Wow! Check Out This Very Cool List

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When I told my good friend Joe that I had been beset by a nasty case of writer’s block, he suggested finding something to rank in a list, as it can be a quick and easy way to ease back into the writing game. I’ve never done a list, but I’m very excited to try it! 

10. This exact toothpaste

10

Most dentists recommend that you brush your teeth at least twice a week. Raise your hand if you actually do that. That’s what I thought! But don’t worry, this tube of Crest™ Be Inspired™ Vanilla Mint Spark™ Fluoride Toothpaste has made brush-time a real treat. The toothpaste inside this exact container tastes very good. It’s only my first tube, so I can’t say anything about the toothpaste inside other toothpaste tubes that look like this one does, but I can tell you that the exact toothpaste inside this tube of toothpaste that I purchased is just great. I very much recommend this exact toothpaste.

9. All castles

9

Have you ever seen a castle or a picture of a castle? If so, you probably noticed that castles are very cool. Don’t know what a castle is? Let me help. There are literally more than 15 pictures of castles that turn up if you visit “www.google.com” on the internet and type “castles” in the typing area. And here’s the thing — they’re all really great to look at. That’s why they’re number 9.

8. The ability of beavers to bite down trees

3

Would you just take a good, long, hard look at this picture? That’s a beaver and he bit that tree enough times that it actually fell down. It is believed by some that these clever animals use the wood from these fallen trees to eat and also to build things call “dams”. Regardless of why, there’s just no getting around it; biting down trees is very impressive and good. Considering the fact that a beaver is only slightly larger than the average man, I think it makes sense why this comes right after castles on this list.

7. The Magnifying Glass

3Just for a minute, imagine a world where we never even invented the magnifying glass. How would we ever be able look at very small things? Sometimes it is really important to look at very small things, and since you need a magnifying glass to do that, it earns a place number 7.

6. Gatorade dog toys

7

Durable, fun to play with, and just the right size for a medium or large dog. You can throw them and your dog will go run to where the Gatorade dog toy lands on the ground. What’s even better — they can be fun for the owner, too. Don’t believe me? Here’s why. They come full of liquids in all sorts of interesting colors which are very fun to watch go down the drain before you give it to your dog to play with. It’s very nice to see pet toy companies keeping the interests of both the pet and the owner at heart in this day and age, so I think it’s pretty obvious why this great product is included here.

5. Science

6

A lot of people on the website “www.facebook.com” use the fuck word to describe how much they love science and share very interesting pictures of space. My parents taught me that when people say the fuck word it is very serious. Therefore, science belongs here at number 6.

4. Being inside of a car

5This smiling man is happy because he is inside of a car. It’s amazing how far technology has come and that we are able to own something that is so good to sit inside. As an added bonus, some cars have wheels so you can go somewhere and be inside of a car at the same exact time. Wow.

3. Some money4

See? This man will tell you that is a very good thing to have some money. All of the other things on this list can be gotten with money. Sometimes, you can give a person some money, and they will give you one of those things. Some money is paper and other money is metal, and that can be confusing, but don’t worry — you can use both of them to get things you want.

2. Metal music

2

This is a metal blog so I just had to include everyone’s favorite, most hard-rocking genre of music. Listening to metal music is a very great thing to do. I think we can all agree on that!

1. All the things on this list at the same time

1

Mind. Blown.

  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

    Sooooooooooooooooooooo……still have writer’s block there Masterload?

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    What did I just read?

    • Mxxk Bxnxntxn™

      A list of the best.

  • Guacamole Jim

    Buttzfeed strikes again! I have been inside of one of the cars! Wow!

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      Why would Masterlord go to the dark side? Buzzfeed is the worst.

      • Guacamole Jim

        You clearly need more buttz in your life.

  • Dagon

    If you never saw a beaver chomping down a tree while sitting inside a car blasting metal music, parked inside a castle brushing your teeth with this exact toothpaste that was probably created by sciencemen with magnifying glasses, the one that you bought with some paper money and some metal money together, you just don’t know what life is.

  • Óðinn
    • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

      I was hoping being a beaver whisperer would inspire another video. Everything just gets worse.

  • Lacertilian

    The.
    Best.

    • Guacamole Jim

      THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST OF YOOOOOOOU

  • This is the best worst thing I have ever read. I can’t decide if I should kill myself or go be inside a car while it moves

    • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

      Just get in the car and run into a wall? Two birds, one stone?

    • The Haunting Presence of Tyree
      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        Favorite track on the album.
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-kJskwOzR0

        • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

          So good. FYI, I saw the other day that Hells Headbangers is carrying Hostmorke and Vinterskugge on vinyl now.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Fuck. Should be at Hells too, I’m guessing.

          • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

            Yeah, hopefully.

          • RJA

            I picked up both at Hell’s – both nice quality copies. I would suggest to anyone if you’re at all interested in those on vinyl to pick them up – you don’t see them around too often.

          • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

            Yeah, my thoughts exactly. I’m going to Hells Headbash next week so hopefully they don’t sell out by then.

          • RJA

            I don’t know that it’s a big seller – so they will probably have it for a couple weeks I would think (just be hard to find after this pressing goes away)
            How are you not going to spend a fortune at Hells Headbash!?

    • Option 3: listen to new MGLA

    • EsusMoose

      both

  • Vote for Jeb

    My favorite castle is Bishop Castle.

    http://www.bishopcastle.org/

    • Lacertilian

      I’m a total rook when it comes to castles

  • CyberneticOrganism

    I love this.

  • Lmfao this made my fucking day.

  • What sucks is that every time i see “wow!” I think of rocket league. Fucking evil game.

  • Mxxk Bxnxntxn™

    That man could use that money to get a better haircut.

  • I could swear I clicked on Toilet Ov Hell but apparently I’ve been re-routed to Buzzfeed. WTF?

    • CyberneticOrganism

      * Buttzfeed

  • I think Masterlord was trying to prove some kind of point to me with this. Pretty sure that point was “I’m way funnier than you”. Fuckin’ dick.

    • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

      Well shit, we ALL know that.

  • So is Science number 5 or number 6? I’m wracking my brain trying to figure this out.

  • The Haunting Presence of Tyree
  • Super Nintendo Chalmers

    Buttzfeed is the only thing I want to feed my buttz.

    • Lacertilian

      Look @dagonthefishgod:disqus, it’s you!

  • Mother Shabubu 4

    All Castles is a great name for some “hipstery” post-rock/emo revival band.

  • Paris Hilton

    “WE WILL CREATE THE ULTIMATE LIST! WITH SCIENCE!!!”

  • OldMetalHead
  • Fucking brilliant!

  • Pipelord69

    Beavers are cool animals. But you know what’s not cool?
    When a girl has a beaver… totally not cool

    • The Haunting Presence of Tyree
    • Sir Tapir The Based :]

      Beavers are okay, but they’re nothing when compared to tapirs.

      • Pipelord69

        I just looked them up and now I’m completely intrigued

        • Sir Tapir The Based :]

          Your lack of tapirs disturbs me.

  • I dunno bout you guise but whenever I’m in a car, I’m all “where we headed?”

    • Jormungandr

      To pound town Jimmy. To pound town.

  • Stanley

    So I guess the writer’s block has been banished. Fuckin’ hilarious.

  • JamesGrimm

    wtf.

  • Waynecro

    That was fucking great. You get ten cool points. It may not sound like many points, but I once had to eat an entire raw potato and drink a bottle of hot sauce for only five cool points.