Go faka yourself.
[FYI – Some of your employers may frown upon the amount of buttz in this video, so view at your own discretion. – W.]
I was all set to break down another video when Lolbuttzia, the Blackened Goat With A Million Lolbuttz and the unofficial mascot of Toilet Ov Hell, intervened. Her many hooves stamped the blood-soaked ground as she pushed the new video into my line of sight. Her hunger for lolbuttz must be satiated. An average music video would not do. No, Lolbuttzia requires something more. Lolbuttzia requires something with chuggity-chugs. Something with unnecessary clean vocals. Something that would make Fronz from Attila proud. Something Russian. Lolbuttzia requires the band Wildways and their new video for the song “Faka Faka Yeah”. Though it will be unpleasant, we must all sacrifice for Lolbuttzia. You’ve been warned.
0:02: I can practically taste the AXE body spray.
0:07: Foshizzle my Soviet bizzle.
0:11: A Russian Kid Rock wearing an Arby’s hat. Now I’ve seen everything.
0:18: Is that the best you can do, Doublemint Gum?
0:19: From Russia with Buns.
0:24: Shake it like you have to wait in line to buy toilet paper.
0:28: That gum tastes like borscht and sadness.
0:46: The top knot/man bun is embarrassing in any language.
0:57: I don’t know what “Faka Faka Yeah” means and I can 100% confirm that I don’t want to know.
1:03: Instead of regular water, they just used the tears of their parents.
1:09: I doubt the guy whose head is shaped like an onion dome will be getting bras thrown at him.
1:17: Hey, an Andy Dalton cameo.
1:21: God, I really hope they’re not eating watermelon to complete their rap/hip hop aesthetic.
1:24: The ravages of Communism: Making out and sharing fruit.
1:27: At least now we know where Russian fudge is made. Now what about the milk?
1:35: I wouldn’t be surprised if most of the lyrics were just “shit” and “bitch” on repeat.
1:44: They’ve got the synchronized punching down, they just have to work on the Aversions Crown-style bouncing.
1:48: Real ballers make it reverse-rain Russian knockoffs of Kit Kats.
1:55: In Soviet Russia, guitar plays you!
1:58: Russian Rapmetalcore Merol Face.
2:09: There’s the bounces we all know and love.
2:15: Putin on the ritz.
2:20: I don’t know if there’s a Russian equivalent for a “Bro” so I’ll just go with “идиот”.
2:24: I think there was something funny in that watermelon.
2:27: Like vitamins.
2:29: I like when you call me Big Dorky…
2:33: That’s assault, brotha.
2:36: Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve found where the Russian milk is made.
2:39: Yeah I feel pretty much the same way. Sans bounces, of course.
2:43: What a waste of perfectly good watermelon.
2:46: Nerd life.
2:57: Their jiggling is almost hypnotic.
3:04: How does Waka Flaka Flame feel about Faka Faka Yeah? Thoughts like that will keep you up at night.
3:16: Now is a good time to tell you that Wildways was originally formed under the name “Sarah Where Is My Tea”.
3:20: And they covered Lana Del Ray a few years ago.
3:25: An image that will haunt you for years to come.
Wildways’ album Into The Wild will be available on March 25th via Artillery Recordings.