Whiff o’ the Week (2/1/2015)

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“Go, then. There are other worlds than these.”

Release from life. This is Whiff o’ the Week.

For the second week in a row, you have made me exceptionally proud and chosen Fred Durst. I’m glad to see him recognized for what he is: just the worst. All glory to the Guacamole.

guac

Effective after today’s Whiff contest (because I still want you to vote for my pal Ellipsis if you see fit), NO MORE FRED DURST entries. It’s just too easy, like submitting Iron Maiden for Riff ov the Week. Besides, Fred is starting to cause serious damage to my plumbing.

Since many of you seem to think The Masterlord and I are one and the same (we are), I though I’d try to increase Toilet synergy by choosing a foil category to next week’s Riff category. What is the worst metal song from 2002? Note that I said metal song, so don’t submit something stupid.

This week, however, we’re talking about bad collaborations. Two artists combining forces can often make sweet musical love and spawn something beautiful. These are exceptions to that circumstance. Let’s get this done.


W.

Do you remember when Apocalyptica were an interesting novelty act that played cello covers of Metallica songs? Well, I blame this collaboration with Corey Taylor for single-handedly blowing that load.


Joe Thrashnkill

I had this album when I was a kid. I had a lot of bad albums as a kid. In addition to tough guy growly Black Sabbath covers by turn of the century luminaries like Godsmack and Static X, Nativity in Black II contained this breathtakingly unnecessary update of “Iron Man”, featuring Busta Rhymes completely phoning it in and Ozzy himself adding grating new lyrics to a tune that hasn’t aged well to begin with.


Maik Beninton

If you ever wondered what would happen if Mötley Crüe had breakdowns, played djent, and got Fronz from Attila on guest vocals, then here it is.


Stan Laurel

In Flames continue their trajectory towards the lowest common denominator, this time through a collaboration with Pendulum.


Ellipsis

Which is worst? Fred Durst or Jonathan Davis? Homophobia or incest jokes? Detuned nu metal riffage or hybrid nu metal beats? There isn’t really a wrong answer, but this Korn and Fred Durst abomination insists we ask these questions. The whole thing’s awful, but skip to 4:29 to hear Jon and Fred “ironically” declare their intense infatuation with each other.


Coolstorybro

It’s not difficult to put your finger on what makes this the worst collaboration ever. Two bands playing together that don’t really have any common points of musical reference? Check. Covering an incredibly late-sixties context specific song from a different genre altogether? Double check. Removing most of the lyrics so it’s just two people yelling slurs at each other? And how. My favorite part is probably Perry Farrell just yelling the n-word over and over while Dave Navarro plays some tuneless nonsense in the background. Truly one for the ages.


MoshOff

This is the absolute worst collaboration I could think of, not only because the song is the aural equivalent of being caressed with a porcupine’s rotted carcass, but because of the nature of the collaboration itself. Nickelback‘s “Side of a Bullet” is about the murder of a Dimebag Darrell, and *features* a solo played by him (at 2:02). Vinny Paul, Darrell’s brother, basically gave permission to use a track Dime had recorded before his death, so by now you shouldn’t have to listen to it to know how horribly forced it sounds.


FeelTheDarkness

I nominate Coal Chamber with Ozzy for destroying “Shock The Monkey.” Why you ask? Just listen to it. LOLBUTTZ!


Dagon

I have no idea how they convinced the members of Sunn O))) to be a part of the video.


Randall Thor

Fire Serj.


Ted Nü-Djent

What the fuck is this old tart’s caper?

Nordling Rites ov Karhu

Most of the album is okay, but this is an epitome of boredom.


Well, there you have it. Which of these foul creations should have been aborted from the beginning?

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 01-02-2015 10:00:00
end_date 02-02-2015 01:00:00
Poll Results:
Which of these foul creations should have been aborted from the beginning?

Feel free to defend any of these choices in the comments section and tell me what a turd I am for my opinion. Also, if you hate something I love, send it to me for the next Whiff o’ the Week! All opinions here are strictly those of the writer in question, although most of them are correct.

(Photos VIA and VIA)

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  • Corey Tay Tay

    I can’t see Dagon’s choice

  • Dagon

    I am being sabotaged once again. It shouldn’t matter, as Joe wins by default. Fuck that was awful.

    • Dagon

      And then right below Maik Beninton came through and blew my mind. I cannot wrap it around how bad this “song” is. Jesus, what are you doing to me? Playing 1 minute of this song killed two of the goldfishes that were swimming around here.

      • Corey Tay Tay

        I can see this is gonna be another tough competition

    • DDubya.

      Sometimes wordpress does weird stuff with videos. I’ll fix it for you.

    • DDubya.

      Alright, fishgod, I fixed it.

      • Dagon

        Thank you, earthling.

    • sir, i don’t believe we’ve met yet. so let me say hello! you make me LOL.

      • DDubya.

        You’ve met him before. In another life, when he had another face.

        • deets? no doxing doe

          • DDubya.

            He’s written for this very site.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            Doxxings bad, mkay. Also, I had no idea that doxxing was a word until today

  • OT, but this is my favorite collab in recent memory.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kVE2GFvQhyM

  • KJM

    Once again I went with the low hanging fruit(i.e. Korn/Limp Bizkit). I actually saw them perform that lame ass “song”.

  • KJM

    The context for the JA/Body Count collab is they were touring together at the time(Lollapalooza 1991).

    • more beer

      I went to this one in Saratoga Springs. It was a lot of fun as it was the first one and was not a huge festival yet. I also went in 92 and 93. I was done after that as it was getting to big.

      • KJM

        I saw this one and 2003.

  • Dagon

    I mean no disrespect, but whenever I hear Jonathan Davis’ voice I feel like impaling someone, and not in a good way.

  • Dagon

    If we ever do a whiff o the week on bad lyric videos, I am calling dibs on the lyric video for the Nickelback song. WTF is going on? ~sick guitar~ and *harmonics* in the middle of the cringeworthy lyrics is too much for me.

    • MoshOff

      I was going to pick that video because it was the only HD one, but then I saw how horrible it was and just HAD to.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      I love the completely unrelated picture for that video. “Maybe I should google a picture of Nickelback or Dimebag for this video… nah, I’ll just use this cheesy Schecter promotional image.”

  • B00mhauer

    Korn and Slipknot sharing the stage to parody er, uh….perform Sabotage by Beastie Boys was pretty embarrassing to watch.

    • DDubya.

      *shudders*

    • CyberneticOrganism

      *udders*

  • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

    I like Serj, but he really should stay away from trying to sound too emotional and anthemic if he doesn’t have System of a Down style heavy weirdness behind him.

  • CyberneticOrganism

    Holy mother of fuck, so many of these are awful. Excellent (terrible?) job all around.

    Special thumbs down for that vile Fronz turd and that piece of shit Revolution Harmony track. Serj is the worst fucking vocalist ever.

    That Korn/Bizkit collaboration makes me cringe in a way I’ve never known, as I am immediately bombarded with scenes of JNCO kids in front of their bedroom mirrors acting out their favorite singer’s lines.

    http://33.media.tumblr.com/d1f72164d9ea8d09a53784a02e49edbc/tumblr_mmuvicqu6x1qznwu9o1_500.gif

    • Ellipsis

      Read the comments on YT videos or on a lyrics site for All In The Family and you will lose all faith in humanity real quick…

      • CyberneticOrganism

        I fully believe YouTube comments will bring about Idiocracy in real life

        • Ellipsis

          Luke Wilson is the prophet foretold!

        • Lacertilian

          *commences pouring gatorade on home vegie patch*

  • I had to vote for MoshOff. Nickelback is the antithesis ov void.

    • DDubya.

      Yah, they’re just the worst.

  • The Bestest Tapir

    Deja Vu makes me vomit hard.

  • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

    Hard choice, Apocalyptica is pretty bad, but everything they’ve done since is worse. Ozzy Rhymes is horrible and Ozzy Chamber is a crime against humanity. Maybe Ozzy should be banned from collaborating with anyone. His Motörhead collaboration was pretty awful too.

    • MoshOff

      I think he’s not good at collaborating with his vocal cords.

    • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

      As I can’t really bring myself to vote anything that was destined to suck (Deja Vu, Nickeldime) I went for Joe

    • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

      I liked Ozzy’s collaboration with Motorhead. I did not like his Coal Chamber collaboration though.

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      When the collab edition was announced, I did regret submitting that on an earlier WOTW

  • CyberneticOrganism

    BANISH THEM ALL TO THE VOID

    http://i.imgur.com/QgqQBWw.gif

  • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    personally–i think it’s fun to call white people the n-word–in social situations-especially when theyre not expecting it—-

    this was a good song –probably the only true black liberation song–aimed at confronting whitey–nowadays they have black people on tv–but they make em act white—
    no more football dance celebrations—

    racism is now part of the p.c. infrastructure—-hypocritical—forced assimilation behaviour modification–and lies

    it is in the govt’s best interest to keep the races divided—and at a low simmer of negative feeling–taking advantage while claiming hypocrisy based moral fake “superiority”

    comedy central loves “threat” of the n-word—it is their best tool to try to keep people from turning against the media and “actual” bullshit in the world
    fuck those motherfuckers
    http://youtu.be/0_VfGVKzcfs

    • BLXKKBEXRD

      Edgy

  • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

    Some scarybad shit going here. My vote goes to the truly tasteless Nickelback effort. I get that Nickelback have a place, they do what they do and people seem to like it and its not my thing at all so I don’t and that’s ok. But they don’t have the tiniest fraction of any of the chops required to make a song about a real life tragedy without coming across pathetically sleazy and exploitative.

  • Mother Shabubu III

    The worst song possibly ever made.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqM3Z3rWlAI

    • DDubya.

      I’m a bit surprised no one submitted this one.

    • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

      Nope. I despise Ja Rule so I will not listen to this.

    • Wow, whoever green lighted this should be executed on sight.

      • Mother Shabubu III

        The making of video for this song is hilarious. Nothing beats the awkward conversation between Ja Rule’s crew and Bob Rock.

    • I’M ON VACATION!

      Not every day you come across a rapper that sounds like Mr. Krabs.

    • Lacertilian

      You have to submit MSIII, you would surely win with these sorts of selections.

  • I voted for W.
    On another note, Project Pitchfork is amazing, and even saved Morbid Angel on their remix CD. But their new video is a whole other kinda clunky piece of doo doo!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hu8N282i82c

    *drops mic and leaves this one for a breakdown*

  • PhoenixKing Leonhart

    I voted for Coolstorybro. Of all of the songs from Sly and the Family Stone, why the fuck would you cover that one?

    The whole point was for the song to exaggerate the racial slurs to render them ridiculous and moot. This cover completely missed the fucking point.

    • “Of all of the songs from Sly and the Family Stone, why the fuck would you cover that one?” cause wow, such edge?
      i dunno man, but that song/video was a cringefest if i ever seen one. even Mr. T couldn’t save that trainwreck of an abomination…

  • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

    Moshoff wins because Nickelback is always bad.

    • then shouldn’t you like them?

      • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

        No. I despise them more than anything.

        • then shouldn’t you like them?

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            Jimmy plz!

    • tertius_decimus

      Me thinks this particular Nickelback song sucked due to stupid lyrics.

  • PhoenixKing Leonhart

    As a slight counterpoint, here is proof that D.J. Premier can make anyone sound good. Even Fred Durst.

    https://youtu.be/Tc4Fuqf4ROU

    • Eh. I still kinda like this song.

      • BLXKKBEXRD

        Because method man, not Fred durst.

        Wu tang members can polish a turd

        • Lacertilian

          I dunno, had it have U-God it may have been irretrievably worse.

      • Lacertilian

        Your comments in this thread show that you are not afraid to

  • FeelTheDarkness

    I am just happy to not get shut out again

    • Howard Dean

      I voted for you. That shit needed to be flushed.

      • Ted Nü-Djent ™

        I had to resubmit because @disqus_0114sSlbKH:disqus got in first, so I feel like a vote for Drop The Monkey is a vote for me

  • Jefrey Waylon Mann

    I really liked Dagon’s pick.

  • Difficult to choose again but the fact that a terrible band collaborated with the already awful Attila and threw in some 1st grader lyrics to go along with it makes it hard to ignore the outright suckfest that thing is.

  • tertius_decimus

    So, by having at least three rap vs metal examples in this chart we can see this genre match was made in the deepest sink. Tough competition this week! I think Coolstorybro’s submission is as abominable as real life. Maik Beninton, Ellipsis and MoshOff were very close but my voice goes to Jane’s Addiction and Bodycount. True ear bleed.

  • I’M ON VACATION!

    Is that a dick in this week’s WOFT art? For shame!

    At any rate, it involves Attila, it’s the worst thing ever. I’m just not about that life.

  • you all are the greatest human beings ever. you have chosen picks that make this a most difficult choice. my gut instinct is to go with @Coolstorybro, and the only thing stopping me is knowing that it is a cover (otherwise it’d take the cake). @Ellipsis, i dug that jam in high school, and i can’t bring myself to flush it 15 years later (crazy right?). DDubya., Corey Taylor’s voice engages my swoon; he could be singing a Creed song and i’d still approve. @Randall Thor, didja know that Tron Legacy is my 2nd favorite film of all time?? Nordling Writes ov Karhu, your pick was easily the best song on here, i didn’t mind it at all!
    FUCK THIS IS TOUGH… but Papa Joe Thrashnkill wins.

    P.S. i might be in love:
    http://www.candicenight.com/images/photos/pics/cat_and_candice.jpg

    • BLXKKBEXRD

      Is it against the rules for me to dye her hair before kidnapping?

      • tertius_decimus

        Ask Blackmore.

        • BLXKKBEXRD

          Eh, nah

      • i dunno, you made the rules based pirate!
        alas, yes it is. she’s purr-fect.
        *falls on sword
        “this was a good death”

    • Ellipsis

      Maybe this live version will change your mind…

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NDqPqxGh9Yg

      • This enrages me. Now I understand my parents.

      • CyberneticOrganism

        Ha ha ha the fucking break dancer, 100% lolbuttz

        • Ellipsis

          Disco ball, pink bathrobe, annoying DJ, fake fighting… you can’t make this shit up.

  • “All in the Family” is by far the worst song posted here today. Possibly ever.

    • i’ve been half-trying, ever since i woke up at 11 and started drinking, to justify why it’s NOT the worst song posted here today. it’s diffinult. i guess it’s cuz Limp Bizkit hadn’t started sucking yet in 1998 (seriously, Three Dollar Bill Y’all still slays… huehuehue, did i just say that?). and it’s kinda funny.

      TL;DR: low-hangin’ fruit? i know my taste in music rustles. your pick was a bigger offense to the tarlet. high-five, handsome devil — no, wait bro-fist.

      • I fucking loved three dolla bills and significant other when I was a kid. Korn as well (up to I guess Issues) but man, none of this stuff has aged well. Everything seems really edgy and amateurish. Except Break Stuff. I want Nails to cover that so bad.

        • maybe we should fight? nope, i’m over being stuffed in lockers.
          you know who should cover that song? That band that Edgrobreemus likes Thou and the Body Count

          • Hahahahahahahahahahaha, I am dying

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            Damnit Jimmy! Now I’m forcing myself to listen to Korn’s discography because of your mentioning of them!

          • DDubya.

            You don’t have to do that.

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            I already started it. I hate my perseverance when it comes to matters like this.

          • KJM

            Eh, if they do that 1st album 20th anniversary tour I’ll go see it.

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            I heard they were doing it at festivals but I’d go see it because it was a decent album.

          • don’t blame me for your poor life decisions. listen to, hrm…. Cannibal Corpse’s discog instead. hammer smash your face!

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            I wish I had a hammer I could use to smash my face because of this decision.

          • Lacertilian

            You could achieve zen by watching Ace Ventura and seeing Hammer Smashed Face playing with laughing at the inane plot.

        • DDubya.

          While wearing those camo shirts?

      • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

        Limp Bizkit sucks. Korn sucks less but is more annoying.

        • Jefrey Waylon Mann

          Eddie plz!

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            You like Limp Bizkit? I never liked them.

          • Jefrey Waylon Mann

            Yeah I do.
            But how can you not like Korn?

        • Ellipsis

          I would agree with you…

  • BLXKKBEXRD

    These are all so bad. There’s so much homosexuality, cursing, bad breakdowns, personalities, egos, talentless clowns, dick stuff, puberty, makeup, Jonathan Davis and Fred durst. It’s like a shit blizzard

  • JWG

    I chose not to listen to these, as I know enough of them that even the vague memory thereof causes me physical pain.

    PS: voted for the only song I actually hadn’t heard beforehand. That Probot thing is a mess.

  • Stockhausen

    I hate to go for the low-hanging fruit, but there’s no way I can’t choose Limp DurstKorn. I’ve never actually heard the song, and I’m not going to pause The Body to listen to it, but I have to choose that.

    • Please check it out. It’s way more brutal than the harshest noise.

      • Stockhausen

        I am super duper tuff, like really tuff. I don’t know if I’m that tuff though.

    • def. check it out. it’s not as bad as you would guess. oh jeez, i’m sounding like JJD now.

  • http://youtu.be/mOEow23ntWo Six feet under and ice t, the way metal was intended to be. First verse: if your a hater Chris Barnes will kill you. Second verse: Ice T will murder suicide you and your family.

    • Hayden Clifford

      WHAT? THIS IS THE MOST BADASS SONG EVER MADE!

    • Hayden Clifford

      I actually enjoy some songs from that album though

      • Further Down the Metal Hole

        I dig most of SFU’s catalogue too, I like to think he/they don’t take themselves too seriously.

    • this is bad. yes it is. but Ice-T. his voice is like the Draw Four card in UNO (RIP Bozlinger). it just makes everything right. he dun gud.

    • Talk shit, get lolbuttz’d.

  • Coolstorybro

    Upvote for the Dark Tower reference

    • good pick manny, i wanted to vote yours so badLY, but then i saw that it was a cover. history or sumthin’

    • DDubya.

      Upvote for you, Swedish Chef!

  • KJM

    Flowin’ straight from the survival scrolls…

  • I think I’ll leave this nu metal stinker for ya…………

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJDAgMVzNto

  • JWG

    Here, have a kitten as a Whiff antidote.

  • Max

    The Apocalyptica/Corey Taylor I actually kinda like for some reason.

    The Ozzy/Busta Rhymes is indifferent.

    Deja Vu: I assume Fronz is the growler? (First time ever really listening to the guy.) If so, how does anybody actually distinguish him from 100 of the growlier nu-metal vocalists?

    In Pendulums: Neither truly bad nor truly good.

    Limp Kornskit: I think Jonathon won that shitshow.

    Perry Farrell is supremely loathsome no matter what he does. I couldn’t get through a minute of it.

    NickleDime: I’ve heard worse. Pretty bad ringing on the snare. Completely tasteless delivery, of course.

    Coal Chamber: Not really that bad, I remember thinking – doesn’t really ruin Peter Gabriel’s song and demonstrates what nu-metal bands might’ve done if they were more musically adventurous.

    Helloween: Who actually is Candice Night? Those are some low-mixed guitars; why bother having ’em? Ah, ballad-metal…so tepid.

    Revolution Harmony: Oh, this should deliver the Flush; three of my least favourite artists….yep, I think maybe we have a winner. I love the way the drums almost get buried when the song builds up in parts. Hey, with Devin Townshend and Emperor-guy presumably both supervising the mixing, I’m surprised there’s any drums left underneath the keyboards at all.

    Metallica/Marianne Faithfull – In retrospect there doesn’t seem to be anything more pointless and disposable than mid-late-’90s Metallica; but this might trump it. Cringeworthy.

    Probot: I like it, sorta.

    Okay, it’s a toss-up between Revolution Harmony and Metallica/Faithful. But Metallica gets enough hate as it is, and neither Ishahn nor Devin Townsend get enough, so my coin’s gonna land on tails.

    • old_man_doom

      You don’t like Ihsahn? Are we about to fight, Max? I think we may have to fight…

      • Max

        Well, I don’t hate the guy but I’ve never been the biggest Emperor fan. Group him together with Hevy as a Devy Really Thing and Serjdownian and it does get a little tangy for my liking. We can fight anyway, though 🙂

        • old_man_doom

          Honestly, Emperor really isn’t my thing either. I absolutely love his solo stuff. If you can get over the harsh vocals, then the 8 string compositions are incredible.

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      Damn Max, I thought I had you there for a minute

      • Max

        You very nearly did, mate. You very nearly did. Actually I’m having second thoughts right now.

        • Ted Nü-Djent ™

          Too late now *frowny face*

  • Nine Inch Males

    All of these are obviously bad, but Revolution Harmony reminds me of a quote from the late, great Michael Scott.

    “It’s like a girl says she’ll make out with you, but then her boyfriend is waiting around the corner with a pee-filled balloon.”

    • old_man_doom

      I’ll just take Ihsahn and Devin. It’s like saying, “Give me a steak salad, but leave out all that lettuce and croutons and shit. Just give me the steak.”

      • Nine Inch Males

        That sounds about right.