This Toilet Tuesday (5/26/15)


Stumbling into the bathroom, you plop yourself heavily down on the toilet. You face that most terrible of horrors, that which lurks in deepest darkness: the late-night poop. You have been roused from your sleep by a searing rectal pain and have reluctantly risen from your slumber to deal with it. However, you are pleasantly surprised by how quickly it passes, though it seems like a small turd for how bloated you felt. You groan as you wipe, a thick, blackish streak staining the paper. You’re going to be here for awhile.

You continue wiping for what seems like hours, then days. It might just be a fatigue-hallucination, but you swear your beard has gotten longer since you started. Still, you continue wiping. The bathroom light pops and goes out, but you can still see sullied toilet paper from the light under the door. Still you wipe. The air feels hot and humid, despite the air conditioning you thought you had running. After an eternity, you finally wipe clean. Your anus is chapped and bleeding, but at least it’s clean. You wash your hands and step out. You are shocked by the sight before you. Your house has collapsed into a dilapidated mess. Scorching winds blow across the cracked and broken streets. The once pristine skyline has been severed by time and calamity, leaving only you in a burning wasteland.

Don’t let time pass you by. This is Toilet Tuesday.


Balmog – Svmma Fide (BlackSeed Productions) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Witness”

Remember that time I wrote about Balmog and described them as 2spoopy4u orthodox black metal? Well, they’re back, and this time they’ve reined in the atmosphere in favor of a more unhinged assault. I don’t remember anything on the previous album sounding quite this deranged and downright ugly. It’s like a horde of those nasty crawlers from The Descent emerging from the blackest lungs of hell to spread chaos and disease upon the surface. May our iniquities be washed away in a river of our own blood. FFO: Immacula Mortem, Blood of Kingu, Dantalion (W.)

cloud rat

Cloud Rat – Qliphoth (Halo of Flies) [Grindcore]

On my list of things that go hard in 2015, Cloud Rat is one of the things that goes the hardest. This young group of grind perverts is right up there with Charlize Theron and Waka Flocka for individuals likely to curb stomp then use your spattered blood to paint a Jackson Pollock expressionist piece. Get splattered. FFO: Antigama, God Mother, Blurring (W.)


Cult of Endtime – In Charnel Lights (Svart Records) [Death Metal]

Cult of Endtime is a very Finnish death metal band. What exactly in their sound gives them away as Finns is hard to pinpoint but it’s there. In Charnel Lights sounds massive as it sways between fast punishment and slower, doom-y sections. It’s heavy and riff-oriented as death metal is wont to do but the band finds room for melodies as well. Occasionally CoE removes themselves quite far from their template, riffing in the spirit of stoner-blues but never do they sound like a herd gone astray. (Karhu)

cohol rigen

Cohol – Rigen (Osmose Productions) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Depressive”

You don’t often hear black metal that relies overtly on groove to drive a song, which is probably why I’m so drawn to Cohol. “Depressive” opens with a steady groove led by the rhythm section before going into full-on blasting. It’s different, but not so different as to be unapproachable. Look for the full album to drop later this week. (Spear)

Amestigon – Thier (WTC Productions) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Demiurg”

A.R.G. – Redemption from Refaim (Ranka Kustannus) [Death/Thrash]
Listen to “Equilibrium”

Arkania – Serena Fortaleza (Rock-CD Records) [Power Metal]

Black Lord – Black Ritual Forest (Satanath Records) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Spiritual War”

Burial Vault – Unity in Pluralism (Apostasy Records) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Return to Point Zero”

Chabtan – The Kiss of Coatlicue (Mighty Music/Target Group) [Melodeath]
Listen to “The Kiss of Coatlicue”

Chaos Synopsis – Seasons of Red (Black Legion) [Thrash]
Listen to “Son of Light”

Darkened Winter – Awaiting Ragnarök (Winterrealm Records) [Black Metal]

Deathblast/Death Thirst/Mass Hypnosia – Thrash Daisakkai (Bloodbath Records) [Death Metal]
Preview (Death Thirst)

Destruktor – Opprobrium (Hell’s Headbangers) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Besieged”

Deus Otiosus – Sis Mortuus Mondo (Godeater Records) [Blackened Death]

Distant Sun – Dark Matter (Metalism Records) [Speed Metal]
Listen to “Kill the Fremen”

Eikþyrnir – Through the Magic Mirror Gate (Independent) [Folk Metal]
Listen to “Wind Age Wolf Age”

Exit Smashed – The Total Extent of Pure Excess (Independent) [Crossover Thrash]

Feared – Synder (Independent) [Melodeath]

Feral – Where Dead Dreams Dwell (Cyclone Empire) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Swallowed by Darkness”

Fjorsvartnir – Mzoraxc’ Forbandelse (Grom Records) [Black Metal]
Listen to “En Rejse Igennem Fortidens Riger”

Galvano – Trail of the Serpent (Candlelight Records) [Sludge]
Listen to “Stench of Prey”

Gothic Fate – ILLERMINATEE (Skol Records) [Jet Fuel Can’t Melt Steel Beams]

The Juliet Massacre – Human Abuse (Independent) [Death Metal]

Karlahan – Exile (7hard/7us) [Progressive Melodeath]

Leprous – The Congregation (InsideOut Music) [Progressive Metal]
Listen to “The Price”

Lucifer – Lucifer I (Rise Above Records) [Doom]
Listen to “Izrael”

Make Them Suffer – Old Souls (Roadrunner Records) [Deathcore]
Listen to “Old Souls”

Mamaleek – Via Dolorosa (The Flenser) [Hipster Black Metal]

Myrah – Until the End of Time (Art Gates Records) [Dark Metal]

Naumachia – Machine of Creation (Via Nocturna) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Multiple Personality,” “Scorched Earth”

Nidra/K.M. – Epitaph of Solitude (split- Casus Belli Musica) [Doom]

Nocturnal Depression – Spleen Black Metal (Avantgarde Music) [Black Metal]

Obsequiae – Aria of Vernal Tombs (20 Buck Spin) [Black Metal]

Omnivorous – Age of Maelstorm (Brutal Mind) [Brutal Death]
Listen to “Reprogrammed to Terminate”

The Oort Cloud – Catharsis (Cvlminis) [Doom]

Perzonal War – The Last Sunset (Metalville) [Thrash]
Listen to “Speed of Time”

Profanator – Mvttvr Vicivm (Chaos Records) [Thrash]
Listen to “Mvtter Vicivm”

Sad Eyes – Ad Dicti On (Necromance Music) [Death Metal]

Sadistic Murder – Butcher of Rostov (Rotten Cemetery Records) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Your Agony, My Joy”

Sangharsha/Blank – Intermundia (split- Holy Goat/Alerta Antifacista) [Hardcore]

Setanera – New Era (7hard Records) [Symphonic Metal]

Sounds of Fury – Mediocracy (Mighty Music) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Mediocracy”

Sterbhaus – New Level of Malevolence (Black Lodge) [Blackened Death]
Listen to “Necrostabbing the Corpsefinder”

Stormhold – Battle of the Royal Halls (Art Gates Records) [Power Metal]

Supuration – Reveries… (Listenable Records) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Suffocate Through Asphyxia”

Unmothered – UMBRA (Crowquill) [Sludge]

Uroboros – Deiphagomega (Zann’s Music) [Sludge]
Listen to “La Gloria Sea Con Aquel Que No Muere”

Vargnatt – Grausammler (Eisenwald Tonschmiede) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Allein in mir”

Will’o’Wisp – Inusto (Nadir Music) [Progressive Metal]
Listen to “Sacred Signs”

Winter’s Edge – The Deceivers (Independent) [Power Metal]

Wolfshead – Caput Lupinum (Godeater Records) [Doom]
Listen to “Mark of the Devil”

Did we forget a new release? Is there a way we could improve this list? Let us know in the comments below!

(Images VIA, VIA, VIA, and VIA)

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