The Worst Album Art of 2015

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It’s time to judge some books crappy albums by their covers crappy album art.

We’re mercifully winding down the days of Listmania here at the Toilet ov Hell. We’ve covered the very best of the year from great albums, to great songs. Now we’re dredging through the very worst album covers that 2015 had to offer. Like film, heavy metal is often a very visual medium. Blood n’ gutz are common, as are epic fantasy landscapes, and dark symbolism. But sometimes artists fuck it all up; your existentialist concept album gets adorned with a prolapsed anus committing seppuku, and idiots on the Internet are forced to make fun of it. The writers of TovH (but let’s be clear, most of the work was done by 365 Days of Horror), found almost 100 terrible album covers. Excluding obvious shockbait (like this very NSFW gem), here are the worst of the worst.

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There are many, many things I can (and will) poke fun at Kamelot about, but their worst offense here is false advertising. The cover of Haven looks like a flier for a mid-2000s guido EDM show. I can smell the hair gel and Sparks malt beverage by looking at this. Instead, you’ll crack this case open and find something far more embarrassing than Alice Deejay remixes: Kamelot’s music. One listen to the Celine Dion-ish strains of “Under Grey Skies” would make even the most outrageous blowout haircut flaccid.


 

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Really, really disappointed by the lack of unnecessary Rob Liefeld pouches on this Lobo ripoff. The art for Groovy Massacre is so sublimely shitty that I had to check the band out. If you like the idea of Pro-Pain with sewer slam vocals and FUCKING AWFUL Eastern European rapping, CUMBEAST is the band for you. Don’t believe me? See for yourself.


 

Airlines-of-Terror-Terror-From-the-Air

This isn’t how airplanes or Jesuses work. If I cared to do even a modicum of research on this band (which I don’t), I wouldn’t be surprised to somehow find Mel Gibson involved.


 

1433660708_front

I get the sense that this album sounds like Birkenstocks smell.



Celloverse_art4d

This is the last thing you see before you’re cellofucked to death.


 

1435997075_a3820595526_16

The remains of J.R.R. Tolkien should be exhumed and hung on display as a warning to any other nerds that have ideas of creating worlds with wizards, and elves, and shit. His influence on fantasy has inspired more garbage art than the invention of the printing press. Weep, Tolkien. Weep at what thou hath wrought.


 

I actually really like the cover of Black Cilice’ Mysteries, but probably not for the same reasons the band intended. The stark minimalism here is supposed to represent a man alone in torment and isolation, but I just see a lil Gumby man having a hearty chuckle.


 

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Not sure how this got here, because it is BAD. ASS.


 

megadethdystopiawithtitle

It appears Megadave is taking a page from Dream Theater and releasing his next album as a video game. Dunno about you guys, but I’ve got low expectations for Assassin’s Creed: Islamophobia.


 

Helloween_My-God-Given-Right

Behold, the terrifying future foretold by beating Clayfighters as Bad Mister Frosty.


 

Konchordat

Mister and Missus Pyramid Head are very disappointed in your grades. I just realized I made three video game references in a row. brb, shoving myself in a locker for all eternity.


 

Momentum-The-Freak-is-Alive-01-e1423017193849

There comes a time in every young person’s life when they will take mind-altering drugs and attempt to draw all the cRRAaAaZzZy things they imagine in their head. There comes a time in every young person’s life when they sober up and realize their drawings are shit. Momentum decided to release their terrible stoned drawing as an alternate album cover. Unfortunate, but hey, at least is wasn’t the official product. I’m sure the final art is way better.

a2399036968_10

Oh good grief, you guys.


 

udo-decadent-album-artwork

U.D.O. obviously employed the services of a very talented graphic artist and yet still ended up on our list. This rich Satan fella looks like he’s ready to violate the shit out of me.


 

ulkan1_zpsmuct9ghi

This is a prolapsed anus attempting to commit seppuku with a katana. On the scale of sentences-I-expected-to-ever-write versus a prolapsed-anus-attempting-to-commit-seppuku-with-a-katana, I give it a LOLBUTTZ/10.

Did we miss something? What is truly the worst album cover of the year? 

  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

    Getting cellofucked to death, never sounded so cunting good. Meooooooowwwww…..

    • Salvador Dalí Lama

      Two minutes into cello and chill and they give you this look

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        Pretty much and then my panties become wetter than the Pacific Ocean.

        • Dubs

          that’s pretty wet, bro.

        • Salvador Dalí Lama

          And your holes get more latex condoms in them than the Pacific Garbage Patch.

    • celloverse. Fucking lol

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Includes free cologne sample

  • Dubs
    • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

      Or like a blooper real from Cloverfield.

  • Dubs
    • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

      Life’s been rough for Geoff Peterson after Craig Ferguson quit late night.

    • Old Man Doom

      Thank you, Mr.Skeltal

  • Air Raid From The Top Bunk
    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      This is what I instantly thought of

      • Air Raid From The Top Bunk
        • Ted Nü-Djent ™

          13 year old me though

          • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

            And JJD will be jumping to their defense in 3, 2, 1………….

        • more beer

          If these guys ever even got in the proximity of a fire. All of their hairspray would cause an explosion.

          • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

            Aren’t they still together?

          • more beer

            How the fuck do I know I have never listened to hair metal. Even in the 80’s

          • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

            *slow clap*

          • more beer

            I wasn’t trying to be a dick. Just saying I never listened to that kind of shit. So I have no Idea.

          • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

            Not a dick at all! It’s quite commendable! It’s JJD’s righteous fury you’ll have to worry about, lol.

          • more beer

            His righteous fury doesn’t worry me. I find it hard to believe he like a lot of the shit he does. There was much better music in the 80’s than that shit. How Tyree is now is how I was back then. I was always seeking out the newest hardest music. In a way I still am. Just not with as much dedication as he has. I have other things to take care of besides just finding new music. That is what is great about this place. I know someone will post new stuff that I can check out and see if I like.

          • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

            Yep, part of the beauty about this place is constantly new music, and even if it’s not a genre I like (metalcore) I’ll still check it out with some persuasion. That and TOH is friendly and hilarious as fuck.

          • more beer

            Yes unlike the other blogs that post so much non music things. Here it is always about the music. Or things related to it. Plus most of the people here are pretty fucking cool.

          • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

            Oh, we drift off to film and other things here and there, but not often.
            Lol, in other news, this article’s comment section is already getting hilarious as hell.

            http://www.tmz.com/2015/12/16/nicki-minaj-camel-toe/#disqus_thread

          • more beer

            But nothing strays to far from the path. I do appreciate art and movies so it’s all good. I really despise TMZ but I will look.

          • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

            Lol, it’s good for a laugh here and there. I go to there, Fark or Rawstory when things are slow on here. Facebook here and there, but not very often.

          • more beer

            They didn’t even need any text for that just the picture. That is funny. Somewhere in the desert. There is a camel missing it’s toe.

          • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

            Lol, see my colorful comments on there yet? That thing looks like the world’s saddest grilled cheese sandwich.

          • more beer

            Fuckin disgusting! She should tattoo enter at your own risk above it.

          • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

            Lol, this is how I spend my high and drunk time tonight: making fun of Nicki Minaj’s unfortunate hoo hoo selfie while listening to some Hell Cannon. :-p

          • more beer

            It is a frightening hoo hoo.

          • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

            Give me a few shots and I’d most likely slay that beast with my meaty log splitter.

          • more beer

            It would take me a lot of shots and probably some benzos. To be willing to hit that. That chick has been passed around more than an alter boy in the Vatican. Your meaty log splitter does you no good if it’s dripping puss.

          • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

            Good point! X would do the trick, too. Though I’d have to take 2000 pills, down a pint of vodka, listen to tons of Tom Waits before I’ve dive into that Mariana Trench of meat flaps, and consider myself a lost soul.

          • more beer

            Except X might make you think that love that skank. Alcohol and benzos would make you black out and not Remember the whole horrifying experience.

          • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

            Dunno about you, but never fell in love with anyone on X!

          • more beer

            I said think you are in love.

          • Keith Richards’ Itchy Gooch

            Nope, not that either.

          • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

            Found this too. RIP, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FzF1KySHmUA

          • more beer

            Don’t worry zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz will always have a place with Alex Jones.

          • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

            Call me fucked up, but I’d like to see their argument! With Ben Carson and Joe Biden moderating.

          • more beer

            Jesus Christ that would be a fucked up debate.

          • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

            Best words of wisdom EVER. From the man that Gordan Ramsay cry!

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWkcqTMgwuU

          • Air Raid From The Top Bunk
  • KJM, Shake Zula

    I wouldn’t even know who Bueno Excellente was if it wasn’t for you sick fucks. What the fuck is that shit?

    • Dubs

      Same

    • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

      He was from Section 8, which was DC’s group of fucked up wannabe superheroes. My personal fave was Dog Welder, who welded dead dogs to people’s faces, and of course Six Pack, who had the power to get extremely drunk.

      • more beer

        So then in reality. Everyone is Six Pack.

      • KJM, Shake Zula

        Damn, I had that super power when I was in high school. They could’ve called me “Tango Screwdriver”.

        • more beer

          No wonder you don’t drink. I remember that horrible drink. Pre- mixed screwdrivers.

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            At a high school graduation party I guzzled an entire bottle on a dare, immediately threw it all up, and sprained my ankle on the way home. I haven’t had a screwdriver since.

          • more beer

            I remember that tango crap being disgusting.

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            It was.

          • more beer

            That is probably why they don’t sell it anymore.

  • BLACKBEARD UNFILTERED

    Im fine with being the only person at the Terlet who liked the Kamelot album

    • Guac J and Masterlord did, I think. That is a style of music that is just not for me.

      • Guacamole Jim

        It was better than Silverthorn, but honestly doesn’t hold up well, especially compared with Kamelot’s back catalogue.

    • RustyShackleford

      I dig it! Kamelot is a fun time.

    • JWEG

      Kamelot is cheese, but a very fine cheese.

      Plus, I like that album art.

      • BLACKBEARD UNFILTERED

        Kamelot knows its way around hot broads

  • On an opposite note, one of my all time favorites.

    http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/61NzWKqyxdL.jpg

  • ┼yree

    Man, I really like the minimalist approach that Black Cilice use for the full lengths. He certainly knows how to keep is marketing collateral consistent much like his music. Which is not a bad thing.

    The problem with the other artwork on here is the colors.

    http://i1045.photobucket.com/albums/b451/Tyree_Grindhart/black4_zpspr7bi0al.jpg

  • Stanley
    • Dubs

      I just noticed that’s a marlin.

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        Dude, that’s an intergalactic marlin.

        • ┼yree

          Hahahahahaha!!!!

      • Stanley

        Or a sailfish?

      • holy shit it is isn’t it?

        • Dubs

          I think it’s fighting against some nautiluses and maybe a clownfish?

        • EsusMoose

          That was the first thing I noticed when I saw it, battleship space fish and thought it was apart of a theme or something

          • I just saw a bunch of shit going on at once and said yup thats a tech death album cover.

          • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

            They should’ve named it ‘Billy The Big Mouth Bass’ Intergalactic Rampage’.

          • JWEG

            You sunk my battlefish!

          • its a baby fuckin wheel jay!

      • more beer

        Regardless some alien needs to hang it up on his wall.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      SOMEbody likes their weed

    • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

      Holy shit, that’s actually pretty cool! I see the Florida Marlins have a new, more fearsome mascot on there. I wanna that thing fight Gojira’s flying whales to the death!

    • lagerbottoms

      I actually love that one 😀

      It’s so over the top ridiculous 😀 And this kind of music just needs this kinds of artwork

      • Stanley

        It certainly does as it notifies me to stay the hell away.

    • Boss the Ross

      Phenomenal!

    • Dave Vincent’s Perm

      That’s actually kinda awesome. But that might just be the severely repressed Rings of Saturn fan within me talking.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      “…and there was much sacrificing.” *yaaaay*

  • COAL ROLL

    this one was pretty dumb

    • more beer

      Yea but the music is good.

      • COAL ROLL

        damn good bro

    • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

      got nostrils?

      • more beer

        I know some coke heads who would kill for those nostrils.

        • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

          built for speed and eventual cartilage breakdowns …just a matter of time.

          • more beer

            Very true. But they would still love them as long as they lasted.

          • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

            vac u suck

    • CyberneticOrganism

      guh

    • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

      Goofy, but still pretty cool. Too many gory album covers try too hard to be shocking and offensive, this one strikes the right fun balance.

      • It wouldn’t be a stretch to say this one is kinda, uh, problematic.

        • Surprised no one ever really pointed it out either.

          • COAL ROLL

            I brought it up once before, this cover and my interpretation of the arts symbolism

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            I did a long time ago.

        • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

          I’m not sure that this kind of thing relates to any reality for people who appreciate it, even subconsciously. I get where you’re coming from, but I think it’s from a whole different place.

      • COAL ROLL

        it’s straight up racist if you ask me

        • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

          At root its a racist concept, but there’s so much pop cultural abstraction between people actually thinking that stuff and now that I think it takes a whole different approach to make such an image with ideological force.

    • Fester B. Gone

      I see it as a tribute to Death nothing more and i added it to my Death Collection.

  • Wow Airlines of Terror nailed it in the song title department too. Which one of you commented on this video or has lolbuttz gone global? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AK9LbbeX9SM

  • Waynecro

    This was all genius, but I think “a lil Gumby man having a hearty chuckle” is my favorite thing ever.

  • who the fuck doesn’t love the flaming rhino???

    • Dubs

      You can be my flaming rhino.

      • I think you mean “spirit animal”

  • RustyShackleford
  • more beer

    Konchordat stole these guys hats.

  • Stanley
    • I considered including this one, but I couldn’t think of anything to say other than: this sucks.

      • Stanley

        What more was required?

      • more beer

        That would have been more than enough.

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        Dude, “planking desert style” would have sufficed.

      • Salvador Dalí Lama

        What did you expect from Dream Theater though?

        • ┼yree

          Good point.

        • Vladimir Poutine

          I see what you did there. Ouch.

          • more beer

            Good to see you back here.

          • Vladimir Poutine

            Thanks man. Good to be back

          • more beer

            We need to get a beer one of these days. did you read the review of Denver Black Sky on MS. Was that guy even at the same show as us?

          • Vladimir Poutine

            Definitely re the beer. I did read that review and found it a bit weird, though it’s MetalSucks so that might come with the territory. I definitely didn’t agree with his claim that Maruta didn’t go over well; I thought they played great and the crowd seemed to agree (I was standing right behind them during the set)

          • more beer

            I can’t believe I didn’t see you so was I. Ringworm also fucking played a killer set. I don’t know what he was talking about. I was right behind In the Company of serpents also. Let me tell you there were so many hot girls dancing and shaking their money makers during their set around me. It was great. Rhombus was at the after party at the brewery the next day. I didn’t say a word to him. I have figured out who he is. There were many more much more musically knowledgeable people there than him.

          • Vladimir Poutine

            You’ll need to point him out to me sometime. I have a theory on who he is (only other guy who showed up to every show I went to this fall, skinny bearded type)

          • more beer

            He is pretty skinny. He hasn’t been to every show I have been to. But have I seen this guy at certain shows he has written about. Not many others. So that seems typical for MS writer.

          • Vladimir Poutine

            MS: lowering internet’s already low journalistic standards since whenever.

          • more beer

            Since their very first day, as a blog.

          • Vladimir Poutine

            I remember thinking they were cool maybe seven or eight years ago, and they turned me onto a couple cool bands along the way, but man … bad writing, bad proofing, dumb humor, and Axl alone should get an exception from the 1st amendment and be banned from writing anything. Awful.

          • more beer

            Rhombus too. Law enforcement should seize Vince’s hard drive. With him writing every other article about children. There is something not right with that. Two show reviews from Rhombus that I was at. I wondered both times if he was really there. Just bad blogging on a daily basis..

    • My problem with this cover is my mind fluctuates between thinking hes fucking levitating vs actually lying flat on the ground.

    • Looks like a rejected Muse cover.

    • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

      Such a good CD though, even if the album art is straight out of Pure Moods’ garbage can.

      • incredible tunes, agreed!

    • CyberneticOrganism

      I think I saw this at the Irish heritage store for $1.99

    • Sir Tapir The Based

      Terrible album cover for terrible music.

  • ┼yree
    • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

      This.

    • Suggested album title?

      “Just a Flesh Wound”

      • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

        Suicide Stick?

        • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

          Last Vacation, Void Vacation, Selfie Fuck…….

          • “Self Shot”

          • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

            Point And Click

          • ooOOOoo neat one

        • ┼yree

          That’s hot.

    • beewwwwwbbbsss

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Oh my fuck, yes

    • RJA

      Are we thinking murder/suicide here or just one or the other.

    • lagerbottoms

      comeon this one is fucking amazing 😀

    • KJM, Shake Zula

      I like it, very Dead Kennedys.

    • Scrimm

      This is great.

    • The Satan Ov Hell

      Is that by Joan Cornella?

  • RJA

    How dare you guys put that Black Cilice cover on here – that is uncalled for!

    I listened to Cumbeast and thought it was just awful but then Eikthyrnir came along and surpassed it.
    .

  • Stanley

    “Tenderised Chunks of a Weakling”. Whatevs. This is garbage.

    http://www.metalinjection.net/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/Napalm-Death-Apex-Predator-Easy-Meat.jpg

    • Garbage, but unique!

      • Stanley

        Not really. There’s loads of album covers with entrails and such.

    • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

      I thought it was calamari when I first saw it.

    • ┼yree

      I thought this was pretty disappointing. Just boring as fuck. I could have done better than this.

      https://f1.bcbits.com/img/a1057997536_10.jpg

      • Stanley

        Boring. Boring. zzzzzzzzzzz

        • ┼yree

          The musical content on the other hand…. Not so boring, just a bit too polished is all. That drumming though, Mmm!

          • Stanley

            BLAST IT!

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      I had a shirt of this in white. My parents hid it because they hated it.

      • Stanley

        I like your parents.

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          I love them because they’re my parents. I don’t know why they do what they do but there’s probably some reason.

          • Stanley

            They have taste in T Shirts.

          • more beer

            They do things to you because they can. There is no actual reason.

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            Because you’re their kid. Parenting makes people do stupid things.

      • I have that shirt…and I wear it.

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          The parents took it from me. They said it was evil.

          • not cool, JJD’s parents. why would they do such a thing?

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            They said it was inappropriate. They also hate that kind of music. They say Mushroomhead is satanic.

          • Waynecro

            When I was a kid, my mom found a Dark Funeral CD in my room and got really sad because of all the Satan. I felt bad, so I traded the CD to my friend for Death’s Symbolic. That was a good trade. Thanks, mom.

          • while i do like them for their anti-Mushroomhead stance, i’m sad about their opinion on ND

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            Agreed.

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    I loved Clayfighter. That being said, that is bad album art.

  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

    Don’t give a shit how good this is supposed to be. This cover is terrible.

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    I hated the All That Remains album cover as well. It’s too generic.

    • just like their music and douchenozzle singer. Fits perfectly.

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        Phil Labonte is the worst. Same with their music except for Fall Of Ideals.

      • Disagree. Great tunes!

        ppl get way to hung up on the fact that he loves weapons.

        • Eh I don’t care if likes guns, that’s cool. But the dude wore a shirt that said “umad bro” . For that and many other stupid things he will always be designation fucktard.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I’ve seen that shirt. It needs to be sent back to Hell where it belongs.

        • Waynecro

          I like weapons. I mean, if Obama takes away my gun, what the fuck am I supposed to point at my head for an hour every night before I go to bed?

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Your finger.

          • FINGERS ARE MEANT FOR PULLING. NOT POINTING

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Good point.

          • you better not be pointing at me with your finger.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I’m not. I’m typing with my finger.

          • more beer

            Pulling and then farting.

          • you are a quick one!

          • more beer

            Yep. But you do kind of have to spell things out for JJD.

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            “He’s a good man, but he’s not right in the head.”

            “I’ve known fellers like that…”

          • more beer

            Yes he is I like the kid.

          • Waynecro

            Scissors? A cigarette lighter? Fucking weak.

          • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

            A cannon?

          • Waynecro

            Yeah, if I were a cartoon character.

          • more beer

            If you were a cartoon character with a canon You would also need an anvil.

          • Waynecro

            I would not be opposed to incorporating an anvil into my home’s decor.

          • more beer

            Just don’t point it at your head.

          • Waynecro

            I’ll probably be OK as long as I don’t drop it on my head. Of course, if I were a cartoon, that wouldn’t be much of a problem either.

          • more beer

            Except the end result is you end up looking like an accordion.

          • Waynecro

            If I were an accordion, I’d play the fuck outta some polka.

          • more beer

            Or Mexican music.

          • Waynecro

            Very true. I guess I’m just partial to polka.

          • more beer

            I can’t say that I blame you there.

          • Boss the Ross

            do it.

          • Waynecro

            I totally forgot about that Anvil.

          • Boss the Ross

            How does one forget about the most metal album cover/title of all time? It literally has metal twice in the name. TWICE!

          • Waynecro

            That is a mighty impressive amount of metal.

          • more beer

            You make him take them. From your cold dead hands. Stop pointing weapons at yourself. You don’t want t be considered. An irresponsible gun owner.

          • Waynecro

            That’s a very good point. Responsible gun ownership is serious business.

          • more beer

            Yes it is.

          • Boss the Ross

            You probably saw this coming, more beer, you’re my hero.

          • more beer

            That always makes me laugh.

          • Boss the Ross

            Haha, glad to give you a chuckle or two.

          • more beer

            Everytime

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            super soaker

          • Waynecro

            Super Soakers were the shit. Every kid was afraid that one day, he or she would come face to face with someone lucky enough to own the big-ass Super Soaker with the water-tank backpack and then get water blasted across the cul-de-sac.

          • more beer

            We had really shitty water guns when we were kids. But then again they let us have bb guns back then.

          • Boss the Ross

            Way better in my opinion.

          • more beer

            Fuck yea you could take someones eye out with a bb gun. Believe me I heard that a lot. Back then things weren’t fun unless there was the possibility of taking an eye out. There was no such thing as protection. Like helmets and knee pads.. If you got fucked up, you got fucked up. You just didn’t do that shit again.

          • Boss the Ross

            And your lesson was learned. I wish society was still like this. Kids need to be kids, they’ll learn how and when to grow up and become “responsible”

          • more beer

            Yes it was. If you hurt yourself doing something, you will do your best to not do that again. Also if you played a sport. The loser didn’t get a trophy and you certainly didn’t get an award for participating. This doesn’t teach kids anything they will need in life. Everyone thinks their kid is delicate and special and that they will break. What a bunch of bullshit. Every other generation has managed to survive. What makes kids now so different.

          • Boss the Ross

            Damn straight! It pains me to think my future children will grow up in these circumstances. But I will do my damndest to make sure they know what’s right and wrong with society.

          • more beer

            You will have to teach them right. Because what they teach them in school. Will hinder them in life. I am not talking about reading writing and arithmetic. But all of the other crap they teach them now. You will do fine because you know what is right and what is wrong.

          • Boss the Ross

            Thank you for the confidence, more beer, I will.

          • more beer

            I know you will. Metal heads get better with age. I had this discussion with Ross from Immolation a couple of months ago. Everyone we came up with on the scene is doing well for themselves. We are all better adjusted and doing better. Than a lot of people we know who aren’t metal heads. Even people we thought for sure would be dead by now. You will do just fine.

          • Boss the Ross

            That’s awesome to hear. You’re the man more beer. I really enjoy our conversations.

          • more beer

            The same here. You are in the Dallas Fort Worth area aren’t you? I may be down there next month. I have a friend who lives there. Myself and another friend were talking about going down to hang out with him for a couple of days. It would be great to get a beer with you if that’s where you are.

          • Boss the Ross

            Yeah man! Just let me know. DFW is kinda large, so it depends on which part you’re going to be in, but I think I can make something work.

          • more beer

            Right on. Nothing is set in stone yet but we are discussing it. But having a couplle of beers with you would be cool as hell.

          • Boss the Ross

            Yes it would be. Just let me know man. You can email me at bosstheross54@gmail.com anytime, about anything.

          • more beer

            I will e mail you so you have mine.

          • Have you been reading my diary?

          • Waynecro

            Are you implying that I’m a LiveJournal stalker? Because I’m not. I don’t even no what LiveJournal is!

          • Um.
            Me neither.
            *gulp*

        • KJM, Shake Zula

          I just think he’s an asshole. It’s got nothing to do with guns in my case.

      • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

        He needs to change his first name to Monty.

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          I HATE the name Monty.

          • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

            I hate shorts and flip flops.

          • Stanley

            U NO FUN!

          • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

            I enjoy long walks on the beach and covering my ankles!

          • WHY YU DO THIS??

          • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

            Bare legs are the Devil’s climbing poles!

          • AHAHHAAAAAAAA

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            You can’t be serious.

          • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

            One day shorts, the next day injecting heroin into your nay-nay!

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I wear shorts all the times in the summer and I’ve never injected heroin or done any drugs!

          • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

            That’s exactly what someone who injects heroin into their nay nay would say!

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            How do we know you don’t inject heroin into your nay nay?

          • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

            Because I don’t wear shorts and flip flops!

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Goathead plz! I wear shorts but I don’t wear flip flops!

          • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

            Exposed toes for infinite sorrows!

          • more beer

            If you live where I do that is a fact. Because of these.

          • more beer

            That’s right if you wear flipflops in New York. You will never have clean feet again.

          • wut

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I don’t even know what nay nay means.

          • you don’t say say?

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Exactly.

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            I GUESS YOU HATE MONTY PYTHON THE, FUCKFACE

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I love Monty Python!

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            You lie!

        • KJM, Shake Zula

          My grandmother’s last name was LaBonte. Recently this has been cause for great concern.

  • ┼yree
  • ┼yree

    Oh man, there was one this year that was particularlly bad! A black metal album that W. showed me once. Fuck! What was it? It was like some terrible CGI shit. Just terrible. Help me out Dubz.

  • ┼yree

    Frrrrrrrrrrp

    Killer split though. Especially that Old Witch side.

    https://f1.bcbits.com/img/a0080210015_10.jpg

    • Maik Beninton™
    • sweetooth0

      I’m pretty sure that’s one of them old timey photos people used to take with their recently deceased loved ones. Kinda creepy how they always try to make the dead people look happy and pose them and stuff. Imagine the childhood trauma there!

      • memento mori

      • Air Raid From The Top Bunk
      • d00d if that’s the case, it makes this artwork creepy as f**k and >>>>>>>>>>>>>

      • more beer

        People were tougher back then. Everyone being traumatized is a new development. So shrinks and pharmaceutical companies can get paid.

        • sweetooth0

          True, and I’m thinking in the Victorian era you could still challenge someone to a duel to the death if they pissed you off. Imagine how much more healthy people would be if they had that sort of option these days.

          • more beer

            There was sense of dignity in the duel as well. You stood your ground and win or lose you had our self respect. Aaron Burr who was a vice president and Alexander Hamilton had duel.. Hamilton lost and died the next day. If it was good enough for the Founding Fathers it’s good enough for me. Today they would make you use Nerf guns or Super Soakers.

    • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

      Susan Boyle pleasuring herself? ^^^^^^

    • Air Raid From The Top Bunk
    • Lacertilian

      I think it could be improved a fair bit simply by removing her pupils/iris.
      Just blank eyes.

  • ┼yree

    Are you going to be doing a best album cover post too?

    • Maik Beninton™

      I did a thread on FB about that.

      • ┼yree

        It is what it is I guess.

  • 365ChaosRiddenDays

    Wanna help? this is terrible:

    • it wasn’t so bad prior to thinking about a guy getting his head forced into some cake…

      • COAL ROLL

        really? my first thought was bukakke

        • isn’t that always running through your head tho?

          • COAL ROLL

            no, that would be your mom bro

          • no judgment, she’s a fine woman

      • 365ChaosRiddenDays

        Seems a guy’s face sunken in a bag of garbage to me, but the cake thing is possible!

      • Waynecro

        Man, I fucking love cake. The road to my heart is paved with funfetti.

        • wayne, since you made me aware of what ‘funfetti’ is, i need you to punch me until i forget

          • Waynecro

            I could do that. Or you could embrace funfetti and live a much happier life for having done so.

          • more beer

            Be careful not to get lured in by the funfetti. It could just be a giant Trojan horse to heartbreak.

          • Waynecro

            Funfetti could be the name of a really bubbly stripper or, like, a really classy escort girl.

          • more beer

            I always laugh at the strippers I know when they tell me their stripper names. I had one who I was friends with. Tell me I should start calling her Berry. I refused as I had known her for a long time by her government name which was Amber. I think hookers use their actual names for the most part.

          • Waynecro

            I knew a few strippers once, but we weren’t on a first-name basis or anything. I just new them as “Mike’s stripper neighbors.” If not a name for a hooker, perhaps a name for a porn star? You know, “Funfetti brings a little color to all that white cake.” Something classy like that.

          • more beer

            Very true. I have known quite a few on a friendship level.. Therefore actual names were in order. I wouldn’t bring them home to mom. But man they were a lot of fun to hangout with. Color to white cake is most certainly classy.

        • more beer

          Upvoted for cake!

      • Air Raid From The Top Bunk
    • I really like it.

      • Boss the Ross

        Me too, i think it fits the mood.

    • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

      You can’t have any ice creeeeeeeeeeeam, cause your daddy’s an alcoholic and you get it all over your faaaaaaaaaaaaaace!

      http://cdn.makeagif.com/media/4-17-2015/vU_SEx.gif

      • KJM, Shake Zula

        Me and my high school friends wasted(and I mean wasted) so much time watching this VHS.
        “She’s a bigfoot, ain’t she Gus?”

        • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

          “The Busboys will fuck anything that moves. Even the goldfish stop when they’re in the room”

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            “Lilian!! The bitch fell down the steps again!!!”

        • more beer

          I saw it in the theater when it came out.

        • Boss the Ross

          Goony goo goo.

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            “I thought I learned me some new Spanish shit!”

          • Boss the Ross

            I walk up to my friend and say ‘Hey, Sanchez, goonie goo goo!’ and Sanchez say ‘Get the fuck out of here!’

      • 365ChaosRiddenDays

        My dad is Lucifer!

    • Fester B. Gone

      I never cared for these guys and probably never will.

      • 365ChaosRiddenDays

        I think the same!

  • JWEG

    2 Cellos: they may have failed as David Boreanaz (sp) impersonators, but at least they had music to fall back on…

  • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

    …………….

  • Air Raid From The Top Bunk
  • Lost my shit at “Assassin’s Creed: Islamophobia”

    • Dubs

      Did you find it again, or are you still looking?

    • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

      Their new video definitely has a tinge of Islamophobia.

  • Air Raid From The Top Bunk
    • Boss the Ross

      He’s obviously aiming for his vein. Honestly, if it wasn’t for the misplaced strike, i kind of like this cover. Old-School style.

      • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

        You’d think that he’d at least aim for the wrist then.

  • I actually loved the Kamelot artwork. I’m not a huge fan of the band, but the art is super crisp/clean looking in a refreshing way.

    PLUS THEY’RE NOT USING THIS SHIT PIECE OF CANCER WHO IS SINGLE HANDEDLY RUINING POWER METAL ARTWORK

    http://www.metal-archives.com/artists/Felipe_Machado_Franco/36469

    • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

      Doesn’t say what covers he’s done though. Please, show us these atrocities you speak of, sir knight.

      • If you click around (misc staff) it’ll show which albums he’s done the cover for

        • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

          I’ve seen and heard many of those albums listed, and have to say the artwork is actually pretty kickass.

          • Dude, what? The majority of his pieces are nearly identical with one, maybe two colors over random set pieces

          • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

            You could easily say the same about Geiger or Van Gogh, but it’s still pretty frickin’ sweet nonetheless.

          • Dubs

            Van Gogh? Really?

          • Air Raid From The Top Bunk
          • Dubs

            Van Gogh had much, much greater diversity in his technique and compositions.

            http://www.daydaypaint.com/images/Van-Gogh/Van-Gogh-Painting-068.jpg

          • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

            That one I haven’t seen. I’ve always been much more familiar with his paintings of fields, villas, flowers and whatnot. Not ones of crabs.

          • Dubs

            There’s a much greater depth to his style and technique. In fact, it’s believe that he may have used yellow tones because of an overmedication from digitalis. Though the color was used in a lot of his work, the content itself varies greatly. That’s how the masters differ from other artists. Beksinski may have used a lot of crosses, but there were clear distinctions between his pieces.

            http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1071623/

          • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

            We were arguing about color schemes, though. Differences in his themes were certainly there, and a whole other argument.
            Lol, the common belief as to why he used yellow so much was that he drank absinthe and ate almost nothing, which got debunked a long time ago. True, he drank a lot and lived like a popper, but wouldn’t cause anything more than constant DTs, not yellow vision.

          • Dubs

            If you click the link I shared, it mentions the absinthe idea and debunks it.

          • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

            Lol, I already knew that beforehand. They made the same claim about Oscar Wilde and absinthe in general. Absinthe isn’t quite the krokodil of alcohol that many made it out to be, and is legal now in several European countries. There was a push to make it legal here in America, but no idea how that all went.

          • Dubs

            Click the link, though. It explains the digitalis effect I mentioned.

          • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

            The Digitalis part I didn’t know about, though. And never even heard of it beforehand.

          • Dubs

            Ha, I think we just talked in circles. I think my point was less on the color arguments and more that I think Van Gogh is more deserving of merit than this other artists because of the diversity of composition. I don’t see any issues with using motifs, but I think it’s unfair to Van Gogh to say he only used blues and yellows (though they do pop up a lot).

            I think what separates Van Gogh from Franco is his technique. When I look at Franco’s work, I just see bursts of color without much form (though there are obvious exceptions).

            So I’ll concede that basing the argument on color was not the best argument, but I don’t think you can really compare the two.

          • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

            Lol,point taken, good sir. If it came down to vivid color schemes, Van Gogh would’ve been the shittiest anime artist on earth. I doubt he could do anything near something like Spirited Away.

          • Air Raid From The Top Bunk

            Go back to the original argument, when Randall said the one guy uses the same color scheme for most (key word, most) of his work. Van Gogh was more than guilty in the vast majority of his works for using the same yellow/blue color schemes, and sometimes a little green in there. I can point out many more. 🙂

            PS, what was the name of that Polish surrealist you did an article on a while back? His work was AWESOME!

  • Crowhurst did not make the list: kittens will not be punched.

  • Air Raid From The Top Bunk
  • Scrimm

    AHHHH MY EYES!!!!

  • ahem

    • Fester B. Gone

      Look at the size of that Cucumber.

  • Fester B. Gone

    The latest Gorgoroth album Instinctus Bestialis was a boring turd.

  • Air Raid From The Top Bunk
  • Eliza

    The saddest part is that someone actually approved of these. By the way, is the new Helloween album any good? I only care for their debut, so I’m not sure whether I should waste my time on it.

    • Dubs

      Megadeth: decent riffs, terrible vocals and ignorant lyrics.

      • Eliza

        I actually really like Megadeth until Countdown to Extinction and even a few songs on Youthanasia. But, yeah, since Cryptic Writings, your description is very accurate.

    • Straight Out of Hell was better than new one, but there are some good hard rock-ish catchy songs. Like My God-Given Right, Heroes or Lost in America.

      Dubz summarized everything I think of new Megadeth. I think I will enjoy the riffs and the solos.

      • Eliza

        Thanks!

  • Óðinn

    Holy shit, these are terrible. Especially the Udo cover,

    One exception. The Black Cilice cover is okay. It’s a good album too. Everybody should listen to it if they have not already. If you have already listened to it, listen to it again.

  • Dave Vincent’s Perm

    Aren’t Kamelot one of the bands that PMrants called “real metal?”

    • EsusMoose

      Too nerdy(power metaly) for most, not dragonfucking enough for power metal nerds. A sad in between world they’re stuck in.

      • Dave Vincent’s Perm

        Either way PMrants is a pretentious wanker.