YOU Choose the Best Unsigned Band in the U.S: Round 2 pt. 2

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The second round continues with even more sexy state action. Today: New Jersey vs. Vermont! Missouri vs. Florida! Texas vs. Rhode Island! Oregon vs. Utah! Pennsylvania vs. Nevada!

Some people say that art isn’t a competition. Those people are losers. EVERYTHING is a competition. Here at the Toilet ov Hell, we’ve gone and declared the best unsigned band in each state of the union. Now we’re pitting these warriors against each other for the right to claim the ultimate prize: The title of Best of the Best. Which band will champion their state to glory? That’s up for you to decide.

HOW IT WORKS:
Each state was seeded by population size. The 14 most-populous states received a first round bye. Voting for this round closes Sunday, September 6th. Today, 12 bands are battling it out for supremacy. Black Table (NJ), Vaporizer (VT), Existem (MO), Capracide (FL), Peasant (TX), Eternal Khan(RI), Drouth (OR), Disphoria (UT), Burden (PA), and Elephant Rifle (NV).

bracket2


Black Table (New Jersey) VS. Vaporizer (Vermont)

Black Table – “The musicianship, while admirable, never overshadows the ebb and flow of the music itself; moments of intensity give way to passages of beauty, only to once again thrust the listener into the maelstrom of sonic chaos. This chaos, however, never leaves the listener feeling jarred or disgruntled. It retains a soulful melody, often flirting with major keys and softer tonality unusual in such music; a testament to the maturity of the band as a songwriting unit.”
(Read the full writeup) (Facebook)

 

Vaporizer – “Hailing from Burlington, VT, Vaporizer is a metal band comprised of several of my children. Don’t believe me? It says so on their DNA test Facebook page. When I say “metal”, I do it mostly out of my inability to categorize them any further. While the core element of Vaporizer’s sound bears a much welcome resemblance to the progressive sludge bands from Savannah, Georgia, there is enough seasoning here to turn their self-titled release into an unique platter.”
(Read the full writeup) (Facebook)

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 14-12-2014 20:22:33
end_date 06-09-2015 17:00:00
Poll Results:
Black Table vs. Vaporizer

Existem (MO) VS. Capracide (FL)

Existem – “In my opinion the best so-called prog bands are ones that don’t go fully prog. Think Opeth in their heyday, Burst, Cult of Luna, Extol, and so forth. Existem are very much in the vein of these bands. They create prog metal that isn’t afraid to veer off the beaten path but exists within the confine of a song. The material here is not an overblown jam session like so many bands are guilty of recording.”
(Read the full writeup) (Facebook)

Capracide – “Capracide is a 4 piece death metal band hailing and killing from Jacksonville, and upon first listen, their influences are obvious to anyone who understands the importance of Florida in the Death Metal scene. Take a little Obituary and jam it in a blender with Morbid Angel and Deicide and you have a rough idea of the metallic sex Capracide is lobbing at your earholes. I mean, just listen to this!”
(Read the full writeup)(Facebook)

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 14-12-2014 20:22:33
end_date 06-09-2015 17:00:00
Poll Results:
Existem vs. Capracide

Peasant (Texas) VS. Eternal Khan (Rhode Island)

Peasant – “From the second you click play on “Do You Believe in War?” the opening song on Go to Hell, the latest full-length from this Houston trio, it’s obvious that the New Wave of British Heavy Metal swam it’s way to the third coast. Along the way it picked up some disgusting oily blackness and additional detritus from thrash and OSDM before crashing on the City of Syrup’s shore.”
(Read the full writeup) (Facebook)

Eternal Khan – “This trio brings the consuming inevitably of doom and mix it with a heaping dose of ethereal black metal. T. Phrathep’s guitar rings with the type of tremolo soaked misery that conjures the heralding of legions of plague stricken malcontents shambling towards an unsuspecting village to ravage it to nothing. Bassist Nate Woods reigns as one of my favorite current vocalists in metal with a distinctive, articulate but still savage bark.”
(Read the full writeup) (Facebook)

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 14-12-2014 20:22:33
end_date 06-09-2015 17:00:00
Poll Results:
Peasant vs. Eternal Khan

Drouth (Oregon) VS. Disforia (Utah)

Drouth – “I would have never thought Drouth was an unsigned band had I listened to them by chance. These guys write music like they’ve been together for decades, with undeniable chemistry and character. It seems like they take the best elements of my favorite metal bands and combine them into their own blend of groovy, melodic black metal that includes searing guitar leads and absolutely horrendous shrieked vocals. Oh, the drumming is also out of this world.”
(Read the full writeup) (Facebook)

Disforia – “Power metal is always cheesy, but this is no Kraft Single slice of cheese. This is a fine Gruyere, with fragrant aromas and depth of character. Shit’s nice.”
(Read the full writeup) (Facebook)

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 14-12-2014 20:22:33
end_date 06-09-2015 17:00:00
Poll Results:
Drouth vs. Disforia

Burden (Pennsylvania) VS. Elephant Rifle (Nevada)

Burden – “Burden play an acoustic-laced brand of slow-cooked black/death metal that is reminiscent of a much doomier and more dissonant My Arms-era Opeth, albeit with a bit more variety. The vocals play a major role in this, sometimes changing between more high-pitched screams, borderline quasi-Devin Townsend-esque hardcore shouts and deep, bellowing growls.”
(Read the full writeup) (Facebook)

Elephant Rifle – “It’s noise rock, but it’s noise rock that sleeps on top of a debris heap consisting of god-knows-what in the back of a shitty van, showers in shitty beer, dries off with the one shitty shirt it owns/never puts on, then blowdries its gross hair in front of the exhaust pipe. It’s hardcore, but it’s hardcore that eats roadkill for breakfast. You dig? I dig.”
(Read the full writeup) (Facebook)

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 14-12-2014 20:22:33
end_date 06-09-2015 17:00:00
Poll Results:
Burden vs. Elephant Rifle
  • Vote for Jeb
    • I am black the table

      • Vote for Jeb

        The Table Black I Am

        • Mother Shabubu 8

          I AM THE TABLE! I AM THE ROOT! I AM ALL THIS! I AM THE TABLE! I AM THE PROGRESS! I AM THE TABLE! I AM THE AGGRESSOR! I AM THE TABLE!!!! I AMMM!!! I AMMM!! I AAAAMMMMMM!! I AAAAAAAAAMMMUUUH!!!

          • Vote for Jeb

            A wolf in human shape?

          • Mother Shabubu 8
          • Vote for Jeb

            I’ve actually never listened to Lulu. I miiiiiight have heard this song when it first came out, but never bothered with the entire thing.

          • KJM

            It sounds like Abe Simpson doing a poetry slam over discarded Metallica riffs.

          • Óðinn
          • CyberneticOrganism

            They didn’t have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones.

          • Óðinn

            Good point.

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            It is truly the “In The Hall of Alastalo” of music.

          • Never listened to this Lulu stuff.

            Only listening this 18 seconds was too much of table madness for me.

          • Mother Shabubu 8

            The Madness of Tables is the most compelling and strongest form of madnesses

    • Stockhausen

      “Would you be so kind as to go quite gently? For this is my afternoon tea hand, and I musn’t bruise it before today’s sipping, I do say.”

  • Mother Shabubu 8

    Black James Hetfield is a band name?

    ALSO; Real talk: holy fuck is Existem good and promising. If you had Jens Bogren produce that song, they would be getting real hype. The vocalist reminds me of Tommy Rogers from BTBAM. I can see them being on a bill with The Ocean, or a similar band.

    • Existem is one of the bands that I liked it most in this contest. Cool style.

      • Mother Shabubu 8

        Of all the bands in this contest, ones that aren’t meant to be low-fi or grimy in sound (like Reproacher, Bummer, Bereave, etc), this band sounds the most groomed and ready to be in the big leagues.

    • I’m friends with some of the dudes in Existem IRL, they’re pretty cool guys, and they can play the fucking hell out of their instruments. Great live show.

      • Vote for Jeb

        You ever touch butts?

        • ass2ass is my normal greeting, so yes.

          • Dagon

            Buttsmooch

          • Hubert

            Only posers shake hands.

          • Vote for Jeb

            The butt five is how you can identify another toileter in the wild.

          • Mother Shabubu 8

            Shake each others’ prostates

  • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

    Huh, I don’t remember Peasant. Shit goes hard though. Sure, I’ll stab them.

    http://i.giphy.com/5RP4ORQyXUFG.gif

    • PEASANT’S POST WAS THE BEST WRITING I’VE EVER DONE FOR THIS SITE : (

      • 🙁 and I voted for Ethernal Khan, s-sorry!

      • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

        Jesus dude, get a grip. I read it again alright. Jeeeez! Go fly a fucking kite.

        • Vote for Jeb
          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            God damn is this an erotic gif.

          • Vote for Jeb

            I haven’t been able to take my eyes off it.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Good man.

          • Vote for Jeb
          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Ok, now that’s just adorable.

          • KJM

            That cat’s been pinching from my stash, probably the dog too.

          • Vote for Jeb

            In reality, it’s probably actually trying to milk the dog. Cats sometimes do that on mama cats’ nipples to bring the milk to the surface.

          • KJM

            Oh, I know. They do that to people too.

          • Vote for Jeb

            I’ve never had a cat try to milk me, but I’ll try anything once.

          • KJM

            They also do that to “tenderize” the part of the bed they’re about to sleep on.

          • Dagon

            Anything?

          • Hubert

            Anything

          • Dagon

            Call me.

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            I’d milk you.

          • Stockhausen

            I have nipples Greg. Can you milk me?

          • Hubert

            My cat does that all the time. 3adorable5me

          • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

            So, I guess the owners decided to just stop painting their porch. Good enough!

          • KJM

            They must hang out with my landlord, owns 2 houses worth about 875K each and can’t be bothered to keep them looking nice.

          • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

            Grey Gardens comes to mind.

          • KJM

            Nowhere near that desolate fortunately. The houses are only worth that much because we’re in a trendy neighborhood.

          • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

            Haha, understandable. I just have Grey Gardens in mind because I recently watched the recent episode of Documentary Now with Fred Armisen and Bill Hader. They did an episode on Grey Gardens which was brilliant. Check that show out if you have not already.

          • Stockhausen

            Ooh I want to watch that. Those humans are funny humans.

          • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

            Yes, highly recommended.

    • CT-12

      Dude, have you ever seen this movie? I saw it quite a few years ago, but remember really liking it. Need to just buy this already since I can’t seem to find it at any rental places. (if anybody is curious, this gif is taken from the movie “Eyes Without a Face” aka “Les Yeux Sans Visage”)

      • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

        Yeah dude! Once of my favorite movies. So chilling! Criterion has it for sale I know.

  • #TeamDisforia.

    Bring all those Ruffles and Doritos! We are going to unleash the fury in this contest!

    https://descicloblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/metal_nerd_band.jpg

    • Vote for Jeb
      • ReLIEgion.

        /slain.

        • KJM

          I don’t have a locker big enough for this guy.

      • Mother Shabubu 8

        Is this a real thing, or was it just a picture and some sarcastic dude made the whole Captain Logic caption thing? Please say it’s that and that it isn’t real…

        • Vote for Jeb

          I’m pretty sure the text was added on by 4chan.

          • Mother Shabubu 8

            Thank the mighty fuck.

        • Sir Tapir The Based :]

          If I’m not mistaken, that guy is Boogie2988.

          • You are correct, that is his character Francis, a typical angry internet neckbeard. Keep in mind, a character, not him.

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            Your mom’s a character.

    • KJM

      The lockers are right this way…

      The dude with the Sabbath shirt can go over there by the bong though.

      • The guy in the left is neutral. Leave him out of this, I think!

        • KJM

          He looks like he probably listens to the music, but doesn’t want to commit fully to the look because his pals on the Track Squad will laugh and call him a f*g.

        • Looks like a Creed fan

    • Mother Shabubu 8

      Moar liek unleash the FURRY in this contest. Look at these dweebs.

      • CyberneticOrganism

        Let’s not pretend that we didn’t all look like this, at least a little bit, at some point in our metal fandom.

        • Mother Shabubu 8

          I’ve never been into power metal though. Or had hair that long.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Me either, but the giant-band-shirt-hanging-off-a-scrawny-kid look is a universal experience.

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            In my defense, I never was that scrawny. And totally never looked like the guy on the right, never.

  • Vote for Jeb

    A vote for Drouth is a vote for truth.

  • Peasant vs Eternal Khan? God dammit, dude.

  • Elephant Rifle is my favorite out of this bunch but they are no match for Bereave.

  • Hubert

    My votes for today:
    Vaporizer, Existem, Eternal Khan, Drouth and Elephant Rifle.
    Not having lot’s of trouble with these picks, I usually know what I dig the most.

    • Vote for Jeb

      Yah, voting has been pretty easy for me too.

  • RustyShackleford

    Been too busy lately; I clearly missed out on Disforia. Downloading them ASAP.

  • #TeamDisforia or be slain like the poser you are

    • Dagon

      LOL

    • Sir Tapir The Based :]

      Disliked

    • Vote for Jeb

      If you’re a toothless coward you’ll vote for Drouth-less power.

    • JJM

      not their fault for being pitted against the almighty Drouth

  • Stockhausen

    Drouth, Drouth, the magical band
    The more you listen, the more you listen to that band.

    • Dagon
      • Hubert

        🙁

      • Stockhausen

        I’m not even going to think about listening to this.

        • I agree, a name that corny likely has terrible music to go along with it.

      • This track rules except for Lil Wayne’s weak ass verse.

        • Dagon

          Lil Wayne fell. I can’t stand him anymore and i used to like some of his verses.

          • Culinary Cunilengus

            It’s been downhill ever since his emo CD.

      • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

        I remember these songs. I liek these songs.

  • HessianHunter

    Holy hell is Peasant a sweet band. Obvi I’m all about that Elephant Rifle too.

    • HessianHunter

      Ugh but Burden is also so tight. This is harrrrrd

  • Pagliacci is Kvlt

    I voted for Burden because: yay team PA, and fuck Elephant Rifle for taking out Blizzard at Sea.

  • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

    The hecking wat? How’d Withering Might Ever Smite TOAD? Invalid! Does Compute Not!

    • If TOAD wanted to win maybe they would have asked their fans to vote. But they didn’t, so I assume they just acquiesced to how good Withering Light is.

      • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

        I’m going to write them a letter containing angry words, like “Bah!” and “Humbug!”

  • JWEG

    This was not as easy as I had first thought it would be.

    Plus, I miscounted so I didn’t realize there would be a Round 2 Part 3 in which the bands I’m most interested in for this contest are all located (other than Drouth, here, anyway).

  • Waynecro

    The responsibility of voting for the proper candidate is crushing.

    • Culinary Cunilengus

      Definitely went with Disforia, because power metal.