Whiff o’ the Week (3/22/15)

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“The senses, moving toward their appropriate objects, are producers of heat and cold, pleasure and pain, which come and go and are brief and changeable; these do thou endure, O son of Bharata!”

Endure with me, my friends. This is Whiff o’ the Week.

Greetings and welcome back. When last we met, Ted barely squeezed out a victory. Congratulations!

ted

 

Next time we meet (in two weeks), we’ll be whiffing the worst thrash around. Bring me your lame political screeds, sloppy solos, and terribad vox.

This week, however, we’re whiffing any old thing. Let’s get to it.


W.

This was a thing, and not very long ago either.


Jack Bauer

Mega lolbuttz.


D. Lee

Ever been ear fucked by a mandingo dick wrapped in rusty barbed wire? Neither have I, but I’m sure the repeated whiff throughout this song is the closest it gets.


Esusmoose

You already know Papa Roach‘s reputation, but they one up how awful they truly can be here.  For instance, check in at 2:12 when everyone’s favorite singer Maria Brink finds the cold fusion of terribleness.


Ron Deuce

Skull and Bones is fighting the good fight. Telling you about conspiracy theories and stuff. They make 3rd world music videos to go along with their 3rd world riffs.


Gurp

You know what’s the least hard thing you can do when you play heavy music? Synchronized jumping up and down. What the fuck about standing stock fucking still and jumping in place like you’re trying to dislodge a stick from your toilethole is at all rousing? This is literally the whitest dance move ever. This is the only form of dancing you can do if you’re a Mormon.
Bonus points for the lamest pre-breakdown buildup ever at 1:03.


Ted Nü-Djent

TBH I’m more submitting this to share some keks. The song is awful but also oddly charming.


MoshOff

Did anyone catch Liturgy when they toured as a two piece? I did, and had a really hard time keeping a straight face. I guess I don’t know true art when I see/hear it (0:21 for maximum lolz, but really just the whole thing).


Nordling Rites ov Karhu

I had no strong feeling towards any direction concerning A Diadem of Dead Stars‘ debut.
It was a one man band I could see myself listening to if he/it managed to step his/it’s game up a notch or two.
On the nineteenth day of lousy Smarch, on our lord’s year 2015 – making this an actual whiff of the week – was unleashed upon the world a new song.

The title song of an upcoming EP, Pråfäning the Gröûnd, and boy was it boring.
FLUSH, Flush, and I mean FFLLUUSSHH!!


There you have it. Now you decide who lives or dies by the whiff.

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 22-03-2015 09:00:00
end_date 23-03-2015 00:00:00
Poll Results:
Who lives or dies by the whiff.

Feel free to defend any of these choices in the comments section and tell me what a turd I am for my opinion. Also, if you hate something I love, send it to me for the next Whiff o’ the Week! All opinions here are strictly those of the writer in question, although most of them are correct.

(Photo VIA)

  • Is Skull and Bones zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz’s band?

    • Dr. Dubz

      Nah. Too digital.

    • i bought that album on Amazon, thinking it would bring the LOLZ. still can’t listen to more than two songs in one sitting.

  • Edward/Breegrodamus

    I’m always impressed by the featured images and intros to these. You’re a class act, Dubya.

    • Dr. Dubz

      What if I told you that I got this up this morning about 45 minutes before running it?

      • MoshOff

        DON’T BREAK THE ILLUSION

        • Dr. Dubz

          Haha, I would have done it last night, but my hike in Santa Fe took waaaaay longer than it should have and we got back to Texas late.

      • Edward/Breegrodamus

        I would both believe you and continue to be impressed, lol.

        I feel I should mention I detect a slow burning conflict between the skronk and the non-skronk members of the community here.

        • Stanley

          I’m watching….

          Edward, just having a bit of fun rustling some jimmies. One of the best things about the Toilet is being exposed to all sorts of new music. Something’s you dig, something’s not so much. If we all had the same tastes, there’d be nothing to learn. Skronk!

          • Dr. Dubz

            Masterpants just filled me in on what I missed. I like you, Stanley. You’ve got chutzpah.

            On another note, my body hurts more today than it has in a long, long time.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            That’s not the only thing that happened, lol.

          • Dr. Dubz

            Well then, don’t keep it to yourself, Ed.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            I try to notice trends in our community, right? Right.

            So over the past few weeks I have seen a few things.

            One: a few people were talking up Thantifaxath’s album from last year, here or on the Facetube, and a few others were like yuck, it was skronky not my jam at all.

            Two: recently I was talking with someone on the Facetube about The Mother of Virtues (I think Bear God), and a few people came out and were like ugh, that album is not really that great, never liked it, and by extension I’m including you in this Edward. I can’t remember any kind of Virtues backlash from last year. I didn’t know if the same people didn’t like it last year or if this was a new development.

            Three: lately in the comments on here, a few members have vocally spoken out against skronk in general.

            Now, I’m not the biggest fan of skronk in the group but I do enjoy it and of course a few of my favorite albums in the last couple years were pretty skronky (Colored Sands, The Mother of Virtues, I’m gonna throw Abyssal Gods in this pile for effect, Death Grips being the skronk of rap, etc) so it’s just something I will have to keep an eye on for the foreseeable future. Lol.

          • Dr. Dubz

            Don’t sweat it. Labyrinth Constellation was our top album of 2014. Some people like it, but some don’t. I think Pyrrhon was just a bit too much for a lot of people.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            Holy shit, good point.

            It’s still worth noting what people are into since I am ostensibly a music blogger. I had an interesting discussion with Molenaar yesterday about the divide between fans of mainstream hip hop and underground hip hop, like when that divide happened and when there stopped being an obvious divide lately. I remember both camp’s reactions to El-P’s I’ll Sleep When You’re Dead (also pretty skronky haha) when it was released in 2007 and there was still an obvious divide between fans of both mainstream and “underground”.

          • Dr. Dubz

            The mainstream vs. underground hip hop debate can be even more hostile than battles over metal subgenres. I think one group in the crowd is often referred to as “backpackers.”

            That said, I still think Drake is the weakest rapper I’ve heard in a long, long time.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            Honestly, I think the rise of Kanye West lessened the divide between the two groups. It seems to work out in my mind timeline wise, since I think over the last five or six years or so it has been pretty commonplace for people to like both and hate each other less. Everyone loved his first album, which came out in 2004. I think as he kept releasing albums people kept liking them until 808s & Heartbreaks which of course divided people on him.

            Backpacker can be used as an insult or a term of endearment, haha.

            The Wu-Tang Clan have always been an exception to the rule as they have been admired and respected by both sides.

          • I’m in the underground camp in that debate although something decent squeaks through every now and then in the mainstream that I can get behind.

          • Dr. Dubz

            I actually like Kanye, but I tend to fall in the underground as well.

          • He rubs me the wrong way with his self entitled antics. I can’t separate the artist from the person.

          • Pyrrhon was a bit of a surprise for me, because it was labeled as this ultradense, hostile, challenging, unfriendly etc record but I liked it after the first 30 seconds. Just listened to it again yesterday.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            I have revisited it a couple of times since I have been playing Abyssal Gods a fair amount and they share rhythm sectons. Loved it when it came out, still love it. I would venture to say it is a fairly difficult album even by extreme music standards, but I totally agree with your sentiment.

          • DARKBEARD

            I just picked up Jenny Death and I can’t stand it. I guess I can’t like anything by Death Grips after Exmilitary.

            On another more positive note, I also happened upon a copy of the new Katatonia album *wink wink*

          • Dr. Dubz

            I think Exmilitary was their most straightforward rap album.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            Absolutely.

          • DARKBEARD

            Yeah, everything afterward is more . . . electronica, for lack of a better word.

          • Dr. Dubz

            It definitely gets that way. Especially Government Plates.

          • DARKBEARD

            Man, and I’m even disappointed by this new Kendrick Lamar. Let’s hope the new Action Bronson will sate my hip-hop needs.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            At first I thought Kendrick’s new album was “too long”, since my normal modus operandi of listening to music is just listening to it and growing moss. Then I put it on with company over and disregarded its length. It has grown on me a lot over the past few days.

          • DARKBEARD

            I wouldn’t call it too long, if you’ve been listening to his past records. They’re all pretty long-form. My issue with Kendrick is that after good kid, m.A.A.d. city, he’s attempted to get more and more “avant-garde.” It’s almost the same as in the underground metal world nowadays. Like, rather than make an album that does what the genre does best, everyone’s trying to prove they’re an “artiste.” What they make is usually just a camel.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            Molenaar explained this to me, so I can’t take credit for actually knowing it, but, I guess the musicians he brought in to make To Pimp A Butterfly actually essentially already made that album musically on an album called Black Radio. I need to check out Black Radio, which I will do soon because I have a bunch of free time coming up. Since I could not make that connection on my own, I have to say I like the beats a lot.

          • DARKBEARD

            I guess that makes a little more sense, but I can’t follow you on enjoying these beats.

          • EsusMoose

            Was this the album he was talking about? Gave it a listen I really like it, they do a cover of Smells Like Teen Spirit which is fantastic (coming from someone who is not a fan of Nirvana) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqkVeytyifM

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            I’m pretty sure it is because I am pretty sure the guy’s name is Robert Glasper.

          • I checked Kendrick Lamar to see what all the hype was about. Good beats but the actual sound of his voice is annoying. That’s a deal breaker for me.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            I’ve seen / heard that a lot about him, seems fair if it’s not your jam.

          • Action Bronson is streaming over at this link. I don’t want to ruin it for you but I’m kind of disappointed. Not ready to flush it yet but it’s circling the drain.

            http://www.rapfavorites.net/action-bronson-mr-wonderful-stream/

          • DARKBEARD

            Fucking go figure. Hip hop has been super disappointing to me recently.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            Listen to old jams!

          • DARKBEARD

            Meh, maybe I’ll just blast some Blind Guardian when I do back/triceps today.

            Hansi never disappoints me.

          • Dr. Dubz

            His voice could lift mountains. What did you think of their newest?

          • DARKBEARD

            It’s everything a person could want in a Blind Guardian album. Its over the top glorious. I wish I could see them live again.

          • If you’re up for some 90’s styled hip hop I highly recommend anything produced by Apollo Brown. If you like this song song, explore everything he’s put out. That will keep you busy for a while.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RECzLG35Ubg

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            I’m familiar with Apollo Brown (somewhat) but never heard / heard of this track. Now playing.

          • Most of the MC’s he works with are serviceable but in a lot of cases the beats outshine the lyrics. If you dig, I’ll pass along some more recommendations.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            I’m streaming that Action Bronson you posted before I have to walk out the door, lol.

            Yeah. Do it up. I can also use Google. I’m sure when I do I’ll know more about what I know from him, as I have been a little out of that game but it’s coming back strong.

          • Apollo Brown and Ghostface – 12 Reason To Die: The Brown Tape

            The original album was done with a live band so he just took Ghost’s vocals and put beats behind. I like it better than original album because the lyrics stand out more.
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPVbUVRLUsg&spfreload=10

            Guilty Simpson and Apollo Brown – Dice Game, this one has a ton of good songs, probably my favorite. Listen to the very beginning of C.R.E.AM. from the Wu Tang, that’s where the beat is from.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7owc9WS2hG4&spfreload=10

            Apollo Brown and Ras Kass – Blasphemy – probably the best MC he’s worked with thus far so there’s a lot of good verses on this one.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2gVAeMCu4Xg&spfreload=10

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            Death Is Certain is an underrated juggernaut in rap.

            I feel like I listened to 12 Reasons To Die once but it’s not sticking in my mind. I did check out that other new Ghostface jazz band rap project and it was tight.

          • I haven’t gotten around to that one yet but it’s on the list. I’m sure it’s good, Ghostface has yet to disappoint me.

          • Royce Da 5′ 9″? Checking it out right now. The beat on the 1st song is my kind of jam.

          • The Beargod

            Edboy, as I have been outta the game for quite long. Concerning hip hop that is. Would you mind recommending some of the better albums of last few years that aren’t Death Grips.

          • Dr. Dubz

            I rather enjoyed Atmosphere’s Southsiders.

          • The Beargod

            Never heard that name. Will check.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            A trio of my favorite hip hop albums are:

            El-P’s I’ll Sleep When You’re Dead (skronk rap, srs, very avant garde as far as rap is concerned)

            Leak Bros Waterworld (concept album about PCP, two emcees, dark and both dudes on top of their game)

            Cannibal Ox’s The Cold Vein (ahead of its time classic also produced by El-P)

            I would highly recommend all three and then ask me again or branch out from that camp. Helpful?

          • The Beargod

            Yessir, I shall venture into these.

          • JamesGrimm
          • DARKBEARD

            I’ve been following Busdriver for a long time. This is the only good song on that album. Probably because it has Danny Brown on it (with an actually good verse)

          • JamesGrimm

            DB is pretty tight. Did you hit up Skelethon?

          • DARKBEARD

            No, I hadn’t heard it. I’ll give it a spin when I get back this afternoon.

          • JamesGrimm

            it’s tittys and beer.

          • DARKBEARD

            That’s always a positive.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            The singing on “B. a light in the Addict” on here is super tight.

          • I have to listen to it a few more times before I can officially decide if I hate it or not.

          • The Beargod

            I liked the Lamar very much. Probably for the same reasons you don’t. It’s organic and un-hiphoppy in a sense.

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            I liked the Kendrick Lamar quite a bit. The new Wu album and the new Ice Cube albums were disappointin though.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            That’s appropriate.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            I see what you did with that *wink* there.

            I loved Jenny Death on my first listen. I’m going to listen again, well probably tomorrow I have the family and girlfriend to attend to momentarily. I also listened to the three advance songs a crapload of times.

          • I want to hear that Katatonia <3

          • Stanley

            Why, thank you.

            *goes off to google chutzpah to make sure it’s not an insult.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            Great word.

            chutz·pah
            ˈho͝otspə,ˈKHo͝otspə/
            noun
            informal

            noun: chutzpah; noun: chutzpa; plural noun: chutzpas; noun: hutzpah; plural noun: hutzpahs; noun: hutzpa; plural noun: hutzpas
            shameless audacity; impudence.synonyms:audacity, cheek, guts, nerve, boldness, temerity
            “it took a lot of chutzpah for her to walk in on Owen’s bachelor party”

          • Stanley

            My body hurts doing anything other than sitting on the couch. Luckily the human body is very adaptable and only improves as you beat it into submission. How mighty was this hike of yours? Whenever I go hiking my butt kills me for days. Maybe I’m doing it wrong?

          • Dr. Dubz

            My wife and I have been trying to figure it out, but we think we hiked about 16 miles in like 6 hours above Santa Fe’s elevation (so somewhere around 8000 to 9000 ft). Some of it was through knee-deep snow.

          • Stanley

            Ouch. I bet your lower half is screaming. How does it feel going downstairs?

          • Dr. Dubz

            It hurts. Basically my hips, glutes, and quads are screaming. It didn’t help that I carried out backpack most of the way, or that it was heavier than I would have liked.

          • Stanley

            That sounds all too familiar. That’s how my legs were after last weeks marathon. I’m feeling a lot better now and I’m about to head out for my first run since. Time to get back on the wagon.

          • Dr. Dubz

            I’m dreading running tonight or tomorrow (whenever I do), but I’m certain it will be good for me.

          • Dr. Dubz

            At least we can both agree on Embrional (which, IMO, has a wee bit o’ the dissonance).

        • Dr. Dubz
          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—

            Because I was not a Socialist.

            Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak
            out—

            Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

            Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—

            Because I was not a Jew.

            Then they came for Skronk Fans — and there was no one left
            to speak for me.

          • The Beargod

            Did you take this from somewhere?

            Also it was bound to haopen, we feature so much skronk.

          • Dr. Dubz

            Nailed it. It doesn’t help that bands that don’t sound like Gorguts get compared to Gorguts either.

          • The Beargod

            Also the rise of dissonant BM or at least more BM-y stuff. Now I am not a bighuge skronk fan but few albums do sound really good to me, but in the end I don’t think the whole skronk is even half as descriotive as djent, which is not wildly descriotive either.

          • Dr. Dubz

            Also good points. The sound is really, really hard to nail down and likely subjective too. I suppose we all just need to be okay with the fact that we aren’t all going to like the same things.

            Weirdly, I think my favorite newer release at the moment is a bizarre death/doom album that has a ton of ambiance.

          • The Beargod

            Uuuhhh. Mind spilling that. Smells exactly like Beargod. Or is it an upcoming/promo?

          • Dr. Dubz

            Promo, mijo. I’m going to be giving it some coverage soon, but I’ll message you a link to their older stuff.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            Bear God this is a famous poem / statement whatever it is, I just changed out “me” for “Skronk Fan”. Think it was from a minister around the time of WWII and Naziism.

          • The Beargod

            I thought it looked familiar.

          • Max

            “But the joke was on them cuz there are no Skronk Fans.”

        • Dr. Dubz

          Also, did something go down while I was on vacay?

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            I’ve been keeping my ears to the streets.

          • JamesGrimm

            and your soul to the beats?

        • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

          I’m a non skronker. I prefer what I prefer and that won’t change.

          • Wait. I wouldn’t have skronked ten or even five years ago, and I’m still not a full-fledged skronkazoid, but I’m acquiring a taste for it. Partially thanks to this here porcelain wonderland.

          • Dr. Dubz

            Many of our tastes are fluid, and it seems a bit silly to not acknowledge that.

          • “Silly” is a diplomatic way to put it. Kudos.

            Don’t know about you, but the fluidity of my taste is just about my only admirable character trait.

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            I like technical music. I just don’t like skronk.

      • Scrimm

        Sometimes that’s when the best stuff happens.

  • B00mhauer

    Bands that sound like Liturgy really shouldn’t play large venues like that, even in a festival setting. Holy SHIT that did not translate well. Whats next, Ruins of Beverast in a football stadium? Ruins of Beverast don’t completely blow though, so I’d still pay to see it.

    • Dr. Dubz

      I actually think it’s pretty wise that a lot of black metal bands don’t play live.

      • Edward/Breegrodamus

        I bet the newest version of Krieg would be tight live.

        • Between The Buried & Smee

          Two years ago I saw the ultimate ToH show of Broken Hope with Weekend Nachos, Krieg, and Harm’s Way. All slayed, and the singer from Harm’s Way’s fly was down their entire set.

          • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

            That’s a pretty odd lineup–especially Krieg. I can see Broken Hope with the hardcore/powerviolence (cause slams and breakdowns and grooves), but Krieg is the odd man out there.

          • Between The Buried & Smee

            It was pretty much a “bands that are technically too big to be called local” show

      • B00mhauer

        For sure, though I have seen some good ones. The more brutal, blasting acts turn out well, per my experience. I saw Marduk once. I still can’t find my face, which is why I wear a gimp mask out in public.

        • Dr. Dubz

          I wasn’t saying all BM bands for sure. There are definitely some that shouldn’t, though.

          • The Beargod

            I think if a BM band learns to pull it only Maiden is a better live show. And two Finnish bands that’d not say anything to you, but are at least Maiden kevel live bands. But the point is the first sentence.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            So you’re not on board with my Summoning tour petition?

          • Dr. Dubz

            Cybro, I’m on board with anything you do.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            ❦❦❦❦❦

    • MoshOff

      It was truly a sight to behold a bunch of people getting the fuck away from that stage not long after it started. I stayed cause I was having fun lol.

  • Oh boy. Everybody wins this week. But in the interest of civic duty, I had to vote Bauer. All of the whiffs were bad, but this one was an overflowing cornucopia of inadvertent awfulness.

    • My favorite part is that there appears to be at least two guys in that band whose is just to stand around and do gang shouts.

      • Those be dancers.

      • CyberneticOrganism

        Entourage, yo *keyboard flip* SEXT ME

  • D. Lee

    I think i’ll give it to Of Temples for those lolbuttz dance moves. Also, HOLY SHIT IS THAT AXL ROSENBERG DRUMMING FOR SKULL AND BONES???

  • So many assy riffs.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      ‘Assy’ is an adjective that needs to be used more often.

      • Guacamole Jim

        Stabbed for great justice.

        • CyberneticOrganism

          You know what you doing.

      • I use it all the time in real life.

  • EsusMoose

    A few thoughts:
    W.Wubwubwubwubwuuuuubangstwubwuuub
    Bauer: rapping angsty thin slipknot. They even have a worthless member who does “percussion”
    D.Lee: It sounds like it could have been just a bad but catchy rock song and then they added the sound of dragging nails on a blackboard.
    Ron Deuce: Just like ..And Justice for All, there is no audible bass but the drummer is much better than the small danish prophet.
    Gurp: Someone’s gonna get a good soaking after they play at the local church’s battle of the bands and it’s not like no one crabcores anymore
    Ted Nu-djent: That man should not be proud of wearing tight pants or saying he thinks all the time because that was just bad.
    MoshOff: Reasons Liturgy gets hate, they look they are masturbating on stage.
    NROV: Oddly soothing, but nothing happens.

    • Maik Beninton

      The truth.
      You have spoken the truth.

  • Scrimm

    It’s hard to vote against anything other that EsusMoose’s just because of that singers ridicuously douchey face. Seriously starting to challenge you know who for my most hated band ever. If I ever see that guy in person you guys have my word that I will punch him, as long as I have a glove handy to avoid the herpes.

    • EsusMoose

      If you want to hate them more they’ve started to incorporate elements of djent into some new songs, mostly some tone stuff like that heavy bottom, spacey top mixing some groups live by but I didn’t have the will to listen to their new stuff long enough to find it.

      • Scrimm

        I also lack the will to listen to more than a few seconds.

    • Edward/Breegrodamus

      Scrimm I dunno if I know who your most hated band ever is.

      • Scrimm

        Really? it’s been pretty run into the ground by some people lol. That band would be Van Halen.

        • Edward/Breegrodamus

          Oh, sure. I must have seen some of that back and forth.

          • Scrimm

            Our good buddy GL had a field day with it. McNulty too.

        • phasers set to maximum jimmy rustlage.

          • Scrimm

            Good.

  • DARKBEARD

    JB gets my vote.

    • It’s impossible to watch that “drummer” with out bursting out laughing.

      • DARKBEARD

        The whole thing is abominable. Seriously, every facet of it.

      • Scrimm

        Or projectile vomiting.

  • Scrimm

    Ron Deuce, LOLBUTTZ

    • LobsterAttack

      That one got my vote. Reality is so much stranger than fiction.

  • That’s actually the only Pop Evil song Iike, because it sounds great in my car.

  • Formerly Known As Oli Sykes

    W. wins.

    Korn, I like your early material and all, but leave wub-wub-core to the experts, OK.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUnNW-nbots

    Still the only genuinely good wub-wub-core band.

    • Maik Beninton

      This video is so lolz. But this is great stuff.

      • Formerly Known As Oli Sykes

        Enter Shikari are a great band, very consistent, very smart and they genuinely know how to mix metal, hardcore and electronic music really well.

        I even like their Crabcore first record, even if it is more for nostalgia, there are some bangers on there.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P4MiC67seUY

  • I’m leaning towards Of Temples, the Frat Bro attire along with filming your video right off the Interstate highway speaks volumes about the collective IQ of these idiots.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Do they realize how fucking lolbuttz they look jumping up and down like that?

      No. No they do not.

  • JamesGrimm

    Jesus, that was bad…… I hhhaaattteeeee the Pop Evil song….

    • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

      I hate Pop Evil

      • Maik Beninton

        Listening to them the first time.
        They sound like Shinedown.

  • Shrimp in a Pizza Box

    First comment on this blog after lurking for months, wee.
    Anyway, these whiffs are probably the most lolbuttz i’ve ever seen on Whiff of the Week, you guys need to tell me what the hell you go through every week to dig up this kind of stuff.

    • Dr. Dubz

      It’s a horrifying process for me. I don’t even want to know what these other cats are doing.

      Also, welcome and glad to see you commenting!

      • D. Lee

        my roomate is a treasure trove of lolbuttz music, it’s really quite horrifying to live with

        • Shrimp in a Pizza Box

          Sounds like my sister, Sleeping with Sirens FLUSH.

          • I saw sleeping with sirens once. I had never heard of them so I had no idea what I was getting into. Wanted to locker thier singer bro SO BAD.

          • Shrimp in a Pizza Box

            I actually wondered for about 3 weeks if the singer was male or female, even after looking at his face lol.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Dani Filth Syndrome

          • Formerly Known As Oli Sykes

            If you think that’s bad, you should look at Davey Havok from AFI.
            I used to think he was a girl with a stage name judging from the vids for Girls Not Grey and The Leaving Song Part 2. Even now he has a quiff and beard I still get confused as to whether or not he is a man.

          • Formerly Known As Oli Sykes

            There are two ways a lead singer can sound like a girl, it can be in the way Anthony Green does, where it sounds feminine, but not whiny and annoying. Then there’s the way Kellin Cunt and Vic Fuckface do, where they sound like their just exiting the womb.

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            You think that’s bad? My sister only likes pop punk and not good pop punk either.

          • JWG
          • Lacertilian

            Good pop punk?
            Has that ever existed?
            *insert skeptical reptilian jpg*

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            I don’t know.

        • EsusMoose

          I don’t know how you do it

          • D. Lee

            he’s got the FFDP double album case all folded out and displayed neatly on the table in his bedroom, if that’s any indication

          • EsusMoose

            Awful, just awful

          • CyberneticOrganism

            I need a pic of that plz

          • D. Lee

            Take note the collection of camochevybro head hear, and Seether album as well

          • CyberneticOrganism

            *applause, slams Natty Lite*

            Can I use this in the next Bro chapter?

          • D. Lee

            There’s gonna be another bro chapter???? Take it!

          • CyberneticOrganism

            *high five*

          • Holy shit how can you breathe the same oxygen as him.

    • Howdy. Is your moniker a euphemism for something unseemly, or just an unfortunate food snafu?

      • Shrimp in a Pizza Box

        It’s just a random mix of words I came up with because I needed an username, never realized how much of an euphemism it could be.

        • I’d say my mind is in the gutter, but . . . I think my mind IS THE GUTTER.

    • EsusMoose

      An old friend from high was talking about how a new papa roach was his jam so I clicked the link, it was bad. When I saw it was a WoW with no restrictions I went back and looked through the songs that were available. There I saw (feat. Maria brink) and knew if there was a way to win, it was the key

    • CyberneticOrganism

      WELCOME TO THE BOWL

      • Shrimp in a Pizza Box

        THANKS, ORGANISM. DO WE USUALLY SHOUT THIS MUCH IN HERE?

        • CyberneticOrganism

          WHAT?!

          • Shrimp in a Pizza Box

            WHO?!

          • CyberneticOrganism

            I SAID YOU’RE LOUD FOR A SHRIMP!

          • Shrimp in a Pizza Box

            THANKS, I LIKE YOUR SHIRT TOO!

          • CyberneticOrganism

            NO I ALREADY SHIT TODAY

        • Stanley

          YES, ESPECIALLY WHEN WE ARE DEFENDING OUR UNSHAKABLE MUSICAL BELIEFS.

    • DARKBEARD

      WELCOME TO THE FLUSHING TOILET

    • Stanley

      You need to find an image of a shrimp in a pizza box for your avatar. As it needs to be SFW, you might struggle.

    • LobsterAttack

      Greetings, fellow crustacean!

      • Stanley

        I love a good seafood buffet.

        • Guacamole Jim

          Things are getting hot and heavy up in this bitch.

    • You have to sift through a lot of mediocre crap until you are either laughing uncontrollably at it or you are just so furious that it exists. That’s when you know you’ve got something.

    • Formerly Known As Oli Sykes

      Welcome. I hope your stay at the toilet is lengthy and enjoyable.

    • Scrimm

      Welcome.

    • JWG

      I am impressed, although also naturally perplexed, by those who willingly use up their Sunday morning/afternoon thinking up submissions for the next week. Life is way too short to waste it on terrible music, even if just for the purposes of selecting a WOTW from a few recently accidentally-stumbled-upon stinkers.

      Random, completely unrelated, bonus GIF:
      https://33.media.tumblr.com/952c35df12c294475b99a9b892544c0b/tumblr_mvg4pnI3D21r1cqpko1_500.gif

      • Dr. Dubz

        Often the ones I and others submit are things we encountered during the week unintentionally.

        • JWG

          Considering that I rarely go looking for new music myself, and usually let TOvH and AMG guide me, this makes lots of sense. You suffer so that I may not…

          • Dr. Dubz

            For you and the other constituents of this toilet, I gladly pay that price.

    • Finding good ‘core/djent music is a perilous journey.

    • ¡Bienvenido!

    • pleased to meet you! dig the username and avatar.

  • Edward/Breegrodamus

    I just picked this up with real money. Need to listen later.

    https://crowhurst.bandcamp.com/album/crowhurst

    • Whoa, where did these guys come from? I might need this. The drums sound fantastic. Like real drums.

      Don’t know why, but this reminds me a bit of that last Atriarch album. And just a tiny bit of Bosse-de-Nage. Must be the drums.

      • Edward/Breegrodamus

        One of the dudes in this band is a noise artist and I think the mantle for that was Crowhurst but he formed a band under that name and switched the noise stuff to Girl 27.

  • JamesGrimm
    • Please stop it. I can’t take anymore whiffage. I’m already too low.

      (Why with the Japanese (?) text all over the place?)

      • The Beargod

        Their thing is looking lile Japanese and drawing inspiratin from anime/manga of all sorts while playing something akin to shittiest NYHC

        • I cannot condone this.

          Cannot, or WILL not?

          Um . . . both?

        • EsusMoose

          So they’re weeaboos

          • The Beargod

            Jup.

          • DARKBEARD

            Fucking weeaboos give a bad name to us otakus

          • EsusMoose

            indeed DankBeard now it’s time to rewatch/watch all gainax shows and wonder on their clearly deep symbolism.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            FLCL or GTFO

          • EsusMoose

            aka Evangelion squashed into 2 hours. I”M GUESSING YOU’RE STUCK IN LOUD MODE, FLCL TIS TRES BUENO. I think that’s both french and spanish but I wouldn’t know

          • CyberneticOrganism

            I really know nothing about anime, I saw one episode of FLCL awhile back and it looked kinda weird/spastic/cool.

          • EsusMoose

            Fun show, as I said it’s only about 2 hours total but great ride. Pretty sure it’s all on youtube sub or dub. I’d recommend it

          • Chicken Tender Gulag O Love

            Check out Paprika. Strange as hell film, but an excellent one. Also has some awesome dreampop on the soundtrack.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yn7U1KIGeuQ

          • DARKBEARD

            I honestly haven’t watched an anime in years. But I can fap to hot cosplays and call myself an otaku.

          • EsusMoose

            I only in the last year got back into it after not caring about for 3 or so years and before that I was casual about watching things. I wouldn’t consider you an otaku but you do you

          • Chicken Tender Gulag O Love

            There’s actually quite a lot of good anime that’s come out over the last couple of years. I still rarely watch it, though.

            http://i.imgur.com/t1kZPFW.gif

          • EsusMoose

            I’ve caught up on a fair bit, don’t care enough to watch everything people recommend or name drop

        • CyberneticOrganism

          New Yawk Hahdcoah

    • DARKBEARD

      This might’ve gotten my vote. This is terribad.

      • JamesGrimm

        They got press in Terrorizer.

        • DARKBEARD

          Should’ve gotten pressed in a meat grinder

        • Chicken Tender Gulag O Love

          Love the magazine, but their forum board easily gives Fail For Blogs a run for their money. It’s one huge centrifuge of racists, knuckledraggers and carpophiliacs.

          • JamesGrimm

            so, the internet?

          • Chicken Tender Gulag O Love

            Still not as bad as Youtube’s comments section. How someone brings up the whole Obama birther thing in a Hammerfall comment section is beyond me.

          • JamesGrimm

            vveerrryyyyy carefully……lol

          • Chicken Tender Gulag O Love
    • EsusMoose

      That was so fucking awful. BoWAHAHAHA, is gonna be scratched into my ears

    • CyberneticOrganism

      “Guys! Guys! Hey guys!!! For the last time get out of the goddamned gym! The volleyball team has to set up in 5 minutes!”

      • JamesGrimm

        LOL

  • CyberneticOrganism

    A shitty band at a Swedish castle featuring a girl exercising. Makes total sense.

  • Spear

    Skull and Bones was certainly, uh, something.

    • Shrimp in a Pizza Box
      • DARKBEARD

        you only need to put in the link.

        • Shrimp in a Pizza Box

          Already edited it out, 3fast5you.

          • DARKBEARD

            I’m gonna have to start taking screen shots of your mistakes, as I do with the Tapir.

          • Dr. Dubz

            I did it to Stockhausen because he’s notorious at catching other people’s errors.

          • DARKBEARD

            Well, he can see it all from another plane of existence. So, it’s a little unfair.

      • Spear

        It’s definitely fishman-tier levels of unnatural and horrifying.

      • Chicken Tender Gulag O Love

        Upvoting for the name!

  • J.R.

    Almost voted Esusmoose but you know, I couldnt take that band seriously, so I could vote against them. It’s like making fun of kids for doing cringy shit. what do they know?

    But Gurps pic…ugh. man. There is the 800 pound brony MRA basement fedora monster I can laugh out without feeling bad.

    What should I do with my Sunday, bros? I have an art project I can do (that is about music, interestingly enough. Will share if interest) or I can play some vidya, nap, Toilet Post (T.P. hmm) …give me direction!

    • Dr. Dubz

      What’s this art project?

      • J.R.

        Well it looks like ass. Anyways.
        Looks like we are conveying the rhythm of a song of our choosing through shape and color. “Pleb tier baby’s first art project” aside, I think this will be an excellent opportunity to reveal my power level and astound my fellow students with how trve I have become.
        I was tempted to formally submit an article about music and art and stuff, explore album art or packaging visuals and their impact. Maybe I wanted the rest of the Toilet Collective to explore this assignment with me, growing as friends and developing more connections with the music we love. Maybe I wanted the “Categories” of all our articles to start with an A for Art Shit, and not a B.
        Have at it ya’ll. Suggest me some kvlt tunez to destroy my poser classmates with.

        • I don’t know how relevant this is but I often find that the color(s) on an album’s cover tend to influence my overall perception of the music’s “color”. If that makes any damn sense. (So…maybe album art unfairly taints the purity of the initial listening experience?…)

          • J.R.

            Definitely! An albums presentation certainly bleeds over into the music, for me. It’s all part of the same atmosphere, if you will. If I sat here at my computer and blasted away some Noble Beast and its art was just black fog, The disconnect would probably be enough to turn me off.
            Actually yeah right now Im jamming some Noble Beast and this music program keeps showing some hipster kid who made an album with the same name, so I find myself changing the song because that visual element is tainting my aural experience.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            100% makes sense. I was going to mention that in the FF article I just did but left it out for some reason.

          • What’s an FF article?

            *Coughs into fist to divert attention from blatant ignorance*

          • CyberneticOrganism
          • You cylons always know the way to a villain’s heart. (Through the armholes.)

            But seriously, where can I buy a mural-sized tapestry of this for my wall(s)?

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            I’d assume it was an article on Fear Factory

          • Max

            It makes TOTAL sense to me; I do the same thing. And yes, for some people (not necessarily myself) album art can taint the purity of the listening experience.

            Bear in mind, studies have shown that the taste of food can be affected by the colour of the crockery it’s served on. All of the senses are co-dependent to an extent.

        • Dr. Dubz

          Sounds like an interesting project. I’d definitely be interested in reading about this. It would be cool if there was a web-app that could detect rhythm changes in what we’re listening to.

          • J.R.

            I’ll probably return to this comment chain after I complete the assignment and let you all know what I came up with. Might just pick the most fuzzy, ambient, fetid, droney, hazy, death song and paint the whole paper black.

        • Dr. Dubz

          Am I correct in understanding that you’d want to write about how the rhythm of the music we listen to affects our mood?

          • J.R.

            When I got the assignment, I was really feeling…pushed (?) to start something maybe analyzing the visual elements of the music we all like. So album art, logos, all that. There is no question though that rhythm is a contributing factor in how our music makes us feel (That is, if music makes you feel at all, to you robots out there,) and while I do not feel like starting a column about Art or psychological effects of music, hey man we can chat it out here in this comment thread until the world ends.

        • Max

          The easy way out of this would be to simply pick a song that features drums only. That way you just put down a dot or other shape every time a drum or cymbal is struck. It’s pretty similar to the display that is shown on a typical drum machine when you program it. So for example, Dave Lombardo’s opening drum beat in “Angel of Death” would look like:

          kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
          s s s s s s s s s s s s
          r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r

          (lol, my typing isn’t quantizing properly!)

          Obviously, k = kick drum, s = snare drum, r = ride cymbal.

          You can probably find musical notation for the drum parts of popular songs online, and even if you can’t read sheet music, it’s still pretty easy to figure out what’s going on and base an illustration on that – which is really all the assignment appears to be asking you to do anyway. Naturally you’d wanna choose some shapes that are a bit more “arty” to represent the notes and pitches than just K, S, or R.

          If you were to do this with a complex song that features different types of blast beats and stuff, I’m pretty sure the teacher would be impressed.

        • I can ‘feel’ geometric shapes, some flavors and colors, but only if I really concentrate.

          If the album cover is good and the color scheme match the music, it’s a bonus, but sometimes, some songs doesn’t match with it.

          For example: Trains from Porcupine Tree, for me, isn’t blue like the cover of In Absentia, but, instead is mustard and brown, with very fluffy shapes like clouds. But Gravity Eyelids is very menacing, purple with shades of blue.

          I think you just have to close your eyes while listening the piece you have and then make the interpretations. You can paint, I think.

          Good luck with your work!

          • J.R.

            You’ve got some crazy synesthesia going on there, friend. I plan on sitting down…well right now actually and seeing what I sketch out, so we will see how that goes.

          • Well, I didn’t born with it, so I don’t know if that is synesthesia.

            A friend, who’s a singer, told me once that she developed that too. We call it artistic sensibility.

          • My best of wishes with your project. Share it if you want! I would like to see it n-n).

  • CyberneticOrganism

    These are all seriously bad but I had to go with MoshOff. Fuck Liturgy and their philosophic transcendental motherfuckery with a spiked kvlt pole.

    http://wallpaper.metalship.org/images/immortal9.jpg

  • Mother Shabubu III

    Kim Jong showed me this last week. Worst nu metal in a while coupled with best concept for a video ever: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUO9SNCBL6U

    • This is hilarious, the latin tongue roll before the chorus had me dying.

    • Chicken Tender Gulag O Love

      Consider that song a punishment from a past life! Napalm’s got tons of lolbuttz on their current roster, but Kontrust is easily the worst. It looks like they’re filming a Ricola commercial.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0SYJsUhNDnk

      • Mother Shabubu III
        • Chicken Tender Gulag O Love

          Good god, this is so much buttz! Sounds like god awful Bollywood music (ps, Bollywood movies are AWFUL!)

  • Guacamole Jim

    I’m going to be honest and say that the Korn album had one good tune. Jonathan Davis’ lolbuttzical vocals aside, this song is rocking. The only cool cut on the entire album.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9RNVPAAvzY&spfreload=10

  • Guacamole Jim

    Holy hell, Ron Deuce. That was atrocious.

  • DARKBEARD

    Purge the whiff demons.

    https://youtu.be/5YV0MwdoNTU

  • Ted Nü-Djent ™

    Cheers for the votes last week. You really do love me. It was between Bauer and D Lee this week but D.Lee wins out in the end.Not even Nickelback should have a Nickelback sound, lest bands be influenced by them.

  • Simon “Djentcrusher” Phoenix

    Worst thrash riff? I knew this was coming. Do your worst.

    (To be fair there are a lot of terrible thrash bands out there.)

  • Simon “Djentcrusher” Phoenix

    Also, Ron Deuce wins. I can play guitar better than that chucklehead.

  • J.R.

    Speaking of Whiffs: The Walking Dead? Flush. Apparently I’m watching this episode like a normie. At least I won’t have my phone blowing up with messages of “noooooo”, since I’m here first hand. NormieGF says hi and loves this show, so all of you who don’t agree with me (i.e. posers) can get rekt.

  • Paris Hilton

    I would take a “Whiff” of Maria Brink doe. If ya know what I mean!!!!

  • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    good times–friends—spoiled ass bitches—and just having fun–

    muticolored jewels and lightes—and the fire—futuristic eternal “campfire”–updated with technology –each generation—known by all—yet still always the same–and brilliant

    as astral infinity–begins to break

    and the consent of the chippawa
    all 3 at once–full vol
    https://youtu.be/iPfxx9xgeyA

    https://youtu.be/jhjEp4YBo7g

    https://youtu.be/9vST6hVRj2A

  • Necrobono
    • DARKBEARD

      Oh snap

    • Chicken Tender Gulag O Love

      Good, wholesome family friendly entertainment!

  • Chicken Tender Gulag O Love

    Good god, these are some upper deckers! Esusmoose and Papa Herpes got my vote, though.

  • Chicken Tender Gulag O Love

    Supreme lolbuttz! How Paul Di’Anno’s new dvd even got that high of a rating is beyond me.

    http://www.blabbermouth.net/dvdreviews/the-beast-arises/

  • Chicken Tender Gulag O Love

    Sliding this steaming hot pile of billy goat poo on over for some maximum whiffage!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DIAGDPHp9gE

  • Myra Esoteric

    first of all Diadem of Dead Stars is named after a WiTTR song (Diadem of 12 stars)…. Lol