Whiff o’ the Week (3/22/15)

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“The senses, moving toward their appropriate objects, are producers of heat and cold, pleasure and pain, which come and go and are brief and changeable; these do thou endure, O son of Bharata!”

Endure with me, my friends. This is Whiff o’ the Week.

Greetings and welcome back. When last we met, Ted barely squeezed out a victory. Congratulations!

ted

 

Next time we meet (in two weeks), we’ll be whiffing the worst thrash around. Bring me your lame political screeds, sloppy solos, and terribad vox.

This week, however, we’re whiffing any old thing. Let’s get to it.


W.

This was a thing, and not very long ago either.


Jack Bauer

Mega lolbuttz.


D. Lee

Ever been ear fucked by a mandingo dick wrapped in rusty barbed wire? Neither have I, but I’m sure the repeated whiff throughout this song is the closest it gets.


Esusmoose

You already know Papa Roach‘s reputation, but they one up how awful they truly can be here.  For instance, check in at 2:12 when everyone’s favorite singer Maria Brink finds the cold fusion of terribleness.


Ron Deuce

Skull and Bones is fighting the good fight. Telling you about conspiracy theories and stuff. They make 3rd world music videos to go along with their 3rd world riffs.


Gurp

You know what’s the least hard thing you can do when you play heavy music? Synchronized jumping up and down. What the fuck about standing stock fucking still and jumping in place like you’re trying to dislodge a stick from your toilethole is at all rousing? This is literally the whitest dance move ever. This is the only form of dancing you can do if you’re a Mormon.
Bonus points for the lamest pre-breakdown buildup ever at 1:03.


Ted Nü-Djent

TBH I’m more submitting this to share some keks. The song is awful but also oddly charming.


MoshOff

Did anyone catch Liturgy when they toured as a two piece? I did, and had a really hard time keeping a straight face. I guess I don’t know true art when I see/hear it (0:21 for maximum lolz, but really just the whole thing).


Nordling Rites ov Karhu

I had no strong feeling towards any direction concerning A Diadem of Dead Stars‘ debut.
It was a one man band I could see myself listening to if he/it managed to step his/it’s game up a notch or two.
On the nineteenth day of lousy Smarch, on our lord’s year 2015 – making this an actual whiff of the week – was unleashed upon the world a new song.

The title song of an upcoming EP, Pråfäning the Gröûnd, and boy was it boring.
FLUSH, Flush, and I mean FFLLUUSSHH!!


There you have it. Now you decide who lives or dies by the whiff.

Feel free to defend any of these choices in the comments section and tell me what a turd I am for my opinion. Also, if you hate something I love, send it to me for the next Whiff o’ the Week! All opinions here are strictly those of the writer in question, although most of them are correct.

(Photo VIA)

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