Toilet ov Hell Turns 1000!

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It’s the New Toilet Millenium! Join us as we celebrate our 1000th post. We’ve laughed. We’ve cried. We’ve insulted each other in the comments and listened to stuff normal people hate. Join us in celebrating this momentous milestone.

“Papa” Joe Thrashnkill posted our very first entry on July 14, 2014. For those keeping score at home, that means we’ve been a blog for approximately 10 months now. 1000 posts in 10 months, and all of that is thanks to you, our loyal readers. You guys are the best, so we thought it would be fun to thank you by recounting some of our greatest hits, all in one neat package. Let’s relive the drama, the triumph, and the just plain weird together.


Short-Run Series

One of the first series we ever published came out of the minds and butts of the Masterlord and yours truly. We know you dudes and dudettes dig Lovecraftian horror, so in case you missed it the first time, here’s a snippet from the Masterlord’s summary of Thergothon’s characteristic creepiness from our three part series, Lovecraft and Heavy Metal: A Macabre Love Story:

Thergothon‘s funereal dirges are often characterized by sustained empty space between notes. Plodding drums and effects-drenched chords echoing out into nothingness reflect the immeasurable vastness of vacuous space. By the time the eerie synth kicks in at around 4:00, you’re floating through the fucking void all by yourself. OR ARE YOU? The phlegmy snarls and growls that undulate in the distance suggest something cold and inhuman calling out from behind the farthest star. Iä! Shub-Niggurath! The Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young!

__________

Last winter, Ed took us on a journey through the heart of darkness as explored the limits of musical extremity. In part 4, he left us naked, blind, and vulnerable at the doorstep of the most grotesquely horrific music available. Let’s take a trip back to Soundtrack to Your Annihilation and drown ourselves in the darkness.

I have found power electronics to be the most oppressive, corrosive, oppositional, and violent genre of music I have yet to experience. Power electronics bleed hatred through whatever device you choose to consume it with. To say that it is “difficult” would be a radical understatement. Information about the genre is limited, even on the internet, where casual searching will reveal little. Just compare the wiki of power electronics to the wiki of black metal. This is the heart of darkness. This is the “rabbit hole of what the fvckery” mentioned in the first installment. This place is reserved for only the bravest and the most foolhardy.


Ongoing Series

 This Toilet Tuesday has been one of our longest running series, and for good reason. Shining Spear horrifies us with his mortifying tales of pootrocities week after week. Let’s relive one of the most terrifying moments.

You wake up alone and confused, not knowing where you are or how you got there. Your head is spinning; you feel hung over, but you know you weren’t drinking last night. A quick glance of your surroundings suggests that you are in the attic of an old house. Molding boxes and bits of debris are illuminated by the sparse pale light streaming through the floorboards beneath you. Dazed, you get to your feet and make your way down the narrow staircase before you. The lower level is similar in appearance; old shattered furniture litters the floors and hallways, and tattered paintings of people without faces adorn the walls. You shudder and move on, eventually making your way to a door with a much brighter light shining beneath its crack and a low thrumming coming from beyond.

As you open it, you are greeted with a rush of air and a revolting stench. Black mold has filled the cracks in the ceiling and tiles of this bathroom, the shower curtain shredded, the broken mirror caked with dust. A desiccated corpse slumps over the bowl of a smashed toilet, its finger pointing to the wall opposite. You follow its direction with your eyes and, scribbled on the wall in what you assume to be the corpse’s feces, read:

IT CANNOT BE FLUSHED
IT CANNOT BE FLUSHED
IT CANNOT BE FLUSHED
IT CANNOT BE FLUSHED

Next to the hastily scrawled message, you notice a small window. Trying your best not to vomit, you step into the small room, over the corpse, and peer out. You see now that this shack sits at the edge of a tall cliff. Far below you lies a vast, barren wasteland, sickeningly yellow sands and small hills stretching as far as the eye can see. In the blackened sky above you, galaxies and stars swirl, explode, reform with unnatural speed. But what catches your eye is what lies directly ahead: an unfathomably tall monolith of shit. This fecal column stretches upwards further than you can follow; it also appears to be the source of both the light and the now-deafening droning sound from earlier. It is physically painful to behold, your body screaming at you to look away, but your mind is enthralled. Upon the gargantuan turd’s surface are folds within folds within folds, massive canyons of impossible shapes; every now and then you swear you can see a pained face emerge from one side, but it vanishes as quickly as it appears. Finally unable to withstand it anymore, your eyes burst, and you slump back against the wall. Exhausted, your body’s muscles all loosen, and you feel your pants fill with filth. You feel the jellied remains of your corneas slide down your cheeks and drip onto your chest, but it doesn’t matter; the repugnant glory of the monolith is etched permanently upon your sightless eyes. As you feel your last breath approaching, you reach your hand into your soiled trousers and add your own line to the shit-script on the wall:

THIS IS TOILET TUESDAY

__________

As Toilet Tuesday has consecrated your early week, so also has Tech Death Thursday provided you a needed jolt of energy to push your work week off the cliff. Get your weedily deedily on with Jack as he recounts the tale of First Fragment.

First Fragment is mind meltingly technical without letting themselves get lost in simply being technical. Each of their songs has a clear song structure that is different from the song before it. If you ask me, this band is on another level than most other bands that are at this stage in their career.  Mark my words, their new album is going to make top ten lists.

__________

Our good pal Tyree has also spent a significant amount of time leading you into temptation with fair lady Bandcamp, and his Getting Laid at Bandcamp series has been a hallmark of musical discovery for many toileteers. On the 8th edition of GLAB, Tyree wrote what may have been the quintessential description of the infernal music written by Yhdarl.

There is no comfort, no savior, no help, no hope… There is only suffering and sorrow. Screams and shrieks of torture are echoed and layered upon beautiful distant echoing female chants that complicate and infect my mind. Am I in hell? I feel the usual pain that is sometimes associated with hell, but no… This is different, these screams are driving me insane; they won’t stop. I sense others’ pain and suffering now. It is layered upon my own. It slowly decays my body and eats away at my soul. There is a monster’s voice talking to me now, but… I can’t make it out. It is more distant than the others. WAIT! NO! I hear it much clearer now and it’s so beautiful. The screams of suffering are gone but something doesn’t feel quite right. This monsters voice is chanting now. It sounds ritualistic. I’m ripping off my fingernails. What is going on? I can’t stop this act of self mutilation. OH GOD! OH GOD! NOOOOOO! SATAN! YOU HAVE COME FOR ME! Now I’m screaming with the others and this horror has become monumental. I am now surely in hell, and the suffering is timeless, so I shall make it glorious. These screams no longer bother me. I realize I belong among them. And they are the soundtrack to my misery which I’ve always somehow desired. Around me I see flesh in flames, and the flesh of others is melting into mine; the pain of others has been merged into my own. Lying on a bed of flame while those around me cry for God’s help, I open my mouth for one final scream of agony. A man beside me reaches for me as he is skinned alive, offering comfort as I lay burning and scalped. It is in this very moment that I find I have just finished listening to Ave Maria by Yhdarl. 

__________

Reviews have been a part of our lifesblood here at the ToH; this is only natural and expected for a music blog. We’ve covered a wide swath of bands, from AEvangelist to Visigoth, but one of the most monumental reviews published by ToH came from mad politician Howard Dean. Recall his killer introduction to Memoria Vetusta.

Blut Aus Nord mainman Vindsval has zero interest with the norm. The norm is a place for many bands, but not for Blut Aus Nord. The norm is the current, the pulse of the art, the trend. The norm is inclusive, variable, and amorphous. The norm is the prevailing zeitgeist. It need not be a tangible scene or a self-aware movement aimed and executed in a certain direction. The norm is also the reaction to scenes and trends. The norm is the anti-trend. The norm is embracing the opposite. The norm is reactionary.

__________

We’ve also had some wonderful interview opportunities. Our chats with Luiz Mazetto and Shawn Vriezen were both extremely interesting, but one of our very best interviews was with Doug Moore of Pyrrhon. If you missed it, here’s one of the more intriguing snippets from that conversation.

Edward: Musically, Growth Without End seems like a logical continuation of The Mother of Virtues. Was writing shorter songs a product of writing an extended play rather than a full length album? We have talked before about you being a big fan of Botch, and the intro on “Cancer Mantra” sounds a lot math-ier than your previous material to me. Did you draw from a different set of inspirations on Growth Without End? From some of your previous interviews, I have read Pyrrhon’s influences range from some of the more obvious heavy metal bands i.e. Gorguts, to stuff outside of heavy music like jazz and King Crimson.

Doug: As I see it, Growth Without End draws on the same basic set of influences that producedThe Mother of Virtues, but we approached the writing process very differently. The The Mother of Virtues writing sessions were extremely work-intensive and iterative. We basically had to learn how to play such challenging material as we went, and all of the songs underwent numerous rewrites and revisions before we recorded them. We still felt like we had a lot of creative momentum when we completed the album, but we didn’t want to go through the same draining process again right away. Instead, we challenged ourselves to write as quickly & spontaneously as possible, and to focus on producing short, compact songs. The original idea was to record a whole EP of sub-2-minute grind tunes, which didn’t end up happening, but we still feel like we accomplished our goal with the end product.


Solitary Pieces

In addition to our many outstanding series, we’ve also had some brilliant one-shot runs that have brought critical topics, thoughtful evaluations, and blooming discussions to the table. One of the best of these was easily Max’s recent rally to venerate the merits of the oft-maligned Illud Divinum Insanus.

At this point it needs to be established: Contrary to conventional wisdom, Illud Divinum Insanusis, at the very least, a 50 percent death metal album and 100% a Morbid Angel album. Anybody who ranks it as an artistic misfire on the level of Cold Lake or, say, Lulu, is patently incorrect. The only way it could be that is if Lulu featured a token bunch of songs which sounded like they came from Master of Puppets and Lou Reed wasn’t singing on them.

__________

I’m not sure about you, but I have spent many nights yearning for the return of Stockhausen’s SCP Database entries. Pairing spooky metal with spooky stories? That’s a match made in heck, and this collaboration remains one of the best pieces we’ve posted.

If the world “brutal” describes our first example, then “dark” is what applies to this one. SCP-231 is shrouded in mystery. We know that some sort of cult was involved, and that seven females were rescued when a violent ritual was raided. We know that six of the seven have since died, and the circumstances of each were questionable at best. We know that a certain procedure is essential to the containment of SCP-231-7, and that failure to go by said procedure can result in the birth of something very, very bad. Many SCP files block out sections of text, claiming that data has been redacted or expunged, giving a realistic and officially confidential feel to the piece. This one uses that effect in a masterful way, casting a mysterious shadow over this particular case and leaving a terrifying amount to the imagination. The nature of Procedure 110-Montauk is pretty obvious, but the reasoning, specific results, and details are fascinatingly vague. As if to taunt you even further, the author left a mysterious trail of poetic breadcrumbs in the source code of the page. Spend some time in this one, but don’t be surprised when you find yourself in a dark place.

The accompanying song for this one had to be appropriately horrifying. I probed the depths of the internet and found a track entitled “All the Dread Magnificence of Perversity” by Gnaw Their Tongues. This project is the work of Maurice de Jong, AKA Mories (of Cloak of Altering fame), whose formidable discography boasts dark, twisted interpretations of everything you thought you knew. Gnaw Their Tongues specializes in monumental walls of ghostly, misshapen masses that loom on the horizon, casting sinister shadows much farther than should be possible.  There’s a band in there if you really listen for it, but leagues of blackened noise, tortured screams, and primal fear are standing in your way. Check out the track, and buy the album here.


The Golden Throne

A celebration of our victories would be incomplete without acknowledging our most-read article of all time. The record-setting post is actually officially held by Randall Thor and his examination of the brilliant career of Blind Guardian. Coming in at a whopping 14,000 views, Randall threw down the gauntlet to which the rest of us must aspire.

HAIL, WARRIORS!

The venerable Masterlord Steeldragon and I have had many a discussion about the most grandiose of all genres: power metal. Few genres have such a rich and varied history that can be so clearly explored and discussed. We also noticed a big problem: far too many of you nerds don’t seem to know anything about power metal. We’ve decided to try to educate you losers instead of slamming you into lockers over and over again. Let’s begin with, arguably, the biggest power metal band of them all. I will now present to you the highly revered power metal masters from Germany.

 __________

The Ballad of BDubs Bro

Finally, we must bring special attention to CyberneticOrganism’s award-winning series of short fiction, The BDubs Bro Saga. Through the initial threepart run and two special editions, we’ve laughed and cried along with adventures of a young man with a drinking problem and penchant for Buffalo Wild Wings. Though comparisons can be made to the magic realism of Gabriel Garcia Marquez and the richly detailed characters of Toni Morrison, CyberneticOrganism stands in a literary class of his own.

*iPhone alarm playing Nickelback goes off at 3PM*

*rolls out of bed with head-splitting Saturday afternoon hangover*

*changes out of sleeping basketball shorts into frat logo basketball shorts*

*reaches for unopened can of Keystone Light on nightstand*

UGH, TIME FOR SOME HAIR OF THE DOG, BRO!

*slams full beer minutes after waking up*

*reassures self this is a normal thing to do*

*accepts that not doing so means admitting to being a total poser*

*admires soft, shitty body in stained bedroom mirror…*


Well, that’s enough self-congratulatory reminiscing. Really, we’d like to end this by saying thanks. Thank you for reading. Thank you for commenting. Thank you for sharing articles. Thanks for being there. Having people read the stuff we write is the whole reason we do this, and we look forward to another 1000 posts thanks to you.

If you’re a regular, tell us your favorite post in the comments. If you’re a lurker, say hi. If you’re one of the many underground artists we’ve covered, introduce yourself and let us tell you how awesome you are.

From the bottom of our black hearts, thanks.

 

Did you dig this? Take a second to support Toilet ov Hell on Patreon!
  • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater

    Congrats! I would say more but I have to work at 11. Have a good Memorial Day! Also, here’s a concert to celebrate Memorial Day.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkgZY6z49TQ

  • tertius_decimus

    Eternal gratitude for those in toilet! Such a convenient place to sit on. Congrats!

  • Guacamole Jim

    Lock up your churches and burn down your women! The Toilet is flushing, and none can stop its eternal swirl!

    http://i.imgur.com/E9yNH3k.gif

  • EsusMoose

    Congratulations here’s to another 666 * 1.5015 posts!

    • tertius_decimus

      We have pretty close post quantity to upvote count ratio.

      • EsusMoose

        Wow yeah we’re within less then 50, I almost was at a 4 then I started commenting more and it’s slowly descended.

        • Lacertilian

          siqq, what’s your K/D bro?”

          • EsusMoose

            0 with people, 10,000 with time lizards. Speaking of which I saw your cousin(s) in the new Mad Max, they didn’t last long but acted quite well.

  • Vladimir Poutine

    In The Toilet I trust.

    Thou maketh me to flush all the posers. Thou preparest a beer for me in the presence of mine enemies. My Bandcamp collection runneth over.

    But seriously: I’m super grateful for The Toilet. There’s always interesting stuff to read, some really effing good writing (This Toilet Tuesday in particular), so much great music to discover, and most importantly, a first-rate corps of Toileteers with whom to commiserate. I post pretty rarely and spend most of my time just reading, but regardless, this place and everyone in it rules.

    Long live The Toilet ov Hell.

    • KJM

      So say we all!!

    • RustyShackleford

      ALL HAIL! Well said good sir Poutine, I must say you are delicious and go great with beer….

      http://www.blogto.com/upload/2014/07/201473-poutine.jpg

      • Vladimir Poutine

        I’m at least an improvement over BDubs.

      • Dagon

        I would stab someone right now to get this in me.

        • RustyShackleford

          There’s a BBQ place here that adds pulled pork on top and it is literally the best beer food imaginable!

          • Dagon

            Holy shit that sounds amazing.

            Where is “here”? Are y’all hiring?

          • Vladimir Poutine

            I’ve been doing homework on places to get poutine in Boston. Cannot. Wait. Homemade poutine is decent, but I’ve never gotten any result better than “just okay.”

  • KJM

    I still remember our hapless BDubs Bro attempting to ward off fire by batting at it and yelling “Fuck off, Bro!!”.

    • My favorite was the Halloween edition. Even when I don’t get all the north american jokes I lost everything with this:

      “I THINK IT’S TIME TO SEE SOME SKANKS! YOLO, BRO!”

      *both stand up, shout “OOOOHHHHH!!!” in middle of restaurant*

      “DUDE WHAT IF WE STARTED SAYING BROLO? LIKE BRO AND YOLO TOGETHER?”

      “HA HA HA BRO YOU’RE GONNA BE THE NEXT DANE COOK! BROLO!”

      *exits BDubs & jumps back in F-150*

      *peels out of parking lot at 60mph*

      *drives with a little more pep thanks to the idea of becoming the next Dane Cook*

  • I voted for 60 % of this choices, we’re such a lifeloving democratic bunch.

    #StayToilet

    Thanks for the good moments and yet for the still to come.

    And, to celebrate, here’s my traditional spanish phrase all rant:

    ¡DESCARGUEN A TODOS LOS PÓUSERS POR LA POCETA DEL INFIERNO! ¡LARGA VIDA A LOS GUERREROS DE LA POCETA!

    • KJM

      Lave todos los compositores en el Inodoro Del Infierno !!

  • all hail the Toilet! flushing is my favorite thing to do whilst earning a paycheck
    (no mention of the Flushcast? huehuehue)

    • MoshOff

      COME TO BRASIL

      • Everyone knows that COME TO VENEZUELA is the new COME TO BRASIL. At least, Dagon & Co. have merol shows now. Nobody want to come to play here lol

        • MoshOff

          So Venezuela is kinda like the Spain of South America.

          ENTIENDO TU DOLOR, COMPADRE

        • tertius_decimus

          Link alone can bring tourism in Venezuela to prosperity!

          • Jajajaja!!

            Free food, merol and nature treks for everyone! 😀

      • METAL FUKKBLOOD SATAN OF DEATH EMTAL

        • Mother Shabubu III 12 BRICKS

          Surprised there isn’t a Soulfly song called “Fukkblood” by now.

          • Lacertilian

            There isn’t?!?

      • if my grade-school geography lessons withstand a decade of booze & drug intake… it should be pretty easy to visit you, @dagonthefishgod:disqus, and @linkleonhart:disqus in the same trip.

        • MoshOff

          YES, YES IT SHOULD

          IF YOU OWN A PRIVATE JET

          • I thought we all were a State of México :O

          • Guacamole Jim

            Why’d you high light england bro

          • Stockhausen

            I said “Hahaha.”

          • Guacamole Jim

            I enjoyed a pleasant sensation of validation.

        • Guacamole Jim

          Depending on when you go, I too will be in South America and am intending to make the rounds of the Toilet’s most beautiful..

        • ¡ABAJO LAS FRONTERAS!

          VENEZUELA, BRASIL Y ESPAÑA, JUNTOS COMO HERMANOS EN EL METAL. ¡ADELANTE, MIS GUERREROS DE LA POCETA DEL INFIERNO! SOIS BIENVENIDOS A NUESTRAS CÁLIDAS TIERRAS Y ESTÁN CORDIALMENTE INVITADOS A DESTROZAR LAS CABEZAS DE LOS PÓUSERS.

          https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/55/2d/de/552ddeff3ce244ae6b09064680d1842a.jpg

  • YourLogicIsFlushed

    I’ve read nearly a thousand of these things? I guess I have like 12 new bands to listen to because of it. 12/1000 useful posts isn’t so bad. (In all seriousness that number is much higher. All hail the toilet.)

    • because of the Toilet, i recognize 10x more Grim Kim picks

      • #ThanksToTheToilet I know the difference between Merol and Metal.

        #ThankyouToilet!

        • KJM

          BLACK MEROLLLLL!!!

        • tertius_decimus

          I still don’t. 🙁

          Difficulties of translation.

          • Jajajaja. Merol is the spoken translation of Metal, in spanish 😛

            To get the full experience, you have to blast good merol 200 % volume, put the Black-merol-face.jpg you see in this thread and make invisible melons hand gesture and scream badly: “PIÚR FOQUIN MEEROOOOL!!!”.

            The face says it everything merol, don’t forget it.

          • tertius_decimus

            Now I’m standing here in my room, making that face and the mirror says to me “WHATTA FUKKEN POSAH!!!”.

          • *SMASH THE MIRROR*

            SHÓR-OP, MIRROR! DON’T MESS WITH MEROL!

            *continue making the black-merol-face.jpg staring at the infinite*

          • tertius_decimus

            RRAAAAHHH!!!!

          • *smashes mirror, find the Void behind it
            BRO!!!!!!!!!

          • KJM

            Your mirror is from The Bronx?

          • tertius_decimus

            Far worse. It’s from Eastern Ukraine.

  • I’m a diehard fan of Shirt Stains, Bump N’ Grind, the Groundbreakers series and all dick joke related content.

  • The W.

    Stockhausen’s neck is weirdly long. Dude’s like a giraffe.

  • MoshOff

    The Toilet ov Hell: come for the dick & shit stuff, stay for the metaphysical discussions.

  • TOILET! TOILET! TOILET!

  • KJM

    Thanks to Toilet Of Hell, I discovered that anything can be made better by adding a dickbutt gif.

    http://media.giphy.com/media/pMgFwETMY26He/giphy.gif

    • Guacamole Jim

      This x 1000

      • Dagon

        Guacamole Lord Ov Dickbuttz

  • ALL HAIL THE UNFLUSHABLE MASTER OF THE DERPTHRONE WHO NOW RESTS UPON THE GOLDEN THRONE

  • RustyShackleford

    Fucking forgot about the SCP shit…there goes hours of my time lol. Also that I’ve ALWAYS remembered that Toilet Tuesday entry. Too fucking awesome. Toilet <3. Yep.

    • Guacamole Jim

      Yep.

    • R Shackleford!

      • RustyShackleford

        J McNulty!

  • KJM

    When you play the Game Of Toilets, you either win or get flushed.

    • MoshOff

      You know nothing, Kit Harrington.

      • Guacamole Jim

        Live long and prosper.

      • KJM
        • Vladimir Poutine

          Fuck man. That made me spit tea all over my desk. Good one.

          • KJM

            m/

          • Dagon

            Was it green tea?

          • Vladimir Poutine

            Actually, yes.

          • Dagon

            I can’t tolerate hot tea, but I can do with ice tea and green tea that’s been sitting on the colder part of the fridge.

          • KJM

            Green Tea ice cream FTW.

          • Vladimir Poutine

            Also, green tea shots. If only I could remember the recipe.

          • Vladimir Poutine

            I have to let mine cool a bit. I usually keep a quart of cold-brewed stuff in the fridge also, for hot days.

    • Dagon

      Last night I mentally replaced “his watch is ended” with “his dick was crushed”. Fucken @disqus_kqxyUNPxty:disqus

  • ChuggaChuggaDeedleyDoo

    I am hungover as all hell, so I don’t have anything nice to say. Kill me

  • Scrimm

    Articles are great, community is even better.

    • Toilet ov Hell: I came for the music, stay for the Scrimm <3

      • The W.

        I’ll back that.

      • Scrimm

        Really glad you found your way here.

      • Hot Squirt Of Best Korea Love

        Toilet Ov Hell, where men are men and tendies are law!

    • agreed. all you make believe people are da best! there are other sites out there that have been around longer, but can’t touch the magnitude of Disqus activity around here

  • Stockhausen

    Ahhhh, basking in the warm, humid glow of the Toilet. Cybronetic’s gazing into the abyss series is another favorite.

  • KJM
  • If it’s metal
    Let it mellow.
    If it’s not
    FLUSH IT DOWN!

  • Hey!

    Which one was you favorite Riff ov the Week edition? The one with some debate/song/piece of sound that you enjoyed much?

    My favorites were:

    Bass edition <3 http://www.toiletovhell.com/riff-ov-the-week-bass-edition/

    And solo ov the week II <3 http://www.toiletovhell.com/solo-ov-the-week-ii/

  • I’m listening to that Yhdarl sample from Tyree while reading all these comments and it feels like fucking Christmas.

  • DoYouThinkHeSaurus
  • KJM

    Your jam box is now his, by way of our actions.

  • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

    This is a goood place. Writers and commenters who are actually intelligent, funny and pleasant to chat with, but most of all it makes me excited about metal. I’ve gone from just listening to a few albums from a small pool of bands to wanting to hear as much as I can, go to as many shows as I can and hang out with metal people. And this can only be a goood thing.

    • Vladimir Poutine

      Huzzah!

  • JamesGrimm
  • Dagon

    I would like to take some time and state how much I appreciate everyone’s participation here. I firmly believe in the body of writers of the Toilet (excluding a certain mesopotamian god) but what made this corner of the internet my favorite is definitely the community.

    Thanks for being awesome, or an asshole, or both.

    More so, thanks to the editors for publishing the jibberish I submit after randomly bashing my keyboard. It feels great to have an outlet to discuss what I’m most passionate about – butts and dicks.

    • I still remember that time when you said you #ToiletConfession about penises!

      #DagonFan666

      😀

      • Dagon

        There are a lot of interpretations to what you said, none which I like hahaahah.

  • Mother Shabubu III 12 BRICKS

    I’m not good at conveying thoughts, so here’s a list of them to celebrate the 1000th post:

    -How courteous the photoshopper was to put Joe as R2-D2. On one hand, being R2-D2 means no one can see his wittle handsies. On the other hand, being R2-D2 could be saying his hands are equal in size to the midget hands of the kickable who piloted R2-D2. I continue to bite the little hand that spares me from boredom.

    -I have found a lot of really cool shit through his site, not just music. I think our festering cesspool of cretins make these comment sections some of the best festering cesspools on da webz.

    -I’m not done ragging on Joe. I’m so glad someone took initiative, and made an oasis away from the boring, Babymetal-filled, urine-soaked hellhole that was the site that shall not be named. As well as bringing back the feel of the forums on that other site that shall not be named. For real though, this place is the tits, and the comments are the hands that fondle said tits. Here’s a weeabo-assed comparison: the site that should not be named was Soul Society, Joe, tired of their shit, ascended to Hueco Mundo and created this site. God I hate myself for saying that.

    -Due to my boring, not-so-social-butterfly lifestyle, this site fills several minutes of day with entertainment, and occasionally a nugget of interest, as I stated before.

    So, danke schön.

    • The W.

      I made the cover photo some time ago after a different incident. Glad I finally found a use for it.

      • EsusMoose

        I was wondering because I saw a certain corgi face. I’m guessing a whiff of the week?

      • Maik Beninton

        Oh man it’s you!
        You were on a terrible movie.

      • Vladimir Poutine

        Sweet costume, Jimmy.

    • I don’t understand what any of that means. You’re a damned nerd.

      /but seriously, I’m so glad you enjoy the site. Thanks for being a part of this whole ridiculous thing.

      • Mother Shabubu III 12 BRICKS

        lame Bleach references. Or in this case, a Blecch reference.

    • KJM

      FFB/MS is Sailor Moon. ToH is Space Battleship Yamato.

  • Zeke

    I liked the black metal Christmas series. It filled my heart with Christmas spirit! I think someone should do a stoner doom series for the summer.

    • hehe, yeah and how we all put krampus hats on our avatars!

      • Guacamole Jim

        The times when we all switched our avatars were fantastic. Remember “Be RiotAct666 For a Day” day?

    • Black Metal VS. Christmas is my favorite. I’ll probably read it again next Christmas.

  • KJM

    What if Pingu was not kill?

    • Sir Tapir the Based

      • KJM

        noscoping bitchez on tha daily

  • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    American constitution>Nazis
    (all 3 at once–full vol)
    ——
    -https://youtu.be/EV9kyocogKo

    https://youtu.be/36Srmk7JYlI

    -https://youtu.be/0TOxhzAm7fY

  • Hubert
  • Kevin Nash & Friends

    As a celebration of our 1000th post I am reverting to my original profile for 1 week only. This will be too sweet!

    • cosigned.

      • Kevin Nash & Friends

        I was saving a revival of this profile for a special occasion.

      • Ted Nü-Djent ™

        Does this mean I have to revert back to Johnny Crunch for the week? Actually I think my first disqus handle was LMD666 but I think I only ever used that name once.

    • KJM

      (tears quad)

      • Kevin Nash & Friends

        I tore my quad while typing that.

  • Max

    There have, indeed, been some non-flushable times in this first millennium of the Toilet.

    Although I don’t usually leave comments on This Toilet Tuesday (usually a bit late for the party anyway), that column has now become my only internet source for discovering new metal music. I almost literally click on every link in the alphabetical list provided. It was kind of a New Year’s Resolution to discover new music rather than just wallowing in the Gen-Xer past like I usually do with my listening habits. It’s a lot of work sorting the wheat from the chaff, but you WILL discover some gems using the method. So whoever’s compiling all that is doing a bang-up job.

    In fact, TovH, overall, is the only place I go for metal news. I do still occasionally visit MetalSucks for more frivolous clickbait, and Invisible Oranges for the odd think-piece when they have one. But besides that, it’s flushing all the way.

    Congratulations to Thrash’n’kill and his partners in crime for making it this far and I have absolutely no doubt that we’ll see at least another 1000 posts and beyond. I personally would NEVER have the skill set, initiative, devotion, or perseverance to drive an enterprise like this, so I can only watch on in awe – and chip in my occasional two cents, naturally.

    Pure radness.

    • Hey, I missed you!

      Also, the one who make all this hard work of compile the music in the This Toilet Tuesday column is the Popular and Handsome @disqus_4cmy05mgrZ:disqus

      You’re one of my favorite users here, Max. You rule, never forget it!

      • Max

        Aw, cheers Link! You rule too. And Spear is indeed to be commended.

  • Maik Beninton
  • Th’load&th’road

    Okayden, old fart lurker/trucker chiming in with just a big ol’ THANK YA to all who post and comment. So much great music that I’d have never known about without ya! And even though I’d love to say its all about the music, even when I don’t dig some of the weedlie deedlies I STILL stick through and read entire comments sections to nearly every post…so the community and comic relief for an old metalhead on the road a lot is priceless. “A treasure trove of metal and goobers” is how I’ve described it to my wife jajajajajajaja 😉 Also I saw Valkyrie this weekend in Charlottesville Va and they were very good, but the big surprise tender juicy nugget was hearing Salvaticus, a very listenable black merol-ish band with great songwriting and dynamics, and a sincere metal passion that was entirely lost on the frat boys and Valkyrie cheerleaders in attendance. Check em on bandcamp if you’re so inclined. Peace, Love, and Devil Music flushketeers!! m/ here’s to 1000 and 1000 more

    • The W.

      Greetings!

      • Th’load&th’road

        Thanks Doc Dubs

    • Metal truckers unite!

      • Th’load&th’road

        Haha you have the trucking problem too? Been at it 19 years now….the guy from Elder referred to me as “The Doom Trucker” during a convo after their Charlotte show. Sometimes it feels like doom for real- staying on the east coast these days to stay near the Mrs. and my 13 yr old stepnut. I miss the big west!! (Montana, Wyo, etc) but hey I been able to catch more and better shows in Brooklyn and Boston and Charlotte and Richmond etc so pros for cons hehe

        • Hit me up when you plan on attending a charlotte show and I’ll buy you a beer

          • Th’load&th’road

            Ayyyyyy and I’ll get the 2nd round good sir! Might be there for the geriatric punk show w/GBH and Total Chaos on June 12th and/or metal alliance tour June 20th, both at Tremont. Definetly trying to make the Taake show in Asheville even though it’s associated with that dastardly blog that shall not be named…

          • If you’re free Friday, there’s a fun local fest going on at the Chop Shop. mostly leans punk, with some of the cores thrown in there (not the bad ones) https://www.facebook.com/events/754385708012142/

          • Th’load&th’road

            Hey thanks man, but I won’t be home from working in time to get down there- I live about 3 hours from Charlotte in VA. ;(

          • Alrighty man, keep in touch

        • “Doom Trucker” would make either a very badass or very silly tattoo.

          Been at it two years myself, driving a beer truck in AZ. I miss New England sorely.

        • Th’load&th’road

          Haha what a wacky world- you miss New England (I was in Boston yesterday) and I miss AZ! For 2 years the wife and I kept our motorcycle stored in Phoenix and took our time off there to ride year round. Sedona, Prescott, Superior, Jerome…what I wouldn’t give for a chorizo and eggs at the old diner in Globe or the little shack in Prescott!

          • I can see how it would be possible to miss the towns you mentioned but Phoenix should be sucked into a black hole. Yesterday, if possible.

            (There are some damn fine microbreweries here, though . . .)

          • Th’load&th’road

            We used Phoenix as home base for convenience for trucking and such, and would immediately leave as soon as the motorcycle cranked. So I know what ya mean. But at least ya ain’t gotta mow grass! Beer truck in the Phoenix summer sounds like a paddlin’! Here in Appalachia we have micro breweries too, deep in the woods, staffed by old men in coveralls….hiding from the popo and “squeezing all their luck from a hot copper wire” haha

    • Scrimm

      “A treasure trove of metal and goobers” – Not a bad description.

    • He said “merol” :’)

      Welcome, fellow road warrior!

      Good vibes.

      • Th’load&th’road

        Well of course I said “merol” it’s your world Link, I’m just living in it 😉 jajaja #link4prez2016

  • Oli Fucking Sykes, Son.

    Bit late to the punch, but happy B-Day Toilet. May you have another 1000 posts in your long life.
    All hail the flush.

  • KJM
  • Man, it seems just like yesterday when we made the exodus from the accursed lands. I’m happy to have read this website and written a few articles. This was a nice read after today. I had my university orientation and just about killed myself with all the walking I did. To give some perspective, I walked more today than I do in about three months. This is why I’m fat. Huzzah!

    • HAIL, FELLOW COUNT OV DARKNESS. RISE WARRIOR AND..

      I rant out of words, I just wanted to tell you that I like you! jajaja

  • Hot Squirt Of Best Korea Love

    Congrats!

  • JW(E)G

    I just realized I used up my 2001th post earlier today to add nothing at all of relevance to this conversation. It should have been something big. And given the number, properly Monolithic.

    *commences ominous buzzing/chanting sounds*

    http://www.geberit.de/master/content/media/global_media/countries/products/sanitary_systems/geberit_monolith/img_bathroom_5_B_monolithplus_1955483_width_725_height_590.jpg

    • KJM

      My God, it’s full of toilets!!!

    • That’s a magnificent toilet, sir.

  • Hot Squirt Of Best Korea Love

    Lol, though, those Bdubs Bro articles are nothing like Gabriel Garcia Marquez! Dunno if you were joking or not.

    • Hahahaha, I added it in as a joke.

      • Hot Squirt Of Best Korea Love

        Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

  • J.R.

    Happy 1000, Toilet. I told my buddies but they didn’t care to the degree I felt they should.

    These articles are always the shining points in my day. I thank those of you who slave away at crafting these great articles, for without you…well there would be no us.

    Flush on and flush strong.

  • Pagliacci is Kvlt O)))

    Hey, check out that clown front and center!

    • Kevin Nash & Friends

      He looks silly.

  • Kevin Nash & Friends

    I have discovered a kind of funk which is the best and most extreme funk ever made by a white guy. It sounds like a horror movie set in New Orleans. For all who are unfamiliar with Dr. John here is one of his songs. It’s like voodoo pulsating through my body.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kWvdO3l4_P8

    • KJM

      This is one of the first albums I ever owned.

      • Kevin Nash & Friends

        It’s good shit. He’s doing a free show in Central Park. I might go.

        • KJM

          You should if you can.

    • KJM

      Dr John is voodoo swamp music.

  • Ted Nü-Djent ™

    Well done toileteers, my wallet doesn’t thank you but I have discovered a heap of cool music and gotten to know a bunch of rad dudes (and dudettes) in the process going back to the initial RHRC days. Love xxoo

  • Grease Sells… But Who’s Frying

    IMHO, this is the best toilet themed music site on the entire interwebs…

    But seriously, ToH has changed my music listening experience over the last 10 months, in a number of ways. Big thanks to everyone who’s contributed.

    The tyranny of time zones make it hard to be more than a full time lurker/part time commenter, but as long as the toilet’s flushing, I’ll be skulking in the corner with shitty GIFs and a punctuation fetish, listening to whatever crazy noise you point my battered ears towards…

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      Where you at?

      • Grease Sells… But Who’s Frying

        Australia. Same as you, right?

        • Ted Nü-Djent ™

          I thought you were, where abouts? NSW Central Coast for mine

          • Grease Sells… But Who’s Frying

            South East Queensland.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            Well there you go. Are you in the Facebook group?

          • Grease Sells… But Who’s Frying

            No. I’ve thought about it, but I’m a social media amateur and I think the time zone difference would be a hindrance.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            it’s actually the opposite. There’s more interaction there than on here and all manner of discussions are on the table. It’s pretty cool.

          • Grease Sells… But Who’s Frying

            Interesting. I’ll look into it later, see if I can *swallows bile* bring myself to join The Book of Faces…

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            Join us

          • Grease Sells… But Who’s Frying

            Alright… I’ll drink the Kool-Aid…

          • Lacertilian

            I did what Joe described below. Just use a fake name/details if you have to.
            Hate FB but I use it for the group, definitely worth it.

            https://youtu.be/hoSt63qlUW0?t=1m25s

          • Grease Sells… But Who’s Frying

            I didn’t know they allowed it, but I just used the same details as my Disqus/Google+ profile and it worked.

            Also, early Slayer is the best Slayer…

          • It’s fun! And if you’re not sure about joining Facebook, you can always just create a burner account with fake info so you don’t have to deal with folks you know IRL.

          • Grease Sells… But Who’s Frying

            Thanks. The deed is done.

          • Zeke

            do you know if conversations in the facebook group are private? meaning, if I post something in the facebook group would it show up in all of my freinds’ feeds?

          • It’s a closed group so convos don’t appear to folks who aren’t in the group. Thank the lawd.

          • Zeke

            Ok, so you seem to get where I’m coming from

    • tertius_decimus

      Cool nickname! I laugh out loud. 😀

  • Lacertilian

    Masterlord’s combating Christmas was yet another great series that deserves some plugging. Great to read and listen to.
    http://www.toiletovhell.com/its-kvlt-outside-combating-christmas-music-no-4/

  • IronLawnmower

    Man when I first joined this place I was scared about sixth form and growing up. Now I’m a druggy waster who spents his study periods reading the terlet instead of working. Now I’m off school for like 3 months. Everyones a winner.

  • Beau Kemp

    I’m the new burger on the block. Been lurking the toilet a while, nice site to learn some new things and find new metal. At first glance I thought it might be one of those places where idiots post nonsense so much you can’t get in any decent communication. Turns out there seems to be a good group of folks here that share my love for metal, witty conversation, and funny Gifs.
    Still trying to figure out this damned disqus though.

  • Oscar Aguiar

    Hi