Toilet Ov Hell shirts now available!

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You asked for ’em, and now we’ve got ’em.

To celebrate Toilet Ov Hell’s first birthday, we’re proud to unveil our first t-shirt design to all you loyal flushers who keep the internet’s finest porcelain throne running smoothly.

Here’s a closer look at the supremely badass design from Lauren Gornik:

TOHshirtdesign_700Witness the unfathomable horrors of Hell’s infernal outhouse

There are two options to gird your loins with Toilet goodness: a high quality American Apparel print in sizes Small through Extra Large, and a budget Fruit of the Loom option that offers additional sizes. Choose your poison and rep your favorite heavy metal blog at bars, shows, funerals, and bar mitzvahs.

Face it: you want one of these. This offer is available for a very limited time. Stab here to order.

Did you dig this? Take a second to support Toilet ov Hell on Patreon!
  • Kevin Nash & Friends

    Damnit, I’m an XXL.

    • Void Dweller

      Start doing push-ups and stop eating.

      • Kevin Nash & Friends

        I like food so much though!

        • Void Dweller

          Well, there’s your problem.

        • KJM

          You won’t like Diabetes or heart disease.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            DIE’BEETUS

          • KJM

            One of my best friends has it, and he’s not even that fat. He just has a shitty diet and doesn’t get enough exercise.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Yeah it can happen. Exercise is a must.

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            Off topic but did you see Battleground last night? It was very good.

          • KJM

            I don’t have The Network, but I heard Taker came back. I’ll watch tonight. I figured KO wouldn’t get the US Belt, but his ride is just starting.

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            He did and the setup for Taker/Lesnar II at Wrestlemania 32 has begun.

          • KJM

            They’ve already confirmed that it’s happening at Summerslam.

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            Goddamnit, now I HAVE to buy Summerslam tickets,

          • Suck Me While I Poo

            My dad has it, mainly from his weight going up and down on a constant basis.

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            I’ve actually been eating less lately. I don’t really have time to go to the gym because of work and because of that I can’t get there often.

          • just think, come april of next year, you can drink most of your meals!

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            Yay! I probably won’t drink too much but when I do I’ll do it right.

          • KJM

            Fuck the gym. Get a cheap stepper machine and do 30 minutes a day at least 4 days a week(if not every day) at home while you watch TV or listen to tunes.

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            I have a membership though. I can’t just cancel it.

          • KJM

            Get there when you can, but don’t blow off exercising because you can’t get there.

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            You have a point.

          • KJM

            I’m not just saying this to hear myself talk. I’ve done it. I went from 225 to 190 and from a 40 waist to a loose 36 in a few months just from cardio.

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            I have some cardio to do. I’m very heavy but I want to change it. I’m inspired to go do some running.

          • KJM

            I can’t run because my ankles are bad, and a stepper machine gives you cardio year round regardless of weather.

      • KJM

        Cardio.

      • Pagliacci is Kvlt
    • DCLXVI

      dude they have like 3XL size?

      • Kevin Nash & Friends

        It says small to XL.

    • we you you like your shirts extra-large to go with your JNCO jeans and wallet chain 😉

      • Kevin Nash & Friends

        Jimmy plz! JNCO jeans are too expensive and wallet chains are useless!

  • DCLXVI

    BOUGHT

    • Pagliacci is Kvlt

      Same. Sprang for the swanky American Apparel and everything.

      • Suck Me While I Poo

        I’m gonna have to settle for the FOL kind, if my budget allos it. Knowing my luck, they’ll all be sold out by that point, and I’ll have to wipe away my tears with Stone Cold 3:16 shirts from the dumpster.

  • Maik Bozinton™

    Awesome.
    Can I get one signed by Papa Joe?

  • DCLXVI

    will there be option for a WHITE shirt plz too ???

    • Maik Bozinton™

      White is not trve kvlt.

      • DCLXVI

        this is poser central brah what you talkin about?

    • If everyone is happy with this service we’re using, it’ll be super easy to get limited runs of shirts off the ground. I’d be into a white one (due to stupid TX heat).

      • Bozamole Jim

        My band made white shirts, because every other metal band ever does black shirts, and they looked hella awesome.

        Problem was, nobody could wear them, because the instant you did you magically became a disgusting slob at eating, and somehow dripped mustard on it. Didn’t matter if you were eating mustard or not, mustard made it onto that shirt.

        I’d totally buy a white shirt tho

      • KJM

        I only go out at night during the Summer so it doesn’t matter to me.

        • Suck Me While I Poo

          I wear my sunglasses at night. And absolutely nothing else.

          • KJM

            You must end up in drunk tanks a lot. ^_^

          • Suck Me While I Poo

            That and walking the wrong way naked on the train tracks.

      • Lacertilinger

        White shirts + Australia go good.
        Will purchase.

    • Suck Me While I Poo

      Wee-oo wee-oo, life lover detected!

      http://media.giphy.com/media/m9rMVyKactNK/giphy.gif

  • Bozamole Jim

    I’m so excited about this I made a graphical rendition of what it’ll look like when I get mine (refresh):

  • Boz Nü-Djent ™

    Delivery to Aus?

    *EDIT* YESSSSS

    • Lacertilinger

      Got 4 on the way.
      Was AU$126

      • Ted ‘Toth’ Nü-Djent ™

        Ha, you maniac

        • Lacertilinger

          One for me and 3 mates.
          One dude is a 2XL though so his cost more and made the delivery dearer.

  • Bitter (Tyree) Debra
  • KJM

    I can almost hear my credit card screaming “NOOOOOOO!!!”.

  • CyberneticOrganism

    Bought one for literally every person I know, even my grandma. That’s how kvlt it is.

  • Suck Me While I Poo
    • KJM

      You just can’t beat the swag of a good DuCreux meme.

      • Suck Me While I Poo

        Yep yep! He’s my homie!

  • dat artwork…

  • I didn’t realize there were two different options when I ordered because I don’t read directions. I’ll be going full balla with the non fruit of the loom version.

    • KJM

      Me too, livin’ large.

      • Disgustache

        I’m livin’ medium.

        • KJM

          I used to live xtra large, but then I lost weight.

          • Disgustache

            Grats.

          • KJM

            I’ve gained some back but I’m in the process of losing it again.

  • Holy shit, that is NICE!

  • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

    Ordered. I’m stoked for this. Wearing this shirt’s gonna feel like victory. Sweet, sweet, nerd victory. Thank you Joe, W, all you beautiful Bastards ov the Bowl!!

    • Disgustache

      But then you’ll be covering your nipple up!

  • Celtic Frosty

    Is the Fruit of the Loom option one of those really thick shirts? Cause I ain’t down with that shit, living in TX and all.

    • Celtic Frosty

      Fuck it, I just bought the AA one.

      • #yolo

      • MoshOff

        -“My name is Frosty and I’ve been Metalsucks-free for a year now.”

        -“HI, FROSTY”

    • The Fish Boz

      That’s why I bought AA. I had a fruit of the loom t shirt that made me faint bc dehydration.

      I’m down with their undies though.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Thick shirts <<<<<<<<<<

      • Celtic Frosty

        Yet almost every metal shirt I own is like that.

        • CyberneticOrganism

          To keep you warm perhaps? You do have Frosty in your name.

  • Jormungandr

    Holy shit we’re all gonna look so good in these!

    • Bozamole Jim

      We need to take pictures, and then shoop them into one huge group photo to pretend we all know each other in real life.

      • MoshOff

        That won’t be massively time-consuming and entertaining at all.

  • The Fish Boz

    To the international readers, any international shipping is 5.99 USD. Not a bad price at all to ship to Bhutan.

  • Stanley

    I’m not sure what it is (does anyone know what it is), but it’s awesome and I’m having one. I’ll be proud to sport Hell’s Infernal Outhouse.

    • Maik Bozinton™

      I tried to see a toilet on it, but failed.

      • OldMetalHead

        It’s an OSOH (Old School Out House). Instead of the traditional moon, looks like we have an inverted pentacle 🙂

      • CyberneticOrganism

        An outhouse in hell with a nightmare tentacle demon inside is way classier

    • it’s a new record label that @tyreegearhart:disqus is going to start using because the other ones became too mainstream

    • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

      It’s an outhouse with a hellspawn demon-creature inside it, and a crescent moon behind it. In hell, natch.

      • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

        Oh and it’s on fire cuz, well, hell n’such.

        • Stanley

          It has skulls and a serpent and pentagram and horns and stuff. m/.

    • The Fish Boz

      No one knows what it means but it’s provocative.

      • CyberneticOrganism

        If you can fight the thing behind the door, you can shit in there.

        That’s what it means.

  • RustyShackleford

    Fuck Yes. AWESOME design, Papa Joe wasn’t lying when he said it would be dope. Def going for the high quality, hopefully the small doesn’t shrink too much, although I am a small boy so if it does it’s ok. Yep.

    • The Fish Boz

      I always thought you were a big boy for some reason, and now you say you are a small boy. Life is full of surprises.

      • it is: did you know that i’m also Bunk Moreland and Rhonda Pearlman?

        • The Fish Boz

          I didn’t know. Since we’re all telling the truth, I’m not really a Mesopotamian god. Sorry, guys.

          • MoshOff

            And I’m not really Mexican.

          • The Fish Boz

            FUKKEN LIAR

            At least there’s still Link.

          • MoshOff

            I get a feeling he isn’t really an elf either. Rough day, buddy.

          • I’m a half-elf. I have pointy ears still.

          • MoshOff

            True enough. This is all Molenaar’s fault anyway.

          • do they ship to Venezuela? if not, i’ll hand-deliver one myself via hoveround!

          • KJM

            Don’t worry, you’ll always be Mexican to your friends in The US!!! ^_^

      • RustyShackleford

        Nah, I’m only 5’2 and pretty skinny, like 110 lbs maybe last I checked. Let’s just say my head is at perfect elbowing height when I’m in the pit lol DAMN ALL YOU REGULAR SIZED PEOPLE!

    • Disgustache

      American Apparel shirts don’t shrink. They’re fucking awesome and worth the money, even if they do hire ugly ass models.

  • RustyShackleford

    Wait serious question what’s the ETA on delivery cause in a month I’m gonna be up at college

  • Stanley

    I can’t wait for Friday’s Shirt Stains.

  • Suck Me While I Poo

    So you won’t be able to order any more after the 9 days? Gah, I’m gonna have to reconfigure my budget here by such time if that’s the case, and if that’s even possible.

    • It requires that we do this in time-limited runs. I still have the design so I can have them print more in the future though.

      • Suck Me While I Poo

        Sweet! *wipes sweat from my brow*

      • KJM

        I’m still glad I got it now. I’ll wear it at the High On Fire and Weedeater shows. ^_^

  • Disgustache

    When does the Shirt Stains article on Toilet ov Hell merch come out?

    • Herr Schmitty

      You laugh, but the first thing 365 said when he saw the design was: “Guess I got a new Shirt Stains to write.”

      • Disgustache

        I think this design is fucking awesome. The outhouse with tentacles? Classic.

        • CyberneticOrganism

          Agreed. LG is a monster ov illustration.

    • Suck Me While I Poo

      After we all build up copious and pervasive amounts of sweat, mayo and mustard stains on the shirts.

      • mustmayostardayonnaise?

        • Suck Me While I Poo

          Battle stains!

      • Disgustache
        • Bitter (Tyree) Debra

          Amanda Peet Scene >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

          You know which one.

          • Disgustache

            I, uh… Studied it a lot last night. You know, for research.

          • Herr Schmitty

            All of them. I didn’t get ‘celeb crushes’ much as a kid, but I had one on her after watching this movie.

            Punch my teeth out, sugar!

          • Disgustache

            I fucking love Amanda Peet. You guys know, though. We already covered this in a thread last week. I still have a boner.

          • Howard Dean

            Byah!

          • Suck Me While I Poo
  • Scrimm

    Fuck only 9 days to order?? And I have rent and everything else coming up. So broke right now.

    • Disgustache

      I just spent $125 on a new piercing like a dipshit, and now I have $19 to spend on a t-shirt?!

      • Scrimm

        I’ve been mostly buying stuff for the new place. Lucky for me I loaned a friend the money for a show a while back so he’s supposed to comp me for ones coming up the next 2 weeks.

      • Howard Dean

        Pro tip: Never spend money on piercings.

        • Disgustache

          So I can spend money on the shit to clean out my infection later?

          • Howard Dean

            Nah, just don’t get them. Buy steak tips and war metal albums instead.

        • trve. my nephew will pierce anything you want for a dimebag.

          • Howard Dean

            Hear hear. And I’ve heard of dudes doing it for less. Homie standing out in front of Wendy’s will do it for a Baconator.

    • Suck Me While I Poo

      I asked that, and Joe said he’s got the prints, so there will be more down the line.

  • Howard Dean

    Confession: I don’t even wear band shirts, so I probably wouldn’t wear this shirt either. But that is a sweet shirt design. Well done.

    • Suck Me While I Poo

      Confession: this will be the first piece of clothing any of us have worn.

    • fun fact: Rush fans are unaware of the rule that a concert-goer shouldn’t wear a t-shirt of the band that he/she is currently seeing.

      • KJM

        I never follow that silly rule. However, I don’t own a Rush shirt(surprising I know).

      • Le Tapir The Based

        Is that an American thing? I’ve never heard of that rule.

    • Scrimm

      Damn, never? That’s about all I own, Other than a few horror moview shirts.

      • Howard Dean

        Nope, never wear them.

        I have bought them before (at a show when I wanted to support the band and already owned all the records they were selling), but I don’t wear them.

        • Scrimm

          That’s cool, I often think about retiring them, but I would honestly be completely lost as to how to dress.

  • Is that a goddamn outhouse?

    **FLUSH**

  • Dubzlinger, Malandro Slayer

    Coming soon: ToH button-ups and sweater vests. Blasphemy for the business professional.

  • Serious question:

    What means this, “a high quality American
    Apparel print in sizes Small through Extra Large, and a budget Fruit of
    the Loom option that offers additional sizes”?

    Are two different brands of shirts? Is the material or something like that?

  • J.R.™

    Perfect! I’m measuring myself later today anyways so I’ll be able to get that perfect Toilet Fit!

  • sweetooth0

    Nice, snagged one of these bad boys!

  • J.R.™

    Are the size measurements (in inches or whatever) the circumference at the waist? shoulders? I’m not too knowledgeable about these things.

  • DCLXVI

    the selfie thread on facebook when these start to hit mailboxes is gonna be off the chain brah!!!

  • Drewcifer

    Celebrating the ToH with a sick Lovecraftian Outhouse!? Yes Please!

  • Suck Me While I Poo
  • Nineinchneurosis

    Hey any chance for a patch edition?

    • I bet I can get patches set up for a future run.

      • Nineinchneurosis

        Definitely buying one anyway, but yeah, I’d love a patch.

  • Vladimir Poutine

    Ordered. The world shall know of our dorkitude.

  • CT-12

    I was hesitant about getting a shirt because I like how small and intimate this blog is, but after seeing how cool that design was, I had to buy it. Stoked for it’s arrival! (hopefully when I wear it only cool people see it or people just think it’s a band)

  • Óðinn

    😉

    • CyberneticOrganism

      GAH!