Want to be the new drummer for Behold… The Arctopus?

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You. YEAH YOU. The dingus playing 7/5 drums at 4 AM. Want to play drums with Colin Marston? Get in here.

Techy weirdos Behold… The Actopus are looking for a new drummer and YOU just might fit the bill. Let’s do a quick test. Does this junk make any sense to you?

What the fuck is this

Yeah, me either. BUT FOR THE REST OF YOU, Colin Marston (of Gorguts, Dysrhythmia, Krallice, a fuck ton of production credits) and his band Behold… The Arctopus is looking for a siqq drummer to lay down some massive biddly biddly bomp beats over weird widdly widdly womp melodies. The band has recently separated from former drummer “Weasel Walter” so this is your chance to shine as the new Badger Barry. Or Marmot Marion. Or something.

You’ll just have to audition by video so it doesn’t really matter where in the world you live. Horrorscension, the band’s last album came out in 2012 so supposedly they have a full album’s worth of material ready to go. They just need YOU.

Here’s the word straight from the band’s Facebook page:

New year, new music, new drummer? We have amicably parted ways with the talented and busy Weasel Walter and now need YOU to be our drummer.

Some things to consider…

We notate our music, including drum parts. But we welcome changes to the written music that maintain the spirit of the composition, and add your own personal touch to the parts.

We usually don’t rehearse a lot. If you live in NYC, we might get together a couple of times a month. If you live in Norway, even less. Realize that most learning will be done on your own and rehearsals are for usually for ironing out weird details and bringing up the tempos. The easier it is for you to learn parts on your own, the better fit you will be.

That’s about it. Here’s an average looking drum part (see above). If it makes sense to you, and you’re interested, tell us who you are and send us a video of your playing. We want to give anyone who’s really interested the chance to learn 2 new songs and convince us that you are the new drummer.

So whatchoo think? Can you hang with these skronky tunes? If so, hit Colin up!

 Big ‘ol thanks to Rory for hitting us up with this info.

Did you dig this? Take a second to support Toilet ov Hell on Patreon!
  • Edward/Breegrodamus

    Tyree? Hessian Hunter?

    • GLOCK JIM BLAOW BLAOW

      • Edward/Breegrodamus

        DON’T STEP TO GLOCK JIM

        TALK SHIT GET SHOT

    • Tyree

      This sounds like a gig for our dip friend.

    • HessianHunter

      Lolnope

  • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

    I’ll do it. I can drum and I live near NYC.

    Edit: I stand corrected. I can not drum at the level they ask for.

    • DDubya.

      You can drum? I didn’t know this about you.

      • Edward/Breegrodamus

        There’s probably a lot you don’t know about the legendary Janitor Jim Dvggvn.

        • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

          Here’s something you probably didn’t know: Did you know my uncle Mike is the bassist for Triumph? That’s where my Canadian heritage comes from

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            Janitor Jim I had no idea.

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            A family friend of mine was also the bassist for Peter Frampton and Frehley’s Comet. His name is John Regan.

          • WHAT? SRS?

            GL

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            Oh, you didn’t know? Your ass better call somebody!

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1CFmuWfwFY

          • I love me some Triumph! Dang

            GL

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            I own the Triumph albums from Just A Game to The Sport Of Kings thanks to him buying them for me on vinyl and CD.

      • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

        I’m a pretty good drummer. I have a very nice drum set in my basement I practice on. I can do a killer drum solo as well as killer deathcore drumming.

    • The polyfacetic mr. Janitor :O

      • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

        I know how to do a lit of things. I’m a drummer, keyboard player, poet, classic rock enthusiast and I’m an exercise nut.

    • tertius_decimus

      I bet Derek Roddy will chime in. He tried to join Dream Theater couple of years ago. Dream Theater with death metal drummer — how hilarious is that?

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXM3DuUftKE

      • Guacamole Jim

        They should have gone with Virgil Donati. Mangini is a monster, but sounds like a drum machine. He was the easiest choice, but had they gone with literally anyone else, they would have evolved as a band and once again made interesting music. Too much to ask for, I guess.

        • tertius_decimus

          Agree with every particular word, sir. In my view, they’ve intentionally decided not to evolve. Nothing new from 2005, so the drummer they were searching for should have been mellow, “comfortable”, so he couldn’t shift the direction they’re heading to (dead end).

  • Tyree

    Pass. I can’t even play my own material and it’s some what straight forward shit. Hope who ever gets the gig likes counting.

    • Edward/Breegrodamus

      Tyree Skronkheart

      • Tyree

        That would be Skronkhart sir.

        • Skronkhart Esquire

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Behold… The Arctothrashnkillopus

          • Behold… The Cybernetic Organism

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Huzzah… The Leonheart

        • Edward/Breegrodamus

          Skronklungs

        • Edward/Breegrodamus

          Tyree I have to be honest I always thought that was a pseudonym, because you love grindcore so much.

    • HessianHunter

      Yeah, brb quitting both my jobs and all my bands to become a drum monk for 5 years to be able to play this shit

  • The dots in the name of that band makes me uncomfortable #LinkFacts

  • MoshOff

    Oh I want to, I just can’t.

  • CyberneticOrganism

    This guy is my cousin. He could do it.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1QAjj20wbdU

  • Guacamole Jim

    I gotta admit, this is pretty intriguing…

    • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

      Go Blaow.

      • Guacamole Jim

        This stuff is pretty nuts. I can understand the notation, but it’s really nuts.

        • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

          I wish I could even dream of understanding that.

          • Guacamole Jim

            It’s actually not as crazy as it looks. It’s mostly blasts, and some trickier modulations on the triplets (the pulses at 23 turn the regular 3 pattern into a 2/4 pulse, which sounds killer). The hardest part of the whole thing would be getting it up to speed and tight enough to play. Once you start playing this stuff at extreme speeds, consistency becomes a real issue.

          • Tyree

            YUP! Blasting is one thing but when you start adding math to it and stops and starts it becomes a very frustrating game.

          • Guacamole Jim

            Exactly. It’s one of those things where you have to spend years learning to internalize odd time signatures at slower tempos so they become natural to you; then speeding up becomes easier.

            I’m still working on the first part.

          • Tyree

            The technique that you use to speed it up is also very key. You need to be relaxed which is fucking difficult to achieve.

          • Guacamole Jim

            Especially while maintaining consistent volume. I can blast while retaining a pretty relaxed, natural feel, but it means I’m using [EDIT: Moeller] method which automatically lends itself to a pulse. My strong beats always end up being accented, which doesn’t really sound good when you’re trying to achieve a “wall-of-sound” blast. That and my feet suck ass.

          • “That and my feet suck ass.”
            pics or it didn’t happen

          • Guacamole Jim

            Why don’t you just come to Canada and experience the magic firsthand? 😉

          • Tyree

            I also accent with my dominate hand while blasting. Not as vigorously as I used to, but I still do it. Flo Mounier in the video I posted in this thread is a good example of tight blasting with a wall of sound. Dude is incredible with his hand technique. It’s all fingers for his hyper-blasts.

          • Guacamole Jim

            Yeah, I was checking that out. It puts any blast I’ve ever done to shame. Fingers really is the way to go; I just can’t get any power out of them.

          • I agree. Blasting with your fingers is the superior technique.

          • Guacamole Jim

            heeheeheeheehee

          • Tyree
          • Tyree

            Incredible. And he keeps the power consistent.

            Edit: Not Flo obviously in this video.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmgMLrvDcck

          • Guacamole Jim

            brb quitting life forever

          • Tyree

            YEAH! Fucking come on!!!!

          • Even for melodic based instruments like guitar that makes terrible headaches x_x

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Once you start playing… Here was my first issue.

    • DO IT! Grattatatata

      • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

        It would be interesting to see Glock Jim empty a magazine on 23/4 or something

        • So what are you opinions on gun ownership? Within your views of Marxism.

          GL

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Nor everyone should own a gun. But I am not fundamentally against it. I’ve grown in a country where police aim at legs though and killing has rarely ever proved necessary. The whole “protecting your home and family” thing is good, but abused.

          • Interesting. Thanks for the response!

            GL

          • i have two, jajajaja. i show them off at BDubs

          • My name is George Lynch and I approve of your message.

            GL

          • DDubya.

            Hey GL, saw your email. Sorry for the confusion, hombre 🙁

          • No worries – I just wanted to clear up the collective “what is going on” that would surely come up sooner than later. Thanks.

            GL

          • DDubya.

            Next time you send me an idea, I’ll be sure to reply. Sorry, I had just filed it away for later use since I have a queue of ideas.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Let me initiate this then, if it is indeed inevitable (and more words beginning with i): “What Is Going On?”

          • A Lack of Communication, Back Off! (those are lyrics, bro)

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tvLgwTHAa-M

            GL

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            *Backs off, awaits the moment you turn your godforsaken back…*

          • but really, it was a lack of communication. No worries man!

            <3

            GL

          • The Bestest Tapir
        • I saw a video with Guacamelee shooting with his drums in polyrhythmics patterns

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            😉 I saw it too.

    • #GuacameleeFanClub activated!

    • JIM! JIM! JIM!

  • BLXKKBEXRD

    Biddly Biddly bomp

    Ilold

  • Tyree
  • Jefrey Waylon Mann

    I have a cousin that play drums.
    One day I showed him Meshuggah and he said he would have a heart attack trying to play it.

  • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

    I should do this. Not that I have any idea how to play drums or read that thing, but regardless it feels like a good idea to do this. Maybe I’ll even help some poor soul to get the job by sucking so much.

    • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

      My uncle would be proud of you considering he was in the band.

      • we’re all proud of Mr. Lynch, the nicest person ever.

        • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

          GL is awesome. I was talking about my uncle Mike though. He was the bassist.

          • i’m pretty sure GL was the bassist

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Actually my mom was the bassist.

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            You lie!

          • The Bestest Tapir

            My mom was also the guitarist of Yes.

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            Steve Howe is not your mom!

          • Guacamole Jim

            Actually he is, I can verify this fact.

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            Jim plz!

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Excuse you? My mom Steve is a “she”, thank you verimakkara!

          • Guacamole Jim

            Oh yes, of course. My *mistake*.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Steve Howe is just propaganda that the patriarchy created so no one would know that a woman played guitar in Yes.

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            Tapir Plz!

          • his story checks out.

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            Jimmy plz!

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            Damnit Jimmy, GL plays guitar, not bass!

          • But.. Tapir story is very coherent!

          • The Bestest Tapir

            I cannot tell a lie.

          • That’s why you ARE the Bestest Tapir!

    • tertius_decimus

      Good stuff!

    • Ok. This is good!

  • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    this sounds like a great opportunity for an up and coming kid musician]00

    young people like we’re helping with our “no more condoms” campaign

    families with- at least 6-10 kids are better —so everyone out there needs to get to it and get some girls pregnant—–a person should always have at least one girl pregnant at all times—

    also if you know any girls that dont have a boyfriend–it is your duty to get her a baby as well—to help her be happy

    all over the internet— people are shouting out “no more condoms”—also they can get a ‘no more condoms’victory bracelet

    anyone can help–even gay people can still help single girls get pregnant—and help out that way–
    hopefully in a few years –these guys wont need to be looking for a drummer

    • WOW.

      GL

      • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

        here’s one for people like yer type—everytime he says ‘youve gotta carry that weight’—change it to–“boy, youve gotta go masturbate”

        -http://youtu.be/MjDVEp7HVxk

      • YourLogicIsFlushed

        This may be my my favorite z post.

  • BLXKKBEXRD

    Fucking snow

    • Tyree

      He’s a bastard.

      • BLXKKBEXRD

        +1 got ref.

        • DDubya.

          You know nothing.

          • BLXKKBEXRD

            Whaa?

          • Tyree

            I do know somethings. I know I love you.

          • i wanna know what love is

          • Guacamole Jim

            I legit love this song.

          • Huzzah! I have repeated it ~7 times this morning.

            GL

          • Guacamole Jim

            My mom had this CD and would listen to it often when I was growing up. It holds a special place in little Guacamole’s heart.

          • Back when you were just a lil avocado. Ahh, the nostalgia.

          • Dagon

            I’ll show you sweet submarine love if you retract your blasphemous Gorguts statement.

          • twas but a joke!

          • Dagon

            Your joke rustled a lot of jimmies, homeboy. Taste my wrath!

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Hyppää selkääni, niin näytän sinulle rakkauden maan.

          • …i want you to show me!!!

          • The Bestest Tapir

            You don’t have enough badges to ride me!

          • DDubya.

            I’ll be your Nissa Nissa. Plunge your sword into my beating heart to set your blade aflame.

    • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

      I agree. Fuck snow.

      • The Bestest Tapir

        It’s probably gonna feel cold, but I’m an open minded kinda guy.

        • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

          You like the cold though! I do not like the cold.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            I’d tap this.

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            Tap what?

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Refresh for image, Jim-Jam

    • I am kinda disappointed – we were supposed to get 8″ yesterday and all we got was 1/2″ of rain.

      #IWantedToGoSledding

      GL

      • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

        I can go sledding as there’s still quite a bit of snow on the ground near me.

      • BLXKKBEXRD

        It was just raining when I walked to work a couple hours ago, now the shit coming down

      • KJM

        Wanna trade?

    • It snowed so much yesterday here that they cancelled classes before 12.

      • BLXKKBEXRD

        You gotta gurpanize your driveway

  • Dagon

    surprised none brought up Lars yet

  • Lord Ov Kapsko

    That nicca on the left looks like he playin a bazooka.

    • OMG…. FABIO….

      • Lord Ov Kapsko

        I’m basedfabio, the Tzar ov buttholes, an Emperor ov rectums, Master Swordsman ov speculum, Sultan ov Prolapse. Pesants can call me Gold Cobra.

        • The Bestest Tapir

          Metaphysical Anus would like to fight about that rectum part.

          • Lord Ov Kapsko

            Metaphysical Anus is ffrom a proud nation ov Finland, he’s already a Cesar ov Frostbitten Hemorrhoids.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            MA has manifested in a form of a tapir. You speak highly of Finland. That is never a good thing. Finland is not love, Finland is not life,

  • Lord Ov Kapsko

    That’s how a bad high would sound like.

  • I’ll hit all the cymbals.