This Toilet Tuesday (5/26/15)

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Stumbling into the bathroom, you plop yourself heavily down on the toilet. You face that most terrible of horrors, that which lurks in deepest darkness: the late-night poop. You have been roused from your sleep by a searing rectal pain and have reluctantly risen from your slumber to deal with it. However, you are pleasantly surprised by how quickly it passes, though it seems like a small turd for how bloated you felt. You groan as you wipe, a thick, blackish streak staining the paper. You’re going to be here for awhile.

You continue wiping for what seems like hours, then days. It might just be a fatigue-hallucination, but you swear your beard has gotten longer since you started. Still, you continue wiping. The bathroom light pops and goes out, but you can still see sullied toilet paper from the light under the door. Still you wipe. The air feels hot and humid, despite the air conditioning you thought you had running. After an eternity, you finally wipe clean. Your anus is chapped and bleeding, but at least it’s clean. You wash your hands and step out. You are shocked by the sight before you. Your house has collapsed into a dilapidated mess. Scorching winds blow across the cracked and broken streets. The once pristine skyline has been severed by time and calamity, leaving only you in a burning wasteland.

Don’t let time pass you by. This is Toilet Tuesday.


balmog

Balmog – Svmma Fide (BlackSeed Productions) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Witness”

Remember that time I wrote about Balmog and described them as 2spoopy4u orthodox black metal? Well, they’re back, and this time they’ve reined in the atmosphere in favor of a more unhinged assault. I don’t remember anything on the previous album sounding quite this deranged and downright ugly. It’s like a horde of those nasty crawlers from The Descent emerging from the blackest lungs of hell to spread chaos and disease upon the surface. May our iniquities be washed away in a river of our own blood. FFO: Immacula Mortem, Blood of Kingu, Dantalion (W.)


cloud rat

Cloud Rat – Qliphoth (Halo of Flies) [Grindcore]
Stream

On my list of things that go hard in 2015, Cloud Rat is one of the things that goes the hardest. This young group of grind perverts is right up there with Charlize Theron and Waka Flocka for individuals likely to curb stomp then use your spattered blood to paint a Jackson Pollock expressionist piece. Get splattered. FFO: Antigama, God Mother, Blurring (W.)


Cult-of-Endtime-In-Charnel-Lights-01

Cult of Endtime – In Charnel Lights (Svart Records) [Death Metal]
Stream

Cult of Endtime is a very Finnish death metal band. What exactly in their sound gives them away as Finns is hard to pinpoint but it’s there. In Charnel Lights sounds massive as it sways between fast punishment and slower, doom-y sections. It’s heavy and riff-oriented as death metal is wont to do but the band finds room for melodies as well. Occasionally CoE removes themselves quite far from their template, riffing in the spirit of stoner-blues but never do they sound like a herd gone astray. (Karhu)


cohol rigen

Cohol – Rigen (Osmose Productions) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Depressive”

You don’t often hear black metal that relies overtly on groove to drive a song, which is probably why I’m so drawn to Cohol. “Depressive” opens with a steady groove led by the rhythm section before going into full-on blasting. It’s different, but not so different as to be unapproachable. Look for the full album to drop later this week. (Spear)


Amestigon – Thier (WTC Productions) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Demiurg”

A.R.G. – Redemption from Refaim (Ranka Kustannus) [Death/Thrash]
Listen to “Equilibrium”

Arkania – Serena Fortaleza (Rock-CD Records) [Power Metal]
Preview

Black Lord – Black Ritual Forest (Satanath Records) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Spiritual War”

Burial Vault – Unity in Pluralism (Apostasy Records) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Return to Point Zero”

Chabtan – The Kiss of Coatlicue (Mighty Music/Target Group) [Melodeath]
Listen to “The Kiss of Coatlicue”

Chaos Synopsis – Seasons of Red (Black Legion) [Thrash]
Listen to “Son of Light”

Darkened Winter – Awaiting Ragnarök (Winterrealm Records) [Black Metal]
Preview

Deathblast/Death Thirst/Mass Hypnosia – Thrash Daisakkai (Bloodbath Records) [Death Metal]
Preview (Death Thirst)

Destruktor – Opprobrium (Hell’s Headbangers) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Besieged”

Deus Otiosus – Sis Mortuus Mondo (Godeater Records) [Blackened Death]
Stream

Distant Sun – Dark Matter (Metalism Records) [Speed Metal]
Listen to “Kill the Fremen”

Eikþyrnir – Through the Magic Mirror Gate (Independent) [Folk Metal]
Listen to “Wind Age Wolf Age”

Exit Smashed – The Total Extent of Pure Excess (Independent) [Crossover Thrash]
Listen

Feared – Synder (Independent) [Melodeath]
Stream

Feral – Where Dead Dreams Dwell (Cyclone Empire) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Swallowed by Darkness”

Fjorsvartnir – Mzoraxc’ Forbandelse (Grom Records) [Black Metal]
Listen to “En Rejse Igennem Fortidens Riger”

Galvano – Trail of the Serpent (Candlelight Records) [Sludge]
Listen to “Stench of Prey”

Gothic Fate – ILLERMINATEE (Skol Records) [Jet Fuel Can’t Melt Steel Beams]
Preview

The Juliet Massacre – Human Abuse (Independent) [Death Metal]
Stream

Karlahan – Exile (7hard/7us) [Progressive Melodeath]
Preview

Leprous – The Congregation (InsideOut Music) [Progressive Metal]
Listen to “The Price”
Review

Lucifer – Lucifer I (Rise Above Records) [Doom]
Listen to “Izrael”

Make Them Suffer – Old Souls (Roadrunner Records) [Deathcore]
Listen to “Old Souls”

Mamaleek – Via Dolorosa (The Flenser) [Hipster Black Metal]
Stream

Myrah – Until the End of Time (Art Gates Records) [Dark Metal]
Preview

Naumachia – Machine of Creation (Via Nocturna) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Multiple Personality,” “Scorched Earth”

Nidra/K.M. – Epitaph of Solitude (split- Casus Belli Musica) [Doom]
Listen

Nocturnal Depression – Spleen Black Metal (Avantgarde Music) [Black Metal]
Stream

Obsequiae – Aria of Vernal Tombs (20 Buck Spin) [Black Metal]
Stream

Omnivorous – Age of Maelstorm (Brutal Mind) [Brutal Death]
Listen to “Reprogrammed to Terminate”

The Oort Cloud – Catharsis (Cvlminis) [Doom]

Perzonal War – The Last Sunset (Metalville) [Thrash]
Listen to “Speed of Time”

Profanator – Mvttvr Vicivm (Chaos Records) [Thrash]
Listen to “Mvtter Vicivm”

Sad Eyes – Ad Dicti On (Necromance Music) [Death Metal]
Preview

Sadistic Murder – Butcher of Rostov (Rotten Cemetery Records) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Your Agony, My Joy”

Sangharsha/Blank – Intermundia (split- Holy Goat/Alerta Antifacista) [Hardcore]
Stream

Setanera – New Era (7hard Records) [Symphonic Metal]

Sounds of Fury – Mediocracy (Mighty Music) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Mediocracy”

Sterbhaus – New Level of Malevolence (Black Lodge) [Blackened Death]
Listen to “Necrostabbing the Corpsefinder”

Stormhold – Battle of the Royal Halls (Art Gates Records) [Power Metal]
Preview

Supuration – Reveries… (Listenable Records) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Suffocate Through Asphyxia”

Unmothered – UMBRA (Crowquill) [Sludge]
Stream

Uroboros – Deiphagomega (Zann’s Music) [Sludge]
Listen to “La Gloria Sea Con Aquel Que No Muere”

Vargnatt – Grausammler (Eisenwald Tonschmiede) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Allein in mir”

Will’o’Wisp – Inusto (Nadir Music) [Progressive Metal]
Listen to “Sacred Signs”

Winter’s Edge – The Deceivers (Independent) [Power Metal]

Wolfshead – Caput Lupinum (Godeater Records) [Doom]
Listen to “Mark of the Devil”

Did we forget a new release? Is there a way we could improve this list? Let us know in the comments below!

(Images VIA, VIA, VIA, and VIA)

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  • KJM

    Blood Of Pingu?
    Jet fuel can’t melt dank memes?

    • Sir Tapir the Based

      • KJM

        1 liek = 1 Dorito

  • Kevin Nash & Friends

    I like this Lucifer band. They’re very catchy and the video is awesome.

    • KJM

      I’ll be seeing them in August.

      • Kevin Nash & Friends

        Lucky. When High On Fire came to my area in January they didn’t have Lucifer with them.

        • The W.

          One could argue that Lucifer is always with them.

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            That was a good joke.

    • nbm02ss

      I’m digging it, but it really makes me realize how much I miss The Devil’s Blood.

  • Scrimm

    More Finnish DM? Count me in, but already spent my weekly music budget. Wating on the Demilich 2cd reissue to come in the mail. Waiting on the mail<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

    • “FUCK OFF!” -Howard Dean

      That reissue is wicked. I had the original press on CD already, but the reissue was potent enough for me to pick it up, too. Great sound, as well.

      • Scrimm

        Yeah I’ve been meaning to get it for some time now. I still have my original from like 95. Talk about one of the best blind buys of all time.

        • I found an original copy in a flea market a couple years ago. It is one of my most valued CDs. My blind buys are usually based on album artwork. Buying albums with good artwork frequently pays off but there are also tons of shitty djent and deathcore bands with sick artwork.

          • Scrimm

            I also found a cheap copy a few years ago but I gave it to one of my bandmates. I have bought so many albums based off artwork but you are correct these days the chance that you get something like that is much greater. Now if I see something that looks cool I’ll at least try to sample a few seconds on my phone

      • Tyree

        Dude I picked up Kriegsmaschine “Enemy of Man”, Katharsis ” Fourth Reich”, Mgla “Groza”, Abhorer “Zygotical Sabbatory Anabapt”, Impiety “Skullfucking Armageddon”, and Demoncy ” Enthroned Is the Night” this weekend.

        • Scrimm

          That’s a serious haul. I would go all out for shirts at a fest like that myself.

        • “FUCK OFF!” -Howard Dean

          Fuck yes! Nice haul.

          Fourth Reich is one of my favorite albums ever. Groza and Enemy of Man are sweet Polish rippers. Demoncy were at MDF, right? Did you see their performance?

          Also: Who was the best/worst of the fest?

          • Tyree

            Demoncy played, and they were heavy as hell! One of the filthiest sounding bands of the fest.

            Master, Obituary, Bloodbath, Primitive Man, Bulldozer, Razor, Vulcano, Engorged, Jex Thoth, Demoncy, Anaal Nathrakh, Demilich, Amorphis, DRI, and Portal were great. 1st place goes to Tsjuder for sure though.

            Cianide, Gnaw Their Tongues, Winter, and Skepticism were the bands I was least impressed with though.

          • Scrimm

            I like Cianide but from recent live videos I’ve seen it seems like there is little energy put into the performances.

          • Tyree

            There sound was fucking terrible. I’m not sure what happened. Shame since I do like the band.

          • Scrimm

            That’s the worst. I feel bad for the bands when that happens. Last time I saw Suffocation was like that. Fucking embarrasing. The sound was so quiet you could talk normally over the band, and they were visibly pissed.

          • Tyree

            Damn, that does suck. I forgot Suffocation played this year! They riiiippppeed! Frank the tank was on vocals too which was fucking so badass. He has not been on stage with Suffo for like half a year.

          • Scrimm

            Yeah I skip them when they come without him. They had him that time but it made no difference. He looked homicidal.

          • “FUCK OFF!” -Howard Dean

            Nice! I’ve always heard Tsjuder kills it live. I can always get down to Desert Northern Hell.

            I’ve heard Gnaw Their Tongues sucks live more than once. A bass guitar and a MacBook does not a band make.

            That’s disappointing that Winter was underwhelming. Their album/EP material is righteous. Guess it doesn’t translate to the stage (especially since they’ve been basically dead for two decades).

          • Did you catch ANB Tyree? I saw some video, looked like they put on a good show.

          • Tyree

            Nah, it was during the same time Tsjuder was playing. I’d liked to have seen them, but whatever. My guitarist saw them though and said they ripped. No drummer either, I was hoping they’d have one.

          • Years ago when they contemplated touring, Dave Whitte was supposed to play drums for them. It didn’t happen due to scheduling conflicts. I would’ve paid top dollar to see that.

          • Tyree

            Dave Whitte is the man! To bad he can’t play blasts any more.

    • The Beargod
      • Scrimm

        I like this too.

        • That’s a paddlin’

          Figured you would.

  • I did a double take when I saw that Roadrunner signed a deathcore band. Upcoming tour with King 810 imminent.

    • Kevin Nash & Friends

      I’m sure that’s going to happen.

      • Just listened to Make Them Suffer – why I don’t know. More like “Make Them Snooze”.

    • “FUCK OFF!” -Howard Dean

      Modern day Roadrunner is a complete joke. That label should off itself.

      The only thing worthy that could come out of that label would be reissues of classic thrash and death metal albums to which they still own licenses/rights. And maybe some Jerry Cantrell solo stuff.

      • Guacamole Jim

        Bro, you’re not down with Methods of Mayhem? You need to get– get naked!!

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KFV9_pM2c0

        • Kevin Nash & Friends

          They must like shooting their jizzy jizzum. It horrifies me that exact statement was used.

          • Guacamole Jim

            You and me both, man. This song is the cringiest of cringe songs. Although it cracks me up that everyone in the video EXCEPT for Fred Durst is naked.

        • CyberneticOrganism

          BRO I USED TO ROCK THIS IN HIGH SCHOOL

          • Guacamole Jim

            BRO THE CHICKS WERE LIKE NAKED AND TITS AND STUFF

          • CyberneticOrganism

            BRO I KNOW RIGHT?!
            *looks up porn on phone in Walgreens checkout line*

    • Guppusmaximus

      I remember when Roadrunner was a glorious label for some great acts… Not so much anymore,huh?

      • more beer

        It is a shame. How the mighty have fallen.

        • Guppusmaximus

          When they were releasing King Diamond’s work it felt like a magical time… Hearing that “Make Them Suffer” crap is rather embarrassing. *sigh*

  • I see Lolbuttz and trutherism are synonymous this week.

    • Spear

      Maybe, but there’s also this…

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qXSaUG2jUk

      • Good lord.

      • I don’t know if I should put on my wizard hat or my nerd stuffing gloves. I’m leaning toward wizard hat.

        • Spear

          Give it about two minutes and it’ll quickly become nerd stuffing gloves.

          • See comment below.

          • When it opened, I thought it was going to be epic medieval sounding folk metal. I was very wrong. The chorus isn’t bad. Dear God the verses need to go away.

          • Spear

            I tried to like it, but damn. Singer needs some vocal lessons.

          • FLUSH THEM!

            The intro was very good.

            Then: 1:34… o_o)

            Omg…

        • NOPE. Nerd gloves.

      • I’m very impressed by how the singer manages to sound like he’s straining to hit both the high and low notes when the entire melody isn’t even an octave wide. Also why have I been listening to this for 5 minutes already. Kill me.

        • I think that this is a song that I’m going to force my friend to cover with me. It must happen.

        • Spear

          Five minutes? You’re a stronger man than I. Or you hate yourself more.

          • I’m hoping Joe forwards me a promo of this so I can pen my suicide note as a review.

          • Spear

            It’ll make you really happy to know that these guys made over triple their kickstarter goal to record this album.

          • lol

          • Poseur Diposeur

            Have you seen this Link? He’s alive!

          • Jajajajaja, that pic always make me laugh! 😛

          • ME GORAK

            GORAK ALWAYS READY TO ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!

          • Gorak siempre está listo para las piedras <3

          • ME GORAK

            SÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

          • Blizzard Entertainment flew in with a last-minute sponsorship.

          • It’s cheating when you offer up wizard spells as a funding reward.

          • I suffered through the whole song. My hope that it would become good was stomped into the dirt. I’ll be back later, it is time to clense myself through several sessions of flagellation.

        • Even I stopped in 1:40…

        • tertius_decimus

          I’d rather listen to 21-minute “Prey” discharge by Brutal Truth than 5 minutes of this. Spot on.

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uX9e3ABDLzg

          • Mother Shabubu III 12 BRICKS

            Lyrics: Prey (x1600).

        • Mother Shabubu III 12 BRICKS

          This is the corniest shit I have ever heard.

          It’s so awful, yet I can’t stop listening. I must be a closet masochist or something.

      • Scrimm

        WHAT THE FUCK

      • Mother Shabubu III 12 BRICKS

        Holy shit. They look exactly like they sound.

        The second guy on the left has a look on his face like he just realized what his own band sounds like.

        • Spear

          Jesus christ.

      • CyberneticOrganism

        Is this like one of those intentionally shitty video games or movies that revels in how shitty it is? I fucking hate those.

  • Edward/Breegrodamus™

    Damn Cloud Rat, Leprous, and Unmothered are all out today and that was from just skimming this sumbitch.

    • Beau Kemp

      Can’t get hands on Leprous until June 2nd in the U.S. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: having different release dates for different regions is stupid and actually encourages piracy.

      • Edward/Breegrodamus™

        Honestly, I was just looking for a place to stream Leprous and I remembered the June 2nd U.S. release date. I agree, pretty dumb!

        • Stuff like that just encourages piracy.

          • “FUCK OFF!” -Howard Dean

            I agree that the delayed releases between NA and Europe suck, and I can see how they lead to piracy (people are not patient). I get it. I hated waiting an extra 3 weeks for Promulgation of the Fall last year.However, I sincerely hope the people who pirate this stuff early also end up purchasing the album. I fear a lot of people don’t, though, which is too bad.

            Pirating/streaming/Youtubing music is not the same as actually purchasing albums and merch from the band. Pirating gives the artist nothing at all, and streaming amounts to essentially fractions of a penny per listen. Fan of an artist/album/song? Pony up and pay for it.

          • Scrimm

            Very proud to pay for my music. Can’t say I never download anything, but it’s almost always old stuff that’s out of print, something I plan on buying asap or stuff that’s just hard to find/only available from questionable mailorder sources.

          • “FUCK OFF!” -Howard Dean

            Good man. Within the metal realm, it seems like more people in total today are paying for their music than they were 10-15 years ago. Piracy is still an issue, but it seems to be reversing a bit. That makes me happy.

          • i have zero problem giving bands moneys on bandcamp, that’s like the best thing to happen to the music industry

          • Scrimm

            It is great for the artists.

          • “FUCK OFF!” -Howard Dean

            Indeed. I was skeptical of Bandcamp at first, mostly because I didn’t know how it worked. I thought it was some type of streaming service-like a nightmarish mix of MySpace and Spotify. But then I learned labels/bands were directly selling albums and merch on there, and I jumped aboard wholeheartedly. Bandcamp is a great way to support bands and labels. I haven’t bought a digital album yet (I’m sure that day is coming), but I buy a lot of CDs via Bandcamp.

          • ME GORAK

            GROG, GORAK & GUNGA TRIO NEED START BANDCAMP!!!!!! WE NOT NEED MONEY’S THOUGH!!!!!!!! US WANT ROCKS!!!!!!

          • Scrimm

            Yeah it seems like there has been a shift back towards paying for stuff for this type of music at least. I hardly ever touch anything I’ve downloaded anyways unless it’s an old album I already love. I just don’t get the same level of enthusiasm without the physical package in front of me.

        • Scrimm

          Yeah that’s crap. Staggered release dates need to become a thing of the past.

      • This will change in July I think. Releases are supposed to have a universal date and Friday will become the designated day of the week for releases.

    • I’ve known about Cloud Rat for sometime but haven’t come around to them. I should because the vocals sound like Kat Katz who is easily one of my favorite screamers.

      • Edward/Breegrodamus™

        I hadn’t really checked out their music before catching them live here a few weeks ago. They were good enough that I checked out their stuff post-show! They played with False and Gnawed (who were both good) and another band that was not on par with the rest of the performances. False has an album coming out soon that should be awesome.

  • Guacamole Jim

    Being woken up by gut cramps is the worst. And you know every minute you’re on the shitter is going to make the next day exponentially worse.

    In better news, Galvano is pree sweet! I’m feeling the sludge today.

    • Yes on Galvano. That is like taking a swim through the Hudson River.

  • Scrimm

    Just noticed new Feral. Need a second job to keep up.

  • Tyree

    NOPE! Not buying any of this.

    • Scrimm

      Don’t lie.

      • Tyree
        • Scrimm

          Best part of that movie.

          • Tyree

            So many great cheese ball moments. This scene is definitely amazing though.

          • Hot Squirt Of Best Korea Love

            What movie is that? Looks familiar.

          • Scrimm

            Commando

          • Hot Squirt Of Best Korea Love

            Oh yeeeeeeeeeeeah! It’s been ages since I’ve seen that.

  • My picks this time:

    Feared: made by Ola Englund (from last The Haunted record). Great modern direct thrashy songs: soundcloud.com/ola-englund/sets/feared-synder/s-a7O0N

    Will’o’Wisp: proggy riffing there:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07D5pB57F1M

    Fjorsvartnir: medieval black merol for a price of 60 Donkey Kongs Kongs: https://fjorsvartnir.bandcamp.com/album/mzoraxc-forbandelse-2015

    • Spear

      Will’o’Wisp was a surprise. Usually when a band describes themselves as “prog,” they just sound like Dream Theater minus all the talent. This is pretty good, I’ll probably pick it up at some point.

      • Guppusmaximus

        Or they sound like a bad rip on DT. “Prog” Metal has been pretty dismal for a while, imho.

      • Hot Squirt Of Best Korea Love

        Or it’s a bunch of noodley weedly deedlies without any flow or consistency. Basically a bunch of mini-riffs thrown together and some oodley noodley keyboard lines here and there. There’s plenty of good prog metal, but when it’s bad, it’s an upper decker flush-fest.

    • Holy hell, that Feared record RIPS.

    • tertius_decimus

      Will’o’Wisp is interesting.

      • From this preview I would like to spin the full record to check if it follows this concept. The riffing is very strange, I think. Didn’t expect that.

    • Mother Shabubu III 12 BRICKS
  • It was the go to source for all that great Florida DM. They shit the bed when they decided to go full nu metal.

    Edit: WTF Discus? I was replying to Guppis!

  • JamesGrimm

    Got Trollfest and Ensiferum on vinyl. First vinyl purchases ever and I dont listen to folk metal.

  • Celtic Frosty

    Don’t sleep on that Unmothered EP. Shit is cash.

    • i can’t even make a joke about “sleep” and “sludge”, it’s gud!

    • Lacertilian

      Yeah man, I bought their earlier release just to jam on while I wait for this one.

  • let’s not forget our Toilet friend Hot Dad with his new EP, Webs:
    https://hotdad.bandcamp.com/album/webs

  • CyberneticOrganism

    Loving the BALMOG! m/

    … Satan.

  • EsusMoose

    New Leprous is out but isn’t on spotify. Guess today was cloudy and rainy for a good fucking reason

  • Dagon

    FLOCKA

  • Hot Squirt Of Best Korea Love

    Might actually grab the new Arkania, but I’d have to hear at least a full song from the new one first.

  • You’ve dubbed Mamaleek hipster black metal? Ouch.

    • Lacertilian

      @Stockhausen:disqus is being summoned.

  • You’ve dubbed Mamaleek hipster black metal? Ouch.

  • Pagliacci is Kvlt O)))

    “Cult of Endtime is a very Finnish death metal band. What exactly in their sound gives them away as Finns is hard to pinpoint but it’s there.”

    It’s probably all of those umlauts you’re hearing.

  • OldMetalHead

    I don’t know Ola Englund, but that new Feared sounds pretty outstanding.