Which Metal Band Does Your Favourite Game Of Thrones Character Enjoy?


Did you read the title? 

Good. I’m glad you read the title, it will ensure vitriol and disappointment when you realise you have wasted your time. Time you could have wasted watching all your precious characters die on that disappointing show. The very same show that encapsulates your conversations with other humans, no matter their futile attempts to tell you they don’t watch the show. You see, everyone is disappointed in something. For some, it’s a certain Ketzer album. For others, a new Gojira song. There are even people who see their entire trivial life as the barren plane of insignificant endeavours and hollow encounters that it truly is. Some sick fucks seem to crave disappointment, the kind that can only be acquired via submitting something that isn’t low-hanging fruit for Riff of the Week here each Saturday.

So as yet another season of Game of Thrones commences, to add to your disappointment we’ve decided to make the definitive list of which metal band best represents your most loved/hated characters. As I don’t really pay attention to the show nor read the books, I’ve enlisted the aide of Mrs. Lizard to correct my crude assumptions of each character’s persona. I could just watch the show, but that would be a disappointing waste of time.

Arya Stark


Survivor. Orphan. List-maker.

Who would Arya listen to?

Ned Stark


Destined to die. Good guy. But dead.

Who would Ned Stark listen to?

Cersei Lannister


Hedonist. Regal. Incestuous.

Who would Cersei listen to?



Who would Hodor listen to?



Burns things.
Who would Melisandre listen to?

The Hound/Sandor Clegane


Big scarred prick.
Who would Sandor listen to?

Daenerys Targaryen


Mother of dragons (Therefore, dragon fucker?)
Who would Daenerys listen to?

Petyr Baelish


Moustache-twirling quasi-paedophile.
Who would Baelish listen to?

That Dead One


You know the one. The one that died in that episode that time.

What about that dead guy?

Disappointed with the results? Good.

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