Want to record that perfect take? Write the riff to crush all genitalia? Get that perfect drum tone? Need album direction ideas? Well today we have something extra special for all you aspiring musicians, the Producer Series. This exclusive to TovH will put you in touch with one of the leading names in metal production today, helping you get the edge over the endless stream of new bands/artists all seeking those sweet yet ever-dwindling record deal dollars. Last time we spoke, B.S gave us the insider tips on how to create a buzz in the world of Stoner metal. Here in the fifth installment, he’s going to show you how to prove you’ve got djent.
So far we’ve sent your riffing into outer-space with Tech-Death, got you in touch with nature with all things Atmospheric, helped you create the harshest of Noise and blazed through Stoner metal. Once again, due to contractual obligations and other such legal restrictions imposed by those pesky record labels and other suit-wearing corporate scum, we’re not allowed to officially name the producer we’ve been in contact with. So for the purposes of this series, they’ll be referred to by their initials, B.S. I’m sure some of you who are more knowledgeable in the music industry have already worked out who it is, but for those who haven’t, let’s just say they’re a pretty big deal, having worked across a couple of decades, covered a plethora of sub-genres and collected ideas from all aspects of the music industry. What matters here for us though is that we’ve got exclusive access to their insights and tips on how to get noticed and achieve success through the saviour of metal, djent.
1. Learn Binary
By now you’ve probably realised that you need to know how to decipher binary. Even to simply read some of the super-futuristic fonts Djent bands use for their logos, you’ll need to know your way around the 1’s and 0’s. Just glancing at any Guitar Pro tablature will give you a headache if can’t distinguish a common 0001001100100011 pattern from a 0001001100100011 one. Don’t be the fool who just wings it and ends up hitting that useless 11th fret by mistake. After you’ve learned to read it, you’ll have to try to start thinking in binary, moreover, begin to communicate in it. This will prove invaluable when you finally crack the big-time and hit that elusive double figure benchmark of Soundcloud followers. Each and every one of them champing at the bit to pay you their lunch money for one-on-one instructional lessons on how to crack the code of your revered riff-making.
0. Ixnay On The Eshuggahmay
Just don’t mention them at all. It’s safer that way. If you ever make the mistake of uttering the name of the famous Swedes, you’ll no doubt be in for trouble. Saying their name out loud is the quickest way to turn a djentleman into a complete djerk. You might be of the opinion that they were the forefathers of the genre/style…don’t mention it. Conversely, you might believe they were entirely separate to the formation of the genre/style… don’t mention it. You might not care either way, but don’t. fucking. mention it. When you enter the studio, remove all thoughts of the legendary band. When you write the linear notes for the album booklet, don’t include a thanks to “you know who.” Thank me instead.
0. Get With The Program
Don’t waste time relying on fallible, and thus, useless bandmates. Remove the chance of human error and opt for exclusively program-based accompaniment. Even the slightest nuances arising from someone’s personal playing style could alter the perfect futuristic sound-scape you’ve meticulously crafted on Guitar Pro. These nuances are essentially mistakes, so eradicate them with the plethora of computer programs available to you in the modern age. Real guitar tones don’t exist within the vacuum of amp valves and the knowing tweaks of analog dials; they can only be found on the preset functions of new programs such as Axxxtreme™. Can’t find a drummer to fill your creative visions of overarching polyrhythms and complex time signatures? Get a drum program, they never turn up late to practice because their parents wouldn’t let them out of doing their chores. The best program for this at the moment, I’ve found, is skILLUSORY Drummer™.
1. Tune Lower Than The Next Band
You’ve tagged your music as experimental and progressive. You tell your friends “it’s soooo much heavier than those bands” when they ask if it’s “like that screamo stuff”. What is the only way to make your music heavy? Tune lowwww. Carve out the nut with a damn jigsaw, put on some fat strings and loosen those machine heads right on down. Start with your thickest string, the 0.98. Drop that that beast until you can only just wrap it around the headstock twice. Now plug in to a chromatic tuner, pull out your 6mm pick and give that bastard a chug. Whatever note it happens to be is your baseline. Tune the other strings accordingly; you won’t be using them much anyway.
1. Dismiss Other Genres
There’s a reason there are over 4000 djent outfits releasing an album every 3 months. It’s because the youth have realised that djent is the future of metal. Unlike all the previous genres that have arrived on the scene throughout the history of metal, this time it’s not an over-saturated passing trend. Djent will continue to exist, nay flourish, over the years to come. This will almost certainly come at the cost of the other genres of metal. One by one they will disappear until everyone who isn’t stuck in the past will have jumped ship and began to bow at the altar of the almighty chug.