Whiff o’ the Week (12/14/14)

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She’d brooded on her loss, misery had brewed
In her heart, that female horror, Grendel’s
Mother, living in the murky cold lake
Assigned her since Cain had killed his only
Brother, slain his father’s son
With an angry sword.

It is time now for the festering worm of vengeance brooding deep within your heart to be unfettered. Unleash your fury against the greatest of all grievances in 2014. This is Whiff o’ the Week Year!

Last week I asked you which whiff spoiled your appetite. Interestingly, there was a three-way split between Mariah Carey‘s Christmas kerfuffle, All That Remains’ transcendence, and whatever the hell “My Town” is. Therefore, let your adulation fall upon the rank Cerberus that is Joe/Jack Bauer/Brock Samson.

3-way

 

Next week, we have a very special topic. Your objective: Present the weakest song by a band on your top 10 list of 2014. What was that one dud on an otherwise stellar effort? Choose! Just a reminder though: don’t forget to give me a SONG and a BLURB.

All week we have celebrated the heights of glory achieved by metal in 2014. However, today is not a day for merrymaking. Today is a day of mourning as we lament the greatest atrocities committed in 2014. Today we decide the the single worst song of 2014. Let the stone-throwing begin.


 

W.

I try to avoid bad metal like the plague, so I had to do some digging/soul-searching to find a suitable blunder. But my exploration yielded putrid fruit. As it turns out, The Amity Affliction released a song called “F.M.L.” Apparently FML in this circumstance stands for “Find My Light,” but it might as well mean “Flush My Life” with how awful this song is. That title alone is sufficiently cringeworthy itself for a nomination, but then I listened to the actual song. There isn’t a single noteworthy or interesting or original element here. This band should be ashamed of releasing something so trite and boring in 2014. FML indeed.


Papa Joe

My Whiff of the Year (WotY™) goes squarely to Godsmack for having the gall to still exist. J/K, everyone has to make their paper somehow, and I don’t begrudge any motherfucker his success for doing his thing. Unless that thing is making paint by numbers bullshit that is designed to give lowest common denominator rednecks a soundtrack for drunk driving. Let’s give it up for “F.M.L.” by Godsmack who somehow thought it was a fresh idea to put out a song called “Fuck My Life” in the year of our lord two thousand and fourteen. Did Sully Erna finally get around to catching a 2007 Judd Apatow film? Is he just now discovering ancient memes? Will he release a song next year about planking? Hopefully, but regardless it will sound exactly like this song, which is to say it will sound exactly like every other Godsmack song. You know when the clean guitar lines and chunky power chords will give way to a shitty wah solo. Quit buying Godsmack records America/shittier parts of Canada.


Leif Bearikson

I don’t even know where to begin with this one. Within one minute it goes from the world’s most generic core-of-the-week, to nu metal, to the alt rock stylings of acoustic Nickelback, and then into some truly awful pop metal chorus. Oh, and did I mention the speedy rap section in the middle? If this isn’t the worst thing you’ve heard all year, you’re a fucking liar.


Nordling Rites ov Karhu

I didn’t want to choose an easy whiff. Not too easy anyways. So I thought of all the albums and songs that sucked this year and chose all that were not condemned to do so from the beginning. Iced Earth‘s Plagues of Babylon stood as one such album. Gone are the striking thrashy riffs and powerful, soaring melodies that once dominated this battlefield. In fact they have been gone for a while and it certainly isn’t because Schaffer is missing; he just ain’t that good anymore (or ever). These songs are bland and powerless metal that don’t exactly know what kind of songs they want to be. And among these songs one particularly bad one stands out. “Among The Living Dead.” Hansi Kursch is supposed to be singing on this one, but he has been buried so deep he’s practically undetectable. Is he doing the woo-oo’s? Backing the chorus ooh’s? I can’t tell, and it’s a crime against humanity to do that to Hansi Kursch.


Ellipsis

Fun Fact: Ill Niño is still making music. Sad Fact: They made this song. The whole thing is a big ol’ pile of meh, an earnest pump up song that’s as life-affirming as cleaning your teeth. @2:57 they decide to breakdown like it’s 2004, before returning to the chorus that’s so bland, you truly believe Cristian Machado when he shouts “Let’s get high, we don’t give a fuck.”


Jöhnny Thrashncrünch

Unlike most of you toilet dwellers, I’m a fan of Steel Panther. My intro to metal as a youngster was the likes of Mötley Crüe, Poison, Bon Jovi, Gunners, etc. so I could appreciate SP for their musical ability; their misogynistic lyrics and toilet humour were just a bonus. Also, they’re tonnes of fun live. All You Can Eat on the other hand saw an album that failed for the most part to capture the humour and the rockin’ music of the first two, and it’s songs like this one that made AYCE more flush than crush.


MoshOff

This is too advanced to try to comment on. Bravo, Ronnie Radke, bravo.


McNulty

I listened to the entire album Black Widow. It was painful, but A) I had to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating, B) I had to Soundcloud a “lolbuttz” into every track, and C) I wanted to find the perfect whiff for best-of 2014.

“Even in these chains, you can’t stahp me.”

Trend hoppers. Dez Fafara, Robb Flynn, Max Cavalera … Maria Brink? Nope, In This Moment has chosen to regress to what is arguably the stinkiest era of metal: nu-metal. Their most recent album Black Widow must have been recorded in 2001, and they’re just now releasing it to the world.

“Stay the fuck, stay the fuck, stay the fuck out of my head!”

Teenage angst. Simple, down-tuned chuggy riffs. Samples. The stuttering effect (is my Internet connection struggling? nope). Time for a guitar solo? Nah, let’s just repeat the main riff, but a little heavier, and sprinkle some spoken word over it. If this album WASN’T recorded in 2001, one has to wonder “what were they thinking?” Maybe they thought, “hey our fanbase is young enough to not have experienced nu-metal, so they’ll just eat this up!” Maybe they lost a bet, I don’t know! It hurts my head trying to rationalize this album.

“You see I am the wolf, And this dirty, little piggy lives inside of me.”


Stockhausen

I had never heard King 810 prior to today, but I had heard plenty of hubbub over these guys on various blogs, and I already knew they were awful. I didn’t need to try a bunch of different songs to find the worst one, I knew that if I picked any King 810 song it would automatically be the worst song of the year. Between angsty garbage lyrics, a vocalist who very clearly is stretching himself for even the most basic scream, and music that first debuted on every Slipknot album ever, whatever song I just listened to is officially the worst song of the year.


Simon Phoenix

But Simon, you say, this doesn’t sound so bad. Why are you picking this as your whiff of the year over songs from In Flames or Attila or Rings of Saturn or Emmure? The answer is simple. I fully expected all of the new releases from all of those bands to suck. This sack of hot wet garbage is from a band I actually enjoyed and still released decent material. This is not the band that made Bloody Vengeance or Anthropology or even Ratrace. That to me hurts far more than anything coming out of Frankie Palmeri or Anders or Chris Fronzak’s camp. And when you have fellow Brazilians Korzus and JackDevil putting out far better music this year, that leaves no excuse. I don’t expect anyone to vote for this, and that’s fine. But you are a fucking failure in MY eyes Vulcano. And that’s all that matters.


Janitor Jim

I love Zakk Wylde’s work with Ozzy and his early Black Label Society output, but now he needs to retire. Fuck this generic song and its generic shitty album.


Guacamole Jim

I don’t expect bands to be groundbreaking to be good. Hell, I love generic music; I often jam to Charli XCX, Katy Perry, Taylor Swift (to mention but a few). But when I heard Arch Enemy‘s newest material, I thought to myself: “how could a band that was as boring as Arch Enemy to begin with get WORSE?” Magically, they did. And if their goal was to create the absolute pinnacle of what cliché metal music could be, then mission accomplished! Everything I’ve heard from War Eternal sounds pathetic. It’s uninspired heavy metal garbage. Paint-by-the numbers music should have some kind of redeeming individuality, but War Eternal could have been made by literally any other melodic death metal band (and probably would have been done better). On the title track, the most interesting thing that happens is the drummer playing 16th notes on the kick, through the entire song. And that is, by far, the most captivating aspect of this insipid compilation of musical banality — which goes to show you just how trite the rest of the song is. The saddest part of listening to any other song from this album is that the 16th note kick drum pattern is still more interesting than literally everything else everyone else has to offer. Which is not to say a steady 16th note kick drum pattern is interesting — because it’s really not — but it is trying to make a point about this album’s quality, much like saying: “I’m sure glad that when I got kicked in the nuts it didn’t rupture anything!” It’s a pretty piss poor silver lining.


Rho Stone

FLAME SHIELD ON!


 

David

Anything Babymetal.  Any of it!

 


Scrimm

This year saw a lot of turds dropped among all the great stuff, but this one floats at the top above all the others. The opening riff is a glorious fart, and it only gets worse from there. Pale, washed out retreads of past glories. And those vocals. Oh lord. I can hardly believe this is the same guy that used to be one of my favorite vocalists. Upon pressing play on this thing the unfortunate listener is subjected to an alternating assault of laughable and cringe worthy moments. It’s not that they changed style, it’s that they changed into something that sucks. This sounds like if U2 tried to be a metal band.


Jack Bauer

As if we all weren’t annoyed at iTunes enough for the U2 debacle, they have now chosen, over all the amazing albums that came out, this garbage, as their album of the year.


Ghost Flusher

Oh man. I’m gonna get so much shit for this. But(t) fuck it. It’s 2014. I really don’t think it needs to be said, but apparently y’all love Slipknot (aka SlapKnuTs). This is a band who should be dead and forgotten like most of their nü metal brethren, but they’re still selling out stadiums, still headlining festivals, and still remaining relevant. Now here’s my question. WHY? Why the fuck do people give a shit still?!?! It’s 2014, guys, Slipknot is as relevant as- oh wait the 90’s are making a comeback I get it now. But of all the songs I could have chosen, I chose the closing track, because at least the rest of them know to clock it in before they hit the five minute mark, but the unforgivable 6:20 runtime makes it my absolute Whiff ov the Year.


Alright, flushalos. What was the biggest whiff of 2014?

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 14-12-2014 10:00:00
end_date 15-12-2014 01:00:00
Poll Results:
What was the biggest whiff of 2014?

Feel free to defend any of these choices in the comments section and tell me what a turd I am for my opinion. Also, if you hate something I love, send it to me for the next Whiff o’ the Week! All opinions here are strictly those of the writer in question, although most of them are correct.

(Photo VIA)

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  • Death

    Oh my, they’re all so bad! Hard choice i dag.
    Unrelated: Dragon Age Inquisition is too damn addictive!

  • Glock Jim

    Oh hell. King 810, Babymetal, In This Moment, and In Flames?? IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO CHOOSE.

    lol jk it’s not – In This Moment is ultimately most deserving of a flush down the deepest, darkest, smelliest Toilet ov Hell! THE FLUSH PREVAILS

    • <3 i went into this thinking "i'm definitely voting myself"… i'm two videos in and my head has already imploded.

      • VVorld Peace

        Running the FML gauntlet?

        • Glock Jim

          That was insane. I watched yours, and thought “Whew! I’m very glad that’s over with.”

          Then I saw Joe’s, and just about cried.

        • and you thought yours was a whiff.

          • VVorld Peace

            I know. I thought I had a solid choice, but then I started listening to the others.

    • This one I’ll agree is awful, even though I like some of their other stuff. This one is maximum PEEEE-YEW!

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJDAgMVzNto

  • MoshOff

    Everyone who decides of their own volition to hit play on the Falling in Reverse video: if you do so, PLEASE watch until the end for maximum trollbuttz.

    • yesyesyes, it was fantastic! love how Kewlio is just hangin’ around, validating the whole thing

      • MoshOff

        I think if he would have suspected the amount of “success” the cover was going to have he would have guested on the track, they did the video after the song was gaining recognition.

    • VVorld Peace

      I can’t believe Coolio signed off on this atrocious cover.

      • …Ellipsis…

        $$$

        • VVorld Peace

          Ah. I see now.

      • MoshOff

        Ronnie Radke is apparently really convincing. And a world-class troll.

      • Coolio chooses to associate with juggalos nowadays. His judgement is suspect at best.

  • VVorld Peace

    I honestly can’t believe that a band could release something like Leif’s video in 2014.

    • Stan Laurel

      Pure comedy.

  • dude Lie or Liar has another (though it’s the same) song!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQOZKMFjaTA

    • VVorld Peace

      I don’t think I can listen to another one by them. My body isn’t ready.

    • BLVKKBEVRD’S VCHING VDORVTION

      So many of these videos I have to turn down my music so my neighbors dont think I actually listen to this.

      That aside, I dont think these gays can decide whether they want to go FULL CRAB or not.

      • …Ellipsis…

        It’s like they’re deliberately stopping themselves from going Full Crab (trademark?) I will deliberately try to forget their name…

        • BLVKKBEVRD’S VCHING VDORVTION

          I keep most of my phrases under a fair use policy, so as not to deny them to the rest of the world.

          • …Ellipsis…

            Trve Pirate

  • Death

    Spooky Scary Skeletons send strongers shivers down my spine than That ITM video. Yer tryin too hard to be spooky!

    • VVorld Peace

      2spoopy4me

  • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

    That In This Moment song was pretty fun in my opinion, not exactly superb or anything but still fun. I’m going to need some serious therapy for that Lie Or Liar though.

    • i’m okay not winning. some of those other picks are 10x worse than ITM. but i included them because they were once OKAY metal

  • Get your pitchforks ready………….. I like King 810 and Babymetal. NYEAH!!!!

    Now, if you want a genuine clunker for the year:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKBXlfj_lrM

    It’s gonna take me a moment to think of the worst metal song of the year, so here’s this gem for you in the meantime!

    • Glock Jim

      This guy is atrocious, but nothing matches the absolute hilarity of R.A.E.D.

      I swear he’s not listening to the same song that’s playing in the background of his “rapping.”

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDspPjlySyg&spfreload=10

    • more beer

      This guy needs his mouth duct taped shut and needs to be thrown off that bridge!!!

    • BLVKKBEVRD’S VCHING VDORVTION

      *imposes metal embargo on KJU’s bestbestbest Korea*

      • *imposes embargo on your use of V’s*

        Hah, without V’s in your name, you are indeed powerless! *plays with my mustache, bows my head back and lets out maniacal laughter*

        • BLVKKBEVRD’S VCHING VDORVTION

          you should totes use “KJU’s maniacal mustache” or some variant.

    • i didn’t vote Babymetal because if you remove the shit from it, i heard some passable — decent even — metal!

      • BLVKKBEVRD’S VCHING VDORVTION

        this. that and, as we should all know, i’m a huge pervert. also a big j-metal fan.

  • D. Lee

    remember when ITM were just barely mediocre enough for no one to give a shit about? Also, I never paid much attention to In Flames before, save for Take This Life, which I just COULDN’T escape when it came out, but I didn’t think that siren charms song was THAT BAD.

  • half the fun of these is watching the respective videos!
    BTW @Stockhausen:disqus don’t insult Slipknot like that.

  • TomWarriorsBeanie

    All so bad! Definitely going with King though solely for having the nerve to taint the name of the glorious murder mitten with their presence.

  • KJM

    It may be low hanging fruit but yeah, fuck Godsmack.

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

      I still can’t believe someone put the title track of my favorite latter day In Flames album here. It was one of the best tracks on the album!

      • VVorld Peace

        I think you and GL are alone in digging that album. The majority here did not.

        • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

          I still consider it better than all the albums post Clayman. Reroute sucked, I hated Soundtrack To Your Escape, I cannot get through Come Clarity or A Sense Of Purpose and I refuse to listen to Sounds Of A Playground Fading again because it’s so bad.

      • KJM

        Jimmies = Rustled

        • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

          I love the new In Flames album so much. I still don’t get why me and GL are the only ones who defend it.

  • KJM

    Oh Maria, you ARE a dirty, naughty little piggy. You must be punished…

    Um, excuse me I have to go do something

  • BLVKKBEVRD’S VCHING VDORVTION

    Every week, whiffs just make me want to abandon my usual MO and go on a murdering (cleansing) spree. Since it was pretty much a toss up, I’m going to go ahead and vote forrrrr GLOCK JIM BLAT BLAT BLAT. Simply because there was no mention of Jeff Loomis

  • okay, this week I’m going to do the Goat thingy:

    W. – i thought this was bad until i got further down…
    Papa Joe – see above
    Leif Bearikson – i can’t believe what i’m seeing/hearing. i love you.
    Nordling Rites ov Karhu – it’s bad but this is what they’ve been doing for 20 years.
    Ellipsis – you win today. maybe. you’ll at least tie with the winner.
    Jöhnny Thrashncrünch – it’s not good or funny, but the music is at least passable.
    MoshOff – i busted a cringe fuse. tied with Ellipsis.
    McNulty – i don’t deserve to win. things in here are MUCH worse.
    Stockhausen – don’t knock The Slipnutz like that. it’s bad but not BAD bad.
    Simon Phoenix – wasn’t terrible. but your writeup >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.
    Janitor Jim – generic yes, but it didn’t give me an aneurysm.
    Guacamole Jim – see above. plus Alyssa makes my bathing suit area tingle.
    Rho Stone – i like this! am i wrong?
    David – my first time hearing this band. you’re in the running…
    Scrimm – that was actually catchy. oh fuck what’s wrong with me??
    Jack Bauer – bad but i still didn’t die from it.
    Ghost Flusher – new Slipknot had a few moments of rocket sprinkled through it.

    thank you all. this has been some of the most fun i’ve had in the Toilet thus far!

    http://www.american-buddha.com/ghostbust.278f.gif

    • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

      Nah, I liked Dystopia. And it’s the Hansi’s not there that doesn’t rub me the right way.
      @Leif Bearikson: *Barf* Where did you find this filth.

    • VVorld Peace

      You’re not wrong about Thantifaxath. They rule.

  • W, I wasn’t completely getting the hate for the Amity Affliction one you posted until those played-the-fuck-out autotuned-for-effect cleans kicked in. Sorry for doubting you, man.

    • VVorld Peace

      The autotuned cleans seal the deal.

  • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

    How many songs called FML can we cram into one article!? (Dammit, only two)
    Flush My Life for me!

    • …Ellipsis…

      Fuck Mediocre Lyrics

      • BLVKKBEVRD’S VCHING VDORVTION

        Ellipsis is the man, always has been, always will be.

        See: Thou, The Atlas Moth, and Agalloch for this years best lyrics

        • …Ellipsis…

          You’re to kind, pirate. Besides, I can definitely be convinced into a sex change…

          • BLVKKBEVRD’S VCHING VDORVTION

            You have more chance of becoming a potential kidnap victim this way.

          • …Ellipsis…

            As far as kidnappers go, you’re alright.

          • VVorld Peace

            Didn’t Ill Nino have some sort of edge to them at some point?

          • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

            And latin inFLUences too?

          • …Ellipsis…

            Yes. Acoustic guitar and percussion as well as Spanish lyrics.

          • BLVKKBEVRD’S VCHING VDORVTION

            My guess is that Link could give us 100 bands with Spanish vocs that are a billion times better than Ill Nino

          • …Ellipsis…

            And that aren’t from New Jersey

          • VVorld Peace

            Tyree hooked me up with these guys.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-sTbhlCoNqE

          • BLVKKBEVRD’S VCHING VDORVTION

            Yeah dis is pretty good. Bongos too(or whatever they’re called)? Bonus

          • VVorld Peace

            Tabla maybe? We need a percussionist. Paging Stockhausen!

          • BLVKKBEVRD’S VCHING VDORVTION

            i’ve actually kept this playing, they create some pretty nice hooks with whatever dem little drums are.

          • Gvrp

            I like Soulfly too.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

            Looks like they were, indeed like a flu, unwanted, unpleasant and had to get rid of.

          • …Ellipsis…

            And yet they persist with bro-core nonsense…

          • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

            … they’re the fever that follows…

          • …Ellipsis…

            I guess. They hit the sweet spot between nu metal and Max Cavaleray Latin influences plus a second drummer.

        • old_man_doom

          “The Sea Beyond” and “The Old Believer” give me fuckin goosebumps, man.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VYLE WYZVRD

            That whole album >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
            At least someone here agrees with me <3

  • Spear

    My whiff goes to every fucking basement-dwelling, 2kvlt4u, 30-plus-year-old, mouth-breathing neo-nazi bastard who decided that their SUPER ORIGINAL black metal band needed to be heard by all the world. Fuck you for making me listen to you every week.

    But since I can’t vote for that I’m going with Leif’s. Gross.

  • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

    Rho Stone, that’s a paddling! This isn’t RotW
    (And War Eternal is the best AE since Black Earth, not that they would’ve released much good in the middle, but still.)

    • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

      Dissin’ Thantifaxath? That’s gonna be more than just a paddlin’…

    • MoshOff

      I wouldn’t have said Black Earth (maybe since Stigmata), but close enough. Now they just need to let Alyssa sing and they’re set.

      • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

        I don’t mind her singing. ‘Cause it would probably lead to all clean choruses/rough verses. But she should di her higher rasp.

  • VVorld Peace

    I think Maria Brink is gunning for Otep’s Cultural Arsonist throne.

    • BLVKKBEVRD’S VCHING VDORVTION

      Otep can be flopped lifelessly into a shallow grave (not worth breaking a sweat over)

    • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

      Nah. Not edgy enough to set fire to this meat devouring patriarcate filth, known as western culture.

  • VVorld Peace

    This is my first time hearing King 810. This sounds EXACTLY like Slipknot. Metal Hammer is really calling these guys revolutionary? What the wtf is wrong with metal media outlets these days?

    • BLVKKBEVRD’S VCHING VDORVTION

      “we’re from a bad part of the country” o, you guys must be pioneers.

    • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

      $$$

      • VVorld Peace

        This is the second time today I’ve forgotten the almighty dollar.

        • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

          It’s as horrible as the Ozzy song that shares it’s name.

          • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

            It really is a terrible, terrible song.

          • Xan

          • old_man_doom

            SHARON

      • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

        @VVorld Peace ,You see it the way they write articles. They don’t like the bands, or believe what they write, but it pays the bills and wifey’s new jewelry.

    • MoshOff

      Haha are you implying Metal Hammer used to be good? I don’t remember that ever being a thing lol.

      • VVorld Peace

        Well, not necessarily good, but tolerable. I used to subscribe because I didn’t really know about Decibel, but there was a distinct transformation of the magazine around 2009 or 2010 when they seemingly switched focus to praising mediocre bands.

        • MoshOff

          That’s probably around the time I started paying attention to Metal mags, so fair enough.

          • VVorld Peace

            It was very distinct too. Past issues mocked bands like Disturbed and Bullet for My Valentine, then all of a sudden they were heralding them as these great pillars of the industry.

          • MoshOff

            Editor change maybe? Money does seem the main motivation though.

          • VVorld Peace

            That very well could have been it.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

            We had a good music mag here (mostly metal was covered, tons of good stuff) they changed editor and tried to rebrand as well. No metal anymore with the exception of an ATG interview. I guess it’s happening everywhere. They lost a ton of readers tho, instead of gaining any.

        • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

          Isn’t Decibel kinda really bad too now?

          • VVorld Peace

            Probably. I haven’t read Decibel in a while. My subscription expired last year I think.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

            I just had the feeling, ’cause it’s supposedly FFB in a physical form. Except less “humour”, equally bad stuff tough and from what I’ve heard covers the MetalHammer(ed) scale of bands.

          • MoshOff

            Terrorizer is where it’s at and always has been.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

            Never subscribed to a forwign metal mag, so I wouldn’t know. Have checked T’s website sometimes for excl. streams.

          • MoshOff

            I read it whenever I can get my hands on an issue. It blows because there are Spanish editions of both Decibel and Metal Hammer but no Terrorizer, not even UK imports.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

            I think there at least used to be imports of it here (not in Finnish tho) I might need to check if there still is.

          • VVorld Peace

            I didn’t realize it was still published.

          • MoshOff

            It is in the UK for sure, don’t know about the US.

          • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

            You can find Terrorizer here in most Barnes & Nobles still. If you can find a Barnes & Noble anyway…

          • VVorld Peace

            B&N are still around here thanks to Starbucks. There’s actually one in the Student Union on campus.

          • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

            I used to pick up a Terrorizer every few months, though it’s pricey for a magazine at $10. But each one comes with a sampler CD of new music, and I’ve discovered quite a few good bands because of it.

          • JamesGrimm

            books a million

          • Max

            I dunno, I find Terrorizer really difficult to read nowadays. They feature way too many bands in one issue and hardly anybody gets more than a page and a half of in-depth examination.

            At one time, however, it was unprecedentedly good.

          • Akercocke ov Steele

            Never read much Terrorizer I did however get that “25 Extreme metal classics” book and while there were some not-too extreme entries, still found it a good read.

          • Max

            I concur. I too fail to see how Kyuss, Black Sabbath, Monster Magnet or Diamond Head count as “extreme” metal. But it’s a very interesting book from start to finish and does all of the bands featured a real service. I’ve got quite a library of extreme metal rockographies now, and that’s definitely one of my favourites. I wish Decibel would publish a second edition with some of their more recent Hall of Fame entries. They’ve certainly got enough by now for probably two more editions.

          • Akercocke ov Steele

            I mean Heaven & Hell was an extreme makeover for Sabbath and there were other albums and artists I feel they could have added (of course they did explain the “every member” rule so that negates Death, Bathory, Pantera, etc arguably HUGE extreme metal giants.). But still I feel like they could’ve gotten Unquestionable Presence in there.

          • Stan Laurel

            I used to subscribe to a Canadian magazine called Brave Words & Bloody Knuckles before it went tits up. I think Nevermore were in every issue. Nice free compilation CDs too.

          • VVorld Peace

            I could read about Nevermore every month.

          • Howard Dean

            Only hand printed ‘zines in circulations of less than 100 are real!

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

            Besides the flexi disc series I agree they have gotten crappy.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

            Flexi discs release quality music on format of questionable quality.

    • KJM

      Maybe I’m too much of a traditionalist for my own good, but it amazes me that so many hard rock/metal bands that write catchy songs have such a hard time getting noticed while this bland, tuneless crap actually makes money.

      • VVorld Peace

        It’s a depressing phenomenon. The masses don’t actually like extreme, just the appearance of extreme.

        • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

          nail/head

      • EsusMoose

        Well maybe if they brought guys holding ak47’s, used police tape and were from Flint Michigan or Michigan in general. People think trying to look hardcore is cool, right?

        • BLVKKBEVRD’S VCHING VDORVTION

          All that aside, and being a pretty tough guy myself, Im glad I dont live in Flint/Michigan.

          • EsusMoose

            To show my toughness bring supersoakers and waterwings, also no running

          • VVorld Peace

            Are waterwings and floaties the same thing?

          • EsusMoose

            I think, I couldn’t think of the term floaties so I went with the next word I could think of

          • Haha, these beat water wings any day!

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzmuQDTst-E

          • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

            yes in my book

        • King 810’s guitarist is from El Paso of all places, and lives in the burbs. That much is pretty well documented.

          • VVorld Peace

            To be fair, parts of El Paso are pretty rough.

        • The Black Dahlia Burger

          i’m pretty sure it’s also known that they’re not even from Flint

          • EsusMoose

            They aren’t but how else can they appear tough?

          • The singer definitely is, that’s been confirmed a number of times. The others, no. The guitarist is from El Paso, TX.

    • Metal Hammer’s been a joke for at least the last decade.

      • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

        word

    • The Black Dahlia Burger

      It genuinely sounds like a few guys in a garage were like “Slipknot did this and got mega-famous, let’s do exactly the same thing but much worse and without any of the creativity!”

  • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

    Godsmack has my vote. Fuck that shitty band.

    • BLVKKBEVRD’S VCHING VDORVTION

      Is anyone else confused?

      • VVorld Peace

        oh?

        • …Ellipsis…

        • BLVKKBEVRD’S VCHING VDORVTION

          because JJD loves nu metal.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

            I love nu metal but I despise Godsmack as much as I despise Adema and I loathe Adema more than any nu metal band.

          • BLVKKBEVRD’S VCHING VDORVTION

            fair enough.

  • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

    Ugh, these are all terrible. I’d say the tracks from Lie or Liar and Falling in Reverse are probably the least listenable and most annoying. They’re just awful, musically and aesthetically. But I’m voting for In Flames because they infuriate me with their continued decline into mediocrity. I know it’s been said before, but In Flames used to be a force to be reckoned with in the early-to-mid 90’s. They, along with Dark Tranquillity and At the Gates, pioneered the genre of melodic death metal. Lunar Strain (’94), Subterranean (EP- ’94), and The Jester Race (’96) are unflushable releases on which founding member and songwriter Jesper Stromblad combined the melodic guitar style of Iron Maiden with the brutal riffing and drumming of death metal, influencing countless musicians in metal since.
    That band no longer exists. There are no original members left at this point. The band calling itself “In Flames” today bears no resemblance to the band that once was, and instead writes music that is banal, redundant, wannabe radio-rock that gets more and more boring with each new release.
    There’s nothing wrong with a band evolving their sound over time, becoming less heavy and more melodic. Look at Mastodon. They’re not nearly as heavy as they used to be, but the songwriting is so good it doesn’t matter. Mastodon write GOOD music. Modern In Flames on the other hand writes boring and uninspiring drek. The newest album continues this trend, and all I can say about that is FLUSH!!! I’m done.
    ,|,, (>_<) ,,|,

    • VVorld Peace

      You tell ’em, Nipple.

    • Stan Laurel

      Clayman was the pinnacle for me. Then the mudslide happened. Shame.

    • The Black Dahlia Burger

      The fact that Ronnie Radke gets up in the morning and puts all that shit on and says, “yeah, this looks like what I want to wear in public today” just blows my god damn mind. He looks like he has some kind of mental handicap, like they know he’s retarded and just told him to go grab some clothes from the trunk over there while the adults talk.

      • He’s like the shitty core version of Kevin Federline

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

      I hated the Falling In Reverse song so much but I loved the In Flames track more than most of these. I like that In Flames has evolved their post Clayman sound from shit to good alternative rock. I prefer them over most alternative rock any day.

  • I worry that King 810 bro is going to hurt himself trying so hard.

  • Also

    • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

      Ew.

    • KJM

      “Dood, how much ya bench?!”

    • FeelTheDarkness

      I guess I’m a bitch because Godsmack sucks

      • Akercocke ov Steele

        I was a fan…once.

        • FeelTheDarkness

          Just listen to Alice In Chains instead.

        • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

          (coming clean) me too!

  • JWG

    Every time I see a staircase image, I absolutely *must* stop to carefully inspect the picture to be totally sure it’s not altered to look like an Escher-inspired impossible-staircase.

    • Lacertilian

      @disqus_kqxyUNPxty:disqus is going for a pretty sweet theme.
      Although, I’m not sure why it’s on the Whiff of the week post everytime.
      I enjoy these pictures, I know I’m on a different side of the Pacific but am I on the wrong side of the fence too or something?

  • BLVKKBEVRD’S VCHING VDORVTION

    If all this whiffery is making your eardildos hurt, you might need something which whiffs not at all:
    http://youtu.be/zLo7dGb9SKI

    • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

      Ahhh, that’s better.

      • BLVKKBEVRD’S VCHING VDORVTION

        also add Thrawsunblat to one of the contenders for next year’s top 10 lists.

    • Stan Laurel

      Sounds a bit Amon Amarthy albeit with a little less parmesan sprinkled on top.

      • BLVKKBEVRD THE EPONYMOVS

        I see very little correlation between Thrawsunblat and AA (but i do love both).

        • Stan Laurel

          That’s the only song that I’ve heard from them so I didn’t have a lot to go on but I was definitely picturing vikings and windmills. I’m going to seek enlightenment via bandcamp. I don’t want to get slapped with a ruler again.

        • Stan Laurel

          Yeah, not so much like AA. More black and folky with tons of melody. It’s downloaded and migrated to my iPod. That’s today’s gym listening sorted out. Thank you!

  • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

    Here’s my 5 most hated live albums.

    1. Kiss Alive 2-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yLbVelY_ds4

    2. Thin Lizzy-Life Live-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1b5_98lY7Y

    3. Double Live Gonzo-Ted Nugent (I won’t torture you with Youtube links to the songs.)

    4. Bad Company-Live At Wembley-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W39wAbNKRdE

    5. Utopia- Another Live-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zo9Oor_vYeE

    • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

      Life and DLG are both good heretic!

      • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

        I hate Ted Nugent’s live stuff so I’ll disagree with you there. When it comes to Life I just don’t like it as much as Live And Dangerous so that’s why it is there,

        • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

          Live Nuge is the onlh way I’ll have him and Life isn’t as good as LAD but not bad either (Lizzy has a lot worse live recordings too)

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

            How bad can a Thin Lizzy live recording be? They’re consistently good live.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

            Check out any post Lynott for example. And if Lynott-era only is concerned, there are a lot of poor quality posthumous garbage releases that are not salvaged by a good performance.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

            I haven’t listened to much of their live stuff post-Lynott. I have listened to the live album Still Dangerous though and that was shit. It was comprised of half Live And Dangerous tracks and half new live tracks from the same show. It wasn’t even the full concert.

    • Stan Laurel

      On a more positive note, I’m not sure if you like UFO, but Strangers in the Night is one of the best live albums of all time.

      • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

        I fucking love UFO. Strangers In The Night is my favorite live album ever.

      • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

        First show UFO International Amphitheater Chicago circa 1981…13th row. Slept out for tickets…

        • Stan Laurel

          You lucky (wo)man (not the sleeping out part)!. Was that the”The Wild, The Willing And The Innocent” tour?

          Makin’ Moves off that album would be a great entry into next weeks “Riff Ov the Week”.

          • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

            Old Man (Clown)…was a freshman in High School. I think this is the set list and tour (been a while) lol. My dad drove four of us…he went to the bar while we were at the show. As soon as we got in the car he said…”it smells like a god damn pot pie in here”…

            http://www.setlist.fm/setlist/ufo/1981/international-amphitheater-chicago-il-5bda2b54.html..

            Yes good call on Riff…might be too old school tho but still kick ass none the less.

          • Stan Laurel

            That’s the great thing about music. It can take you back to a time and place with such vivid memories. Regarding the riff, I thought that the bosses were looking for 80s riffs that every band under the sun has since regurgitated. UFO created THAT riff! Hot ‘N’ Ready’s got one too.

  • The Satan Ov Hell

    *FLUSHES BABYMETAL DOWN THE TOILET OV HELL WITH THEIR NUMBER 1 FAN VINCE*

  • Guest
  • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

    My whiff of last year was the album by the renamed version of Thin Lizzy called All Hell Breaks Loose. You think that they would write better songs but they wrote very shitty songs. I hope they get their act together for the album they’re releasing next year. Black Star Riders (AKA Thin Lizzy) needs to gain my trust before I give their live show a chance.

    • KJM

      At least they finally changed their name.

    • FeelTheDarkness

      I saw them open for Priest on the Epitaph tour and they were stinky just because it wasn’t really Thin Lizzy.

      • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

        People may say it’s not Thin Lizzy without Phil. By the time they changed their name to Black Star Riders it was just Scott Gorham and Brian Downey from the classic lineup. I wish Brian Robertson would join Black Star Riders.

        • FeelTheDarkness

          It isn’t Thin Lizzy without Phil.
          It would be cool if Robertson joined BSR

  • Simon PhoenixKing

    I still can’t believe that Godsmack and Ill Nino are still a thing in 2014.

    Also, Ronnie Radke and the dude from King 810 should have taken a stroll through LA before that prick Cocteau took over and pussified the place. See how tough and “real” they really are.

    • BLVKKBEVRD’S VCHING VDORVTION

      *taken a stroll thru the bleak wilderness of the Appalachians in winter

      • Death

        *taken a stroll thru Death’s black heart

        • KJM

          *taken a stroll through my opium den

          • BLVKKBEVRD’S VCHING VDORVTION

            Would stroll there /10

          • Death

            I knew you would, vitun narkkari.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VYLE WYZVRD

            Hangata

          • Death

            Stop rubbing me! This is sexual harassment! You’re making the panda very sad!

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VYLE WYZVRD

            why is the Norwegian simply skrubb?

          • Death

            Not sure, maybe because they’re scrubs? Det är gnida på svenska

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VYLE WYZVRD

            I think maybe its a loan word. Perhaps I will spend some time learning Finnish in order to insult you properly.

          • Death

            Then we will have fun correcting your mistakes.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VYLE WYZVRD

            That will be easy, but probably a good learning experience. Your english isn’t beyond criticism, either.

          • Death

            U sayin i don hw pirfect anglish m8?

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VYLE WYZVRD

            its better than my rусский, français, and español combined. if we’re being honest.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

            You probably don’t like Thin Lizzy so I shall answer yes to that question.

          • Death

            *meth lab

          • KJM

            *shooting gallery

          • Mama June’s second and third chins. Oh, and speaking of, here’s your nightmare fuel for the day………Vivid’s offering Mama June and Sugar Bear a million bucks to do a sex tape.

            http://www.tmz.com/2014/12/13/mama-june-sex-tape-offer-sugar-bear-porn-vivid/

    • Or Englewood, Chicago’s murder capital. About 65% of all murders in the city happen there, and wasn’t far at all from me.
      And actually, while they’re riding the whole gimmick, East St. Louis, according to the FBI, is now the most violent place in America.

  • The Planck Epoch

    Lol the rap in Lie Or Liar won me over. Yikes. …also inconceivably hot and dense void etc etc

  • Stan Laurel

    Wow there’s some garbage on this list. Most of it’s not offensive to my tastes as it never comes within listening distance of my earholes. What is offensive is what In Flames once were and what they have now become. Terrible stuff.

    • VVorld Peace

      Turrble

  • Stan Laurel

    I’m not allowed to vote. It says “you are not allowed to vote!”

    Is this a rigged poll?

  • Jointsalot

    So much shitty music. I found it really hard to vote this week.

  • J.R.

    I cant hear Gangsta’s Paradise without Amish Paradise taking over.
    Stay Weird

    • BLVKKBEVRD, VYLE WYZVRD

      This should have been the video posted of that abomination:
      http://youtu.be/jFAWiw6x1_c

      • MoshOff

        Note that the playback track for the orchestra starts playing for like a second before the song actually starts and then they keep pretending they’re playing it anyway. @vance’d

        • BLVKKBEVRD, VYLE WYZVRD

          i noticed that but wasn’t paying close enough attention, thought some of the kids jumped the gun. gods, its awful.

      • What in the fuck is this? It’s a train wreck after a train wreck after a train wreck…

  • Lacertilian

    C’mon Rho, I just listened to that whole song and I liked it.
    You’re out of line.

    • Lacertilian

      Buuuuttt, you were spot on with making me revisit Red Fang.
      I now own a bit of their merch and wear it proudly.

  • BLVKKBEVRD, VYLE WYZVRD

    *Gives Blood of Kingu a chance
    *Didn’t realize it was a Roman Saenko project
    *butthurtz himself

    • VVorld Peace

      I’ve heard he has some crappy political leanings, but I’m honestly not that familiar with him. If he does, he keeps them out of BoK.

  • Further Down the Metal Hole

    Confession time:

    – I’m happy I’m European, as we are allowed to buy Godsmack music, apparently. No shame, but I admit it’s low level stuff.
    – I’m an Ill Nino fan and I haven’t purchased the recent album because until now I’ve only heard that song. It was so utterly disappointing. Will give the whole album a listen at some time, maybe something on it redeems them.
    – Pretty much the same goes for Black Label Society, which again is quite a shame.
    – Choosing that closing song by Slipknot is unfair lol, it really is weak and I have the album on my best of the year list.

  • God fucking dammit I hate all of these so fucking much. It makes me irrationally angry any of these exist.

  • Call the Slambulance

    Time for me to admit it. I dig Godsmack *ducks face under his arms*

    • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

      With you bro…I liked first four albums…really liked 4.

    • I hate ’em, but Sully’s solo stuff is fucking brilliant. Sounds more like a Dead Can Dance sorta thing.