Tuneless caterwauling at Guitar Center: The Album!

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Guitar Center is in the news again, and this time it’s NOT for the sorry state of their financials!

For the last couple of years, beleaguered tab book retailer Guitar Center has been known for their internal mismanagement, financial woes, and constant attempts to rebrand their failing empire. That’s a shame because we’ve stopped thinking about the soul of Guitar Center. We’ve forgotten about the music, the one thing that makes Guitar Center what it is: a big box store that is constantly filled with a swirling cacophony of maddening aural bullshit.

Fortunately, an artist named Noah Wall thought of a brilliant way to package the ambiance of a Saturday afternoon at your local corporate gear dealership. Drifting from department to department he discretely recorded the free-form chaos that floats across the soundscape. In the meandering practice sessions and abortive riff attempts, he found order:

This is my third and last day recording here. Some cliques gather in the acoustic guitar room and the occasional couple show off for one another but this place is mostly loners. Trying out a guitar or amp or whatever, they probably didn’t come here to jam with others. But the din has an ensemble effect and the unintentional group is abiding some unspoken rules. There’s a general respect in terms of volume, and sometimes strangers play in the same key and seemingly with one other. On two different days, two different people on two different instruments in two different rooms play the same Jackson 5 song.

Through the field recordings on this album, Live at Guitar Center, you can hear an array of sounds and emotions at work in the modern world of amateur musicianship. From the hesitant pangs of “Hot Cross Buns” on keyboard, the ever-present blooz riff, to a young woman quietly and meaningfully mumbling along to Green Day‘s “Good Riddance”, Live at Guitar Center should cause all musicians to feel the full spectrum of emotions inherent in amateur artistry. Also, this soundtrack is constantly punctuated by a persistent ringing telephone that is giving me horrific flashbacks to my days working retail.

Noah is pretty proud of Live at Guitar Center. Check out some of the reviews he proudly displays on his site:

Noah Wall Reviews

Listen to Live at Guitar Center below and give him a like on Facebook. What do you think? Is this a brilliant work of art in the medium of noise or an encapsulation of hell on Earth?

 

Images VIA

  • Guacamole Jim

    Still more musical than 4’33”

  • Tyree

    Guitar Center is like the DMV. It’s strange, it usually smells funny, and it’s overall very fucking unpleasant.

  • RustyShackleford

    I fucking hate guitar center with a passion. This is a funny idea though! Listening with headphones it’s actually mixed REALLY well…I feel like I’m in the fucking store and I’m getting infuriated.

  • Shrimp ov Whatever

    I’d totally buy this.

  • Celtic Frosty
  • The Beargod

    Now I’m all sorts of sorry for never having been to a Gitarre Centrale.

    • Jesus Built My Hot Dog

      Yeah, but in Finland, doesn’t everyone just get dressed up like Finntroll and buy/sell gear out in the forests?

      • The Beargod

        *make their own gear in the forests FTFY

  • TheRedman(formerly God ov All)

    Noah’s a damn weirdo.

    …then again, so am I. *presses play*

  • The Beargod

    This is actually sort of fun.

    • The Beargod

      Enjoying this WAY more than I should methinks.

  • Celtic Frosty

    Looking forward to the next Aevangelist album where they’ve just recorded death metal songs on top of this

    • The Beargod

      I’d buy that for a dollar (or two even)

    • Tyree

      I keep forgetting that I’m seeing them.

  • YourLogicIsFlushed

    As a practicing non-musician, I have never been in one of these stores, but this is amusing as shit.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Visit the location on 59 near Fux Valley, then drown your hatred for retail at Solemn Oath

      • YourLogicIsFlushed

        I have been there a few times now. It’s a pretty neat place and always great beer. Will probably substitute the GC with the Goodwill around the corner and watch little Mexican kids break all the glassware while I laugh at the garbage that people bring in there.

  • Dagon

    I found something called coffitivity the other day which I use when I’m having trouble concentrating. It reproduces background sounds simulating a coffee shop, so it sort of drowns out occasional and distracting noises in your house like people calling, doors etc.

    • Dagon

      Maybe this will be similar.

      • Dagon

        I don’t think so

        • RustyShackleford

          It would be similar in the sense that it is the exact opposite and will make you want to kill everyone

  • Celtic Frosty

    I have to stop listening to this because I’m wearing my earbuds in my office and I keep thinking my phone is ringing or someone is walking around behind my back.

    • RustyShackleford

      HOW DOES IT DO THAT

  • You need to come to Venezuela if you think this is annoying…

    This is pleasant in comparison of being in a bus with 400 people and with 300 % volume of latin popular music.

    • Sounds like you are in dire need of some noise cancelling headphones so you can listen to melodeath in peace.

    • Guacamole Jim
      • Maik Beninton

        It’s how it feels like.

        • Guacamole Jim

          hahahaha holy hell dude.

          • Yeah, it sucks.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Is everyone down there deaf?

          • I think it’s that we live in the north coast region of south américa near Colombia and this part, culturally, is very lousy.

            The people who live near Los Andes mountains are, in general, more calm and, in fact, coast colombians and marabinos (from Maracaibo) are despised in most of those regions because the proximity and the loudness of their speaking/lifes.

          • Maik Beninton

            I live on south of Brazil, so I don’t hear a lot of funk crap, but I can imagine that the bus on Rio is like in the video but with funk instead.

          • Must be. The more near you live to the coast, the more lousy is the people. The natives of this city are very lousy, their accent is very marked, nasal. And they don’t mind to be in your personal space, ask you about your life or giving you random advices even when you not ask about i.t

            The buses here are packed with: merengue, salsa, champeta (Colombia), vallenato (from Colombia), reggaeton, pop ballads. It’s awful. Those bus drivers got robbed and they still buy new sound equipments, even when the bus is destroying itself. Same with the cars in the public transport.

          • Maik Beninton

            I’ve only pass by some dudes playing funk at 200% volume once, and I was buying bread on a bakery store.

          • want to listen crap? ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°) have some Changa Tukki, menor!

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LfobrPfJVxc

          • Jesus Built My Hot Dog

            Almost as bad as having to fucking hear ‘Gasolina’ 200 times a day where I was working.

          • Jajajajaja!! Where did you worked? In a Puerto Rican restaurant or what?

          • Jesus Built My Hot Dog

            Nah, French/Italian place, but a good deal of the staff was Mexican.

          • TheCheezFace

            Dude, I live in Minas and funk is every fucking where, especially in buses and those stupid ass cars with their annoying sound systems. I don’t even want to imagine what it’s like in Rio.

          • #SouthAmericanProblems

          • Maik Beninton

            The stupid bros with their lowed cars and their music in 200% volume.

          • Jesus Built My Hot Dog

            Gotta love those mega bass car systems (rolls eyes). It’s always the worst music possible (though my one friend did pump up some Front 242 when he got his system), and it makes the car sound like a rattling can. People on the inside think it makes them look cool. People on the outside of the car just hear a grinding, rattling wall of white noise.

          • TheCheezFace

            Yep. I don’t know how some of those people are not deaf yet.

          • Jesus Built My Hot Dog

            It’ll only get worse and louder as they get near to total deafness.

          • Actiondonkey

            Dude, I know EXACTLY what you mean. My best friends is from Nicaragua and his wife was Colombian. That bitch was LOUD. Like 400% loud at all times.

          • Jesus Built My Hot Dog

            Oddly enough, my ex-fiance (from Barranquilla) was pretty quiet and chill. I’ve heard the horror stories about chicks from Bogota, though!

          • Dagon

            Whatever, you’re not going to make me break up with Sofia.

          • WHAT?!

        • I’m never complaining about taking the bus again.

        • Jesus Built My Hot Dog
      • Dagon

        420

    • KJM

      “Listen at 300% volume.”

  • Goat of Dank desires

    Now this is cleverly done, enjoying this way more than I should. Any info on how he actually put everything together?

    • He has some info on his site about the process. He wore a microphone disguised as earbuds to record the sounds – I’m not sure on how or if he did any additional mixing for this.

      • CyberneticOrganism

        Nicely done Joe, I’m glad TOH can bring tuneless caterwauling to the masses. *rings of saturn joke here*

  • “Pro Audio Line 2, Pro Audio Line 2”. – Dude, your ruining this guy’s flyin’ V solo!

  • CyberneticOrganism

    I absolutely love the concept of this, which I’m going to steal wholesale when I release Cybernetic Organism – Live at Buffalo Wild Wings

    • 01000010 01010010 01001111 00100001

      • CyberneticOrganism

        Orb! I mean BRO!

    • Mother Shabubu III

      One of my friends had a similar idea where all the percussion sounds are samples recorded from flogging/spanking sounds from a bondage place thingy. The album would be named “Love Slaps” or something cheeky like that.

      • CyberneticOrganism

        My kick drum will be a wasted bro hitting the floor. My snare will be a bottle of Bud Light shattering.

        • Mother Shabubu III

          This must be recorded. I’d CrowdFund this.

          I think for the dungeon concept, you could just use an ass for the kick drum, boobs or chests for the toms, and an over-lubed dildo as like a hi-hat keeping time.

        • Jesus Built My Hot Dog

          I think you just summed up 75% of Einsterzande Neubauten’s whole catalog, or all of Whitehouse’s catalog.

    • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater

      I’m stealing this concept for a “live” album called Live From Inside A Colecovision Box. It’s me recording an hour of my life with the recorder being inside a Colecovision box. I might even put it in Quadrophonic sound!

    • Jesus Built My Hot Dog

      Be on the lookout for my CD/DVD, Kim Jong Un: Live At A Walmart Full Of Meth Addicts In FL!!!! With special guest appearance by Scott Stapp.

      • Sir Tapir the Based™

        I’m gonna go record a live album in Tuurin kyläkauppa (a paradise for Finnish rednecks)

        • Jesus Built My Hot Dog

          I wanna see a picture of what a Finnish redneck looks like!

          • Sir Tapir the Based™

    • Lacertilian

      could we maybe get rights to your album for G’Dubs Mexican Bar & Grill?
      As long as @disqus_kqxyUNPxty:disqus gets to pick tracks we should be good to go

  • Mother Shabubu III

    Why do I think if Mike Patton did weird voices over this, or some composer like John Zorn put this out, it would be hailed as genius?

    • Because critics constantly fellate those dudes? On the reals, I think this is a pretty brilliant concept and recording.

      • Mother Shabubu III

        I do too, don’t get me wrong, I just feel like if a respected name in music put this out, or if MC Ride put vocals over this, everyone would pretend it’s the greatest thing ever.

    • Jesus Built My Hot Dog

      Because you’d be right? They should get Randy Newman to put some voices over this whole thing! Now THAT’s a truely golden voice, and should be in every metal song ever made from here on out.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DqNG_SrSa4o

    • Guppusmaximus

      Naw…. Zorn’s too busy putting out cool shit like this:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V7xYaNTUGTk

  • J.R.

    Or…..uh….yeah

  • EsusMoose

    Fuck up a groove, switch grooves for a few bars to hide shame then return to your original groove

  • it’s brilliant. lolz / 10

    • Maik Beninton

      I stopped at the middle of the seventh track and I can’t go further.

  • Stockhausen

    My heart rate skyrocketed when that stupid piano riff that every sixth grader knows started. And I’m dead, so that says a lot.

  • Max

    I once read an interview with the guy from Throbbing Gristle where he talked about experiments in black magic that William Burroughs used to practice in the ’60s.

    Apparently one time Burroughs was stiffed on the bill at a restaurant he was patronizing, so he got his revenge by casting a spell:

    He hung around taking photos of the restaurant outside and its surrounds, and then cut out and destroyed all parts of the photos that actually depicted the restaurant – and then glued the remains into a collage.

    Then he taped “trouble noises” off the TV – people screaming as they got murdered in cop shows, gruesome news broadcasts, etc. Afterwards, he took a portable cassette player and spent days walking around outside the restaurant blaring the tape he’d made until the place went out of business.

    Maybe that’s what this guy is doing to Guitar Center.

    • Guacamole Jim
    • Sir Tapir the Based™

      I must try this!

    • Dr. Dubz

      I mentioned this to frozengoatsheadupanarse, but Burroughs is one of the few authors whose book I just stopped reading because I wasn’t enjoying it.

      • Max

        I’ve never actually bothered reading his stuff; I tend to avoid most “big name” ’60s counterculture authors (Kurt Vonnegut, Hunter S. Thompson etc.) purely on the basis that they’re overhyped anyway. I can handle Tom Wolfe, though.

        • KJM

          I’d suggest giving Thompson a second shot.

          • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater

            I love Thompson and Vonnegut. A band I like wrote a song based on something Vonnegut wrote called Nice, Nice Very Nice.

          • Max

            I should clarify: I actually DO like some Thompson: the Hell’s Angel’s book is probably his best. Some of the journalism collections have their moments. But the more obviously drug-influenced and lurid stuff just leaves me cold. It’s not that I’m anti-drugs; it just seems a waste of time to read something which is supposedly true but is obviously embellished.

          • KJM

            Agreed, I prefer his journalism and social commentary most of all.

          • Max

            It’s ironic that he was more effective as a straight(ish) reporter than a “gonzo” yarn spinner. That approach seems very dated and ’60s now.

          • KJM

            Hell’s Angels, Las Vegas, and Campaign Trail all had just the right mix of both.

          • CONANtheDjentlyFuckingKING

            ……..my latest masterpiece.

          • sup Conan? what music has been tickling your fancy lately?

          • CONANtheDjentlyFuckingKING

            The new marduk, voices, diamond head, mostly old stuff.

        • Jesus Built My Hot Dog

          Even Kerouac?!

        • Vonnegut is awesome. The word ‘granfalloon’ from Cat’s Cradle is one of my favorite words ever. It perfectly describes the human condition (and why we suck).

  • BLOODBEARDE

    This reminds me: anyone have thoughts on the newest Tyler, the Creator album?

    • Sir Tapir the Based™

      I’ve not heard it, but my god did not like it. I may have to take a listen.

      • BLOODBEARDE

        Its a bit strange (of course). I miss the OF stuff that bumped real hard. Seems them days is gone.

    • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater

      I haven’t heard it yet. I hope it’s good.

      • Sir Tapir the Based™

        Ayyyyy, you’re back. Happy birthday!

        • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater

          Thank you!

      • CT-12

        Happy burday mang!

        • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater

          Thank you!

  • Dr. Dubz

    Is this one of Ed’s noise things? JK, this is a very interesting concept.

  • KJM

    “A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night” is really good, but it’s not the horror movie everyone thinks it is. It’s what you would get if young Jim Jarmusch had directed “Let The Right One In”.

    • CT-12

      Sounds dope, I was definitely interested

      • KJM

        Totally worth it. I’m sure I’ll see it again someday.

  • KJM
  • CT-12

    One of the funniest things I’ve ever listened to, so glad you posted this Joe hahahahaha