U.D.O. – Black And White: A Video Breakdown

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U.D.O. I.D.O. We all D.O. for U.D.O.

Beloved metal vocalist Udo Dirkschneider of Accept and U.D.O. fame will be touring the United States under the moniker “Dirkschneider”. While some may think it’s strange to tour under his own last name rather than the U.D.O. moniker, Dirkschneider explained:

“Originally it was our plan to go back to touring with U.D.O. in 2017. But we have received an incredible number of emails and letters from fans begging us to continue with DIRKSCHNEIDER, and as there are still so many (ACCEPT) songs left to be sung, we have decided to bow to your demands!”

 

Fans of his work in Accept should be totally psyched for this tour. Admittedly, I am not super familiar with his non-Accept work, so I decided to hit the internet to familiarize myself with the legendary vocalist. For a man that has put out over 30 albums, his Wikipedia page is surprisingly sparse. Weird, right? With Wikipedia being less than useful, I decided to check out some songs on Youtube and, boy, did I find something that…well, take a look for yourself.

0:02: She just managed to make that guitar dirtier.
0:06: Umm, ma’am, you’ve got a little something…eh, nevermind.
0:11: It must be amateur night at Club Dirkschneider.
0:15: Those boots were made for walking and nut-stomping.
0:18: One more shot of feet and I expect a naked Rex Ryan to come crashing through the wall like the Kool-Aid man.
0:24: Her outfit was stolen from a 1980’s pro-wrestling valet.
0:28: Not the weirdest place Udo Dirkschneider has ever woken up.
0:33: Is that a deployed airbag in the back of her pants?
0:40: Who knew Udo was a great ventriloquist?
0:48: I fully believe that he is part lemon.
0:53: The other part must be hairless cat.
1:01: This video will be a win if they rip out his mid-life crisis earring.
1:06: I really hope that’s an airbag and not, like, a used adult diaper.
1:12: It’s important to find a job that you love.
1:20: “Udo, I have a great idea for your video. Let’s get hot babes to be your backing band, but make them look weird. What do you think?”
1:27: Yeah, when you have a such a great shot like this one, you obviously have to show it twice. That’s what Spielberg would’ve done.
1:32: I didn’t know Dimebag had a daughter.
1:37: For the love of god, someone please confirm that she’s wearing an airbag! My brain can’t handle the alternative!
1:44: It’s like going to WalMart on a weekday morning.
1:48: I knew it! He was full of lingonberry jam this entire time!
1:58: That face mirkin is making me feel itchy.
2:11: That’s not quite how drums work, but I appreciate her ingenuity.
2:14: An alternative future where Obamacare was repealed.
2:25: Really, there’s more sepia tones in the video than black and white.
2:30: Seems like a pretty big oversight when you think about it.
2:38: I hope these ladies were paid very well for their time.
2:43: Now you know what it’s like to have your soul gag.
2:50: Someone took Wayne Static’s hair, turned it upside down, and stuck it on her chin.
3:06: There must be a limit to how close Udo can get to you.
3:10: I GET THAT REFERENCE!
3:15: Mooooom, Grandpa got into the giggle juice again!
3:25: Her metal heart is going to rust if they don’t get that Udo goo off it.
3:36 Anyone else getting a Return Of The Living Dead vibe from her makeup?
3:44: How about now?
3:50: So is this video a metaphor for the Dirkschneider tour?
3:56: If so, please say hi to the zombie lady.
4:04: Maybe avoid Dimebag Darrelina.
4:07: Drawing on senior citizens has to count on elder abuse.

U.D.O.’s album Dominator is out now (well, it came out in 2009) via AFM Records.