Toilet Radio Reads Death Metal Underground

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Let’s call it a bonus episode. On this episode of Toilet Radio, Joe and 365 Days of Horror are joined by Brenocide and Twitter personality Metal.txt. Join us as we flush the living hell out of Death Metal Underground, the long-running bastion of pseudo intellectual incel metal dorks. We’re reading aloud our favorite try-hard blog entries from the most insufferable people on Earth. Also, listen in horror as my dog tries his best to ruin the entire recording and the other guys decide to talk about Kids in the Hall as I chase after him. If nothing else, we’ve got A+ jams from Solanum and Couch Slut. It is most certainly a show, folks.

Music featured in this program:
Solanum – “Control” from Judge-Mental (Bandcamp)
Couch Slut – “Funeral Dyke” from Contempt (Facebook)(Bandcamp)

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  • Ike The Spike

    Impolite and evil!!!

  • Howard Dean

    I just googled “Couch Slut” and was a little surprised (though not at all disappointed).

  • Loafy D

    More Franklin mayhem

  • Eliza

    The guy in the header image looks like the saddest guy on earth.

  • Guacamole Jim

    “Top notch” eh, Joe??

  • GoatForest

    What’s up with that guy’s head?

  • IronLawnmower

    I feel like this is my fault somehow.

    • Please elaborate?

      • IronLawnmower

        I posted in the Facebook group about something like this the other day

        • Maik Beninton™

          lol, you actually did, and it was a month ago.

          • IronLawnmower

            Time is irrelevant to one such as I.

    • metaltxt

      This is 100% your fault, I’m sending you an invoice for my time

      • IronLawnmower

        Can I pay you in hash?

        • metaltxt

          That’s actually my preferred payment type, yes

          • IronLawnmower

            My man

  • Simon PhoenixKing Rising

    You know, i now want some damn ranch dressing potato chips. Thanks for instilling a hunger I can’t fufill you jerks.

    Also this is actually the first time I listened to Couch Slut. They sound angery as fuck.

  • Dougie Jones (Dale Cooper)

    Matt Forney…

    …call for help.

    • Ike The Spike

      Case files…you’re lying…Helloooo!!

      • Dougie Jones (Dale Cooper)

        MRA… lying… Forney… Aurini… call for help.

        • Ike The Spike

          Jade give two rides…
          “I bet she did!!”

        • Ike The Spike(KJM)

          On a more “serious” note, Dougie needs to snap out of it and be Dale again. Perhaps next week when The Pentagon gets involved the story will start to pick up.

  • Count_Breznak
    • What’s the translation?

      • Hans

        Inhuman (misanthropic, dehumanizing) Underground Music

        As the original might indicate, it’s somewhat tongue-in-cheek, describing a guy who’s super nice all the time but seething inside, so he has to listen to brutal music in private.

        Cringey translation of my favourite bit:
        I scream along with it occasionally
        I scream into the telephone, too
        I just dial a random number
        Maybe you already know me

      • Count_Breznak

        The original was about listening to “misanthropic underground music”, the grind version changed some parts arround and is about playing it.
        This should be mostly correct for the grind version, some parts don’t translate too well:

        Misanthropic Underground Music

        On stage we always act nice,
        but we are pretty normal anyway.
        There are people thinking of that as stuffy,
        but we don’t care.

        And because we are always so placid,
        we need some war for balance.
        And that’s why, in private, we preferably play

        misanthropic underground music( x4).

        We need that to sooth our nerves,
        we can’t take it otherwise.
        All those social tensions,
        especially those from outside.

        All those ill-tempered bastards,
        ruining our day.
        They more oftten than not look like some close relative just died.

        But so many poeple can’t be dead now,
        therefore they must have different reasons.
        But we don’t talk it out,
        because we don’t like agressions.

        And because we are always so placid,
        we need some war for balance.
        And that’s why, in private, we preferably play

        misanthropic underground music (x4).

        We got a soundproof room,
        that’s for our rehearsal cellar.
        And the music over the years has become
        always louder and always faster.

        We’ve started to scream into the mic ourselves,
        we began to just play livegigs instead,
        maybe you even actually knows us.

        In that case we want to apologize,
        it’s nothing personal.
        But when we are really mad
        the whole world is our enemy.

        And because we are always so placid,
        we need some war for balance.
        And that’s why, in private, we preferably play

        misanthropic underground music (x4).

  • GoatForest

    Sooooo, these Death Metal Underground guys sound like bitchy goons…

  • AndySynn

    DMU really don’t like NCS… and I can’t for the life of me work out why.

  • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

    Judging by her Twitter account, Megan from Couch Slut has got to be one of the funniest and coolest women out there

    • Slaves BC

      Very true.

    • metaltxt

      She’s alright

  • Maik Beninton™
  • Maik Beninton™
  • Maik Beninton™
  • metaltxt

    RANCH DRESSING POTATO CHIPS

  • DMU gets it right for once:

    White Death does suxxx dixxx tbh.

  • gacharicmeatspin

    Mofo, I live in the most Eastern Europe, I went for a shaurma on the break yesterday and lo and behold – this sonbitch is speedin’ past me on a what? UNICYCLE! He was fast, so I couldn’t ask if he was a hipster or not. No, this is not a joke, Brenocide.

  • Pingback: Death Metal Underground: Cry In Staged Over Death Metal Underground’s Dominance()

  • Toiletovhellaregay

    you guys are mentally deficient, You talk about metal but you don’t even understand what a melodic narrative is, you can’t even comprehend basic articles. You promote and champion crappy bands and have no understanding of metal or the way it is constructed, Do us all a favour and kill yourselves!!!

    • Please help me learn, Toiletovhellaregay, what exactly is a melodic narrative?

      • Toiletovhellaregay

        let’s break it down in layman terms:
        narrative in a musical context defines the structure and arrangement of the song,it means that the song eschews cyclical structure (intro,verse,chorus,bridge,chorus
        etc) commonly found in rock and commercial metal in favour of a more linear
        yet theoretically limitless structure where the songs flows through different moods and ideas to come to some form of conclusion, (think of it as a story being told, it continues in a straight line with no parts being repeated or in the rare case that they are it is to add importance to a certain idea)

        melodic derives from the word melody with a melody being any combination of
        notes that are found to be satisfying, melodies can be consonant dissonant or
        atonal. by utilising these types and combining you can express an infinity of
        moods atmospheres and ideas

        Now we get to the fun part a melodic narrative is the combination of different
        melodies that can be layered and manipulated to add and release tension,
        create mood, impose a specific atmosphere in an overall linear progression to
        communicate some form of an epic
        hope that helped you understand a bit about metal

        • So it’s a song. Like I said.

          • Toiletovhellaregay

            do you even speak english you fucking retard,
            do you think Pantera ever wrote a melodic narrative?
            all melodic narratives are songs but not all songs are melodic narratives

          • “All melodic narratives are songs”. So it’s a song. Like I said. Thank you for confirming.

          • Toiletovhellaregay

            it’s a type of song, if you are going to quote something quoite it in context, fucking poser

          • Butts4Gutts

            You should have been left outside after birth.

          • Butts4Gutts

            You mad as shit, boy.

          • I GOT YOUR MELODIC NARRATIVE RIGHT HERE, BRO
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkFqg5wAuFk

        • Stockhausen

          I don’t think you really know how melody is used.

        • Butts4Gutts

          You described a song. Congratulations. You’re a fucking idiot.

          Guys, check out my catalogue of melodic narratives arranged by specific order to maximize effectiveness of expression. Also known as an album. You stupid laymen.

          • Toiletovhellaregay

            your name is pretty faggy so not sure i can take you seriously, Pantera use purely cyclic structures, Pantera never had the skill or understanding to make melodic narratives, they just took Exhorder’s sound and the most obvious parts of Exodus and Prong and then proceeded to dumb it down insanely, listen to real metal you homo

          • Butts4Gutts

            I can’t hear you with all of the delicious dicks in my ears.

          • Toiletovhellaregay

            why don’t you respond normally like a human being rather than being gay

          • Butts4Gutts

            Don’t be so awkward, you tadpole.

  • Demonic Doomsayer

    Metal died in 1983. Only 6 good albums have been released since then (most of them in 1984, being already recorded by 1983). Metal achieved its penultimate evolution in albums like Ample Destruction, Crystal Logic, and Sad Wings of Destiny, elevating the genre into a legitimate art form. Now, thanks to Cowboys From Hell and Vektor, all its potential was squandered and the genre has been reduced into being mere gimmick ridden noise for drunk idiots (i.e. the lowest common denominator – stop trying to turn underground metal into Madonna).