What Do You People Do With Your Metal Stickers?

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If you are anything like these two dorks, you attach them to your face to distract interlocutors from your dead eyes and botox-induced facial paralysis.

Hello you fine literate metalheads of the Toilet. Although many of you clearly fall into the category of metalbuttz. Whether you are a metalhead or a metalbutt or something in between, I’d like to know what on Earth you use your metal stickers for. You know, the ones you buy at merch tables or on craigslist if that still exists or the ones that you get for free with purchases from bands and labels. Because let’s face it: as cool as metal stickers may be, we’re all adults here, and at this point in our lives stickers are pretty useless. Unless of course you’re one of those special adults who still takes a lunchbox to class or work (for instance a vintage He-Man box containing Shark Bites, a PB&J sandwich on white bread with the crusts cut off, and a bag of grapes your mom/significant other believes you will eat).

I like stickers. Who doesn’t? I never purchase them, but occasionally one or two or six will show up unexpectedly with a CD or shirt I’ve ordered. These are the good days. The CDs and shirts are awesome–but you knew they were coming. It’s the surprise stickers which inspire you to go to the dry-erase calendar on your refrigerator and smudge out whatever box you’ve allotted for “kill self here”. I am always filled with childlike glee upon the discovery of free metal stickers. I shake them out of the envelope, spread them out on the coffee table and study them with a stupid smile on my jerk face. Some stickers represent bands or entities I adore; others are simply too sexy not to stick on something. I am brimming with optimism. The possibilities for utilizing these stickers toward the long-term betterment of self and life seem endless.

That is, until I try to think of a single specific possibility. The glee is short-lived, kiddies. The swift and bludgeoning realization that I have no use for these marvelous stickers leads to existential angst: If I cannot even figure out what to do with these attractive and very badass stickers, how am I supposed to figure out what to do with my life? I wait and wait and wait…and the answer never comes. Days pass…weeks…and then, out of sheer desperation, I begin the sticking process.

The stickers I find aesthetically pleasing yet not necessarily indicative of my specific tastes usually end up on the dolly I use for work. (The dolly was already covered in nauseating energy drink stickers when it was bequeathed to me, so not only am I personalizing it–I am simultaneously making the world a less mediocre place.) A manager at a Circle K correctly described these stickers as “brutal”. My supervisor incorrectly identified them as “Satanic”. I mean, yeah, sure, that one cat has an inverted cross on its forehead (which you can’t really see because my camera is a better phone than a camera), but come on, it’s an ironic inverted cross. And sure, some of those bands employ generic Satanic themes and imagery, but it’s all in good fun; I doubt any of them are practicing Satanists. Anyway…

 

Guess all 4, win a prize.

Guess all 4, win a prize.


The stickers which signify things I hold most dearly sometimes make it to the bumper of my car. These are precious few. First of all, I’m not really into bumper stickers. At best they give you something to squint at while driving behind someone; at worst they are infuriatingly ostentatious and/or cluttered. I don’t even think many of the stickers I’ve gotten are intended to work as bumper stickers–many of them succumb swiftly to the hot, dry wind and the pitiless, searing sunlight.

Autumns Eyes, Leviathan, Protolith

Autumns Eyes, Leviathan, Protolith


So as to avoid rear-bumper clutter, I affix many of my stickers to the leg of the dark “wood” desk where I write. Why? I don’t know. Maybe I’m sentimental. Maybe I just panicked.

Profound Lore, Tartarus, Leviathan

Profound Lore, Tartarus, Leviathan


I used to put stickers on the cover of my laptop computers, but…laptops have a ridiculously short lifespan, and each time one dies it takes a whole mess of beloved stickers with it, and I don’t really need that level of grief in my life. So I try not to stick shit to my new(est) laptop. Except for just this one. I could not resist the opportunity to profane the icon of Our Lord and Savior.

StickerApple


There is a sad place in my apartment which is neither here nor there. I call it Sticker Limbo. This is a small pile on an end table containing duplicates, stickers I hate but can’t bring myself to discard, or those whose rightful destination continues to elude me.

Burial Tree, Thou (patch, but still), more Protolith

Burial Tree, Thou (patch, but still), more Protolith


It is not generally recommended to put stickers on your pets. But my cats really dig Leviathan. See below for proof. (Disclaimer: two felines were perturbed and inconvenienced in the making of this article.)

20160628_172843

20160628_172658


If you prefer not to stick things to your pets because you are not cruel (or you cannot catch them), you can always stick them to whatever instrument you play in your awful imaginary one-person whatevercore band. I was recently gifted this electronic drumset, which I totally do not plan to use to record my bedroom black metal demo. It seemed as fitting an object as any to double as a beacon of my consumer preference:

Can you feel me play, Wrest?

Can you feel me play, Wrest?


I reached out to some others for editorial balance. Boss the Ross responded with these stickers he found in the streets of the world. Which is actually probably the best place for any metal sticker. Don’t be miserly and horde them to yourself. Share them with Nature. Spread the word. Deface Beautify public and private property alike. With metal stickers in the streets, wherever you are is where it is most definitely appropriate to open this fuckin’ pit up. (Note: I’m well aware that Boss is a superior photographer.)

13548910_270431116649654_1722502114_o

stickerross2

stickerross3
stickerross4

Boss also sent me photos of the stickers on his turntable, but…uh…they contain a metal band I am not willing to endorse, so…sorry Ross.


And Cybernetic Organism says “I only need one sticker on my guitar case.” Classy as always.

stickercybro


So, You People. What do you do with your metal stickers? Collect them in a drawer? Mount them behind glass? Throw them in the garbage? Confess to Disqus below. Photos mandatory welcome.

 

(via)

  • Lacertilian

    Until around a decade ago I could relate to your sticker angst. Then I bought a big boring white telescope. This prick was just begging to be defaced with my accumulated junk.
    Not so smug now with some generic thrash stickers of unknown origin emblazoned upon your stolid cylindrical shell, are you? How do you like defunct mid-2000’s bands? You fuck.
    Collimate yourself.

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      2 CLUTCH STICKERS!!!

      • I see 3?

        • Señor Jefe El Rosa

          OH MAN!!! THERE WAS ONE HIDING!!!
          GL>>>>

          LIZARDKINGTELESCOPE>>>>

          • Lacertilian

            There’s actually 4.
            They all came in a pack, of which I got 3 sets so I gave some to a couple of mates.

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            SOLID

    • Stickers – they gotta go somewhere. I feel an ad campaign brewing here.

      • CyberneticOrganism

        Stickers – Better Than Band-Aids

        • Waynecro

          I can see using some stickers to patch all the growing tears in my black-faux-leather couch. You could also use the stickers to make a metal-themed Twister mat and have oodles of fun with all your metal pals. “Fuck yo spine, fool. Right foot Vale of Pnath!”

          • tertius_decimus

            > “Fuck yo spine, fool. Right foot Vale of Pnath!”

            Died. 😀

          • brokensnow

            I used to cover holes in my bedroom wall with the size stickers from new jeans lol.

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            Hahaha, this comment makes me happy

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    I don’t do much with music stickers.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Put them on your sister, then tell her about Toilet Ov Hell

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        She’d kill me if I did that. She hates my music.

        • CyberneticOrganism

          Film it and go viral.

  • Used to tape them to the walls of my dorm rooms in college to establish dominance over lesser roommates.

    • Same. But to be fair, there was little I did not hang on the walls in my quest for dominance.

  • Elegant Gazing Globe

    Bro

    • /buys $40k used truck
      /puts $399.99 worth of stupid ass stickers on aforementioned truck
      /broformation complete

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Bros love their sugar bomb drinks

      • I knew a guy in my residence hall in college who was never seen without an energy drink in his hand. Two years later he was diagnosed with teh ‘betes. Shit ain’t no joke. He wasn’t even an overweight dude or anything.

    • Celtic Frosty

      I can’t imagine being a person who thinks “Monster energy drinks represent my aesthetic.”

      • Probably a sales rep or promotional vehicle. Or am I giving the human race too much credit?

    • brokensnow

      I see 3 getchya pull points.

    • ALL the pulls

  • Pentagram Sam

    Stick the stickers on guitar cases. However, on the glorious day I get a real deal Lifton style case for the LP (Tokai repro or a Gibson reissue, not vintage, but not a cheap ass knockoff) no stickers shall adorn the sweet exterior.

    But that still leaves the two others to profane.

    Used to have them on the back window of an old truck, but since then haven’t put em on cars. Maybe, just maybe, I get pulled over less without loud ass stickers in a very conservative town? hmmmmmm

  • Abradolf Lincler

    all stickers immediately apply to either the lid for my turntable or to my laptop

    I refuse to put stickers on my cars

    • more beer

      I don’t put them on my truck either. There are so many dumbasses here who put all sorts of weed stickers on their vehicles. While yes it is legal. You still aren’t allowed to drive high. Why even give the cops ammunition to pull you over and fuck with you. A DWI is a DWI whether you are high or drunk.

      • Abradolf Lincler

        not even just that, i live in deep bible country, and most all my band stickers are upside down crosses and pentagrams and dirty words, just be begging for some halfwit chrisian to vandalize my car

        • more beer

          Yea better to just keep all of that to yourself. Because they won’t consider that a crime. But instead call it doing gods work.

        • Hans Müller

          Sounds like you need one of these.

  • Owlswald

    If it’s your own band sticker, one has to go in the bathroom of every venue you play. Preferred location is right at eye level above the urinal or toilet.

  • RJA

    “Because let’s face it: as cool as metal stickers may be, we’re all adults here, and at this point in our lives stickers are pretty useless.”
    I have a drawer full of stickers – I just imagine that I’m 20 years younger and put them wherever the hell I want – and then leave them in the drawer. I should send them to one of you young punks.

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      Gimme gimme gimme

    • CyberneticOrganism

      I’m planning on buying a shit used bass, spraypainting everything black and covering every inch with stickers. I’ll gladly accept donations.

      • wut if u painted it blvck, covered it in stickers, painted it all blvck again, then covered it entirely in stickers again? meta-sticker-blvck bass

        • CyberneticOrganism

          Dude, it’d be all about the stickers you can’t see…

          • RJA

            “you wouldn’t believe all the stickers that are underneath these stickers”!

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Local Moms Hate This One Weird Trick For Unused Metal Stickers!

          • Deceased Local Motor Scooter Champion Family Not Impressed With Local Vandals Unused Metal Sticker Campaign Against Waste: Headstone Vandalized, Painted Black

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Good callback. 5 pulls.

          • Ayreonaut

            Hahahaha

        • tertius_decimus

          Almost sounds like dark matter explanation.

        • BobLoblaw

          I bet Dragged Into Sunlight’s stickers have the sticky side on the front.

          • Waynecro

            You win.

      • RJA

        They are in probably 3 locations – I will gladly send you a batch. ryan.ackelson@mchsi.com send me your address if you like.

        • CyberneticOrganism

          Sweet! Thanks a ton dude, email on its way.

      • Scrimm

        I’ve been thinking of making a stickered guitar also

      • Lacertilian

        A workmate’s old band had a bass player who conveniently worked at a printing place where they got 1000’s of stickers printed up. Dude gave me a big ol’ pile of them.
        Ended up covering the bins at my old rental house, a couple of shitty coffee tables and also cut them up to cover my first classical acoustic guitar. I’ll dust it off and take a pic if I remember.

    • tertius_decimus

      Gran Torino citation:

      …my friend… Thao Vang Lor. On the condition that you don’t chop-top
      the roof like one of those beaners, don’t paint any idiotic flames on it
      like some white trash hillbilly, and don’t put a big, gay spoiler on
      the rear end like you see on all the other zipperheads’ cars. It just
      looks like hell. If you can refrain from doing any of that… it’s
      yours.

      • RJA

        You have Gran Torino on the mind huh? I’m not that far off from that – I made the dealership take their stickers off my truck.

        • tertius_decimus

          Awesome movie.

  • tertius_decimus

    I don’t like stickerbombing, prefer keep things as close to condition they were been designed, unless we talk about signature plates.

    This is the sticker from saddle package I’ve bought recently. Will merely look after it for next generations (yep, Patek Phillipe was here).

  • Señor Jefe El Rosa

    I carry my lunch to work in a Robocop lunchbox.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      10 pulls

      • Señor Jefe El Rosa

        HOT DAMN!

    • tertius_decimus

      You won all Intrenetz today! Chuck Norris applauds in a standing ovation.

      Wanna make Batman lunchbox based on the useless machine concept now.

    • Keepin’ it gangsta!

      • Señor Jefe El Rosa

        Damn straight

  • I have piles of stickers from both bands I was in years ago. No idea what to do with all that shit. And don’t get me started on the hundreds of CDs that were never sold.

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      Gimme gimme gimme

    • Zeke

      I have the gouge demo buried somewhere. I think someone gave it to me at castle heights

      • What?! Small world that I would actually encounter someone on here that has that in their possession. I don’t even have a copy of my own.

  • “Laptops have a ridiculously short lifespan”. So, in America, laptops are disposable?!

    I only had two stickers from Venezuelan bands. They went to my father fridge (now in my house, which means that the stickers never went far away from me).

    • When they die, they die. :/

      • I repaired my notebook just once. Still with Windows XP and doing the hard work helping me to listen music, write, watching movies and play retro videogames.

        **flex emoji/10**

  • RJA

    “which I totally do not plan to use to record my bedroom black metal demo”

    On this topic – I listened to a couple minutes of this yesterday –
    hilarious.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKFtZAaUz7U

    • I put my headphones far away with a lot of volume, pressed play and giggled because it sounded like a construction working place, jajajaja. Hammering and drilling and shit.

      • RJA

        I mean, I listen to some terrible sounding shit sometimes – but there are stretches of this that may be the worst I’ve ever heard.

        • Do not worry. In all fairness, we all know here that metal is terrible, we just pretend we are music journalists for hearing grown men and women scream at a microphone about whatever they are screaming at the moment.

          Don’t get me start on the guitars!

          :p

          • tertius_decimus

            Who, actually, enjoys those gorilla scream vocals? O-o-oh, it’s so silly and distasteful!

          • Abradolf Lincler

            Dian Fossey

    • CyberneticOrganism

      This is… huh. Wow.

    • Hans Müller

      Well… I didn’t want to turn it off immediately. I didn’t ask myself why anyone would ever do this. I guess that just goes to show what prolonged exposure to the Toilet can do to you.

      • RJA

        I hear you – I listened to about 5-10 more minutes when I went to find the link!

  • Scrimm

    They go on my guitar case, but I still have a pile to put on there

    • Lacertilian

      Send us pics of the Scrimmitar case on the group.

  • Waynecro

    Protip #1: The red color in stickers fades after long-term exposure to sunlight. Choose black-and-white stickers if you want to avoid driving around with a massive pink Cannibal Corpse logo on your car for, like, six years. Protip #2: If you live in the Bay Area, putting a Dying Fetus sticker on your car invites every unhinged aging liberal to scream at you for your “pro-lifer” message until they shut up long enough for you to tell them that Dying Fetus is a band and you’re just trying to use the Whole Foods gift card you got for your birthday in peace.

    • tertius_decimus

      But what if some bloke or chick will paint Cannibal Corpse logo in pink with a highliter or a lipstick while your car is out when you sleep at night? That’s a real threat.

      • Waynecro

        Bumper-sticker vandalism is a serious crime. Against my wishes, the last band I was in paid to print a massive batch of tacky “Got Band Name?” stickers. They knew I fucking hated them, so they put them on my car when I wasn’t looking. I promptly ripped them off the car, balled them up, and threw the sticker ball at the singer’s girlfriend.

        • tertius_decimus

          #toh rebellious acts

          • Waynecro

            That band sucked, but the drummer was old enough to buy alcohol.

          • tertius_decimus

            >18?
            >21?

            What is the legal age in US?

          • Waynecro

            It’s 21. I think I was 19 or so at the time.

          • more beer

            Here’s a drinking age horror story for you. The drinking age was 18 when I was young. I joined the service at 17. Well I turned 18 the very next day the drinking age was raised to 19. So I had to wait a whole year to be legal again. I turned 19 and was legal again well on new years day when I was 20 they raised the drinking age again to 21. I now had 6 more months until I was legal again. That giving me the right to drink and then taking it away really sucked.

          • Waynecro

            Goddamn, man. That’s a Kafkaesque nightmare right there.

          • more beer

            It truly cemented my hate for the government.

          • Waynecro

            It’s pretty easy to hate the government when it so blatantly kicks you in the nuts.

          • more beer

            While I have many other reasons. This really pissed me off. The second time I was even a veteran by then. They didn’t even have the decency to leave a grandfather clause. No they just too my rights away again.

          • the government lets a person die in combat, but not damage his or her own liver. yup.

          • more beer

            It is still that way.

          • tertius_decimus

            Is in US that thing “no one will be forgotten” can be heard as often as in CIS countries (which is a lie)?

          • Someone from the future saw what your Disqus handle would wind up being and bumped up the drinking age to further discourage you.

          • more beer

            Well fuck them. That certainly didn’t work.

        • CyberneticOrganism

          Oof, that band is reaching back decades with that “Got X?” joke.

          • hungry for apples?

          • Waynecro

            Yeah, it was old and stupid even back then. Those guys were dipshits.

  • J.R.™

    I voiced this concern to the Facebook group when replacing my current stickered stereo for one that hadn’t blown up. I’ll probably just be lame and put them in a binder or something. Most of the physical things in my life are constantly being upgraded or replaced. Not good for sticker staying

  • Celtic Frosty

    I used to put them on the plastic box that holds all of my CDs, but I ran out of room. Now they sit utterly abandoned in a drawer, never to be peeled and stuck.

  • brokensnow

    practice space wall.

  • atchdav

    I stick them to magnetic sheets and then cut them out to make fridge magnets.

  • Put them on your dong – Dickers

  • Banana ____________

  • more beer

    My standing tool box. Because a man’s tools should stay with him for life.

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      Hell yes

      • more beer

        I mean really is there abetter place for them.

  • sweetooth0

    I put my stickers all over my original pair of speakers I built boxes for back in highschool as my final project for grade 12 industrial arts. They wrap around on to the sides as well which you can’t see in the attached photos. I also built a stand/record shelf for my turntable which I have begun to sticker, but i don’t have a photo of that. I do love my stickers.

    • Dude, I saw pictures of your speakers. Really fucking impressive collection you got!

      EDIT: I didn’t refresh page.

      • sweetooth0

        I’ll try and get some pics of the sides, there’s a lot more of my recent and more “trve cvlt” shit stickered on to the sides because I started at the front.

    • YOU MAKE MY WORDS, I AM GETTING MY GRADE 10

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Love that little Regan sticker on the bottom

  • Hans Müller

    Thank you for referring to us as People.

    I dig your description of the emotional journey that receiving stickers puts you on. What a profound statement on capitalism: Consume to stave off suicide.
    I may be reading too much into this.

  • Ayreonaut

    I put them on the back of my jeeps. Both of my jeeps tailgates are almost completely covered in band/offroad company stickers. I have to start moving to the sides now haha.

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      Pictures?

      • Ayreonaut

        I’ll see if I can snap one. How do you post pictures on here?

        • Señor Jefe El Rosa

          Click on the little image doo dad in the bottom left corner and aytach away!

  • Megan Alexandra

    “It’s the surprise stickers which inspire you to go to the dry-erase calendar on your refrigerator and smudge out whatever box you’ve allotted for ‘kill self here’.”

    TOO REAL

  • Bob

    SOMETIMES I PIN THEM TO MY WALL OR STICK THEM TO MY COMPUTER DESK. SOME THAT I REALLY LIKE I PUT ON M GUITAR AMP. SOME I PUT ON THE BOXES THAT HOLD MY RECORDS. FUCK YOU AXL!!!!