This Toilet Tuesday (9/1/15)

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The past few days have been excruciating for you. It started innocuously, with a simple bloating feeling after a large meal. However, this feeling never subsided; in fact, it’s only grown worse. None of your bowel movements have been frequent and abnormal as well, coming out in thin spurts of greasy black sludge. Now here you sit, head in hands, on a filthy toilet in a crowded department store’s bathroom. You thought you would have time between death-shits to get something to relax your heaving stomach, but it was not meant to be. Now you just wish your pain was over.

Feeling something stir within you, you sit back and relax. Finally, after days of partial blockage, relief is in sight. You sit back and relax your muscles, hoping to speed the process along. Without warning, you release a tremendous fart and start to panic when it doesn’t stop. Gouts of thick black smoke are pouring forth from below you; no, from out of you. You gasp and bolt upright, taking in a mouthful of the mysterious gas. Your lungs immediately seize up, and you begin coughing and sputtering. You stagger out of the bathroom in a plume of smog, pants still around your ankles and noxious miasma still billowing from your anus. People scream and begin to run away. Some are too slow, getting caught in the plague winds and falling to their knees. Vision turning red and unable to breathe with your swollen lungs, you can manage only a single gurgle as you leave the carnage you have wrought behind. You, the Plaguepooper.

This is Toilet Tuesday.


Mephorash

Mephorash – 1557 – Rites of Nullification (Odium Records) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Riphyon – The Tree of Assiyah Putrescent”

This is one of those excellent situations in which “black metal” is an accurate label, but still falls very short in describing the band’s sound. Mephorash takes their brand of mystical black metal and expands it with a cinematic grandeur, all without crossing the cheese line. The opening of “Riphyon – The Tree of Assiyah Putrescent” is positively menacing; the chant-like screams against the keyboard atmosphere set a ritualistic tone that lasts throughout the first third of 9:30 run time. After a furious blasting middle section, the final third trudges mournfully over Barber’s iconic Adagio chord progression. I’m looking forward to hearing the rest of this album. 9/1/15 (Stockhausen)


nyr gata

Nýr Gata – Seraphim (Narbentage Produktionen) [Black Metal]
Lisen to “Marter,” “Im Flammenregen,” “Cherubim

Black metal with melodic sensibilities can be hit or miss, but Nýr Gata is a serious hit for me. There’s an underlying fury that doesn’t allow the almost anthem-like qualities to seem insincere, and the vocal variety serves the separate sections very well. Certain riffs, like the opening of “Im Flammenregen” could easily be pasted in a very non-black metal setting, but that sort of diversity is what makes the whole Nýr Gata package work. 8/31/15 (Stockhausen)


cruciamentum

Cruciamentum – Charnel Passages (Profound Lore) [Death Metal]
Stream

Charnel Passages, the long-awaited debut album from Cruciamentum, will crush your dick. The doom-influenced riffs will hammer you with a prehistoric precision like the measured, steady stomp of a saurian super predator. The bubbling, viscous vocals will engulf you like a geyser of bubbling pitch from the La Brea Tar Pit. The rhythm section will ground you into dust like the patient, impartial hand of an extinction event. Your dick will be crushed by one of the best straight-up death metal releases you’ll hear all year. FFO: Grave Miasma, Incantation, Dead Congregation 9/4/15 (W.)


plague rider

Plague Rider – Paroxysm (Independent) [Weird Death]
Stream

Plague Rider is merciless. On Paroxysm, the dissonant tech death body snatchers will infect your body and eradicate your mind from the inside out. The ever-shifting rhythms, mutating riffs, and unpredictable virulent vocals will disarm your body’s natural defenses, rendering you an inert, lifeless husk, driven forth to destruction and enlightenment like the plague-bearing hosts of the cordyceps fungus. Nasty stuff, this EP. FFO: Atheist, Artificial Brain, Pestilence 9/2/15 (W.)


amorphis

Amorphis – Under the Red Cloud (Nuclear Blast) [Progressive Metal]
Listen to “Death of a King”

This is one of those bands that will probably never get back into their original style, but still have traits of the old days incorporated in their sound evolution. Under the Red Cloud shows us the Finnish entity known as Amorphis remembering with nostalgia the first era of the band, while pointing to the future at the same time. In this new record, the band construct circular vocal melodies with a softer approach and a more emotive speech. The folk vibes of the entire career of the band are encapsulated into the strings, keyboards and flutes, mesmerizing the listener with the exotic and mythical storytelling. With a clean production and varied songwriting, this new album from Amorphis could be a record to listen over and over again. 9/4/15 (Link)


morphinist

Morphinist – Goepfert (Independent) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Reinigung”

Remember when the good doctor Dubz asked you to not miss Morphinist? The north remembers. If “Reinigung”, shortest of Geopfert’s four songs is anything to go by, in the year of our lord 2015, Morphinist delivers almost brutally furious black metal but with a much stronger emphasis on the Walknut-like atmospherics than grim riffage. But the drug-fueled madness that never lets go is what sets Argwohn’s one-man project apart from his ilk. 9/1/15 (Karhu)


purtenance

Purtenance – …to Spread the Flame of Ancients (Xtreem Music) [Blackened Death]
Listen to “Invocatio,” “Level XI”

When a band from ancient times decides to reunite the air always becomes thick with more than just anticipation – concern on whether or not they shall live up to their heritage is often the strongest of thoughts. As if holding up a legacy was the most important thing to do. Purtenance did well with Sacrifice The King but not everyone was thrilled about Awaken From Slumber’s more brutal direction. It is apparent that Purtenance now seeks to return to the morbid sentiments of their classic debut. I can’t help but feel that the opening track, and first single, “Invocatio” is as much an intro as it is a song of its own but it promises suitably nasty old school death metal massacre with a doom-y edge. I know I wouldn’t mind if the band played to it more but whatever the case it will hardly leave any OSDM fans hungry – except for more. 9/1/15 (Horton Hears a Karhu)


Abysmal Growls of Despair – Between My Dead (Satanath Records) [Funeral Doom]
Listen to “Wake Up”

Ancient Altar – Dead Earth (Black Voodoo Records) [Death/Doom]
Listen to “Dead Earth”

Astoryas – Mystery (Darktunes Music Group) [Heavy Metal]

Barreleye – Urged to Fall (Independent) [Melodeath]
Listen to “From the Inside”

Battlestorm – From Hell (Warhemic Productions) [Blackened Death]
Preview

Beneath the Storm – Devil’s Village (Argonauta Records) [Sludge/Doom]
Listen to “Starting the Ritual”

Bevar Sea – Invoke the Bizarre (The Mighty Riff Records) [Doom]
Listen to “Sleeping Pool”

Birkabein – Malevolence & Glory (Narbentage Produktionen) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Schicksalsfaden”

Black Majesty – Cross of Thorns (Pride & Joy Music) [Power Metal]
Preview

Black Salvation – I Am Pretended/Avaunt (H42 Records) [Doom/Sludge]
Stream

Chaos Frame – Paths to Exile (Nightmare Records) [Power Prog]
Listen to “Paper Sun”

Clouds Taste Satanic – Your Doom Has Come (Kinda Like Music) [Doom/Sludge]
Listen to “Beast From the Sea,” “Out of the Abyss”

Curse of the North – Curse of the North: I (Static Tension Recordings) [Doom]
Listen to “Sleep While You Can”

Dalriada – Áldás (Nail Records) [Folk Metal]
Listen to “Amit ad az ég”

Deprivacija – Dugne (Independent) [Sludge]
Stream

Doomshine – The End Is Worth Waiting For (Metal On Metal Records) [Doom]
Listen

Engendro – In the Throne of Chaos (Independent) [Black Metal]
Listen to “In the Throne of Chaos”

Eternal Rising – Sleep Forever (Independent) [Power Metal]

Grime – Circle of Molesters (Argento Records) [Sludge]

Hell:On – Once Upon A Chaos… (Ferrrum) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Curse of Flesh”

Hellsight – Fighting the Hell (Independent) [Speed Metal]
Listen to “The White Wolf”

Inhuman – Conquerers of the New World (Satanath Records) [Tech Death]
Stream

Iron Maiden – Book of Souls (EMI) [Heavy Metal]
Listen to “Speed of Light”

Mgła – Exercises in Futility (Northern Heritage) [Black Metal]
Stream

Miasma – The Ancient Fallacy (Sickness Productions) [Death Metal]
Preview

Midnight/Shitfucker – Midnight/Shitfucker (split- Hells Headbangers) [Black Metal]

Morbid Slaughter – A Filthy Orgy of Horror and Death (Boris Records) [Black Thrash]
Listen

Necrocosm – Damnation Doctrine (Independent) [Melodeath]
Listen to “Force Fed Progeny”

Necromancy – Ancient Wrath (Nuclear War Now!) [Black Metal]
Stream

Opensight – Ulterior Motives (Independent) [Progressive Metal]
Stream

Ordinul Negru – Sorcery of Darkness (Loud Rage Music) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Sorcery of Darkness”

Phlegein – From the Land of Death (Northern Heritage Records) [Black Metal]
Listen to “From the Land of Death”

Primigenium – For the Children of This World (BlackSeed Productions) [Black Metal]
Preview

Promethee – Unrest (Lifeforce Records) [Metalcore]

Ramming Speed – No Epitaphs (Prosthetic Records) [Crossover Thrash]
Listen to “Choke Holds and Bullet Holes,” “Walls”

Riverside – Love, Fear and the Time Machine (InsideOut Music) [Prog Metal]
Listen to “Discard Your Fear”

Silver Fist – Todavía Vivo (Leyenda Records) [Speed Metal]

Tungsten Axe – Power Rock (Swords and Chains Records) [The Heaviest Metal]

Tyrant’s Kall – Gla’aki (Witches Brew) [Death/Doom]
Stream

Uncle Acid & The Deadbeats – The Night Creeper (Rise Records) [Doom]
Listen to “Waiting for Blood”

Did we forget a new release? Is there a way we could improve this list? Let us know in the comments below!

(Images VIA, VIA, VIA, VIA, VIA, VIA, and VIA)

  • Scrimm

    There’s only one release I care about this week.

    • Howard Dean

      CRUCIAMENTUM?!

      MIDNIGHT/SHITFUCKER?!

    • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

      Uncle Acid $ The Deadbeats?

      • Scrimm

        DOWNVOTED

    • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

      The Great Unknown by Rob Thomas obviously.

    • i wanna know your thoughts on it before i purchase the thing…

    • Culinary Cunilengus

      You haven’t had a bathroom break for that long?

  • Scrimm

    The new Broken Flesh is also out on Friday.

    • Stockhausen

      I have work stuff that night, but I think I should just make it to that release show to catch Broken Flesh. Should be a stomping good time.

      • Scrimm

        Wish I could. Tell em to come to AZ.

  • Sir Tapir The Based :]

    It ain’t metal, but this tapir is dimmadarn excited for the Grave Pleasures album that’ll drop this Friday.

  • Howard Dean

    Maybe this new album will break the trend, but Mephorash up to this point has been very shitty. Like a poor man’s Ofermod or Ondskapt, except without any of the talent or passion. They are literally like a paint-by-numbers “orthodox” band, with the same ol’ tired Qliphotic/Kabbalah worship motif, but with no good music to back it up. Like a “3spoopy5me” level of cheesiness (which isn’t always bad–IF there are good tunes to be heard; that’s not the case, here). But, maybe this one will be different.

    Fun fact: Mephorash bandleader Mishbar was in Malign for a few months recently. Really hoping Mork didn’t allow him to contribute to the songwriting on Malign’s upcoming EP.

    • Pagliacci is Kvlt
    • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

      Only familiar with one or two songs, both better than anything that – say, Watain – ever did but they are definitely a very orthodox-by-numbers band.

      • Howard Dean

        I’m not a fan of most of Watain’s output, but Casus Luciferi was a ripper. They’ve taken a major hit lately among the kvlt crowd (especially after their latest album), but anyone who was into black metal and in the scene in 2003 will confirm that EVERYONE dug Casus Luciferi when it dropped.

    • Stockhausen

      This is my first experience with Mephorash, and I checked them out on MA after I listened and wrote the blurb. I saw that they had 2 reviews on their last album for an average of 3% rating (one reviewer gave it a 0%), both of them echoing what you just said. I really enjoyed the song that’s linked, it held my attention for 9 minutes really well. They either stopped sucking or my taste is not as impeccable as I once believed.

      • Howard Dean

        In all fairness (now that I’ve had a chance to hear it), this new stuff sounds better than the stuff I’ve heard from them before. And I’m admittedly a little bitter on a lot of the “orthodox” scene, in particular the ones that are super generic.

        And wow. Those metal-archives reviews are more brutal and critical than even I will go. Fuck.

        • Stockhausen

          Yeah dude. I can’t really imagine it’s really the worst album that one guy has heard, despite how derivative it may be.

    • Culinary Cunilengus

      I, like millions, was hoping Mork was putting out something soon, but that’s not about to happen. Ever.

      https://31.media.tumblr.com/ccc235783700c593fa57a3c80e5b9a47/tumblr_nkgixiloHo1t55xupo1_400.gif

      (too soon?)

      • Howard Dean

        Mork embraced the void for realz.

  • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

    Midnight/Shitfucker split!?! I was unaware of this. Sick!

    Finally gave in and listened to Exercises in Futility last night. I remember it being good, but I was pretty buzzed and not very focused. That Cruciamentum is indeed dick crushing material.

    • I’ve got two of them. I’ll send you one.

      • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

        Killer! Thanks brah.

      • Stockhausen

        I thought this comment was in reply to Stanley. I said “hehe wat”

    • Stanley

      There are too many to mention goosebumps inducing moments on Exercises in Futility.

    • Culinary Cunilengus

      Gah, I keep thinking it’s more unreleased tracks from Midnight (Crimson Glory’s singer) whenever that band is mentioned!

  • Dagon

    Hmm greasy black sludge
    https://youtu.be/FwCshQXGyBI

  • Grime is in fact grimey. Too bad all they have is this trailer.
    http://youtu.be/-f49AW7IOM8

  • Mxxk Bxnxntxn™

    I googled Tungsten Axe but didn’t find it, now I will never listen to the heaviest metal.

  • Dubz, this Ramming Speed is indeed very good! Thanks for sharing in the last Thrashold column.

  • EsusMoose

    I’m digging Plague Rider, shit be nice

  • KJM

    Tasty Satanic Clouds.

    • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

      There is a ton of doom and sludge in this list. You should have a hell of a time going through these bands cup.

      • KJM

        Yep, doing so right now.

      • Dagon

        I noticed. Last week was severely lacking in that department.

      • Culinary Cunilengus

        Curious if you ever heard/like Atlantean Kodex. Epic doom on a grand scale.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8paQJtLqhs

  • I’m trying real hard not to download the leaked versions of MGLA and Cruciamentum even though I pre ordered both anyway.

  • Weird death metal>>>>>>

  • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

    Damn that Purtenance song is plodding as fuck. Heavy shit dude.

  • DCLXVI

    fuck I’m late

  • Mxxk Bxnxntxn™

    So what should I get for my birthday?

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    Amorphis, Maiden and Uncle Acid excite me the most.

  • That new Slayer song is medicore. It really is time for them to call it quits.

    • KJM

      They should’ve done a tribute to Jeff tour and called it a day.

      • Yup, I don’t think anyone is shocked that it’s not good. They could’ve saved themselves the embarassment and stopped.

        • Honkey McWienerPudding

          3,2,1 until Kerry goes into full “fuck all you haters” mode.

        • Max

          What I think is embarrassing is that the word is “Unrepentant”, and that would have actually been a better album title.

          • Abject failure on so many levels and the album has not even been released yet.

    • Disgustache

      I lost interest at God Hates Us All personally. Even pissed off at everyone high school me couldn’t get behind them after a point.

    • OldMetalHead

      Been hearing a lot of “Can’t wait till they let Gary Holt write. He’s awesome!” If that’s the case, they should have let him write on this album.

    • Honkey McWienerPudding

      This calls for me to do another Repentless (via Kerry ‘Burger’ King) rewrite!

      Aspargus, Velveeta, bowels in disarray

      Dealing with cholesterol every fuckin’ day

      I hate the life, hate the fame, won’t eat no fuckin’ greens

      Pissing match of Eggos, fuck their calories

      Ain’t got the time, I don’t want anything from you

      Feeding on my lipo fat is all you fuckin’ do

      No looking back, no diets, waiting for delivery

      What you get is what you see

      Live fat

      On fries

      JennyCraigless
      On the Crisco slide

      My songs relive the suppositories

      Can’t take Weight Watchers any fuckin’ more

      Intensity, anarchy, honey hams amplified
      Taking a shit is all that keeps me alive

      I leave it all in the komode on the stage

      This is my toilet where I fill it everyday

      So take a shit, bottom’s up, this is no lie

      I’ll be beating my meat ’til the day I die

      Live fat

      On fries

      JennyCraigless

      Let it ride

      I ate the loaf, ate the flambe, ate the fuckin’ cheese
      Eating match of egg whites, fuck they’re yummy

      Ain’t got the time, I don’t want anything from you

      Feeding on my toaster strudels is all you fuckin’ do

      No looking back, no regrets, no aerobics

      What you get is what you see
      My man boobs get a little bigger everyday

      Live fat

      Rubbing thighs
      JennyCraigless

      Delivery just arrived

  • Hubert

    Plague Rider is enjoyable.

  • OldMetalHead

    I kinda dig the homage to video games that is the new Iron Maiden video. Song is ok too.

  • The Satan Ov Hell

    Gotta check out Plague Rider there, I do love weird death. While on this, any new releases from the past year anyone would like to recommend? Not been able to keep up while on travels!

    • Vote for Jeb

      Oh dear, where to start?

    • Count_Breznak

      Some odd Moldovian Deathgrind ?

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sa39LSMVUPY

    • Hey! You’re here, dude! 😀

    • Stockhausen

      Hey dude! Don’t worry, there haven’t been any releases this year.

    • Honkey McWienerPudding

      Midnight Odyssey’s new one, Angra ‘Secret Garden’, the new ones from Sulphur Aeon, Back Door To Asylum, Atomicide, The Membranes, Armored Saint, and the new Carly Ray Jepsen (no I’m not joking).

      • The Satan Ov Hell

        I did hear the new Carly Rae Jepsen is a damn good pop album!

        • Sir Tapir The Based :]

          My belief in Satan is dead.

        • Vote for Jeb

          It’s tight.

        • Honkey McWienerPudding

          So far, it’s the best electro/dreampop CD I’ve heard this year.

    • RJA

      This was my list as of a few weeks ago.

      Devouring Star – Through Lung and Heart
      Akyhls – The Dreaming I
      Downfall of Nur – Umbras de Barbagia
      Gouge – Beyond Death
      Macaber Omen – Gods of War, At War
      IL’ITHIL – IA’WINDE
      Haethen – Shaped by
      Nocternity – Harps of the Ancient Temples
      Volahn – Aq’Ab’Al
      Misþyrming — Söngvar elds og óreiðu
      Black Cilice – Mysteries
      Clandestine Blaze – New Golgotha Rising
      Abyssal – Antikatastaseis
      Eternal Valley – Ascend to the Unknown
      Leviathan – Scar Sighted
      Hic Iacet – The Cosmic Trance into the Void
      Death Karma – The History of Death & Burial Rituals
      Balmog – Svmma Fide
      Atomicide – Chaos Abomination
      Obsequiae – Aria of Vernal Tombs
      Malthusian – Below the Hengiform
      Leviathan – Scar Sighted
      False – Untitled
      Pale Chalice – Negate the Infinite and Miraculous

      • The Satan Ov Hell

        Oooh, new Nocternity! Gonna get right to that.

        • RJA

          If you are excited for it to begin with, I don’t think it shall disappoint.

        • Lacertilian

          It is excellent.

      • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

        Good list my Demon friend.

      • Lacertilian

        This list is solid, albeit mostly BM.

        • RJA

          Yea, mostly black metal for me. Although I’ve been trying to broaden my metal listening as of late. I’ve been listening to the Bell Witch record – pretty solid.

    • Sir Tapir The Based :]

      Oblivionized’s Life Is A Struggle, Give Up is straight fire.

  • Hubert

    And Cruciamentum doesn’t do it for me. PROFOUND LORE HAS FAILED ME.

  • 365chaosriddendays

    Ævangelist premiere new song: “Levitating Stones” through the site “No Clean Singing” and you can listen “Stormkult” by germans black metallers in Kaeck through Decibel.

    • Vote for Jeb

      I just finished listening to that AEvangelist song.

      • 365chaosriddendays

        Do you like it?

        • Vote for Jeb

          I liked it. It leans more toward Writhes in the Murk than Omen Ex Simulacra, but I can’t complain.

          • 365chaosriddendays

            Yes, you’re right, I can’t complain too, good song, I like the way in which they explore music!

  • JWEG

    – I see ‘Funeral Doom’, I have to check it out

    – I will get that Amorphis. They are cheese, but finely aged fancy cheese.

    – I thought that one band was called “Beaver Sea” for a moment. I’m only slightly disappointed, though.

  • Disgustache

    Stoked to check the couple black metal bands on here. I need to feel the cold embrace this hot September.

  • Celtic Frosty

    This week is a good

    • hey, you can’t use that… i stole it from Tapir

      • Celtic Frosty

        I knew I’d seen it somewhere

  • Guppusmaximus

    The opening of that Amorphis song reminds me of this:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=msxbcwSucF0

    • Now I need to binge this album over and over again. Thanks

  • Stockhausen

    I am become Plaguepooper, pooper of plagues.

  • Honkey McWienerPudding

    Might check out Doomshine simply because it’s on Metal On Metal Records. Always solid releases (especially Battlerage, Meliah Rage, and Sacred Gate), the lady who owns it is super nice and friendly, and they sent me a free sampler that I won last year.
    Of course checking out the new Maiden, but after that doo doo song/video they just put out, I’m not exactly getting my hopes up.

    • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

      They’ve been releasing the worst song as single for years (Maiden that is), mostly because it’s usually the most conventional and short. FF was the only exception.

  • Malted Hate

    Mephorash seemed promising from your blurb/ cover art but it did nothing for me.

  • Waynecro

    Nyr Gata and Morphinist are working for me. I’ve been in the mood for black metal with melody lately. The new Inhuman really tickles my meatpickle, and I dig that Necrocosm tune.

  • CT-12

    Wow, I’m glad I listened to that Amorphis track before ever even thinking about buying the album. If the rest of the album is like that track, no fucking thanks.

  • yes yes yes to Cruciamentum!! anyone hear new Maiden? how is it?

  • J.R.™

    “noxious miasma still billowing from your anus”