Vegan Nazis have beef with Varg Vikernes

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Did you know vegan nazis are A Thing? I don’t mean vegans that are serious about veganism to the point of being figurative nazis, we all know at least one jerk that fits that description. I mean nazis that also happen to be vegan. Take my hand as we marvel at the depraved depths of mankind. I’ll be expecting a call from the Pulitzer committee for that headline.

If you ever wanted to watch hundreds of hastily made videos featuring a middle aged man ranting about “traditional values”, the white race, weapons, and women, you’ve got many, many options available to you thanks to cable news, the internet, and the VHS collection of my creepy uncle Beauregard. Or you could watch the youtube channel of Burzum creator/D&D enthusiast/convicted murderer/dildo Kristian “Varg” Vikernes.

I’ve never watched his videos because when I last checked Everything is Terrible still exists and I don’t need anything else in my life for entertainment. BUT, my buddy Utmu tipped me off to a video that the V-card recently tossed-off that’s got the vegan nazis all a-titter. The video in question, “Vegans & B12”, presents a fascinating peek into the lives of people that care about the earth and animal welfare, but also think that non-whites are subhuman and should die.

If you’d like to watch a deranged old man that doesn’t even lift deliver a half-assed spiel about the nutritional detriments of a vegan diet, you can do so here. Or you could read the Misc forum on Bodybuilding.org. For the rest of us, here’s a taste of the HUNDREDS of idiotic comments on Varg’s video.

vvnazi4

We’re immediately invoking Godwin’s Law by walking ass backwards into it. In addition to vegetarianism, Hitler also practiced suicide. Just food for thought, WHITES UNITE.

vvnazi5

Please, Varg, attack the REAL ISSUES. Like those damn Jews that somehow cause BelusDeath to disappoint his parents on a daily basis.

vvnazis1

These two hang iron cross flags in their living room. Not out of hate, of course. They’re just total history buffs.

vvnazis2

crying jordan gif

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  • Lacertilian
    • CyberneticOrganism

      Prison changes a man…

      • *adult day care

      • Óðinn

        He needs to spend some time in an American state prison with gangbangers.

  • Varg only takes B1488 vitamins. It keeps his coat shiny and extra white.

    • Maybe he should reconsider. He’s looking pretty bloated and gray lately.

      • That’s what happens when nazi shitbirds feed their Varg from the table.

      • Vic Rattlehead

        But isnt he’s white and superior race? but most black look younger at his age, ouch

  • KyleJMcBride

    Mmm, beef…

  • CyberneticOrganism

    “Insanic1” has gone so far up his own ass he’s emerged from his own mouth and somehow crawled back up his ass again.

    https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/d7/8-cell.gif

    • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

      What sort of shape is that? It’s a good shape.

      • Rain Poncho W.

        I believe the answer is “Time Cube”

        • Stockhausen

          Time Cube is the answer to all.

        • KyleJMcBride

          That’s some OG internet insanity, right there.

          • Rain Poncho W.

            Now that Time Cube is defunct, I’m having to turn to Natural News for my fix of insanity.

        • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

          I feel weird about it because Gene Ray was a crazy racist dick, but I’m still a bit sad that Time Cube only exists in archival form now.

      • Tesseract.

        • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

          Ah cool. I thought it might have been but wasn’t sure because when I tried to build a tesseract with matchsticks it didn’t go very well.

      • The Tetrachord of Archytas
        • Pierre Generic

          That episode aired on AS last night.

  • KyleJMcBride

    In Other News: Clutch/The Sword tour in May.
    https://ticket.artistarena.com/events/24585

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      NO TEXAS DATES DAMMIT

      • Sir Ukkometso The Based

        Serves you right.

        • Señor Jefe El Rosa

          EAT YOUR OWN ASS

          • Sir Ukkometso The Based

            I caaan’t, it’s metaphysical!

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            TRY HARDER

          • Sir Ukkometso The Based

            How hard is hard enough?

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            WHEN YOU HAVE EATEN YOUR OWN ASS

          • Stockhausen

            That makes sense.

          • Sir Ukkometso The Based

            You’re not really helping

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            NOT MY PROBLEM

          • more beer

            You will find it delicious.

          • Sid Vicious Promos

            I don’t even know what kind of animal that is.

    • Sid Vicious Promos

      Yay, 2 NY dates!

    • Óðinn

      That is good news.

  • Simon PhoenixKing Rising

    A perfect example of the worm devouring itself.

  • RJA

    ” Rough day for us Fascist Vegans” – man, I am awfully close to giving up, I just don’t know if I can do it anymore!

    • RJA

      I’ve been listening to DIO all morning while working on drawings – think i’ll go back to that fantasy land.

      • Señor Jefe El Rosa

        Please share your drawings!

        • RJA

          Ah shit – the comment makes it seem like they are something cool – just cad drawings for work 🙁

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            Oh, hahahaha!

  • RustyShackleford

    Lol at them citing Varg’s “popularity and influence.” He has SLIGHTLY more popularity and influence than your average ex-con/nazi/metalhead/D&D fan, which has to be next to none to begin with. These guys must swallow their tears every time Trump/Bannon bite into a couple of Big Macs. Yep.

  • Rain Poncho W.

    You know who eats meat? The Demogorgon. Food for thought, friends.

  • tigeraid

    This is breathtaking.

  • Stockhausen

    I would have thought that the daunting task of working the internet would be enough to deter old weirdos like Varg from constantly uploading videos, but we may have to take action here. I bet unplugging his router would be a crushing blow.

    • Who keeps allowing these cranky, old men to access to the Internet?

      • Black Smallbeard

        lol hes little more than 10 years older than you or I

        • Oof! Either I look rill young or being angerey speeds up the ageing process
          (Edit: it could be both. It’s definitely both.)

          • Black Smallbeard

            well, maybe even being in kushy norweigian prison will

        • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

          Shameful confession: Varg and I share the same birthday 🙁

          • Black Smallbeard

            thats awesome

      • KyleJMcBride

        I’m surprised they haven’t kicked me off yet.

        • You’re a sentient shake…like being. We’ll give you a pass!

          • Sid Vicious Promos

            Of course we will.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      The Varg Way:
      – Espouse weirdo conservative back-to-nature nazi views
      – Record, edit and upload rambling video to youtube page every day

      • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

        There is actually one hilarious video in which he says he doesn’t play guitar anymore because “it’s a silly thing” and he’d rather do more useful stuff. So playing a musical instrument is a waste of time, but making silly, grossly uninformed videos is not

        • CyberneticOrganism

          Meanwhile the only reason anyone gave a shit about the guy in the first place is because he played guitar (before becoming a convicted murderer)

      • Óðinn

        Plays Black Metal. Supports mentally-challenged Christian Conservative icon, Donald Trump.

  • Black Smallbeard

    lol no comment

    • Black Smallbeard

      Varg not only doesnt lift, he and many of his commenters contend that lifting is counterproductive to “survivalist” lifestyles. i tend to disagree but i think you hit on a point you didnt even realize

      • Black Smallbeard

        PS – MYFAROG is still awesome

        • Señor Jefe El Rosa

          BEAT IT NERD

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            (I’d play it with you)

          • Black Smallbeard

            lol i know you would

      • Count_Breznak

        Well…..when you actually need to lift to get in shape you prolly don’t live a “survivalist” lifestyle..all that bare-hand-elk wrestling, tree chopping (also bare handed), berry picking and making videos about it will buff you up. Those cams weight a lot more than they look like.

  • NefariousDude

    How could you be ok with the holocaust but not cool with eating animals? Lol

    • Sir Ukkometso The Based

      THE HOLOCAUST NEVER HAPPEND IT WAS DA JEWZ PLOT TO KILL WHITE PEOPLE

  • Count_Breznak

    “Fascist vegans” is rather redundant…

    • Black Smallbeard

      is this when the left starts eating their own?

      • no one likes vegans

        • Black Smallbeard

          ha!

        • Sir Ukkometso The Based

          Funny thing is in real life I’ve met more douchey meat eaters calling me a retard because I’m a vegetarian.

          • HOT TAKE: Caring about what other people eat is stupid. Likewise thinking other people need to know about your diet.

          • Sir Ukkometso The Based

            I’ve pretty much only told about it when asked.

          • Black Smallbeard

            tard

          • Sir Ukkometso The Based

            Feg

          • Black Smallbeard

            😉

          • Dumpster Lung
          • Pagliacci is Kvlt

            You sure it was because you’re a vegetarian?

          • Sir Ukkometso The Based

            Considering that the insults start coming after my vegetarianism is revealed, I’m pretty sure.

          • Óðinn

            I eat meat, but I support your right not to eat meat, Sir Ukkometso The Based.

  • RJA

    speaking of Hitler “practicing suicide” – did any of you watch Hunting Hitler on the History channel about his possible escape to South America – I enjoyed it thoroughly even though the guys doing the “hunting” were quite squirrely at times.

    • Óðinn

      Varg Vikerness: hippy.

    • Óðinn

      Oh sure. That’s what they say at Wazzu. But what about Udub?

      • i still don’t know what this means. … but i like it!!

  • The only fear I have in this world is that when Varg dies it will become the Michael Jackson of metal.

    • Dumpster Lung

      Probably will only be considered that to those that are still fans of his now, which I think/hope is a pretty small minority of the metal community.

      • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

        Well, I’m hesitant to call myself a Varg fan, but I still think the first four Burzum albums are fucking excellent. I also have a Burzum shirt I purchased sometime in 2005 that I don’t wear anymore because I don’t want people to think that I’m racist

        • Max

          I sincerely think that Hvis Lyset Tar Oss is a masterpiece. Aske isn’t bad either, since it got me onto the path that lead to the former. But the debut and Det Som Engang Var are, in my estimation, both amateur garbage. Anything after Hvis…I never bothered with.

          • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

            I really like the first three. Filosofem is also really good but the shitty production ruined it (if you read the albums Wikipedia entry, Varg actually went to great lengths to achieve a shitty sound, to the detriment of the final product). The two ambient albums that followed were kinda silly and boring. I heard Belus when it came out and thought it was okay but nothing remarkable. I never bothered with any of the other albums he made after that

          • Max

            I probably should give Filosofem a try some day.

        • Dumpster Lung

          I didn’t mean anyone who enjoys old Burzum albums, I meant the people who subscribe to Thulean Perspective and genuinely seek wisdom from the guy 😛

          But yeah, that kinda sucks that shirt is ruined.

          • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

            Its okay, the shirt is kinda faded anyways.

            I actually found the Thulean Perspective videos in which he talks about the black metal scene, or how he recorded the Burzum albums, enjoyable. But the videos in which he talks about anything other than music, thanks but no thanks

          • Dumpster Lung

            I’ve never watched any of them. All I’ve ever heard about were the racist ones 😛

        • Óðinn

          Yeah, he’s definitely better at music than he is at life.

  • Sid Vicious Promos

    Everything is Terrible is the best. They’re finally making their Jerry Maguire pyramid from what I’ve heard.

  • Special Agent Dale Cooper

    Someone punch Varg in his stupid fucking face. #BashTheFash

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVTbXRhDlcw

  • CyberneticOrganism
  • Óðinn
  • Óðinn
  • Waynecro

    I heard that Hitler had a lot of pretty serious gastrointestinal problems and was frequently flatulent. That might explain why he had to yell so much during his speeches: He was trying to hide the sound of his own farts.

    • Óðinn
      • Waynecro

        Those videos are great. I also heard that Hitler’s doctors fed him human excrement in efforts to fix his stomach problems. He was probably a literal shit eater. This pleases me.

  • Óðinn

    I watched his video. It’s actually pretty funny when he starts talking about “eating animal feeshees”. He’s an idiot.

  • Max

    Fun fact: Did you know that there are apparently five times as many ex-vegans in the United States as there are current vegans?

    Or that this would hardly be surprising, since the attrition rate for the vegan diet (ie: people who take it up only to lapse from it at some point) is 85%? (For vegetarians it’s 70%.)

    Anyway, my favourite vegan is Freelee the Banana Girl. She makes Varg look sane.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJXWa7Annak

    • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

      Not to sound like a nut, but that part about squatting to poop is actually true. Not so much the part about getting colon cancer and hemorrhoids if you poop like a normal person, but the part about it being more natural and easier to poop while squatting. But the whole part about getting up on the toilet like she does, yeah, I wouldn’t recommend that

      • Óðinn

        Yeah, I’ve heard that too. It does make sense that squatting is more natural, since porcelain toilets haven’t been around very long. How much healthier is it? I don’t know. I’m sure somebody will do the research.

        • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

          I’m no gastroenterologist/proctologist, but from what I understand, when you sit in a regular toilet, some of your muscles are not fully relaxed. When in a squatting position, all muscles are relaxed and shit comes out more easily. I don’t really believe the cancer/hemorrhoids part, though, since most of the population go their entire lives shitting in a normal toilet in a straight position without developing an illness

          • Óðinn

            Yes. I’d suspect there are some health exaggerations from proponents of the squat, even if it may have some benefits.

      • Max

        There’s another video (which I would’ve posted instead but couldn’t find it at a glance) where Freelee the Banana Girl (so named, incidentally, because she once ate over 50 bananas in a day) talks about using the “bum gun” – which is just a shower hose installed in your toilet used in lieu of toilet paper (because toilet paper is environmentally unfriendly, etc.). So basically a bideau or similar. Hose down your ass after shitting instead of wiping it with planet-destroying toilet rolls.

        The video itself is pretty straightforward. But the comments underneath it are gold. Such as “Next week’s video: Why I Stopped Breathing.” Or, the singularly most immortal comment I have ever read on any thread on the internet:

        “I can’t believe this bitch doesn’t wipe her ass with banana peels.”

    • Óðinn

      Australians poop upside down. #AustralianFacts 😉

    • Óðinn
  • ProfoundHatred

    I’m vegan. I also think Varg is the biggest sack of shit and easily most overrated black metal figure of all time. If he never recorded a single note, black metal would be even better. Ama.

  • The Mighty Thorange

    You mention D&D enthusiast with all the other like it’s a bad thing. *proceeds to hide from approaching jock horde using my level 5 cloak of concealment.* In all seriousness though, fuck this bloviating, shitheaded, knobdobber.