YOU Choose the Best Unsigned Band in the U.S: The Elite Eight – Pt. 1

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Who will it be?

Three rounds of relentless battle have brought us to the Elite Eight. Which of these warriors will prevail?! TODAY: California vs. Wisconsin! Maine vs. Missouri!

HOW IT WORKS:
Some people say that art isn’t a competition. Those people are losers. EVERYTHING is a competition. Here at the Toilet ov Hell, we’ve gone and declared the best unsigned band in each state of the union. Now we’re pitting these warriors against each other for the right to claim the ultimate prize: The title of Best of the Best. Which band will champion their state to glory? That’s up for you to decide.

Each state was seeded by population size. The 14 most-populous states received a first round bye. Today, 4 bands are battling it out for supremacy. Destroy Judas (CA), Arctic Sleep (WI), Sylvia (ME), and Existem (MO). Voting for this round closes Sunday, September 20th at 7:00 PM CST.

bracket4


Destroy Judas (California) VS. Arctic Sleep (Wisconsin)

Destroy Judas – “Using a triple guitar attack, understated drumming that still pummels with the best of them, and vocals that roar with the fury of a angered lion, these fellows carve out epic mournful soundscapes that recall the best of Mouth of the Architect, Minsk, and even Mare (remember them?).”
(Read the full writeup) (Facebook)

Arctic Sleep – “When you need PROG and also want some dang FEELINGS to go with it, Arctic Sleep is your band. Like if Poison The Well ghostwrote a Baroness album.”
(Read the full writeup) (Facebook)

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 14-12-2014 20:22:33
end_date 20-09-2015 19:00:00
Poll Results:
Destroy Judas vs. Arctic Sleep

Sylvia (Maine) VS. Existem (Missouri)

Sylvia – “Sylvia offer varying speeds and tempos, accelerating to enable thunderous drum beats replete with furious guitar riffs that crush souls… before abruptly taking a foot off the gas to pummel you into submission with lurching, sinister breakdowns.”
(Read the full writeup) (Facebook)

Existem – “In my opinion the best so-called prog bands are ones that don’t go fully prog. Think Opeth in their heyday, Burst, Cult of Luna, Extol, and so forth. Existem are very much in the vein of these bands. They create prog metal that isn’t afraid to veer off the beaten path but exists within the confine of a song. The material here is not an overblown jam session like so many bands are guilty of recording.”
(Read the full writeup) (Facebook)

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 14-12-2014 20:22:33
end_date 20-09-2015 19:00:00
Poll Results:
Sylvia vs. Existem
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  • We entered the final rounds…

    IT’S HAPPENING, TOILET!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TkBMAHUkibY

    • IT’S HAPPENING THIS TOO!

      BDUBS BEER BROS+METALLICA FUEL 2015!

      BEWARE THE PEOPLE ASKING ALL OF YOU HOW COOL SOUNDS ENTER SANDMAN!

      I’M SO GLAD I DON’T LIVE IN US, NOW! WAAJAJAJAJAJA!

      ALL HAIL THE DANISH PROPHET!!!

      http://i1.wp.com/www.metalinjection.net/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/METALLICA-BEER-CASE.jpg?fit=750%2C1000

      • Vote for Jeb

        I see French on the side of that box.

        • They wanted to pose as sophisticated.

        • Óðinn

          Probably a box from Canada. Half of the labeling has to be in French by law, even though French is really only spoken in one Province. The other side of the box might be in English.

      • Shit beer and shit music coming together to make more shit.

        • Óðinn

          Maybe they’ll do a Lulu edition, which is beer that’s already been drank and then vomited prior to canning.

  • Vote for Jeb

    Everyone I love(d in this bracket) is dead.

    • Herr Schmitty

      Everyone I loved IRL (Sylvia) in this bracket is alive!

      And one person I didn’t love so much IRL (a member of FL’s Capracide) is dead. This actually going reaaaaaaaally well for me!

    • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

      That’s life doc.

      • Vote for Jeb

        We’re all just dust in the wind.

        • KJM

          Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives.

        • Mother Shabubu 8

          We all die. Eat Arby’s.

          • Óðinn

            Now that Jon Stewart isn’t on TV anymore, there just aren’t enough people making fun of Arby’s.

        • Sgt. Poopypanty’s Fartin Teeth

          We are all just turds in the bowl, broken down by the pee pee of time.

      • Dagon

        >vomits uncontrollably
        >dies

        • The funny part is that communists in Venezuela support openly the Chávez/Maduro regime, even when they weren’t communists. It was just a way to not get banned and have a couple of representatives in the Assembly.

          Communism here is a joke.

          • Vote for Jeb

            Just wait till Guacamole migrates over from Bolivia.

          • Óðinn

            Pure (unforced) Communism is highly impractical, Christianity is purely fictional, and pure capitalism is highly immoral. I prefer a social democracy personally.

          • Dagon

            Chavéz/Maduro may not have achieved communism’s final goal (because it’s impossible to achieve) but they did pretty much follow the route other communist regimes did. Srsly.

            Scarcity, government regulating how much food you can purchase, black markets, rampant inflation and controlling the media/suffocating the opposition – that’s real life communism.

          • The problem here is that ideologies don’t serve their purpose. Chávez/Maduro was just a continuation of the 50s with the populism driven actions.

            The problem now was the high prices of oil during mid 00s and crappy political practices that encouraged high levels of corruption. All what we have now are just consecquences of all of those causes, that, sadly, went to us like a snow ball.

            To me, the real issue here isn’t the communism/capitalism debate; but the lack of ability of our population to do anything else besides voting like sheeps every five years. People here are used to gifts, to social helps. For example, the problem in the borders is mostly due the unbalance of economy between Colombia and Venezuela, that made a lot of colombians running out from the guerrilla and sharing a little of the social helps along with our fellow countrymen.

            This lack of ability of the population in general just fuels the mediocrity of our country to see beyond of the present. The motto of the people here is: pan para hoy, hambre para mañana; and I’m not telling lies about this here. There’s no way here to tag the State as transparent, because all the structures of the State are so burocratic and corrupted that you can’t really see what are they doing with the taxes. There’s no way to have an accounting of what our State offices do with the money, personnel or projects.

            I just think that communism is not only impossible, but is inexistent right now. Chávez/Maduro were tagged as communists when they using national oil company as a tool for trading social helps for votes. This is State Capitalism, and, with difference of US, this State Capitalism is directed by the goverment and not by Donald Trumps or Rupert Murchochs.

          • TL;DR:

            It is the same shit, but it’s now painted with red because the country eated a lot of strawberries. And, yes, it is still stinks.

          • Dagon

            Agree 100%, but it is what happened in the USSR. Look at how many Russian millionaires emerged after they opened up the proverbial gates, those dudes and their families were already balling under the State’s permit, unlike all the plebs who were suffering.

            What you describe is textbook Latin American politics.

            Demand “free stuff” -> taxes increase to pay for free stuff -> economy is crap -> Blame the US

          • I am still flabbergasted that they get away with blaming the US. I am confident that the typical American citizens even knows the first thing about Venezuela, let along where it is on a map. Which isn’t a dig against Americans, but rather a dig against Venezuela for blaming their problems on the US, when the US doesn’t have any concern over Venezuela… Know what I mean?

          • Dagon

            I know what you mean and I guarantee in every Latin American college there is a cesspool of antiamericanism used to justify regurgitated Marxist nonsense.

            In practice, all this achieves is that we will never overcome our problems if we keep blaming everyone else for them.

          • Óðinn

            Brazil doesn’t sound that different than the United States, where Capitalism is one of our sacred cows. When the 2008 economy collapsed, the capitalist government gave $1 trillion USD to the people who caused the collapse, and left the average American mortgage holder broke after being sold bad (highly unregulated) mortgages. We should have let private financial companies fail, but we didn’t. In America, welfare is okay if it’s for the already wealthy.

          • Sgt. Poopypanty’s Fartin Teeth

            There are no actual Communist countries nowadays. The ones who claim they are are nothing more than dictatorships.

          • Óðinn

            There has never been a truly Communist country that I can think of. People think the USSR was communist because they said they were. They were a dictatorship. Now Russia is a corrupt oligarchy and military bully like the United States. North Korea also claims to be “Democratic”, but the difference is that we don’t believe them.

          • Sgt. Poopypanty’s Fartin Teeth

            Yugoslavia under Tito was the closest to actual Communist, by far.

          • Óðinn

            You could be right. I used to work with this Croatian guy who was telling me about life there. He said that they had a pretty good life there before all of the ethnic tensions in the 1990s. He seemed to miss what he lost in the breakup of Yugoslavia.

          • Sgt. Poopypanty’s Fartin Teeth

            North Korea is dismissed by even the countries that claim to be Communist, mostly because it’s a patriarchy. Which is something that Communism is absolutely again. They put Democratic in their country’s name, but if you watch any of their propaganda films, they definitely call themselves Communist. North Korea is a fucked up all it’s own.

          • Óðinn

            Yeah, they’re definitely unique when it comes to their political leaders. They’re though of as infallible. Maybe similar to religious figures, but without an actual religion.

          • Sgt. Poopypanty’s Fartin Teeth

            Partly that, and what Stalin wanted Russia to be. Ever see NK’s propaganda films?

          • Óðinn

            No, but I’ve heard that Dear Leader Kim Jong-Il was the greatest filmmaker of all-time. 😉

          • Sgt. Poopypanty’s Fartin Teeth

            Hehe! I’m out of character, but here’s some entertaining ones.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJoQOQHQ8oA
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ujtp-70zQME

            Apparently, you can take down the whole American army if you just know math and how to use a protractor. It’s not like the Navy or The Army Corps Of Engineers knows any of that stuff!

          • Óðinn

            LOL. They should use that math to figure out America’s annual military budget. They seem to have a weird fascination with snow and birds in that first one. They did get the guns thing right I guess, even though it was a non sequitur.

          • Sgt. Poopypanty’s Fartin Teeth
          • Óðinn

            He’s so cool that he has a 3 way with Veronica Mars and an oddly hot anthropomorphized squirrel lady.

          • Sgt. Poopypanty’s Fartin Teeth

            It’s a playlist. Haha, it gets even better as it goes along.

          • Sgt. Poopypanty’s Fartin Teeth

            *against*

      • Sgt. Poopypanty’s Fartin Teeth

        Is that a plunger in his gun?!?!?

    • RJA

      Yes, the last round was a tough one. Ad Infinitum, Void Ritual, The Sleer, and Borealis all gone? I’m going to have to re-assess everything here.

  • Leif Bearikson

    Remember: Several bands died for your right to vote, so please exercise that right…OR DIE.

    • RIP Jelly Nutz Justoner

      • #holyrhymes1stplace

      • Witch-Ripped KJM

        Smoke peaches every day!

        • Óðinn

          “Peaches”? Is that some kind of dank strain? 😉

          • Witch-Ripped KJM

            I believe it refers to the blunt wrappers they use.

    • JWEG

      OR died many rounds ago, though…

    • Stockhausen
      • Leif Bearikson

        You know the way to my heart

    • Sgt. Poopypanty’s Fartin Teeth

      Vote or Puff Daddy will kill you!

    • JJD Misses Witch Ripper

      The New Jerusalem that Jesus spoke of is false. Now that Witch Ripper is gone there is nothing left to do but taste Hate Street’s hanging tree and embrace your demise.

  • Death

    Nooooooo! They killed Void Ritual!

  • DCLXVI

    Wisconsin vs Missouri in the finals

    • JJM

      If we were talking states, Missouri would throw in the towel

  • EsusMoose

    Arctic Sleep all the way!

  • Maik Beninton™

    Void Ritual eliminated, that’s how you uninstall the Tapir/Death.
    http://assets.naointendo.com.br/uploads/post-assets/3381/Flor.gif

    • Upvoted for the gif.

      Downvoted for Tapir/Death bowling.

      • Death

        But I’m pretty good at bowling.

    • Witch-Ripped KJM

      Awww, poor kitteh.

  • JWEG
    • Witch-Ripped KJM

      Dammit.

  • How in the hell did Arctic Sleep make it this far? DESTORY JUDAS OR GTFO

    GL

    • No Witch Ripper 🙁

      My heart fills with pain.

      • I am most excited to see how this round of voting goes.

        I sure hope some turd doesn’t make it to the top….

      • KJM

        Grrrrr…

    • I would like very much for Artic Sleep to Destroy Judas right now.

    • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

      Destroy Judas<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

      • *The Gentle Storm Wiener Cousins For Life*

        🙂

        • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

          The Gentle Storm is a good.

          • Death

            Nope.

          • Listened to their release yesterday. It is aging well, thus far.

            GL

    • Sgt. Poopypanty’s Fartin Teeth

      Because AS >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> the universe and all it’s tendies.

  • JWEG

    There has been a tendency these last few rounds for me to pick all but one of the winners, yet that winner being the one I was most invested in. So… I have no idea how to feel.

    This left side was still easy, though.

  • Mother Shabubu 8

    I can’t believe the 18 minute bore-fest is still in this. I am disappointed in all of you.

    On a side note: Existem continues to impress me, so of course they won’t make it to the next round.

    • Death

      I would vote for the 18 minute bore-fest over Arctic Sleep every day.

      • Jag är Dödge?

      • Mother Shabubu 8

        Reason I find it boring is because there’s so many bands that have already done something like this, and done it more interestingly. They wear influences on their sleeve, but I’d rather just listen to those influencing bands. I don’t mind an 18 minute song, so long as it captures me. I didn’t vote for Sylvia for very similar reasons.

        I don’t really like Arctic Sleep that much either, but they sound somewhat unique.

      • Sgt. Poopypanty’s Fartin Teeth
        • Óðinn

          What happened to Tyree. I noticed all of his posts were deleted. Did he make a nasty comment or something?

          • Sgt. Poopypanty’s Fartin Teeth

            From what W. was saying, he’s not banned. I ran into a thing where Disqus was deleting random comments on Rawstory (where I’m a regular), and the mods had to restore all of them. Dunno if Disqus ever fixed that glitch, so that could be it. Or he simply deleted his account, or left altogether. Doesn’t seem like there was any drama with him and anyone, so the latter is unlikely.

          • Óðinn

            Thanks. Just curious. I was on a pretty uncontroversial thread about boobies (we were both in favor BTW) with him yesterday, and then his comments just disappeared.

          • Sgt. Poopypanty’s Fartin Teeth

            We shall see, I suppose. He’s got a sorta new post on FB, so at least he’s amongst the living.

    • Vote for Jeb

      It’s the invisible hand of the Facebook free market, yo.

      • Mother Shabubu 8

        Damn Facebook. Damn democratic voting process.

  • You’ll cowards failed 2 vote 4 Bereave.

    • KJM

      Damned scrugs don’t like to rip witches either.

      • Time for your new Disqus handle “Witch Ripped KJM”.

        • Witch-Ripped KJM

          It is done.

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            I voted for the witch ripper i think.

            RIP in peace

        • Sgt. Poopypanty’s Fartin Teeth

          Ripped Witches = swole witches who just got done at the gym.

  • J.R.™

    I saw “Destroy Judas v Arctic Sleep” and almost vomited from conflicting desires. I hate you Toilet

  • ChuggaChuggaDeedleyDoo

    I’ve voted primarily based on whose name I like better

  • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

    At least it’s a bad band agaibst a good-ish one from now on. Though Papa Joehova predicted the triumph of Arctic Sleep with his apparently all-seeing eyes.

  • Dagon

    I got Sylvia but was a bit undecided regarding the first bracket.

    Now that Borealis was dropped I’m not really invested in any of these bands.

  • Pagliacci is Kvlt

    Black Table’s out? HUSH is out? I’m out!

    https://media.giphy.com/media/2wg8wNlWWrnm8/giphy.gif

  • Sgt. Poopypanty’s Fartin Teeth
    • I’ve got some leftover downvotes from the last bracket if you want them.

      • Sgt. Poopypanty’s Fartin Teeth

        And many many more upvotes for Arctic Sleep’s impending victory.

    • JJD Misses Witch Ripper

      Never! They will not take my beloved Destroy Judas from me!

  • Celtic Frosty

    VOID RITUAL NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

  • Phoenix of the House Tendies

    So many wieners hating on Destroy Judas. Fucking wieners.

    Existem, Eternal Khan, and Blackgate are still in this though. Let’s do this.

    • CT-12

      Destroy Judas just released a new album as well, if you didn’t already know

  • Witch-Ripped KJM

    Ah well, backing Eternal Khan & Sylvia. #TeamNewEngland

    • Death

      Ye, those two are my last hopes.

  • Waynecro

    If nothing else, this contest is getting these bands a lot of listens. I must have listened to each band dozens of times before I voted in each round.

    • I don’t listen. I vote blindly. CHAOS REIGNS!

      • Waynecro

        No! You’ll break the system!

        • The system is bankrupt! Down with the System! Rise of the Machiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiines!!

          • Waynecro

            It’s cool, bruh. I did enough research for the both of us. The system has balanced itself out!

          • Nah, brah.
            .
            .
            .
            .
            .
            .
            Nah.

          • Waynecro

            I have no argument to counter that statement.

  • Sgt. Poopypanty’s Fartin Teeth
  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    No Witch Ripper? God is truly dead.

  • JJD Misses Witch Ripper

    If Arctic Sleep beats Destroy Judas I will be so sad. Please don’t let me become sad. Vote Destroy Judas because when I’m sad I cry, eat tons of food and I become a hot mess.