Which Member Of Cattle Decapitation Are You?

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Everyone’s favorite death grinders are back with a new album this year! We all love their music, but do you ever wonder which member of Cattle Decapitation represents you the most? Find out below!

Note: Most online quizzes involve multiple pages and a complex web design. To best fit the blog format, I created a quiz to be taken on a pencil and paper. Simply grab some stationary, choose your answer to each question, and keep your score as instructed. At the end, my extensive calculations will provide a number range, telling you which member of Cattle Decapitation you are! Will you be vocalist Travis Ryan, guitarist Josh Elmore, bassist Derek Engemann, or drummer David McGraw? Let’s get started!

1. What’s your ideal date? Seriously, get some paper and a pencil. The process gets fairly complicated and you can’t do it in your head.
A. Going to an uncomfortable amount of antique stores (13 points)
B. Replaying the scene in 1991’s Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves where the arrow gets shot into the ground and the guy yells “TO THE TREEEEES!” over and over again (50 points)
C. Feasting upon the flesh of all mankind (27 points)
D. Assorted cutlery (1 point)

2. What instrument do you play? Listen buddy, I worked hard on this. If you don’t get a pencil and paper, you’re basically just reading through a fun little quiz and playing it safe. You don’t want to put it all on the line and see which member you are? Don’t be a wimp, wimp.
A. Which one has more strings? That one. I play that one (Draw a circle, subtract 3)
B. The flesh of all mankind, feasted upon (666 points)
C. DOODOODOODOODIGGADIGGADIGGADIGGAPSSHHH (subtract 10)
D. Literally every instrument (divide total by 2, add half of original total)

3. You find a lost wallet. What do you do? It could be a marker and the back of your hand. A crayon and a nearby wall. Again, a pencil and paper is ideal, but since you’re being a dick, I’ll take anything at this point. Everyone else has a way to keep track of their score, and you have to be Mr. Cool Guy not playing by the rules. Gah, you suck.
A. Immediately return it to the owner with a note that says, “Pretty cool of me to do that. Here’s my address, cash preferred” (2.3x/π)
B. If the owner’s name is Ryan and it’s a girl, burn her house down (follow your heart on number of points here)
C. Spend every cent on comic books and bubblegum (weather permitting, add 16)
D. Find owner, consume flesh (underline current total 3 times)

4. How do you spend your free time? It cannot possibly be that hard to get a pencil and paper. It’s all within 10, 15 feet tops of your stupid, selfish existence. People around the world are denied basic freedoms and you refuse to keep track of your score on an internet quiz, you smug douche bag. You think it’s as easy as reading the questions and then picking your favorite member? You think David McGraw would just pick himself at the end? No, because he’s a team player. I would love to see him play hours of blast beats on your cold, dead flesh, you lawless swine.
A. Finding flesh of all mankind, consuming it. (Doesn’t even matter any more)
B. Constructing scale replicas of peacetime villages throughout history of Eastern Europe (add some numbers, take away some numbers, I really don’t care. You’re not keeping track)
C. Writing speeches for Italian Prime Minister Matteo Renzi (your score is now a dillion. Congrats, idiot)
D. Trying to figure out what each string does (uh oh, this knocked your score down to purple! What does that mean? Who knows! You don’t! You don’t know a thing, you selfish troglodyte)

What’s your favorite movie? I am about a second away from coming to your house and cramming reams of paper and boxes of pencils down your ugly, villainous throat. You still have time to get a pencil and paper, jot down your scores for your selected answers, and get an accurate answer for which member of Cattle Decapitation you are. If not, I will personally pay Travis Ryan to tattoo “The Best Film In The Star Wars Saga Is Defanitly Attack Of The Clones” on your lower back. That’s right, he’ll even misspell “definitely.”
A. The Mummy starring Brendan Fraser, a coming-of-age tale that depicts the protagonist sorting through his metaphorical demons (check the orbit of Uranus, and shove your score up your butt)
B. Ravenous, the 1999 horror film about consuming the flesh of mankind (imagine the first two numbers that pop in your head fighting to the death, and whatever’s left is your final score, you heinous charlatan)
C. Steel Magnolias starring Shirley MacLaine, a harrowing psychological thriller that depicts the terror of post-war psychosis in members of Attila the Hun’s army (your final score is a billionty four, you licentious plebeian)
D. Saving Private Ryan, the 1998 comedy about a platoon of bumbling soldiers who manage to topple the Third Reich through a serious of hilarious mishaps (I hate you so much)

Double check your answers, finalize your calculations, eat bleach and die, then scroll down to see which member of Cattle Decapitation you are!

frat-douche

You are this guy. You’ve never even heard of Cattle Decapitation, but you once beat up a kid wearing one of their shirts. You wear knockoff headdresses to Coachella. You practice different ways of saying “Hey ladies.” You own a selfie stick. Find a pencil and paper next time, sub-human pig person.

Cattle Decapitation’s The Anthropocene Extinction will be released August 7th, 2015. Preorder the new album here, and like the band on Facebook.

(Images VIAVIA)

  • Kevin Nash & Friends

    This is not an accurate quiz 0/10 on the JJD Quiz Scale.

    • Herr Schmitty

      God damn, you flunked him?! That’s pretty harsh homey, he was just about to graduate.

      • Kevin Nash & Friends

        Oh well. That bro can be stuck in high school another year.

    • The W.

      You’re just angry because you got Tony Martin.

      • He’s Anders Fridén!

      • Kevin Nash & Friends

        That’s my best option.

        • Tyree

          No, you got alfredo pizza.

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            No, I got Tony Martin

          • KJM

            Nah, you got a torn quad.

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            No, I got Tony Martin. I added it up and my score was 77 which was Tony Martin on the results.

  • CyberneticOrganism

    Are you the ugly one?

  • Instructions unclear, bleached selfie stick, stabbed self with pencil.

  • Mother Shabubu III 12 BRICKS

    Strange. I took the quiz, but I kept getting this weird answer that I am Acclaimed Metal Vocalist George Clarke of Deafheaven….

  • Tyree

    Do we all, REALLY love their music?

    • Howard Dean

      Two downvotes on this. Jimmies be rustled.

      • Tyree

        Fuck em.

        • Howard Dean

          Indeed. I’m just always shocked/humored that for such an open-minded community, they don’t handle dissenting opinions on coveted bands/topics too well.

          • Tyree

            It is what it is. But, when you claim that everyone likes a band well, that’s just a bit ridiculous. That would be like you saying in one of your posts maybe on said band like Katharsis, and saying “Katharsis, We all love their music”.

          • Howard Dean

            Yeah, exactly. And all you did was point out that not everyone loves that band. Which is totally the truth. Not everyone does.

            Oh well. I get it. Cattle Decapitation is a ToH favorite, and people apparently don’t like to read dissenting opinions on their hero hype bands.

          • …It’s a satirical Buzzfeed post. Y’know. Humor. I think you’re getting worked up over nothing here, man.

          • Howard Dean

            No, I’m really not worked up about anything. This was pretty much just me and Tyree talking about people being unhappy/not agreeing with the statement he made about Cattle Decap.

          • Downvoted cuz I luv u 🙂

            GL

          • Howard Dean

            Thx.

          • EsusMoose

            I’d say for any community we handle opinions quite maturely. That isn’t saying that much but yea know, it is what it is.

          • Guacamole Jim

            fuk u

          • Sir Tapir the Based™

            Oi cunt, u wanna go?

          • KJM

            1v1 me on Twitter u fukking scrub

          • Lacertilian

            *Tapir’s inner ocker is revealed*

          • Sir Tapir the Based™

            G’day mate, I’m gonna shove a shrimp up your ass!

          • Lacertilian

            HAH, I knew it was a falsity.
            They’re fucking prawns and it’s an ‘arse’.
            You have been exposed.

          • Sir Tapir the Based™

            Man, this week hasn’t been good for me. All of my covers have been blown.

          • Howard Dean

            NOT TRVE FUCK OFF WITH YOUR OPINION QUEERBAIT.

            But I agree, on the whole the ToH regulars do a pretty good job with opinions compared to some of the other hellholes on the internet.

    • Stockhausen

      Eh, I’m lukewarm on Cattle Decap. I like and appreciate them but rarely listen to them them on my own. I still haven’t listened to Monolith all the way through, and I’ll probably jam the new album but I may or may not actually get it. That line in the post was just for the style of a click bait quiz.

  • KJM

    Wake Up
    Poop
    Consume All Mankind’s Flesh
    Sleep
    Repeat

  • The W.

    Based on these tea leaves, I think I’m now Joe Thrashnkill. This sucks. I don’t want to run this stupid blog.

    • Mother Shabubu III 12 BRICKS

      What gave it away? When you went to read your palms and suddenly your hands were as puny as the tea leaves?

      • The W.

        The hemorrhoids, mostly.

        • Guacamole Jim

          Those aren’t haemorrhoids on your hands, buddy.

    • Void Dweller

      Your hands are probably too big to be Joe.

  • Can I just do this on a Microsoft Excel spreadsheet instead? I know formulas and stuff.

    • “You’re:

      Cybernetic Organism.

      You dislike life, you love the void and all that stuff. Crank some industrial merol until your knees become rust. Don’t be that tryhard, you still have a lifelover heart inside your merol skeleton. Surprise yourself with a GAAH!!”.

      • Thanks for doing the math, the pie symbol was throwing me off!

  • !!!

  • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    listen to cattle decapitation in the op—50%vol–1st vid 100%vol—2nd vid 50% vol //all at once
    -https://youtu.be/w40ushYAaYA

    -https://youtu.be/XJU3xivT264

    • This was fantastic. Your best work yet.

      • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

        ha ha…thanks

        • The W.

          I agree with him.

          • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

            yeah…you know–I like to clown around sometimes–but your kindness is appreciated///

          • Howard Dean

            You are a shill for Bohemian Grove.

          • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

            I printed you a “:)”—and it didn’t print–
            fuck those motherfuckers!!

            there are gonna be weird ass shills—-people are starting to wrap their heads around the “10-10-01″smoking gun—-
            I don’t thing the 911hoax revelation will damage any of your core beliefs—-it’s housecleaning for everyone
            true world liberalism–with proper checks/balances/legislation/transparency

          • The W.

            Hey, I actually wanted to ask you something. What are your thoughts on Jade Helm?

          • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

            On April 28, Texas Governor Greg Abbott ordered the Texas State Guard to monitor the operation, declaring, “During the training operation, it is important that Texans know their safety, constitutional rights, private property right and civil liberties will not be infringed

            go texas!!

          • The W.

            Thanks for the response!

  • BRO, I DON’T KNOW WHO CATTLE DECRAPITATION OR WHOEVER ARE, BUT MY SHIRT LOOKS HELLAAAAAA SWEET WITH THE COLLAR POPPED

  • Pagliacci is Kvlt O)))

    I’d be the one that eats meat.

    • “You’re:

      Tyree.

      Chug some beer. Blast. Eat. Embed GIFs. Rinse and repeat. Remember to invoke Satan and blow up your entire paycheck in South American Güór Merol and Dúm Merol. Die.”

      • Pagliacci is Kvlt O)))

        Tyree? Nah, hair’s too short…

        • Tyree

          Some one should scalp me and wear my scalp as a merkin.

  • Guacamole Jim

    Hooray! I’m that guy!!

    • Tyree

      Fixed.

    • Lacertilian

      Man, I got the same as you except for #2 where I had to draw a circle.

  • Shrimp in a Pizza Box™

    Apparently I am the Fucking Nerd (© Joe “Nerdcrusher” Thrashnkill). No surprise there, really.

    • The W.

      You’re late.

      • Shrimp in a Pizza Box™

        A wizard appears precisely whenever he means to.

        I probably got that quote so fucking wrong.

        • Disgustache

          You got a pizza the quote right, but not the whole thing.

        • FUKKBEARD

          *arrives precisely when

  • Howard Dean
    • Tyree

      I got their newest EP (Fourth Reich) on vinyl. I have to find the others now.

      • Howard Dean

        Nice! Fourth Reich is my favorite work of theirs, with VVorld VVithout End a close second. Hoping you can track the other stuff down on vinyl! I’m not sure what the secondhand scene looks like for their vinyl on eBay/discogs, though it’s probably fairly pricey.

        I keep hoping for a new album to randomly pop up at some point, as per the NOEVDIA tradition. Been too quiet for too long. Hell, I’d even take a compilation of stuff from their splits with Antaeus, Black Witchery, Moonblood, and anything else from their back catalog.

        • Tyree

          Yes, it’s quite pricey. I was lucky to find Fourth Reich at MDF. I made sure I held on to it. That was the only release I could find while I was there and there were a shit ton of vendors. So, it’s difficult to find physical releases by them. At least here in the States.

          • sweetooth0

            The second hand scene for vinyl is fucking stupid these days. Mother fuckers pre-order all the limited releases and then try to hock them for over inflated prices. It’s practically scalping.

          • Tyree

            Fucking lame man! They do it again, and I’ll stab them in the face with a soldering iron.

          • Howard Dean
          • Tyree

            “I mean, Kansas.”

          • Howard Dean
          • Sir Tapir the Based™

            “I love Kansas!”
            -JJD

          • “All we are is Tapir’s in the wind”

            GL

          • sweetooth0

            Walken is the man.

          • Howard Dean

            Seriously. I don’t buy vinyl, but I follow it close enough to see that shit happen. The diehard version of the new Cultes Des Ghoules EP sold out in under an hour, I think. And I imagine a few copies went up on discogs a few days later for ridiculous prices.

          • Tyree

            WOW. That’s fast.

          • Howard Dean

            Yeah, you could basically watch it happen. It was announced, Terratur said there were however many editions in whatever colors/limitations (can’t remember the color or limitation of the diehard, but it was a pretty small number), and within the day people on NWN! were bitching about how the diehard was sold out already. It was almost immediate.

            On a similar note, apparently the tickets to the 2015 Nidrosian Black Mass (which you had to apply for by email) sold out in a matter of two minutes or something. That’s just crazy.

          • Tyree

            The 4 day everything passes for MDF were the same way. I went to go buy them 30 minutes after they were released and they already sold out. Incredible really.

          • sweetooth0

            Pretty much ever release by Blood music sells out before it’s even released. You have to pay for a membership to the label to get in on an early pre-sale to pay for a record. It’s nuts, and you just know half of that shit is people buying it to immediately list it on ebay. I bet we see that Emperor mega vinyl box set they’re putting out on ebay days after it’s released for astronomical money.

          • Howard Dean

            Yeah, Blood Music is fucked. The membership thing turns me off. Extremely limited pressings do, too. It’s fucking crazy.

          • sweetooth0

            yeah can’t really get down with that shit. I spend enough on music without needing to pay for the right to spend more on music.

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            Member’s get it cheaper doe, and it’s not just the pre-sale access. Plus the membership system is gone.

          • sweetooth0

            I see, I didn’t look into it much beyond “paid membership”.

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            It is still irritating I’ll give you that. Also this is the last year it will be in use.

          • Howard Dean

            Yeah. I think their vinyl has always been scarce on this side of the pond. The Ajna Offensive used to carry Fourth Reich and Kruzifixxion on vinyl, but they don’t have anything anymore.

            At one point you could buy most of their CDs from U.S. distros, but now it’s pretty much limited to eBay/discogs/Euro distros for 666, Kruzifixxion, and VVorld VVithout End CDs. If I collected vinyl I would definitely go after their splits (and would probably spend a goddamn fortune!).

          • Tyree

            Yeah, that the big problem for me… Spending all that money. Over the years hopefully I’ll get lucky and just see their releases at festivals and online U.S. record labels.

          • RJA

            Fourth Reich is the only one I have on vinyl. I believe forever plagued records has some left if anyone else is looking. As far as finding anything else on vinyl I have had no luck. Buying records on the second hand market is something I refuse to do because once I start I might as well file for bankruptcy.

    • Pants Full Of Spaghetti O’s

      You got me into them a while back. Fucking awesome stuff!

      • Howard Dean

        I remember that! You rocked VVorld VVithout End if I remember correctly?

        • Pants Full Of Spaghetti O’s

          Yep yep!

    • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

      HD, I am short of extreme metal goodness this year. Seeing as you’re a man never short of it, I’d appreciate some good tips here. Mind you I’ve heard a lot of the type of music in question so it’d have to be something lurking beneath.
      If you don’t mind that is.

      • Howard Dean

        Extreme metal goodness released this year that’s lurking underneath? Lemme see. I’ll start with a few. If you’ve heard them already, disregard; the “underground” nowadays is definitely accessible and within reach, so it’s harder to recommend things you may not have heard.

        You may have heard about or actually heard these already: I’d recommend the new albums by Deiphago and Clandestine Blaze if you haven’t heard them yet. The new Deiphago is probably their best material. Just pure punishing bestial shit. I really enjoy the new Clandestine Blaze. Pure second wave worship. Malthusian’s new EP Below the Hengiform was a big winner for me, too. Gritty, riff-tastic death metal with more than a pinch of doom.

        New split between Black Witchery and Revenge was awesome (available from NWN!), as was the new Vorum EP, Current Mouth. Speaking of NWN!, Sect Pig’s new album “Self Reversed” is fucking gnarly–grotesque, primal VON worship with eerie samples. Also, the Swarþ compilation “Omines Pestilentiae” is one of my favorites thus far this year. They do a killer cover version of Malign’s “Sinful Fleshspear.”

        For upcoming albums: Cruciamentum are releasing their debut album soon, as are Pissgrave (both on Profound Lore). New shit is hitting the underground everyday. It’s hard to keep up!

        • Tyree

          Damn, I made a Hell’s Headbangers purchase last week and forgot to pick up that Deiphago album.

          • RJA

            Hell’s does have 2 of their 3 portal vinyl reissues available now. I don’t know what kind of numbers they are pressing but they are very affordable.

          • Tyree

            Good to know. I’ll check it out tonight. Thanks.

        • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

          Thanks, there’s a bunch of releases here I was unaware of. Will check these out.

        • RJA

          I would say devouring star’s record or the mispyrming is probably my favorite of the year so far. When I have time to enjoy it I’ve been playing the Il’ithil album from psychic violence and the akhlys record from debemur morti

          • Howard Dean

            That Akhlys album is really good. I feel like I haven’t given it enough attention this year. Will have to revisit it.

            Also, Amestigon’s Thier was another solid black metal album. Lots of great BM this year.

          • Lacertilian

            Akhlys was profane as fuck and deserved more replays that what I gave it.

          • Tyree

            Devouring Star is tits. Good pick, I was able to snag that on vinyl.

  • Well… my total score ended up being 14.283 before I got Uranus’s orbit shoved up my ass. So I guess that is pretty good, right??

    GL

    • Pants Full Of Spaghetti O’s
      • Best film ever made ?…??…???

        • Sir Tapir the Based™

          Nope

          • You know nothing, Tapir the Based.

          • Sir Tapir the Based™

            I KNOW EVERYTHING

          • The world fucking ends. You should be lapping that shit up with your all-hating pornographic tapir tongue. (No you don’t.)

          • Sir Tapir the Based™

            You wash your fucking mouth young man! (Yes I do)

          • I already brushed twice today–and you’re not my Mom. (Wait, unless you are . . . Are you my mom???)

          • Sir Tapir the Based™

            You’re going to bed without dessert! (Yes, I am your mom)

          • Then I guess it’s a bit weird that I’m developing sexytime feelings for you, huh . . . ?

          • Sir Tapir the Based™

            I’m creeped out and flattered at the same time.

          • My work here is done.

        • Pants Full Of Spaghetti O’s

          I dunno if it’s part of a movie, but it’s high art to me!

          • Tyree
          • Pants Full Of Spaghetti O’s

            Lol, I meant the toilet one. Me thinks we’ve got our wires crossed

          • I am palming my face harder than humanly possible right now. Melancholia. Get on it, son. (Also downvoting you harder than you’ve ever been downvoted before…)

          • Pants Full Of Spaghetti O’s

            Because that movie is so fucking awesome that the upvote button exploded and spilled over into the downvote button. I get it!

          • Pants Full Of Spaghetti O’s

            My goof, I thought you meant the talking toilet one. Of course I know what Melancholia is! Lars Van Trier is one of my favorite directors.

          • I’m really only a fan of his last 3 films–but holy hootin’ fuck are those some damn fine films. I don’t think anyone currently working in cinema can touch him.

          • Pants Full Of Spaghetti O’s

            I haven’t seen anything since Melancholia, sadly enough.

          • Nymphomaniac is available on the netflax in its entirety–both the theatrical and director’s cuts. Does yoo has the netflax?

          • Pants Full Of Spaghetti O’s

            Nope, but I can DL it sometime.

        • Pants Full Of Spaghetti O’s

          If you thought that end of the world scene was good, check out Knowing sometime.

  • FUKKBEARD

    So my score ended up being a drawing of a tapir

  • Disgustache

    None of these answers really struck me as anything I would do. I just want to climb tall buildings with hot babes and have people in planes filming me you know?

    Well, then I must be King Kong.

    http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_pP76_gmyWCA/S7I3c-POWjI/AAAAAAAAAHY/_9TADXwor0w/s1600/IngloriousBastards-CU01-wide-horizontal.jpg

  • tertius_decimus

    I wanna be myself. Period.

    • Well said!

      GL

    • KJM

      You are:

      Link Leonhart: Your hobbies include destroying intestines with Merol Chicken, slaying posers with Valerian Steel, and searching for riffs in the darker corners of Maracaibo. Unbeknownst to your friends, you lead a secret life on weekends where you are known as Allesandro The Malandro and spend your nights playing with gunz and tooting Reggaeton horns.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-i6rFjNQUwE

      • tertius_decimus

        So utterly wrong on so many levels, that even hard to find a point to start.

        • KJM

          Well, it’s not as if any of these quizzes are accurate anyway.

      • Pants Full Of Spaghetti O’s

        I misread that one part as Alessandra (Ambrosio)! I was like “Link is a Victoria’s Secret model now?!?!?”.

        • People here still are ignorant of my darkest secrets ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).

          • Links Darkest Secrets List:
            1.) I Link, love trees
            2.) I Link, also love lamps. I love lamp.

            -LL

          • A friend trolled me once with a Reggaeton horn. He made me turn 200 % volume of the PC to send me a horror voice note of something that was very quiet. And then…

            FÁ FÁ FÁ FÁAAAAA

            ._.)

          • Pants Full Of Spaghetti O’s

            People still mistake me for Naomi Campbell.

      • now this is funny

  • M Shadows!

    My score told me I’m M Shadows!

    • Pants Full Of Spaghetti O’s

      Welcome back, Comrade Bro-Ski!

  • Jormungandr

    Did I win!?

  • Kevin Nash & Friends

    My score is 77. I got Tony Martin.

    “You have talent and knowledge of your talent but you are forgoten by most due to a lack of stage presence and poor songwriting. Your era of the band is very underrated and is being rediscovered by the masses again after a long time of being forgotten.”

    • Sir Tapir the Based™

      Remember when you said that this quiz was inaccurate? That means you’re most likely not Tony Martin.
      #sadfactsoflife

      • Kevin Nash & Friends

        I deconstructed the quiz and reformed it to give me the choice I want.

        • Sir Tapir the Based™

          So you cheated.

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            Yup.

          • Sir Tapir the Based™

            That’s disgusting.

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            I don’t care. As a wise man once said “Lie, cheat, steal.” May Eddie Guerrero rest in peace.

          • Sir Tapir the Based™

            Tony Martin is ashamed of you.

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            No he isn’t. Neither is Eddie Guerrero.

  • Pants Full Of Spaghetti O’s

    I’m the one who eats ham and egg biscuits for breakfast, and eats a whole box of jerky for desert.

  • Maik Beninton™

    I didn’t write down my points. Will I get a visit from our favorite dead composer?

  • you mentioned Ravenous. <3 for life.

    • KJM

      You are:

      Elmer J Fudd, Millionaire: You own a mansion and a yacht. Repeat as needed.

      • more beer

        Classic.

    • Lacertilian

      was about as relevant as possible really.
      Helps that it is fucking entertaining as fuck!

  • Surprise motherfucker! I’m Dr. Whet Faartz!

  • DCLXVI

    I’m going to go decapitate the 5th poopie I’ve made today. rough day on the potty

    • Lacertilian

      A diet of coal will do that to your co(a)lon.

  • Pants Full Of Spaghetti O’s
  • pïgchop™

    I have wondered about bands with names such as this. Do members of such bands ever start thinking, ya’ know – while sitting on a shitter or gardening: ‘maybe the band name is stupid’…?

    In other thoughts: will the new SLAYER album see the band phoning it in? I HOPE NOT! Man, they have a real monster of rage and thrash in the band now – should have let him write some shit. Oh well – I still think the new album is going to be good. http://s23.postimg.org/evjriptij/Slayer_Repentless_Cover4.jpg

    • Pants Full Of Spaghetti O’s

      Repentless (By Kerry “Burger” King)

      Arby’s, velveeta, my bowels in disarray
      Dealing with indigestion every fuckin’ day
      I hate the diets, hate the fame, hate fitting in my jeans
      Pouring Crisco on Eggo Waffles, countless calories

      Ain’t got the time, I don’t want anything from you
      Feeding on my tamales is all I fuckin’ do
      No looking back, no regrets, no apologies

      What you get is what you see
      Linguini, on high
      Repentless, my pizza just arrived

      My toilet relives the atrocities
      Can’t take Stoufer’s any fuckin’ more
      Intensity, anarchy, hamburgers amplified
      Taking a shit is all that keeps me alive

      I leave it all in the commode on the stage
      This is my life where I fill it everyday
      So take your shot, bottom’s up, this is no lie
      I’ll be eating McDonald’s ’til the day I die

      Slim Fast, on high
      Repentless, cheeseburgers on the fly

      I ate the eggs, ate the ham, ate the fuckin’ plate
      Eating match of nachos, fuckin’ cheddar cheese
      Ain’t got the time, I don’t want anything from you
      Looking at my belly is all you fuckin’ do

      No looking back, no regrets, no apologies
      What you get is what you see
      My beer gut grows a little more everyday

      Eat fast, on high
      Repentless, my buffet order just arrived

      • pïgchop™

        amusing. haha.

        • Pants Full Of Spaghetti O’s

          And tops the original lyrics!

  • Alucard, Fuckmothering Vampire

    Did the test. No, still a Fuckmothering Vampire.

  • Maik Beninton™

    My score told me I am my squid neighbor. I gotta go move to his house.

  • pïgchop™

    American icon edition?