Who Else Will You Never Be One Of?

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Nails, easily one of the best and most aggressive grind bands of the current era, will release their newest LP You Will Never Be One of Us on June 17th through Nuclear Blast. I love the band, but it bums me out that I will never be one of them. To make myself feel better, I’ve imagined other tuff crews that you and I will, unfortunately, never be one of. You’re welcome to create your own. Don’t be a mark ass bitch, add your own creations below!

nails friends

golden nails

Trailer Park Nailsthrees nails SUNNY NAILS simpsons-nails sharks nails raccoon nails nails-recess nails-girls nails manowar Nails Goth Kids hair nails ed edd nails Chips Nails
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  • Dubs

    Joe said this one was 2 sad.

    • cheer up Keanu

    • Maik Beninton™

      This is 2 reel.

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      This hits too close to home. I see why Joe didnt post it.

      • Dubs

        I was going for a play on words with Neo being The One from the Matrix, but I think that got lost in the sadness.

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          I just noticed that.

        • that really Keanu? my joke didn’t joke too well.

          • Dubs

            It is indeed Sad Keanu.

  • Might as well be walking on the sun.

    • is anyone else THAT chill? no, otherwise they’d already be in the Smashmouths

      • CyberneticOrganism

        The early 2000s had the worst fashion in all of human existence.

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          I like JNCOS. The rest of it is awful

          • Dubs

            I was in middle/high school in the early aughts. I wore JNCOS. I promise you that they were objectively awful.

          • You came anywhere near a puddle and you were drenched up to your knees.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            And then your six-foot wallet chain would rust

          • Dubs

            Robit, I’d like to propose a business venture: since 90’s fashion trends are coming back into vogue, let’s capitalize on the weaponized hot topic nostalgia and develop cell phone chains.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            *starts indiegogo page*

          • Waynecro

            I WILL INVEST IN THIS!!!

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            And you’d have to do a curtsy anytime you came anywhere near a puddle.

          • JNCOS worst enemy = Rainy days.

            http://i.imgur.com/YmDFG0v.jpg

          • Waynecro

            Back in the day, I had a friend who liked to compliment people wearing such pants on their “lovely dresses.” Scraps and/or rumbles often ensued.

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Kill it with fire and stomp out the ashes!

  • Joaquin Stick

    So much lolbuttz. Also, as Spear mentioned on Tuesday, the Mistur album that came out today is fucking great. Sognametal>>>>> https://mistur.bandcamp.com/

  • Vault Dweller

    If Ted Cruz actually enacted this tribute to Budd Dwyer IRL, it’d make me so happy.

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      That’s why I say Hey Ted nice shot.

  • CyberneticOrganism

    *chomp*

    • tigeraid

      Yussssss.

  • Grinding it this morning. Been jamming the early era Naplam Death albums. Finishing up the 1985 Hatred Surge Demo now with Justin Broadrick on guitar and the guy that’s not Mick Harris on drums. It’s such a crusty slop fest of a demo and I fucking love it. Switching over to Scum now. What a major difference between that demo and the Scum album; absolutely fucking groundbreaking material. Looking forward to getting to my personal favorite From Enslavement to Obliteration. Yes, I’m rambling on so I digress.

  • CyberneticOrganism

    Okay I’m out of ideas

  • Dear Randall – My Immortal meme did not make the cut.

  • ..

  • You will never be as rad as this guy…

    http://i.giphy.com/aQbsSvYK7Jyfe.gif

    • CyberneticOrganism

      lolz

    • Lacertilian

      Mark it zero!

  • what if, like, somebody quit the band and Nails had an audition to find a replacement; but nobody applied? they kind of just shot themselves in the foot.

  • If all my free time wasn’t evaporating and I didn’t have a ton of work to do today, I’d be making so many anime “You Will Never be One of us.”

    Starting with this one.

    http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/yuyuhakusho/images/a/a8/FourHeroes.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20110327012957

    • Dubs

      DOWNVOTED

    • evaporating = vaping?

      • Dubs

        *sympathy vapes*

      • CyberneticOrganism

        dude I woke up with a vapeover this morning I was gonna take a break today but…

        http://i.imgur.com/nydP5Lt.gif

        • Boss theSpeedMetalBastard Ross

          Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…

        • (match.com) Do you smoke?
          ☐ Yes
          ☐ Sometimes
          ☐ Never
          ☑ It’s complicated

    • hieronymus bossk

      Yu Yu will never be one of us.

      • Waynecro

        Nice. I was going to say that.

  • Nails will never record an album without Kurt Ballou
    Nails will never have an album longer than twenty minutes

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    I love the Street Sharks one.

    • they’re fuckin’ jacked!

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        I watched the show on Youtube. I enjoyed it a lot.

        • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

          Oh, lawdy, I didn’t even like that show when it was on the air and I was at an age where I was supposed to like it.

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      Brace yourself, the ‘fin’ puns are coming……………..

  • …Ellipsis…

    Night’s Watch listens to Nails…

    • tigeraid

      For the Watch.

  • …Ellipsis…

  • Boss theSpeedMetalBastard Ross

    Manowar is cracking me up.

  • …Ellipsis…

  • Eliza

    Excuse the shitty drawing

    • Boss theSpeedMetalBastard Ross

      🙁

      • Eliza

        Initially, I wanted to put my profile pic on the “Me” body, but I realized Paint can’t do that. 🙁

        • Boss theSpeedMetalBastard Ross

          🙁

          • Eliza

            :,'(

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      I have a life outside the Internet.

      • Eliza

        Good for you man, good for you.

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          I have friends who I talk to a lot. I occasionally hang out with them too.

          • Eliza

            I have one friend that I text sometimes and seldom see.

          • Waynecro

            I know one dude, but I won’t have to see him in person any longer if he gets an Xbox.

          • Eliza

            Modern technology is the best.

          • Waynecro

            Seriously. Technology can prevent in-person contact with other people even when my bad attitude fails to do so.

          • Eliza

            And we are forever thankful for it.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            But it’s good for long distance. I still talk to my friends back in Chicago (more than I talk to people in person around here), to see how things are and just how much of a shithole the south side’s become.

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            Don’t let him get an Xbox!
            #SayNoToShittyConsoles

          • Waynecro

            The Xbox One isn’t shitty. You must be thinking about the Wii U.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            I kick it with my roomies and the kids here and there, but that’s about it. I really haven’t bothered to make friends around here, outside of a few I bump into here and there (like the guy at the local Asian mart. We chat for a bit, but that’s about it).

          • Eliza

            I used to have really bad social anxiety, that’s why I couldn’t make friends with almost anyone. Now, I don’t have that problem anymore, but I still don’t know how to make friends with people I have to interact with in real life. But I have my Internet friends and that more than makes up for it.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Sam Elliot’s mustache is my homey.

      • The internet now permeates every aspect of life, so at any time in your life you’re most likely interacting with something that has to do with the internet. Whether it was ordered from the internet or the designers corresponded through the internet to collaborate and create it, it’s been touched by the internet.

    • that just means more Eliza for us!

      • Eliza

        You can always count on me spending time here!

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      Simple, yet sophisticated!

      • Eliza

        Less is more.

  • megachiles

    These were pretty much the only reason I checked facebook this week.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      You Will Never Be Wal Of Rus

      • Celtic Frosty

        NAILed it

  • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

  • RustyShackleford

    My God yes.

  • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls
  • It’s like, y’know homeboy, like it’s what it is, like, so, fuck everybody and shit, homeboy…

    • But just like, you are, you’re actually asking a fucking stupid question. Like a legitimately dumb fucking question.

      • likelikelikelikelikelikelikelikelike

        • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

          “Like, OMG, Becky, her butt is like so like huge! She must like be one of those rapper’s like girlfriends!” -Nails

    • Your new Disqus handle for the win!

  • Elegant Gazing Globe

    ..

  • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

    …..

  • Super Nintendo Chalmers

    The fact that racoon one made it, warms my cackles.

  • SheWölf

    Okay I wanna play…

    • Boss theSpeedMetalBastard Ross

      That looks like one big giant lightsaber

      • SheWölf

        Is that a “sausage party” joke?

        • Boss theSpeedMetalBastard Ross

          Um, nope…
          Unles you want it to be, then yes.

      • SheWölf

        Is that a “sausage party” joke?

    • hieronymus bossk

      Should have done the Knights of Ren

      • SheWölf

        But that would have killed my “Wan of us” pun…

        • hieronymus bossk

          Trü

  • Dude, come on.

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      Oh, fine. *rolls eyes*

      • No one wants to see dat.

        • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

          CD covers of goats pissing on nuns = acceptable
          CD cover of a guy who actually hung himself rotting in a tub = acceptable
          Rather funny picture of fat guys in banana hammocks = baton down the hatches, the sky is falling!

          No need for a double standard here, one will do just fine, thanks. But I took it down. Not up for pointless arguments over the whole thing.

          • Most people that enjoy metal enjoy horror and gore imagery. It goes with metal. Not gross real life pictures of naked fat men.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Ummmmm, not quite naked there, since they were at least partly clothed. Anywho, you won. Enjoy your day.

          • Fuck, I hate winning. Not a big deal. I mostly just minimize your images anyways.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            No biggie, man.

          • Count_Breznak
          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            LMAO!!!! That’s right up there with the Carpathian Forest ‘We’re Going To Hollywood for This’ DVD I was watching last week. Yes the severely overweight bassist was in his g-string and the wrinkled old dancers were shaking their blown-out whoopie cushions boobies around.

  • Guppusmaximus

    I guess Women’s equality can put a stop to anything…

  • Waynecro

    There’s a Freaks “One of us! One of us! Gooba-gobble, gooba-gobble” joke in here somewhere.

  • Coolstorybro

    I lost it at the street sharks. Well done, sir

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      Lol, the most pun filled cartoon of all time.

  • Ted Nü-Djent ™

    Am I too late to the party?

  • That Cruz one is SAVAGE

  • J.R.™

    Good ol Lyin’ Ted.

  • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

  • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple