This Toilet Tuesday (4/21/15)

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It’s been three weeks since the constipation started, and there’s no end in sight.

You’ve tried almost everything to make it go away: drinking lots of water, eating more fiber, even laxatives, but nothing seems to have helped. The poo will not pass. In one desperate last-ditch attempt to force a movement, the tools for your plan sit on a plate before you; three of the cheapest, foulest gas station burritos you have ever laid eyes upon. You tear into them with reckless abandon, emptying an entire bottle of Cholula sauce onto the insalubrious trio. The effects take place almost immediately; a bubble of gas forms rapidly in your abdomen. You rush to the toilet, hopeful that your plan will succeed. The gas continues to build up, but you don’t feel the blockage shifting at all. You close your eyes and take a couple short breaths as the pain intensifies. Looking down, you see your abdomen has visibly swollen and is rapidly expanding; the gas must be blocked in completely. The pain has become unbearable to the point of being unable to think properly. You try to hatch a plan to stop this, but it’s too late. With a horrendous tearing sound, your stomach wall bursts open and coats the opposite wall in a Creosotean spray of mulched intestine and undigested burrito. The tattered remains of your spinal column give out and what’s left of your torso collapses forth into the viscera. With your final ragged breath, you only wish you had chosen a better last meal.

Don’t settle for mediocrity on this glorious Toilet Tuesday.


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Cranial Implosion – Lost on Dead Dominions (Rotten Cemetery) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Monster With No Remorse”

I realized not too long ago that it had been awhile since I had gotten down and dirty with some straight up death metal. I could only think of a couple death metal albums I had gotten into recently that weren’t a hybrid form of the genre, but here comes Cranial Implosion to the rescue! There’s only one track off the forthcoming album up at the moment, but it absolutely punishes. With a barrage of blast beats and intricate, relentless riffing, these guys demonstrate a knack for keeping things interesting within the tried and true framework of death metal. I’m looking forward to hearing this whole album. (Stockhausen)


a3572646951_10

Oblivionized – Life Is A Struggle, Give Up (Secret Law Records) [Grindskronk]
Listen to “Life Is A Struggle, Give Up”

As soon as I clicked play on “Life Is A Struggle, Give Up,” I thought to myself Oh, it’s that kind of party, and then punched my mailman. This is the sort of unhinged party where anything goes. Oblivionized live up to their name with a mess of wild, grindy chaos inspired by equal parts hardcore and death metal. An easy, initial comparison would be the frenetic energy of The Dillinger Escape Plan, but a lot nastier and way meaner. This record is going to be exhausting, but well worth it. (Stockhausen)


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Acrania – Fearless (Independent) [Death Samba]
Listen to “People of the Blaze”

Our fearless leader Spear described Acrania as death samba, and that’s about as good a descriptor as you’re going to get for this unique death metal band. On People of the Blaze, Acrania have taken a traditional death metal tortilla and stuffed it full of spicy horns, sizzling tabla rhythms, and hearty Latin guitar work to create quite the appetizing burrito. This is zesty stuff sure to appeal to those looking for something beyond the norm. FFO: Vita Imana, Xipe Totec, Ankla (W.)


ereb altor nattramn

Ereb Altor – Nattramn (Cyclone Empire) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Nattramn”

A few weeks ago, Masterpyjamas mentioned that there was at least one fan of Ereb Altor on the blog. As fate would have it, I am that man. Ereb Altor aren’t doing anything particularly novel for the black metal world with Nattramn, but the stampeding riffs and dynamic atmosphere are sure to appeal to other fans of the subgenre. FFO: Bathory, Falkenbach, Moonsorrow (W.)


Drudkh-A-Furrow-Cut-Short

Drudkh – A Furrow Cut Short (Season of Mist) [Black Metal]
Stream

Yay! The Hyrkanian (or Ukrainian, whatevs) black metallers with folk-tinge are back! Heavy, epic, majestic you could keep on piling these words. If you’ve ever listened to Drudkh you know what you’re getting. Sawing riffs, angry vocals and pounding drums joined by melodic leadwork with a folk-sensibility. Only that this time around much of the melodies are buried beneath the riffs. Many of these songs feel very similar; so similar in fact that it turns to a negative. The songs blend and blur together with only few standout moments. When the album doesn’t start very strong or memorable and some of the longest songs take seven minutes before distinguishing themselves from the others, only to end two short minutes later it can spell boredom for all but the most devoted fans. It’s not that the songs are completely indistinguishable, but there’s just one feeling throughout these songs, one face, the could be of the same composition. This is not to say I wouldn’t enjoy the album, “Embers” and “Till Foreign Grounds…” are some of Drudkh’s better songs but the album doesn’t quite stand tall enough. (Beargod)


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Lustre – Blossom (Nordvis) [Atmospheric Black Metal]
Listen to “Part 3”

I’ve always like Lustre’s take on ambient black metal, which is to play tingly synth sounds over some vague distorted guitars and rhythms and throw in some more atmospheric moments for a measure. It’s always been perfect music-to-get-absolutely-shitfaced-and-go-wandering-in-the-forest-in-the-middle-of-the-night. Blossom doesn’t really seek to change anything,  so if you didn’t like it before go get yourself a big mug satanjuice or whatever it is they drink over there at the nofeelsland. (Beargod)


500505

Mardelas – Mardelas I (King Records) [Power Thrash]
Listen to “Eclipse”

It seems there is a lot of kickass thrash/power/melodic metal coming out of Japan lately (DestroseBridearMary’s Blood, and Jupiter to name a few), and I’m totally okay with that. Mardelas are the latest, featuring tons of aggressive riffage, bombastic shreds, and a singer with an incredibly intense vibrato. Eclipse is fun, catchy, and fast; if the rest of the album is good, it’ll totally be worth the import price. (Spear)


4Arm – Survivalist (Independent) [Thrash]
Listen to “Fragment of a Dream,” “Poisoned Mind”

Abiotic – Casuistry (Metal Blade) [Tech Death]
Listen to “Cast into the Depths”

Ages – The Malefic Miasma (Black Lodge Records) [Black Metal]
Listen to “The Malefic Miasma”

Alastor Sanguinary Embryo – For Satan and the Ruin of the Divine (Satanath Records) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Summoning the Beast of Stigmata”

Apothecary – Drifting Towards the Ancients (Independent) [Death/Doom]
Listen to “Fortune Doesn’t Smile on the Damned”

Artizan – The Furthest Reaches (Pure Steel Records) [Power Metal]
Listen to “Supernova”

Austerymn – Sepulcrum Viventium (Memento Mori) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Feeding the Grotesque”

Black Magik – Providence (Malicious) [Thrash]
Listen to “The Watchers”

Black Soul Horde/Dexter Ward – Black Soul Horde/Dexter Ward (split- No Remorse) [Heavy/Speed Metal]
Listen to “Protector of the Dead” (BSH)“Rendezvous With Destiny” (DW)

Celtachorn – Nuada of the Silver Arm (TrollZorn) [Black Metal]
Listen to “King Eochaid’s Fall”

Dark Quarter – Ithaca (Metal On Metal) [Power Metal]
Listen to “Escape,” “Last Fight”

David Shankle Group – Still A Warrior (Pure Steel Records) [Power Metal]
Listen to “Still A Warrior”

Deathblow – The Other Side of Darkness (Independent) [Thrash]
Listen to “The Other Side of Darkness”

Deez Nuts – Word is Bond (Century Media) [lolnuttz]
Listen to “What’s Good?” (Review)

Demonical – Black Flesh Redemption (Agonia Records) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Cursed Liberation”

Demonic Death Judge/Coughdust – Demonic Death Judge/Coughdust (split- Inverse records) [Sludge]
Listen to “Polar Beard” (DDJ)

Disrupted – Morbid Death (Memento Mori) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Buried in Bowels”

Dys Inbunden – One With Morbidity, the Opus Misanthropy (Liflatinn Productions) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Draconigena”

Entropy O.A.C. – Dark Clouds and Clarity (Independent) [Metalcore]
Listen to “Realm of Grey”

Forefather – Curse of the Cwelled (Seven Kingdoms) [Folk Metal]
Listen to “When Our England Died”

Grethor – Cloaked in Decay (Independent) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Somnia Malum Infinitum,” “Hemispheres Decaying”

Gruesome – Savage Land (Relapse Records) [Death/Thrash]
Listen

Heathen Foray – Into Battle (Massacre Records) [Power/Death Metal]
Listen to “Fight”

Horse Lung – Gethsemane Haze (Independent) [Doom]
Listen to “Riff Wizard”

Incinerate – Eradicating Terrestrial Species (Comatose Music) [Death Metal]
Preview

Khors – Night Falls onto the Fronts of Ours (Candlelight Records) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Following the Ways of Blood”

Kontinuum – Kyrr (Candlelight Records) [Progressive Black/Doom]
Listen to “In Shallow Seas”

Kult of Taurus (Forever Plagued) [Black Metal]
Preview

Mare Infinitum – Alien Monolith God (Solitude Productions) [Death/Doom]
Listen to “The Nightmare Corpse-City of R’lyeh”

Mizantropia – Oblivion (Metal Scrap Records) [Melodeath]
Listen

Mournful Lines – Beneath Lies the Sorrow (Independent) [Melodeath]
Preview

Mud Factory – Project Extinction (Nocturne Media) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Dig My Own Grave”

Neter – Idols (Metallic Media/Plague Records/Satanath Records) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Triumphant March”

Nightrage – The Puritan (Despotz Records) [Melodeath]
Listen to “Kiss of a Sycophant”

Nomans Land – Last Crusade (Massacre Records) [Viking Metal]
Listen to “Last Crusade”

Orok – Ubermensch (Signal Rex) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Death of God”

Pestkult – Soul Collector (Satanath/Narbentage Produktionen) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Fuckin’ Hell”

Psychonaut 4 – Dipsomania (Talheim Records) [DSBM]
Listen to “Don’t Leave the Room”

Ravage Machinery – Subordinates of the Mechanism (One Man Army) [Death Metal]
Preview

Raven – Extermination (SPV) [Speed Metal]
Listen to “Destroy All Monsters”

Risen Prophecy – Into the Valley of Hinnom (Metal On Metal) [Power Thrash]
Listen to “To the Wolves”

Satanic Assault Division – Kill the Cross (Black Plague/Satanath Records/Metallic Media) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Kill the Cross”

Serpentine Creation – The Fiery Winds of Armageddon (Satanath Records) [Black Metal]
Listen to “The Satan’s Supremacy”

Shakhtyor – Tunguska (Cyclone Empire) [Doom/Sludge]
Listen to “Pechblende,” “Schlagwetter”

Shining – IX – Everyone, Everything, Everywhere, Ends (Season of Mist) [Black Metal]
Stream

Stonegriff – Come Taste the Blood (Metal On Metal) [Doom]
Listen to “Come Taste the Blood”

Taiga – Gaia (Symbol of Domination) [DSBM]
Listen

Tony MacAlpine – Concrete Gardens (Independent) [Instrumental Shred]
Listen to “Concrete Gardens”

Tysondog – Cry Havoc (Rocksector Records) [Heavy/Speed Metal]
Preview

Unleashed – Dawn of the Nine (Nuclear Blast) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Where is Your God Now?”

Voice of Ruin – Consumed (Tenacity Music) [Melodeath]
Listen to “Our Need to Consume”

Whorion – Reign of the 7th Sector (Inverse Records) [Death Metal]
Preview

Wolfssang – Verwegene Einsamkeit (Schwarzburg Produktionen) [Black Metal]
Preview

Did we forget a new release? Is there a way we could improve this list? Let us know in the comments below!

(Photos VIA, VIA, VIA, VIA, VIA, VIA, and VIA)

  • Edward/Breegrodamus™

    Grindskronk

    I know what I’m up to for the next two minutes and seventeen seconds ❤

    • I was a little (only a little) bummed to find it just sounds like Psyopus.

      • Dr. Dubz

        Now there’s a name I haven’t heard in some time.

        • Slambulance and I have mentioned them with some regularity…come on now.

          • Dr. Dubz

            You act like I read the words you write.

            (I actually do, but I guess I haven’t noticed y’all mentioning them. I kinda forgot about them, honestly.)

          • Edward/Breegrodamus™

            I read so much on here, it’s a little silly when someone is like

            “I wrote about that band two months ago what the fuck Edward, what in the fuck really you forgot?”

          • Everyone else can (or is just me who cares?)

          • Dr. Dubz

            I have a pretty good memory of what’s been covered on here most of the time, but Joe is some sort of idiot savant when it comes to bands we’ve covered. He’s all, “I think we’ve written about Void Ritual before. Oh yes, it was on the second GLAB post ever.”

          • Just the other day he posted the VERY FIRST thing in my best of 2014 list as if no one else had heard it before :””'(

          • Dr. Dubz

            He knows everyone ignores you as that weird kid who knows every band but hates them all anyway.

          • TO BE FAIR, I can’t read Thai so that name was unfamiliar in English.

          • Inability to read Thai = trve mark ov a poser

          • Guacamole Jim
          • Shrimp ov Whatever

            You say that with that haircut m8.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus™

            A lot of people care. I’ve gotten the third degree more than once for that sort of thing.

          • KJM

            “I care…”

        • Pagliacci is Kvlt O)))
      • Edward/Breegrodamus™
      • Tyree

        Gross.

  • Guacamole Jim
  • Dr. Dubz

    That intro reminds me of the Dexter’s Lab episode when he eats the giant burrito and thinks he’s dying.

    • J.R.

      I wanted to be Action Hank when I grew up.
      Oh the lofty ambitions of childhood. Be they like Icarus, struck down by a sun of laziness and inaction? Or are they cast from our hearts like Odysseus from his home, to return after a long life, to slay those who have imposed and invigorate once again?
      I need to nap

  • Guacamole Jim

    Went to listen to the Grindskronk and saw this in the comments section. I lol’d heartily, then had my earholes blasted off by HOW FUCKING AWESOME THAT SONG IS. (refresh for image)

    • YourLogicIsFlushed

      Le Reddit Army has Arrived. *Tips Fedora*

      • Dr. Dubz

        Check out this euphoric le gem I just found. DAE the 90s?

    • Edward/Breegrodamus™

      “Monster With No Remorse” is also cool.

    • Sir Tapir the Based

      I’m a lovable Tapir? Seems like I’ve failed.

      • Shrimp ov Whatever

        Doesn’t failing mean that you succeded?

      • Guacamole Jim

        It was opposite day that day, don’t you remember?

  • Shrimp ov Whatever

    Now I need someone to calculate how much pressure you would actually need to apply to burst open a stomach.

    • TheRedman(formerly God ov All)

      A whole little ceasers pizza.

      • EsusMoose

        Thanks for reminding me to get oneof those bacon crust pizzas, I almost forgot.

    • J.R.

      Probably depends on the stomach. Itd probably blow back up your mouth though, so instead of exploding out you’d just become a vomitous fount of filth and blood and burrito

  • Sir Tapir the Based

    Ayyyy, I love Oblivionized. The album is on spotify. Still waiting for my cd to arrive.

    • Dr. Dubz

      Thanks! I know what I’m jamming in my hotel tonight.

      • Edward/Breegrodamus™

        * I know what I’m jamming with my cup of coffee this morning.

        • Guacamole Jim

          * I know where I’m jamming my cup of coffee this morning.

        • I know what I’m jamming during gta*

    • Edward/Breegrodamus™

      Tapir you speak the truth. I like that shit.

  • TheRedman(formerly God ov All)

    Shining is fucking awesome. Methinks I should look at their back catalog.

  • Death Samba >>>>
    also, lolnuttz>>>

  • Celtic Frosty

    Guys…Tribulation? Is this thing on?

    • Edward/Breegrodamus™

      Fish God told us about that album yesterday, I was dismayed he had gotten the option to stream before us ‘Muricans.

    • Spear

      Dammit. There’s always going to be something that slips through the cracks. I am but one man with only so much time.

    • AND IT RULES!

      • Celtic Frosty

        Yes it does. Very much so.

    • The Horror!

  • Goat of Dank desires

    Oblivionized is my kind of party.

    • Stockhausen

      F U MAILMAN.

  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

    Who wants to get touched in their naughty bits?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djbCt7SfWPc

    • Goat of Dank desires

      Not by you you creep.

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        Lame.

      • Tyree

        Don’t you have to get sacrificed or some shit?

    • Sir Tapir the Based

      My naughty bits are in a pickle jar.

      • Goat of Dank desires

        AN pickle jar

        • Sir Tapir the Based

          I guess I’ve failed again.
          *jumps*

          • Goat of Dank desires

            ..

  • #LinkPicksOnThisToiletTuesday:

    Mare Infinitum: Cthulhu inspired doom merol.

    Raven: old speed sound for those days. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skb0oN1GftI

  • I’m stoked you all get to hear the new Deez Nuts album in full for the first time!

    • Jesus Built My Hot Dog

      I’m getting images of Emmure and Attila in my head after hearing the name (not a good thing!).

      • I genuinely like it quite a bit but yeah, it’s pretty dumb.

      • Maik Beninton

        It’s good man.
        It’s like those minus the bad rapping, the chugs and the Deathcore vocals.

      • Deez Nuts is a little ignorant but lumping them in with those two is a bit harsh. At least you can listen to Deez Nuts and not turn it off.

        • Jesus Built My Hot Dog

          I’ll give them a listen, but that’s the mental image I got from hearing the name. That’s all.

    • Celtic Frosty
  • Celtic Frosty

    Dat Oblivionized, tho.

    • Edward/Breegrodamus™

      It’s a 28 minute thrill ride.

      • RustyShackleford

        Exactly what I wanted to jam this morning.

      • Lacertilian

        your trill has an h in it.
        Sorry, I still don’t totally know what it means anyway, just seen you and @James_Jimmy_Mcnulty:disqus posting it often

    • a little too weedly and deedly to me.

      • Reminds me of alterbeast with more of those. Also has the old Son of Aurelius vocalist

        • Stanley

          It’s the current Son of Aurelius vocalist (who I guess wanted to get back to some death metal vocals) and the drummer.

          • Yea I stand corrected. I just assumed since the vocals were so radically different on under a western sun that it was a different dude. It is not, color me impressed.

        • Guess it’s made up of a bunch of dudes from other bands. I just think the songwriting is all over the place, lacks coherence, but that’s how lots of tech death is anyway.

          • I’m listening to the full album atm. Much better than this song

          • Actiondonkey

            I heard this song a few weeks ago; sounds great on headphones but probably not so much on car speakers.

  • looks like I’ll be spending a bunch of money on this here tuesday

    • Edward/Breegrodamus™

      “I just don’t know what to do about this guy anymore”

      – Jack Bauer’s wallet

      • My wallet was bound and gagged ages ago lol. It’s not allowed to complain

  • The Beargod

    Oblivionized is good at least.

    • Sir Tapir the Based

      Yo, have you listened to the new Circle and Pharaoh Overlord albums? They are sounding mighty tasty to me.

    • Sir Tapir the Based

      Yo, have you listened to the new Circle and Pharaoh Overlord albums? They are sounding mighty tasty to me.

      • The Beargod

        Not yet, but I will.

        • Sir Tapir the Based

          My copies arrived today. ‘Twas a nice surprise.

  • Edward/Breegrodamus™

    Tribulation’s The Children of the Night made it to America!

  • Jesus Built My Hot Dog

    There’s actually a band on CM called Deez Nuts?! Wow………..just wow.

    • KJM

      They sound exactly the way you expect them to.

    • Dr. Dubz

      Joe wrote a mini-review last week…

      • Jesus Built My Hot Dog

        How I missed that, I’ll never know.

  • Today is a good day:

    New releases.
    Cloudy day.
    No extreme Maracaibo heat.
    I could wake up early and came early to work.
    Listened new Tribulation and I’m listening Super Smash Bros. OST.
    A dear toiletter shared with me some of his/her new music (it rules!).

    Now I have good vibes to destroy my students today, because more than half of the classroom was extremely awful in the written test.

    RELAX!

  • Tyree

    That ÖRÖK song is pretty fucking killer.

    • Celtic Frosty

      Whoa, yeah it is. I just wishlisted the fuck out of that.

  • Does oblivionized have a bandcamp?

    • RustyShackleford

      They do, but when I went there it just sent me to a different site to order their CD. Couldn’t find a digital version =

      https://oblivionized.bandcamp.com/

      • Yea that’s what happened to me. Only one song on teh bandcamp

  • Pagliacci is Kvlt O)))

    Too many YouTube links this week (blocked at work) is making me a sad clown.

  • Maik Beninton

    I’ve always wondered what would happen if you mixed metal and samba.
    This is nice, might take a few listens to fully enjoy.

  • Not much death metal is catching my ear lately but Cranial Implosion sounds like the goods, great riffs and vocals. I already knew I would like Oblivionized based on the description.

  • I’d highly recommend Gruesome’s new album. It so perfectly sounds like a lost Death album that was recorded between Scream Bloody Gore and Leprosy. Definitely one of my favorites this year so far.

  • JamesGrimm

    Oblivionized is great. modern prometheus was awesome.

  • Celtic Frosty

    LOL Deez Nuts is terrible

  • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater

    I like Artizan a lot. Their last two were very good. I’ll give the new one a listen soon.

  • Lacertilian

    So glad they don’t sell burritos at the servos around here, the guys at work would be all over that shit and the truck would become a wasteland of excremist.

  • Lacertilian

    Had some time to check through these this week –
    Oblivionized took me back to the uni years of tripping balls listening to Psyopus.
    Arcania are crazy, 4arm = surely Trivium worship.
    Apothacery grabbed my interest, shame it’s only one track for now though.
    Now I know why I’ve seen the Gruesome name appearing everywhere, fark!
    That first Mare Infinitum track is all over the place, has futuristic elements followed directly with ancient sounding synth progressions, with contrasting vocals to go along with it.
    Neter have some riffs on display, probably please fans of Abysmal Dawn etc.
    Shakhtyor are surely hoping for another Tunguska event so they can do the OST.
    Cheers @disqus_4cmy05mgrZ:disqus, ya dun good again

  • HessianHunter

    HORSE LUNG IS GOOD LISTEN TO IT