YOU Pick the Sexiest Dude in Metal: The Erotic Eight

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Only eight sexy metal dudes remain! Did your favorite hottie make the cut? Find out and vote them to the top!

Inspired by Revolver Magazine, who, against all odds and relevance, just published their annual collection of the “25 HOTTEST CHICKS IN HARD ROCK”, we’ve decided to reduce humanity to its basest, most bangable instincts. The TovH writing staff made our selections for 32 of our favorite heavy metal hunks and we’ve placed them all in sweaty head-to-head competition against each other for our own carnal amusement. We’ve decided to include metal guys young and old, in addition to a couple of dearly departed, especially sexy dudes. Which hottie will take home the crown of Sexiest Dude in Metal? It’s up to you, the reader. Make your picks and then put your bold predictions for the tournament in the comments.

Before we get the new contests, let’s look at the results of the last round of voting!

Peter Steele (445) vs Troy Sanders (266)
George Lynch (307) vs Jeff Loomis (333)
Fabio (372) vs Doyle (486)
Chuck Schuldiner (519) vs Tommy Karevik (121)
Greg Puciato (425) vs Quorthon (294)
Tosin Abasi (345) vs Doug Moore (564)
Chrileon (316) vs Andy Williams (330)
Vreth (287) vs Adam Jarvis (636)


Peter Steele (Type O Negative)

Legendarily sexy Peter Steele took out doe-eyed Troy Sanders by a wide margin in the last round. The only thing that can stop him from dominating this competition is his current deceased state. Can he overcome that setback to be declared the sexiest dude in metal?

VS.

Jeff Loomis (Nevermore, Arch Enemy)

Jeff Loomis continues to pull out surprising wins over his more conventionally handsome competitors. Can this blonde babe continue his string of upsets?

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 03-07-2017 00:00:00
end_date 08-07-2017 23:59:59
Poll Results:
Peter Steele vs Jeff Loomis

Doyle (Misfits)

This slab of mature beef continues to powerlift his way through the bracket. Will Doyle be the Famous Monster that wins the whole thing?

VS.

Chuck Schuldiner (Death)

Everyone loves Chuck. The sweet, sexy death metal originator has overcome being living impaired to make his way here, to the Erotic Eight. Will he out-sexy Doyle?

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 03-07-2017 00:00:00
end_date 08-07-2017 23:59:59
Poll Results:
Doyle vs Chuck Schuldiner

Greg Puciato (Dillinger Escape Plan)

*Swoon*

VS.

Doug Moore (Pyrrhon)

Doug Moore, the swole vocalist of Toilet favorites Pyrrhon, continues to slay his competition despite literally everyone on Earth telling me a I chose a poor picture of him for the bracket.

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 03-07-2017 00:00:00
end_date 08-07-2017 23:59:59
Poll Results:
Greg Puciato vs Doug Moore

Andy Williams (Every Time I Die)

Andy Williams crushed both Keith Buckley’s leading man good looks and Chrileon’s Orlando Bloom lookin’ ass. It’s fair to say this beefy boy might just win the whole damn contest.

VS.

Adam Jarvis (Misery Index, Pig Destroyer)

It’s a burly man fight! This powerful drummer dusted Vreth and Acclaimed Metal Vocalist George Clarke by a wide margin. Now it’s time to decide which bearded hunk is best.

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 03-07-2017 00:00:00
end_date 08-07-2017 23:59:59
Poll Results:
Andy Williams vs Adam Jarvis
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  • What the hell happened to Chrileon? 🙁

    • The Mighty Thorange

      He left early to win the Sexiest Elf in Metal Contest.

    • fuckin’ WRECKED by Andy Williams

      • RepostedAvengedSevenfoldFan2

        he’s just sooo freaking gorgeous and sexy i would kill to get the chance to dance with him!!! maybe more than just dance… *__*

        -chokladen94, 20 hours ago

      • Idk if i’d call 14 votes WRECKED

        • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

          He wasn’t talking about the votes either ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

          • The Arm(KJM)

            Ouch.

  • You continue to dissapoint me in newfangled and mysterious ways, Toilet folk.

    • Eliza

      Deep inside, we know there are no true winners in this competition. So we should, at least, not think too hard about it.

  • Jay Riemenschneider

    I’m impressed that Doug Moore continues to leave every opponent in his dust.

  • Guacamole Jim

    I suppose my inability to determine what “good looking” for men means stems from my not being gay, because I’ve basically voted for everyone who’s now lost, and I’m stuck wondering what the hell is appealing about Doyle and what kind of alien Jeff Loomis is.

    • Doyle is swole. Jeff programmed a bot to vote for him a million times.

      • Óðinn

        If only Doyle could use those muscles to pick up a book. Sadly, that’s the one thing he seems not to be able to lift.

    • The Arm(KJM)

      I’ve only voted for Peter because I think he’s cool and I like Type O and Carnivore, voted for Chuck for similar reasons. I’ve passed on the rest of the votes.

      • So basically you’re specifically not voting based on looks, even though this is a tournament based on looks

        • The Arm(KJM)

          Yessir. Otherwise I wouldn’t be voting at all.

      • more beer

        I voted on none ugly dudes are still ugly!

    • I’ve voted for Adam Jarvis because it looks like you <3

      • Guacamole Jim

        D’awww <3

    • Óðinn

      To me, Pete Steele looks like an actual serial killer. I’m not sure if other people think so too, or if that makes him attractive to people? I dunno. Whatever.

  • HessianHunter

    WHO VOTED AGAINST TOSIN ABASI
    SHOW YOURSELVES, YOU FOUL BESMIRCHERS OF ALL THAT IS TRUE

    • Eliza

      We shall grieve the fallen.

    • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

      You should be happy he defeated God himself Bill Steer

    • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

      Me

    • Tosin != true, sorry

  • tigeraid

    PETER vs. JEFF?! YOU VILE FIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • tigeraid
    • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

      “I didn’t think he was gonna do ‘Moon River’ then BAM! Second encore”

  • Primordial Chaos
  • Leif Bearikson

    You are all garbage and I hate you, the end.

    • Guacamole Jim

      Is this different from how you felt before?

      • Jom Pootersan

        Chrileon, Vren, and Teemu are all gone. YA’LL DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO GAY

  • Depechemodeisgangsta

    The way this is going, safe to say Peter is going all the way.

  • Eliza

    Next week will be brutal.

    • GoatForest

      I’m calling the championship here. Chuck vs Pete.

  • Maik Beninton™

    Why is Doyle here, his tummy is disgusting to look at.

    • Eliza

      Different people, different tastes.

  • Maik Beninton™

    And how dare you eliminate Chrileon, Jarvis, GO!

    • megachiles

      My spouse is peeved Chrileon and Vreth are out. 🙁

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    I hate Doyle even more now. First he eliminated Rob Halford then he eliminated George Lynch. He won’t get away with this.

    • Dubby Fresh

      You gonna quit if he wins?

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        Nope.

    • Dumpster Lung

      It also occurs to me. . .why is he even here?

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        I don’t know.

        • Dumpster Lung

          I mean most people into any sort of punk or metal enjoy them, but putting him up against Rob Halford is heresy. Go knock BIllie Joe Armstrong out of a contest instead, Doyle. Get outta here!

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    I also am very mad at Jeff Loomis for eliminating George Lynch.

    • Óðinn

      He shat a Lynch?

  • Maik Beninton™

    Eliminating GL is heresy.

  • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

    Seems legit
    Playmate vs Fuckface
    Fake Tit Bimbo vs Kiddo
    Robert Downey the III vs Doug “Moore Hunk” Moore
    And how the fuck is Jarvis triumphing over Andy?

    • Morbidly Obese Angel

      Because Jarvis is much much better looking, in every conceivable way

      • Toxik Avenger

        But I heard there was a dadbod thing happening these days… is it over already?

  • Gary the Dairy Fairy

    How is Greg Puciato getting crushed like this? Y’all are crazy.

    • Major Zim

      SERIOUSLY

  • erwreckya

    Chrileon’s bandmate Arendir should have been allowed to double team the competition with him. Look how cuddly they are! And he competed in swedish Ninja Warrior. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/76e8ba2e68d2d7e6da27cb27db5d1b3a6f23f03a610adb24655b28bee3121b14.jpg

  • Óðinn

    Other than the statement it makes about sexism, this particular competition has really sparked my apathy. It’s a bit of a sausagefest, but people seem to be having fun with it though.

    • more beer

      Agreed 100%. It’s kind of like the Toilet version of Chippendales.

    • I don’t discriminate: a sexy person is a sexy person, regardless of gender.

      • Óðinn

        But by choosing one person as “sexier” than another, are you not, by definition, descriminating? 😉

        • I have been caught in a web of lies by my friend Odinn!

          • Óðinn

            I guess I’m just speaking for myself. I know this topic was democratically chosen by the Toileteers. I respect that. I just found myself looking at the brackets, wanting to vote for the dude whose band I like better, realizing that’s not the right criteria, and then just not voting.

            I guess, on a positive note, not voting is a very American thing to do. Now I know how the hoi polloi feel on election day.

  • Orfleksson

    For real though, that’s not a good picture of Doug.

  • Señor Jefe El Rossover

    Bullshit.

  • Caroline Harrison

    Wait but where is Mrs. Lizard’s commentary!?!?

  • Stockhausen

    You’ll cowards don’t even Doug Moore. GTFO

    • Edward

      Indeed.

  • Justin Mays

    I’d nominate Mark Tremonti. For the women’s bracket, Angela Gossow