together.

        • Lacertilian

          Flurge

        • KJU’s Dancing Testicle Teethys

          I love anime, actually. *runs away from Joe’s Weeaboo Police*

      • Mother Shabubu III 12 BRICKS

        Anime is a hell of a drug, but not as bad as metalcore.

    • So you’re a huge fan of the Twilight movies?

    • Tyree
      • Alucard, Fuckmothering Vampire

        This is like when I came out as Oli Sykes all over again.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Is this about pokemon or something?

    • JW(E)G

      I prefer to think of you as that guy from Symphony of the Night.
      Also probably Dawn of Sorrow (paper thin disguise and all that).

    • INDUBITABEARD

      I rly like garlic, bro.

    • Kevin Nash & Friends

      This confuses me more than any of the fake stories I told about myself back near the beginning of this site.

      • Alucard, Fuckmothering Vampire

        Long story short, Computing still sucks, got bored of pretending to be Oli Sykes, now pretending to be Alucard from Hellsing Ultimate (Abridged version, Original’s great but Abridged is funnier), and I still like *Redacted to avoid rustled jimmies*.
        Not much has changed.

        • Kevin Nash & Friends

          That makes more sense.

    • KJU’s Dancing Testicle Teethys

      I was thinking you were Alucard from Castlevania 3.

  • Alucard, Fuckmothering Vampire

    These choons gave me a huge, throbbing vampire boner.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2nRnKaepDmU

  • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    (all 3 at once -full vol)
    https://youtu.be/qdMA2spF0Bg

    -https://youtu.be/CUxRQP0wwWc

    -https://youtu.be/5nU148c3TCg

  • i thoroughly enjoyed Secret Admirer, @joethrashnkill:disqus!!!

    • Dagon

      Jamming it right now. Waiting for the supermodels to start gravitating towards my stereo.

      • INDUBITABEARD

        Pfft, they probably dont know how to swim.

    • Kevin Nash & Friends

      I enjoy it as well.

  • Secret Admirer is like kidpnapping a middle class venezuelan. Put him/her in the trunk of your car tied up with a Nokia phone recording the audio of everything happening and pass Maracaibo bridge at the middle of the night.

    I liked Dan & the Spiders for the Boing! music.

    Great compilation, Joey Joe.

  • Waiting for Mamá Chabubu III 12 ladrillos for a Tiny-Hands-Joe joke of how much time he invested typing this article.

    • Mother Shabubu III 12 BRICKS

      ¿doce?
      ¡doce!

      Whhooooa

      Acabo de encontrar doce ladrillos
      mirando en el lado de la carretera

      ¡Ellos van! Doce ladrillos

      ¡Silenciar, la maldición!

  • CyberneticOrganism

    “You treat your stepmother with respect, Pantera!”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2khPKg1idaI

  • The W.

    Secret Admirer reminds me of a film soundtrack. Not bad.

    • The W.

      I can dig Annakarina.

    • Tyree

      Sort of reminds me of the Interstellar score.

      • The W.

        I still haven’t seen that movie >_<. It's on the list!

        • Tyree

          It’s long, that’s why it took me a while to commit to it. Worth it though, I’m still sort of fucked up from watching it.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            The time dilation parts of the film were beautiful. Going down onto the surface of that planet? Better not stay longer than an hour or the guy on the spaceship ages 7 years, and everyone on earth ages 20 years.

            Black holes are our time-ripping windows into the void. Now and forever.

            http://cdni.condenast.co.uk/642×390/g_j/Interstellar-01-GQ-30Oct14_pr_b_642x390.jpg

          • Tyree

            Yeah dude. Total fucking mind fuck.

          • That movie completely shat its pants once the dude went into the black hole. I was on board until that moment. Then I jumped ship. And got eaten by a shark. The end.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            I agree that it got a little “heady sci-fi” once he entered the tesseract, but I give Nolan full props for taking it all the way there and not removing it entirely in order for the unwashed theater-going masses to understand it better. That said, I was a little disappointed they didn’t visualize McConaughey being ripped apart at the atomic level once he approached the event horizon.

          • I’d argue that this attempt at “heady sci-fi” was actually nothing less than a full-fledged APPEAL to said unwashed theater-going masses. “Fuck all this mindboggling science–here’s some sap for ya!”

          • Óðhinn

            Without going into the details of how I know this, they actually went to great lengths to make sure the VFX were visually accurate while still making the film entertaining.

          • you watched the special features of the blu-ray? huehuehue
            did they consult somebody who actually went into a black hole? huehuehue
            …my work here is done.

          • Óðhinn

            Umm…Sure.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Yeah I could do without the sap in movies like this. Not every film needs a “strained parent/child relationship” subplot.

          • they should have went full-on Disney’s Black Hole with the ending

          • that movie was shatting its pants right out the gate. then there’s about 1.5 hours of good cinema, then right back to shatting.

          • Ebert could not have said it more better.

          • KJM

            I enjoyed it just fine.

  • Dagon

    Joey, all 3 have my seal of approval. It’s worth nothing, but it’s just something I felt like saying.

    Gonna spend some time with the progskrammerz.

  • KJM

    So, commence to jigglin’?

  • Kevin Nash & Friends

    That Annakarina is so beautiful. It makes Heafdeaven look like human excrement.

  • Mother Shabubu III 12 BRICKS

    Woo dawg have I got a shitty record for you Joey Joe Joe. My own lo-fi noise rock, recorded in my friend’s basement. https://soundcloud.com/tvshbe/sets/mega-fahrenheit-party-of-the

    • I’m contacting Ayyliens with this!

    • KJU’s Dancing Testicle Teethys

      Lol, the rabbit with a dildo part reminds me of the artwork on Die Antwoord’s first CD! One of the most penisified CDs ever made.

  • old_man_doom

    Whoa, Secret Admirer is very creepy in a stalker/American Psycho kinda way. Diggin’ it

  • KJM

    Watching it again

    • KJU’s Dancing Testicle Teethys

      Damn, I keep forgetting to watch that one. *sighs and adds it to my never ending queue*

    • old_man_doom

      So goddamn good.

    • i bet it’s gud on drugs

      • KJM

        iz vry gud

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Good for you, man. *high five*

  • KJM

    tfw you realize you should’ve only taken 2 tabs instead of 4

  • Master Of Puppets

    *flush*

  • The Satan Ov Hell

    I do have that old atmo-black album I made.

  • Lacertilian

    Dan Webb & The Spiders are pretty cool, remind me of some of the stuff they play on Triple J (national radio station here).