This Toilet Tuesday (4/7/15)

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It’s been three months since you spontaneously began losing weight. You’re completely baffled as to why; you haven’t been exercising any more than usual, and you haven’t really changed your diet. In fact, you’ve been taking in more calories the past month than you had be prior in an effort to stifle the continued weight loss. It hasn’t helped; you’re still almost 30 pounds lighter than where you started, and you’ve been growing sicker each day. Now, finally, you’ve managed to get an appointment with your doctor. He’s asked you for a stool sample, and you sit impatiently on a hospital toilet waiting for a bowel movement.

Eventually, you feel it coming and you give a mighty push. A couple drops of foul-smelling liquid drip into the water, but nothing more comes. You can feel something still there, so you push again. Something is definitely coming out, but it doesn’t feel quite right. Confused, you glance down between your legs. You immediately regret your decision; hanging from your anus just above the water is a translucent, paper thin, inch wide… thing. You let out a pitiful whimper and grab a pair of latex gloves from above the sink. You raise yourself up to a squat and begin gently pulling the parasite out. You gag as you feel it slide through your bowels and pull a little faster. The next five minutes feel like five hours, but you finally reach the end and drop it into the toilet. You look down into the bowl again, where a 12-foot tapeworm now rests at the bottom. Victorious, you slump into the corner and pass out.

Soldier on through the strife on this glorious Toilet Tuesday.


a0050280043_10

Malthusian – Below the Hengiform (Invictus Productions) [Death/Doom]
Listen to “Forms Become Vapour” (Read the review)

Blackened death doom isn’t just the most fun genre to say these, but also one that is burgeoning. One of the best things to come out of this bleak and filthy movement is Malthusian. Their new EP, Below the Hengiform, is everything you could want from the band. It takes their sound and amplifies. Everything is nastier, deathier and doomier than it was on MMXIII, if that is even possible. I don’t know what the hell a Hengiform is, but I’m excited to be below it. (Leif Bearikson)


BYZ-album-cover-HIGH-RES

Byzantine – To Release is to Resolve (Independent) [Progressive Thrash]
Stream

Byzantine pulled a pretty convincing Lazarus maneuver with their self-titled album from 2012. It was great hearing those choice riffs and soulful vocals again. However, the reunion was short-lived as lineup changes have plagued the gang since their return. Unfortunately, To Release Is to Resolve seems to have suffered a bit as a result in terms of consistency. Still, as has always been the case with this band, when they’re on, they’re really on. Longtime fans and thrashheads will certainly find plenty to enjoy here. FFO: Satyrasis, Revocation, Soilwork (W.)


shroud eater

Shroud Eater – Face the Master (Primitive Violence) [Doom]
Stream

Pull on your waders, cuz we’re going swamp-crawlin’. Erupting onto the scene in 2009, Florida muckrakers Shroud Eater quickly made a name for themselves by dealing in a surprisingly Georgian blend of psychedelic sludge that never eases up on the aggression for artistic flair. This new EP is a killer pair of leather-backed tracks of reptilian heaviness, and fans of the sludge scene will not be disappointed. My only complaint is that we only get two tracks. Give me more! FFO: Kylesa, High on Fire, early Baroness (W.)


minsk-the-crash-and-the-draw

Minsk – The Crash and the Draw (Relapse Records) [Sludge]
Listen

Do you like post-metal? I do. For any fan of the aforementioned genre Minsk’s latest was probably one of the years most anticipated releases. Minsk carries on with a new line-up and returns to the game with a bang. Or so they’d like you to believe. It’s post-metal, so there’s bound to be dense atmosphere and well-used ambiance as well as the Incantations Towards The Most Holy Riff. All of these Minsk handles well and despite it’s extensive length it never gets boring. This is a very powerful run-of-the-mill album by one of post-metal’s greats. That’s right, it’s great but exactly the kind of great you’d expect from such seasoned masters of their trade. Perhaps it’s down to the personnel changes (one way or another) but The Crash & The Draw is still very regular in it’s magnificence and that proves it’s fatal flaw. (Karhu)


SP040

Délétéré – Les Heures de la Peste (Sepulchral Productions) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Laudes – Credo II”

Apparently there are two Quebecian black metal bands called Deletere. You’ll be wanting to check the one releasing Les Heures de la Peste on the 7th. It’ll be their debut and they’ll be releasing a compilation of their demos on the same date as well. There are no factors that would put Les Heures… miles ahead of its peers, except it being so solid an album. Foggy production compliments the rhythm guitar but leaves room for the more melodic lead guitar. Drums, vox and the audibility of the bass are black metal standard level but keys (and their use on the arpeggiated part on Laures- Credo II) make up for much. A great slab of darkness to the ever-increasingly-bright days. FFO: Glaciation, Blackbeard and people with similar taste. (Karhu)


klone

Klone – Here Comes the Sun (Pelagic Records) [Post Metal]
Listen to “Immersion,” “Nebulous”

The fun part about the “post” tag is that it can tell you a lot, or it can tell you nothing at all. In the case of Klone, it accurately foresees the spacey-yet-heavy atmosphere that’s created in the song “Immersion,” but it doesn’t prepare you for how well they tie it together, or how well vocalist Yann Ligner can sing. I mean, this dude can SING. These guys aren’t knocking down the walls with something brand new here, but the big, expansive scope of the music, the spacious production, and the memorable vocal lines that soar over it all make for a distinctly compelling listen that I definitely see myself returning to. Fans of The Ocean or Caligula’s Horse should jam. (Stockhausen)


Killer-Refrigerator-cover

Killer Refrigerator – The Fridge and the Power it Holds (Independent) [Progressive Death/Thrash]
Stream

Speaking of not knowing what to expect from a genre description, there isn’t a tag that quite sums up Killer Refrigerator. I mean, you read that band name and album title, right? And you saw the album cover? The only thing you can really expect here is that this band is probably going to friggin’ rule, and they know how to have fun. If you’re a fan of always frowning and using the term kvlt unironically, go ahead and skip this one. But if you like raucous, no-holds-barred thrashy death, wild vocal variety, and some serious technical flourishes (I drooled a little bit over that bass playing), then you’re in the right place. Chances are you also like fun, so song titles like “Slaystation” and “Slave To The Easy-Bake” won’t sway you, and a mid-album dramatic segment about attacking Godzilla with a spaghetti bomb will only add the experience. Have fun when listening to this band, because fun is better when it’s backed by serious ability and truly excellent tunes. (Stockhausen)


Agnostic Front – The American Dream Died (Nuclear Blast) [Hardcore]
Stream

Anachronism – Reflecting the Inside (Independent) [Death Metal]
Listen

Anoxide – Purge the Idols of Illusion (Independent) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Omnicsient”

Apophys – Prime Incursion (Metal Blade) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Requiem for the Absurd”

Argus – Death Hath No Conscience (Cruz del Sur) [Heavy Metal]
Listen to “Death Hath No Conscience”

Black Mountain Thunder – Lost Souls in a Godless World (Depressive Illusions) [Death/Doom]
Listen to “Thunderhead”

Black Royal – The Summoning Pt. 1 (Independent) [Doom]
Preview

Christgrinder – Whence Cometh Evil? (Independent) [Blackened Death]
Listen to “Necrodegenrate Phallus Envenomation”

Denizen – Troubled Waters (Argonauta Records) [Stoner/Hard Rock]
Listen to “Enter Truckman”

Distances – Forage & Reproduce (Independent) [Post-Metal]
Stream

Dormant Inferno/Dionysus – Beyond Forgotten Shores (Transcending Obscurity) [Doom]
Stream

Ether – Hymns of Failure (Sepulchral Productions) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Coldness”

Forward Unto Dawn – Alpha (Independent) [Metalcore]
Listen

The Grotesquery – Curse of the Skinless Bride (Cyclone Empire) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Downfall – It’s All Gone to Hell”

Gut Absorber – Gore Rock (Bret Hard/Silenced Soul) [Groove/Death Metal]
Listen to “The Butcher”

Impalers – God from the Machine (Crime Records) [Thrash]
Listen to “Future Void”

Kotiteollisuus – Kruuna/Klaava (Megamania) [Heavy Metal]

Lancer – Second Storm (Despotz Records) [Power Metal]
Listen to “Conexao”

Mythological Cold Towers – Monvmenta Antiqva (Nuktemeron Productions) [Death/Doom]
Preview

Neversun – Archaic Interpretation of Freedom (Bret Hard/Silenced Soul) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Morbid Passion”

Oshiego – Crossing the Bridge of Siraat (Horror Pain Gore Death) [Brutal Death]
Listen to “Crossing the Bridge of Siraat”

Royal Thunder – Crooked Doors (Relapse Records) [Doom/Prog]
Listen

Skyforger – Senprusija (Thundeforge Records) [Folk Metal]
Listen to “Ramava”

Speaker Eater – Ships Out of Water (Minnesconsin Records) [Doom/Sludge]
Listen to “Terraforms”

Svartgren – Prazan Grob (Zero Dimensional) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Prazan Grob”

Tales for the Unspoken – CO2 (Raising Legends) [Melodeath]
Listen to “Burned Alive”

Veld – Daemonic: The Art of Dantalian (Lacerated Enemy) [Death Metal]
Listen

Veratrum – Mondi Sopsesi (Beyond… Productions) [Blackened Death]
Listen to “Davanti alla Verita”

Wilderun – Sleep at the Edge of the Earth (Independent) [Folk Metal]
Listen to “The Garden of Fire”

Did we forget a new release? Is there a way we could improve this list? Let us know in the comments below!

(Photos VIA, VIA, VIA, VIA, VIA, VIA and VIA)

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  • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

    I love Argus so I’ll give that a listen. Same goes for Agnostic Front and Killer Refrigerator.

    • that Killer Refrigerator album title is funny because it’s a play on words from a Death song

  • YourLogicIsFlushed

    A few new post- goodies to check out today. I was surprised I didn’t care for Minsk so much last time I tried, but I’ll give this one a go.

  • Spear

    Killer Refrigerator sounds kind of like Nekrogoblikon on (more) crack.

    • Dr. Dubz

      More crack, you say? How is that possible?

      • KJM

        More crack? Go on…

    • The Beargod

      but worse, lot worse.

    • Siqq Burnington

      I can’t see Agnostic Front. It says the video is private.

    • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

      I like that idea. I’ll listen to it soon.

  • The Beargod

    Guys, disqus shows all your comments were posted an hour ago!

    • Edward/Breegrodamus™

      Not on my end Bear God.

      • The Beargod

        It shows my own comment as posted an hour ago!!!!

        • Edward/Breegrodamus™

          Refresh for image:

          • The Beargod

            Refresh for imagery:

          • KJM

            Wow, that’s fuckt.

          • Siqq Burnington

            Did you came from the future?

          • The Beargod

            Apparently. It must be some divine thing I wasn’t aware of.

          • Siqq Burnington

            Beargod, how is the future of one hour later?

          • The Beargod

            A desolate, wintry wasteland.

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            One hour later I will be eating some white chocolate and watching the Flintstones on Boomerang. I can occasionally predict my future. Sometimes I can even see my future, but not really far ahead in my future. I’ve seen at most two days into my future.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Not if I’ll stop you.

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            You cannot stop me. Finland is too far away from New York to get here in an hour

          • Metaphysical Anus

            You underestimate the powers of the Metaphysical Anus.

          • Dr. Dubz

            Voodoo doll?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            If you ever feel like your dick is getting stabbed with a needle, think of me.

          • Is it weird that I already did?

          • KJM

            I will be eating some kind of fried food and watching Ring of Honor Wrestling.

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            No.

          • Pagliacci is Kvlt O)))

            No, that’s the Australians.

        • Edward/Breegrodamus™

          Also refresh for image lol:

    • The Beargod

      I didn’t find Byzantine any good really, a shame.
      Nor the Shroud Eater, another shame.
      Don’t know what to think of Klone.

      Oh well, I’ll be listening Of Shades… here all day, heck I love this album.

      • Dr. Dubz

        I really liked a lot of the songs on Byzantine’s s/t, but this one was just lacking… something.

      • The Beargod

        But Malthusian is… interesting/pretty aight

  • No lolbuttz this week? My day is ruined.

    • Christian Molenaar [Lolbuttz]

      • Pagliacci is Kvlt O)))

        Christian Lolenaar [Molbuttz]

        • Christian Mololbuttz [Lolweinerz]

          • The Beargod

            Lolled hard, maybe because Molo = prick in Finnish and I’m as immature as they come.

    • Dr. Dubz

      Christian Molenaar [Lolbuttz]

      • The Beargod

        GMTA
        (Joe and stuff, not like my mind is great at all…)

      • FUCK, seriously???

      • It wasn’t even clever the first time.

        • Edward/Breegrodamus™

          I think the thing was that they posted the exact same comment simultaneously.

          • Guacamole Jim

            Not according to the timestamp – Joe’s came a full minute earlier.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus™

            Now mine says they came four minutes apart but I was online when it happened, they were damn close. Hold up for evidence.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus™

            Nevermind. I have them here at the same time.

          • Guacamole Jim

            Ah, I see the four minute difference now. Methinks disqus is giving us the ol runaround.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus™

            I just need a few sips of this coffee, I’ll be fine.

    • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

      All Time Low’s new album is lolbuttz that came out today. My sister wouldn’t have the same opinion though as she loves them.

      • Pagliacci is Kvlt O)))

        I only know who they are because they were at my local, non-chain music store over the weekend. From what I heard, the line was out the door and down the road. This is probably why my area can’t have nice things (other than BCI playing last year).

        • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

          My sister worships them.

      • holy crap they’re bad.

  • Scrimm

    I want to like The Grotesquery more than I do. Hopefully this new one will correct some of the problems but I doubt it, Kam Lee does the same stupid shit on everything he does.

    • Tyree

      That album art is just a tad bit silly.

      https://f1.bcbits.com/img/a0027482913_10.jpg

      • Dr. Dubz

        Hahahahahaha lolbuttz

        • Scrimm

          You know what’s lolbuttz? My local store has it…. for 28 bucks.

      • Songs inspired by The House of the Dead: Arcade

        • Dr. Dubz

          Joe, can you still hear that voice-over intro for the Dreamcast? “The Houussee… Of the Deaaad!”

      • Scrimm

        Indeed. I get that it’s a story and I can go for almost anything lovecraft inspired but that
        s a little much.

  • Tyree

    Marriages “Salome” is out today to if you are into that kind of thing.

    https://marriagesmusic.bandcamp.com/

  • Tyree

    Svartgren is pretty goddamn nasty.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AM-CE-VpD7o

    • Edward/Breegrodamus™

      Yeah. This is pretty goddamned nasty.

  • Guacamole Jim

    Dat Klone is pretty rad. Great singing. Dat tapeworm was pretty horrifying doe.

    • Dr. Dubz

      Who let you out of the tumblr hole?

      • Guacamole Jim

        I ABIDE BY NO MAN’S RULES

        I AM THE LAW

        • WHERE WE COME FROM GUACJIM IS THE LAW

          #GUACCHAPEL LYRICS

          • Guacchapel >>>>>>> Whitechapel

          • IT GOATS IT GOATS IT GOATS

            Everything >>>>>>>>> Whitechapel

          • That would be a tremendous parody! I still love me some Whitechapel though!

  • Hai guys!

    GL

  • Metaphysical Anus

    Ewww, Kotiteollisuus <<<<<. Hynynen vittu! I need to check out dat Minsk doe.

    • My heart fluttered this morning when I saw your name change 🙂

      • bah, he’s just copying me

        • All I think about when I see your name is Famous Amos Cookies.

          ALL YOU ARE IS A COOKIE.

  • IT GOATS IT GOATS IT GOATS

    There’s a record label called “Transcending Obscurity”, Isn’t that basically the same as becoming mainstream and thus selling out?

    • They primarily cover bands from countries that aren’t known for extreme music. i.e. trying to help those artists get out of obscurity.

    • Dr. Dubz

      They actually have some really legit bands. I’ve been following them closely this year.

  • make sure you handsome flushers check out Oshiego!

    • Guacamole Jim

      I’ve been out of the loop. Who did you used to be?

      • Edward/Breegrodamus™

        It’s McNulty.

        • #Iwasconfusedtoo

        • Guacamole Jim

          AH! Dammit McNulty!

        • Dr. Dubz

          You didn’t know either.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus™

            You told me yesterday. I’m just doing right by fellow members of our community. Spreading the Gospel of McNulty, so to speak.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Spreading the false prophet’s gospel, that’s a paddlin’

          • QUIT CHANGING YOUR DAMNED NAMES.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            NEVER

          • IT GOATS IT GOATS IT GOATS

            A goat changes his name exactly when he wants to.

          • You can do whatever you want, sweet satanic goat <3.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus™
          • Edward/Breegrodamus™

            Joe do you like / listen to Excruciating Terror? I think they have been on some albums with Despise You or they are related in some way somehow.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2iBgZvsRIc

          • I have their split with Man is the Bastard and a couple side projects but I’ve never really given them a solid chance.

          • Tyree

            This thing is a fucking burner! Saw them live last year, not sure how I left the venue alive.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus™

            Powerviolence Tuesdays? I wanna listen to more Clandestine Blaze too lol. Plus I have two albums at the very top of my queue that I didn’t listen to last night cause this happened.

          • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

            From powerviolence Tuesdays to Clandestine Blaze? That’s a whiplash inducing non sequitur, my breegro.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus™

            The Clandestine Blaze thing came up on the Facebook when I was just getting out of bed this morning. It was kind of a wild morning as far as music went, lol

          • Dr. Dubz

            I remember this. Just setting the record straight that you’re only a day better than Guacamole 😉

          • Edward/Breegrodamus™

            Guacamole Jim is my peer and equal. That’s racist against guacamolees.

          • Dr. Dubz

            If you rescind your crown now, you may never take it back.

  • Shrimp ov Bad Opinions

    Killer Refrigerator has the Album Title of the Year, no questions asked. Only negative thing I have to say about them is that they are not on Spotify (:(().

    • EsusMoose

      There was an album called like worship the porcelain throne or something, it was by a band with dinosaur in the title. I’ll need someone to assist in remembering this

      • Shrimp ov Bad Opinions

        Oh, that one, forgot about it. The Vomiting Dinosaurs – Worship the Porcelain God.

      • DoYouThinkHeSaurus

        on it

  • Keegan Lavern Still

    The Malthusian EP is actually delayed because they didn’t get CDs in time, and thus the digital version is still limited to Forms Become Vapor. I can’t keep this erection going for much longer without it turning purple… whoops, nevermind, already happened.

    • Edward/Breegrodamus™

      If your erection lasts more than four hours, call your doctor.

      • God ov All

        …so you he can say “niiiiice” and hi five you.

    • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

      Yep. Looked to order the CD yesterday on the Invictus web store (as it was slated for release 4/6), and it’s nowhere to be seen. Lame, ’cause I seriously need dis!

      In more positive news, Terratur Possessions is set to revamp their web store in the next few days. Yay!

      • Keegan Lavern Still

        Did the same as soon as I saw Invictus’s update. Hooray for a mercifully short wait!

  • The comments dried up. So I am starting a new one.

    Marriages is rocking my world right now. The tunes are fresh. I am loving it

    • I wrote about them yesterday
      (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

      • I guess that is what I get for being absent….

    • Edward/Breegrodamus™

      I’m eating waffles and listening to Excruciating Terror, lol

    • Edward/Breegrodamus™

      Somewhat related to what I just posted: it’s crazy/cool/(sexy) that Youtube has become a legit source for “rare” music. My home stereo eliminates a lot of quality issues, cause everything sounds good on it.

      • Sweet !

      • “youtube sounds like garbage”
        -JAG

        • Tyree

          Is it in HD?

        • KJM

          So did AM radio but it’s where I found a lot of my favorite music as a kid.

      • KJM

        90% of the time I’m listening to music at home so same thing here.

    • Emma Ruth Rundle is in a few bands i see! going to jam her projects all day…

  • J.R.

    Of course there is a band called Forward Unto Dawn.

    Anyone want to be in my new project, “Pillar of Autumn”?

  • brotip: if you’re ever having a crappy day/week/whatever, just log onto the chive and make it worse! (RFI)

  • Did any of you guys see that Gojira is recording a new album? Anyway – here is a video of their new studio. The drumming in the video is sick.

    GL

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZJlkuJ2VeY

    • i am close to being as excited as you are, to hear new Gojira!!! Le Infant Sausage was good but needed just a little extra kick!

    • 2015 is going to shit on 2014 from such a height…..

      • you are correct sir. Origin, Nile, Scrimm’s Band, Cattle Decapitation, Gojira!! maybe a few more Scab albums?!?!

        • I bought Cattle Decapitation’s latest this morning. That purchase put me over 3000 purchased songs. BOOM

        • Origin? Are you sure?

        • Tyree

          New Gadget album this year too. Looking forward to dat grinder.

          • mother of pearl, that shit’s fantastic! wasn’t aware of them

          • Tyree

            Very underrated Swedish grind.

      • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

        I’ve been saying this since the end of last year (when a lot of 2015 albums were announced), but I think 2014 will likely be the superior year (for me, at least). It’s gonna take a few unexpected announcements (ahem, DsO, Katharsis, Funeral Mist, Nokturnal Mortum) for 2015 to compete at all with 2014. Probably won’t happen.

  • Siqq Burnington

    Listened to everything with Doom tags:
    Malthusian: I’m not feeling it, I think is because of the raw sound quality.
    Shroud Eater: this is not doom, is hardcore with doom riffs and some psychedelic parts, it’s great though.
    Black Royal: preview, didn’t get a good idea of how it is.
    Dormant Inferno/Dionysus: great split, one fall more on the death metal side with some dark ambient, and the other is more black metal.
    Mythological Cold Tower: another preview, next.
    Royal Thunder: awesome, I recommend this even for people who doesn’t like doom (@James_Jimmy_Mcnulty:disqus), the prog excel the doom here, so it’s not so slow like most of doom, and the vocals are perfect.
    Speaker Eater: meh, not feeling it.

    • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

      Proven fact: Those that do not heed and worship praise unto the awesomeness of Malthusian are damned to become the first victim’s of our prophet Thomas Robert’s Scenario of Unrestrained Growth. So sayeth the soothsayer says so.

      • Siqq Burnington

        Listened again, the musicianship is perfect but the production is a big let down for me.

        • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

          In the dirge-/cavernous death metal world, that type of production is the norm. It can take some getting used to, I admit.

  • JWG

    A post allowing me to gush about Minsk was the article that drew me into FFB in the first place*, so basically without being a fan of that band I’d never have found my (Internet) way to TovH. So they’re quite possibly the most important band in the world (to me and my continuing metal education).

    * Technically it wasn’t the first FFB post I had read (Grim Kim’s sharing of Harrow a week earlier was the first). But it’s the one that got me to stick around…

  • the VELD is tasty

  • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

    Malthusian CD preordered! It’s set to be released next week! Pumped as though I’ve been drinking green tea all goddamned day!

    Might take a look/listen at that Délétéré, too.

    Side note: Minsk is pretty solid, but my fuck–am I ever tired of “post-metal.” Snore. Vomit.

  • CT-12

    This one’s for 365DaysofHorror, Scrimm, frozengoatshead…, and all other horror lovers! http://noisey.vice.com/blog/acid-witch-im-back