TOIL3T OV H3LL 3: THE THIRDENING

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Today is our third birthday! Come celebrate with us.

I think everyone can agree that our behavior was awful all year long. The terrible twos had us sending Phil Labonte into a pants-shitting meltdown, mocking terminal virgins, and fucking with The Washington Examiner.

But all of that changes today! We’re three years old now. It’s now time to grow up and put away childish things. We’ve come an awful long way from a dinky little page with a purple background and a tenuous grasp on the English language. The Toilet is stronger now that it ever has been, all thanks to the continued readership of you lovely Toileteers.

We’ve got some very big things coming starting next week and I hope you’ll join us for them. As always, thank you for your continued support of this particular online poop receptacle. This is your open swim for the week. We’ll see you tomorrow.

Did you dig this? Take a second to support Toilet ov Hell on Patreon!
  • GL

    Congratulations to all of you, Joe.

    Thanks for your continued hard work. The effort does not go unnoticed!

    Thanks to all the commenters that keep this place livable.

    Love you alls,

    GL

  • Shakes 999

    My favorite, and as of recently, only metal site. Gonna be a good year.

  • The Arm(KJM)

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

  • The Arm(KJM)

    I just watched the 1st ep of American Gods. Apart from Ian McShane, it’s not doing much for me at all. To quote Henchman 21 “I don’t get it. It’s a little too ‘oh look at me I’m so clever’ for my taste”.

    • JWG

      I find myself saying that about a lot of one-trick shows stretched ad nauseum, though.

      Most of the animated ones that wind up on Cartoon Network’s “Adult Swim” for instance.

      • The Arm(KJM)

        Cartoon Network currently has 3 shows worth watching and Squidbillies needs to end soon. That leaves 2 shows(Venture Bros, Rick & Morty) on an otherwise useless network.

        • JWG

          We differ. I find R&M to be one joke (they’re dysfunctional!!!) repeated in only subtly different ways each episode. After S1 I felt I had seen enough.

          CN Canada (at least the Western Canadian feed) only ever seems to repeat very early episodes of Venture Bros, so I’ve seen like the first two seasons a million times. Repetition made me sick of that show too, but I can imagine if I got more I might go back to it.

          • The Arm(KJM)

            Venture Bros has 6 seasons now. To say the very least, the story has progressed since then, and I imagine season 7 is coming by next year.

          • Dumpster Lung

            Rick and Morty is one of my favorite things on TV, period. The jokes are clever, the “nerd humor” doesn’t feel stupid/forced the way it does in shows like Bing Bong Theory, and it gets kinda heavy in spots during season 2 for sure. Love it.

          • The Arm(KJM)

            Agreed, especially about TBBT. I can’t stand that show.

      • The Arm(KJM)

        Speaking of cartoons, American Gods is so oversaturated that it might as well be a cartoon.

    • Óðinn

      Yeah, I watched season 1. It starts out real slow. Although it does pick up a bit, it doesn’t really pick up all that much. I’m kind of lukewarm on it. It didn’t really make that much of an impression on me TBH.

  • Elegant Gazing Globe

    Wow, what the fuck am I doing with my life

  • Jeff Manteiga

    I’ve just recently become a regular visitor, and I’m really glad I did. This blog is great – happy b-day!

  • Howard Dean

    In honor of the Toilet’s third birthday, I present HD’s first ever comment on the ToH. From the first week to the ban(s) and back, it’s been quite a run. Byyyyyaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/22632dce01b2e35a2f18468b2ba77f6616c4366a4cc81ceb2d45bc9facf3b22c.jpg

    • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

      A comment mentioning Ripping Corpse, Incantation, Gorguts, Botch, Disma, Bathory, Ildjarn, Katharsis, Vulcano and Drawn and Quartered would definitely be a comment that gets Frank’s approval.

    • GL

      That is probably the most on topic comment I have ever seen of yours, lol.

      • Howard Dean

        Don’t get used to it, GL. Imma have to do some serious shitposting to make up for being on topic.

    • Scrimm

      Timeless classic

    • We’re just going to listen to Botch now, a damn lot of it.

  • Howard Dean

    I really want to eat a crumpet. Apparently they’re kind of like English muffins, but better. This thing is looking all kinds of carby- and buttery-delicious. I need dis. Can any Brit-bros confirm/deny the awesomeness of these things?

    (I might just be losing my mind because I’ve been intermittent fasting and my stomach is slowly eating itself)

    https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/3/38/Buttered_crumpet2.jpg

    • Al Bvndy

      I had four for breakfast coated in butter. Its was awesome. However, i’d trade them in any day for those biscuits (served with ‘gravy’) that you have in Merica. Mmmmm. Our savoury Scones just don’t cut it.
      https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/7/7e/Biscuits_and_gravy.jpg/220px-Biscuits_and_gravy.jpg

      • Howard Dean

        Biscuits and gravy >>>>>>>>>
        Crumpets and butter >>>>>>>>>
        Scones (sweet and savory) >>>>>>>>>

        (I need some carbs, apparently)

    • Lacertilian

      Crumpets are the shit. English muffins are bland garbage in comparison.
      You Seppos are fucking up hard.

      • Howard Dean

        Definitely gonna see if I can snag them somewhere here stateside. If not, maybe I’ve gotta look up a recipe. Gotta whole pile of maple syrup to soak them in. Hell yes.

  • JWG

    No GBU post, so I won’t follow up in that format.

    Metal: New Nulabor & Ravenblack EPs this week. Don’t think either was in this week’s TTT.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CY9ooK3euZI

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikJHf9VZyRs

  • ME GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ

    HAPPY ANNIEVARSITSY TOILET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    GORAK DRANKIN 1 FOR YOOZ GUYZ!!!!!!!!!!
    https://www.gianteagle.com/ProductImages/PRODUCT_NODE_60/704361600014.jpg
    METAL:https://youtu.be/CVceoX-pX0I

    • Max

      That is nowhere near enough rack toms.

  • Guacamole Jim

    I’mma get fucked up tonight in honour the of the three great years I’ve spent dicking about on this blog, writing pseudo intellectual articles, and getting to know all you loveable goofs. Happy birthday, Toilet!

    https://juliannasdesigns.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/yay_gif1.gif

  • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

    Happy birthday Toilet!

    What I’m going to say right now is probably not (really) metal and definitely not on-topic, but the first QotSA album was best QotSA album.

    Thanks in advance for complying.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gf6qnX4rmDU

    • Al Bvndy

      What ever you do Frank, don’t tell anyone.

      • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

        That’s also a killer track from a killer album. Queens were always one of the only modern radio rock bands I could stomach.

        • Al Bvndy

          Any love for early Muse? I was into the first 2 albums when they came out.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Muse is one of those bands I could never ever stand. I wouldn’t say the music they did is all bad – some of it is quite well composed to be honest – I just highly dislike their sound.
            QotSA together with the more commercially-inclined grunge rock of Nirvana, Pearl Jam and (Superunknown-era) Soundgarden might actually be the only “radio rock” stuff I really dig.

          • Al Bvndy

            I can respect that. Superunknown, Ten et al will always be staples for most people that are inclined towards hard rock and heavier music. They are of a time, but also timeless in a way? Idk.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            In some way albums like Superunknown and Ten…are kinda like the “classic rock” (Led Zeppelin, Deep Purple, Rush…etc…etc…) of the 90’s. Reasonably hard rocking music that’s still accessible enough to target a big audience and get a solid amount of commercial radio airplay.

          • ME GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ

            WITHOUT ADDING IN “DAD ROCK” RADIO MOOZIK FRANK MISSING PRIMUS, AIC, WHITE ZOMBIE, FIRST 3 SKID ROW, MONSTER MAGNET, (JIMMY LIKEZ) LOCAL H

          • Al Bvndy

            I just Saw Monster Mangnet last month or so. Wyndorf’s still got it!

          • ME GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ

            WYNDORF VERY CRAZY BUT WISH THEY PLAY MOAR IN US
            https://youtu.be/F1QexZ6mglo

          • Howard Dean

            White Zombie was actually pretty cool. Rob Zombie is a dingus, though.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yPNFVj-pISU

          • ME GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ
          • DoYouThinkHeSaurus
          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            I don’t really like Primus, White Zombie, Skid Row, Monster Magnet…to be honest. I don’t outwardly dislike them either. Just not something I’d jam a lot.
            Of course I do love Alice In Chains, but like Kyuss or Tool I always regarded them more like a “metal” band in a way that they were always more related to the scene.
            The funny thing with Alice In Chains and Tool is, despite the fact that (especially Tool) they probably make a lot of bucks and that critics cream all over the classic albums by these bands…whenever I talk to “your average music listener” over here, these people always know and like stuff by Nirvana, Pearl Jam, later Soundgarden…but many of them barely even heard of AIC or Tool, let alone Kyuss.

          • Al Bvndy

            My woman hates Most metal. She loves all things Pop and R&B. However, through being with me she now loves AIC as well. Her favourite tune is Junkhead.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Killer song. Dirt is flawless.

          • Óðinn

            Yeah, I can see tha. AiC Is the most accessible of the “grunge” era bands. Very radio friendly. You don’t necessarily need to be a Metal fan to get into them.

          • ME GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ

            FRIZZLE FRY AMONG FAVORITE ALBUM EVER!!!
            ALSO IT WEIRD TO HEAR AIC & TOOL BEING SEMI-OBSCURE, “ROOSTER” “MAN IN THE BOX” “WOULD?” “SOBER” “46&2” “SCHISM” ALL GET HEAVY READY PLAY STILL!!!!!!!
            https://youtu.be/wkS11FsA2cs

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Believe me, every time someone says “never heard of them” in regards to AIC or Tool, I find it hard to believe…

            …yet in a way it makes sense. Turn on commercial radio over here and you’ll find “Smells Like Teen Spirit”, “Come As You Are”, “Black Hole Sun”, “Spoonman”, “Jeremy”, “Alive”, “Black”, “Even Flow”, “Heart Shaped Box”…even “Rape Me”…crossing your path frequently – but you won’t hear any AIC or Tool unless you get to the stations that specialize in the heavy stuff or when once in a blue moon some popular radio station will have a special hour of heavy music.

          • ME GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ

            EXCEPT “RAPE ME” ALL THOSE GET ROCK RADIO PLAY HERE TOO!!!!! ME PRETTY SURE THAT SONG RIPPED OFF GWAR BASS RIFF!!!!!

            https://youtu.be/sdFACUanb2U

          • Yeah buddy, first three are full o’ jamz

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            To be honest, I should give the second Muse album a spin again. The only Muse album I can remember anything of is Absolution (didn’t like that one though). Probably won’t get into the second one either, but at least I gave it a fair shot again then.

            It’s not like my opinions are exactly flawless. Case in point: I think Live’s Lightning Crashes is a good song (welp).

          • Al Bvndy

            I never got past the second album. Time is running out really annoyed me through being overplayed. Any enthusiasm I had left was killed off by Knights of Cydonia.

          • i dunno man, probably not worth investigating now. there’s so much better stuff out there. that Live song is a bad. but we still love you!

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Live certainly is a terrible band, but that song is rather hooky!

            I CAN FEEEEEEEELLLL IIIIITTTTT COOOOO-MMIIIIINNNNGGGG BAAACCKKKK AGAINNNN

  • Scrimm

    NICE!

  • Thanks for everything, toiletters :’)

  • Óðinn
  • Taylor

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0f5e7f6a7506d2853b01ea65ea58bd5e5689a373a768d5052dfc5fb220129191.gif

    Happy birthday! Thanks for all of the awesome reviews and entertainment!

  • Howard Dean

    This performance right here. Wow. This entire film (The Last Waltz) is incredible. The Band was fucking amazing. What a talented group. Levon Helm >>>>>>>>>>. If I could create the perfect band, I’d want Levon c. 1978 to be my drummer/singer.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jREUrbGGrgM

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      I love The Band. Waynecro does too.

      • Óðinn

        I don’t know who that other bands is, but if you like that song they’re playing, check this out, JJD.

        https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2CDli4k8y6k

        • Howard Dean

          I literally have no idea what that is supposed to mean. The Band was comprised primarily of dudes from Canada, and they wrote many songs based on North American history or folklore.

          The Band is a racist band now! Who knew!! Generations of hippies who grew up listening to them are going to feel betrayed now after this fresh reporting. I envision mounds of burned LPs in the future, as the Baby Boomers take to the streets and confront this group of rabid racists for the sins of their past. Hahahaha.

          • Óðinn

            My apologies. I didn’t know that Levon Helm was from Canada. I was told that he was from Arkansas. I’m sorry if that’s not true. You also may not have heard about the the Civil War, the Lost Cause of the Confederacy, the Dunning School, or even that “Dixie” is a colloquial term for the slave-holding states of the South. I don’t know where you went to school. I suppose it’s possiblethat they didn’t teach those things. Given your propensity to post favourable comments about racist music, and then sometimes laugh at how people were unaware about the racist nature of the music, I thought you may have posted this particular song (in part) to have a laugh at the expense of others who were unaware of the history surrounding its subject matter. I apologize if that’s not true. You may not have known.

          • Howard Dean

            Levon Helm was not the principal songwriter for that song or for many of The Band’s songs–Robbie Robertson was (he’s Canadian). That aside: Does being from Arkansas automatically = racist? I don’t get it, I guess.

            History around what subject matter? The Civil War? How is a song written about the Civil War automatically racist? That song is written from the point of view of a poor southerner who felt the effects of the Civil War via the loss of his brother. Literally nowhere in the lyrics is their a pro-slavery, pro-racism slant. You want there to be, so you see it that way. You have the broadest view of “racist” I’ve ever seen. Frankly, it’s ridiculous.

          • Óðinn

            Does being Canadian automatically = not racist? Not sure why you brought up geography with regard to racism. Why use the carefully worded phrase “primarily from Canada”?

            I don’t think you understand, I want this song to not be rooted in racism.

          • Howard Dean

            I spent a few minutes googling the meaning of the song, as well as searching to see how many people consider it a racist anthem in support of the antebellum south and slavery. I found almost nothing supporting your claim–from the band, its fans, or critics. You are the first person I’ve ever heard label this a song rooted in racism. I guess I (and the rest of the world, for that matter), don’t consider it racist.

            I don’t think we will ever agree on this, because to me this song doesn’t have a hint of racism in it. It’s historical fiction in song form. But to you, it’s racist to its core. There’s no way we can agree on this.

          • Óðinn

            “Robbie and I worked on ‘The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down’ up in Woodstock. I remember taking him to the library so he could research the history and geography of the era and make General Robert E. Lee come out with all due respect.” – Levon Helm

          • Howard Dean

            …and? What’s that supposed to prove, exactly?

            Odinn, you are a strange character and I don’t get you at all. I’ve never met someone so singularly focused on finding any semblance of “racism” in things that are otherwise benign and boring. At least we can say you have a hobby, but frankly, it’s annoying as fuck.

            I know you think I have some crazy racist agenda buried beneath the surface, and you like to pick apart everything I say/do/post looking to find that one morsel so you can say “A-ha!”, but I’m really about the most boring fucker you’ve ever met. I really don’t give a shit. My affinity for The Band is musical. I share that sentiment with probably a couple million other people who have enjoyed their music for decades. I barely have time to listen to the music I enjoy; I certainly don’t spend time researching the minutiae of every musical act I consume (and definitely not bands that I don’t listen to).

          • Óðinn

            The song was based on the theories of the Lost Cuase of the Confederacy. Racism is annoying as fuck. I only mention racism when it arises, whether it’s you or not.

  • As a parent of a now four year old boy, I can tell you that the terrible 2’s do not end there, so awful behavior should be expected and should continue.

    Happy Toilet Born Day!
    http://t00.deviantart.net/_Q4dZnHoA53t0FpVmGTdu2jkcqk=/fit-in/150×150/filters:no_upscale():origin()/pre03/3a7d/th/pre/f/2014/359/3/c/merry_birthday_by_electricsparx-d8b65ym.png

  • Megan Alexandra

    ❤❤❤

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    Happy third birthday to my blog home! I’ve had some good times here and my Kaufmanesque persona will never be equalled. I’ll tell y’all my secret as to whether I’m trolling you all: when it comes down to it sometimes I’m trolling, sometimes I’m serious and sometimes I unintentionally do either of those things.

    • Howard Dean

      My favorite/most memorable Janitor Jim moment is when you had the visual hallucination/psychotic episode and thought I had changed my avatar to a picture of your female boss. Good times.

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        Mine is the Torrie Wilson saga. That was quite the tale.

        • Howard Dean

          Yesssssss! That was pretty righteous, as well.

          Also that time we all changed our avatars and names to Janitor Jim and pretended to be you. That actually got me banned, hahahaha.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            It was. She’s still my favorite female wrestler.

      • Mine was when he said “Jimmy plz!”

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          Every time I say that is good.

      • more beer

        know you were banging is boss HD! Why else the avatar?

        • Howard Dean

          Haha. HD was employee of the month 9 months running. Maintenance crew represent. LAYING THAT PIPE.

    • Elegant Gazing Globe

      My favorite moment of yours is when you change your name on FB back to your real name. 😉

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        One day I will

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    Good: Going to Warped tomorrow, going hiking with a lady friend on Sunday, the new Obituary album, new Son Volt album

    Bad: none

    Ugly: none

    • JWG

      “going hiking” is a strange euphemism

      unless it’s not…

      • 100% of the time a person goes hiking, it means drugs.

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          Jimmy plz!

        • Elegant Gazing Globe

          Or sex, so 50/50 playa!

          • Either way, we need to hear the story ASAP

          • Howard Dean

            Janitor Jim gonna start the trend of “Hiking and Chill.”

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        Well i dont think it is. She said there’s an awesome fire tower near me she wants to go hiking to.

        • JWG

          sounding more like one now

          “fire tower” nearly clinches it

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I’m confused.

          • The Arm(KJM)

            Don’t worry. You won’t be for long.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            So she wants to have sex with me? I barely know her.

          • more beer

            I have woken up with chicks and not even known their names.

          • Óðinn

            That’s usually the best time.

        • Elegant Gazing Globe

          Bring lots of water. Literally a gallon jug. You will be glad you did.

        • more beer

          I know in lower Westchester where there are fire towers, there are usually police firing ranges.So you might want to be a little bit careful.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I’ll be careful.

          • more beer

            I know that is how it is in both Yonkers and White Plans. I can’t see it being much different up there

        • The Mighty Thorange

          Fire tower sounds like a euphemism to me there.

      • Óðinn

        There was the Governor Mark Sanford scandal a few years back. He was “hiking the Appalachian Trail.”

        http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Hiking%20the%20appalachian%20trail

  • J.R.™
  • Depechemodeisgangsta

    Congrats for the 3 years, all i remember is that on Metalsucks people got so fed up, that you guys started this blog, and while a lot of the music is a little more to the heavy side for me, i always enjoy the content and the “Community” keep it going.
    Going to try to catch last Plane of the Apes movie, it looks really good and great reviews, also this Sunday finally GAME OF THRONES.

    • JWG

      “I’ve had it with these motherfucking Apes on this motherfucking Plane!!!”

      (I’m sorry)

  • Hans

    Even moreso than usual, I wish I had some cake.

    Last time I said I love you guys, I went on a Toilet hiatus of several months shortly afterwards, so I’ll take it easy and leave you with a non-committal “keep it up lads, I’m rather fond of you”.

    I’m psyched this place exists and has all of you in it. May this nonsense go on for years.

  • a truly great blog. i’ve met six of you idiots IRL, wish i could meet the rest! “happy birthday” – 7 chains

    • more beer

      I’ve met 3 and hang out with one pretty regularly.

      • And he speaks highly of you! I imagine our paths will cross eventually. Been meaning to visit your great state at some point

        • more beer

          And speak highly of him Yes I am sure we will cross paths.

          • Óðinn

            It’s because you’re high all the time.

          • more beer

            That has nothing to do with it.

  • Dubby Fresh

    Thanks for everything, nerds. Stay fresh.

    • GL

      #stayflush ftfy

  • Al Bvndy

    This is my favourite toilet themed metal website. Ive discovered many fantastic bands on here and I always enjoy the craic, despite the fact I don’t know what’s going on half the time. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e351a9cde12e7848adf82fe9ff94c4e1b74df0e4cdd8cd71c2d3937c37d50d7d.jpg

  • Max

    Happy thanks many special!

    Long may the Toilet reign in anal.

  • TheCheezFace

    Time flies. Congrats on the continued success, and here’s to many more years of toileteering.

  • The Mighty Thorange

    HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY! MAY THE PORCELAIN THRONE ALWAYS RUNNETH OVER WITH THE MOST INFERNAL AND MIGHTIEST STINK-NUGGETS OF PUREST METAL!

    GOOD: The shop where I p;lay D&D got flooded earlier in the week and it was looking like we would have to cancel our session. Thankfully everything got fixed the day before so we got to play.
    BAD: The inevitable finally happened at D&D…. complete TPK. We challenged the big bad boss too early and he wiped us out in 3 rounds. A shame because I had got rather attached to my character but at least he went out in a blaze of glory. Also went through to Glasgow earlier today as there was an open casting call for extras for an upcoming movie about Robert the Bruce (one of the many characters they absolutely butchered in Braveheart) They were looking for bearded, long haired Scottish people so I though I fit that bill nicely. Stood in the rain for 3.5 hours then the venue shut and I went home. Might try next weekend when they do another one in Edinburgh.
    UGLY: Me after standing for 3.5 hours in the pouring rain and the triumph of evil Vampires in the realm of Strahd.

    METAL: LET US CELEBRATE THIS DISTINGUISHED DAY WITH THE FINEST OF PARTYING AND BIRTHDAYING COMPOSITIONS!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rU2sSepYvJw
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdbhfpF3NA0
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xemLz_fR1Ac

  • AndySynn

    Congratulations… almost old enough to drink!

  • GoatForest

    Happy birthday to my favorite waste repository.

  • themaleshoegaze

    Happy Birthday TOH, and may you flush down infernal vrine and dark fecal matter into the abyss for many seasons!

  • Eliza

    May the Toilet last for three, six, nine, thirty, a hundred and twenty years more!

    • Óðinn

      Yes. And may we drink the blood of our enemies from a skull.

  • atchdav

    Hail TOH on this glorious day! May your sword stay wet like a young girl in her prime! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7572f126784bad4606d730b323736dd7f0c7be19fa886feb7c42f896ad91b9b5.jpg

  • Jointsalot

    Congrats TOH! I can’t believe it has been 3 years already!