This Toilet Tuesday (2/3/15)

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It’s a frantic day. You’ve spent the last few hours at work wondering how you’re going to balance your time for the rest of the week. Between friends and family and your job, not to mention the band you’ve been neglecting to practice with, your obligations seem to keep piling up without end. The stress is overwhelming, and your body knows it all too well. You shout for your coworker to cover for you as you make a mad dash for the nearest bathroom. You choose a stall on the far end, away from the other bathroom attendees, in hopes of sparing them from the forthcoming cataclysmic stress-poop emergence. With only seconds to spare, you slam yourself down on the seat. You close your eyes and brace yourself for the worst; this is not how you imagined you would meet your end, but there’s no stopping it now. To your surprise, it comes out without resistance. You hear a single “plop” and your intestines loosen. Endorphins flood your body and you relax, knowing the calamity has been averted and humanity is safe. As you stand up and flush, you hear a faint, soothing voice in the back of your mind: “It is not yet your time, my child.”

And like that most satisfying of bowel movements, This Toilet Tuesday is here again to offer you relief from your day-to-day stresses. There’s a little something for everyone this week, and it’s all solid. This week also sees the number of bears on our writing team double as Nordling Rites ov Karhu joins in. Have at it!


blind guardian

Blind Guardian – Beyond the Red Mirror (Nuclear Blast) [Power Metal]
Listen to “Twilight of the Gods”

Blind Guardian are easily one of the best bands in power metal, perhaps even the pinnacle itself. So, nerds, I come bearing glad tidings of great joy. The eagerly-anticipated tenth studio album is upon us! Few bands have maintained such consistency and quality throughout their career, but I can guarantee that Blind Guardian will not disappoint on this album. Hansi Kürsch and the gang have somehow upped the bombast and epic scale of their scope on this release, working with three worldwide choirs and two full-scale orchestras to flesh out a nuanced, cinematic experience linking to the older album Imaginations from the Other Side. To further illustrate my point about how hotly anticipated this album is, I asked the Masterlord how engorged he is about this album’s imminent release, to which he responded, “Full mast, shining with brilliance.” There you have it. Listen to Blind Guardian and hoist the top sail. FFO: Cellador, Twilight Force, Hammerfall. (W.)


abcession

Abscession – Grave Offerings (Final Gate Records) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Where Sleeping Gods Dwell”

There’s just something so good about quality, straightforward death metal. I like skronk and deathgrind more than the next guy, but sometimes I just need something that gets my head banging. In that regard, Abscession fit the bill quite nicely. Crunchy riff? Check. Distinguishable growl? Check. Rock solid tempo? Check. Audible bass? That’s a bingo. This has the winning formula for a great pit party. Abscession won’t be winning any awards for uniqueness, but not every band has to play weirdo time signatures. FFO: Bloodbath, Hail of Bullets, that one good Six Feet Under album. (W.)


0xist

0 X í S T – One Eon (Death Shrine Offerings) [Doom]
Listen to “Enshrine”

After a promising debut, the dark-death-doom metallers 0 X í S T (or Zero Exist) is back with One Eon, taking off from where they last landed but bathing their time-space continuum defying vessel in lead (for that extra-crispy heaviness). Heavier, more merciless and less catchy than before, the emphasis is on doom this time around. Connecting lines can be drawn to every genre-pioneering death/doom band, but 0 X í S T sounds like none of them. FFO: Atmosphere thicker than D.Johnson’s chest, Thou, Chianti in a good company. (Nordling Rites ov Karhu)


keeper of the sea bastard

Keeper/Sea Bastard – Keeper/Sea Bastard (split- Dry Cough Records) [Sludge]
Stream

When I saw Keeper pop up on our new release list, I quickly became a little kid whose candy is threatened. MINE MINE MINE MINE (little kids are douche bags). When our friendly neighborhood Xan made us aware of Keeper in an edition of Don’t Miss This, we pretty much universally sung the nasty, hideous praises of their lurching, charred-black brand of gruesome sludge. Imagine a vicious, wet punch to your gut that’s been stretched out for 14 agonizing minutes, and you have the track that makes up Keeper’s half of this split. Sea Bastard takes over next with a massive, 20-minute song that compliments Keeper’s half perfectly. There is a stark contrast in vocal style: Sea Bastard’s throaty, gut-wrenching vomit juxtaposes Keeper’s high, tortured shrieks, providing an excellent range of ways to drag you to a watery grave. This is a limited release, so hop on right here. (Stockhausen)


norman shores

Norman Shores – Le tombeau de brume (Ossuaire Records) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Eternelle Allégeance”

Do you like your black metal with a side of black metal, stirred in an icy concoction of black metal? I usually like mine with a little twist on the side, but something about the freezing, detached determination of Norman Shores (who is from France, so 10 points already) clutches my withered heart and doesn’t let go. I love the spacious rasp of the vocal style, the incessant pounding of distant drums, and the swirling, windswept production that furiously whirls the whole thing into a snowstorm. I’m no authority on black metal, but man. This is good. (Stockhausen)


through lung and heart

Devouring Star – Through Lung and Heart (Daemon Worship) [Black Metal]
Stream

I’m going to be real with you guys. I already like this album more than my favorite black metal album from last year. This is by no means standard black metal. It warps and twists, bends, wavers and occasionally backs off. It latches onto your heart like some kind of cavity dwelling lamprey and swiftly drains your being. What I’m trying to say is it is nasty and great. At a brief 38 minutes, it never overstays its welcome and will leave you craving more. (Leif Bearikson)


denouncing the holy throne

Heaving Earth – Denouncing the Holy Throne (Lavadome) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Doomed Before Inception”

At the time of writing this I have only heard “Doomed Before Inception” but I’ll be lolbuttzed if it isn’t a fucking spectacular track. It’s straight up in your face death metal with hints of the skronky weirdness that you would expect from Gorguts or Gigan. The guitars sound pretty crazy too! It’s also got a kind of unique atmospheric vibe to it. This is gonna be a good one boys and girls. (Jack Bauer)


hagbard

Hagbard – Tales of Frost and Flames (Genocidio Records) [Folk Metal]
Listen to “Stormborn Queen”, “Cursed Dwarf”

With an album cover like that, you know exactly what you’re going to get: a frozen slab of wintry folk metal about dragons and vikings. Thankfully, Hagbard don’t fall into the trap of being so over-the-top that they lose their charm. The songs have enough twists and turns to keep them interesting, and the vocals remind me a bit of Caladan Brood’s powerful, somber delivery (albeit a little more nasal). If nothing else, it’s a fun folk metal album that you can raise a flagon of mead to. (Spear)


66Crusher – Wanderer (Misanthropica) [Prog Metal]
Listen to “Lost in the Fray”

Al-Namrood – Ana al Tughian (Shaytan Productions) [Black/Folk Metal]

Ars Veneficium/Azaghal – The Will, The Power, The Goat (Immortal Frost) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Worship the Goat” (Ars Veneficium), “Uhri Yölle” (Azaghal)

Criminology – Capitalist Destroyer (Deathfans) [Brutal Death]
Preview

Cult of Herodias – Greyvein (New Frame Records) [Doom/Ambient]
Stream

Darking – Steal the Fire (Jolly Roger Records) [Heavy Metal]
Listen to “Steal the Fire”

Dead Empires – Secret Snakes, Silent Serpent (Independent) [Instrumental Doomy Kinda thing]
Stream

Dead in the Manger – Cessation (20 Buck Spin) [Blackened Death]
Listen to “II,” “IV”

Deafest/Sinding – Deafest/Sinding (Chainsaw to the Bass) [Black Metal]
Stream

Diesel King – Concrete Burial (When Planets Collide) [Sludge]
Listen to “Brainhammer”

Fulgora – Stratagem (Housecore) [Grindcore]
Listen to “Meridian”

Harpago/Antroforce – Harpago/Antroforce (Anti-Herói Records) [Thrash]

Human Serpent/Human Parasites – Servants in Extreme Misanthropy (MercifulHell Productions) [Black Metal]
Stream

Kayleth – Space Muffin (Argonauta Records) [Stoner/Doom]
Listen to “Lies of Mind”

Lashblood – Plasticine People (SND Prod/Sigillvm Tenebrae) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Plasticine People”

Leah – Kings & Queens (Independent) [Symphonic Metal]
Listen to “Enter the Highlands”, “This Present Darkness”

Lykaion – Heavy Lullabies (Inverse Records) [Metalcore]
Listen to “For Love”

Luciferian – Path of the Burning Serpent (Satan’s Retaliation) [Black Metal]
Listen to “An Everlasting End”

Mork – Fortid og Fremtid (Independent) [Black Metal]

Organ Trail – Those Slimy Bastards (Grimoire Records) [Deathgrind]
Listen to “That’s my mother you’re pissing on,” “A terrifying tale of sluts and bolts”

Simus – Vox Vult (Bakerteam Records) [lolbuttz]
Listen to “The Soulmaker”

Solefald – World Music. Kosmopolis Sud (Indie Recordings) [World Metal]

Spook the Horses – Rainmaker (Independent) [Post-Hardcore]
Stream

Swords at Hymns – Autumnal Introspections (Sulphur Records) [Black Metal]

Thrashback – Night of the Sacrifice (Emanes Metal) [Thrash]
Listen to “Abused”

Ululate – Back to Cannibal World (Xtreem Music) [Blackened Death]
Listen to “Red Wine”

Ulysses Siren – Justifiable Homicide (Malevolence Records) [Thrash]

Wells Valley – Matter as Regent (Bleak Recordings) [Sludge/Post-Metal]
Stream

Wildpath – Disclosure (Brennus Music) [Symphonic Metal]
Listen to “Petrichor”

Wind Rose – Wardens of the West Wind (Scarlet Records) [Power Metal]
Listen to “Rebel and Free”

Wömit Angel – Maggotmouth (Inverse Records) [Black/Thrash]

Yesterday’s Saints – Generation of Vipers (Draconum Records) [Death Thrash]
Stream

Did we forget a new release? Is there a way we could improve this list? Let us know in the comments below!

(Photos VIA, VIA, VIA, VIA, VIA, VIA, VIA, and VIA)

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  • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

    Dead Empires is from my area. They’re doing a record listening party today. I might go.

  • Tyree

    Everyone here needs to listen to that Devouring Star album.

    • DDubya.

      It’s groovy. Real groovy.

      • Tyree

        I should be receiving my copy of it very soon.

    • Dagon

      Looking forward to. All featured releases have enticing covers.

    • in progress…

  • Tyree

    Norman Shores is sounding pretty damn sick so far.

  • Spear

    “Full mast, shining with brilliance.” That’s actually how I got my name.

    • DDubya.

      It all makes sense now. You impale your enemies with your shining spear whilst singing along to Blind Guardian.

      • DDubya.

        And by enemies, I mean fair ladies.

        • Spear

          And by shining spear, you mean… never mind.

          • Brouroboris

            Honor. Honor is your shining spear. Right?

          • Spear

            Yeah, we’ll go with that.

          • Brouroboris

            Seems legit..

          • Spear

            I definitely sing along to Blind Guardian in the midst of it, though.

          • DDubya.

            “The ninth wave… I can feel it’s coming!”

  • CyberneticOrganism

    Love that the youtube account hosting the NORMAN SHORES vid is called “FogTheNecropope”

  • The Bestest Tapir

    I iz diggin dem Solefald

    • Brouroboris

      If Melt Banana started playing melodic metal instead of…bleep bloop skronk grind.

      • Hail Comrade! And welcome! #roar

        • Brouroboris

          Hail! “Raises ale bombastically and sloshes it all over his keyboard”

      • The Bestest Tapir

        Melt Banana iz gud as well.

  • Moar bears

  • Dagon

    Just checked out Wells Valley and it is good.

  • #LinkFirstPickThisToiletTuesday. I liked. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zk8LdCc9qbA

    • #LinkSecondPickThisToiletTuesday. I liked it too #Swedeath!!!

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9aw1fwXbNo

      • Dagon

        SWANO SWANO SWANO SWANO SWANO SWANO SWANO SWANO SWANO SWANO SWANO SWANO SWANO SWANO SWANO SWANO SWANO SWANO SWANO SWANO SWANO

        • FREAKIN’ BUZZSAW GUITAR SWEDISH TOOONEEEEEEEEEEE. *makes a Lion windmill hardcore dance*

          • tertius_decimus

            Here in Ukraine we call it “tractor sound”.

          • DDubya.

            Haha, I love that.

          • Ukraine? Really? Dang! We here about you guys all the time given your current state of “conflict” in the east. Hopefully you are out of harms way?

            GL

          • tertius_decimus

            Thanks! No. The house of my grandma received damage after artillery attack. She is safe now. There’s mother remained in my hometown. Hopefully, she’ll leave it. I haven’t been at home more than a year. Miss this view from my window and pathways in the steppe I walked since 2007.

          • I am really sorry to hear that man. Not being at home has got to be terrible. Having listened to the news everyday it seems like the situation is not getting better there. It surely doesn’t help that Putin is no longer concealing his involvement in it all.

            So what is your take on the whole situation? It seems (from what I have heard) that a vote was taken to separate that portion of Ukraine and they voted for it to happen? Do you agree with people wanting to leave Ukraine? Do you think the vote was rigged and did not truly represent the views of the people living in that portion of the country?

            Sorry, lots of questions!

            GL

          • tertius_decimus

            Putin will die. Everything dies. Everyone dies. Lenin died, Hitler died, Stalin died, Churchill died but Ukrainians survived everything: the invasion of bolsheviks, starvation of 1932-1933, WWII, USSR, Chernobyl catastrophe, 90s economy catastrophe and Yanukovitchs presidentcy. We’ll survive this shit as well. The ugliest thing here is that the problem is sole person sitting his ass in high cabinet of Kremlin but he is supported massively by TV-zombies who were taught to hate. You will not read this in news articles but we see it every day in the comment sections of many sites across local Internet. You really have to talk Russian fluently to see it yourself — how badly it is. Imagine: mere Russian bloke who has no real benefit of supporting Putin’s course (he’s not paid) will approve killing Ukrainian people, blood, separatism, economic downfall and so on just because he can, he thinks it’s a great idea and he will influence others to do it. I lived in Moscow for 1.5 months last year and the cult of The Victory in Great Patriotic War is very powerful here. In May they will celebrate 70’s anniversary of The Victory. Among 55 Russian movies that will be released this year, there are ton of historical movies about it. Take a look: http://www.kinopoisk.ru/article/2536390/

            My take: ONLY CLINICAL IDIOT WILL THINK ABOUT WAR ALL HIS DAMN LIFE! My grandfather was a prisoner of konzentrationslager in Stuttgart two times in a row. He lost his hearing ability here. But he never ever in his life reminded about it to anyone. Never.

            http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/KZ_Echterdingen

            Now answering your questions.

            The referendum in Crimea was a fake. Russians keep telling that elector appearance across Crimea was 89,5 %. Lie. Among my friends who live there there were none who attended that farce.

            https://ru.wikipedia.org/wiki/%D0%A0%D0%B5%D1%84%D0%B5%D1%80%D0%B5%D0%BD%D0%B4%D1%83%D0%BC_%D0%BE_%D1%81%D1%82%D0%B0%D1%82%D1%83%D1%81%D0%B5_%D0%9A%D1%80%D1%8B%D0%BC%D0%B0_%282014%29

            People always wanted to leave Ukraine since… forever. Escapism is very strong among people. Me included.

            For sure. Ask Crimean Tatars. They have historical gripe with Russians, so they couldn’t vote for separation. With 500000 inhabitants they were majority here.

            Bottom line: Moscow and St. Petersburg are not whole Russia. There are so many regions begging for separation from Russia that Moscow’ll have nothing to do with it if Putin will keep his course and at the end will bring country’s economy to collapse. War always drains the budget. When it will happen, at least Siberia will come off. Without rich for nature resources Siberia, Russia has no chance to stay afloat.

            Sorry for my crappy English.

          • JWG

            I firmly believe that, assuming the Russian economy tanks hard enough, Putin will be quietly assassinated by the Mafiya acting indirectly on behalf of some “legitimate” businessmen.

            Even so, my predictions about world political events rarely work out as I, personally, expect them to work out.

          • tertius_decimus

            This.

          • Hey man, I will keep you and your people in my thoughts. The flames of my anger are now much higher having talked to you about it.

            Hang tough Tertius! I will think of you every time I hear about the conflict.

            GL

          • tertius_decimus

            Thanks! Much appreciated!

      • DDubya.

        Man Link, I’m two for two with you today!

        • In this period of my life I developed a soft-spot again for good Power Merol because the Toilet. And since last year, I’m very <3 for Swedish old-school dethmerol tone, bro! <3 <3 <3

    • #LinkPicksAlreadyListened: Blind Guardian and Wind Rose. Both recommended Power Merol!

      • Spear

        I’ll have to give Wind Rose another shot. I wasn’t super keen on them as I was going through these the first time, but I was pretty brain-dead all weekend.

      • Jefrey Waylon Mann

        Just checked Wind Rose.
        That video is Manowar approved.

  • DDubya.

    Currently listening to Blind Guardian. I’m so pumped up for dragon-slaying!

    • That album is addictive ._.)

    • i guess i’ll spin it. (HBIH said it was near perfect, except for the mixing!)

      • <3

      • Guacamole Jim

        They also wrote a dead serious article about that band with the colossally stupid name, so I don’t know if I trust them.

        • HA, i saw you there! that was pretty funny

          • Guacamole Jim

            It was honestly my first experience with them. I gotta say, I like the Toilet better. We would lolbuttz all over that shit. I almost want to write a counter-article ridiculing the whole thing.

          • DDubya.

            I support counter-articles.

          • The Toilet >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
            but i poke my goofy head around all over, sometimes trolling sometimes srs.

      • DDubya.

        Yah, the mixing feels a little off on first listen.

        • It got too much elements with the keys and the chorus. Sometimes the guitars are drowned in the mix and sometimes is the chorus lol

      • You’re putting your trust in a lesser blog??

    • and LOL @ “that one good Six Feet Under album”

    • Looking forward to seeing what you think of it. I’m a bit over half way, too early to make a decision

  • Dagon

    Digging Spook The Horses so far. Trancy guitars and nice rhythms.

  • This band is independent, so they didn’t get any official release statements anywhere, but for fans of stoner/doom/rock, check this band out! They’re local to me and good friends, but also know how to get you hooked with catchy riffs, leads, and everything a balls to the wall stoner metal album needs https://theseduction.bandcamp.com/

    • Dagon

      I approve of this message.

      • This albums alone is a great 4/5, but it increases in quality proportionally to how much PBR you’ve drank and how loud it is being played

        • Dagon

          I’m a sucker for stoner. No words beyond stoner are necessary.

          • All of these songs (minus like the two I hadn’t heard before this album) are way better live too, this band is just ace and I hope they blow up

          • wait until you have 4 tallboy PBRs in you and you’ve got the thing turned up to 11 and the entire band is in front of you playing it live and everyone is drunk and it’s the greatest thing ever

          • what’s PBR? o.o)

          • DDubya.

            An awful, awful beer for posers.

          • It’s not a Charlotte show until the first trash can is filled with empty PBR tallboys

          • DDubya.

            hey man what is this sounds like the wail of a wimp.

          • I come back to share my boys with you and you try to use my own weapons on me?

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qEy6hgdKtbw

          • hey, I got another question north-american-related. What’s ‘White Trash’?

          • One of the only insults that can kind of offend some white people. Think dirty, nasty rednecks with no future and with no morals.

          • DDubya.

            They’re the sort of people that may sleep with cousins, cook meth, hate people of different races, and live in trailers. Basically everything bad about Southern US culture condensed into one entity.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            We have quite a lot of those here.

          • wow! That’s a very bad stereotype o.o) I saw that word in a Pantera video, I think it was…

          • Yeah theyr’e pretty awful people

          • Akercocke ov Steele

            Dude, all I hear is about how in the 90s people were getting into brawls with Neo Nazis at punk and metal shows. Now they’ve kinda fucked off.

          • come to st. louis, experience it firsthand!

          • The Bestest Tapir

            I’m pretty sure that Kainuu is the inbreeding capital of Finland.

          • Guacamole Jim

            hot

          • The Bestest Tapir

            It’s almost as bad as Helsinki. Almost.

          • Guacamole Jim

            Well, I know where I’m going on my next vacation. Bringing the whole family, too!

          • The Bestest Tapir

            It will most likely end in a terrible way if you aren’t white. Don’t go out when it’s dark or skinheads will fuck you up.

          • Guacamole Jim

            Dude, I’m descended from Finnish, Icelandic, and British people. I’m as white as they come.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            I shall consider you a nordic brother then.

          • Akercocke ov Steele

            I’m half Dutch, half Eastern European Jew. Is that white by their standards?

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Probably white enough.

          • Guacamole Jim
          • Guacamole Jim

            Though that is really crazy.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            It’s unfortunately a thing here. It’s not as bad as it was in the 90s. Oh god was it horrible back then.

          • Guacamole Jim

            Apparently it’s a thing here too. Calgary has a pretty significant skinhead population. It blows my mind, but at least there’s no worry of violence here.

          • woah.. It seems that I’ll never go to Helsinki 🙁 I always wanted to visit Finland

          • The Bestest Tapir

            It’s maybe not so bad in Helsinki if you stay in the right area. It’s worse in smaller towns. But you should never visit Helsinki, because it’s shit in every other way.

          • Akercocke ov Steele

            I would go, but my wardrobe is in the shop atm.

          • How’s St. Louis? o.o

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            No. Come to Poughkeepsie, in between NYC and Albany! We have concert venues that get a ton of garbage, a mall and a lot of fast food!

          • No fast food for me. I feel awful today, thanks.

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            I’m not saying to eat the fast food. I’m just saying what we have. If any of you do come to Poughkeepsie you’ll be able to find my favorite Taco Bell right near a record store called Darkside Records. That Taco Bell is the best.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Aren’t they all the same?

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            No. This one has better prices than the one in the mall near me.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            But the “food” is the same?

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            Mostly. There are specials that come and go and there is a secret menu. It’s much different in other countries.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            We don’t have a TB here.

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            I’m so sorry. You’re missing out you poor, poor tapir.

          • Guacamole Jim

            No, no he’s not. At all. In any way.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            I’ve heard people say that TB is horrible. I don’t think that we’re missing toi much.

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            Yes you are missing out. That person is a liar.

          • DDubya.

            Man, I just can’t agree with you that Taco Bell is good food. I desperately want you to try better tacos.

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            I do not eat better tacos ever since that one Mexican restaurant ripped me off. They had good quesadillas but they forgot to give me the taco that I ordered to go with that.

          • Guacamole Jim

            That’s very fair. I too would swear off tacos after a traumatizing experience like you’ve endured.

          • #EddieTrunk’sFirstWorldProblems lol

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            It is. I now refuse to eat any real Mexican food. I only eat Taco Bell when I want to go out and have Mexican food.

          • PhoenixKing Leonhart

            I’m almost tempted to make a wisecrack, but I will simply shake my head in disgust.

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            Didn’t you see my reasoning as to why I only eat Taco Bell?

          • PhoenixKing Leonhart

            I did, and I will still shake my head in disgust.

          • PhoenixKing Leonhart

            Take it from me, there is no reason for Taco Bell. The only decent fast food taco place is El Pollo Loco and even that is sub-par.

            Taco carts or GTFO.

          • DDubya.

            I believe we’ve discussed this before, but there’s a pretty good rule of thumb for Mexican food. The seedier the place looks, the more authentic the food likely is.

          • PhoenixKing Leonhart

            One day I want to find a taco cart or seedy restaurant where the food is so good that I would have to kill the chef cause no one deserves that level of quality Mexican food.

          • I would say that the term “white trash” is even more broad than that. Having grown up/live in a very rural town with many people who would broadly be classified as “trash” (but did not fall categorically into the definitions outlined about), they end up being the nicest people/friends. Are they kinda trashy? Yes. Do they sometime have strange cultural views? Yes. But can you still get along and love the same things? Totes.
            GL

          • DDubya.

            Eh, I differentiate between rednecks and white trash. The people you’re describing, in my mind, are just rednecks and have redeeming qualities. White trash, in my opinion, is an utterly negative thing.

          • That is fair!

            GL

          • Also, your English wasn’t bad enough, you added a “the” before wail of a wimp. Confirmed for false

          • DDubya.

            I shall study your ways and improve my ruse.

          • Just read Manowar and Lost Horizon lyrics, that’s all I do

          • #JustRandallThings #HowToBeARandallThorAndNotFailAtAttempt

          • Brouroboris
          • Tyree

            Do you say things like “Needs done” down there? Or is that more of a PA thing. I can’t stand it and people say it all the time here. “Needs fixed” “Needs Warshed” “Needs Red Up”.

          • No, we just say “all yall need to come over, we’re fixin to grill out”

          • Tyree

            Yins need to red up that truck.

          • DDubya.

            Oof, it’s even worse in Texas. Some people say, “I’m fixin’ to do that” or “I used to could.”

          • do what now

          • DDubya.

            The “used to could” thing is terrible. Like, “I used to could do that.” I have no idea why that’s a thing.

          • Nice, we say needs “red” all the time. ” Go red the table” is an instance which is used often here.

            GL

          • There is absolutely nothing wrong with PBR. It’s a reasonably priced and inoffensive vessel for intoxication.

          • THANK YOU

          • DDubya.

            You people disgust me.

          • “you people”
            Mhmm. I see how it is.

          • 3 times now. I’m counting it!

          • DDubya.

            You asked about white trash. White trash people drink PBR. And hipsters, weirdly.

          • Hipsters always amaze me!

          • Now we just have to figure out which one Joe is…

          • I grew up in rural Texas but now I’m an insufferable asshole about music so… both?

          • it’s really pretty tasty! i can see why they won the blue ribbon many decades ago. BUT it’s too bad the hipsters around here have decided to embrace that brand, therefore giving it a bad reputation…

          • Your choice in boozification is between you and your god, man. Don’t let someone else get you down.

          • Tyree

            I feel naughty when I buy it though. So so naughty.

          • DDubya.

            That’s your conscience talking to you.

          • DON’T IMPOSE YOUR MORALS ON US.

            Okay, got all the new music from last week, blocking the site again. 🙁 bye guys

          • more beer

            There is much wrong with it. Starting with it tastes horrible. You can get a six pack of something that tastes good, that has double the ABV. That will get you just as drunk as that and not murder your taste buds.

          • Guacamole Jim
          • T_T my stomach hurts

          • It is indeed pretty terrible, but it’s dirt cheap and a step up from Natty Bo (National Bohemian), which is a worse and even cheaper beer

          • That accentuated my bad stomach today, jajajaja.

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            Isn’t that one of those beers that comes from Baltimore that only those who live in Baltimore love?

          • PBR drinkers think of Natty Bo drinkers whatever everyone else thinks about PBR Drinkers

          • WAIT. ARE WE TALKING ABOUT NATTY? I WANT IN.

            GL

          • YOU BROKE THE CHAINS AND CAME BACK, GL!

            L”tp”L

          • Oh yes, where else would I go Link?

            GL

          • #LionBroHug

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            I feel bad for those people who can’t afford good beer so they have to drink Natty Bo or Beer 30. I don’t even drink and I feel terrible that they have to drink toilet water beer.

          • Isn’t toilet water blessed in here? o.o

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            I don’t know.

          • more beer

            Not when it`s beer!

          • NATTY IS NOT TURLET WATER, FIGHT ME BRO!

            <3

            GL

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            Yes it is. Same goes for any variation of Natural Light, any variation of Milwaukee’s Best and Coors Light. Miller Lite is at least somewhat better considering I found one in my grandparent’s garage and it was good. It even looked like the old can.

          • Jajajajaja, you north americans are very funny.

          • How can you have so many beer brands? We got few brands here, and everyone drink two that are light and cheap and awful. It’s like drinking water-flavored beer:

            http://www.empresaspolar.com/resources/negocios-marcas/productos/Imagen_de_producto_Polar_ice.png

            http://www.prolicor.com.ve/getattachment/2a2ac767-1d0e-4f9b-846b-2e461d2b3b27/Cerveza-Tipo-Pilsen-Regional-Light.aspx?maxSideSize=200

          • Guacamole Jim

            That looks heinous.

          • That’s the gasoline of our society. I don’t know if I’m very picky or the 70 % of the population here have bad tastes in the beverages. But they always pick that crap, from low classes to high classes lol

          • Guacamole Jim

            Sounds like the rest of the world, dude. I know so many people who only drink fucking Coors Lite.

          • DDubya.

            Well, there are plenty of weirdos here who drink PBR for some reason…

          • I was fairly sure I had laid out the reasons why PBR is a solid choice. To recap:
            1) Cheap
            2) Inoffensive
            3) Will get you to’ up.

          • The wyfe and eye whent down to teh Applebees fora nice diner teh otter day and had PBR tallbois on draft and they were gud.

            But really, they were delicious. For a $1.99 there is no way in hell you can go wrong. I am with Joe on this one.

            GL

          • DDubya.

            Well, I’ll just enjoy my high class beer and turn up my nose at you. Fie, I say. Fie!

          • Guacamole Jim

            I’m with you, W. PBR is gross.

          • DDubya.

            Thank you, chip dip. Let us go play at chess and leave these mongrels to their buffoonery.

          • Guacamole Jim

            Tally ho, my good chap! Shall we discuss the infrequency of the en passant whilst sipping a cold porter?

          • DDubya.

            Quite.

          • more beer

            As do I. Don`t believe their lies that PBR is an acceptable beer.

          • Scrimm

            PBR on draft is much better.

          • more beer

            It`s still not good.

          • Scrimm

            🙁

          • DDubya.

            Scrimm, of all people, I expected better from you.

          • Scrimm

            I was Army what can I say. Champions at consuming grog. I’ve still got a soft spot for it

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            Coors Light is the worst. I had a can from my garage which was ice cold and it tasted like piss.

          • How old was it? and how cold was it?

            Both are crucial.

            GL

          • DDubya.

            As cold as the Rockies, duh!

          • Tyree
          • Tyree
          • Tyree

            Never had it.

          • It’s not real. (pisswater)
            It’s a fake beer from a vidya game.

          • Tyree

            Ah, I’m out of the loop when it comes to video games.

          • That’s a good thing.

          • Tyree

            I would agree.

          • more beer

            You should keep it that way.

          • Guacamole Jim
          • more beer

            That`s an acceptable mass produced domestic. Your in Pennsylvania, no Yuengling love?

          • Tyree

            Yuengling >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

          • more beer

            I`m not more beer for no reason.

          • Pagliacci is Kvlt O)))
          • ahahahaaaaaa

            GLO

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            It was ice cold but I don’t know how old it was.

          • Unless it was physically sitting in a bath of ice or the ambient temperature around the can was at least 32F, then it was not technically “ice cold”. Coors Light is much swill either way!

            GL

          • more beer

            I drive by the Coors brewery at least once a week. I never touch that crap. I`m surprised they can even sell that in Colorado there are so many good craft breweries here.

          • PhoenixKing Leonhart

            Speaking of crap and high quality beers, has anyone seen the Budweiser Super Bowl Ad?

          • Guacamole Jim

            Yes. They really didn’t think that one through.

          • I’d drink that. I’d drink that so hard.

          • Guacamole Jim

            You would.

            . . . be hard when you drank that.

          • For real, if any of you come to Venezuela I will try so hard to make you a cultural tour!

          • I’d certainly visit! What are some of the local foods/recipes there?

          • A lot of food: But you can resume in this mo’fos. Classified as the best breakfast by a lot of culinary experts: http://cdn.diariorepublica.com/cms/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/arepa-CON-QUESO-rallado-02.jpg

          • Kinda looks like an empenada, but can’t figure out that it is.

          • That’s a arepa. It’s like a bread made with corn flour.

          • I’m wondering what’s in the middle of it. Hash browns?

          • South America’s finest beer. Hard to find here though.

            http://grog-blog.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/palma-louca.jpg

          • more beer

            Horrible Beer!

          • Lol, yeah, but it’s an institution in Chicago, and breaks in the noobs.

          • Tyree

            That dude needs to shave. Not acceptable.

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            I need to shave.

          • BLXKKBEXRD

            No you dont

          • You’re right! Looks like a baby chicken.

          • Akercocke ov Steele

            Just reminded me I need to shave. I have the genetic traits of neck beard unfortunately.

          • BLXKKBEXRD

            Looks like I need to do a symposium

          • Even worse is the fauxhawk.

          • Akercocke ov Steele

            In my opinion, stoner metal is a guilty pleasure without the guilt part. You know if you turn just one Fu Manchu or Kyuss song on, you’re going to wind up listening to it all the way through.

          • Dagon

            Exactly. It’s music suited for any sort of activity. It’s great while driving, great while cleaning up, great while taking a shower, great while playing video games.

            Clearly I have a limited amount of activities, but you get the point.

          • Dagon

            Great while drinking a beer!

      • I roar because this message! Good stoner style made the way IT SHOULD BE! with riffs and attitude

    • tertius_decimus

      Great music! I was seeking for something like that.

  • Brock Samson

    I am really digging the Dead in the Manger album. I can see this one being in my top ten at the end of the year

  • This week’s lolbuttz selection is causing involuntary cringe spasms.

    • Brock Samson

      That is what makes it so good/bad

    • DDubya.

      The hell is he doing with his vocals?

      • Wrong. He’s doing it wrong.

      • Jefrey Waylon Mann

        Definitely not what he want to

  • tertius_decimus

    Blind Guardian and Solefald yay!

    Wind Rose, btw is better Ensiferum than Ensiferum.

  • BLXKKBEXRD

    Dat new blind guardian is amazing

  • #ToiletConfessions There’s a guy here that laugh so horrendous. I want to record it to share it with you, because it’s so so bad.

    • Guacamole Jim

      DO IT

    • tertius_decimus

      I heard women share their secrets in the toilet be it WC of McDonalds or some fancy night club. So it’s appropriate, there’s no better place to confess than toilet!

    • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

      Is it me?

      • DDubya.

        Are you in Venezuela?

        • The Bestest Tapir

          JJD actually lives in Venezuela? Yet another plot twist in the JJD saga.

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            No. I thought he was referring to someone on this site with a horrendous laugh.

          • Guacamole Jim
          • The Bestest Tapir

            How would he know what you laugh is like? You haven’t met. Or have you?
            *dramatic music*

          • JvRv

            A ToiletovHell Porcelain Pal-Around Party would be the most unflushworthy thing of all time.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            JJD in love in Venezuela.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            There’s a reason why my name was “whoops”

          • Whoops you did it again?

      • Of course, not! It’s a shitty co-worker! jajaja

  • Norman Shores sounds like Battles in the North with less blast beats.

  • Scrimm

    Not much to interest me metal wise this week. This week my sights are set on some electronic stuff

  • Stanley

    I’m back from the Surf City Half Marathon and ready to catch up on what’s been swirling around the toilet bowl. Did I miss anything spectacular or should I just start with TTT?

  • The new Blind Guardian album moistens me so much.

    • I’m definitely waiting to hear it, especially since the last one was based on Robert Jordan’s ‘Eye Of The World’.

  • tertius_decimus

    Asking for ToH hive mind. Is Solefald song “2011, or a Knight of the Fail” dedicated to teracts in Oslo?

  • Not a new band, but I’ll slide this power metal masterpiece your way. Just found about them last night. And looking forward to the new Blind Guardian!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OB1ZeozYqx8

  • CT-12

    This comment probably won’t show up with the crazy amount of circle jerking that came before me, but that Fulgora album doesn’t come out until March 24th.

    • DDubya.

      Man, every day in here is a circle jerk. That’s how it goes.

      • CT-12

        I wasn’t pissed or anything, I expect some CJ’ing whenever I visit the toilet

    • Lacertilian

      ‘Sort by Newest’ will fix that problem.

  • old_man_doom

    “Less catchy” is usually not something I want to hear in a review, but 0 X í S T track is still pretty solid.

  • Lacertilian

    @Stockhausen:disqus
    Keeper is just that!
    So fucking raspy, about to tackle Sea Bastard.

  • Dios mio, listening to the new Blind Guardian and it’s fucking EPIC!!!!!