Toilet Humor: Disqus Greatest Hits

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Disqus is a fierce but fickle mistress: best friend when it works, enemy when it doesn’t show new comments (will the nerds who work for the company EVER figure out how to attach an image without requiring us to refresh? It would save GL a novel’s worth of keystrokes). The one thing upon which we can all agree is that Disqus is the tool that brought us all together! Whereas we were once disparate beings traversing the wastelands of the intarweb in search of good articles about merol, Disqus allowed us to receive notifications upon new replies and provided a metric to which we can measure our comments’ worth by the number of upvotes versus the number of downvotes (though nobody downvotes in the Toilet, so you’ll have to look to other websites for those…)

I’ve often called The Toilet ov Hell “the funniest website out there” and I mean it. It’s not just the authors and editors who make it such, it’s the commentors who throw in their valuable contributions at the end of each article. Though we all were getting to know each other prior to the Toilet’s creation, we’ve all become good friends in the past year. Yes we take jabs at each other, but one visit to the TovH Facebook page will show you that it’s all in good fun. And after a year of all that flushing (with nary a clog miraculously), combined with my 5-star detective skills and a creepy affinity for screen-capturing select discussions, I present to you… Disqus Greatest Hits Vol. 1! Press play and listen to one of my top 10 songs of all time whilst you read.


So I know I just finished telling you that we all take jabs at each other, but you will now see how incorrect that I was. Every now and then somebody will make a mistake in the TovH; but it is the job of the other commentors to make sure he/she feels wronged for it.

stuff_they_life_modified

Worry not, the man known as Edward isn’t without flaw…

peaked

BTW, who was this Cyrollan character? I’m just glad he’s gone.


Does anybody remember a time before Link Leonhart joined the Toilet? Neither do I, and why would I want to? He’s the best thing to happen to all of us. THE BEST THING.

link_dean

Link_intact_and_sexy


I need to make a special section for one of THE most infamous commentors of all: Jannitor Jim Duggan (who often changes identities, also known as Ahmed Johnson and Eddie Trunk Jr.). Aside from being everyone’s friend, he is a walking encyclopedia of music that’s older than myself, a connoisseur of delicious food (completely srs), and occasionally a master trickster who’s skills slip past even the best detective on the Toilet:

JJD - plantains

texas_roadhouse

JJD’s presence has been so integral over the past year, even in his absence the legacy lives on:

i_sure_would


Power User. The mere mention of such a phrase can evoke the feelings about only one individual. We all know the Toilet’s #1 Power User, and I will use the following real estate to validate said position:

 cattle_decap

And whatever you do, make sure he is around when you post:

GL_being_absent

LOLZ, amirite?


The next couple are purely random. Please read and enjoy:

infinite witches

Joe (The Creator) adding an hilarious comment, typed with his averaged-sized hands,
about Kansas’s best unsigned band Bummer

support_local_bands

Stockhausen knows a thing or two about touring bands…

dimesland

W and DeadButtDreaming adding hilarious quips about Dimesland...
Prior to the tragic news about Drew Cook  …FUCK… 🙁

scrimm_VH

There is no humor to be found in this quip.
I just want to make my mark in history:
that Scrimm likes a portion of a Van Halen song.


Novelty accounts… or are they? Since day one the Toilet has been blessed with the presence of one M. Shadows (amongst others); but I ask one question:  how did we get so lucky? Maybe it’s because we aren’t so lucky at all, but that the Toilet happens to be the best merol blog on the Intarwebs: What else can explain how we get visits from the likes of zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, Reposted Avenged Sevenfold Fan, DoYouThinkHeSaurus, and most recently the Cavemen?

happy_zzzzzzzzzzzz

M_Shadows_Guitarzan2112

The hero with a heart of gold…


So I know we have discussed this before, and I’m about to hammer the point home again: if you’re a fan of the Toilet ov Hell, feel free to join in our Disqusions! This site values community over any other attribute — even metal! These are just some of the most LOL-worthy blurbs after a year of operation… imagine what we can accomplish after another year of accruing new members! (Which also means some of you have to get busy practicing screen-capturing things.)

And here is where I want to leave you with today: an absolutely valuable part of the comments sections involves the ability to leave relevant GIF images to the discussion. And there is nobody — NOBODY more talented than our very own Tyree at the aforementioned task. What follows is an animated GIF that I do not understand; but one which I view every night, several times, before I say my prayers* and go to bed:

bologna hotdog

* to Satan, of course.

Did you dig this? Take a second to support Toilet ov Hell on Patreon!
  • Brock Samson

    Found this beauty when I was driving yesterday.

    • MoshOff

      Vinhell, anyone?

    • KJM

      “Passphrase?”

      “JOHN BONHAM ROCKS”

  • KJM

    Welp, they say famous deaths come in 3s. First Christopher Lee, then Ornette Coleman, and now Dusty Rhodes.

    • Kevin Nash & Friends

      Don’t bring it up. I miss the American Dream already.

  • JJM,

    Killer write up man! I thoroughly enjoyed laughing along while reading.

    Fine work saving all these images!

    GL

  • dammit, I knew I shouldn’t have told jimmy the comments here were funny

  • “What are you doing in that Toilet blog, Link?”.

    “Nothing, ma, just chilling and drinking my milk!”.

    “Oh, that’s ok, you’re a good Link”.

  • Guacamole Jim

    I laughed heartily. Love all you little rascals. Have some Dickbutt.

    http://i.imgur.com/Dxs1yv8.gif

  • Maik Beninton
    • how did i miss dis? Damn it is good!

      GL

    • EsusMoose

      I forgot about Buttzocles, whoever ran that account for those few days, good job!

    • That was the best. Loved Beargod telling Janitor that he don’t have to apologize in the middle of a coal roll. And the obnoxious derivations of the RoS album name, jajajaja.

      • Kevin Nash & Friends

        Remember, I am part Canadian so I felt a need to apologize.

        • You’re a world citizen, my friend. You’re more than welcome to enjoy our food and being part of our primitive culture here in Venezuela.

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            Yay! Can I have some plantains now? I want some after seeing them at the wing place yesterday. They were fried and now I’m hungrier.

          • D: I need plantains, I haven’t buyed in weeks.

            Of course you can, bro!

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            Yay!

        • So that is your problem. It all makes sense now!

          *tries to make a joke about Canadians for Joe*

          /sorry

          GL

          • eh? 😀

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            Of course that was the problem. Us Canadians apologize for everything. I personally apologize for that dickwad Lance Storm as well as some of the abominations of music that came from here. At least we gave the world Rush, Chilliwack, Triumph, Prism and April Wine.

          • And Guacamole Jim!

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            Agreed.

          • KJM

            “If I can be serious for a minute”…

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            I still hate him. He made Jim Duggan turn on America for his shitty Canada stable in WCW. Fuck him.

          • KJM

            I would love to have gotten high with Hacksaw and Iron Sheik back in the day.

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            That would have been fun. Duggan is a very nice man. He’s the nicest WWF guy not named Mick Foley.

    • This is not of the same quality… but here you go: http://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2014/11/19/365012163/take-the-plunge-into-world-toilet-day

      It was our World Toilet Day trolling. It was fun

      #ripjimgordan

      GL

      • “your sentiment is nice but not applicable”

        • all hail Seagoat!

          • What’s that? sorry I was busy lurking around the dark web

          • All Hail McNulty. See me new profile picture? 😀

          • whoa!! i’m finally famous

          • It’s just so everyone thinks the rubbish I’m saying is coming from you. I like the way you’re smiling with a thumbs up. It’s a black metal shirt, you need to look like you’re constipated and going m/. Kos thats KVLT

          • obvs i’m trying to ruin Ethernal’s image!!

          • Yeah man, you told everyone i use `google + and hang around in dark web chat rooms. That stuff was private

          • trve. Google+ is pretty embarrassing.

          • I dunno, I met you there

          • Sir Tapir the Based™

            Have you guys ever kissed? Because you should.

          • I was gonna say this looks like a real bromance.

          • he’s like my top lastfm listener so he’s top of my to stalk list

    • Stockhausen

      We prevailed so hard that day.

      • Your commenting was top notch, man. Easily your best work!

        GL

        • Stockhausen

          Thank you kindly. We were all on point that day.

    • Mother Shabubu III 12 BRICKS

      BRUH.

      Up-voting all my floating turd-buddies ov the Turlet on dis bitch now.

    • Mother Shabubu III 12 BRICKS

      Also, I hope Buttzocles, Ignatius’ Disciple migrates over to the Toilet.

      • Maik Beninton

        He actually has comments here, but hasn’t showed up ever since.

        • Mother Shabubu III 12 BRICKS

          I am saddened by this news
          His clever prose I will miss
          With dankness they ooze
          Now I am off to piss

    • Ah the memories. What will the 2015 gathering look like?

  • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    ornette coleman
    portrait of taste/ balanced thought/full ability to carry out ideas—–astral group travel—–cinematic peak archetypes

    all 3 at once full vol


    -https://youtu.be/Lbt9DDolcag
    https://youtu.be/0e67IqMoz4M

    -https://youtu.be/MUtxy6ddiHc

    • Guacamole Jim

      zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, you’re great. Please don’t leave us.

    • Stockhausen

      Two Sun Ra tracks and an Ornette Coleman song at the same time would wreck my already feeble grasp on reality.

      • Kevin Nash & Friends

        Sun Ra was truly revolutionary. He had the answers to questions that have yet to be asked.

        • Sir Tapir the Based™

          Whaaaat? I can’t accept that you listen to something good!

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            I love Sun Ra. I also love Charles Mingus, Miles Davis and John Coltrane. Black Saint and The Sinnner Lady is the best jazz album ever.

  • Hubert

    ToH is a pretty cool website.

    For an SJW blog.

  • Alex P.

    I’m back after a stint of homelessness/no internet access. Nice to see things are still moving here. It is by far my favorite website ever to exist and this is the primary reason.

    • Stockhausen

      That sounds intense. Welcome back!

    • BACK IN THE SADDLE AGAAAAAAINNNNN, YOU’RE BBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!

      Welcome back!

      Also, fuck Aerosmith.

      GL

    • BACK TO THE FRONT!

      Bienvenido de vuelta.

  • The W.

    That cattle decap convo was gold. The whole thing was great.

  • lolbuttz

    lolbuttz

    • MoshOff

      MoshOff

    • Hubert

      I like where you’re going with this.

      • lolbuttz

        lolbuttz!

    • Devin Dohrmann

      Comedy gold

  • Matt Damon

    MATT DAMON

  • This post is so meta I can practically feel McNulty’s hand on our respective peens.

    • The Toilet has so many levels of meta that I feel sorry for new comments readers. Hell, in another year or two we will have to made a legend to dis cipher our comments/jokes.

      GL

      • MoshOff

        We’re the Arrested Development of Metal Blogs.

        • Kevin Nash & Friends

          I want some plantains now that they were brought up by JJM.

        • EsusMoose

          Let us hope we never reach the wacky time hi-jinks of season 4

          • MoshOff

            I thoroughly enjoyed Season 4, but I’d kill for another “normal” season.

          • EsusMoose

            I really liked it but I heard from many people who didn’t binge watch it that the single character focused style made it hard to enjoy

      • I get this now because Dubidubz explained me what’s “meta” 😀

        #ToiletAchievements

      • KJM

        #ToiletWiki

    • Rhonda Pearlman

      We’ve all had Jimmy’s hand on our peen at one point or another…

  • Hubert

    Toilet ov Hell: So many inside jokes we’re practically speaking in a new language.

  • KJM
  • Hubert

    ..

  • SYL!’s 7 Year Old Son

    I wish my Dad would let me have a novelty account. 🙁

    • Kevin Nash & Friends

      I’m sorry you don’t have one. Has he fed you recently?

      • SYL!’s 7 Year Old Son

        Yes. Plantains.

    • Stockhausen

      You’re still alive?? Your dad must be getting nicer.

    • You can hang with us, that bastard always lurk FFB anyways.

    • @joethrashnkill:disqus CAN I KEEP THIS 7 YEARS OLD SON? I promise I will feed him :3

      • Sir Tapir the Based™

        Wait! His dad promised that I can make a soup out of him!

        • Kevin Nash & Friends

          I think it’s too late for that now.

          • Sir Tapir the Based™

            But I paid good money! I’m gonna need to find him and ask for a refund.

          • BREAK HIS LEGS!

          • Sir Tapir the Based™

            I’m gonna take his kneecaps!

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            Go find him. He’s probably at FFB right now.

        • more beer

          I also just told him he would be fattening him up for you.

      • SYL!’s 7 Year Old Son

        I would love to listen to Burzum with you.

      • Kevin Nash & Friends

        Can I be the godfather?

      • I dunno Link. A child is a big responsibility. Are you sure you can neglect him as well as his absentee father?

      • more beer

        So you will fatten him up for the Tapir. He`s been planning on having this kid for dinner. For a while now.

        • Sir Tapir the Based™

          Tapir doesn’t want to be hungry. I’m all out of pesto and pants.

          • more beer

            Well he better Fed Ex you that kid immediately. A hungry Tapir is an angry Tapir.

          • M Shadows!

            Zomg! Hai bae!

  • Maik Beninton
    • Kevin Nash & Friends

      My nuts hurt from watching this.

      • Sir Tapir the Based™

        I can castrate you so it won’t hurt anymore. Trust me, I castrated myself. I’m an expert.

    • KJU’s Dancing Pubic Hairs
  • RepostedAvengedSevenfoldFan2

    i was at school and i was talking about music with my friends

    i said that i like metal

    then DOUCHE BAG MODE ACTIVATE the fatass comes by and says

    “im pretty sure no one likes that metal crap anymore”

    i threw my fist in his face he fell over AND WAIT FOR IT i got in no trouble

    -guitar of the dead, 1 month ago

  • Dagon

    JIMMY PLZ!

    I’m already ready for vol. 2!

    • Kevin Nash & Friends

      That’s my phrase though!

      • Rhonda Pearlman

        We can take him to court…

        • Kevin Nash & Friends

          Jimmy plz!

  • J.R.

    let me add some from my own collection of rare Toiletsnaps.
    dont devalue the market by posting these all over the place.

  • M Shadows!

    M SHADOWS!

  • DoYouThinkHeSaurus

    He did it. You crazy son of a bitch, you did it.

    • Lacertilian

      Jurassic World review or I will lose all trust in this place.
      *holds onto buttz*

      • KJU’s Dancing Pubic Hairs
        • Lacertilian

          You didn’t like it?

          • KJU’s Farty Wiener

            Haven’t seen it, but I didn’t even like Jurassic Park when I was growing up.

          • FRIENDSHIP OVER… for 69 minutes.
            (btw, R U srs? das nutz)

          • Sir Tapir the Based™

            Jimmy, are you perhaps drunk?

          • ayy yissss. WAIT, does a person have to be drunk to criticize a flusher for not enjoying Jurassic Park? that movie is a classic.
            ………….having said that, i bet you don’t liek it.

          • Sir Tapir the Based™

            You know me so well.

          • Sargeant Honkey Poopypanties

            Yep, totally serious. I fucking hated it even when I was growing up.

      • DoYouThinkHeSaurus

        What’s the matter, kid? You never had lamb chops?

        Okay so there’s no quote that can satisfy your request. Yes I totes plan on reviewing the film here. (And of course it’s going to SUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.)

  • Rhonda Pearlman

    Jimmy plz!

  • J.R.

    That zzzzzzzz one was nice 🙂

  • KJU’s Dancing Pubic Hairs

    Lol, awesome article! My jabs are friendly as well. I can’t think of anyone on here I’ve had any personal beef with, and that’s a huge part of why I stuck with it.

    PS, Darkthrone still sucks. And Tapir is now a Swede. And Guac is rightfully drunk and bagging Miranda Kerr and Nigela Lawson right now, thanks to his righteous gluts.