Whiff o’ the Week (1/4/2015)

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“Yet, for a wild moment, did my spirit refuse to comprehend the meaning of what I saw. At length it forced — it wrestled its way into my soul — it burned itself in upon my shuddering reason. — Oh! for a voice to speak! — oh! horror! — oh! any horror but this! With a shriek, I rushed from the margin, and buried my face in my hands — weeping bitterly.”

Come face to face with the abyss. This is Whiff o’ the Week.

Last week, we had a good old-fashioned whiff-off. No frills, no thrills. After a very lop-sided battle, Stockhausen emerged forth victorious with a nearly unanimous margin. You all agree that Attila is offensive to all of our senses. Well done.

stock2Before we get to this week’s competition, I need to tell you that we won’t be doing Whiff o’ the Week next week. I’m traveling to DC on Saturday to present some research, so my time is limited. Therefore, let’s take a break from the stinkers and conserve our ire for the coming weeks ahead.

This week, however, we still have time to revel in mediocrity. Today’s category: otherwise great song ruined by one musician’s poor performance. Let’s get to it!


W.

I was originally going to pick a Periphery track because every vocalist they’ve ever had has made every song they’ve ever written terrible, but then I realized that the category requires the song to be otherwise great. I remembered that Periphery’s music is boring too, so I guess I have to pass on them. Instead, I’m going with a band I actually like. I’ve been a fan of Dream Theater for a while now, although I found their most recent efforts to be a bit languid. That said, they wrote some of my favorite prog songs ever. Unlike a lot of you, I even really liked Systematic Chaos. “Prophets of War” is a pretty cool tune, but then Portnoy does his weird spoken-word/growl thing and just lolbuttzes all over the tracks’ momentum at about 3:50 into the song.


Papa Joe

“Hey Dwid, I wrote this sonically interesting tune. There are some neat dynamics at play here. Think you can maybe sing a melody over it or, uh, at least shout in a similar key?”
“Yeah, no problem RAUGHRAAAAHHHRAAAAAAAHRAAAAUUUGHRAAAUGJ”


Brock Samson

I am always able to headbang to the point of almost breaking my neck to “Of Fire, and Fucking Pigs” by Anaal Nathrakh. Then the worst guitar solo I have ever heard kicks in at 2:07 ruining everything. Thanks Mick Kenny.


Jöhnny Crünch ™

This song could’ve been an Iron Maiden great if Blayze Bailey wasn’t around to butcher it.


Lacertilian

The first thing that came to mind when I read Joe’s theme were the vocals from Ephel Duath. Prior to this album’s release, I had never heard of this band. The cover art looked nice so I gave it a click only to discover some textured, off-beat & unique sounding music coupled with some of the least listenable vocals I have ever heard. I won’t put a time-stamp in as you should hear what they could sound like had they not decided to add vocals. Some bands should stay instrumental.


Coolstorybro

I’ve got what might be a controversial submission this week. See, I fucking love Zeppelin – but one part of “Babe I’m Gonna Leave You” has always annoyed the shit out of me: Bonzo hitting the cymbals ON EVERY FUCKING BEAT during those loud moments (see, e.g., at 2:23). The rest of the band slays it, but Jesus does that man abuse those cymbals.


George Lynch

I am a straight sucker for a good track containing sax, trombone, trumpets, and hand clapping (Mellencamp, “Jack and Diane” shout out!). I mean nothing smells of America more than big bands! Right? Although this track is far from a perfect “big band” track, it’s easily overshadowed by TayTay’s endless bleating, cawing, and harmonizing. Which is why I am so let down by TayTay Swift‘s “Shake it Off.” #I-will-not-play-this-fing-swill-to-my-children-if-it-were-the-last-music-in-der-world/10


Nordling Rites ov Karhu

I like Fall of Efrafa, the literal concept, the “Flush you! We made three albums and that’s it” – mentality and the masterful songwriting. But “Pity the Weak” off Owsla is just bad. And gives a bad start to an otherwise great album. Actually it’s not even a bad song it’s just that the vocals on that fragile, emotional part at around 3:50 are gruff shouts. They happen to flush up my whole listening experience.


Janitor Jim

I love Alter Bridge, and this song would be amazing if the drummer wasn’t trying his best to recreate the St. Anger drum sound.


Rusty Shackleford

This is perfect because I’ve always loved to jam some early Slayer, but let’s be real. Tom Araya can’t play bass to save his damn life. Case in point: a badass jam with stupid bass riffs


Rho Stone

GO HOME JOHN BUSH YOU SUCK!


Kim Jung Un’s Gross Bodily Function

Remember how he said he can hit notes Halford can’t? Well, this video sums up that statement perfectly! And not how he intended it.


JAG

Pretty much every song by Vio-Lence. Sean Killian’s vocals ruined everything.


Alright, now it’s your turn to answer my riddle. Which of these songs was most ruined by one member?

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 04-01-2015 10:00:00
end_date 05-01-2015 01:00:00
Poll Results:
Which of these songs was most ruined by one member?

Feel free to defend any of these choices in the comments section and tell me what a turd I am for my opinion. Also, if you hate something I love, send it to me for the next Whiff o’ the Week! All opinions here are strictly those of the writer in question, although most of them are correct.

(Photo VIA)

 

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  • KJM

    Di’anno, what a fucking joke he is now.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      He’s part of the Rob Zombie/Vince Neil school of “half-sing a couple words, let the audience or the band do the rest”

  • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

    GL gets my vote because I hate Taylor Swift. #TeamKaty for life!

    • CyberneticOrganism

      ( . )( . )

    • WHOOPS

      I hate both.
      >:(

      • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

        Katy is so pretty though!

        • VVorld Peace

          There’s more to women than appearance, amigo.

          • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

            She seems like a nice person. I’ve heard that Taylor isn’t that nice of a person.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Leõnhart

            Cause Katy talking shit about every person she’s met is nice…

            You like her for the same reason the rest of us. BEWBS

          • oh c’mon, Prism was barely beaten by Artpop!

          • Nordling Rites Ov Leõnhart

            In addition to being a complete asshat. She has never made an encompassing album. She does have a few good songs/nice hits. But never a full.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Leõnhart

            Also, just noticed the pun. Hardyharhar.

          • Taylor Swift just puts out this huge act of seeming like such a nice person because it gets her records into teen white girl heaven – Target.

          • CyberneticOrganism
          • tertius_decimus

            STARE INTO EYES!

          • CyberneticOrganism

            By eyes, do you mean breasts? Then yes.

        • WHOOPS

          Doesn’t change anything.

  • WHOOPS

    I probably could dig DT more if they had a different singer. I can’t dig James LaBrie’s vocals.

    • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

      This, they’re very nasal and beyond cheesy.

    • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

      I dislike Dream Theater because the new drummer is awful. I prefer Porcupine Tree or Steven Wilson when it comes to newer prog.

      • WHOOPS

        I don’t think that he’s awful, but you hit the nail with Wilson and PT.

        • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

          I love Porcupine Tree and Steven Wilson. I love that Steven Wilson does the remastering jobs for such bands as Gentle Giant and Jethro Tull.

          • JamesGrimm

            ……..its just Porcupine Tree.

      • MoshOff

        No offense, but that sentiment is just wrong. I guarantee you if they hadn’t said anything, 90% of people wouldn’t have realized it wasn’t Portnoy. If anything, Mangini is less remarkable (as in, less annoying and in front of the mix) than Portnoy.

        • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

          I don’t really like him. He’s not a drummer who sticks out and his parts seem generic.

          • MoshOff

            I get that, but I guarantee you he can outplay Portnoy without even trying. I think it’s a case of him being the new guy and just keeping a low profile and agreeing to do whatever he’s told.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=um24wnmC3xs

          • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

            Mike Mangini was in Extreme? I never knew that.

        • tertius_decimus

          Disagree on this one. Portnoy has easy-to-indentify playing style, many special “shticks” which make him stand out. Mangini isn’t the worst substitute to him, he’s just different. It could have been much worse. Still, Dream Theater has greater problems than drummer who’s not appealing to whole DT audience.

          • MoshOff

            I agree about Portnoy’s easily identifiable style, it’s just that after hearing the same cymbal stack / snare pattern like 50 times on each album after Metropolis I’ve gotten a bit tired of his shtick haha.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Leõnhart

            Actually he hasn’t really, not anymore. Not after he proclaimed he won’t do solos anymore, he pretty much dropped ‘the thing’ too.

      • JamesGrimm

        he’s also not a drummer…

    • tertius_decimus

      Same about their bassist. He’s deadly boring.

      • VVorld Peace

        I remember reading somewhere that the rest of the band basically banned him from songwriting at some point.

        • tertius_decimus

          That’s quite surprising given how they’re singing dithyrambes to his splendind musicianship and personality in every interview.

        • MoshOff

          I don’t know if that’s true, but it makes sense and would explain a lot.

          • VVorld Peace

            I’m trying to think of where I might have seen it. Will report back if I find it.

          • VVorld Peace

            Ah, I found it. My memory was a bit off. They basically made a rule that kept him from writing lyrics until Dramatic Turn.

            http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Myung

          • MoshOff

            Yeah, I figured as much. I read that as “Portnoy was Portnoy and dismissed other people’s efforts.” It isn’t coincidental that the first album that he writes lyrics for in ten years is the one right after Portnoy leaves.

      • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

        Their bassist is so boring. He makes watching paint dry look like fun.

      • MoshOff

        He never used to be. If video evidence is correct, they all used to be much more engaging live. But age, I guess.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSChdfAzbqg

        • tertius_decimus

          I can dig musician who doesn’t jump like a mad while playing but can’t dig anyone who writes bland, uninspiring and non-memorable lines. Even LaBrie has “something”. Myung is robot.

          • MoshOff

            Duuuuuuuuuuude. DUUUUUUUUUDE. You hit a nerve with “non-memorable lines” hahaha. I think 6:12 is enough to have stuck in your head.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJ-epzgRjzo

          • tertius_decimus

            Exactly what I’m talking about. My cock is in “off” position. 🙂

    • CyberneticOrganism

      LaBrie is French for “The Brie”

      • Brouroboris

        The soft cheese.

        • CyberneticOrganism
          • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

            AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

          • k guys it’s been fun

          • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

            What is this from?

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Not a clue, I just googled “soft cheese gif”

          • Drewcifer

            Oh I’ve seen these horrors before, Its something like “Little Baby Ice Cream”

          • CyberneticOrganism

            I’ll have to see more of these

          • Gluteus_Maximus_Rage

            If I see that face when I close my eyes tonight, I’m going to be very disappointed. And scared.

    • JamesGrimm

      you had me panicking. I thought there was a Dark Tranquility song on here I missed…lol

      • WHOOPS

        Don’t worry, I hate that DT.

        • JamesGrimm

          bbooooo…

          • WHOOPS

            You are not the first one to say that to me nor will you be the last.
            “You don’t even like music.”
            – I don’t remember who said this to me (probably Jack).

          • JamesGrimm

            lol, indeed.

  • MoshOff

    I am stupid and entered late, this is my pick:

    Tom Morello is truly a creative guitarist who uses his instrument in very unorthodox ways to produce interesting sound. I’m all for this as long as it fits the song, which the solo in Audioslave’s What You Are (3:30) doesn’t even come close to achieving.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pz-TZPzA0mc

    • Mr.CustodialArts

      Dude, I was just laughing my ass off at BROCK’s pick-that AN solo sounds like a 14 year-old doing his best Morello impression at Guitar Center…oh shit I love it.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_frXYiZ-cAo

    • Gurrp

      *2:30

      • MoshOff

        thnx bb

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Guh, Audioslave… Captain Mumble and the Weedly Weedlies

    • Jöhnny Crünch ™

      I like Chris Cornells voice
      I like RATM
      I don’t like Chris Cornell + RATM

  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

    Fuck Zeppelin. Great choice. And sorry JAG, that Vio-Lence album slays. Sean’s vocals are an acquired taste.

    • Gurrp

      For me it was about acknowledging the vocals suck but that the riffs are worth it.

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        Very true. Vocals are the worst part about Zep. Well, besides all the fucking artists they ripped off.

        • Gurrp

          Hearing that so often makes me glad I never got into them. No butthurt.

    • WHOOPS

      Agree on Zeppelin.

    • Music=good. Sean Killian=shit.

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        You’re poopy.

  • Gurrp

    The bassist in that Di’Anno vid is wearing an Avenged Sevenfold shirt.

  • KJM

    I love John Bush, but he was never the right fit for Anthrax. John belongs in Armored Saint and Joey belongs in Anthrax.

    • JamesGrimm

      I cannot express how much I hate Joey.

    • but… Sound of White Noise…

      • KJM

        It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t “Anthrax”.

        • ah, good point and i must agree!

        • Jöhnny Crünch ™

          Yet it’s my favourite Anthrax album

  • CyberneticOrganism

    Jesus, that Di’Anno clip is embarrassing as fuck. That’s what you chose to release on DVD? That runny shit of a singing attempt that just slathers all over the rest of the band?

  • Mr.CustodialArts

    I’ve never performed a full-on mule kick off the side of a stage before…but I’d like to try. 4:29. #raid3 #ilovejoe #thiswholethingisfuckinglulztastic
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CcQHVwjC7bI

    • CyberneticOrganism
    • KJM

      o_O

    • MOOOOOM QUIT GOING HARD IN THE PIT

    • want to watch more of this… cringe fuse already blown…

    • Howard Dean

      That one motherfucker doing the cartwheels and big sweeping roundhouse kicks should be in a Jackie Chan movie. Pretty legit.

    • Jöhnny Crünch ™

      Man, hardcore is stupid

    • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

      God damn is this fucking horrible. Fucking hate humans so god damn much.

      • CyberneticOrganism

        *gets super pumped by this comment*
        *hardcore dances in office*
        *mule kicks off breakroom coffee table*
        *swings/punches/whatever back to desk*

  • I had to go with Joe’s pick. Dwid is the hardcore version of Grutle–both just sound like your dork friends doing a parody of every hardcore/black metal singer.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zOoeHaRVtn0

    • Enslaved’s clean vocalist is the most irritating piercing noise that has entered my ear holes.

      • Plus the lyrics suck BIG ass.

        • CyberneticOrganism

          That’s where these lyric videos are a bad idea — everyone can see your ridiculous song topics

      • CyberneticOrganism

        That’s how I feel about Taylor Swift

      • holy cow do i love this song. 3:50, you don’t dig those cleans? man oh man oh man

        • Just not feeling them. But that’s just my opinion. I find their old black metal stuff to be awesome in so many ways. I’m a lover of prog metal, but they shouldn’t have went prog.

          • i can appreciate that. change is always tough for bands. there are many bands that i got into AFTER a major change and therefore that’s my point of reference.

          • Let’s see what they do with their next album. They said they would go back to their blacker past, so that’s good. We’ll see.

  • I voted for Jim cuz Taylor Swift would be too predictable to pick. Plus, I hate the FUCK out of Alter Bridge. 🙂

  • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    whiff of the week—“the interview”-

    though you knew it was gonna be some war mongering,mass murder shit—disguised as some cutesy buddy shit—-still
    00
    they stated that kim jong un or whatever his name is—-is “anti semitic”–which is bullshit

    korea has always been culturally isolated from “judaism”—-this is some blatant false bullshit—-just like how the libtard shills try to label people on the internet as “racist” and shit
    piss on all libtards—–viva the true jews——–

  • I remember when DT used to be my favorite band. But then I discovered Opeth….and wow.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Scandinavia > America

      • WHOOPS

        Damn Scandinavia!

        • CyberneticOrganism

          TAKE THAT BACK!

          • WHOOPS

            Never! Nordic countries > Scandinavia

          • BLVKKBEVRD’S CONSVMYNG YRE

            Isn’t that a semantic argument?

          • WHOOPS

            Scandinavia refers to the three monarchies (Denmark, Sweden and Norway). Nordic countries include Finland and Iceland.

          • BLVKKBEVRD’S CONSVMYNG YRE

            You just wanna be speshul.

          • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career
          • WHOOPS

            I’m an unique snowflake.

          • BLVKKBEVRD’S CONSVMYNG YRE

            You’re the unique snowflake that drifted towards the side of the road, was snowplowed into a big heap, got carbon monoxide all over it, and turned black. Then melted.

          • WHOOPS

            Before melting Blackbeard insulted me with racial slurs because I turned black.

          • BLVKKBEVRD’S CONSVMYNG YRE

            Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmm

            snowmonkey?

            shit uhhhhhh …..

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Okay here’s where I’m an idiot — what’s the difference?

          • WHOOPS

            The difference is extremely small. Scandinavia consists of three monrachies (no Finland or Iceland). Nordic countries includethose two.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            I see, that’s what I really meant but I have teh dumb.

            Nordic countries > America

          • JamesGrimm

            …not really a difference….it was all the same thing once..

      • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

        America>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Scandinavia

        • WHOOPS

          Btw, I ate your buddy Rudolph today. Tasted great with mashed potatoes and lingonberry jam.

          • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

            NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

          • VVorld Peace

            Lingonberry? Is that some kinda commie fruit?

          • WHOOPS

            It is red…

          • Jöhnny Crünch ™

            I prefer snozberries

          • JamesGrimm

            do they taste like snozberries?

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            You betcha

          • Are those like dingleberries?

          • The Mighty Tapir

            NO! They’re like lingonberries!

      • BLVKKBEVRD’S CONSVMYNG YRE

        Where’s Howard Dean or W when you need them?

      • tertius_decimus

        Neither I am Scandinavian, nor American but it always was a mystery to me why so many Norwegians are USA-wannabes (i.e. hating shit, driving V8 trucks, sweet grind Alabama and so on). Swedes are not. Care to elaborate?

        • WHOOPS

          Swedes are dicks tho.

          • tertius_decimus

            I see them as just permanently depressed blokes.

          • WHOOPS

            Finland >>>>>>>>>>> Sweden
            As a Finn I can confirm this.

          • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

            America>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Finland

          • WHOOPS

            Gr8 b8 m8, i r8 8/8

          • tertius_decimus

            USA: 9,857,306 km2
            Finland: 338,424 km2

            Lemme do the math.

            America>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Finland by a 9,518,882 square kilometers. That’s a huge margin.

          • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

            I agree.

          • BLVKKBEVRD’S CONSVMYNG YRE

            Numbers dont lie

          • where my clone high bro’s at? (eyeballing you @disqus_77PBSiK8Ug:disqus)
            https://31.media.tumblr.com/1e5e6a4d50fc7ffd4f5d4d1e1c333701/tumblr_ml1mlsPDUQ1qk4d9xo1_250.gif

          • VVorld Peace

            Texas is about twice the size of Finland at 696,241 km2

          • Jöhnny Crünch ™

            New South Wales has you licked buddy 809,444 km²

          • VVorld Peace

            That’s a big state, and every square kilometer is trying to kill you.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            Western Australia though: 2,645,615 km²

          • Lacertilian

            NSW is mid-sized. WA & QLD are fucking massive.

          • WHOOPS

            Smaller package with better quality.

          • BLVKKBEVRD’S CONSVMYNG YRE

            inferiority complex

          • Jöhnny Crünch ™

            In teresting that Australia is not that much smaller than U.S.A U.S.A at 7,692,024 km2
            So also Australia>>>>>>> Finland

          • Jöhnny Crünch ™

            What’s the capital of Finland?

          • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

            Helsinki.

          • Pyongyang! Because Pyongyang is the capital of the universe, that’s why!

          • tertius_decimus
        • BLVKKBEVRD’S CONSVMYNG YRE

          BECAUSE AMERICA, THATS WHY

        • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career
          • tertius_decimus

            Knew their love to american cars but didn’t knew how it’s named. Thanks.

          • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

            You’re welcome.

          • That’s actually super interesting. Thanks!

          • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

            You’re welcome. They interested me too when I first read about them on Cracked.

        • CyberneticOrganism

          Seriously half or more of the cars on the road (by me at least) are giant F-150s or giant SUVs. In Norway I think I saw a single truck. It was glorious. Maybe there are more out in the country, but I never saw em.

          • tertius_decimus

            I am confused now. Americans call SUVs and pickups “a truck” alongside with huge trailers. I’ve meant american name for giant SUV vehicles.

          • BLVKKBEVRD’S CONSVMYNG YRE

            We pretty much call anything that isn’t a car or a van a “truck”

        • Akercocke ov Steele

          Hating shit seems to be a Finnish trait here. (You know who you are)

          • The Mighty Tapir

            Hey, shut up!

    • i remember when Opeth went 70’s prog on us. but then i discovered Black Crown Initiate…and wow

      • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

        Boooooooooooo! I liked that album!

        • yeah well you also love Taco Bell. aw shoot, i do too! c’mere you!

          • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

            I love your love of Taco Bell. What’s your opinion on the band Camel?

          • no clue dude, you ain’t gonna throw me off track like that!!

          • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

            Here’s an album of theirs. You may like it.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urrxkHMv6iY

          • god dammit JJD i’m not gon–
            okay this is good. very good. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?!?!

          • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

            It’s so good though!

          • i know! i’m listening at work. reminds me of early Genesis!

          • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

            I love Camel. Unlike Genesis they stayed prog for most of their career except for their album The Single Factor which sucks.

          • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

            I love you man!

          • Lacertilian

            I want a Taco Bell to open near me so I can finally get that instant weight loss solution the Seppo’s proudly flaunt.

          • had to google. on the topic of cleansing (Joe’s new year’s post) if you get Taco Bell breakfast with a hot coffee, you can expect to lose a few pounds!

          • With a dump that feels about like:

            http://i.imgur.com/1vzbFIc.gif

      • Great band.

        • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

          I love Opeth’s new album almost as much as I love Taco Bell. That’s a lot of love.

          • It’s my album of 2014 for sure. I know I said Machine Head’s was, but the more and more I listen to it the shittier it gets. But with PC, it never gets old and is one of my favorite albums from my favorite band. Well done, Opeth.

          • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

            My AOTY was the Blut Aus Nord album.

          • That’s a good album as well. A very well done album.

          • JamesGrimm

            its just like unfulfilling, crappy, comfort food!

          • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

            Don’t insult Taco Bell! They make good food!

  • Nordling Rites Ov Leõnhart

    It’s EFRAFA! Not Erfafa. Goddammit me! Ican’t even spell. SLAY ME, for I deserve no better.

    • VVorld Peace

      I fixed it for you, mate. It can be our little secret.

      • Nordling Rites Ov Leõnhart

        Thanks.

  • BLVKKBEVRD’S CONSVMYNG YRE

    I’ve voted for KJU twice in one weekend. He told me his pudgy little finger was over the big red button.

  • KJM

    WHOO!!

  • tertius_decimus

    Voted for Papa Joe. Really beautiful song ruined, sniff-sniff.

  • Lotta hate in that selection, GL. Lotta hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.
    /Also, you just admitted you like the enemy of our boy Tyree.

  • Brock, that is fvcking bad. i want to show you another laughable guitar solo (though it’s going to rustle some jimmies). it’s short, it’s goofy, and it builds to absolutely nothing at all:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocFxQjPeyiY

    • KJM

      For me this is their last listenable album. Some albums since have 1-2 decent tracks but this is the last one where the majority of the songs are good.

      • Jöhnny Crünch ™

        I love. LOVE every album they’ve released since Bruce and Adrien rejoined the fold.

      • You haven’t heard ‘A Matter Of Life And Death’, I take it? That one was solid, and the only one I can think of where they weren’t singing about old books and films.

        • KJM

          No, that one’s pretty good. It’s just not up to the level of their classic stuff.

  • RustyShackleford

    I once went to a Paul Di’Anno show because my buddies were the first opening band. During the intro to Phantom of The Opera someone got on stage and kicked Di’Anno in the balls. True story, yep!

    • KJM

      Oh snap!!

    • FeelTheDarkness

      Not hard enough

    • Jöhnny Crünch ™

      Lulz, I saw him once because free ticket. If only something like that happened

      • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

        He’s had more cancelled shows in my area than actual performances.

    • Lol! I have a Brazilian friend on FB who lives near Di’anno, and he’s considered a complete and utter prat around there.

      • TheCheezFace

        As a brazilian, can confirm.

    • His ex is on Blabbermouth during a few of his articles, and damn, the stories she had to tell! The guy is absolute shit on a fucking stick.

  • Commander Shepard

    George Lynch gets my vote because I hate Taylor Swift.

  • JJD fellow Alter Bridge fan here… but i really don’t hear your drum comparison. good thing i guess!!

    • Jöhnny Crünch ™

      I didn’t get it either

      • since there’s probably nobody watching or listening… can you tell me from where your avatar comes?

        • Jöhnny Crünch ™

          It comes from the greatest movie of all time
          http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098987/?ref_=nv_sr_1

          • love me some ADC!!!!!!! must watch.

          • Jöhnny Crünch ™

            You must, I don’t know how dated the movie will be for first time watchers but 16 year old me watched this movie almost everyday back in 1993

          • just watched the movie… no sign of Ted Nü-Djent ™ 😉
            seriously though, i’ve got it downloaded. can’t wait to watch

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            Ted Nü-Djent ™ might not be in it but Ford Fairlane does no how to get that wang dang sweet poontang

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            I Eagerly await your critique. Perhaps you can review it on the Toilet?

        • BLVKKBEVRD’S CONSVMYNG YRE

          I’m watching and listening. 😉

  • @PrincePoopyPanties:disqus you have a McNulty vote. that was unbelievable.

  • BLVKKBEVRD’S CONSVMYNG YRE

    Anyone have any questions they’d like me to ask Lasse from Hooded Menace?

    • The Mighty Tapir

      You got a chance to interview him as well? Waht teh fukc?

      • BLVKKBEVRD’S CONSVMYNG YRE

        What can I say? I have a winning smile. I dont think it will be as big of an interview as the one Nathanael is giving me for Musk Ox

    • Ever thought about fighting the dorks in Masked Intruder?

      • BLVKKBEVRD’S CONSVMYNG YRE

        lol, i’ll see if i can work that in.

        I hope i’m not crossing any lines trying to get some cool interviews for us. Nathanael from Musk Ox said he’d have my answers this week. This article is going to be very long.

        • Not at all. This whole thing operates on people doing stuff they’re interested in.

    • Nordling Rites Ov Leõnhart

      You might as well slip in something about his various other projects.

    • old_man_doom

      Is he ever going to re-join Acid Witch and do some vocals for them?

      • BLVKKBEVRD

        I think I can sidle this in. I will finish compiling my questions tonight if anyone has more

  • FeelTheDarkness

    So much suck in some of these songs

    • Jöhnny Crünch ™

      They’re not meant to suck though. Just one member is meant to bring it down

      • FeelTheDarkness

        I should have worded it differently

  • The Mighty Tapir

    Better vocal version of that DT song.
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=C6ydQH_Mw_A

    • Lacertilian

      @disqus_kqxyUNPxty:disqus would have had my vote had he of used LaBrie as the stinky element instead of Portnoy.
      Side Note: Does @disqus_7cNSxxgFGG:disqus harbour any ill-feelings for LaBrie tarnishing his/her otherwise great name?

    • I can’t stand his vocals. I got the Aeryon live DVD set years ago, and he damn near ruined every song with his nasal, monotone warbling. There’s no fucking way he’s classically trained (I’ve had 6 years of opera training,so trust me I know) as he claims. The singer from Symphony X thankfully saved the day on that one.

      Dave Labrie is about as nasal as Rhianna!

  • Huh. So this is the time you wake up if you take 60mg of melatonin.

    • Jormungandr

      Welcome back to the land of the living!

    • BLVKKBEVRD’S CONSVMYNG YRE

      Ballin’

    • The Mighty Tapir

      Would do again?

    • Interesting. That stuff has never worked for me.

      • BLVKKBEVRD’S CONSVMYNG YRE

        The old lady turned me on to valerian root

        • No luck there either : /

          • VVorld Peace

            I just choke myself till I pass out from lack of oxygen. Works every time.

          • BLVKKBEVRD’S CONSVMYNG YRE

            Worked for David Carradine

          • VVorld Peace

            See, you don’t want to go that far. It always looks bad in the media.

          • BLVKKBEVRD’S CONSVMYNG YRE

            Well, I call him a hero.

          • VVorld Peace

            It ALWAYS looks bad in the media. It isn’t worth it.

          • BLVKKBEVRD’S CONSVMYNG YRE

            I guess I wont do it, then 🙁

          • VVorld Peace
          • BLVKKBEVRD’S CONSVMYNG YRE

            lolol “you’ll cowards”

          • You will Cowards Do Not Even Smoke Crack

            Sounds like Engrish.

          • BLVKKBEVRD

            I smoke Crack on the reg

          • I bet the dead guy from INXS is stoked that David Carradine made everyone forget that he also killed himself via autoerotic asphyxiation.

          • BLVKKBEVRD’S CONSVMYNG YRE

            Also, Robin Williams.

          • VVorld Peace

            I’m telling you guys, there are much better ways to off yourself and OFF yourself. I feel very strongly about this.

          • Like giving yourself a curb job ala American History X, and doing it by giving yourself a Shaolin scorpion kick to the back of the head.

          • Jöhnny Crünch ™

            That would be Michael Hutchence

          • Not nearly as stoked as he would’ve been with his rigor mortis boner!

          • At least he didn’t say Robin Williams.

            Too soon?

          • Jöhnny Crünch ™

            And Michael Hutchence

          • And Hide (X Japan).

          • BLVKKBEVRD’S CONSVMYNG YRE

            Try copious amounts of bourbon and a joint or two….. always works for me.

          • Haha, that is one of the few things that I can count on.

          • BLVKKBEVRD’S CONSVMYNG YRE

            Sometimes makes me fall asleep when I dont mean to.

          • Lacertilian

            I always set myself up for an 80’s/90’s movie rewatch, make myself a hefty margarita, eat a brownie, hit the vape, drink margarita, push play on DVD & eat myself stupid.
            Will always fall asleep 2/3rds into the movie.
            The missus thinks I do it on purpose, but I really intend to watch it all.

          • BLVKKBEVRD

            Yeah my old lady thinks I intentionally drink the whole bottle of bourbon, which I do

          • there’s always Ambien. … if you don’t mind waking up to an empty fridge and furniture that “re-arranged itself”

          • Commander Shepard

            Just listen to the new Opeth album and sleep will come real fast.

          • VVorld Peace

            You’re alright in my book. Stick around.

          • I usually fall asleep to the audiobook of ‘100 Years Of Solitude’. Definitely not boring, but it helps my mind relax and float away until I can actually sleep (which often involves waking up multiple times a night).

          • I guess camomile tea doesn’t work either?

      • It has a lot to do with how much melatonin your body produces naturally. I don’t produce very much melatonin so I’m wide awake most nights. Taking melatonin helps me fall asleep but it also makes me feel incredibly sluggish the next day. All I want to do is drink coffee and watch strange movies today.

    • I also managed to miss-click on this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSaryH9rOoI

  • JWG

    This is uniformly awful. I think I’m going to have to just set up a random number generator.

    Except that Alter Bridge is always terrible. Always. Disqualified.

    • Simon PhoenixKing
      • JWG

        But Alter Bridge really is always bad, so unfitting this week’s topic tweak.

        …So maybe I’m only half wrong?

        • The Mighty Tapir

          You’re not wrong, Alter Bridge IS always bad.

  • old_man_doom

    Fuck you for flushing Fall of Efrafa! But seriously, I hate harsh vocals in melodic, “nice” sections too. It’s ok though because the rest of their entire disco CRUSHES YOUR FUCKING SOUL.

  • The Planck Epoch

    You guys are a buncha jokesters.

  • Max

    I really hope this week’s theme comes back some day. I’m kicking myself for not getting off my ass and submitting Possessed’s Seven Churches album – which for me, was absolutely ruined by a formless, what-rhythm-is-he-actually-playing drum performance.

    For an early death metal record the production is quite decent, which just makes it that much easier to hear how bad the drumming was. I’m astonished nobody else submitted it first.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MdXBJL6rMxY

    • Jöhnny Crünch ™

      I like it

    • FeelTheDarkness

      I like this record a lot.
      The demo that made up this album is great as well.

    • That album is perfection, through and through.

    • tertius_decimus

      Yeah, the rhythm is weird but it kinda works in a good way. Nothing similiar you’ll hear on modern records.

    • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

      Shitty drumming? Yes. Don’t care because of the riffs, production, etc.

  • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

    Here’s a song I was going to nominate as my whiff. This song fucking sucks. It sounds nothing like Camel and this one song has the worst keyboard playing in the intro I’ve ever heard. This is also my least favorite Camel album. Fuck this album.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKPbrafkMl0

  • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

    Paul Di’anno eats at Denny’s and doesn’t pay for it

    #DiannoFax

    • The Mighty Tapir
      • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

        What is this? It has nothing to do with the fact I posted or my love of Wishbone Ash

        • The Mighty Tapir

          Taste your own medicine.

          • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

            You’re confusing me. What exactly is this video?

      • Vernon Gholston’s NFL Career

        I like this. It was catchy.

    • Just 16 stone,
      More than a pickup truck,
      Out of sauce,
      For my crispy duck,

      I got no plaice,
      To call my own,
      They’re extinct,
      ‘Cos I ate them all, AOOW!

      I’m shunning fat-free, yeah
      I’m shunning fat-free
      I’m shunning fat-free, yeah
      I’m shunning fat-free!

      Spent the night in a Taco Bell,
      Eatin’ nachos, makin’ adipose cells!
      I tried to drink from the cheese machine,
      Now I got it all over me yeah!

      I’m covered in cheese, yeah
      I’m covered in cheese,
      I’m covered in cheese, yeah
      I’m covered in cheese!
      Get out some ham!

      Crackin’ open the bottle top,
      Get that greasy peanut sauce,
      And pour it all over my Chinese,
      Gimme special fried rice but hold the peas AOOOW!!

      I want Chinese, yeah
      I want Chinese
      I want Chinese, yeah!
      I want Chinese!

  • Tyree

    You rock George Lynch.

  • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    1stvid-fullvol
    2ndvidmuted
    3rdvid-50vol

    all at once
    http://youtu.be/2UoYZ6o3MhI

    http://youtu.be/TOrnUquxtwA

    http://youtu.be/L7qRrQCeSAo

  • Lacertilian

    Coolstory & Rusty have rustled my jimmies this week.
    It was bound to happen sooner or later.

    • KJM

      I don’t care about the 1st 2 Zeppelin albums and Tom’s place in Slayer is about his vocals and not his bass playing so much.

      • Lacertilian

        Fair enough, I remain rustled though.
        If you’re going to shit on Zeppelin I would pick something unnecessary like Darlene from Coda, those cymbals on Babe I’m Gonna Leave You are a bit smelly but in the grand scheme of things, they’re insignificant.
        Same thing with $layer, while not his best performance, surely something from World Painted Blood or God Hates Us All deserved a whiff over the classic Chemical Warfare.
        Slayer & Led Zeppelin are two bands which influenced me greatly during my teens, that’s why I knew the rustling would happen sooner or later.

  • Stan Laurel

    I can’t believe Eternal Nightmare is on this list. It’s one of the great Bay Area thrash albums. 7 tracks of pure, uh, vio-lence. Sure, Sean Killian’s vocals are an acquired taste but rather than detract from the music, arguably they’re what sets it apart.