This Toilet Tuesday (3/3/15)

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“Have another drink!” they said. “The pizza hasn’t been out that long,” they said. “They” are terrible people, you think to yourself as you sit slumped over the toilet bowl. You regret everything you’ve done over the past eight hours, having overindulged in everything you could get your hands on. You wish you could take it all back, but there is no escaping this unholy throne until you have paid your dues.

You feel the Gordian knot that is your stomach tighten, and you sit upright and brace yourself. Feeling the bile rise, you tense up… and shit yourself. You look over your shoulder in shock. Sure enough, a pool of foaming brown slime is spreading on the floor below you. The site of it makes you gag and you take in a sharp breath. You can taste it on the air. This pushes you over the edge and you begin to vomit. Unfortunately, you don’t manage to turn your head back to the toilet quickly enough, coating the walls in your wretched expulsions. Your drunken mind reeling and your head spinning, you tumble over into your shit puddle. With your legs still in the squatting position, your bowels loose themselves onto the befouled tile once more. You groan and roll over in a final attempt to save the bathroom from further defilement. Your hand hits the floor a little too hard, sending droplets of liquid feces flying into your face. You taste a little enter your mouth and you vomit once again. Your shaking arm gives out from underneath you, and you slip face-first into the noxious mixture. Thoroughly defeated, you reach up to flush away the little vomit you managed to get in the bowl. Something clogs and it backs up. You weep as you feel its cold, vile waters wash over you.

As the toilet receives, so shall it give. Bathe in the putrescence of This Toilet Tuesday.


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Sarinvomit – Baphopanzers of the Demoniacal Brigade (7 Gates of Hell) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Swallowed by Perdition Holes,” “Pandemonic Radiation Descends”

I know, I know, we’ve all heard this before, but let’s listen to it again. This may be your average Bestial Blackened Death/Thrash with a side of warmetal and bronydeath, topped with some bloody-as-hell screeches as “vocals” but it gets the job done better than many others. I doubt this four song debut EP is going to make a lotta lists or be listened to years from now,  but in the meanwhile I’ll be jamming this in the corner. (Karhu)


Sannhet---Revisionist-Front-Cover-Final-1500x1500

Sannhet – Revisionist (The Flenser) [Instrumental Post-Whatever]
Stream

Let’s get one thing straight, yon heathens: The Flenser rules, and that’s that. They’ve continued their tradition of releasing imaginative, thought-provoking metal by picking up Sannhet for their new album, Revisionist. The instrumental classification is likely to throw off some listeners, but the spacey, post-something-or-other wash of sound will surely hook those inclined to check it out. This outfit makes a lot of big sound for just three dudes, and they are particularly well known for their live show featuring an elaborate light show that is controlled live by the members. If you can’t catch them in person, then sit back and dig on the fantastic harmonic tension created by the excellent lines of bassist AJ Annunziata, the spacey perfection of guitarist John Refano, and the busy, yet tasteful drumming of Chris Todd. (Stockhausen)


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Pyriphlegethon – Night of Consecration (Independent) [Black Metal]
Stream

Let’s get one thing straight, yon heathens: I’m no poser, and that’s that. So when an opportunity to check out a new album from Mories comes up, I’m going to jump at the chance. The man is a multi-faceted machine that never stops cranking out dark, fascinating music, and Night of Consecration is no exception. While surely rooted in a raw form of black metal, there’s an unmistakable post- feel to many of the tracks. That being said, there’s really no substitute for sitting down and taking his albums in over a good amount of time; a multitude of layers will surely unfold for the listener. Check out his discography here, and stream the new Pyriphlegethon above.


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Ancst/Ast – Ancst/Ast (split- Vendetta Records) [Black Metal]
Stream

Upon hearing the opening notes of “Blame Chord,” I immediately ran outside and began windmilling in the raging blizzard, holding my speakers aloft as I have held many an invisible orb of power. Ancst play my favorite brand of black metal, and they do a damn fine job of it. Ast are equally delightful, but more for their progressive styling and tasty lo-fi production. Both bands incorporate a hefty dose of punk into their sound as well; Ancst in their attitude and vocals that are equal parts shout and scream, and Ast in their outside-the-box chords and song structures. These are two great tastes that taste great together. (Spear)


a2712680805_10

Leviathan – Scar Sighted (Profound Lore) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Within Thrall,” “All Tongues Toward”

I need to confess something. I’m a Leviathan noob. But now I’ve seen Wrest’s face, and I’m a believer. “Within Thrall” is an absolute banger of a song, from the pained vocal squeals to the blistering riffs to the throbbing drums. This is weird, unsettling black metal, and it hits just right. The Leviathan cometh, and none shall stand in its way. FFO: Kreig, Panopticon, Twilight (W.)


Enslaved-In-Times-e1418677164809

Enslaved – In Times (Nuclear Blast) [Progressive Black Metal]
Stream

Enslaved have rightfully earned their place in the black metal pantheon. Deftly transitioning from a searing and raw black metal force to a progressive weaver of soulful aural adventures, the band has only been consistent in the quality of its releases. However, you can always count on being thoroughly enchanted when you press play on a new Enslaved record, and from what I’ve heard of In Times, this album will not be an exception. Unfortunately, you Northamerikaners are going to have to wait another week for the release on this side of the pond. Get hyped. FFO: Blut Aus Nord, Keep of Kalessin, Bathory (W.)


Apostate – Time of Terror (Ferrum) [Doom]
Listen to “Pain Served Slow”

Axemaster – Overture to Madness (Pure Steel Records) [Heavy Metal]
Listen to “Sanity’s Requiem”

Autumnia – Two Faces of Autumn (Solitude Productions) [Doom]
Listen to “…By Your Hand,” “Increasing the Grief Terrestrial”

Black Chord – Misery Doctrine (Independent) [Death Metal]
Stream

Black Jade – The Downfall Session (Black Tower Production) [Black Metal]

Bleak Revelation – Afflictive Seclusion (Independent) [Death/Doom]
Listen to “Egotistic Considering”

Caveat – Kobayashi Maru (Tridroid) [Death/Doom]
Stream

Chaos Divine – Colliding Skies (Firestarter Music) [Prog Metal]
Listen to “Soldiers”

D.HATE – L.I.F.E. (Metal Scrap) [Death/Groove Metal]
Listen to “Splitmind”

Fhoi Myore/Wyrms – Les Limbes Pourpres/Mehxohorr- Les IV Dimensions Cosmogoniques (split- Ossuaire Records) [Black Metal]
Listen (NSFW)

Foetal Juice/Human Landfill – Foetal Juice/Human Landfill (Grindscene) [Grindcore]
Listen to “Albert Grindstein”

Fog – Mors Atra (Sliptrick Records) [Black Metal]
Listen to “The Sick Part of your Brain”

Forces United – II (Metalism Records) [Power Metal]
Stream

Garden of Worm – Idle Stones (Svart Records) [Doom]
Listen to “Summer’s Isle Including Caravan”

Heavydeath – Eternal Sleepwalker (Svart Records) [Death/Doom]
Listen to “Ascending”

Himinbjorg – Wyrd (European Tribes) [Viking Metal]
Listen to “The World of Men Without Virtue”

Impellitteri – Venom (Frontiers Music) [Power Metal]
Preview

Iron Kobra – Might & Magic (Independent) [Speed Metal]
Listen to “Vanguard of Doom”

Kjeld – Skym (Hammerheart Records) [Black Metal]
Stream

Kurhan – Głód (Arachnophobia Records) [Blackened Death]
Stream

Kyrbgrinder – Chronicles of a Dark Machine (Cherry Red Records) [Prog Metal]

Last Minute to Jaffna – Volume II (Argonauta Records) [Doom/Drone]
Listen to “Chapter XV”

Lucidity – The Oblivion Circle (Inverse Records) [Death/Doom]
Listen to “Conjuring Veil”

Maestus – Voir Dire (Glossolalia Records) [Doom]
Listen to “Weeping Granite”

Maladie – …Still… (Apostasy Records) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Inexistentia”

Moonspell – Extinct (Napalm Records) [Black/Gothic Metal]
Listen to “Extinct”

Narvik – The Snake of Paradise (Independent) [Black Metal]

Neoheresy – Wyrocznia (Hell Is Here Productions) [Folk/Black Metal]
Stream

Neolith – Izi.Im.Kurnu-Ki (Non Serviam) [Blackened Death]
Listen to “Of the Angel and his Orison”

Night – Soldiers of Time (Gaphals) [Heavy Metal]
Listen to “Across the Ocean”

Overtorture – A Trail of Death (Apostasy Records) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Embrace the End”

Plage – Den Kristne Stank (Independent) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Den Kristne Stank”

Red Moon Architect – Fall (Playground Music) [Death/Doom]
Listen to “Cradle”

Scarab – Serpents of the Nile (Vicisolum Records) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Serpents of the Nile,” “Pyramid of Illusions”

Shellfin – Cities Without Names (Independent) [Doom]
Stream

Shepherd – Stereolithic Riffalocalypse (Independent) [Doom/Sludge]
Stream

Stubborm – Luto e Terra (Independent) [lolbuttz]
Listen to “Obsession”

Subversion – ANIMI (Independent) [Djent]
Listen to “Imperfect,” “Revelation”

Top Dead Celebrity – High Horse (Independent) [Doom]
Stream

Unveiled – Endless Extreme Hate (Grundar Productions) [Death Metal]
Preview

Valor – The Crown and the King (Pitch Black Records) [Power Metal]
Preview

Vhod – Tor IV: The Desolates (Independent) [Death Metal]
Stream

Viking – No Child Left Behind (Independent) [Thrash]
Preview

Virulent Gestation – Primordial Sexual Suffering (Independent) [Goregrind]
Listen to “Molesting the Infected”

Volucrine – The Lead Heavens (Inverse Records) [Alt Metal]
Listen to “Gravehead”

Did we forget a new release? Is there a way we could improve this list? Let us know in the comments below!

(Photos VIA, VIA, VIA, VIA, VIA, and VIA)

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  • Dagon

    My mixtape is dropping this week, just be careful when you listen to it

    http://i.imgur.com/C5zmDyO.gif

  • Edward/Breegrodamus

    Scar Sighted goes hard in the paint.

    • Scrimm

      The record store here had that on the shelf last night. Unfortunately I was there to sell not buy.

      • Edward/Breegrodamus

        Check it out when you get the chance. I’m going to give it a couple of repeat visits this week.

        • Scrimm

          I listened to some yesterday. Within thrall is an early standout.

    • Dagon

      Hahaha. I’m dying to check it out. I’m going to blast this at the hospital I don’t care.

  • Ferris Mueller

    That intro was a wretched expulsion.

    • Edward/Breegrodamus

      I lol’d in my office. Thankfully no one else was in here.

  • Tyreeling In The Years

    Can confirm that the new Pyriphlegethon album is good.

    Ancst/Ast split is also quite good. Good filthy sounding blackened crust.

    • Edward/Breegrodamus

      Pyriphlegethon is a mouthful but I think I got it.

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        That’s what she said.

      • Hubert, Goat ov ……Satan

        looks a bit like Pyrrhon on first sight

        • Stockhausen

          Who’s that?

    • Reposted Avenged Sevenfold Fan

      I’m 32 ,6’2″ 225 lb ex millitary and have been a roughneck driller on rigs for years. I mention that because this band brought a tear to my eye.

      -squeekieballs, 1 week ago

    • Stockhausen

      Pyriphlegathon is indeed good. Mories rules my butt.

  • Don’t sleep on Last Minute to Jaffna
    https://lastminutetojaffna.bandcamp.com/album/volume-ii

    • Ferris Mueller

      I’m not the best with my numerals but a few of those chapters might be out of order

  • Scrimm

    That Ancst>>>>

    • Spear

      I listened to it like five times last night.

      • Scrimm

        I needed something like that. I go through phases with genres and have a feeling a BM phase is coming on. This is helping that.

  • Hubert, Goat ov ……Satan

    Those opening bits are getting more sickening by the week, good job Spear. I like it when they don’t end with the main characters death. It makes the whole thing a lot more….. dramatic.

  • Dagon

    So many releases, so little time. This week is killing me IDK what I’m going to do.

    http://www.greenmoxie.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/Sad-fish-3.jpg

  • Simon “Djentcrusher” Phoenix

    Iron Korbra. Yeah mang.

    • VVayne Brady

      Hey did you see the thing Link tagged you in on FB? Iron Kobra want to give out downloads to writers.

      • Simon “Djentcrusher” Phoenix

        I saw it. I’ll definitely get on that later today. I listened to and loved the first two full-lengths, so I’m pretty sure I can offer some words on this one, even if only for a mini-review.

  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain
  • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

    You forgot to add Scorpions

  • YourLogicIsFlushed

    Is today Steven Wilsons’s release in the US? Also my boys The Dear Hunter released a live album, which I was not expecting.

    • Spear

      Aw hell, it is. My bad.

    • EsusMoose

      Aww shit didn’t know the Dear Hunter were gonna release anything soon

      • YourLogicIsFlushed

        It was a surprise release, and they confirmed Act IV as the next studio release! The live album has too much Migrant on it, but it sounds good so far.

        • Stockhausen

          WHOA. This is awesome news.

  • Guacamole Jim

    That opening was vaguely reminiscent of past experiences of mine….

    • Scrimm

      Me too. I don’t drink Captain Morgan’s anymore because of one.

      • VVayne Brady

        Thankfully, I never once crapped myself when drunk. Definitely became a champ at puking, though.

        • Scrimm

          I managed to barely avoid it, but everything else not so much. Also ended up locked out of my barracks room in the buff.

        • Guacamole Jim

          It wasn’t so much the alcohol that moved my bowels as it was the pizza. I have a serious penchant for pizza when drinking.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            Puking from hallucinogenic mushrooms is something else entirely.

          • were they bad?

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            Oh yeah it can be, lol.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            Liking your new handle even though I can’t keep up with who you are anymore.

          • Guacamole Jim

            hahaha I can only imagine dude. I’ve never partook, meself.

          • more beer

            Doesn`t everyone?

        • Edward/Breegrodamus

          I’ve puked probably hundreds of times from booze and drugs, lol

          • Scrimm

            I especially like when you are exploding out of both ends at the same time.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            I’m trying to recall if I ever had that experience from intoxicants. I certainly have had it from a very bad case of the flu though.

          • Scrimm

            Lucklily the sink or tub was close enough both times that I was able to avoid making a mess. The first time was funny cause I could hear my buddies outside the dor laughing.

        • Enemy Of The Free World

          Never puke while drunk. Hangovers, again are a different story…

    • Simon “Djentcrusher” Phoenix

      Definitely puked something fierce a couple of times. But that was mainly from Red Bull/rum cocktails. Not a good mix.

      • Scrimm

        Getting queasy at the thought.

        • Edward/Breegrodamus

          Agreed! Red Bull and decent vodka isn’t a bad drink though.

          • Scrimm

            I sipped Red Bull after drining Yaeger, I don’t remember ever trying the more popular vodka combo.

      • more beer

        Nothing like being a wide awake drunk.

    • newcomers were treated to your green text yesterday, and this amazing intro today

  • Awesome intro. Kudos again, Spear.

    Let’s get to business because business is good!…

    #FirstLinkPickOvThisToiletTuesday Sheperd: good doomy-sludgy and dynamic record direct from the magical land of India. Check it! It the riffs and the swampy sludgy tone, along with bluesy solos: https://shepherdrock.bandcamp.com/album/stereolithic-riffalocalypse

    #SecondLinkPickOvThisToiletTuesday Neoheresy: it’s very dynamic and it got some good touches with the keys and the mandolin. But the drums are recorded inside a Coca Cola can and that made me a sad Link :(. Anyways, it’s still good folky black merol, and that’s fine for me! https://neoheresy.bandcamp.com/album/wyrocznia

    #ThirdLinkPickOvThisToiletTuesday Iron Kobra: speed merol to tap your feet and say Fuck Yeah! a lot! Liked it. https://ironkobra.bandcamp.com/album/might-magic

    Good edition, good writing once again. Thanks for sharing.

    • Enemy Of The Free World

      Man I wanted to love that Neoheresy. But the world’s worst drum programming makes it impossible.

    • KJM

      Shepherd >>>>>>>>>

  • God ov All

    The new enslaved album picked me up gently, laid me down and made sweet sweet love to me. And then before climax, head butted me into submission, chained me to the bed, and fucked me again. I didn’t even press charges after. It was 50 shades of awesome.

    • Guacamole Jim

      Featured comment

    • they definitely get weirder every release. totes compliment.

      • more beer

        This was outside a place I go to regularly the best soup of the day ever!

    • more beer

      I can`t wait to see them in 2 weeks plus Yob it`s gonna be a killer show!

      • xengineofdeathx

        Fuck yeah I am going to try to make that show as well.

        • more beer

          That snow didn`t keep me from Napalm Death last week I will be at this.

          • xengineofdeathx

            I had to work, I probaly should have just quit my job or something.

          • more beer

            But quitting your job would mean not being able to go to future shows. So it was probably good you didn`t. I know we`ve spoken before your in the Springs or something am I correct?

          • xengineofdeathx

            Yeah that’s probably true. Nope I’m in Wyoming about 4 hours from Denver.

          • more beer

            Ok I know we had talked about the summit before. I have a friend who just moved down here from Wyoming because he was sick of driving down for shows and to play.

          • xengineofdeathx

            I moved there to go to college 10 years ago, but I became homeless and got a life threatening staph infection. But I love Colorado, and most of my friends live there.

          • more beer

            Staph is some scary shit. I`m going to assume you beat that since you can drive 4 hours to a metal shows. Colorado is an awesome state.

          • xengineofdeathx

            Yeah man, it is nothing to fuck with. My face looked like that zombie ladies vag on the cover of Tomb of the Mutilated. It is indeed!

  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain
    • Tyreeling In The Years

      Nice!

  • EsusMoose

    Sannhet tis great so listen to it nerds

  • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

    You also didn’t add the new Europe album.

    • Because it isn’t relevant for this site and you already know it exists and that it came out today.

    • Based Tapir

      Europe is still together?

      • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

        Yes they are. I haven’t listened to the new release yet though.

        • Based Tapir

          Why do shitty bands have to stay together?

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            I don’t known. I gave up on them pretty quickly considering I’m not a giant fan of theirs

          • Based Tapir

            I don’t believe you.

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            I did not like most of their musuc including the new one.

          • in the united states we have things like casinos and rib festivals that like to hire bands like Europe, Damn Yankees, and REO Speedwagon. it’s full of 50 year old white suburban dorks who like to drink Budweiser and sing along to the hits.

            …you’d love it!

          • Based Tapir

            Welp, now I know to avoid that place.

          • more beer

            Casinos where bands go to die.

          • Supreme Chief Poopypanties

            I dunno, Judas Priest played a couple on their last tour.

          • more beer

            Most of the time bands playing casinos are on the last leg of their careers. When I lived in New Mexico there were casinos everywhere and it was always the bands in throws of death playing at them.

          • Supreme Chief Poopypanties

            I forget the name of the casino they played at but, I remember it being the same one that ‘s still booking Chubby Checker after all these years. That is NOT a good sign!

          • more beer

            Nope!

    • Maik Beninton

      Did you saw the new Coal Chamber track

      • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

        Not yet. Is it good (

        • Maik Beninton

          It’s kinda good.
          I never liked CC aside from the loco song but this is slightly different.

      • Further Down the Metal Hole

        I felt it was quite ok. Will definitely listen to an album stream, if one is released.

    • Spear

      Shit, I had a perfect lolbuttz target and didn’t capitalize on it.

      • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

        It’s a shitty album. The new album from Toto is better, possibly on my top 10 non metal albums list. It’s almost as good as Toto IV but its better than all their other albums.

    • Simon “Djentcrusher” Phoenix

      Europe were truly a one album wonder with The Final Countdown. Their 90s material, where they tried to be “heavy”, is super cringeworthy. So no, they didn’t need to be added here.

  • Maik Beninton

    I don’t know what kind of instrument they are using on the lolbuttz song but it sounds like an elephant in pain.

    • In The I… I…Irony Scoffed

      Didgeridoo m/

      [URL=http://makeagif.com/XwqG87][IMG]http://cdn.makeagif.com/media/3-04-2015/XwqG87.gif[/IMG][/URL]

  • Ooh, new Scarab!

  • SUNLIGHTBEARD

    That new sannhet is the bizomb, been blasting that, and new leviathan

  • JVVG

    Wait. What? The release date HMV informed me yesterday for Enslaved and Moonspell – and Melechesh which according to you guys is already out – is the 10th. Next week.

    This is worse than the usual *internationally*-staggered release dates. By far. Mostly because it affects me personally…

    • VVayne Brady

      I checked Amazon to see when that Enslaved album would be available physically, and here in the US it is next week.

      • JVVG

        I suppose it was easy to believe Canadian distribution was being screwed around on release dates, given my recent experience with extra billing for mail-ordered stuff.

        It’s sort of good to know that the release date is the same for the US. But it’s also very bad because it means we both have to wait a week to hold it…

  • Warheart

    With all the hype about Enslaved, news of new Arcturus and the new single of FNM, I totally forget about Moonspell. hopefully the album will be as good as the title track.

    • New Arcturus = Bad News for Fans of Old Arcturus. I mean, probably.

      • Warheart

        Naahhhh..there’s no such thing as a bad Arcturus, even in their worst (SS) they are superb.
        Anyway, you can check out for yourself.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lp7GcHTUdcA

        • Supreme Chief Poopypanties

          Aaaaaaaaaagh, that was some god awful sound quality! Hard to tell if the song is actually good or not for that reason.

  • old_man_doom

    One of the MS minions reviewed “In Times”, gave it 3 1/2 horns, and said that they “are just not a sexy band.” Excuse me, fucker, but have you ever seen a shirtless Ice Dale rip into a guitar solo on stage? That is the definition of sexy

  • Further Down the Metal Hole

    That conclusion was magnificent.

  • Whenever I get back on track with listening, there’s a ton of stuff on that list, particularly enslaved, that I need to get into