YOU Choose the Best Unsigned Band in the U.S.: The CHAMPIONSHIP

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Who will it be?

Today you are tasked with choosing the best unsigned band in the United States. Don’t fuck it up.

Last week, our number one seed, California’s Destroy Judas met their end at the hands of Maine’s Sylvia. Eternal Khan‘s run of victories had all the makings of a Cinderella story, but they were stopped dead in their tracks by the might of Michigan’s Blackgate. Which brings us, finally, to the championship match. After five rounds of brutal competition, we’re sorting this best band business out once and for all.

HOW IT WORKS:
Some people say that art isn’t a competition. Those people are losers. EVERYTHING is a competition. Here at the Toilet ov Hell, we’ve gone and declared the best unsigned band in each state of the union. Now we’re pitting these warriors against each other for the right to claim the ultimate prize: The title of Best of the Best. Which band will champion their state to glory? That’s up for you to decide.

Each state was seeded by population size. The 14 most-populous states received a first round bye. Today, the final two bands are battling it out for supremacy. Sylvia (ME), and Blackgate (MI). Voting for this round closes Sunday, October 4th at 5:00 PM CST.


Sylvia (Maine) VS. Blackgate (Michigan)

Sylvia – “Sylvia offer varying speeds and tempos, accelerating to enable thunderous drum beats replete with furious guitar riffs that crush souls… before abruptly taking a foot off the gas to pummel you into submission with lurching, sinister breakdowns.”

(Read the full writeup) (Facebook)

Blackgate – “How often do you get to use the phrase “powerthrash”? Well, at least once thanks to the dudes in Blackgate. They combine some truly gnarly thrash riffs, vocals that soar like the endangered early 90’s version of the American Bald Eagle, and some infectious choruses to great effect. If you don’t find yourself grooving along or whipping out your best falsetto, there’s a solid chance you’re probably dead inside.”
(Read the full writeup) (Facebook)

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 14-12-2014 20:22:33
end_date 04-10-2015 17:00:00
Poll Results:
Sylvia vs. Blackgate
    • JWEG
    • Lacertilian

      Where the title is placed kinda makes it look like they’re punching themselves in the face at first glance.
      As they damn well should too, both wearing red gloves to the same event. Idiots.

    • George Wiegand

      This was kind of a hard choice for me cause both bands are frickin awesome. Blackgate is more of what I like. With the clear, clean vocals and harmonies. Really good production everything sounds great. Really catchy riffs and melodies. Killer leads. They kinda remind me of Shadows Fall from Boston, MA. Keeping that 80’s metal feel and sound alive. But then I I’m from Portland, ME and personally know members of Sylvia. So if course I have to show local love and support cause they’d do the same for my own bands. And they also sound really good and are very talented. I wish both bands the best of luck and either way whoever wins was a good choice.

  • Óðinn
    • Aaaand I’m fired

      • We will hope that you still have that 1 year bottle of booze (?)!

    • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

      Those heaving bosoms are fucking rad.

      • JamesGrimm

        a tad low res for me.

        • Oh how we have becum spoiled.

      • Óðinn
        • Ever see Gillian Jacobs in Choke?

          • Óðinn

            No, but now I want to.

          • Yes you do.

            Honestly, just look up the scene on the Internets. That movie is not that great to be honest.

          • Óðinn

            Thanks will do.

        • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

          Alison Brie. Oh, you son of a bitch.

        • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

          God damn it. This ain’t titties!!!!! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Damn, I wish I could just sit here at work while I enjoy a pint…

    http://i.giphy.com/O0sd2SLiUiq8U.gif

    • EsusMoose

      I wish I could enjoy one while in class

    • I just wish I was beligerant drunk right now so I could mouth off to my stupidvisor err supervisor.

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        Poopervisor.

        • Nice! Great Job Bro!

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Come on now, boys. Take a knee. What did we all learn today?

        • If it there were no consequences I would spin kick her into the next cube for wasting my time with petty crap.

    • Super Nintendo Chalmers

      Not kvlt enough for Tyree.

      • Nothing at all to do with being kvlt. These bands are just not my taste is all.

  • A God damn power metal band is going to win this… which is maxlolbuttz/11.

    GL

    • Shrimp in a Pizza Box

      Masterlord probably rigged the votes.

  • I’m very impressed that Blackgate reached the final. It’s my first time I vote for something that’s winning.

    I’m texting Mom Leonhart to tell her that democracy works now for me.

    http://www.correodelorinoco.gob.ve/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/chavezcandanga-2.jpeg

  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

    A Michigan band might win this? Shocker.

    • EsusMoose

      Is that because everyone in Michigan has nothing else to do than to vote for Michigan related things?

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        Nope. It’s because of all the killer breweries and bands……

        • EsusMoose

          And the desolate remains of industry long dead as inspiration

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            What’s wrong with that? Desolation is metal as fuck.

          • EsusMoose

            That was a positive thing. I realize now that starting the sentence with ‘And’ was a terrible choice with getting my meaning across

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            No harm, no foul.

          • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

            Desolation are alright. Not really a KSoFM-type of band, but more of a progressive death metal band heavily influenced by Cult of Luna. The bass player is damned good, a bit djenty at times but not obnoxiously so.

            https://youtu.be/gTYRWIeL5Kk

          • That album art is killer!

          • riffs! solos! thanks mr. nipple

          • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

            No probs. I haven’t actually heard much of this Desolation band, their new album just popped in my head when I read KSoFM’s comment.

        • All them optimistic words are making you sound like a lifelover, buddy.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Nope, just cunting gloating.

          • Tomato potato!

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Cunts for punts!

          • Fire ants in your pants!

        • Just keeping it Lucifer and Liqueur.

  • JJD Misses Witch Ripper

    No Destroy Judas? If a power metal band wins this I will cry really hard.

    • EsusMoose

      Well they took out Arctic Sleep so fuck’em

      • JJD Misses Witch Ripper

        Exactly.

    • I thought you liked power metal.

      You, my friend, are a mystery.

      • Mysteries >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i22qwMAJGqQ

        • Stockhausen

          I love lofi/filthy crap, but this one isn’t my cup of tea. Plus it looks like he’s having a hearty chuckle.

          • I like it cuz it looks like a lil gumby man

          • Stockhausen

            “OH HO HO HO HO, I SURE DO BEND.”

          • Your adroit attention to detail is second to none.

            GL

          • Stockhausen

            Excellent use of adroit. Also, I think you mean my annoying garbage thoughts.

          • Let the power of the “duts” encase your senses….

          • Stockhausen

            Someone in the toilet is talking about duts. My worlds are colliding hard right now.
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXeFayeAjdk

          • Maybe you didn’t know, but I was in the drumline in HS. I was all over though… bass drum, snare, quads, then snare again!

          • Stockhausen

            Oh yeah! I think I did know that, but forgot it because that’s what I do. I’m going to start dutting a lot more often now that I remember. I did a year on 5th bass then moved to quads, and then did quads throughout my DCI/WGI years (I’m playing quads in that video I posted).

          • Nice. You guys are burning in that video!

            Are you teaching any for WGI?

          • Stockhausen

            Nah, I did for a couple years though (I think I remember you mentioning being around Dayton during championships?). I eventually had to step back from the DCI/WGI scene and put my priorities somewhere else. I’ve known a lot of guys that get into teaching DCI, teaching marching band, then teaching WGI, and it’s just the marching activity ALL. YEAR. LONG. I teach marching band intensively through the fall since I’m a band director, and then balance myself out with percussion ensemble/concert band after it’s over. My mental health is much better for it.

          • Gotcha. I didn’t realize you were a full fledged band director. I just assumed you were a percussion director (for marching band only). Sweetness man!

          • Stockhausen

            My official title is percussion director, but it’s a full-time position in the school district. I do a lot of work with the marching band as a whole in addition to the pit and battery, then transition to percussion ensemble when marching band is over. Most of my day is actually at the middle school though, teaching 6-8 grade percussion classes and 6th grade flute.

          • Ok, the district must be big enough for that then. I was unaware there were such titles/positions. Our HS has about ~45 students/grade. So the percussion people always bailed post marching season. Sounds like a diverse gig man!

          • Stockhausen

            Yeah, most schools have a hired-on position that ends after marching season. I’m really lucky to be in a district that has a full-time percussion position.

          • Marching snares are metal as fuck.

          • Stockhausen

            Straight up, yo. This is one of my favorite drumlines, these guys were so intense live. They didn’t play the hardest stuff, but man it is CLEAN.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fOed8iXjWTs

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Cool, but the uniforms are lolbuttz

          • Needs more spikes, bullet belts, leather, and Satan.

          • Stockhausen

            Well, they’re not wearing their jackets or hats.

          • Guacamole Jim

            Whoa

          • I like it. I don’t expect others to like it.

          • Stockhausen

            Leif Bearikson is all about this one. I honestly dig the overall vibe of it, but something doesn’t really click for me with the vocals/background howling. I like it initially but an album’s worth of it loses me.

          • The howling vocals are what make it for me. Whatever, I have shit taste.

          • Stockhausen

            This topic has caused me to pull up Paysage d’Hiver in another tab. None of us can hide from our terrible opinions.

        • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

          Not a fan at all, but I play Summoning The Night every now and then. Keep forgetting to check this one out.

          • Good, I enjoy that so many of you hate it. Most excellent.

        • This one is not on CD as far as I can tell. Darn everything straight to heck.

          • I think you are right. I have it on vinyl. I do have A Corpse, a Temple on CD though.

          • I have the other two. Need Mysteries but this house is a NO VINYL ZONE.

  • Mvthvr Shvbvbv 8

    Welp, looks like I’m moving to Canada. Thanks Obama!

  • Fact: One of these two bands will win.

    • Kinda hope they tie now.

      • JamesGrimm

        lol

      • Fuck, we’ll have to do this all over again.

        • Shrimp in a Pizza Box

          Or we could just all agree that Bereave wins.

      • DowneastDoomer

        A live showing perhaps, to decide the winner.

  • Maik Beninton™

    One last vote, for all of the rustled jimmies in this bracket, for all flame wars on the comment section, one last vote.

  • JamesGrimm

    we need a version of this for other countries.

    • Coming soon: THE BEST UNSIGNED BAND IN EURASIA

      • JamesGrimm

        woo.

      • EsusMoose

        ARE YOU READY FOR THREE YEARS OF PRESENTING AND VOTING!?!?!?!?!

      • Stockhausen

        We have always been voting on Eastasia.

      • CyberneticOrganism

        THE BEST UNSIGNED BAND IN NORWAY

        j/k every Nordic country band is signed

        • Based Pingu

          I don’t think Beargod’s NSBM band is signed.

  • J.R.™

    Destroy Judas is >>> there’s some kind of funny business going on here.

    • there was a bit of funny bizness going on. some of it might have been bands urging their fans to vote from social media. and if that was the case, did each fan actually listen to each of the nominations, or just vote his/her favorite? yes, i know mind = blown

      • Basically, Peasant lost and everyone can go to hell.

        • Shrimp in a Pizza Box

          Yee-haw!

      • EsusMoose

        yes that is exactly what happened. The joke here is that I know you’re probably being sarcastic but by agreeing I’m acting as if I think you’re being serious, aren’t I funny, no I’m not I’m still bitter Arctic Sleep lost to fucking Destroy Judas.

      • J.R.™

        I think the Toilet Tournament Triumvirate are taking bribes to ensure success. It’s the only explanation

        • Vote for Jeb

          Joe keeps telling me the check is in the mail.

    • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

      Indeed it was funny business (I blame rigged votes, that’s a W) that Destroy Judas got half as far as it did.

      • Vote for Jeb

        I don’t think I voted for them at all.

  • Based Pingu

    I was afraid that both Sylvia and Eternal Khan will make it. Would’ve made voting dimmadarn hard. Now it’s easy.
    #SylviaMasterRace

    • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

      If the penguin liked it, we all know it shouldnt win

      • Based Pingu

        I hate you so much.

        • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

          Teach me how to waddle

      • KJM, Doom Hunter General

        But I’m rooting for Sylvia too…

        • I think you mean “nooting”. I may be wrong.

          • KJM, Doom Hunter General

            That works.

        • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

          Oh how the mighty have fallen.

          • KJM, Doom Hunter General

            I’m just voting out of regional pride.

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            They beat my lovelies, The Seduction

    • KJM, Doom Hunter General

      #TeamSylvia #TeamNewEngland

    • Guacamole Jim

      I went with Sylvia. They weren’t my first choice, but they’re SO MUCH BETTER than fucking power metal.

  • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

    BLACKGATE

    SLAY THE FALSE

    • Boss the Ross

      Posers leave the hall!

      • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

        Poseurs exiled from the keep.

        • Boss the Ross

          How eloquent of you.

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            Ive been called worse

    • tigeraid

      Power metal will win the day. RAISE A TANKARD WITH ME, BROTHERS!

  • Vote for Jeb

    Joseph forgive me, I have cast my vote upon the Blackened Gate.

  • JWEG

    This is tough. In the end I voted for Blackgate.
    Not just because I can’t find any ‘Sylvia’ gifs that suit my interest, but there’s that too…

    http://media.giphy.com/media/itsu72aVfZOEw/giphy.gif

  • i see Grethor didn’t win a single match. my dick has been thoroughly crushed, but the soul still burns

  • Hubert

    I think that Blackgate is going to win this, and I have no problem with that.

    • Boss the Ross

      They’re so killer, those riffs, pummeling, that voice, soaring. All is well with Blackgate.

  • Óðinn
  • JWEG

    Side note: early entrant in the very-late-2016 ‘Best Band in Canada’ contest to rep B.C.: Nylithia. Debut full (digital) LP preorders just went up for November 21 release.

    http://nylithia.bandcamp.com/

    Relevance: I could totally see them playing gigs with Blackgate…

    • Vote for Jeb

      They’ve been working on that stupid debut for years.

    • EsusMoose

      Canada isn’t even real

      • JWEG

        We’re not Finland.

        We’re the Denmark of North America, and vice versa.

        • Based Pingu

          Denmark of North America? Well shit, Canada fucking sucks.

          • Óðinn

            No need for swearing, Pingu. But yes, Canada has many problems. For example, Canada’s governing party is very right-wing. A lot of Canada’s Conservative government policies are rooted in the same dangerous Neo-conservative, Neoliberal, and Christian philosophies that have been popular in the United States.

            http://thetyee.ca/Mediacheck/2005/11/29/HarperBush/

          • Based Pingu

            No, it’s just that I hate Denmark above everything.

          • Óðinn

            Ah, I see. Well we all have things we don’t like. Is there a rivalry between Finland and Denmark, or just a personal preference?

          • Based Pingu

            There is more of a rivalry between Finland and Sweden. My hate for Denmark is personal.

          • Óðinn

            Fair enough.

          • KJM, Doom Hunter General

            There’s always a need for swearing, my friend.

        • EsusMoose

          There’s a reason why bear god is a bear god.

      • CyberneticOrganism
  • Phoenix of the House Tendies

    ETERNAL KHAN WAS ROBBED!!! I DEMAND A RECOUNT!!!

    • Phoenix of the House Tendies

      I’m voting for Blackgate by the way. Natch.

      • CyberneticOrganism

        You forgot to say “Simon says”

  • Dawn broke that morning on the porcelain heights, but the sun did not shine on the Defenders of the Light. Out of the west and out of the north came the armies of Darkness, to win this one last battle and cast a Shadow across the earth; to usher in an Age where the wails of suffering would go unheard.

    STAND TALL WARRIORS, VOTE FOR BLACKGATE SO THAT THE SHADOW MAY BE AVERTED ONCE AND FOR ALL

  • Waynecro

    I could not have foreseen this outcome. And I voted so hard, too. Shame.

  • KJM, Doom Hunter General

    We at #TeamSylvia shall fight to the last!

    And by “fight to the last”, I really mean “chill and smoke some Fire Haze while I wait to see Ghost/Purson at HoB tonight”.

    • Based Pingu

      I can fight. I have a knife in my right pocket. It’s itching to stab someone.

      • KJM, Doom Hunter General

        I will leave it up to you until i return.

        • Based Pingu

          Yes!

      • I love the power you have to grab interesting and cute animals and still be a sadistic stabber <3 Never change, beib.

    • have fun at the Ghost show, SO MUCH fun live (however you probably know this, i imagine you’ve seen ’em before)

      • KJM, Doom Hunter General

        This will be my 4th time seeing Ghost, 1st time seeing Purson(after a 3 year wait).

        BTW, How’s your tummy ; )

        • i’ll be seeing that same show on Tuesday, i’d better do my homework on Purson! send me an e-mail duder cyrollan[at]gmail[dot]com

          • KJM, Doom Hunter General

            Email sent!

            If you like 70s style psych-rock, they’ll be right up your alley. Rosie Cunningham is also quite easy on the eyes.

  • CyberneticOrganism

    Blackgate brings the riffs, but vocals almost ruin it for me.

    ┼ ┼ ┼ SYLVIA ALL THE FUCKING WAY ┼ ┼ ┼

    • KJM, Doom Hunter General

      Agreed on both points. In almost any other matchup, I’d go with Black Gate, but not this time.

  • Eenie meanie miney mo. Catch a penguin by the–

    –oh fuck it I vote Sylvia.

    • Based Pingu

      You’ve done a great thing, my son.

  • OldMetalHead

    Both of these bands are solid but for totally different reasons. Really, I could just flip a coin.

  • One day, when I finally make Parapraxis into a real band, I hope to end up on one of these brackets.

    Or if Deathstate ever records a full length.

    • Vote for Jeb

      Ey, you changed your name.

  • If the vocals in Sylvia replaced the vocals in Blackgate, they’d have my vote.

    • Dagon

      That would sound fucking awesome.

  • Nine Inch Males

    Blackgate making it this far has given me unprecedented motivation to vote in future primaries and midterm elections.

  • KJM, Doom Hunter General

    Even cheap 7-11 burritos taste great after a good show.

  • KJM, Doom Hunter General

    I met Rosie from Purson! She’s so tiny!

    http://www.dprp.net/wp/interviews/files/2013/08/ROSIE-1.jpg

  • StrangeOneClearcut

    Sylvia !

  • Adam Turner

    Sylvia puts out great records, but it’s their live shows that are absolutely soul scrapingly phenomenal. I’m sure Blackgate is good if you like that genre, but when I’m facing down the hordes, Sylvia is the soundtrack of victory.