Whiff o’ the Week

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Greetings, flushkateers. I hope you’re having a great weekend, because I’m here to lolbuttz all over it. It’s time once again for us to take rapture in the worst the metal world has to offer in a veritable celebration of guilt. So grab your clothes-pins and your can of Oust, because I’m about to void metal’s bowels all over your Sunday.

W.

Children of Bodom have worn out their welcome here at the Crawford ranch. Alexi Laiho’s continued attempts to prove how great a guitarist he is have driven this band into the ground, and his weak publicity stunts surrounding the Blooddrunk release irked me mightily. To remind you of how bad CoB have gotten, I’m nominating the riff that starts at 0:50 in “Ugly” from Relentless, Reckless Forever as my whiff o’ the week. I don’t think the guitar work could sound lazier if he tried.


 Papa Joe Thrasknkill

You can only get tone like this by converting it to midi and pumping it through the monitors at a budget Karaoke bar. The main riff should be used to sell used Ford trucks at an EXTREME used car lot.


 The Masterlord

Dear legendary bands, don’t rip off another band’s chorus; you’re better than that. If it turns out that you’re actually not better than that, at least don’t rip off a chorus from a brand new, mega-hyped band. If you have to rip off a chorus from a brand new, mega-hyped band, at least don’t leave out the one part that made it a killer chorus in the first place (here being the speed-harpsichord). This shameful act of plagiarism starts at 1:14. Check out the original chorus here. Iron fucking whiff.


Occam’s Razor Ramon

I’m a pretty big fan of Machine Head’s The Blackening, but the chorus riff to Aesthetics of Hate drives me crazy. Those sliding power chords just sound awful and don’t fit the song at all. It really doesn’t sound all that different from an exploding whale, but at least the exploding whale has the fact that it’s exploding going for it. Starts at 0:51.


 Stockhausen

You hear that cheesy/angsty riff at the beginning and immediately think “Oh thank goodness it’s not 2001 and bands like this aren’t around anymore.” But then you realize that Approaching Dawn released this album last year, and your hope for the future of metal takes a hit. The song name “Death Contest” is a good indication of how super totally edgy these guys are, and the extension cord noose that the singer wears at shows really seals the deal (not making that up). WHIFF!


Jack Bauer

This is actually probably worse than the new Dope song.


Johnny Crunch

Voted worst song of all time and I can’t disagree with that.


Janitor Jim

I thought that these guys were the shit back in the day. Now, this sounds like Five Finger Death Punch and Emmure having rough sex and I’m glad I never saw my copy again after I loaned it to someone.


 Cybernetic Organism

Sweet Fancy Moses.


Christian Molenaar

Buckle in, lifelovers. This week’s megaflush: EVERY ONE OF YOU! I was fed many disappointments this week (Kirsten Gillibrand gave us one more reason to hate US senators, the Fantastic Four and Doctor Strange movies are apparently still going to happen, Jack Bauer still thinks Archspire are good) but by far the biggest disappoint is YOU, and not for the reasons your mom always says. You see, this week I rediscovered my love for Iceland’s Sororicide‘s sole release (worth listening to), The Entity. While this album can occasionally be found for thousands of dollars on Ebay, it seems as though it’s spoken of disproportionately little between metal fans. I’m here to tell you: this album is totally unflushable. Yeah, the production is terrible, the drums can be so-so and the solos…what. But take a listen to this song. Every riff is exactly what I want in a metal song. You can take your “caverncore” and flush it, because 23 years ago these Icelandic bros set the standard for dark, grimy, eerie death metal with just a hint of proggy time signatures. TALK ABOUT THIS BAND.


 

Did you actually like something in this list? Can’t wait to tell us how our ears are broken? Then be sure to submit something for the next Whiff o’ the Week.

(Photo http://gizmodo.com/5912113/12-ways-to-rid-your-house-of-bad-smells)

 

 

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  • Metaphysical Anus

    Damn you Cybernetic Organism! I was going to post that thing in the comments.

  • Edward Meehan

    Not be the hated resident grammar Nazi, but, I think that should be “weak” publicity stunts <3

    • Your right, can’t unsee that.

      • W.

        No, “your” wrong, McNasty.

      • Metaphysical Anus

        You did that on purpose, didn’t you?

      • CÖÄL RÖLL FRÖM THE TÖILET BÖWL

        Don’t even go their.

    • W.

      Oh no! I got all twisted up with weak and week. I have brought shame on the Toilet (seriously, I’m embarrassed).

    • W.

      Oh, btw, I have no idea what you’re on about.

      • Metaphysical Anus

        You are a slippery fucker.

        • W.

          🙂

  • KJM
    • W.

      This show was pretty good.

      • KJM

        I liked it quite a bit.

  • Does Christian understand Whiff o the Week?

    • Christian Molenaar

      I don’t understand anything.

      • W.

        He knows all, sees all, saws all.

      • Metaphysical Anus

        You understand good noise music.

  • IronLawnmower

    The real tragedy is this band didn’t get more well known https://mannix.bandcamp.com/album/suffer-ep-1995

    • W.

      Very interesting.

      • IronLawnmower

        I recently signed up for a Something Awful forums account. I can’t tell if you’re trolling anymore or not. (I wish I hadn’t signed up for Something Awful)

        • Metaphysical Anus

          What’s Something Awful?

          • Five Finger Death Punch.

          • IronLawnmower

            something awful.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            That doesn’t answer my question.

          • W.

            Pretty sure it’s a website

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Thank you dude.

          • IronLawnmower

            a waste of 10 dollars to sign up.

          • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

            Is it still 97% painfully unamusing?

          • IronLawnmower

            Yep.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            It costs? What the actual fuck?

          • IronLawnmower

            Yep. 10bux just to post. an attitional 10 to have an avatar and search function as well as other things.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Wow, that’s something awful.

          • IronLawnmower

            I really only signed up for the anime, music and lets play subforum. wish I hadn’t

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Can you get a refund?

          • IronLawnmower

            lolno.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            What the fuck? That’s fucking bullshit!

          • IronLawnmower

            It’s something awful. It’s apparently meant to keep trolls and children away.

          • the language man!

          • Metaphysical Anus

            What the fuck is this fucking shit? You can’t fucking swear here anymore? Fucking fuck!

          • kiss your doges with that mouth?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I don’t kiss my dogs because I’m not a zoophile like you.

          • IronLawnmower

            This is about the average quality on SA.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I refuse to support them because of this. No one should have to pay to post things.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Well that’s pretty evil of them. Why have to pay for that shit?

          • Holy cow. Is that a lifetime subscription at least?

            /scheming

          • IronLawnmower

            Yep. Unless you get banned for some reason.

          • Have you heard of this wonderful website that answers questions for you? I think it’s called Ask Jeeves.

          • W.

            Joe. My typos. They’re killing me.

          • Metaphysical Anus
          • something awful.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Wat did u say, u bitch?

          • ………..

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Don’t push me too hard. There are some jokes I have. They’re done in a really bad taste. You don’t want to see them.

          • IronLawnmower

            That song is dope as fuck.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I haven’t bought google or ask jeeves yet. I will when it’s my next payday.

          • W.

            You have to buy Google there?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Joke
            ———

            You

          • W.
          • Metaphysical Anus

            Cheer up lil boy.

          • Stockhausen

            OOOOOOOHHHHHHH SNAP.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Awwwww, it’s a doggie! I have a miniature schnauzer and he’s adorable. His name is Wally. I also have three cats and a fish named after the Blue Oyster Cult album Imaginos.

          • W.

            I don’t have any pets right now. I want to get an American Alsatian when I have a big yard for an outdoor dog.

        • W.

          http://i.imgur.com/Wsxniff.png

          FYI, I’m not usually trolling on here, unless I’m pretending to actually be George W. I have that Mannix album open in another tab for later listening.

    • W.

      By the way, this isn’t awful. I think I could dig it.

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        Here’s an extremely underrated noise band. They have released a single as of today that is a cover of Molly Hatchet. They’re releasing an album on Halloween. Here’s a link.

        https://blimpcrashinginmidair.bandcamp.com/album/fall-of-the-peacemakers

        • The Imaginary Land of Finland

          I feel compelled to be honest right now even though you’ve long supported me against the League of Finland Deniers. This is the worst shit I have ever heard in my life, and it can in no way be misconstrued as music.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I don’t like it that much either. I know the guy who leads this project and I don’t want to insult him but he really doesn’t know what he’s doing.

          • The Imaginary Land of Finland

            The guy is you.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            The point of this album is to create an abomination on par with Lulu and The Unspoken King. I guess my plan is working.

        • IronLawnmower

          dafuq is this shit.

      • IronLawnmower

        Someone said this about my music and now I feel bad.
        there are drums on the track and they seem to have little to no relation to what the guitar is doing or visa versa. i don’t know how you would even do that
        It’s easier to drift like that than you think when doing a song in that overdubs kinda way. When you’re not live and locked in, no visual cues, just the sound and absent a click track, it really can be tough.

        But this is some high school band shit. You guys are wobbling and drifting around eachother the whole time. Your chord changes are all super stilted, like you’re all unsure if you’re going to the right part. Just horrible instrument playing. Is your drummer a computer? Because it’s that turnaround where everyone just kinda stops playing, lets the fill happen, and they KINDA get back to it for 2 bars, then it’s gone again.

        The real largest offense is that guitar, tho. He just like stops being locked in to the drums, just kinda forgets and then suddenly realizes “oh ya I’m playing with my bros”. The singer doesn’t help in this, just like scatting all over the place, seeming to be singing a different song. The length of the song wouldn’t be a problem if it wasn’t so incongruous, so completely unlistenable.

        And the mixing is doing you no help. The snare shouldn’t sound like it’s in a garbage can and a block away. It and the kick should be what’s driving the song and really pumping, but because nothing is hitting together it’s crappy mixing just further makes it sound like garbage and lack a driving beat.

        And like, messy garage rock is my #1 favorite music, so this isn’t a quality or sloppiness dig. It for real sounds like you’re all playing different songs, that it takes all your fucking brainpower to change chords or to survive a fill.

        • W.

          Is Mannix your band? Someone said this about them or about you? That’s a pretty long diatribe?

          • IronLawnmower

            Nah my band is at Bombermetal.bandcamp.com It was said about me.

          • W.

            Listening now!

          • IronLawnmower

            Be honest as you want. after having it torn apart I’d take anything even slightly nice.

          • W.

            I think the comments about the drum and guitar not syncing are off. It sounds a bit unhinged, but I think that’s your intent. I can dig the style, but I don’t usually listen to stuff like this, so it would probably be hard for me to listen to a whole album. I don’t think it’s bad, though. Could be good in angry, short bursts.

          • IronLawnmower

            Thank you mr president!

          • W.

            No prob, bb.

          • Stockhausen

            Angry! Nice stuff man.

          • IronLawnmower

            Thanks. Is there anyway I can make things free on bandcamp for people who have a special coupon code?

          • Stockhausen

            Probably, but I have no idea.

          • I think that’s a premium feature : /

  • Scrimm

    I already posted my whiff of the week on FB, don’t have the stomach to do it again. More like whiff of all time.

    • Metaphysical Anus

      What is it? I don’t own a facebook. My local bookstore didn’t have it.

        • Metaphysical Anus

          Sometimes I feel like you really hate me.

          • No I just find it really enjoyable to make fun of you for some reason. <3

          • Metaphysical Anus

            What if I were to take that pleasure away from you?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            You can’t make fun of me anymore when I’m gone!

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Do you really think so?

          • Seriously, there is like a david tennant gif for everything….

          • Thanks for reminding me. Need to make some tweaks to the comment filter today.

          • Why? I’m not gonna go all preachy about dr who like those other loser fans on reddit or anything. He just makes for good gifs.

          • W.

            Dr. Who fans make me not want to watch Dr. Who.

          • I hate Dr Who fanboys. Worse than xbox/ps3 fanboys. That said, it’s a fun show.

          • you played like three different games in 10 minutes!
            having said that, xcom kicks balls

          • Lol, had to finish my game of nba2k, test a skyrim mod, and kill aliens

          • KJM

            I love Dr Who. Yesterday’s episode was great. All you others can come at me.

          • I didn’t see it yet. Watching it tonight though for sure.

          • I dunno why he never traveled to the imaginary land of Finland though.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Can u fuckin stap? I’m not mocking your country. I will fucking start soon.

          • W.

            Everyone mocks America, even Americans.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I haven’t done that here yet. If I will be provoked too much there’s gonna be some jokes that are in bad taste.
            ( I may not be serious, plz don’t hate me)

          • W.

            Donthatechamane

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Wat?

          • Mainly just stop getting your jimmies rustled so easily.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Ahh, but how do you know that my jimmies are really rustling?

          • By god, you’re right… they could be rustle-free!

          • Metaphysical Anus

            ….

          • W.

            I said, “Don’t hate you, man.”

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Are you sure that you don’t hate me?

          • W.

            I try not to hate anyone.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Do you love me?

          • W.

            That’ll do, pig.

          • Stockhausen

            Have you ever drank Bailey’s from a shoe?

          • W.

            You ever been to a club where people wee on each other?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I don’t drink alcoholic drinks.

          • Stockhausen

            Easy now fuzzy little man-peach.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I’ll join the insulting of America if people keep saying Finland is a myth. If you insult Canada on the other hand I will get very mad over your insulting of my heritage.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I would never insult Canada.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Good. My people are the reason the world has Rush, hockey and Tim Horton’s. I apologize for giving the world Justin Bieber, Nickelback and Lance Storm though.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            You also gave us Godspeed You! Black Emperor.

          • Virgil the Ghost Poet

            I love Godspeed. Do you listen to the other Montreal collective post rock bands like Silver Mt. Zion, Molasses, Set Fire To Flames, ect.?
            And am I the only one who likes Pro Pain around hear?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I fucking love Silver Mt. Zion! Horses In The Sky is one of my all time favourite albums.

          • Virgil the Ghost Poet

            Shafts of light was great too.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            That is a great albums as well. I really like how Efrim has dedicated some of his stuff to his dead dog. As a dog owner, I really like that.

          • KJM

            “If I can be serious for a minute…”

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I know right? I know Finland is real and I don’t get why people would doubt that it’s real. Whoever The Imaginary Land of Finland is must not like me for some unknown reason. Same with Stockhausen.

          • Stockhausen

            I like you buddy. But I also like dumb jokes, like Finland not being real. I actually have an aunt from Finland.

            OR DO I????

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            When it comes to countries that may be fake, I think of Luxembourg. I’m sure Luxembourg is a myth created by chocolate makers who don’t want Switzerland getting credit for the world’s best chocolate.

          • Stockhausen

            Oh I definitely agree with that. Switzerland has their pocket knives and watches, they don’t need chocolate to inflate their egos.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Did you know that women got the right to vote in Switzerland on federal level only in 1971?

          • W.

            Good lord!

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I’m from Europe and I can verify that Luxembourg is not real.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Does that mean Latvia isn’t real either? It makes me wonder if Yugoslavia was ever real. It doesn’t seem like it was real. Maybe Yugoslavia was a cover up for why the Yugo was ever invented. God Yugos are terrible cars.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Latvia is real and Yugoslavia was real. Estonia on the other hand is not real.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Damnit, why couldn’t Yugoslavia be fake? I agree on the fakeness of Estonia. I’ve never met any Estonians, have you?

          • W.

            There’s a place in Estonia called Mire Field. There was a big battle there.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            How could I? It’s not even real.

          • Stockhausen

            I met a guy from Estonia who’s dating a girl from Germany. We met while staying in Norway at a Swedish person’s apartment, where she lived with her Irish boyfriend. None of that is made up.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Smells like bullshit.

          • Stockhausen

            Then accept this Estonian band as proof: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2dllo85ZSUk

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I know that and I love it. I have listened to it so many times that I don’t even know how many times I’ve listened to it.
            Btw, where do you draw the line. How does Estonia exist, but Finland doesn’t?

          • Cock of Steele

            I’ve noticed a lack of anything Finnish in that statement.

          • KJM

            If you believe in Finland, clap your hands three times!!

          • Metaphysical Anus

            You’re gonna have a ripped scrotum soon.

          • KJM

            I felt a great disturbance in The Internet, as if a million jimmies were rustled…

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I will take that ripped scrotum of yours and shove it up your ass. Then let’s see whose jimmies are rustling.

          • KJM

            Looks like you bought a ticket to Rustlemania.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Let’s get ready to rustle!

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Who is that guy? I keep seeing him in your gifs.

          • That’s The Doctor.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Do you mean the show Doctor Who?

          • Jöhnny Crünch™

            Who?

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I don’t. Just because of how bad I feel for the people’s mocking of Finland here’s a link to the noise rock track I finished today.

            https://blimpcrashinginmidair.bandcamp.com/album/fall-of-the-peacemakers

      • Scrimm

        Trust me you don’t want to know.

        • Metaphysical Anus

          I think I do.

          • Scrimm

            Still not doing it

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    Damnit Jack, I liked the new Dope song! Hell, I consider the new In Flames their best album since Clayman. I found a copy online and I listened to it and it is up there with Colony and Clayman as a great In Flames record. It levels Sounds of a Playground Fading.and especially Reroute to Remain and Soundtrack to Your Escape. I feel the new In Flames record as well as the new Pretty Reckless record could bring metal back to the mainstream if they are promoted and they sell.

    • pretty reckless == metal?
      regardless, it’s a rad rekkid.

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        I feel that In Flames could really become mainstream if they are supported and promoted more.

    • The Imaginary Land of Finland

      I’ll pretend your music taste is good if you keep pretending I’m real! You scratch my back (which totally exists), I scratch yours!

      • Stockhausen

        How is this comment real? How am I replying to it? Is it here because I want it to be here, and my mind is making it real? But then is it really real? If a tree falls in Finland, do imaginary sounds ams real?

        • The Imaginary Land of Finland

          BECAUSE I AM REAL, DAMMIT. JIM DUGGAN, HELP ME OUT HERE.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Finland is real. Here’s a link.

            http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Finland

          • The Imaginary Land of Finland

            You’re my hero. Don’t tell them that you totally made that Wikipedia page.
            EDIT: Oh right, now I’m supposed to lie about you too. Attention everyone: The new IN FLAMES album does not totally and completely suck, and people who like it are smart.

          • Stockhausen

            Turns out your facts are just as made up as your self is!

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Liar! The new In Flames album is amazing and it does not totally suck. It’s their best since Clayman.

          • The Imaginary Land of Finland

            I like the way you think. If we keep saying it over and over, maybe we can trick them into believing it’s true!

          • Metaphysical Anus

            This is offensive to my people that have suffered! I will wage war!

          • Stockhausen

            But Wikipedia says so, and you can totally tell that page hasn’t been altered at all!

          • CÖÄL RÖLL FRÖM THE TÖILET BÖWL

            Pot: Kettle: Black

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Why does everybody hate the new In Flames record already? It’s amazing and I am not a liar when it comes to my love of their new album.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            It’s not a lie, the new In Flames album is amazing.

          • Stockhausen

            It pretty much confirmed my suspicions.

          • W.

            How do you get there? Through a wardrobe?

          • Stockhausen

            You get to Finland by shornting by best fimzywumps at just the right tumterbip.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            If I join the In Flames hate, will you ackowledge Finland?

          • W.

            Well, knowing Stocky, it certainly couldn’t hurt your cause.

          • Stockhausen

            Hmmm. I will have to consider this. I’ll consult my counsel of wizards and yetis.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            No, don’t do it! It’s so good!

  • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

    I thought that Children of Bodom track was pretty alright. Not the sort of thing I’m super into or would listen to with any sort of regularity but fair enough drinking and troll skull cleaving fare.

    • W.

      There are definitely worse bands out there, but I feel like they’ve kind of reached the “meh” point.

      • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

        They reached the flush threshold with Are You Dead Yet? in my opinion. Just rehashing the same thing over and over again, like Arch Enemy. Only Cannibal Corpse can write the same album over and over again yet still be totally awesome with each new release. That’s like, a law or something.

        • W.

          It seems to basically happen to all melodeath bands on a long enough timeline.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I never got into those Children of Bodom. On the other hand I cannot praise the new In Flames album more if I tried. You’d think I was working for their record company with the praise I’ve been giving it.

          • The Imaginary Land of Finland

            Yeah and Finland is totally real! You’d think I WAS Finland with the praise I’ve been giving it.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I’ll start making 9/11 jokes soon…

          • W.

            I’ll reserve judgment until I’ve heard the whole thing, but the few songs I have heard sounded pretty subpar.

          • Scrimm

            What I’ve heard sucks pretty bad.

          • W.

            I do not expect it to be good at all.

      • Elite Extremophile

        It’s because they claim to be from Finland, which, as we all know, does not exist on this good earth.

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    You know what other song is my Whiff of the Week? This terrible cover of Message In A Bottle. I expected better of Machine Head.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RXUwtsqIB08

    • Gurp

      The worst part is it sounds pretty great for the first minute and a half.

  • Metaphysical Anus

    I hate every single one of you (except Jim).

    • IronLawnmower

      Even me?

      • Metaphysical Anus

        Maybe not you.

        • IronLawnmower

          Yay. I define myself as your waifu.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            What’s a waifu.

          • IronLawnmower

            Some otaku thing.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Is it a Japanese thing?

          • IronLawnmower

            Yep. Or like western dudes who obsess over anime.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I never understood anime.

          • IronLawnmower

            Ghost in the Shell is a good place to start.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Oh no, I ain’t about to start!

          • IronLawnmower

            Join us Death. Join us.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Nope.

          • IronLawnmower

            Watamote is the best thing ever.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I don’t agree with your opinion.

          • IronLawnmower

            It’s like someone made a comic of every awkward 15 year old ever and made it hilarious but at the same time terrifyingly relatable.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I was never 15. I was born 26-year-old and with a master’s degree in my hand.

          • IronLawnmower

            Uh huh. WE ALL HAD AWKWARD HIGH SCHOOL YEARS. why else would be talking in the comments section of a metal blog?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Not me.

          • IronLawnmower

            Like a eunuchs dick.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            That’s mean.

          • IronLawnmower

            I’m more of a mode guy.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            What does that even mean?

          • IronLawnmower

            Is maths a concept in Finland?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I was never good in maths dude.

          • IronLawnmower

            Me either. I still can’t do maths to save my life and I’m doing night classes at a tech to try and improve my GCSE mark.

          • W.

            You have a point.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            So does my knife.

          • Ding ding ding

          • The Satan Ov Nvklear Hell

            I didn’t but jesus was a bully I swear.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            Who the hell didn’t have awkward high school years among us? I sure did because even though I was popular I hated everybody except a small few. I had to act as though I liked everybody which I did so convincingly that everyone believed I was a great guy. I did that with precision so technical that you’d believe I was a robot. I hated being what the people wanted me to be and even though by the time it came to pass I was the most popular guy in my school I still only cared about 5 people out of the 4,000 in my high school. Two of those people had graduated they year before me and the other three were the only ones who saw that I cared about them. I was destined to reach the top and then self destruct from the pressure. When it comes to the women I loved I never got anywhere with any of them as if I had we would have destroyed each other.

          • Gurp

            Omg this. Been watching the anime for the past week or so. Love every minute of it.

          • JWG

            I was very confused, but then i remembered (later than I care to admit) that you have to read these right-to-left for them to make sense.

        • W.

          Vut about moi?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            You took part in the imaginary bullshit, didn’t you?

          • W.

            I don’t believe so.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I saw it! Don’t punch me and them tell you love me!

          • W.

            Where? By asking if you had to get there through a wardrobe?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            And by liking those comments “it” made. (I’m not really mad, but this is great stuff for a soap opera)

          • W.

            I like most things in here. Controversy sells.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            But who’s buying?

          • W.

            I am. I’ve hedged my bets on both sides.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Well, you’re about to lose my side!

          • W.

            Never bet against the House, my friend.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I think I may want a divorce.

          • W.

            We want pre-nup. We want pre-nup.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I will take the house and the children. You can have the car.

          • IronLawnmower

            I went the yes-man route. VIVA LA INDEPENDENCE BABY.

          • more beer

            What did you donkey punch that guy?

          • W.

            Yes?

          • IronLawnmower

            W. is a yandere

          • W.

            I had to look that up. I’ll… allow it.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I’m sorry. I can’t be mad at you. Of course I don’t hate you.

        • Cock of Steele

          I bet you hate me so much, we’d make great life partners.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I heard that angry sex is the best kind of sex.

    • JWG
      • Metaphysical Anus

        Monty Python always makes me glad. You’re forgiven.

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      You don’t hate me. You enjoy me and my love for the new In Flames album. You enjoy my love of southern rock, Deaf heaven and the band Nazareth.

      • Metaphysical Anus

        I need to listen to that noise rock song you made. Brb.

      • Re: Southern Rock – Are you aware of The Sign of the Southern Cross? Their basically re-heated Pantera but so damn tasty. Their song ‘Purge’ is my favorite. Anyway, if you are familiar with them, can you help me find some bands like them? I looked on last.fm (since TuneGlue died with EMI) and they keep suggesting bands like Texas Hippie Coalition and I’m just not down with that shit. I want a little less douchetastic camp, a little more rock n roll, y’know?

        Pretty Plz and thank you much

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          I’ve heard of them but I’ve never given them a listen. If you want good southern rock you have to go with non current bands. Texas Hippie Coalition is terrible and I never got into Black Stone Cherry. If you want to hear real southern rock you have to listen to bands like Molly Hatchet, Outlaws, Blackfoot, 38 Special and Lynyrd Skynyrd. I’m not a big fan of Skynyrd but I am a huge fan of Molly Hatchet and Outlaws. When it comes to rock the five bands I listed couldn’t be less douchetastic and couldn’t be more rock and roll oriented. You might want to start with the greatest hits of these five bands like Fall of the Peacemakers from Molly Hatchet, Green Grass and High Tides from Outlaws, the album Strikes from Blackfoot and any early album from 38 Special.

          • Hellyeah has long been on my hellno! list and I’ve actually been meaning to check out Molly Hatchet for a while. Not sure when I first heard of them, but I wrote down their name so I wouldn’t forget. Glad to hear they may be right up my alley.

            With Skynyrd, it’s like I get why they got the recognition they did, but it’s just not for me save for a few songs here or there.

            Thanks for this shortlist. Can’t wait to check these bands out!

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            Anytime. On top of the bands I listed I also recommend Nazareth. You’ve probably seen the links I posted for their stuff. They aren’t technically southern rock because they’re from Scotland but their stuff from their debut up to their album from 1981 reminds me of blues influenced southern rock. The vocalist reminds me of Axl Rose with a sort of bluesy quality to his voice. Their stuff after 1981 veers more towards hard rock but it’s still good. When it comes to Molly Hatchet do not listen to their albums The Deed Is Done or Lightning Strikes Twice as they’re more like Journey than southern rock. Also, do not listen to the Outlaws album from 2012 as it’s not really an Outlaws album. It’s from a former member who hijacked the Outlaws name for himself and assembled a lineup which is basically his other band Blackhawk except with the original Outlaws drummer.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            Here’s a Molly Hatchet performance from their peak in 1983. It shows how amazing they are live and even though they’re down to one original member they can still perform. If you can also find their live album Double Trouble Live and Outlaws’ Bring It Back Alive.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQjr_XVwnEs

          • Def. going to check out their catalogue ASAP. Even giving the audio quality here, I can tell it’s something I’d be interested in. Skipped around a bit and the riff and driving drum section at the ten minute mark was right up my alley. That solo at the 22 minute mark blasted my tits off.

            Sidenote: do they have three guitarists? Seems excessive, visually, but it translates really well sonically, especially at around 51:35. And they all have solos that are really fuckin rad. No joke, I would listen to a whole album consisting of just the solos.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            A lot of southern rock bands had three guitarists. Outlaws, Molly Hatchet and Blackfoot did back in the day. I’m not sure of many others who did that besides them though.. Molly Hatchet has had two guitarists since 1984, Outlaws has two guitarists currently and Blackfoot has two guitarists currently as well.

  • Xan

    I’m assuming that the Iron Savior whiff is stolen from a Gloryhammer song, correct?

  • Randall Thor

    Iron Savior is still >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Gloryhammer

  • NDNOvHell

    Wally world or gtfo

    • Metaphysical Anus

      Wally World = best band ever. Music wouldn’t be like it is without Wally World.

  • Cock of Steele

    I just bought The latest Toxic Holocaust, not a single whiff on that son bitch.

    • Jöhnny Crünch™

      Of course not

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      I enjoyed that album and I regret not seeing them when they came near me.

  • JWG

    RE: making an otherwise excellent riff feeble by virtue of the ‘performer’, and because I’m still on my weekend-long BOC binge…

    Considering the calibre of BOC performance otherwise, you can just immediately get the message that the dreams of the kid in “The Marshall Plan” are just wild expectations with no talent to back them up by virtue of a feeble rendition of *that* Deep Purple riff.

    It’s one of few cases (that I can think of) of a great riff made intentionally stinky to make a deliberate thematic point.

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      I’m a fan of Nazareth and I want to do a binge of their stuff as I enjoy it. If I do that I will have to listen to this whiff of an album. By this point their music was not good. It wasn’t like their return to form album from this year and it certainly wasn’t their good albums from the 1970s. The 1980s were not a good time for Nazareth and neither were the 1990s.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NhyKjiV_Cw

      • Metaphysical Anus
        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          Yay, Finnish prog!

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Three of those are from the 70s, one from the 90s and one from the 00s

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            One from the 2000s? There’s so few honest to goodness 2000s prog bands! For that here’s three more Nazareth live things all three being from 1981.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzSjkI1JJzE

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BwKVmPxQXxU

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YgIUTHi8lh4

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I need to check these out when I have more time.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            You should. Nazareth did much better in Europe compared to America where they had one hit, the one hit being Love Hurts. They should have gotten much bigger here then they did.

          • JWG

            I forgot that Nazareth did “Love Hurts”.

            My earliest and to be honest only other exposure (which I can confidently name anyway) to the band was ‘Crazy’ from the soundtrack to Heavy Metal.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Their version of Love Hurts was amazing. The whole album that it was on was called Hair of The Dog and that is an awesome album. Besides that album I only really listen to of theirs is some of their 80s output. Their late 1980s output was terrible, especially Snakes and Ladders. Their 1990s output was unlistenable and made me wish they would return to the style of Snakes and Ladders. I love their output from the mid and late 70s much more than their output from Malice in Wonderland onward. I do love their live album from 1981 though as it’s amazing.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            On top of the live performances I have left you and everybody else their studio output from 1975 to 1983. I could not find their 1984 album on Youtube but I have left their albums from 1986, 1989 and 1991 instead. You’ll see them as part of comments I have left on this post. I’ve seen the light and I’ve been sent to convert you all to the glory of the band Nazareth. Also, here’s their hit album from 1975 Hair of The Dog.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivE2YcCBXhM

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Kuusumun Profeetta (Moonfog’s Prophet) has done a lot of good stuff in the 2000s. They make prog rock with folk and psychedelic influence.

  • The Satan Ov Nvklear Hell
    • Metaphysical Anus

      That’s pretty fucking terrible.

      • And also pretty fucking manorwar.

        • Metaphysical Anus

          Would you fuck a pretty manowar?

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            No. I don’t fuck men and especially not men of war. I do like fucking attractive women though.

      • Janitor Jim Dvggan

        You know what’s even better than that Manowar song? The covers album I am releasing! Coming soon from my noise rock project: Duck and Covers, an album with covers of artists you know like Molly Hatchet and Black Sabbath and covers of artists you don’t know like Bloodrock or Tony Martin era Black Sabbath! There’s been a cover added to the project of Outlaws, better listen to it while you can! Here’s a link.

        https://blimpcrashinginmidair.bandcamp.com/album/duck-and-covers

    • The Satan Ov Nvklear Hell

      Oh I meant to post this on “riff of the century”

      • Janitor Jim Dvggan

        Riff of the century? I beg to differ. Here’s the riff of the century and possibly the riff of the millennium. Hell, everything Nazareth does could be included as riffs of the millennium, especially their live performances. Their studio albums are albums of the millennium, their live performances are performances of the millennium and their live album Snaz is the live album of forever. There is no live album that is better than it. There are many at its level but none that exceed it. Here’s the live album in its entirety from Youtube.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BwKVmPxQXxU

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvyc-CiLZxQ

        • The Satan Ov Nvklear Hell

          Nazareth are great.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I love them. I’ve been giving their stuff a listen and I picked up their live album from 1981 off Amazon. It’s a remastered edition with all the tracks from the original vinyl and eight bonus tracks. The original CD pressing was a single CD which cut 8 songs off the album but the one I ordered is a double CD.

      • W.

        Manowar >>>>>>>>>>>> everything else!

  • Not gonna lie, I was all about that glitchy shit Exotype was doing around the :50 mark. Then the cleans started. It’s not that I have a problem with cleans, but why do they have to be so whiny. Sorely disappointed. Was about to add this to my list of albums to torrent the fuck out of

  • Regarding the Worst Music Video Ever: How do you achieve that look that says you’ve been ingesting only the hardest, most illicit substances since 1972 and not actually die from an Overdose. Take a page straight of Keith Richard’s guide to healthy living

  • Janitor Jim Dvggan

    These are my least favorite Nazareth albums and they have no whiffs at all. The only one that is a whiff is No Jive which will be posted here as well as other albums I don’t like of theirs.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hU1Pi0wUmwU

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFuK82dA-Yk

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7WBHT8Icqk

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gp7MutAYBpE

  • Óðinn

    “`

  • Óðinn

    ~~~