YOU Choose the Best Unsigned Band in the U.S: Round 1 pt. 3

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Who will it be?

The first round concludes here: Mississippi vs. Maine! South Carolina vs. Vermont! North Dakota vs. Missouri! Arkansas vs. Wyoming! Louisiana vs. Arizona! South Dakota vs. Tennessee!

Some people say that art isn’t a competition. Those people are losers. EVERYTHING is a competition. Here at the Toilet ov Hell, we’ve gone and declared the best unsigned band in each state of the union. Now we’re pitting these warriors against each other for the right to claim the ultimate prize: The title of Best of the Best. Which band will champion their state to glory? That’s up for you to decide.

HOW IT WORKS:
Each state was seeded by population size. The 14 most-populous states received a first round bye. Voting closes August 30th. Today, 12 bands are battling it out for supremacy. Jared Moran (MS), Sylvia (ME), Solaire (SC), Vaporizer (VT), Gorgatron (ND), Existem (MO), Torii (AR), Reproacher (WY), Withering Light (LA), Take Over And Destroy (AZ), The Shittiest State in the Union (SD), and Forest of Tygers (TN). You can still vote for Part 1 and Part 2, respectively, here and here.


Jared Moran – Yzordderrex/Uzumaki (Mississippi) VS. Sylvia (Maine)

Jared Moran  – “Uzumaki’s third album, Knowledge of a Language One Has Never Learned, is a massive,Ævangelist-esque wall of twisting, coalescing riffs that in turn grind away like Insect Warfare, churn at an Incantation-esque crawl or skronk like Gorguts. If you’re not into it you’re not my friend, for realzies.”
(Read the full writeup)

Sylvia – “A four-piece blackened-sludge outfit, Sylvia showed me the error of my ways- why hadn’t I indulged in the excellent Southern Maine metal community sooner?! Sylvia offer varying speeds and tempos, accelerating to enable thunderous drum beats replete with furious guitar riffs that crush souls… before abruptly taking a foot off the gas to pummel you into submission with lurching, sinister breakdowns.”
(Read the full writeup) (Facebook)

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 14-12-2014 20:22:33
end_date 30-08-2015 20:00:00
Poll Results:
Jared Moran vs. Sylvia

Solaire (South Carolina) VS. Vaporizer (Vermont)

Solaire- “Hailing from the small college town of Clemson, we’ve got three young men that really grok what heavy rock n’ roll is all about: sweet riffs that would go great with fast cars and/or drugs and/or intense isolation. At times, Solaire recall the bluesy decadence of Deliverance-era Corrosion of Conformity. Elsewhere, the band pumps out pretty melodies that wouldn’t sound out of place on an ancient Smashing Pumpkins record.”
(Read the full writeup) (Facebook)

Vaporizer – “Hailing from Burlington, VT, Vaporizer is a metal band comprised of several of my children. Don’t believe me? It says so on their DNA test Facebook page. When I say “metal”, I do it mostly out of my inability to categorize them any further. While the core element of Vaporizer’s sound bears a much welcome resemblance to the progressive sludge bands from Savannah, Georgia, there is enough seasoning here to turn their self-titled release into an unique platter.”
(Read the full writeup) (Facebook)

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 14-12-2014 20:22:33
end_date 30-08-2015 20:00:00
Poll Results:
Solaire vs. Vaporizer

Gorgatron (North Dakota) VS. Existem (Missouri)

Gorgatron – “Gorgatron is hella-fucking-balls-to-the-wall-awesome. They aren’t breaking any boundaries, they aren’t pushing any envelopes, they aren’t changing any paradigms. What they are doing is producing quality death metal with a dash of grind to keep things interesting. Do you want blasts? Chromatic riffing? Br0074l vocals? Then get your ass in here and listen.”
(Read the full writeup) (Facebook)

Existem – “In my opinion the best so-called prog bands are ones that don’t go fully prog. Think Opeth in their heyday, Burst, Cult of Luna, Extol, and so forth. Existem are very much in the vein of these bands. They create prog metal that isn’t afraid to veer off the beaten path but exists within the confine of a song. The material here is not an overblown jam session like so many bands are guilty of recording.”
(Read the full writeup) (Facebook)

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 14-12-2014 20:22:33
end_date 30-08-2015 20:00:00
Poll Results:
Gorgatron vs. Existem

Torii (Arkansas) VS. Reproacher (Wyoming)

Torii – “Hailing from Rogers, Arkansas, Torii originally started out as an instrumental project by Bill Masino but has since added the vocals of Eric May to the mix, and boy does he deliver. May unleashes a swampy, throaty warble that sounds like Swamp Thing had decided to front Emperor. The music itself ain’t exactly a slouch, either. Imagine Neurosis filtered through some 90’s black metal and then sautéed in a little bit of death and you’re on the right track.”
(Read the full writeup) (Facebook)

Reproacher – “Combining the crusty hardcore of Cursed with Primitive Man‘s doominess, Reproacher are a fierce beast from an unexpected realm. Their music is corrosive enough to destroy sewage pipes that will leak and contaminate entire cities with their filth.”
(Read the full writeup) (Facebook)

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 14-12-2014 20:22:33
end_date 30-08-2015 20:00:00
Poll Results:
Torii vs. Reproacher

Withering Light (Louisiana) VS. Take Over And Destroy (Arizona)

Withering Light – “I highly recommend throwing on some decent headphones or your speaker system for this release. Withering Light have a melodic sensibility that most bands simply cannot reach. The guitar lines sparkle and shine like the reflection of a lighthouse on an oil spill. Within these blasts and screams there is catharsis. Listen to “Lantern” and find yourself in the dark.”
(Read the full writeup) (Facebook)

Take Over And Destroy – “Most bands can’t do one thing well enough for me to give a damn about them. TOAD is able to shift between styles and genres seemlessly. One moment you can expect shaky melodies and ripping solos, followed by gargled glass shouts and sludge. This band is a rarity.”
(Read the full writeup) (Facebook)

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 14-12-2014 20:22:33
end_date 30-08-2015 20:00:00
Poll Results:
Withering Light vs. Take Over And Destroy

Jelly Nutz Justoner (South Dakota) VS. Forest of Tygers (Tennessee)

Jelly Nutz Justoner – “Sweet mother of a shitting ass. God fucking dammit.”
(Read the full writeup)

Forest of Tygers – “For the voting committee, Forest of Tygers separated themselves from the pack with just how ferocious they are. They embrace a sparse, slightly lo-fi sound whose aesthetics border upon raw black metal, so you can’t help but hear every string pluck and drum thwap. There is nowhere to hide for either the performer or listener, so intimacy is inevitable. Forest of Tygers takes advantage of this intimacy to grapple with the listener, dragging us ever deeper into their world of shredding, blackened hardcore.”
(Read the full writeup)(Facebook)

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 14-12-2014 20:22:33
end_date 30-08-2015 20:00:00
Poll Results:
Jelly Nutz Justoner vs. Forest of Tygers
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  • Vote for Jeb

    I voted for Faygo Cola Man just to mess with Joe. Just kidding. Or am I?

  • In b4, “BUMMER”, #TeamBEAVER, circle jerk

    • Vote for Jeb

      I think that jerking is totally acceptable on these threads. Encouraged, even. Jerk away, jerks!

      • oh… ok… that’s a bummer.

    • Mother Shabubu 4

      I WANT TO BEREAVE
      #TeamBereave

  • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

    Jared Moran = Filth

    That fucker is unstoppable. Not sure how that guy has enough time to do all of the shit he does. He is involved in 27 projects; yup 27 projects according to Metal Archives with names such as Eats Aids, Filtheater, Mountain of Beard, Old Woman with No Teeth, Vomit Wolves, and so on. His Yzordderrex project is probably my favorite though.

    If you want filth, Jared Moran delivers.

    • Christian’s interview with him was rad. Dude has so much fly gear.

      • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

        He builds guitar cabinets if I remember correctly. Like I said, not sure how he finds the time for all of the shit he does. Very impressive.

        • Vote for Jeb

          Perhaps he’s on the Da Vinci sleep cycle.

        • Herr Schmitty

          It’s a cool trick; he does it by living in Mississippi, where he does not desire to interact with any human beings in a 150 mile radius. Eliminating human interaction really frees up a ton of time!

          • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

            You make a very good point Schmitty.

          • KJM

            Didja see the Moon Rocks pic I posted on the previous thread? I want 2 jars for Christmas.

          • Herr Schmitty

            I did not, but I gotta go find that!

            I just managed to re-up two weeks ago at one of our local fests, it was fantastic. One of the few benefits to there being, y’know, people.

          • KJM
          • Herr Schmitty

            Is that… is that a fucking rock made of keif, hash oil and herbs? What the fuuuuuuuuuuuuck I gotta try me some of that! Looks like a great topper for some fresh buds.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Fucking humans, always fucking shit up.

    • He should win this round based or work ethic alone.

    • Howard Dean

      Dude is also one of the most prolific users on the metal-archives forums. Dude has like 15’000 comments (his alias is “ShaolinLambKiller”).

      He must have the best time management skills on the planet.

    • Stockhausen

      Seriously. Just when I get caught up with a new album, he releases 18 more. Yzordderrex rules hard.

  • Torii is slamming. Ohmywow

  • KJM

    PEACH BLUNTZ 4 LYFE!!

    • “I molest Collies” lol

  • Mother Shabubu 4

    The amount of sludge/stoner in this country is too damn high!

    http://s3.amazonaws.com/rapgenius/tumblr_lq98myTmBo1qcnum8.jpg

  • While I have my hands full being the captain of Team Bereave, I will also be lending my propagandist skills to head up the Team Reproacher campaign. Vote Reproacher or die trying!!!!

    • KJM

      #TeamCollieMolester

  • PROUD COLLIE FONDLER

    • You seem like the type

      • KJM

        Arf!!

        • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom
          • KJM

            Awww, what a sweetie!

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            Stay away from that Collie, KJM!

          • KJM

            Don’t judge me! I was born this way!

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            I will definitely judge you! I’ll judge you like I’m a judgy judge!

          • KJM

            You’re the judgiest judge who’s ever judged!

          • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom

            Damn, if I only I could find Zimmer’s Hole ‘Doggy Style’ on Youtube! Arrrrrrrrrrrrgh!

    • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom

      I had one growing up.

  • pïgchop™

    Hey…speaking of “The Best”…here is EVERY JASON STATHAM PUNCH EVER!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6anGt4u2Aq0
    Hell yes, baby – that’s rock n’ roll.

    • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

      Every Punch is for Joe.

  • Howard Dean

    I’m making picks based upon which state I like better.

    #ToiletConfessions

  • Celtic Frosty

    TOAD is unsigned?

    • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

      Everybody was taken aback at the time, but yes, obviously.

  • JWEG

    I expect some of these to be tough, but that last one is entirely unfair … to whoever is up against Forest of Tygers.

    I vaguely recognize the other name, but I seem to have repressed its memory.

    • It’s not Forest of Tygers fault that South Dakota is a fucking MUSICAL WASTELAND.

      • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom

        Or just a total fucking wasteland in general.

    • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

      Jelly Nutz Justoner>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
      No matter what you say.

  • Dagon

    Solaire x Vaporizer is a hard vote. The latter grew on me over time.

    • No idea. That was frustrating

    • Lacertilian

      My sentiments exactly.
      Solaire might just secure the lizard vote though.

  • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom

    I had to vote Jelly Nutz just for shits and giggles, as much as I like Forest Of Tygers.

  • Phoenix of the House Tendies

    I voted Blunt Smokees just cause Joe doesn’t like reggae. Sorry Papa Joe.

  • Waynecro

    Some of these choices were really difficult. I feel like I just had to choose between cookies with M&Ms in them and frosted brownies with sprinkles.

  • If I don’t see Withering Light in the finals I shall be highly disappointed in all of you.

    • Lacertilian

      I feel the same way with Borealis.
      Wanna make a pact?

      • Pact Belatedly Voted into Law

  • Lacertilian

    Damn man, Solaire vs Vape!
    This is going to be tough.