Welcome to Hell(‘s Kitchen)! Cooking for Metalheads, Vol. 1

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Greetings, basement urchins and frostbitten pariahs. I’m here today to talk about one of your basic human needs: food. We may all have varying tastes in extreme metal, but one thing we all share in common is our need to eat something. However, I’m just going to make a biased assumption that since you’re here on a metal blog, you probably don’t know how to feed yourself very well. Even my dear friend Masterlord subsists largely on El Monterey frozen burritos. Hell, the writers once had a lengthy discussion regarding the poverty food that was a staple for each of us growing up.

Well, I’m here today to change all that, one recipe at a time. “But W., why does it matter if the only thing I can cook is grilled cheese and Wolf brand chili?” Let me put it this way. You don’t want to settle for the Five Finger Death Punch equivalent of a meal when you can have a rich Blut Aus Nord recipe, right? “But W., every meal I touch turns to ashes.” I know. That’s why we’re going to start things slow and simple.

Today I’ve selected a relatively simple recipe that’s also extremely delicious. I present to you my southwestern sweet potato (yam) burrito recipe. Below is a list of ingredients and cooking instructions so that even the most incapable amongst you can handle this dish. I’ll also be providing a beer pairing to enhance the flavor as well as a metal album to enjoy while you dine. So get your spatulas ready; let’s do some cooking!

Southwestern Sweet Potato Burritos Ingredients:

  • 1 onion
  • 1 large can of sugared yams or sweet potatoes
  • 1 can of green chiles
  • 1 can of refried black beans
  • 2 cups of shredded cheese (fiesta blend)
  • 10 fluffy tortillas
  • Various spices (more on this later)

The real strength of this meal is the vibrant dichotomy between sweet and spicy. The green chiles, seasonings, and salsa will add a toasty warmth to the burritos offset by the silky sweetness of the sweet potatoes or yams. This is a fun, vegetarian-friendly meal that touches your taste buds in multiple places. It’s also quite filling and provides you with a nice serving of protein, veggies, starch, carbs, and dairy. A balanced meal is the key to the maintaining your poser-slaying strength. For the more bloodthirsty among you, consider adding some shredded pork to the onion-bean-chile mix.

Directions:

1. Preheat the oven to 450º. DO NOT MISS THIS STEP. You really don’t want to be stuck waiting for the oven to heat after you’ve fully prepared the dish. This is sort of the intro track that sets the entire mood for the album.

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2. Cut the onion. There are a number of worrisome individuals here who have probably chopped a thing or two, so this part shouldn’t be an issue. Try to cut the onion into small pieces. You don’t want to have half a strand of onion hanging out of your mouth after a large bite of burrito. Also, if you’re not a metalhead of grit and often weep like a poser listening to Black Veil Brides when you cut onions, chew some gum during the process.

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3. Sauté the onion. The goal here is to get the slices of onion relatively soft. Don’t skimp on the oil in the pan, or you’ll end up with blackened chunks. That may work for crust bands, but we don’t want that here. This is something that you’ll have to feel out, but 5-10 minutes on high should be more than sufficient.

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4. Add in the black refried beans and green chiles. Just like a top tier metal band that’s able to draw upon a little bit of everything to enhance the overall aesthetic of an album, recipes often work best when the individual flavors are allowed to comingle in a delicious milieu, enhancing each and bringing out a delectably cohesive taste. Think of it similarly to The Chariot’s awesome grand finale One Wing. It wouldn’t have been nearly as potent if the western chords, horns, spoken words, keys, etc. hadn’t been allowed to simmer together in the same studio. Stir the refried beans, green chiles and onions together until a relatively uniform mixture is reached. Continue to cook on high.

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5. Flavor the mix. Today, I’m adding salt, pepper, Tony’s, herbed poultry (note: this removes the vegetarian appeal of the meal, so use as desired), ground cumin, and chile powder. Normally I would also include fresh garlic, but I somehow happened to run out. However, garlic enhances everything and is great for your health, so don’t skip it if you can. You can vary which spices you use on this dish, but I recommend you try to pick flavors that will bring out both the sweetness and the spiciness of the dish. I’ve also added a little chipotle salsa from New Mexico to give the dish that extra kick. This dish will taste well enough without any additional spices, but adding some extra ingredients can really help a recipe to stand out, just like a tasteful little solo or drum fill enhances a song. One word of caution, though. Don’t over-salt the mix. Once you do, what has been done can never be undone. Once all the seasonings are added, stir the mix and continue to heat on high until it starts bubbling. Reduce heat to low.

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6. Prepare the yams (sweet potatoes). I usually pour out the syrup from the can before heating the yams in a pot. This can help reduce the overpowering sweetness of this ingredient. You can leave a little syrup in the yams if you want to up the saccharine factor. However, I would suggest that if you pour out the syrup, add a little milk to keep the consistency relatively creamy. I’ve added some  because the wife strongly prefers the company of non-dairy milk. Now you need to mash the yams until you have a viscous layer. Cook on high until the yams start bubbling. Reduce heat to low.

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7. Prepare the pan. At this point, you’ll want to get the pan ready. You should be using a roughly large glass cookware pan. I prefer Pyrex because, in addition to making designer shorts that give you all kinds of street cred, the company produces glassware that is not to be trifled with. Oil the pan up with some vegetable oil. You may want to coat the sides as well.

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8. Roll the burritos. You’ve almost reached the end! For this step, you’re going to need to assemble the burritos. You may want to heat the tortillas in the microwave for about 10 second to make them pliable. Add about a standard spoonful of the onion-bean-chile mix, a spoon of yams, and a sprinkle of cheese into each tortilla. You don’t want to cram too much in at this point because you want to fit all 10 tortillas in the pan. You may need to squeeze two tortillas into the side at the end of the others. Roll the tortillas fairly tightly.

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9. Add the top layer. At this point, you’re going to pour the remaining onion mix and sweet potatoes onto the top of the tortillas. Spread both around until the covering is relatively even. Sprinkle more cheese on top. This is sort of like adding the final production touches to your well-tuned album.

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10. Cook for ten minutes. Pretty self-explanatory. Don’t cook these bad boys for two long. Slap on some oven mitts and pull them out when that buzzer goes off.

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11. Enjoy! Scarf down your tasty meal. You’ve earned it. Don’t forget to clean the dishes afterwards. A man who can handle himself in the kitchen is a worthy warrior indeed.

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Beer Pairing: A lot of you are binge-drinkers, so put away that Natty Light and pay attention. For this meal, you want a fall-flavored beer. Something with a fruity note that isn’t overpowering. I’d suggest Dogfish Head’s pumpkin ale. The smooth brown sugar taste and full-bodied spice notes will accentuate the beautiful duality of the meal.

Album Pairing: This is an earthy, warm meal that excels in its contrasting nature. To match it, you want something with a southwestern flair that will both hit you over the head with some heavy moments but also give you space to enjoy the beauty and grandeur of the piece as a whole. Might I suggest Prehistoricisms by Intronaut? That rich bass tone and California attitude perfectly accentuate the texture and zest of your sweet potato burritos.

Don’t let me down, kitchen warriors! Go forth and conquer.

(Photos VIA and VIA)

  • “….so put away that Natty Light and pay attention ”

    🙁

    GL

    • does not compute

      • I will say…
        Dogfish Head 90 min IPA >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> EVERYTHING

        GL

        • Dragon’s Milk / Blaecorn Unidragon > *

          • Bob Saget

            The Lowe’s Food that just opened up down the road from me is selling growlers of Dragon’s Milk. Hollaback youngin!

  • Death

    I don’t need food, I’m a Namekian.

    • does not compute

      GL

    • Pagliacci is Kvlt

      That’s more believable than saying you’re from Finland. Namekia might actually exist.

      • Death

        I think you mean Namek.

        • Pagliacci is Kvlt

          Nah, he’s the Sub-Mariner.

          • W.

            I think you mean Namor.

          • Pagliacci is Kvlt

            No, that’s the guy that played Gomer Pyle.

          • KJM
          • W.

            I’m glad you’re doing this.

          • You mean Nabors?

          • Pagliacci is Kvlt

            No, you’re thinking of that film with John Belushi and Dan Aykroyd.

          • Stockhausen

            Saving Private Ryan? No that was Vin Diesel.

          • Pagliacci is Kvlt

            No, that was Goldie Hawn.

          • Howard Dean
          • Pagliacci is Kvlt

            Vincent Del Toro? He played Hunter S. Thompson’s pal in Leaving Las Vegas.

          • Stockhausen

            I’m fairly certain you’re thinking of Viva Las Vegas, directed by Guillermo Del Toro, starring John Torturro.

          • W.

            No, you’re thinking of Elvis Costello.

          • KJM

            I don’t know…THIRD BASE!!!

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTcRRaXV-fg

          • W.

            No, you’re thinking of that band Immortal.

          • Stockhausen

            Ah, Austin Powers. My bad.

          • KJM

            Is it wrong that I would actually want to see this film?

          • Pagliacci is Kvlt

            That’s right, he also directed Blade II with Wesley Willis. “Rock over London, rock on Chicago!”

          • KJM

            “Duracell, no other battery lasts longer!!”

          • Pagliacci is Kvlt

            I think you’re getting him confused with Robert Conrad. He did those commercials where he put the battery on his shoulder.

          • KJM

            Oh yeah, he used to play Nero Wolfe on TV!!

            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NJ-UEzG7dk

          • Pagliacci is Kvlt

            Yeah, sad he went from Citizen Dick to those wine commercials for Vidal Massoon. “We will sell no wine before its time.”

          • KJM

            Nah, you’re thinking of H.G. Wells.

          • Pagliacci is Kvlt

            No, he’s the guy that wrote “The Island of Adrienne Barbeau.”

          • Death

            I have no idea what you’re talking about. I was talking about DBZ.

          • Pagliacci is Kvlt

            Oh, you mean that band with the white guy from South Africa?

          • /dead!

          • W.

            This is one of my favorite circle jerks.

          • KJM

            It’s a nice preview of the conversations we’ll be having when we’re over 70 and can barely hear ourselves think.

          • Death

            This is not funny.

          • You are so wrong about that.

          • KJM

            Nah, he means the guy who sings ‘Party Up’

            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfDDuhhhVg4

          • W.

            Nah, you’re talking about that bikie sport.

          • Pagliacci is Kvlt

            Oh, Eddie Murphy!

          • KJM

            Nah, that’s the Western movie star who made ‘Ride Clear Of Diablo’.

            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2AO5nte2sRs

          • Pagliacci is Kvlt

            Yeah, that had that actor with the goofy wide-spaced eyes. Marty Feldman.

          • You mean Marty Friedman?

            GL

          • KJM

            You’re thinking of ‘The Lost Boys’.

            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZynRcyXIGKM

          • Pagliacci is Kvlt

            Right, with our very own Jack Bauer.

          • Pagliacci is Kvlt

            Who was also in Flatliners. Talk about six degrees of Francis Bacon.

          • Stockhausen

            Josh Groban?

          • Pagliacci is Kvlt

            No, he does bass and vocals for Dischordia.

          • KJM

            You mean Todd Rundgren’s band?

            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MB8YQfY7A04

          • Pagliacci is Kvlt

            No Rundgren was an obscure ’90s post-grunge/alt-metal band. They later became more famous when they changed their name to Cold.

          • Stockhausen

            Oh my bad, I was thinking of Josh Turner.

          • KJM

            The 3rd singer for Rainbow?

          • Tyree

            Who dat!?

          • Pagliacci is Kvlt

            Wasn’t he in BTO with Michele Bachmann?

          • KJM

            What do The Mamas & Papas have to do with this?

          • Pagliacci is Kvlt

            Well, for one thing I love their song “Going to California.”

          • KJM

            Yes! Love The Beach Boys!

          • Pagliacci is Kvlt

            No! You’re thinking of Shaun Cassidy.

          • KJM

            Partridge Family! C’mon get happy!!!

          • Pagliacci is Kvlt

            No that was Danny Bonadouchy. He made a successful comeback as Horshack in The Watchmen.

          • KJM

            “I have seen this city’s true face, Mr Kotterrr. It’s not very nice, is it?”

          • no, you’re thinking of Jon Chang

          • W.

            No, he’s the famous martial artist.

          • Pagliacci is Kvlt

            Oh right. He had Jim Marton of Faith No More playing guitar. Good stuff.

  • OMG, love that Jogger reference! (BTW, dude from Jogger is on an amazing podcast called Uhh Yeah Dude!)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l24MRTxgvRE

  • Tyree

    Goddamn I love eating food, drinking beer, and pooping. I’m definitely stopping at Wegmans this weekend and getting the works to make this diarrhea monster.

    • W.

      I bet you’ll love it. I’ve been meaning to add some shredded pork, but I haven’t tried it yet.

      • Tyree

        I have a smoker that I never use. I think some smoked pork would be phenomenal with this.

        • W.

          Oh, most assuredly!

          • Tyree

            Maybe even some habanero peppers to bring the heat! OMG! the possibilities are endless!

          • W.

            I’ll sometimes add jalapenos to this dish too.

          • Tyree

            It’s lunch time here. All this talk has given me the tummy rumbles. Be back with some gas station burritos that I will cry upon and then later blast off to space on a toilet.

          • Howard Dean

            Gas station burritos are like low grade biological weapons.

          • Tyree

            Chemical warfare of the bowels.

          • Howard Dean

            This needs to be a Slayer remix.

          • Tyree

            Slayer gone goregrind! Pitchshifted gurgle vocals and everything.

          • KJM

            Had some Nathan’s Hot Dogs for lunch, the only kind I’ll eat.

          • W.

            Nathan’s dogs are seriously delicious.

          • KJM

            Yes, especially grilled.

          • Grilled hot dogs for the motherfucking win.

          • Howard Dean

            I had dill pickle potato chips and a doughnut for lunch today. I feel like Ricky from Trailer Park Boys.

          • I just started re-watching the series again. For my third time…..

            Dill pickle potato chips are to die for, byah

            GL

          • GO JOEY CHESTNUT!!!

          • I put Sriracha sauce on everything but Mexican food.
            ~CyrollanFacts~

          • J.R.

            So… Toilet get-together at your place?

        • KJM

          If I had a smoker, it would see use at least once a week, been thinking about buying a small one.

    • Stockhausen

      Hahahaha that first sentence.

  • El Monterey burritos take two minutes and all I have to do its press a few buttons on my radiation machine.

    I’m definitely going to make this. But I’m replacing those vile yams with more onions and a load of animal flesh.

    • W.

      But that ruins the sweet and spicy duality!

      • Any substitute recommendations for a yam-hater? I thought the chipotle might keep it sweet and spicy.

        • W.

          Umm, you could try corn!

        • Maybe just potatoes?

          GL

          • W.

            Real potatoes with the right seasoning could still be sweet.

        • Stockhausen

          Maybe try MANOWARING UP.

    • just don’t read the ingredients or nutrition facts

    • I’ve been living off those things since my girlfriend has been in a different city. Mmmmm microwave burritos.

    • NefariousDude

      Animal flesh > most things you can put on other things

  • Death

    Chicken and fish (fish is not a meat, but it’s close) are pretty much the only meat I eat nowadays. I eat pork rarely, only in minced meat sauce.

    • Dafuq you mean “fish is not a meat?”

      • Death

        I believe it’s not considered a meat. It baffles me as well.

        • KJM

          Indeed, I think the fish would disagree with this notion.

          • Kurt Cobain said that fish don’t have any feelings. Jesus ate fish. Jesus and Cobain are one and the same.

          • Solid logic!
            GL

          • Howard Dean

            Fish is delicious. Some of the tastiest murder this side of Angus.

      • W.

        Maybe he’s a pescatarian? There are vegetarians who will eat fish.

        • Yeah, I know one or two. I can see their point of view. I could give up meat in general as long as it doesn’t come out of the water.

        • Death

          Wouldn’t that mean that I don’t eat chicken or pork at all?

          • W.

            You are correct. Clearly I’m mistaken.

        • Pagliacci is Kvlt

          I thought we established he’s Namekian?

    • Howard Dean

      I think this is why people/chefs started calling their ingredients “protein” and “starch” and what have you. It avoids a lot of the semantics of whether or not fish is considered a meat or corn is considered a vegetable.

  • Man, I love onions but chopping them up rapes my sinuses.

    • W.

      I don’t usually cry, but I’ll often sneeze.

      • My sinuses are so messed up I have to make my daughter do it for me.

  • Guacamole Jim

    This is fucking awesome; I’m doing it this weekend. I’m (surprisingly) a good cook. My mom used to make me cook while harping at me that “IT’S GOING TO BE A VALUABLE SKILL ONE DAY YOU LITTLE ASSHOLE” and whipping me with a switch.

    Well, I can cook except for breakfast. Fuck that meal.

    • W.

      Breakfast foods have taken me a while to master. I made omelettes for the first time a few months ago. They didn’t actually turn out too bad.

      • Guacamole Jim

        You should do an omelette tutorial!! Every time I try they turn into a half-assed scrambled egg mess.

        • W.

          Oh man, omelettes are pretty hard, and I’m not a master yet. I think I’d do a tutorial based on my banana/egg crepes first.

          • Guacamole Jim

            Can you make bread?? I’d give someone’s sweaty left nipple to bake bread that actually rises and doesn’t sit in my stomach like a brick.

          • W.

            I make my pizza crust from scratch, and my wife makes pita bread. Does that count?

          • Guacamole Jim

            Yes!!

          • W.

            The pizza crust thing is tricky and took me several tries to get right. You really have to dedicate yourself to setting time aside for the yeast and flour to interact and rise.

    • KJM

      I make great pancakes but that’s about it for Breakfast.

  • KJM

    Curry recipes someday? Yes? No?

    • NO.

      GL

      • KJM

        YES. Thai Curry is the food of The Gods.

        • And doves are steak of the sky!

          GL

          • KJM

            Mmm…flying steak…(drool)

      • Death

        What did you just say?

        • NOCURRYMAIDER NOCURRYMAIDER NOCURRYMAIDER NOCURRYMAIDER!

          GL

          • Death

            YOU ARE NOT MY SON!

    • W.

      I’ve never tried to make a curry. If I ever do, I’ll document it. I enjoy trying out new recipes.

    • JWG

      I just made/ate an excellent curry yesterday. Goes great with a pint of lager.

      …And no, that’s not a Red Dwarf reference (I didn’t say it was *Vindaloo* curry).

      • KJM

        Love that Vindaloo as long as it isn’t hot enough to melt deck plating.

    • Steve Smithwick

      If you allow store-bought sauces, I can make a pretty mean curry. It’s one of my better dishes!

  • I have all sorts of food allergies so I cant eat this delicious sounding meal, BUT I have never heard intronaut before until now, so thank you for that.

    • W.

      Dude, I wish I could experience Intronaut for the first time.

      • I just got all their albums, work will be awesome

        • W.

          They’re one of the bands that has gone progressively from growls to cleans, but I love their most recent.

          • I have a feeling BTBAM is on the verge of doing that. Not that I mind. I love his cleans.

    • WTFF. how is that even possible? (the intronaut part, not the food allergy part)

      • I mean, I could give you an answer, but it wouldn’t be good enough.

        • LOL. i’m going opposite @disqus_kqxyUNPxty:disqus here, i like the early, screamy stuff (Null & Void for the rocket!)

          • W.

            I support the full discography, ex-JJM.

  • I am 100% gonna try this recipe sometime soon. Looks delicious!

  • Your resident pedant chiming in again here with a lesson on chile, chili, and chilly.

    chilly: an expression used to signify cold weather.

    Chile: a country in south america

    chile: a spicy pepper

    chili: a dish made with meat, beans, chile and various spices

    This has been a PSA reagrding the use of chile, chili, and chilly.

    • Howard Dean

      Your doing it wrong! You’re use of those words is incorrect.

      • NUH-UH! YOU’RE WRONG!!!
        BYUH!

        • Howard Dean

          They’re is only room for one of us here. [points] Theirs the door! Let you’re self out, because your wrong.

          • Steve Smithwick

            This passage just made my fucking head explode. Journalism classes have ruined me, and now I’m a fucking linguistic nazi.

      • *their

    • W.

      Thank you for clarifying. I actually didn’t know the difference between chile and chili.

      • Stockhausen

        And you want to be my latex salesman.

    • W.

      I have made the necessary revisions.

      • This puts my mind at ease. Also, good to know that the green chile is popular outside of NM.

        • W.

          I spent a summer doing an internship in Albuquerque, and I developed a taste for them. But my city is close enough to NM for there to be a lot of overlap in the cuisine.

          • Fantastic. The green is also quite popular in CO. Just got back from Denver and had a pretty good experience with a NM restaurant situated in the Highlands. They had a killer chimichanga smoothered in green.

          • W.

            I grew up in CO, but my dad is a whimp when it comes to food, so we never had any of those delicious chiles when I was young. One of the last times I visited I ordered a buffalo braut smothered in elk chili and thought to myself, “This meal is the epitome of Colorado.”

          • But damn does that sound good.

          • W.

            The hype was fulfilled.

          • When you refer to green in CO, I just think of weed.

          • KJM

            Yup.

          • In that case, many a Colorado greens were also consumed, in a completely legal fashion.

          • Cockypock Aioli

            The green chile is super popular over here in SoCal (to be expected), but we tend to go to the Poblano rather than the, if I’m not mistaken, Anaheim chile (the long, lighter green one) you dudes love.

    • The Battle Born NDN

      Chilly chili with Chile chiles

  • Stockhausen

    There’s this super hot chick that lives in my house (my wife) that would be super impressed if I made this. I bet she’d even wear my varsity jacket.

    • take her to make-out point later. you’re a shoe-in!

    • W.

      let me know how it goes!

      • Edward Meehan

        I’m super late to this, cause of that real grown up life, but this is a fantastic article.

        (I do have the ability to feed myself though lol)

        • W.

          Thanks, man. It was fun to try something new.

      • more beer

        You realize you can`t get green chiles everywhere. I don`t think Janitor Jim can get them in N.Y. I never even knew they existed until I moved to N.M. from N.Y. Lucky that I still live in a state that I can get fresh ones in.

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan

      I’m sure that if I made this for one of my lady friends they would love it.

  • I’m a fan of broiling fish. Catch a trout on the river and filet and broil that bitch under a blanket of crushed saltines and olive oil…simple and satisfying.

    • Howard Dean

      My fuck that sounds good. I could eat fish every day. I’d love to broil me a slab of halibut right now.

      • mmmm i wish i could catch a halibut in the river…we’ve only got trout and bass, but i can never catch bass.

        • Howard Dean

          Trout is tastier than bass, so that’s a good thing!

          I catch my halibut at the local purveyor of fresh seafood. I’m not much of a fisherman.

          • I love fish so much, i’d eat it for every meal until i died of mercury poisoning. My sushi & fresh fish addiction is a burden.

          • W.

            Best shrimp I’ve ever had was from a street vendor cooking shrimp over a spit in a coastal town in Oman.

          • Howard Dean

            That sounds like some Indiana Jones shit. Awesome!

        • Here is a 22″ Smallie I caught down in TN. Was just over 5lbs. It was a hog! (refresh for image)

          My hair was slamming that day

          GL

          • to quote the great Papa Joe, “i’m dead”.

          • The Battle Born NDN

            If for some reason you’re in the Reno area, do some fishing at Pyramid lake. Trout there can be over 20 pounds. Freakin’ amazing.

            TBBNDN

      • W.

        My brother lives in Alaska and gave me a ton of fresh salmon as a wedding gift last year. So good.

        • Howard Dean

          That’s quite possibly the greatest wedding present one can give or receive. Salmon is delicious.

          • W.

            Absolutely. I need to step up my fish recipes. I usually just cook them in a cast iron with plenty of lemon, salt, and maple seasoning. Pair with asparagus.

  • The Battle Born NDN

    Dude. Such an awesome idea for a post. I’m fixin’ to learn how to make a family variant of Adobo. Might have my grandmother teach me her pie recipe.

    Food is metal, food is life.

    Also if you can’t even cook some eggs you fail at life.

    • KJM

      Love that Adobo.

    • W.

      I just googled Adobo. Sounds delicious.

      • The Battle Born NDN

        You must try it sometime!

        • W.

          I will. I feel I’m falling into a bit of a food rut, so I might try to make some soon.

          • The Battle Born NDN

            Future post? heheh

          • W.

            I’d have to make sure it wasn’t a disaster first. I’ve definitely screwed up some recipes on my first try.

          • The Battle Born NDN

            Of course! I do that as well. It’s all trial and error bruhh.

          • Steve Smithwick

            It’s really great. I dated a Filipino in college (and her mom used to cook a bunch of food to give us at the dorms), Adobo is fantastic.

            See also: Pancit, Lumpia, sinigang, halo-halo.
            Some of it is difficult, some is super easy to make, all of it is super delicious!

    • KJM

      Ah, I was thinking of the Goya seasoning.

      • The Battle Born NDN

        That sounds delicious too. I’ll look around for that

        • KJM

          It is. It could make cardboard taste good.

    • Steve Smithwick

      Oh shit, nice! Are you filipino? (I ask because I dated a Filipino-mix in college, her mom had all kinds of baller recipes from the Philippines, I have tons of love for adobo, pancit, lumpia and longganissa.

      • The Battle Born NDN

        *sorry for responding so late*

        Nope, Native American. A distant relative of mine was, but we still pass along his recipe. We have a lumpia recipe too. Haven’t tried pancit or longganissa though, but I’d be down to.

  • This post reminds me of my ongoing quest to make the best damned posole(pork, hominy, and diced onions in a red chile broth) I can.

  • Tyree
  • Death

    Oh my! FFB thinks that Dave Kilminster is Lemmy’s son. I really hope that it’s a bad joke.

    • KJM

      You know they’ll try to play it off as trolling the readers.

    • The time that axl made that heinous joke about 9-11 was the last time I ever visited that sinkhole of a blog.

  • Xan

    I can’t cook very well but my, oh my, I can make a mean phone call for pizza.

    • I have my info saved on my phone for Dominoes. In 30 seconds I can log in, order two large cheese/pepperoni pizzas, pay, and request a high five upon delivery.

      • Xan

        I was inspired by a video I saw and every time I order pizza from Dominos or Pizza Hut, I request that they draw a wizard casting a spell on the box. They haven’t done it yet.

  • JWG

    RE: Point 11: if you do “handle [yourself] in the kitchen” please wash your hands before making and/or serving the dish.

    • W.

      Don’t spoil the secret ingredient.

  • That creole seasoning is transcendental, next-level stuff

    • W.

      I put Tony’s on almost anything.

  • All this fancy food talk, and i just made three corndogs for lunch.

  • crazytaco_12

    Thanks for posting W, my girlfriend’s vegetarian and the only thing I can ever really make for her from scratch are potato burritos (that she’s probably sick of by now)! Now I can surprise her with this new recipe and maybe she’ll pull my spud if I’m lucky!

  • PrincePoopyPanties
  • Count_Breznak

    The whole Fahrenheit nonsense always catches me off guard.

    • W.

      Haha, sorry about that.

  • SheWölf

    Question; do they have to be “fluffy” tortillas?? Sounds pretty fancy…

    • W.

      I think you could use any kind you like, but corn tortillas would probably change the flavor a bit.

  • Call the Slambulance

    This sounds scrumptious! Also, this is a seriously rad idea for a column. Love it, DubzBro!