Whiff o’ the Week (11/9/14)

1904
231
Share:

“What are the roots that clutch, what branches grow
Out of this stony rubbish? Son of man,
You cannot say, or guess, for you know only
A heap of broken images, where the sun beats,
And the dead tree gives no shelter, the cricket no relief,
And the dry stone no sound of water. Only
There is shadow under this red rock,
(Come in under the shadow of this red rock),
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.”

All of our names are written in the dust, for we are naught but dust, and to dust we shall return. It is time now for Whiff o’ the Week.

First things first, to the victor go the spoils. As you can see, At the Gates seem to have committed the most egregious offense, though Randall Thor put up a fair fight.

whiffweak

If you feel that you may best bear the burden of judgment, then put forth a submission for next week. Next Sunday, we’ll be voting on a new, specific whiff category. You’ll notice this week that the whiffs are beginning to get personal, so lest we tear ourselves asunder, I propose that we once again refocus our whiffing on the dregs of metal. Next week’s category:

What is the most terrible song on an otherwise great album?

Submit your entries to the gmail. Well then, let us commence with this week’s competition.


W. 

The other day someone asked me if I made it to Rob Zombie‘s last concert here in my dusty little town. I did not, although I do think that Mr. Zombie puts on an entertaining live show. His back-catalogue, however, is far from spotless. While ruminating on his career, I remembered this terrible song that used to spin on the local rock station back home. I revisited it, and as suspected, “Foxy, Foxy” is as bad as I remembered.


Papa Joe

Prince is awesome. He might be my favorite artist of all time, so I take it a little personally when some jagoff lowest-common-denominator fuckfaces like TEXAS HIPPIE COALITION rip off a Prince classic (“Darling Nikki”, of course) to create a soundtrack to a drunken hate crime. The entire song is offensive but the bridge (2:18) seems especially heinous as the band seems so desperate to add some emotional weight to a song about fucking strippers. This is why people hate Pantera. Barf/10.


SMOHLG

Sorrow and Extinction was my AOTY by a long shot back in 2012 so saying I had high expectations for Pallbearer‘s follow-up would be a bit of an understatement. In contrast to W.’s pick a while back, I don’t believe the whole album is a whiff, but there is one defining moment that always sticks in my mind; a moment that told me Foundations of Burden would fail big time in reaching the heights of its predecessor. Despite an ok start and a strong finish, the 2:40 mark of the opening track “Worlds Apart” finds the track completely derailing with the vocal and guitar melodies sounding completely off. Listen for yourself:


Leif Bearikson

More proof that the local radio station is trying to kill me. 1:00.


Howard Dean

Flush the entire fucking album. Two of the most hated and ludicrous Norwegian black metal musicians combine forces and release this wet fart abortion. To the discriminatingly tasteful, as appealing as boiled legumes covered in period blood.


Simon Phoenix

I’m not even going to bother with a witty joke about this “band”. I’m also not going to bother picking put a single moment within this song that deserves to be a whiff. Just imagine the whole thing as reeking of two week old diaper refuse.

These fucksticks try way too hard to be funny and edgy. Here’s an idea: I chop off the legs of all the band members, then kick their legless bodies down into a briar patch much like the one Simba had to crawl through in The Lion King to escape the hyenas just after Mufasa bit the big one. Then I would spray the whole area with gasoline, light a match, toss it in there, and watch the spectacle. Is that funny and edgy enough for ya? Simon says better start crawling bitches.


Jack Bauer

This is awful; that guitar tone makes me want to vomit.


DeadButtDreaming

I nominate the whole new Archspire album. 99% of tech death is horrible. This tripe is at the opposite end of the scale from even being acceptable. If you enjoy this, you’re a shitty person.


Jöhnny Crünch

Shots fired. How anyone likes this hot mess of inaudible sounds thrown together is beyond me.


Ghost Flusher

Once again, being topical. However this band is waaaaaay fucking worse. Kids, take some damn notes from Mel Gibson. If you’re gonna start shit, at least have the talent to back it the fuck up.


Masterlord Steel Dragon

Listen up. Just because Black Metal is called “Black Metal” doesn’t mean it’s black metal. Not only is Black Metal not black metal, it’s not good metal either. It’s not even mediocre metal. “Teacher’s Pet” somehow manages to stand out as the worst song on an album full of songs that are already pretty much maximally awful. It might be one of the worst songs ever written. Venom sucks. No amount of Satan on the cover can change that.


 

Which of these songs/albums is the biggest affront to our community?

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 11-09-2014 10:00:00
end_date 11-10-2014 00:00:00
Poll Results:
Which of these songs/albums is the biggest affront to our community?

Feel free to defend any of these choices in the comments section and tell me what a turd I am for my opinion. Also, if you hate something I love, send it to me for the next Whiff o’ the Week! All opinions here are strictly those of the writer in question, although most of them are correct.

(Photo VIA)

Did you dig this? Take a second to support Toilet ov Hell on Patreon!
  • Scrimm

    Awesome artwork for this week. Jack gets my vote, though Howard was oh so close. No whiffs for Artificial Brain and Archspire.

    • VV.

      I voted for SMOHLG because I just don’t get the hype for that album.

    • I was taken aback when I saw Archspire on there, but I know people don’t like tech death. Then I saw Artificial Brain……….WHAT FUCK!?

      • Scrimm

        For real.

      • VV.

        I think it’s mostly just people going for jimmie rustling rather than actual suckage.

        • I hope so, otherwise we might have our first death in the interrogation room.

          • Virgil the Ghost Poet

            Hahahaha! Just in case you want to interrogate me.

        • DeadButtDreaming

          No, Archspire are pretty fucking horrible. Sorry.

          • So, what do you like then?

          • DeadButtDreaming

            Let’s just say I like older Spawn of Possession when it comes to anything tech death inclined.

          • You are aware I like a lot more than tech death? That’s just what I write about on here cause it’s my favorite.

          • DeadButtDreaming

            You need a different favourite, bruv.

          • The only favorite I need is what I enjoy the most. I’m not going to base what I listen to off whether something is kvlt or filthy or whatever. If I like it, I like it, if I don’t then I don’t. If people have a problem with that it’s just that, their problem.

          • DeadButtDreaming

            This has nothing to do with being kvlt or filthy. Archspire are fucking horrible.

            To quote the illustrious Jack Bauer, if people have a problem with that it’s just that, their problem.

          • I never said I had a problem with you hating them dude. Just surprised. You seem to be trying to rustle my jimmies. If that is the case, know this, you have failed. If not then my bad, hard to convey meaning through typing sometimes.

          • Death

            Your jimmies are so fucking rustled.

          • Not really, only because nba 2k thinks kyle fucking lowry is dwayne wade.

          • Death

            ..

          • JöhnnytheMotherFuckin’Crünch™

            Well, that’s just like, your opinion man.

          • JöhnnytheMotherFuckin’Crünch™

            No he doesn’t

        • @lmd666:disqus really doesn’t like AB, same with a few others in RHRC. i can totally understand somebody not liking it, just like with Portal.

          • VV.

            Yah, I know he doesn’t. Still though, this came up with the explicit intention of rustling jimmies. I’m not complaining. Obviously I don’t censor anyone’s opinions here.

          • JöhnnytheMotherFuckin’Crünch™

            Not trying to rustle no jimmies, though I knew there’d be backlash. I was hoping though that a couple of other RHRC boys would have my back.

          • VV.

            No one has your back because you are utterly incorrect 😉

          • I find 99.9% of so-called tech death excruciatingly terrible to listen to as well.

          • Virgil the Ghost Poet

            I got your back, buddy.

          • JöhnnytheMotherFuckin’Crünch™

            Thanks Virgil, you’re a truly gentle soul

          • Lacertilian

            Reproductive Health Response Consortium?
            Watchu talkin bout?

          • so close:
            Reproductive Health Response in Conflict

        • Virgil the Ghost Poet

          No. Those bands suck.

          • VV.

            Booo! Nah, you and @lmd666:disqus are okay. Different strokes, I guess.

          • Virgil the Ghost Poet

            Just okay? I thought you liked me better than that.

          • VV.

            You’re my boy, Blue!

      • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

        To be fair, TovH and the RHRC do probably have a skewed impression of bands like Artificial Brain. I think avant death is mostly a niche concern.

        • VV.

          It’s on the rise, though. I think with the warm welcome of Gorguts’ reunion effort, dissonant death metal is gaining traction.

          • I’m all for dissonance as well as more bands with bass like BC and JFAC.

          • Beunhaas

            SKRONK

          • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

            True, but I think its very nature works against it ever becoming truly “popular” in the same way as other kinds of death metal.

          • VV.

            I think you’re probably correct. Still, I think AB are fantastic, and I know a number of other reviewers also think so. Johnny is entitled to his opinion, though.:)

          • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

            Oh, I’m totally with you on AB. Maybe my favourite of what I’ve heard this year. Well, that or Pyrrhon. Weird death forever!

          • VV.

            Artificial Brain are at the top of my year-end list, and I really, really doubt anything will topple them.

          • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

            There are a few releases I’m sure I’ll love but haven’t gotten to yet. Notably the new Giant Squid, which should be arriving soon. That’ll probably make waves for me. But when I sit down to my end year listening and list making ritual Artificial Brain will surely be high.

          • VV.

            That Giant Squid album is so so good.

          • Xan

            I really enjoyed both Artificial Brain and Pyrrhon but I can’t put them at the top of my list. Both are incredibly unique (especially Pyrrhon) but it doesn’t resonate with me as much as some of the other stuff I’ve listened to this year. I’ve seemed to skew more toward stuff with riffs for days and softer more heartfelt sounds such as Novembers Doom’s new album. A main problem of mine this year is not having enough time to get through everything. According to my calculations, in order for me to finish every new album released this year that I own, I need to listen to about five albums a day till the end of the year. I haven’t had as much time to delve into many releases. I have like 300 grind albums (thanks Tyree) to blast through. I can feel the upcoming headache from headbanging.

          • Meehoineyhoin666Riot

            Stay weird death forever.

          • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

            The weirdness is love!

          • JöhnnytheMotherFuckin’Crünch™

            However incorrect it may be

          • VV.

            :p

      • JöhnnytheMotherFuckin’Crünch™

        Sorry about that.

  • The Satan Ov Hell

    *FLUSHES MASTERLORDACT DOWN THE TOILET OV POSE* My submission to whiff of the week- this atrocity: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ylvgvaqcJuM

    • *flushes in flames in general*

    • Riot PhoenixAct 666

      I was almost going to flip out on you in pure butthurt fury cause The Jester Race is one of my top five melodeath albums of all time. But then I listened to this.

      The Commodore produced great music. This is not one of them.

  • @webb71:disqus, you are not a shitty person.

    • VV.

      Cosigned. I like Jack.

    • Danke

    • Death

      He’s a mean bully.

      • Nah I only pick on you cause I know you can take it and its fun. <3 u.

        • Death

          So you are a mean bully.

          • Only in the same way that a big brother is. M Shadows is the one that picks on you lol.

          • Death

            You’re both mean bullies. I’m gonna go tell mom.

          • TATTLE TALE

  • DeadButtDreaming

    Tech death is the fucking worst.

    • worse than djent?

      • Death

        Aren’t you a djenter (a fan of djent music)?

        • Gooby pls

          • Death

            I take that as a yes.

          • ..

          • Death

            MOM! The mean bully is back again!

          • HE STARTED IT!

          • No hugs for you for 48 hours.

          • Death

            I don’t care about that, my dogs will give me hugs.

        • Beunhaas

          It’s actually called a Djentleman.

    • You and I need to have a talk, in a certain room…..

      • DeadButtDreaming

        When you reside in the void, death garners no fear. Stick to saving the world on your mortal coil, Keifer. We will meet soon enough.

        • VV.

          We will all meet in the void.

        • I tried to reside in the void, but it ran away from me in fear.

    • Beunhaas

      You like Tech-death if you like Tech-death, if you don’t like Tech-death, you don’t like Tech-death. Whether you like Tech-death depends on your opinion of Tech-death.

    • IronLawnmower

      I literally cannot get behind it. It’s just too complex for my Neanderthal level brain.

      • Wanna know a secret? The first time I heard tech death I hated it. It grew on me over a period of months though.

        • IronLawnmower

          You know what else grows on you over a period of months? Tumours. But nah that’ll be my new years resolution to try and get into techdeath,

          • Lacertilian

            It’s not a tumour!
            #StayTech

          • Virgil the Ghost Poet

            ….

          • more beer

            That`s what causes those tumors.

        • Xan

          Same here. Before ToH, I pretty much only had some of the more “classic” tech death bands such as Gorguts and Necrophagist.

    • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

      Say what you will about the tenets of tech death, at least its an ethos.

        • Riot PhoenixAct 666

          Why does such a badass like Steve Rogers have such a ridiculous haircut? It’s almost as bad as that one stupid curl that Superman always has.

          • MCU >> DCCU
            (except for the first two Tim Burton Batman films. those could have started a revolution… especially Batman Returns. i might throw that one on tonight!)

          • Riot PhoenixAct 666

            Burton Catwoman>>>>>>Nolan Catwoman

            And I say that as a fan of Anne Hathaway.

          • you sir will find no detractors of said statement.
            TMI: Burton’s catwoman made a very young McNulty feel good in ways he didn’t understand, but now he does.
            why did i tell you this? cause you’re family. whether you like it or not.

          • AND i am no longer a Hathaway fan (good as she did look leather-clad in TDKR) after seeing Interstellar.

  • I think I’ve gotta go with Ov Hell. Bastards making us compete for google results.

    • Beunhaas

      SUE THEM!

    • Your new pic>>>>>>>>>>

    • The Satan Ov Hell

      I go with Ov Hell for reasons involving the fact that- Gorgoroth put some okay albums out. Nothing special, but nothing terrible. Then, king ov hell came along with gaahl, and that’s how gorgoroth went from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jcK3G0aBjm0 to dimmu borgir clone.

  • Death

    Probably gonna go with Ov Hell. I just pre-ordered both Old Man Gloom albums. The ruse is real.

    • VV.

      I’m still going to listen to them.

      • Death

        I actually liked their little joke. It stays true to the album name.

      • D. Lee

        what was the tracklisting for the press release version? kinda curious to listen to it in that format as well

        • VV.

          Gimme a sec:

          1. Fist of Fury
          2. The Lash
          3. Predators
          4. Shoulder Meat
          5. Simia Dei
          6. Never Enter
          7. Promise
          8. Aarows to Our Hearts

          • D. Lee

            thanks man!

      • This. I really did like it, Dubya. And your review deserves great justice. Maybe we should semi-flush them for their insolence. Dont you have some terrorists that you can point at them?

        • VV.

          Basically, I’m going to deride them for behaving like children, but they mus be genius children for writing that quality music.

          • I suppose so. It actually kinda served its point. Makes me want to hear what the actual (2) albums sound like. Like, is it really parts of each? Is it neither? Will the actual albums be as good as the fucked up shit they gave us? Will we listen to the press release instead because the new ones are garbage? So many questions.

          • Death

            To be fair, Ape Of God is a reference to the trickster archetype

  • Not liking Artificial Brain is just downright silly. You silly, silly guy.

  • Death

    • nbm02ss
      • Xan

        I need the music on that website to play at all times when I walk around.

      • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

        My god, It’s beautiful

      • i was clinically depressed before viewing this page. no more.
        ~McNultyFacts~

    • fvckin’ @metaphysicalanus:disqus takes the trophy for most upvotes… congratulations, brother!

  • Riot PhoenixAct 666

    Wow. Shots have definitely been fired today. Try not to blow a blood vessel, Edward.

    • Meehoineyhoin666Riot

      I don’t normally check on Whiff o’ the Week as much as I do other ToH content, but I’m going to take this one in stride because I’ve been just lifelovin’ all weekend long (still playing a lot raw music though!)

  • IronLawnmower

    I hope MSD slips and falls onto a dildo at some point in the coming week for his crimes.

    Anyway I recorded this a wee while ago to take the piss out of kvlt as fuck demos where you can’t hear jack shit and black metal fans splurge all over it especially if it was created in brazil in the 80s
    https://soundcloud.com/djalex1s/satanikperverzionmasturbationdemo

  • Scrimm

    Dammit I need another vote so I can give it to Joe. Holy shit is that annoying.

      • They did not do this character justice in the show.

        • I haven’t read the books, all I know is that fuckhead needs to die a awful painful excruciatingly long death.

          • VV.

            He’s an extremely cowardly and unpleasant person in the books.

          • JöhnnytheMotherFuckin’Crünch™

            He looks like Rob Thomas and that in itself is reason enough to die an awful, painful, excritiatingly long death

        • Riot PhoenixAct 666

          I disagree. While book Ramsey is a disgusting and vile person and looks as such, show Ramsey is quite handsome and charming in a twisted way. This IMO makes him even more vile.

          Besides, we haven’t even gotten to the meat of his crimes yet. I just hope they show his pops in his wicked armor and healing himself with leeches next season.

          • I suppose its a bit early to tell. I was pleasantly surprised with their treatment of the Viper of Dorne. Fight with the Mountain? #pantswet

  • Gurp

    Fight me IRL Johnny Crunch

    • JöhnnytheMotherFuckin’Crünch™

      How about we have a beer and a cuddle instead?

      • VV.

        I’m known for enjoying cuddling.

        • JöhnnytheMotherFuckin’Crünch™

          We can cuddle too

          • VV.

            Huzzah. I’ll even put on my headphones so that you don’t have to hear Artificial Brain.

      • Gurp

        ….
        …………
        ………………..
        I could do that too.

  • Cock ov Steele

    Y Masterlord?

  • Gurp

    So many turds this week. Not sure what I hate the most…Neurotic November? Texas Hippie Coalition? Ov Hell? Oh, decisions decisions…

  • Cock ov Steele

    I voted Simon because, holy fuck Neurotic November is an abomination.

  • Xan

    Well, I like 4/11 “””””””whiffs”””””” mentioned. Pallbearer and Archspire are two of my top albums this year. Cum @ mi broz.

  • Meehoineyhoin666Riot

    I feel like most of Mel Gibson’s great stuff came way before he started a ruckus over and over and over.

    • Riot PhoenixAct 666

      He was pretty decent in Expendables 3. Even though the rest of the movie was lifelovin trash.

      • Meehoineyhoin666Riot

        The Beaver was weird, which I normally like, but not in a very good way. He has acted and directed some great stuff, but I just checked out his filmography post Passion of the and Apocalypto, it’s pretty thread bare.

        • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

          mel gibson=extreme propagandist for agenda 21 govt funded (500 million tax dollars a year to “hollywood”)–also he is adept at spirit based cinematography—often uses jewish kabbalah in his psyop activities—
          brilliant fake—comepletely loyal to the game—to the point that he released “the passion’demonic plague/s&m ritualistic torchor of “jesus”—set to the “ban religion” articles–of the world totalitarian overall “change”—-

          all his movies—(one thing to note–“”liverals” does not equate “jews”—-but it is in their interest to try to appear that way—gibson was scripted metaphysical”anti semitism” media psyop—to cause “division” in society—at the expense of “judaism”—which probably pleased some of his pro u.n hollywood friends–who are consciously “pro clinton”0–maybe without knowing the whole agenda–
          but in the end—it was a buffoon playing with dynamite—->there are lots of people on the internet now–who perceive that –“israel” is not agenda 21 compatible–

          and the commies have shown their stripes—they will eventually have to be against israel—and many people see hamas as a possible controlled “anti israel”–group—whose job is to stir up “controlled trouble”—when ever they need to get aggressive or change policy in the middle east
          —–
          beasts that were sheltered in the fucked up times

    • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

      I find Lethal Weapon 2 his last arguably great film.

      • Meehoineyhoin666Riot

        Not Braveheart?

        • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

          It has some pretty spiffy violence but I find Gibson’s grand sentiments laughable at best.

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            In Machete Kills he wasn’t bad at all. Not that he would’ve shined but not bad.

          • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

            He’s good at playing in mindless fare, where the whole being a ridiculous, grotesquely backward individual thing doesn’t matter so much.

          • Machete doesn’t text.

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            He does now

        • JöhnnytheMotherFuckin’Crünch™

          Payback was awesome in a very horrible way

          • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

            I remember that being quite good actually. Watched it on a school bus on the way to a cricket match years ago.

          • JöhnnytheMotherFuckin’Crünch™

            Oh yeah, my comment was actually a compliment.

          • Meehoineyhoin666Riot

            Oh, I really enjoyed Payback, but hated the original director’s cut I liked the version they used for the movie everyone saw a lot more.

          • Virgil the Ghost Poet

            Me to. I was pissed when I bought that thinking I got the original movie with a bonus scene.

      • JöhnnytheMotherFuckin’Crünch™

        GIVE ME BACK MY SON!!!

  • JamesGrimm

    opened for THC……one of the worst experiences of my life.

    • Gurp

      Do share!

      • JamesGrimm

        Place in Ohio…..wanna be national act scene. Taproot,Flaw and Brand New Sin are alumni…..made us sell 30 tickets…..we got paid 14 bucks. Bought most of their fans on a big RV that reeked of ass and weed. dude was at least 40 pounds heavier than any recent vid i’ve seen. said all the local openers were jokes. good times..

        • Gurp

          Fourteen whole dollars! Incredible!

    • KJM

      I bet it was. I hear the singer is a total d-bag.

  • Lord Ov Kapsko

    Archspire is so based, everyone that shits on this band will be automaticly put on Ice-T’s get shot list.

    • Xan

      Talk shit on Archspire, get shot.

      • Death

        Talk shit on Artificial Brain, that’s a paddlin’.

        • Xan

          That’s a cactus up the ass.

        • KJM

          Mention ‘Bill & Ted’ instead of ‘Seventh Seal’? That’s a paddlin’…

      • Lord Ov Kapsko

        Snap son, you my homie!

    • JöhnnytheMotherFuckin’Crünch™

      Stay tech mother fucker

  • Xan
  • Interesting picks today, boys. Everyone feeling sexy this beautiful Sunday?

  • As someone who loves boiled legumes covered in period blood, I am offended

  • actovGod666

    Hehehe…*votes for Archspire*

  • JWG

    I just love Sundays when I can get up just after noon and nobody questions it. The downside of this is that my indignation over the besmirching of the good name of Tech Death comes in too late to hold any real weight.

    …But I’m actually still in Cascadian Black Metal mode from last night, so my defensiveness would be feeble anyway.

    Also, I need more coffee.

    • VV.

      Always coffee. Stay grind.

      • Death

        Stay caffeine.

        • Xan

          Stay PSL.

    • Stay Wolves, bro

  • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

    Ef you MasterPants for including Venom.
    Yet that song isn’t making my opposition easy, it’s in fact horrible enough to justify hatred towarded against Venom.
    Still went with that Texas Hippie Coalition song.

    • DragonPants usually exhibits good judgement.

      • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

        I hate to admit it, but yes, yes he does

        • Simon Phoenix wins hands down, anyway. (edit: even my old lady lulled, and imagine all the shit I make her watch/listen to).

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            Yeah, that IS bad

    • Xan

      I fully acknowledge that Venom sucks but I love it. The first few releases at least. I listened to a couple of the albums that three people bought and I 01100100011001010110110001100101011101000110010101100100’d them faster than you could say black metal.

      • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

        I suppose that is lolled in binary

        • Xan

          I wish I had thought of that. I just went for “deleted” because I always listen to music before I buy it.

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            Lolled just fit the context so much better. You is disappoint young padawan.

  • D. Lee

    I kinda kept waiting for Tim & Eric to pop up in that Neurotic November video

  • KJM

    Fuck Texas Hippie Coalition in every orifice possible. God, they suck.

    • VV.

      I see that you’re pissed off and mad about it.

      • KJM

        Heh.

      • Lacertilian

        I couldn’t.
        Sorry Papa Joe, but it said some shit about the video was not approved for playback in my country and I can’t be doing a couple of clicks to change my VPN to see a stinker.

    • Guest

      you sound pissed off and mad about it

  • CyberneticOrganism

    Simon Phoenix wins. Also Texas Hippie Coalition is worse than a grease dumpster fire.

  • Renan Ribeiro

    I’m with our benevolent Master and Lord on this one, fuck Venom. No substance, all appearance

  • MSD is correct: Venom is absolute garbage. Worst/least-talented fucking heavy metal band to ever be granted a recording contract. IDK/C if it’s “Black Metal” or not…but they have always sucked shit.

    • Hear hear!

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        You really let me the fuck down. To the cunting void you go.

    • don’t know where but.. a lot of people that went to their concerts back in the day said that they were terrible live.. Venom were very incompetent with their instruments live

    • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

      Oh, you fucking son of a bitch. Of course they weren’t that talented. But so what?!?! And yes Teacher’s Pet is the worse song on the album. But if their first two albums weren’t made, there would be no extreme music. No Venom, means no Hellhammer/Celtic Frost. No Celtic Frost means no Napalm Death. I can keep going if need be. Lay down your souls to the god’s fucking rock and roll.

      • Tyree

        Goddamn right! They might not have been a tight or skilled musicians but holy fuck did they bring the mean fucking aggression! Venom’s sloppy playing added a human element to their metal much like Hellhammer/Celtic Frost. I’ll take mean and sloppy any fucking day.

      • I’m aware of their historical importance to the good bands you mentioned (as well as some tens of thousands of shitty same-sounding bands of today.) …they still sucked. I couldn’t stand them then and nothing’s changed.

        I used to hate Mercyful Fate in the early-to-mid-eighties but I’ve actually come to appreciate KD over the years. Whether I could stomach them or not at the time they wre true innovators. Venom was just a terrible Motorhead-clone + Satan – any material worth listening to.

        Also I wouldn’t ascribe so much importance to them as though extreme music could not exist if not for their sorry asses. There were other bands that inspired your True Metuhl; see Bathory,

        • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

          Yes but Venom still predates Bathory. Quorthon swore up and down he didn’t hear Venom before starting and writing for Bathory, which I still don’t believe. Mayhem got their name from a Venom song for fucks sake. I also don’t really hear Motorhead in Venom. There’s the speed factor, but that’s about it. And actually I think using the Motorhead logic is a bit lazy. They were totally different. They were Venom!

  • Lacertilian

    So hard to pick between Leif, Jack & Simon.
    Also, DeadButt has rustled my jimmies and to you MrCrunch, I am ashamed.

    • JöhnnytheMotherFuckin’Crünch™

      That and Fallujah are the two most hyped releases that I just couldn’t get behind. I tried, I really did but in the end both were like a bad laxative.

      • VV.

        I’m not really into that Fallujah album. I listened to it several times, and although I didn’t think it was bad, it just didn’t really make an impression on me.

        • JöhnnytheMotherFuckin’Crünch™

          Fallujah made all the right noises, it just didn’t hit the spot.

      • Lacertilian

        Yeah I agree about Fallujah, I enjoyed it but not as much as I anticipated based upon the press surrounding it.
        I suppose I got into Artificial Brain before the hype-train arrived (as soon as I heard Dan Gargiulo was in) and that helped. The vocals are not my cup of tea but the riffs are there.

  • All of these riffs suck

  • Stockhausen

    My hatred of Texas Hippie Coalition and their sonic garbage roams wild and free upon the great plains of Bitterness, unchained by limitations such as respect for others’ taste and general courtesy. That band is a joke.