YOU Pick the Sexiest Dude in Metal: The Sexy Sixteen

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The full field of 32 is revealed! Did your favorite hottie make the cut? Find out and vote them to the top!

Inspired by Revolver Magazine, who, against all odds and relevance, just published their annual collection of the “25 HOTTEST CHICKS IN HARD ROCK”, we’ve decided to reduce humanity to its basest, most bangable instincts. The TovH writing staff made our selections for 32 of our favorite heavy metal hunks and we’ve placed them all in sweaty head-to-head competition against each other for our own carnal amusement. We’ve decided to include metal guys young and old, in addition to a couple of dearly departed, especially sexy dudes. Which hottie will take home the crown of Sexiest Dude in Metal? It’s up to you, the reader. Make your picks and then put your bold predictions for the tournament in the comments.

Before we get the new contests, let’s look at the results of the first two rounds of voting!

Peter Steele (951) vs Tim Lambesis (665)
Troy Sanders (520) vs Teemu Mantysaari (474)
James Pligge (394) vs George Lynch (446)
Jeff Loomis (639) vs Nergal (597)
Dave Mustaine (628) vs Fabio Lione (633)
Rob Halford (434) vs Doyle (657)
Chuck Schuldiner (662) vs Howard Jones (552)
Tommy Karevik (1263) vs Sebastian Bach (425)
Greg Puciato (439) vs Thomas Giles (242)
Eric Adams (207) vs Quorthon (394)
Tosin Abasi (334) vs Bill Steer (292)
Kiko Louriero (298) vs Doug Moore (578)
Ice Dale (146) vs Chrileon (695)
Keith Buckley (272) vs Andy Williams (355)
Vreth (444) vs Mikael Stanne (103)
Adam Jarvis (316) vs George Clarke (221)


Peter Steele (Type O Negative)

After pulling out a surprisingly difficult victory over convicted felon Tim Lambesis, Peter Steele is still our number one seed and number one heartthrob.

VS.

Troy Sanders (Mastodon)

We all love Troy’s sweet nature, but can his Mastodong compete with the Type O Monster?

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 26-06-2017 00:00:00
end_date 30-06-2017 23:59:59
Poll Results:
Peter Steele vs Troy Sanders

George Lynch (Dokken, Lynch Mob)

Former bodybuilder George Lynch outflexed the competition in his match against Harm’s Whey bro. Is he sexy enough to top Jeff Loomis?

VS.

Jeff Loomis (Nevermore, Arch Enemy)

Jeff pulled off a surprising upset by besting the notoriously handsome Nergal. Now he’s going head-to-head with a similarly renowned shredder. Who is most handsome?

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 26-06-2017 00:00:00
end_date 30-06-2017 23:59:59
Poll Results:
George Lynch vs Jeff Loomis

Fabio Lione (Rhapsody of Fire, Angra)

Fabio defeated Dave Mustaine by just five votes, our narrowest margin yet. Can this Italian Stallion move on to the next round?

VS.

Doyle (Misfits)

Doyle upset the original Turbolover in the first round. Can his chiseled, mature frame crush Fabio?

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 26-06-2017 00:00:00
end_date 30-06-2017 23:59:59
Poll Results:
Fabio Lione vs Doyle

Chuck Schuldiner (Death)

The beloved death metal originator defeated Howard Jones by a healthy margin. Can this sexy Human continue his winning ways?

VS.

Tommy Karevik (Kamelot)

The Kamelot vocalist pulled off the upset of this young competition by destroying the extremely sexy Young Sebastian Bach by more than 800(!!!) votes. Can this Swedish firefighter defeat the handsome Chuck?

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 26-06-2017 00:00:00
end_date 30-06-2017 23:59:59
Poll Results:
Chuck Schuldiner vs Tommy Karevik

Greg Puciato (Dillinger Escape Plan)

The sexiest man in Dillinger Escape Plan advanced to the next round because DUH, look at him. Take me in your ample arms, Greg.

VS.

Quorthon (Bathory)

All the old heads were livid that Quorthon and Manowar’s Eric Adams were locked into mortal battle so early in the contest. Quorthon proved sexier. Can he keep it up?

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 26-06-2017 00:00:00
end_date 30-06-2017 23:59:59
Poll Results:
Greg Puciato vs Quorthon

Tosin Abasi (Animals As Leaders)

Tosin toppled Carcass-genius Bill Steer. Can his sexiness and otherworldly guitar playing carry him to the finals?

VS.

Doug Moore (Pyrhhon)

Doug Moore easily dispatched Kiko Louriero. Can this sexy man out-sexy Tosin Abasi?

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 26-06-2017 00:00:00
end_date 30-06-2017 23:59:59
Poll Results:
Tosin Abasi vs Doug Moore

Chrileon (Twilight Force)

Chrileon’s Middle Earth-esque sexiness lent him 550 more votes than his competitor in the last round. Can he continue to engorge the shire?

VS.

Andy Williams (Every Time I Die)

Every Time I Die’s beefy guitarist destroyed his conventionally handsome band mate and is ready to piledrive the competition.

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 26-06-2017 00:00:00
end_date 30-06-2017 23:59:59
Poll Results:
Chrileon vs Andy Williams

Vreth (Finntroll)

Vreth took the last round by storm after… uh… I’m sorry, I’m just terribly distracted by how hot he is.

VS.

Adam Jarvis (Misery Index, Pig Destroyer)

In another shocking shake-up, Adam Jarvis knocked off Acclaimed Metal Vocalist George Clarke! Can this dreamy drummer continue his winning ways?

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 26-06-2017 00:00:00
end_date 30-06-2017 23:59:59
Poll Results:
Vreth vs Adam Jarvis

Behold! The full bracket.

  • Lacertilian

    Managed to find a spare 5 minutes that aligned with hers to get Mrs Lizard’s opinions on this round of the competition.

    Me: “Are you in a particularly snarky mood right now?”

    Her: “Alright let’s do this. I hope I don’t fail you”
    ——————————————————————————————–
    Peter Steele – “*extended snort laughs* *sigh* OHH! THERE’S A PANTHER IN HIS HAIR! Sorry, I was mesmerised by his ‘blue-steel’ in black and white. What am I supposed to be doing here again? They’re versing each other right? *crosses arms* I just…there’s something inside of me that wants to come out but I don’t know how to put it. He’s like a wizard. He’s a famous model from the wizarding world”.

    Troy Sanders – “Dirty street-pie. He needs a hair brush and a beard trim. Feel like it’s unfair putting him up against Peter Steele, I mean really. Is he Australian? No. [Me: “no he’s not”.] You don’t have to write that. Don’t write that. It’s not funny. He looks he’s from Byron Bay without dreads.”
    ———————————————————————————————-

    George Lynch – “*Raises eyebrows and sneers* He looks like Ron Moss. Do you know who that is? He’s Ridge from Bold and the Beautiful. That’s not a compliment. If you look up douche in the dictionary his picture will be there. 80’s douche. Is he from the 80’s? [Me: “Yes”] I hope Jeff Loomis is better looking *laughs*”

    Jeff Loomis – “*cackles loudly* ahem, *deep exhale* you know that, umm, Norway dude *googles name* Anders Breivik. That just makes me think of him. I don’t even know if they look the same. *google images* HAH! Little bit. He loses”
    ———————————————————————————————

    Fabio – “*reads ahead sees the name Fabio, laughs* “Fabio! Is it really Fabio? Like I can’t believe it’s not butter Fabio. *laughs* I know that face, how do I know that face? Has he been in movies…or has someone done a piss-take of him? He’s very serious looking. He looks like the younger version of the guy in the painting in Ghostbusters”

    Doyle – “Oh god, what the fuck? I think my brain deleted him from my memory to save me. Has someone photo-shopped his abs? Just behind the guitar there, look at his belly-button and the line underneath his ribs. It looks like someone’s photoshopped a patch of skin. Maybe he doesn’t have a belly-button. They’ve photoshopped one on there. He’s creepy as fuck.”
    ———————————————————————————————

    Chuck – “Oh yeah, I remember this face. He was in the first one yeah? I wish I could remember what I said. Was I disparaging or complimentary? I don’t want to seem like a hypocritical bitch here. He’s got the ahh, umm, this is mean I can’t say this. People will search for me and kill me. He looks like a Hanson brother.”

    Tommy – “Well you can’t see his face. *google images* Well based on that he’s got nice hair. One of the first things that comes up for him is TK girlfriend. Oh no, he’s got one of those flavour-saver things. It’s like a stripe. It’s dumb. Man, he fucked up a perfectly good face. Ugh. You should see it. He’s decent looking, but then he’s got this…thing. It looks fake. Anyway, Chuck wins.”
    ———————————————————————————————–

    Greg – “Hah, that looks like Macklemore’s cousin. There’s just nothing that I enjoy about his face. Move on to..what does that say? I can’t read that from here. Don’t put that bit in. *watches me continue transcribing* You irritate me.”

    Quorthon – “Oh Quorthon. Hmmm. Weeell, he’s got nice cheek bones. I’ll pick him coz it’s an old picture. He’s not around anymore is he? Neither of them are very impressive.”
    ———————————————————————————————–

    Tosin – “*laughs* I can’t say anything. *google images* He’s got a dumb hat like Pharrel. He’s just an average dude. Meh”.

    Doug – “Doug. Oh wait, this is the guy that was better looking in other pictures. Joe is screwing with me. Tell him to change the picture. Dammit. I pick him. This is a no-brainer.”
    ———————————————————————————————–

    Chrileon – “I thought it was a girl when you were scrolling, so he has lovely hair. *google images* He looks like an elf. Like he’s from Legends Of Zelda, what’s that game?”

    Andy Williams – “*laughs loudly and stares me down*. People are trolling yeah? The other guy. Elf-man. Legolas. He wins.”
    ————————————————————————————————

    Vreth – “I know that name, Vreth. Oh yeah, Scottish babe. *chuckles* But he’s not Scottish. Is that his real name Vreth? Because when I saw the name, I thought ‘oh man, this is gonna be some freaky Doyle shit'”.

    Adam – “Awww. Poor Adam Jarvis. He loses. How can he compete with Vreth? If you put him up against GL or Fabio he’d win for sure. I feel like he’s better than most of the others but he can’t compete with Scottish babe. *googles Vreth* Oh he’s got a normal name. Oh no, that was just a really good picture. *shrugs* Oh well. Maybe I’m just not a fan of metal hair. Like long hair just looks like girl hair to me. Vreth still wins. Mathias.”

    • Caroline Harrison

      Mrs. Lizard is a wise woman.

    • Joaquin Stick

      By chance, is the reason she knows Fabio’s face because he looks like Weird Al? Totally looks like Weird Al to me.

      • Lacertilian

        Her: “*raises eyebrows* Oh my god! He’s blonde Weird Al!”

        • Joaquin Stick

          YESSSSS

    • Hans

      At a cursory glance, I just perceived Doyle as shredded; I kinda wish I hadn’t looked closer.

      • Lacertilian

        Her: “*evil laughter* Hahahah, suuucked iiiiinnnnn!”

    • Max

      Wow, I never realized, but yes, George Lynch DOES look like Ron Moss.

      But then, I also never realized how metal and kvlt a song “Baby Come Back” is.

    • Morbidly Obese Angel

      Chuck totally does look like a Hanson brother…

  • tigeraid

    Loomis is love. Loomis is life.

    (But he will still be pile-driven into sexy oblivion by Peter Steele in the final.)

    • RepostedAvengedSevenfoldFan2

      He is SO nice and sexy and beastly!!! grrr <3 <3

      – tocrazy4cabbage, 3 months ago

  • Elegant Gazing Globe
    • RepostedAvengedSevenfoldFan2

      boom … pregnant ahahah

      -Lara bergonzo, 1 month ago

    • Who would ever expect a man that looks like THAT would write creepy songs about going after underage girls.

      • Elegant Gazing Globe

        not me cuz I’m a dude and looking at that pic makes me fully torqued

      • Óðinn

        Yes. I think he would.

    • “Kip can I borrow your sunnies?”
      “Yea but you gotta grab em yourself.”

      • Dumpster Lung

        Where’s Fharc? Do Australians say “sunnies?” because it sounds like they would.

        • Hans

          I think they frequently park their sunnies in their unnies, yes.

        • Óðinn

          I’m no expert, buy sounds Australian.

          • NDG

            Pretty much spot on.

        • Max

          Yes, we say “sunnies.” In Oz, we like to abbrev.

          • Óðinn

            What about this map of Australia? Is it correct? Looks like Melbourne is the place to be if I read it correctly.

            https://i.imgur.com/ZTbGQE2_d.jpg?maxwidth=640&shape=thumb&fidelity=high

          • Max

            You’ve read it incorrectly. The place to be is “Wineries”. That’s where I am. Or “Friendly Inbred Mutants”; they have a nice art gallery where Sunn0))) once played.

          • Óðinn

            Thanks Max. The wineries sound nice.

    • Óðinn

      Gah! We need a no banana hammock rule. Disgusting.

  • Eliza

    Some of the toughest choices I’ve ever had to make. {[(I’m sorry, Troy!) Not that he will ever see this] I’m weird}.

  • ME GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ

    LAMBEEZY LOSED????? AWWWWWW…… HE WUZ ONLY ONE IN SEXY CONTEST WITH BOOBIES 🙁

    • RepostedAvengedSevenfoldFan2

      I believe boobs are awesome

      – Smootchie Wallace commented

      • ME GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ

        GORAK AGREE SMOOTCHIE, GORAK AGREE!!!!!!!!!

  • AndySynn

    I am hereby selecting myself as a write-in vote.

    • You have to be attractive to do that

      • AndySynn

        That’s why I only have one vote.

  • Dumpster Lung

    I voted on a few, but man I just don’t know what to do on some of these.

  • Sir Ukkometso The Based

    I will always refuse to vote for GL.

    • *aggressive farting*

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      I will always refuse to vote for you as well.

  • Leif Bearikson

    HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO GEORGE CLARKE

  • Hans

    Goodbye, Eric Adams… I don’t even remember if I voted for you, but you will be missed.

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    I voted against Doyle because he didn’t deserve to best Halford.

    • Doyle must be doing something rite since he snagged the hand of that one pretty lady

  • If Fabio loses to the (possibly fake) shredded muscles of Doyle, I’ll be content with that.

    Even the dad bod tempts me against voting for Chrileon, but it’s not enough

  • Who wants to play?

    M: Fabio
    F: Chrileon
    K: Tosin

    • M: Adam Jarvis
      F: Finntroll guy
      K: Doyle

    • Bert Banana

      M: Greg Puciato
      F: Adam Jarvis
      K: Kamelot Dude

    • Wet W’s Whistle

      K
      Y
      S

  • Spear

    Doyle looks like he’s made from putty. I bet if you punched him in the gut, your fist print would stay there.

    • Óðinn

      #DoyleFacts

  • RJA

    George Clarke lost – you people are just lying to yourselves!

  • Bert Banana

    CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED METAL VOCALIST GEORGE CLARKE DESERVED BETTER THAN A FIRST ROUND “L” YOU MONSTERS!

    THAT MATCHUP SHOULD HAVE AN ELITE 8 MATCHUP FFS!

    #TeamJarvis #TeamPuciato #TeamSteele #TeamChuck

  • Morbidly Obese Angel

    It was hard to vote against Adam Jarvis. But…… it just….. had to be done

  • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

    I was kinda hoping the final match would be Steele vs Steer, but since that ain’t happening anymore. now I want Steele vs Quorton (a match of dead people)

  • xaeon official

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/47024828565aeb8abfe2a9d31dfb92357360234be347e2ad821246f7a15bbff2.jpg

    How is Phil Anselmo not on here? He was hot as hell when he was younger, and pretty much all the way up to him being “old” (i dont like calling him old). Also, Dave Mustaine was really attractive, Sully from Godsmack, the guys from Carach Angren… we are missing a lot of people from this list lol.

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