Wednesday Open Swim + Some News & Shit

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A few things happened yesterday that we didn’t quite get to.

— First, Nightbringer dropped another new single from their upcoming album, Ego Dominus Tus. A few weeks back, I was talking about how much “Et Nox Illuminatio Mea In Deliciis Meis” (fuck typing that) ruled, and now you can stream the almost-as-good “I Am The Gateway” at Invisible Oranges. Vocalist ar-Ra’d al-Iblis a.k.a. Carl says:

“The lyrics deal with the revelation of the higher self in the vision and communion with the absolute other. The diabolic and daimonic brother who is met at the edge of borders into the Unknown. It speaks of the pact between self and non-self, manifest and transcendental, spoken and the unthinkable. Met in the circle of pacts, these two principles coming together in the daring of facing each other reveals the mystical peaks of the magical arts.”

Listen to the song and some of that might make some sense. But probably not because it’s gibberish.

— Next, death metal legends Obituary finally dropped the first single from their upcoming album, Inked In Blood. Most of you have probably already heard it, but here it is for all of you slowpokes. I’m looking out for you. The critical reception of “Visions in My Head” seems to be all over the place, but I’m of the opinion that this song is not a song from Slowly We Rot  OR Cause of Death,  so I’m not all that impressed. Are you?

— Last but not least, this is an open swim. So talk about anything you want. What’s going on with you toileteers? I had a dream last night that I was dragging a dead body out of the local mall and a cop in the parking lot saw me. What does that mean? Probably too much Rancharito’s too late at night.

I like you guys.

  • Howard Dean

    Stopped in at a record store near me the other day on a whim. I don’t stop there too often anymore, because I’ve pretty much picked them over, and they don’t carry a lot of what I’m interested in. In the waves of random bullshit, out pops a gem. Axis of Advance’s excellent album, OBEY. Pure kvlt war metal brutality. I couldn’t believe my luck. A find like that’ll keep me going back to that store every so often.

    What unexpected gems have you all stumbled across recently?

    • W.

      Unfortunately I haven’t picked anything up in a minute, but I’m seriously considering pre-ordering the PxDx Kelly Green vinyl of “Mass and Volume”

      • Howard Dean

        Pig Destroyer is a funny band for me. I can honestly take them or leave them. Sometimes Prowler in the Yard sounds like Satan’s gift to grind, other times they can’t make even the tiniest impact in my grey matter.

        • W.

          I really like their more doom-oriented stuff, although Prowler is a stone-cold classic. I liked Book Burner, but its sound was annoyingly thin.

          • Howard Dean

            I do like that they can be so versatile, and can show their doom side so completely and totally by delving straight into the dirge, but honestly, they are just a band I don’t reach for that often. I felt the same about Book Burner as I did about Phantom Limb. Kinda meh.

          • W.

            I’m catchin’ what you’re pitchin’.

          • Room for one more…?

          • W.

            Ummm, yes?

          • W.

            Hey HD, I’m jamming the new Autumn’s Dawn release. It’s DSBM.

        • Tyree

          Pig Destroyer is one of my least favorite grind bands. Prowler is the only album I’ll listen to and it still doesn’t do much for me.

          • Christian Molenaar

            Tyree Grindhart: Grindcore Poser

          • Tyree

            That’s right!

      • crazytaco_12

        I’d honestly just buy the download dude. “Red Tar” is a good song, I thought the song “Mass and Volume” was just completely useless.

      • Virgil the Ghost Poet

        I’m looking forward to Inter Arma Godflesh, and the Melvins.

    • A couple of days ago I picked up an American Sharks record and my favorite Whiskeytown album on vinyl.

    • Metaphysical Anus

      I found this nice thing in my local record store the other day. Really liking it.
      https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=m6PKFPfxSVA

    • Tyree

      I have not picked this album up yet but I am very very soon. Just got into this yesterday and can’t stop praising it.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QryKtaERXDI

    • Stockhausen

      I saw the last Altar of Plagues album on vinyl at a store that I would not have guessed would carry it. I’m kicking myself for not getting it.

    • Xan

      I mentioned this on another post but fuck it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ptBiRQrJo50

      • Tyree

        Yes dude! Desecrator rule!

        • W.

          Hey Tyree, I’m jamming the new Force of Darkness album. It seriosuly sounds like Slayer playing black metal, complete with a Tom Araya Angel of Death scream.

          • Tyree

            Good choice, I have that in my Bandcamp wishlist still. I still have to listen to all of it.

          • W.

            Also check out the new Blood of Kingu release.

          • Tyree

            Will do Dubya.

        • W.
          • Xan

            That satisfies me in all the right places.

          • W.

            I dig it too!

    • crazytaco_12

      Found Iron Angel’s “Winds of War” today, pretty stoked about that, though I have no clue if it’s a good album of theirs

    • Virgil the Ghost Poet

      If you like 90’s style industrial the new Cocksure is pretty fun. It has Chris Conelly from Ministry/ Revco/ Pigface ect. and Jason Novick from Czar (great band) and Acume Nation.

    • Scrimm

      I found an original pressing of The Rack by Asphyx a couple weeks ago.

      • Randall Thor

        There are no words to describe the feelings of jealousy and contempt I hold towards you

        • Scrimm

          I am very lucky to have an awesome local record store chain.

    • mustangbomb

      I was digging through a free music bin outside my school’s radio room (just stuff they’d discarded, I guess), and I found a disc by a band called Mals Totem. It fucking slays, it’s like Mars Volta and Coheed had a baby that actually has some balls on it, plus clever songwriting. I think they’re a bunch of Berklee dudes, which makes sense. I don’t know if it’s metal, exactly, but it presses all my buttons in one way or another.

      I found some other stuff in the box too, but it was mostly shit.

      http://youtu.be/rpBMCLeVB7I

  • Metaphysical Anus

    I had a dream in which I was the leader of a teletubby army. No joke.

  • W.

    Last night I had the second part of a strange dream I had some time ago. In part 1, I was a hired hand going into a mine, and somewhere deep in the mind my friends and I discovered a demon or something (maybe a Balrog?). We somehow escaped, I guess, because in part 2, I was returning to the mine to try and destroy the evil, despite some severe emotional trauma from the first encounter.

    • I have this recurring dream where I’m driving/road-tripping away from a giant (and I mean GIANT) metal monster that’s making its way across the U.S. and anyone within 1 mile of its vicinity immediately melts to death. It sounds rad right now, but it’s actually really, really fucking horrifying.

      • W.

        I believe it. Have you ever had a fever dream? Some of my most terrifying dreams were fever-induced hallucinations.

        • Yeah quite often, actually.

          • W.

            This one night I was really sick and had two hallucinations in a row. In the first, I was on the show Scrubs, and JD, Turk, and I were trying to fold up corpses into these heart-shaped bone masses so that they could be shipped to heaven for judgment. It sounds funny, but it was really stressful because Dr. Cox was yelling at me the whole time. I recall lying in bed and frantically wiggling my hands trying to keep up.

            During the second hallucination, I thought the whole world was made of paper and that when my alarm went off, a fireball would strike the earth and burn us all up. I spent that hallucination staring at the clock in a panic.

          • Homo sapiens metallum

            I experienced hallucinations caused by cheap vodka, energy drinks and staying awake for some days during a class trip. As I sat into the train back home, I fell asleep for a few seconds. I imagined hearing a noise and then I woke up and was surrounded by silvery sparks glittering before my eyes. Being awake and having these experiences was utterly distracting, but few of my friends had similar symtoms. I beleive it was caused by the vodka which had the smell of paint thinner. And I hope never having to endure hallucinations again, it was awful.

          • W.

            Oof, that is rough. The only other time I remember having hallucinations was also from being sick, and my parents could hear me arguing with myself.

          • Howard Dean

            I don’t have many, but one of the ironclad credos I live by: Never consume anything that smells like paint thinner.

          • Homo sapiens metallum

            Wise words. Paint thinner, not even once.

          • Stockhausen

            Dude, that’s some heavy stuff. Any sickness/sleep-deprived hallucinations I’ve had are way shorter and less elaborate. Although one was while I was driving on a four lane highway, around hour 19 of a trip with my wife. I saw four cars get in a perfect diagonal across the lanes, and the guys inside were all wearing nice business suits. They rolled down their windows, reached up over the roof of the car, and sprayed cologne into the air in unison. I thought that was hilarious and started laughing, which freaked my wife out.

        • if i take benadryl, hello vivid dreams! and that’s coming from a guy who enjoys nightmares. it’s the strange, vivid ones that scare me.

        • Scrimm
          • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

            A part of my soul cries everytime i see the name DIO.

          • Scrimm

            Me too. Dickinson talked about it the last time I saw Maiden and that was the loudest the crowd got the whole show. It was awesome and heartbreaking at the same time.

          • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

            As far as professional singers from the old school there is really only RJD, Dickinson & Halford. I put DIO at number one because of seniority, Dickinson is now the best living metal singer from the old school, halford i put third, he strains a lot , but it is not that as much as the epic sellout of 2wo. I remember driving home from college in 94 and the local pop rock station said this is a new track from a band called 2 with rob halford. This channel never played priest EVER so the song started and i nearly drove off the road because it was industrial. For me, you just don’t come back from that. I don’t care about the gay thing if someone tries to get me on that. He has redeemed himself but will never wear nor deserve to have the title of metal god again. Danzig 5 was another industrial abomination that just came to mind which i paid a whopping $28.00 for when it was first released.

          • Virgil the Ghost Poet

            Hey buddy, I love industrial music. I really like 2wo, now Danzig 5 had its flaws and is probably my least favorite Danzig album but it still had some good songs. Then Danzig 6 came out and people ignored it.

          • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

            We agree to disagree all the time in the toilet. But i think that danzig 5 hurt danzig really bad and he never recovered. Of course rob did.

          • Howard Dean

            Agreed. I don’t think I ever quite recovered from listening to Danzig sing the word “Blackaciddevil” through what sounded like a megaphone over a ridiculously cheesy throwaway NIN drum track.

          • Scrimm

            Yeah I was disgusted the first time I heard that two shit. that was also the last time I heard it. Dickinson still sounds great, what he struggles for in range he makes up with the character of his voice.

      • I had a period of about a month while I was insanely stressed and sleep deprived in college where I had the most intense nightmares almost every night. That shit fucked with my head. Never again.

        • Metaphysical Anus

          When I was a child I was afraid of going to sleep. I saw nightmares almost every night.

          • Tyree

            Are we the Dream Warriors?

          • NDNOvHell

            where’s GL when we need him??

          • I am quite sore that I missed this whole thread…. But I am sure glad I found it!

            GL

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Maybe? I still see a lot of nightmares, but not as many as I used to. Therapy helped me.

          • Tyree

            This guy knows what I’m talking about, High five Joe! ^^^

          • Tyree

            Dose GL hate Dokken or something. I missed whatever you are referring too.

          • crazytaco_12

            Yeah dude, those guys have a history of not getting along

          • Tyree

            Gottcha.

          • Xan

            Let’s take down Haxl Posenburg in our dreams. Only then will the nightmares truly end. I call being the pimpin’ black dude.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I got dibs on being the stoner dude!

          • the dream police.

          • Tyree

            The dream police, they’re coming to arrest me, oh no!

          • has anyone found a band worse than Cheap Trick?

          • W.

            *better. FTFY

          • oh W, you think you’re annoying me but you’re just positively charming!!

          • W.
          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I love cheap trick. They’re very underrated.

          • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

            man, how can a guy with a guitar of himself not be cool ? It’s impossible !

          • Tyree

            This is a valid point.

          • Scrimm

            Maybe so. I got an autograph from the chick from nightmare on elm street and she said I am the last of the elm street children.

        • Xan

          I have had nightmares every single night for about three years now. It is not fun.

          • Tyree

            I feel you man. Same here, It is no fun.

          • W.

            Mine aren’t that constant, but my dreams usually aren’t pleasant. I feel for you guys.

          • Tyree

            It’s stressful to sleep. Sleeping tires me out.

          • W.

            IS that why you go out dancing every night, bro?

          • Tyree

            You are putting the pieces together I see. Smart man you are 😉

          • Too much daily intake of static will do that to you.

          • Tyree

            Static?

          • W.

            He means bands that don’t sound like they were recorded in a vacuum.

          • Was referring to some of the music you post lol

          • Tyree

            Oh, Lolz. Smart ass.

          • <3

      • Xan

        I have had a recurring dream where I am sitting in a large room with gray walls and a white floor and I’m in those old timey black and white prison outfits. In my hand I hold a controller with four buttons on it. There is a square wall surrounding me and about half the room looks kind of like a storage facility (those little rooms you rent to throw shit). One door is open and I can hear horrifying noises emitting from it. When I press a button the door closes but another one opens. After repeating this multiple times, in a fit of madness I run into the darkness and get eaten by a monster which I can only describe as looking like this without antlers:

        • W.

          Like a man-eating deer?

          • Xan

            The Deer ov Satan

        • Scrimm

          That looks like one way that I’ve heard the Wendigo described. That thing scares the fuck out of me.

      • crazytaco_12

        The ultimate Judas Priest dream

      • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

        look anything like this ? there is another metal animal in promo clips for floyd’s wish you were here album but i couldn’t find any right now.

    • Metaphysical Anus

      I had a dream this Monday night in which I was walking on a street in my hometown. Then out of the blue sky a fucking large bomb dropped. I woke up and I thought that a real bomb had exploded near me.

      • CÖÄL RÖLL FRÖM THE TÖILET BÖWL

        so it was just your wife farting in bed then?

        • Metaphysical Anus

          I don’t have a wife.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Thanks for your sarcasm. That really makes me feel better for myself.

          • I was actually going to post it to Coal Roll’s comment, but the story continued to unfold, so I found it more appropriate to add to yours.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Just so you know, I’m not like this in real life.

          • what are you like in real life?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Quiet, kind of socially inept, somewhat angry and kind of cold. When I’m around my dogs, I change to the polar opposites of these.

          • Xan

            I am exactly like that. I have pretty much one friend in real life and if someone doesn’t directly ask me something, I go the whole day without speaking except when I greet my dogs:

          • W.

            That makes me sad. You can talk to me, homey.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            When will you send me steam friend request? I’m still waiting!

          • W.

            I honestly haven’t been on Steam in like a week or two. Hopefully this weekend. What’s your handle again?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Anal Fissures For Everyone. A nice name.

          • W.

            Haha. Grody. I’ll try to add you soon if I remember.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            What’s your name so I can tell that it’s you sending the request?

          • W.

            KingPravus

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Request me! I’m friends with good old Mr. Anus there and my Steam name is Levinesteven.

          • whoa. whoa. request coming tonight!

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I’ll accept it after work.

          • look for “cyrollan”

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I will, Jimmy boy!

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Request me on Steam! My steam name is Levinesteven.

          • this will happen. look for a name that starts with “cy”.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Those are some cute doggies! These are my dogs. My pictures are pretty crappy.

          • crazytaco_12

            OH MY FUCKING GOD YOUR DOG’S ARE CUTE! I LOVE CORGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII’S!

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Thank you Mr crazytaco_12.

          • they’re cray adorbs! if you ever take better pics, plz share them with us.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I’m going to try today after work (yes, it’s already friday here).

          • Lord Ov Kapsko

            That’s mein doge:

          • Metaphysical Anus

            My older dog really likes dogs that have smushed faces.

          • Lord Ov Kapsko

            It’s called rapeface. He does this face everytime he want’s something from me like a treat, toy etc.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            My dogs start staring me with a weird face when they want something as well.

          • Randall Thor

            CORGI!

          • CÖÄL RÖLL FRÖM THE TÖILET BÖWL

            husband? boyfriend? girlfriend? dog? or maybe it was just you who farted?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            No one farted. My love life is empty. I have two dogs as pets, so they’re pretty much my only friends outside of work.

          • i would be your friend in a heartbeat… if you didn’t live so GD far away!!! what even IS Finland?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Have you been on tumblr?

          • JWG

            All I know about Finland is that they have Pony Trekking and Camping.

          • W.

            I’ll be your Huckleberry.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I’m sorry, I don’t date rebublicans.

          • you don’t even know what that is! finland doesn’t have politics

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Yes we do! We even have more than two big parties. Too bad the party I support is too small.

      • Lord Ov Kapsko

        That god damn Putler…

    • in many of my dreams i’m fighting zombies in a walking-dead-like wasteland. it rules!!!

      • Dang. My shit is weak. I just lose my teeth or see my mirror image screaming at me.

        • Metaphysical Anus

          Can that even count as a nightmare?

        • Xan

          Be glad you don’t have dreams about a man coming into your home and holding a gun to your families head and killing them one by one. This was one of the most traumatic dreams I ever had. I was only, like, 10 when I had it too.

          • Virgil the Ghost Poet

            That sounds truly horrifying.

        • Joe that’s a thing, losing teeth in dreams. for some cray reason all dream sites are blocked on my work computer :-

          • Xan

            Could it be that the dream people don’t want you viewing the websites because you would find out that the entirety of your reality is a dream?

          • It probably has something to do with a deep internal fear of living in Florida.

          • W.

            But without Florida, we wouldn’t have Florida Man.

          • or Flo Rida…….. get low!

        • Dude the day AFTER those dreams are the greatest because you’re just so pumped to have teeth!

          • Scrimm

            Fuck yeah waking up from the teeth dreams are some of the best moments of my life.

      • W.

        That sounds a lot more fun than some of the stuff I have to deal with.

      • Is someone mowing the lawn and cleaning the suv in your dreams?

    • Mother Shabubu III

      I had one the other day where near this river and pond in some forest I came into contact with two sasquatch. They were eating a fish and looked so vivid when I woke up I was kind of afraid.

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      I had a dream where I saved the world from these shape shifting computers once. It was odd.

    • Occams_Razor_Ramon

      I had a dream that I was doing bench press but I vomited in my mouth while doing it, and instead of racking and spitting it out I finished my set and choked to death on my own puke. It was weird, chico.

    • ChuggaChuggaDeedleyDoo

      I once had a dream that i was a was a werewolf, and I woke up naked in the wolf cage at the nearest zoo with a half eaten deer in the vicinity. Weird, amirite?

  • Mother Shabubu III

    Why does no one acknowledge this awesome band? Nothing else sounds like them out there. Even if they did dress in goofy costumes at one point, and had a nu metal phase, how can you not love this? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uUCliapJV0g

    • This is the first time I’ve listened to them. I guess I generally associated this band with weeaboos. This song is kinda all over the place though*

      *my opinion is mostly worthless.

      • My mom always said that the only opinion of yours that is worthless is the opinion that your opinions are worthless.
        EDIT: She never said that or talked to me.

        • Metaphysical Anus

          My mom wasn’t there when I was born. She was shopping.

      • W.

        I’ve never listened to them because my only frame of reference was a girl I knew who loved My Chemical Romance told me about them.

        • Sounds like the correct choice on your part.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Did you just delete the “what a surprise” comment? I was going to respond to it.

        • Mother Shabubu III

          To be fair, they had a period where I could see a MCR fan also enjoying Dir en grey. Like I said, they had a nu metal phase.

      • Mother Shabubu III

        Yeah the weeaboos tarnish a lot of cool things. Luckily I don’t know any, so I can enjoy this band. This song is almost Opethian in its construction.

        They have this one near doom metal song where the singer, Kyo, has one of the best mental breakdowns recorded in metal. It starts building up here. Seriously, this dude is like the Japanese Mike Patton, with all due respect to both.

        http://youtu.be/-J6YI5ysDU8?t=5m3s

        • crazytaco_12

          Nice dude, that sounds a little like Ephel Duath to me, fucking berderss

      • Stockhausen

        I agree, and am in the same position. Does nothing for me.

    • Guacamole Jim

      I dug the Uroboros album a lot, but they’re very hit and miss. When they’re on they’re awesome though.

    • crazytaco_12

      I’ve dug a few songs by this band but haven’t really checked them out any further than the vids they had on Headbangers Ball

      • Mother Shabubu III

        You probably heard “Saku” then. That was the video they had on there. It’s how I discovered them.

  • Randall Thor

    I’ve noticed my elitist friends hate the new Obituary, and my friends who don’t hate themselves love it

    • Can’t I hate the new Obituary and love myself and hate myself?

      • Randall Thor

        If it makes you feel better, I hate myself too

        • Metaphysical Anus

          I hate everyone, including myself.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Thank you, Jimmy.

          • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

            i think it should read gnentle.

          • The Satan Ov Nuclear Hell

            I’m afriad of the way that I live my life, and the way I don’t.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7xuhA3cj78

          • Call the Slambulance

            AJJ is fucking awesome!

          • The Satan Ov Nvklear Hell

            I love AJJ a whole lot, so glad I got introduced to them, and they’re coming to the jolly old UK in november, and I for one am not missing that show for anything.

          • Call the Slambulance

            Hell yeah! That’s great, man! I’m lucky. I live in the same city as them, so they play here fairly often. I’m yet to see them, though.

          • The Satan Ov Nvklear Hell

            Be sure to wear a salad glove if you ever see Sean.

          • Virgil the Ghost Poet

            Well I love you man! I feel a bromance starting.

          • Get in line. he’s mine.

          • Virgil the Ghost Poet

            These are for you

    • RustyShackleford

      it’s nothing to hate, it’s just…not yep-material you know?

    • Xan

      I love it but I’m notorious for liking every shitty little death metal band that was around in the “old school” era. I have not found one I don’t like. I don’t know whether it is my staunch boner for Obituary that makes me like the new song. I guess time will tell.

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      I’m going to give it a listen in a little while. I just got home and Sarah left a note saying she was picking up some Natty Ice and some whiskey. I will be back once I am done unpacking.

  • BoogerFlicker

    I like the new Obituary song and I’m excited for anything new being on record. Cause of Death and Slowly We Rot are great albums but I also like The End Complete and, to a much lesser extent, World Demise. Hopefully, as a whole, this new album will do more for me than Frozen In Time and Xecutioner’s Return, although those albums were far from bad in my ears.

    • crazytaco_12

      You know what dude, I don’t care. I really don’t care. I do what I want.

      • BoogerFlicker

        No, I know what you mean. I can’t really discount any of Obituary’s albums because they’re all Obituary, through and through. For a lot of the OSDM bands, a lot of their albums have been hit and miss such as stuff from Cannibal Corpse, Deicide and even Morbid Angel. I can’t say the same for Obituary because their sound always hits the spot. Sure, there are albums in their catalog that I prefer over others but I mostly dig it all. Being that it’s been a few years, though, perhaps this new release will see them with a shot of new life and vigor.

    • crazytaco_12

      Dude, I loved Xecutioner’s Return and Frozen in Time’s good too. With Obituary, you know what you’re going to get, which can make their discography as a whole feel tedious, but no doubt I could jam about to just about any of their shit live.

    • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

      OBITUARY ARE UNTOUCHABLE. THEY FALL UNDER MY ANY OSDM IS GOOD EVEN IF IT ISN’T CATEGORY. In this case it’s going to smoke the new CC & the obituary album cover is the best of the year in my opinion. Also the last sinister was great too, but got zero press.

  • RustyShackleford

    i dont HATE the new obituary song, but i really feel that modern production has taken away some of the edge that some of their old stuff has. doesn’t feel as dirty you know?

    • Xan

      It is missing that dank nasty stench that the first few albums had.

    • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

      i must unleash the force again. Of course the mighty Sir Alec Guiness could have read the phonebook and make it sound epic and keep an audience on the edge of their seat.

  • Stockhausen

    I once engraved the story of my life into the flesh of a blind man from Singapore. He opened his eyes and saw all the horrible, gnawing reality of the universe, in the thousands of awful colors that bleed from one heinous frame to the next. He then spoke the words that would be the lives of many, and the dull, aching death of a lucky few. Those words followed me, haunted me, hated me. They held me down and pecked the stale sight from my weary eyes, so that the trivial matters of vision would not impede the colossal weight of their being, for there are many more worlds that yet belong to their magnitude. That blind man, no longer blind, no longer a man, became what my mind should have been from the beginning, and I wept as he all at once whispered, shouted, rasped, growled, sang, and shrieked the words into the ears of the universe, my universe: lolbuttz

    • W.

      I stared too long into the lolbuttz, and the lolbuttz stared back into me.

      • Metaphysical Anus

        Beware that, when fighting lolbuttz, you yourself do not become a lolbuttz.

        • Guacamole Jim

          You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become lolbuttz.

          • Cock of Steele

            Change, is the lolbuttz of life.

          • Howard Dean

            It was a pleasure to lolbuttz.

        • the original quote is featured at the beginning of my favorite movie of all… would you know what it is?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I don’t, but I know from whom the quote is from.

          • it’s called Ravenous, and i recommend it to all you flushers!

          • Metaphysical Anus

            It’s a horror film, so fuck that!

          • yeah but it doesn’t have many scares. there’s lots of dark humor in it, it’s more of a black dramedy.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Even the slightest amount of horror will ruin me for at least a week.

          • nobody wants you ruined, bby

          • Xan

            I just bought it. It better be good, McNulty.

          • like right now? ya it’s good, i like it even more than Pacific Rim! let me know what you think.

          • Xan

            I bought it on Tuesday when I was doing some research on cannibalism (don’t ask why). I plan on watching it this Friday night.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Did you have a good dinner?

          • Xan

            “I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.”

          • wow, amazebro coincidence! it’s a fuckin’ MASTERPIECE!!!

          • W.

            I was so sad you didn’t tag me in that Pacific Rim post. I was the one who did the Kaiju post on here 🙁

          • these things can be remedied. i just have to decide who to un-tag…

          • W.

            You’re a good man, McNulty. Don’t let anyone bring you down.

          • Jöhnny Crünch™

            Sometimes it pays to look down

          • it would be funny is that was the tagline to Cliffhanger

          • Tyree

            I’ve seen it. I laughed my ass.

          • Jöhnny Crünch™

            Better than Pacific Rim even?

          • W.

            I don’t. Enlighten me, sensei.

          • Ravenous. see it ASAP, W!

      • Two roads diverged in a wood, and I —
        I took the one with the most lolbuttz,
        And that has made all the difference.

        • W.

          “My name is Lolbuttz, king of kings:
          Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!”

        • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

          That fuckin’ jaws poster never fails to inspire fear no matter how many thousand times i have seen it. I would say it’s one of the 10 best posters of all time without a doubt.

          • Scrimm

            There’s a post for you. top 10 movie posters.

      • Cock of Steele

        You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself becoming the lolbuttz.

        • Stockhausen

          Uh oh, someone’s double dipping!
          (See Guacamole Jim’s comment)

          • Cock of Steele

            I literally just saw that right as I finished typing, after yelling “SHIT FLUSH AND DIE!” I’m going in for an editing. And I was so proud of that comment too 🙁

          • Stockhausen

            Haha. You are forgiven.

    • Holy shit. I think you just won the internet.

    • Occams_Razor_Ramon

      The woods are lolbuttzy, dark and deep
      But I have promises to keep
      And many lolbuttz to go before I sleep
      And many lolbuttz to go before I sleep

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      They say the eyes are a window to lolbuttz. They also say lolbuttz can be as loud as the loudest scream.

  • Ann Cvlter’s Flaccid Penis

    Ann Culter here, I got flagged as spam for that picture of M. Night Shyamalan, now it won’t let me post on here.

    • fixed

      • Thanks! That was weird.

        • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

          i think the sight of his face is so horrifying joe removed it for our own well being, because when a person sees him they are reminded of all the money they have spent at the theatre going to his atrocities not to mention the money spent at the concession stand.

          • Scrimm

            HAHAHA I hate that fucker’s movies. last one I suffered through was the crappening.

          • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

            He is one of those directors’s that hollywood just keep giving the bigs bucks to despite failure after failure. Like kevin costner , he knocked it out of the park with field of dreams and dances with wolves and then went overbudget like 50 million on the disastrous waterworld, then he got another chance and made the atrocious the postman. That pretty much finished him off, although he does turn in a decent performance here and there.
            I am kind of annoyed with woody allen too, sure he made some great shit in the 70’s, a few good comedies, but not my bag. I remember when annie hall beat star wars for best picture. There was a lot of grumbling from the public. Of course every movie allen puts out since is considered a masterpiece even when they are dreck. Horror directors are lumped in with porn directors as having no talent, it’s unfair. The only horror movie that got lots of nominations was the exorcist. And that was a hardcore film. Things will never change. I kind of like horror movies ( the good ones) staying underground just like i prefer my metal to be underground.

          • Scrimm

            Yeah part of me is pissed they get no credit and part of me says fuck em anyways. There’s a few I wish would get their due though.

    • Metaphysical Anus

      Dammit, I was going to respond to it!

    • W.

      What a twist!

  • Xan

    My dream last night involved a monolith (looking much like the ones from 2001: A Space Odyssey) landed in a field nearby my house. My dad touched it and over the course of the next few days it changed him into a psychopathic maniac who eventually tried to kill me and my family. The end of the dream involved Morgan Freeman’s voice (I shit thee not) narrating that these monoliths had fallen all over the world and caused the entire population to turn into these enraged psychopaths. It’s like 2001: A Space Odyssey + The Shining + 28 Days Later. I need to lay off the fucking Kubrik films. On a positive note, I now have inspiration for another short story.

    • W.

      I’m seeing a common thread of metalheads having jacked up dreams.

      • I was just thinking this.

        • W.

          New post idea? I’ve long suffered from bad dreams, even as an adult. Lots of insomnia too.

          • Tyree

            I never have pleasant or normal dreams. Mine are always fucked up and terrifying. It sort of sucks, but in a way it’s pretty metal.

          • Xan

            A lot of mine involve killing, dying, or mutilating. I’ve been having abyssal dreams lately. Much of my environment is cloudy or very similar to my own but some key thing will have changed. For instance, the route I normally travel everyday to get to my college takes me down a country road with a bunch of white houses. In a dream I had a few nights ago, that same route was missing the ground on either side of the road that dropped into some dark abyss that was positively Lovecraftian.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I often see one dream repeating itself. In the dream I am standing in a void. There’s nothing else but me.

          • NDNOvHell

            There was this one dream I had where I seen some guy who was staring at me as I was walking down some random street. There wasn’t really anything discernible about him at first, but I kept walking and kept seeing him. Then I felt something about the guy was seriously wrong. He followed me into a theater, I seen strange glowing symbols and letters on the walls, then I seen his eyes. They were glowing red with a gold ring around them. They sort of looked like snake eyes. He was whispering things to me, although I don’t remember what they were. I woke up at that point around 3 in the morning. It felt way worse than it sounds.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I once or twice had a dream where I was just casually walking around a park. Then I noticed that I was being followed by someone. The man following me was me. After a while he (me) stabbed me in the back. Then I woke up

          • NDNOvHell

            That’s intense. It’s strange that in dreams you have the sense that someone is following you, that’s what makes it horrifying. Even more so if the person is you.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            It’s not nice to be betrayed by yourself.

          • Sight Vnseen

            I had a dream a few years ago that was pretty strange. My apartment was located in a city, and my neighbor was an older black lady. I went over to complain about noises coming from her place. She was really friendly and invited me in for biscuits and gravy. I noticed she was a cyclops, but I didn’t mention it because I thought it would be rude and I didn’t want to make her feel self conscious. Halfway through breakfast, I saw that she had two eyes. She told me she could tell that I was uncomfortable about her only having one eye, so she put in her “prosthetics”. It was so fucking weird I grabbed a notebook as soon as I woke up to draw everything I remembered.

          • W.

            I used to journal my dreams, but I ended up abandoning that because I was going through a pretty hard time and would just get reminded of everything.

          • Sight Vnseen

            I hear that. I was going through some heavy shit at the time.

          • Tyree

            My journal would look horrifying if I did that. Maybe one day I could write a great horror story from one my dreams if I wrote them down.

          • Scrimm

            I had a really weird Lovecraftian dream some time ago that I did manage to turn into a short story

          • Stockhausen

            I have whacked out, otherworldly dreams, but they’re almost never “bad.” I’ll try to write some down.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I have couple of notebooks full of my bad dreams and other weird dreams I’ve written down just after waking up.

          • Scrimm

            I must admit I enjoy most of mine.

      • Sight Vnseen

        I’m recently unemployed, so I haven’t been able to smoke (or listen to the new Yob). In the past two months I’ve had crazy dreams. I don’t know what to make of it. I guess drugs are bad or something.

      • Xan

        My use of nootropics don’t help though I don’t take them on a very regular basis (usually only during periods where I need all of my brain to function as opposed to it’s usual half baked speed).

    • Stockhausen

      Dude, that is magnificent.

    • Christian Molenaar

      Have you read Stephen King’s The Tommyknockers?

      • Xan

        I didn’t read it but I listened to it on audiobook. It didn’t really do anything for me though I enjoyed the quote, “Shot yer wife eh? Good fuckin’ deal!”

    • Scrimm

      Thats a good one you need to do it.

  • Xan

    Another piece of mastery I found on Tuesday: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPHYFaZE4BE

  • Scrimm

    My fucking pc took a dump. Speaking of dreams the meds I am on have been giving me crazy horror movie dreams every night. The night before that new Obituary posted Trevor Perez showed up in one.

    • Xan

      I take nootropics (brain pills; they’re legal) to help me in intense periods of school work. Those give you some fucking strange dreams. I think the most horrifying thing you could dream of however is Kerry Fierie Rosenburg:

      • Scrimm

        Hopefully that never happens. I had one the other night that could have ended up on a slam death album cover. ewwwwwwww.

    • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

      welcome to the club, i take huge doses of clonazepam to get to sleep. I could sell the little fuckers for 15 bucks a piece on the street. If i take them i get nightmares. If i don’t i have night terrors where i am punching and kicking the walls and have jumped out of bed onto the floor injuring myself on many occasions !

      • Scrimm

        Damn sounds like a good time. I need to start writing mine down.

        • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

          of course i never go too sleep til about 7 am, which doesn’t help , for me i get energized about 12 midnite. I am definitely a night person.

          • Scrimm

            Me too though not as much as I used to be.

      • Virgil the Ghost Poet

        That sounds terrible.

  • I would like to point out that beyond creation has a new song streaming over at revolvermag.com.

    • W.

      lolbuttzarchspire

  • crazytaco_12

    So I saw Archspire last night (along with Fallujah, ROS, and the Faceless) and they straight up had a shirt that just said “Stay Tech” on the front, and then “Archspire” on the back. I nearly shit myself laughing. (also, would anybody be interested in a review of the show?…)

    • Yes

      • Archspire

      • crazytaco_12

        I think I’ll have to get writing this week then. Also, I talked about possibly assisting you with a TDT post, could I get your email or do you want me to just show you the bands in the comments?

        • If you want to be all secret-like, just email toiletovhell@gmail.com

          And I only want to see the Archspire show review if you spend half of it making fun of Jack Bauer.

          • CÖÄL RÖLL FRÖM THE TÖILET BÖWL

            “Now get out of my office”

            – Editor in Chief

        • Does disqus have personal messages? I don’t want to just post my email for the whole world to see lol

          • crazytaco_12

            Ok Jack, I’ll just email the toh gmail. Thanks for the help Joe!

  • JWG

    I thought I was done with the “Keep Calm” meme, but then I discovered the following shirt.

    It spoke to me. Although that might just have been the other voices…

    • Sight Vnseen

      Uhg. I fucking HATE the “keep calm” shit. I was/am a screenprinter by trade, so last year I printed millions of those things.

      • JWG

        I can imagine (and yet I can’t truly imagine) how annoying that would get.

        This one’s thematically relevant to an indie horror film I helped fund, though, so it has personal memorabilia value beyond just the meme.

        • Sight Vnseen

          Nice. That I wouldn’t mind printing.

  • KJM

    Your Jam Box is now his by way of our actions.

  • FeelTheDarkness
  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    As this is open swim, I shall tell you my vacation is going very well. I just got back from dinner and I had a great sirloin. I spent my afternoon in the water park inside my hotel where I drank my weight in Mello Yello. I also went on my favorite roller coaster 15 times in a row. I’m enjoying it here and I wish that Sarah could have come up here, but she couldn’t get off work. We talked last night before I went to sleep. She said she missed me and that when I got back we were going to have a good weekend. This is a great week.

    • Virgil the Ghost Poet

      I’m glad your having fun.

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        I wish I was staying longer but I’m going back home today. I will be excited to sleep in my own bed and spend time with Sarah though. She said that when I get back we are going to listen to all the nu metal albums we loved way back when and have a ton of sex. Score one for me. I also have to pick up the new godhead album and the new in flames album. I still wonder when the new limp bizkit album comes out.

  • The Black Dahlia Burger

    Everyone should watch this show https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iLp3YkxsUmc

    • Tyree

      Indeed. I’ve watched season 1-7 and that’s it. Very funny!

  • George Clarke

    i had a dream about a house once

    good dream

  • J.R.

    I had a dream we Flushers formed a band called “Wolves in the (porcelain) throne room” and we were rather good.
    Coincidentally, that is where I find myself right now.
    May your commodes forever roar with the frothy spray of eternal flush. Hail Toilet

  • Scrimm

    Ugh I wish I wasn’t at band practice. Off night to put it lightly.

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    I’m heading back home today. I can’t wait to sleep in my own bed and see sarah. She said that me and her were going to spend tomorrow, Saturday and Sunday having a good time over the phone last night. I am going to preorder the new in flames album when I get home as well. I also have to pick up a copy of Motograter’s only album and 2000 years of human error by godhead.