Whiff o’ the Week (12/7/14)

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“We’re always thinking of eternity as an idea that cannot be understood, something immense. But why must it be? What if, instead of all this, you suddenly find just a little room there, something like a village bath-house, grimy, and spiders in every corner, and that’s all eternity is. Sometimes, you know, I can’t help feeling that that’s what it is.”

 

Welcome to the house of webs and dust. This is Whiff o’ the Week.

Last time we convened, I asked you to determine the worst scream in metal history. Fortuitously for Howard Dean’s blood pressure, Tom Araya’s shriek in “Angel of Death” did not win. Instead, y’all cast your votes for Squibble Skwonk’s selection of Capture the Crown. Well done.

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Next week, we have a very special category. I want you to reach deep into the pile of refuse produced by all the terrible bands this year and select the worst whiff of 2014. Anything goes so long as the song is a) metal and b) was released in 2014. glhf

Now that the rules have been set, let’s get to it. Today’s competition: standard whiff entry. May the biggest turd win.


W.

I recently learned that Trapt are still a thing. My taste in metal in high school may have been bad, but at least I can say I never liked Trapt. Well, apparently the band thought their discography was strong enough to withstand a complete acoustic overhaul. You can now add “Headstrong as played by that guitar douche at the frat house” to things you wish you had never heard.


 

Papa Joe

People age. Talent fades. You’ll never see the world through the eyes of a child again. Skip to 1:32 for maximum War on Xmas.


 

Randall Thor

Luca Turilli’s Rhapsody‘s debut was a raging torrent of pleasure to my ears. At least, all except for “Luna”. Where in the world this track comes from, no one really knows. All I know is that if you remove it from your listening, your life will be better.


 

365 Days of Horror

This stupid chorus.


Deputy Dipshit

What comes to your mind when you hear the word whiff? I picture a fine, brown mist released amongst the unsuspecting population followed by the most putrid of scents clawing its way updrift and fingerholing nostrils as it forcefeeds itself into nasal caverns. Well, that’s what the following national anthem fail invokes in my mind every time I press play (and replay). Don’t let me tell you how it should be though; take a deep breath for yourself and savor the airtaste. I hope you laugh and cringe as much as I did (and hopefully sans shartcidents).


 

Simon Phoenix

As you citizens know, I loves me some thrash. It’s one of the few genres of metal where I can enjoy the most generic bands without much analysis. But there’s a difference between generic but enjoyable and just plain bad. Thrash or Die go way past the point of generic right into the realm of laughable. Evile seem to be top notch compared to these guys.

What I want you to focus on though is 1:24 of this video. With Dr. Fukk (Simon says lame) bellowing “JUST WHEN THEY THOUGHT THEY KNEW THE ANSWERS, I CHANGED THE QUESTION” in his “I’m totally like Zetro but not really” voice, it goes into this terrible wet fart of a groove. It’s like a pimp was driving in his shiny pink Cadillac, a voluptuous lady of the night clinging lovingly to his shoulder, and then out of nowhere a flock of birds fly by and go to town on the thing, leaving it and its passengers a mess of white goop and pink metal. Horrible to start with; looks even worse afterwards. And yes I know they are supposed to be funny and tongue in cheek, but many other bands do it far better. Way to ruin the title of a great fighting game series, fucktards.

Simon says stay away for your own health.


 

Gurp

Lolbuttz.


 

Jack Bauer

Here’s my whiff of the week.


Iron Lawnmower

Try hard punk band with a rapist singer.


Nordling Rites ov Karhu

You may recall that I did address this problem earlier in the comments. Calling all NYHC bands “not real”. I have a problem with these bands. They do not rule. Madball does not rule.


Brock Samson

This isn’t so much of a bad riff.  This is more like the worst song ever created.  Yes, even worse than Axl’s taste in music (gasp)!


Jöhnny Crünch

A while ago I was listening to Sister Sin and it got me thinking about women in metal and that I should expand my horizons and discover more women in rawk. I heard the covers ep from Halestorm and figured that if they covered the likes of Skid Row, Gunners, and Temple Of The Dog that they were worth a shot. By the time I got to this song I bailed. I don’t know what’s worse, the generic riffs or the schoolgirl lyrics that set women in rock back 20 years. Fuck this band.


 

Janitor Jim

This song is one of the worst Blue Oyster Cult songs ever. I’m ashamed that they put this song on an already terrible album. Fuck Club Ninja.


Now it’s your turn, loyal readers. Which of these whiffs made you upchuck your leftover Thanksgiving turkey?

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 12-07-2014 10:00:00
end_date 12-08-2014 01:00:00
Poll Results:
Which of these whiffs made you upchuck your leftover Thanksgiving turkey?

Feel free to defend any of these choices in the comments section and tell me what a turd I am for my opinion. Also, if you hate something I love, send it to me for the next Whiff o’ the Week! All opinions here are strictly those of the writer in question, although most of them are correct.

(Photo VIA)

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  • MoshOff

    All That Remains (Which Is Barely Anything)

    • Xan

      When I listened to the new album, I continuously found myself asking where the metal was.

      • BLVKKBEVRD DVRKWORK

        Sounds like nu-metal to me. “I’m fucking superman, come on and check my plan” ….. srsly?

  • BLVKKBEVRD DVRKWORK

    Mariah Carey because Joe had the foreskin to put it on here and make me laugh at 10 in the morning.

    • more beer

      Not to mention that should be the end of her career. Fucking horrible.

      • But it’s not because tits.

        • more beer

          I`m not sure tits can save her unless she gets a job in a strip club after that performance.

  • Death

    oh god, oh no. Karhu gets my vote.

    • BLVKKBEVRD DVRKWORK

      They were all pretty bad, even for a WOTW

      • VVorld Peace

        This was an especially pungent week

  • Hubert, Goat ov Doom (and Void
    • Death

      *uncontrollable vomiting*

    • when the album drops, one of us (i vote me) should review it for the Tarlet and cause mass rustledom.

      • Hubert, Goat ov Doom (and Void

        I want to review it!

        • i change my vote to you!

        • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

          You should. Because the rest of us would flush it. Think of the comments, man.

      • Death

        You’d probably actually like it.

    • I mean the music isn’t awful, but his voice, oh my god his voice is so fucking annoying!

      • Hubert, Goat ov Doom (and Void

        YOU’RE JUST BUTTHURT THAT YOU CAN’T SING LIKE HIM #Djentlemen4life

        • “sing”

        • BLVKKBEVRD DVRKWORK

          Anyone can sing with enough filter passes and reverb.

  • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

    If you guise need something else in yer sunday than awful whiffs, I suggest Nistikko. Crusty grind somewhat in the vein of Rotten Sound, you’ll never guess from where.
    http://nistikko.bandcamp.com/album/keh

    • Death

      I see a familiar name on the “supported by” section.

      • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

        m/

    • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

      Wales?

      • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

        Whaaalessss!

    • Gvrp

      That’s some sikk shit… Wish it was Name Your Price…

      • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

        Ain’t the other full-length? I thought at least one was.

        • Gvrp

          Oh, there is! Havitys. Just had to look in their other releases. Sweet!
          And lol @ Auringon Kansa. That price.

          • Death

            It’s got a sweet tune. I say it’s worth it.

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            Auringon Känsä is a joke version of an earlier song (called auringon kansa, there is a huge difference). I don’t think it’s meant to be bought. Both LP’s do rule though!

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            Oh oh, Kehä is near-free too!

          • Gvrp

            Yeah, Keha’s really cheap, but I spent a little more than I should have pretty recently on Bandcamp stuff, so I’m going to hold off on anything over 5 USD for a while.

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            Oh yeah, 5EUR is a little more than that. I forgot.

    • buddy ole’ pal, i LOVE this. thank you

      • Death

        But you don’t like what I like!

  • IronLawnmower

    I was actually thinking about submitting thrash or die for next week this morning. They’re most generic rethrash band in a genre full of generic rethrash. Plus check out reviews for their album on MA. 3 reviews with an average of 0.

    • Gvrp

      One of those is from bitterman, lol.

      • IronLawnmower

        Is he known to be bitter?

        • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

          All 0% reviews. Strikes as more of a sourpuss

          • IronLawnmower

            Well he is a bitter man.

            Also vote for me you turds of misery.

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            Hell no! The Casualties ia Good!

          • IronLawnmower

            BUT THEY’RE TRYHARDZ ALSO THEIR SINGER IS LIKE THE JIMMY SAVILLE OF PUNK.

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            The singer’s shit, but they’re good music to drink to.

          • When that story broke about the Casualties dude I talked about it with a bunch of friends from back in the PUNX days. We had all, every one of us, seen or heard stories of the exact same kind of shit from that guy. It’s seriously a bummer.

          • IronLawnmower

            Also he sounds awful and drags the music down. The rest of the music is eh. I prefer the exploted.

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            Early Exploited was nothing special. But I like their more metallic adventures.

          • IronLawnmower

            THE MASSACRE!
            WHY?

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            That is good. By early I mean, EARLY. bsides massacre had begun the more metallic adventures

          • IronLawnmower

            Yeah their early stuff was kinda try hard “look how punk we r guize” but they evolved.

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            Troops of Tomorrow/Maggie are really the only good early punk songs they did.And Vader made the former better.

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            Or were you extending Massacre the band discussion to here.

          • IronLawnmower

            Keep my meat seperate from my potatoes.

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            So I thought.

          • Simon PhoenixKing

            Be careful with that. Remember what happened in the Casualties article on that other blog?

          • Barf. I had forgotten about that. Rape apologists can kiss 100% of my ass.

          • Simon PhoenixKing

            I’m trying to remember if it was an article about the singer of the Casualties or the singer of the Cro Mags. But yeah it was a very bitter war between a psycho Tumblr feminist and a bunch of scumbag rape apologists to determine who could make you want to kill yourself faster.

          • Death

            Sounds like a cool cat.

          • IronLawnmower

            Nihilism is cool and good.

      • Howard Dean

        bitterman is hilarious. It’s always a bummer at first when he destroys one of your favorite classic albums, but then you realize the guy is one of the few outright trolls to make it past the tough metal-archives admin radar. They let him continue because he actually makes some reasoned arguments, even if his scores are totally trolling.

        • Gvrp

          I really hope he was a troll. The thought of someone being sincere about all that is a little too beyond the pale. He’s been banned for a month or two, though.

          • Howard Dean

            I’m almost positive he is full troll. He’s just a very dedicated and convincing troll.

            I noticed his profile was missing, though his reviews are still up. I wonder if he had a run-in with someone on the forums.

    • Simon PhoenixKing

      Even their name is generic. Thrash or Die. Pfft. Why not just name your band “Prepare to Mosh?”

  • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

    Nice transcending there Phil. Can really feel the musicianship. Good job. Really interesting.

  • lol @ “Dr. Fukk”

  • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

    And here I thought nothing could make Heretic Anthem worse.

  • Death

    My reaction to “My Town”
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-AZs6yhiRms

  • VVorld Peace

    Is that All That Remains a sad attempt at djent?

    • BLVKKBEVRD DVRKWORK

      Didn’t we, as a whole, agree to abolish djent? Seems like they’re trying a workaround.

      • Gvrp

        I want to keep Animals As Leaders. And Vildhjarta. And Intervals.

        • Gvacamole Jim

          I do love me some Intervals.

          • Gvrp

            “Scene” bands that are actually pretty good are a real pleasant surprise for me.

        • Hubert, Goat ov Doom (and Void

          AND PERIPHERY

          • Gvrp

            Honestly, if they had a different singer I could probably get into them.

          • Hubert, Goat ov Doom (and Void

            The vocals on the last few songs they released are a lot better (I posted them below). If you hated the vocals on earlier releases you’ll probably still hate them though.

          • VVorld Peace

            I’ve hated the vocals on every Periphery song ever.

          • Hubert, Goat ov Doom (and Void

            I hate the vocals on the first album. They’re better on the second one, and slightly worse on the EP. Those last few songs surprised me though. The vocals had a lot more feel to them to me, and the transitions from harsh to clean were more fluent. The vocals melodies were also a lot better.

          • VVorld Peace

            I won’t let this affect our relationship. You are my brother in skronk.

          • Hubert, Goat ov Doom (and Void

            SKRONK >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Djent,

          • VVorld Peace

            I’m sorry, goat, but this is where you and I disagree.

          • Hubert, Goat ov Doom (and Void

            I’m sorry, but this is where I’m right you’re wrong.

          • BLVKKBEVRD DVRKWORK

            You’re both wrong.

          • JWG

            ^ Schrödjentger’s Cat: Periphery will either be kept or not kept, but only when observed and measured directly.

            …however, this only applies at a gig in Copenhagen.

        • BLVKKBEVRD DVRKWORK

          Animals as leaders = / = Djent, really

          • Gvrp

            B-b-b-but 8-strings! And semi-formal attire!

        • Death

          Let’s not keep AAL.

          • BLVKKBEVRD DVRKWORK

            I understand that you dont like much of anything, Death. Tosin Abasi, however, will keep my vote.

          • Death

            It’s over, man.

          • BLVKKBEVRD DVRKWORK

            You never gave us a chance!

          • Death

            It’s kind of fucking hard when you like AAL!

          • BLVKKBEVRD DVRKWORK

            Admittedly, I saw Tosin Abasi wayyyyyy back when he used to play for the band Reflux (awesome). I’ve been a fan ever since. He’s a superb guitar player, regardless of what you think of his compositions.

          • Death

            In my opinion he has a bad case of “good player, shitty music”.

          • Elite Extremöphile

            well in my opinion you don’t like music

          • Death

            1v1 me mate!

          • Elite Extremöphile

            even if I lose, all your robes are gonna be scratched up and covered in hair! meet me behind the school at 3!

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            Sinä ja minä, liikennevaloissa.

          • Elite Extremöphile

            ich nicht hablo español, mein amigo

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            Men sprechen sie Finglish?
            Tämä hetki saa minut aivovauriooon?
            *sung in a broken voice*

          • Elite Extremöphile

            ñëïñ

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            Zat ist zad.

          • Death

            I’ve been blessed by Shrek. You’re going down!

          • Elite Extremöphile

            M A X I M U M O G R E D R I V E

          • Death

    • MoshOff

      Yes, and I’d never thought I’d say this but I’d rather hear them play Radio Rock than this. Jesus.

    • the solo was laughable. i think i remember them being able to do solos a decade ago…

    • They are trying to be heavy or whatever to please fans but they clearly are not capable of it anymore.

      • Elite Extremöphile

        they transcended metal, don’t you remember? there was a whole thing about it! they’re just too talented for the metal world, and we’re just too close minded to appreciate their nickleback-esque choruses.

        • …Ellipsis…

          The only thing worse than being Nickleback, is Nickleback-esque…

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

      Why can’t they disband already? They suck live and their music is only getting worse.

    • They’ve transcended “metal” remember?

  • voting for Periphery because, I quote: “lolbuttz”

  • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

    I vote for W as the biggest whiff of the week, for misspelling my name. Also Casualties is good #GetRekt

    • He was likely as disgusted as I by your disparagement of Madball.

      • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

        Nordling Rites ov Rustling Jimmies.

      • Gvacamole Jim

        Sorry Joe…. that song fucking blew.

      • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

        I’d also like to point out early in the game, that Madball shares the lead position.

    • VVorld Peace

      You have to earn the v.

      • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

        Teach me, master.

        • VVorld Peace

          Fixed and fixed.

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            I learn. Thank you, master

        • Death

          He’d teach you, but he’d have to charge.

          • VVorld Peace

            My milkshakes, however, are free.

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            Dammit!

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

      No. I like Trapt and their acoustic album which that came from was good.

      • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

        He didn’t spell my name correctly. Had never heard of Trapt and that was… inoffensive in all it’s blandness.

  • Gvrp

    That fucking accoustic album didn’t have “Still Frame” or “Stand Up.”
    *flush*

    • Lacertilian

      You got my vote this whiffeek Gvrp!
      I did not know that that existed.
      No need to push play, Periphery covering Slipknot makes me fear for the children growing up these days.
      *rocks chair while shaking fist madly*

      • Gvrp

        Just think, tomorrow’s bands will be covering Avenged Sevenfold.

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

      I love Trapt but those were some critical omissions from their acoustic album.

      • Gvrp

        Seriously.

        • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

          I regret not seeing them when they came near me in September. They performed the self titled album in full.

          • Gvrp

            Ooh, yeah, ouch, that probably won’t happen again.
            I’m honestly surprised they’re still touring and releasing new material.

  • Gvacamole Jim

    What was the initial quote from?

    • VVorld Peace

      Crime and Punishment, brah.

      • Gvacamole Jim

        Egg on my face… I fucking love that book. That’s embarrassing.

  • all right Jackspire, you win again. some of the choices were fish in a barrel, but ATR actually thinks they’re doing something legitimate.

  • i like being among people who hate punk as much as me!

    • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

      No one hates punk. I’d ask you to leave but I find myself becoming rather fond of you.
      (The lifeloving, it hurts)

      • BLVKKBEVRD DVRKWORK

        I pretty much hate punk.

        • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

          *sniff* you don’t mean that.

          • BLVKKBEVRD DVRKWORK

            Sry Bear-san 🙁 I do like henry rollins (but not black flag)

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            A slight relief is that I’m not big on Black Flag either.

      • i edited it for lifeloving.

  • VVorld Peace

    I’m torn between my boundless hatred for Periphery and the absolutely awful lyrics of Heretic Anthem, my endless disgust with that “My Town” song, and my extreme contempt for Lzzy Hale.

    • I like halestorm, let’s fight

      • VVorld Peace

        That doesn’t surprise me.

      • VVorld Peace

        I’m with you on a lot of things, but Halestorm is just the same generic low-effort radio rock that does a lot to devalue women in rock.

        • I just like her voice, I agree the lyrics are pretty low effort.

          • VVorld Peace

            Fair enough.

        • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

          You picked my former ringtone as whiff of the week. What was that for?

          • VVorld Peace

            Because it’s terrible.

        • Backed 100%

          Fuck Halestorm.

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

      What about my crappy song?

  • KJM

    Destroying a classic Roddy Piper line? That gets my vote.

  • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

    My god, what IS that My Town… it’s horrible.

    • BLVKKBEVRD DVRKWORK

      I might’ve voted for your Luca Turilli track, Two Rivers, but I can’t disparage the only power metal (outside of mine and a few others’ comments) that the toilet proffers.

  • Good god, that my town has to be a joke right?….right?

    • this is my town get it right it ain’t none yo bisness

    • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

      I was hoping so too

    • yeah but we once thought Rebecca Blvck to be a joke too…

      • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

        She… wasn’t?

        • Gvacamole Jim

          No man, she was for real. Which makes her the biggest joke of all.

    • BLVKKBEVRD DVRKWORK

      I’ll add this girl to my kidnap list, only not for the Aubrey Plaza reasons.

  • Death
    • BLVKKBEVRD DVRKWORK

      America says I can’t watch it.

      • Death

        God dammit Finland!

      • at least there’s a good TayTay video above for us to watch!

        • Death

          “Good”

      • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

        You lost nothing. Listen to that Madball song Joe linked above and imagine less stop/start.

    • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

      Nyt täytyy keksiä, kuka saa seksiä! Oujee!
      *barf* lehden kanteen! Lehden kanteen!

      • Death

        By the way, your opinion on the new CMX song? I liked it.

        • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

          Oh crap, I forgot to listen to it. Going now.

        • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

          The intro stuff was really good, the rest was okay. Somehow getting a little bland.

          • Death

            It’s nowhere near as good as Aion, but listenable.

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            Aion kuunnella the whole album before the final judgement

  • KJM

    So, that’s what “Hardcore” sounds like now? That’s a far cry from the days of SS Decontrol and Gang Green.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zt-C7ZTFxbQ

    • Madball has been around for 25 years. Nordling picked their most recent tune. It’s gonna sound a little different but yeah, a ton of the stuff has an almost hip hop influence.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMUd6ADsCgU

      • KJM

        Even this is still a long ways away from the 30-60 trainwreck that was your average Hardcore song in the early 80s.

        • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

          My biggest beef with them is, my kinda HC is Terveet Kädet, Bad Jesus Experience and the first Agnlstic Front releases to name a NYHC band as well. I’ve got no beef with their fans or anything, I just refuse to fathom them.

          • It’s funny you mention agnostic front because Madball started with most of the same members of AF and played AF material.

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            I know they did. Isn’t FCricien cousin or step brother of AF frontman too? I just think that AF left punk behind too after a couple of releases. United in Pain though.

          • Yep, half brother I think. And it seems like most of the bands from that era embraced metal sounds later in their career. It makes sense though. I would bet these guys felt stagnant as artists when following the punk convictions of writing the same songs over and over again.

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            I think most punk from anywhere went metal at one point or called it quits, some came back and some didn’t. I guess anyone would get tired if they hadn’t made these choices.

          • more beer

            Freddy is Rodgers brother. I saw Freddy sing for Agnostic Front when he was like 12. Vinny Stigma was missing so Rodger played guitar and had his little brother sing.

        • Outside of reunions and terrible novelty acts (like cerebral ballzy), that sound has kinda been left behind and its often difficult to discern a difference between current hardcore and metal.

          • KJM

            It’s been going that way since the late 80s really.

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            Nuh-uh. There are still a ton of HC bands that, while don’t exactly do the same sound, have next to nothing to do with metal.

      • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

        Madball comes to my area more than once yearly. Same goes for a lot of other hardcore bands.

        • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

          I have one to three HC gigs worth going (for cheap) to a week ’round me. FHC center.

      • BLVKKBEVRD DVRKWORK

        All babies should be allowed to own guns.

      • more beer

        Fuck yea Joe the riffs in this song are fucking brutal.

      • Lacertilian

        YOU KEEP PUSHIN’ ME!

    • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

      Also Gang Green is good but Tankard owned Alcohol.

      • Altairs of Madness

        I maintain that Gang Green’s version is the best version.

        • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

          Nah. Each to his own and stuff. I dig GG, but am a Tankard fan, and the crossover thing they got going on is awesome. Also was the first version my ears familirized themselves with.

  • And Joe will forever curse my name and banish me from the toilet, but here’s the second worst, and the biggest Janel Monae ripoff on the planet:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfWlot6h_JM

  • BLVKKBEVRD DVRKWORK

    Here’s my pick for biggest hip-hop whiff OF THE YEAR. I had huge hopes for this album to redeem the “it pretty much sucks” mixtape ROYALTY. This whole album is a departure from the cheeky-funny old Sick-Boi stuff Childish used to do. This is about one of the first bumpable tracks from a hugeee mixtape. I’ll flush this album (coming from a fanboy)
    http://youtu.be/qhUyit-rYLk

    • VVorld Peace

      I really like “Heartbeat”

      • BLVKKBEVRD DVRKWORK

        Yeah, but if you asked me CAMP marked his decline despite having some good songs on it.

        • VVorld Peace

          Fair enough. I’m not as familiar with pre-camp.

          • BLVKKBEVRD DVRKWORK

            Culdesac is his best album, without hesitation. You should def. check it out.

          • VVorld Peace

            Will do!

        • I actually really enjoyed CAMP but he’s definitely been in decline since then. Your comment about Culdesac being his best is spot on. That shit is unfuckwitable, and crazy refreshing.

      • BLVKKBEVRD DVRKWORK

        Man, I’m still raging. Whatever happened to this Childish:
        http://youtu.be/27d138zhyZQ

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

      My whiff of the year is below. I still can’t believe Yes could make an album this bad. Fuck the new Yes album and please for the love of god retire already.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tw7nJSW7XTU

      • BLVKKBEVRD DVRKWORK

        I honestly didn’t know they were still making music.

      • KJM

        Why even bother without Jon Anderson?

        • Death

          Go and tell it to them.

          • KJM

            It should be self evident.

          • Death

            Aparently not to them.

          • KJM

            I guess everybody needs a hobby when they get older.

          • Death

            Golf would be better than making shitt music.

        • Tom Waits For Better Days

          But… but… Drama, man

  • In a whole other note, a god amongst mortal men won the Peabody Award:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OHfuvoG4Et4

    • KJM

      I don’t watch his show as much as I used to, but Anthony Bourdain fucking rocks.

    • BLVKKBEVRD DVRKWORK

      Deserves it/100

    • Simon PhoenixKing

      Bourdain and Gordon Ramsay need to make a buddy road trip special. I would watch the shit out of that.

      • JWG

        Knowing TV execs they’d want to wedge Guy Inferiori into the mix and ruin it completely.

        Otherwise it could be like “The Trip” but with much more swearing and fewer impressions.

      • BLVKKBEVRD DVRKWORK

        I can only imagine this show ending abruptly when Bourdain murders Ramsay.

        • more beer

          That would be a ratings bonanza!!

  • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

    I like Trapt so I did not vote for that as my choice. My whiff is just so bad that I had to vote for it.

    • VVorld Peace

      Self-voting is for politicians, Jimbo.

      • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

        If I had to pick a song that wasn’t mine I would pick Jack’s song. I hate All That Remains enough to vote for them as whiff of the week.

    • Death

      Dude, taht’s twice in a row.

      • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

        I won’t do it again but there’s nothing you can do about me having done it today. What will you do? Will you take someone I care about?

        • Death

          I will stare at you with disappointed eyes.

  • Scrimm

    W gets the nod again. I didn’t even have to listen.

    • VVorld Peace

      It’s terribad. Some of my friends from HS are still into Trapt. I just don’t get the appeal of radio rock.

    • I clicked play out of morbid curiosity. It is truly awful. W. wins.

      • VVorld Peace

        There’s an entire album full of that crap.

      • Scrimm

        I almost did but I managed to deny that urge.

  • FeelTheDarkness

    Fuck The Casualties. I have had the displeasure of playing a few shows with them over the years and let me tell you they are the biggest cocks not named Total Chaos or Lagwagon.

    • I’m not surprised, they seem like total dicks. Lagwagon is a little surprising though.

      • FeelTheDarkness

        Yeah they kinda surprised me too when they pulled their diva act not once not twice but three times. Rancid guys are cocks too.

        • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

          A friend of mine nicked a stick from Rancid’s drummer during a set and stuck it up his arse, though sadly not at the same time.

      • I think that the Casualties vocalist was involved in some rape-stuff, isn’t it?

        • FeelTheDarkness

          Yeah he was. He is a fucking scumbag.

      • Tyree

        Jake is super cool man, I hung out with him a bunch although he is bit of a womanizer. Never met the vocalist though.

    • more beer

      HAHAHAHAHAHa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • BLVKKBEVRD DVRKWORK
  • Simon PhoenixKing

    My vote goes to Papa Joe. Hearing Mariah sound that bad saddens me. I may have to blow up a shopping mall to get over my disillusionment.

  • BLVKKBEVRD DVRKWORK

    Hey @PrincePoopyPanties:disqus .. I just wanted to forewarn you that tonight at 8:45PM ?? EST, Seth Rogan and James Franco will be on a short episode of Naked & Afraid on Discovery Channel. This will be your perfect chance to seduce . . I mean destroy him.

  • JWG

    I suspect Joe has found the worst whiff of the decade, but I’m too concerned for the safety of my ears and fragile mind to press play.

    So my vote will go elsewhere.

    Also: BOC did not record any albums after FOUO other than Imaginos, and you can’t convince me otherwise. So I can’t vote for JJD’s clearly fictional pick.

    So my vote still goes elsewhere.

    Then there are bunch of bands I’ve never heard of. And two I’ve heard of but never heard. But hey. I recognize Halestorm. And I’ve heard that tune. And the whiff is clear.

    • KJM

      Hey! ‘Shooting Shark’ is a good song, may even be their last good song.

    • Johnny Thrashn’Crunch

      So you’re the one person. Thanks man.

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

      Does that mean my whiff was so bad it doesn’t exist?

  • JWG

    Also RE: hardcore:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hco47BGuz5M

    7 years later I’m still undecided whether *I* consider this ‘Riff’ or ‘Whiff’ worthy, because it’s a strange mix of awful and awesome with very little mediocre glue in between.

    Just like every other Canadian hardcore band that got mainstream notice last decade it’s got a bit too much “post-hardcore” in its interpretation of hardcore (thank you very much alexisonfire). But I do still revisit it and the album it came from every now and then.

    Bonus video from their mid-2010 “last gig ever” (until later this month anyway):

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21I2Ix1LKVE

    • Wow. There are so many whiffs AND riffs in this tune. It is definitely lulzy and stupid but also kinda jammy. So confusing!

  • Altairs of Madness

    I agree Nordling Rites, never been too much into the NYHC scene aside from Carnivore and Biohazard. My best friend and dude who I wanna start a band with, on the other hand has gotten so massively into the whole working-class skin (NOT the Nazis, he is incredibly against that) thing which I have really found no appeal in. Plus the pants way above his waist coupled with the suspenders is lolbuttz on so many levels. Also I had no interest in pulling musical influence from NYHC bands as much.

  • Max

    Serious question re Madball: What IS it with NYC bands and photos/video shoots of them sitting/hanging around on the street in front of shops? (I’ve noticed it’s usually the fattest band member sitting down, if it’s only one of them.) I swear I have seen images like this courtesy of Biohazard, Life of Agony, and a whole bunch more. Is it just what everybody does in New York, or only hardcore bands and Irish / hispanic hip hop acts? Seriously. Does anyone want to enlighten my backwater-dwelling ass?

    • KJM

      That’s “Generic NYC Band Music Video 101”. It will differ slightly depending on which Borough you are form.

    • FeelTheDarkness

      Probably because they don’t have jobs

      • Max

        Neither do black metal bands, probably; but at least they head out to the forest for their photo and video shoots. NYC bands can’t seem to venture any further than Biohazard Pizza or Murphy’s Law Drugstore.

        • Howard Dean

          Urban sprawl. It takes effort to truly “get out” of a city like New York.

          Plus, loitering is tough as fuck! It’s an arrestable offense!

          • Max

            But how come they never loiter in the subway? In Central Park? In the lobby of the Daily Planet building? It’s always out front of a pawnbroker or a pizza bar or CBGB’s or something.

          • Howard Dean

            Because hunger (pizza bar). And poverty (pawnbroker). THUG LIFE.

          • Max

            Hunger = Cookie Monster. Poverty = Oscar. GROUCH LIFE.

    • more beer

      It`s more just the lifestyle there. You meet your friends out on the block and that’s where you hang out.

    • Johnny Thrashn’Crunch

      Life of Agony are a hardcore band?

      • Max
        • Johnny Thrashn’Crunch

          Okiedokes

  • No songs I love were harmed in the making of this post. I approve.

  • Lacertilian

    @disqus_kqxyUNPxty:disqus are you hacking me dude?
    I have the picture for this article as one of my scrolling background/wallpapers on this laptop. I don’t approve of the use of M.C Escher for whiff-clicks.
    Jimmies are a rustlin’ over here.

  • OldMetalHead

    Other than “My Town” this is worse than anything posted
    http://youtu.be/gaAYRhj9mdg

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

      Fuck these guys. I saw them live and even though they weren’t half bad they were playing with Black Veil Brides who are the worst. They fucking sucked live.

      • KJM

        I can only hope you were there because of a woman that you eventually managed to sleep with. Are you on Twitter?

        • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

          I don’t use Twitter. I was there because I was dragged there by one of my friends.