This Toilet Tuesday (12/23/14)

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Welcome once again to This Toilet Tuesday! As December drags on like one of those never-ending sharpie poops, the stream of new releases has been reduced to barely a trickle (like one of those never-ending sharpie poops). I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing though; this seems like a good week to slow down, spend some time with friends or family, and take the time to appreciate what you already have. You never know when it’s going to be gone. At the very least, you’ll have time to catch up on all that other shit you bought earlier this year and haven’t listened to yet, you consumer whore. Happy flushing!


 

Ascension – The Dead of the World (Season of Mist/WTC Productions) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Black Ember”

One of our fellow Toileteers (probably Tyree) turned me on to this new material not too long ago, and it was really refreshing to come back to it for This Toilet Tuesday. With a blackened aggression similar to Hate and a use of chromaticism not unlike Thantifaxath, these guys pull off a greatly satisfying form of black metal that would hit just as hard in a death metal lineup. While I’ve only heard one song that premiered at No Clean Singing, the well-paced variety in “Black Ember” has me hopeful for a solid, one-two punch of an album that also finds ways to injure you in a more subtle fashion. (Stockhausen)


 

Havenless – The Crimson Lines (Wormholedeath) [Progressive Death Metal]
Listen to “Lamentation”

“Progressive” can mean a thousand different things to a thousand different bands, but Havenless keep listeners anchored with solid riffing, enjoyable explorations, and an overall sense of cohesion. While I love me some progressive metal bands, I will admit that many of them fall victim to aimless noodling from time to time (not BTBAM, you all shut your dang mouths), leaving the audience behind at tempo/key change number 293. While this preview doesn’t hint at testing any boundaries, this young group gives us a developed sense of structure and clear identity. Set aside some time for a few listens for this album! (Stockhausen)


this white mountain

This White Mountain – From Atop This White Mountain (Independent) [Post-Black Metal]

Stream

From atop This White Mountain by This White Mountain was a pleasant surprise. Press play on this album and allow your soul to soar to a snow-bedecked forest primeval where melodic, even folky black metal whirls and gusts down from the lofty peaks of Agallochian grandeur. This is a beautiful album, mixing lilting, tender cleans with pained screams, Borealic synths with earthy chords, and blasts with warm texture. This should be a perfect record to play around your family members this holiday without leading them to believe that you’re a cannibal baby-killer. (W.)


mistweaver

Mistweaver – Nocturnal Bloodshed (Satanath Records) [Melodeath]

Listen to “Hell’s Arrival” 

Melodic death metal is more often miss than hit for me. Few bands can achieve the soaring heights of Inter Arma. However, Mistweaver bring a jaunty, fun take on the genre that seems to hark back to the more extreme and competitive origin of the scene. Strained growls mesh with bouncy synth-lines to create a powerful dichotomy. If you dig head-banging riffs and thoughtful structure, you’ll enjoy Nocturnal Bloodshed. (W.)


dysangelium

Dysangelium – Thánatos Áskēsis (WTC Productions) [Blackened Death Metal]

Listen to “Ave Obscuritas Incarna”

I can’t resist good blackened death metal, and Dysangelium deliver just that on their full-length debut. The music can only be described as infernal, driven in large part by the vocalist’s ravaging screams. He sounds very similar to Behemoth’s Nergal, but without all the “all extreme music but mine sucks” rhetoric. If you like fast and furious riffs with a dynamic vocalist, then give them a listen. (Spear)


Allumn/Ancient Funeral Cult – When Everything Was Gone (Narcoleptica Productions) [Doom/Black Metal]
Stream

Düsterdrauβen – Where is Your Summer Now? (Narbentage Produktionen) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Gewölbe aus Trümmern”

Flittering – Grievance (Speed Ritual Records) [DOOM/Black Metal]
Stream

Israthoum/Chalice of Blood – Ascetic Temples/Sacrament of Death (split- Daemon Worship) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Ascetic Temples”

Khaos Labyrinth – Khao Ad Khao (Independent) [Black Metal]
Listen to “My Regress of Forgiven Soul”

Lich King – Do-Over (Evil Eye Records) [Thrash]

Minstrelix – Lost Renaissance ~The Road of Evangelist~ (Stay Gold) [Power Metal]

The Project Hate MCMXCIX – There is No Earth I will Leave Unscorched (Independent) [lolbuttz]
Preview

The Unguided – Fallen Angels (Napalm Records) [Melodeath]
Listen to “Eye of Thylacine”

Upon Graves – Ravenous Chaos (Independent) [Black Metal]

Vehemeth/Sereignos – Easternic Tyrannical Duobolicults (split- Diabolicurst Production) [Black Metal]

Woebegone Obsucred – Deathscape MMXIV (Solitude Productions) [Funeral Doom]
Stream

Did we forget a new release? Is there a way we could improve this list? Let us know in the comments below!

(Photos VIA, VIA,VIA, VIA and VIA)

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  • Howard Dean

    TOILET OV HELL IS THE NUMBER 1 FELLATOR OV POLE !!! WORST
    BLOG AND OPINIONS ON THE INTERNET. ELITISTS AND POSEURS WHO COWER BEFORE THE
    THRONE OF TRVE CIMMERIAN METAL. DEMI-SCHOLARS, ALL OV YOU! HIGHBROW WANNABE
    PHILOSOPHERS. GUFFAW! GUFFAW! GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSES AND FIGHT A SWORDBEARER
    OF TRVE METAL! IF A SHINY SILVER SPOON IS LODGED IN THE WORLD’S STANKIEST ASS,
    IS IT STILL SHINY?!! DON’T PATRONIZE ME! MY HAMMER OF DAD-ROCK WILL CRUSH ALL
    POSEUR KVNTS. UTOPIA?! THOMAS MORE WAS A PUNK AND A COCK SMOOCH!

    • If you put a diamond up a Toilet ov Hell writer’s butt, a silver spoon comes out.

      • Edward #negrod4eva

        The silver spoon is already there. Have to make room for the diamond.

        • Then you have two silver spoons, right?

          • Edward #negrod4eva

            Exactly right.

          • So what happens when a ToH writer has two silver spoons?

          • Howard Dean

            They use the extra one to cook meth and bath salts.

          • Herr Schmitty

            I don’t think the Toilet has any writers in Florida.

          • Mr. Bojangles

            Meth and bath salts are common in Florida? I know where I’m moving.

          • Herr Schmitty

            ESPECIALLY IN SOUTHWEST FLORIDA.

            There’s something about Fort Myers, Bradenton, Tampa and St. Petersburg that just makes people extra meth-y. Honorable mention to the redneck fucks in the panhandle.

          • Mr. Bojangles

            Let’s meet up and do some math together. I bet KJM could join.

            Edit: meth

          • KJM

            I can hang up to basic Algebra. After that I’m at a loss. ^_^

          • Edward #negrod4eva

            I got through Calculus 1 and 2 in college. Took some statistics. The bulk of my hard math-y stuff was upper division economics and business courses though.

          • KJM

            Didn’t do college, HS Diploma and vocational school much later in life.

          • Edward #negrod4eva

            I’ve done a lot of college with plans to do more in the immediate future. Sweet mother of Jeebus.

          • KJM

            I just hope it pays off for you and you’re not saddled with debt forever.

          • Edward #negrod4eva

            Thanks. That is my hope as well – I already am paying a fairly large student loan debt.

          • Howard Dean

            Just recently shrugged off the oppressive yoke of student loan burden. ’twas a beautiful day.

          • Edward #negrod4eva

            Wow, congratulations. I’m in it for the long haul, unfortunately.

          • Edward #negrod4eva

            He sticks one of them up his ass?

          • @dario_argento:disqus pls respond, I have two silver spoons and one is already up my ass, I don’t know what to do

          • Howard Dean

            Pull one out and serve some ice cream with it!

          • For now, I will use it to stir poop sprinkles into my coffee

          • Herr Schmitty

            I’m pretty sure you said ‘coffee’ when you meant ‘PSL.’ It’s cool, there’s an edit button for a reason!

          • Look at this guy, going way back for the jokes

          • …Ellipsis…

            Sell the second spoon, cause any elitist worth their salt knows two spoons is a faux pas…

          • Another conundrum…

            Does one become a TOH writer by sticking a silver spoon inside their butt, or does one appear inside their butt when they become a TOH writer?

          • …Ellipsis…

            A chicken/egg scenario.

            Another conundrum: If a black metal band plays in the woods when no one is around, do they make a sound?

          • Stockhausen

            Joe mails you one cast from one of the silver bars he gets from all the money pouring in from the site, and the FedEx guy shoves it up your butt.

          • …Ellipsis…

            Just the FedEx guy? I would have thought there was a whole ritual with Taylor Swift music and the burning of Axl and Vince effigies…

        • VVorld Peace

          I’m actually starting from scratch with a lump of coal.

          • That SHOULD turn into a diamond, and then another silver spoon, if my research is correct.

            If I’m wrong, just flush it.

          • …Ellipsis…

            W: Taking coal rolling to a whole new level.

          • Howard Dean

            Good starting point!. I tried starting with some decaying plant matter once, but all I ended up with was some petroleum and natural gas.

          • VVorld Peace

            My natural gas is in no short supply.

        • I’m more of a cactus guy.

          • Edward #negrod4eva

            Me? I’m more into fire hydrants.

    • Pagliacci is Kvlt/Elite
    • …Ellipsis…
      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        Nice Venom patch bro!

        • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

          life lover…

    • Guacamole Jim

      Though, in all fairness, Thomas Moore was a punk and a cock smooch. I think Jesus said that in the bible.

    • plot twist: @dario_argento:disqus is a Disqus alter-ego of @christianmolenaar:disqus

      • plot twist #2: @george_lynch:disqus is the real DON DOKKEN.

        GASP?!

        GL

        • Howard Dean

          plot twist #3: Don Dokken is actually the Cryptkeeper.

        • well hey stranger!

        • VVorld Peace

          We’ve missed you, hombre.

          • heyyyyoooooo. Had to come into work for a spell today. Christmas break around here is the tits!

            GL

          • VVorld Peace

            Are you drawing Krampus trees in Autocad?

          • Ha, I having been trying to get my Abaqus model to run for 2 weeks. I just cannot get it to work. So, while I watch my computer attempt to run the model, I am trying to look busy. But, since there are only 2 pplz here that is not a difficult thing to dooooooo

            GL

          • VVorld Peace

            I know that feeling. My data sorting program for my dissertation takes at least 20 minutes to go through a set, so I spend a lot of time just sitting around if I’m using it.

          • If your computer is working, you are working.

            That is my motto!

            GL

          • Mr. Bojangles

            you know what else is tits

          • KJM

            yr mom huhuhuhuh

          • Mr. Bojangles

            fuck how’d you know

          • KJM

            lucky guess

          • Mr. Bojangles

            Now, you will await further instructions.

          • KJM

            As always, My Master. The non believer @JackBauer shall pay for his constant insolence, and complaining about the dead mice.

        • Janitor Jim Dvggan

          Yay, you’re back! Did you hear the abysmal new Marilyn Manson album yet?

          • Not a MM fan JJD. The review by JJM seemed to spell out the awfulness though!

            G->L

      • Janitor Jim Dvggan

        I like Conan though! He likes a lot of the same classic rock as me!

        • oh i do too, it wasn’t a knock 🙂

        • KJM

          He’s my friend too but I think he overreacted here to say the least. However he’s dealing with some real life shit right now so I’m apt to cut him some slack.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

            That wasn’t him throwing the troll gear on?

          • KJM

            Nah, him and The Anus were getting into it pretty bad yesterday.

          • …Ellipsis…

            Let the record show it was all Metaphysical Anus’ fault.

          • KJM

            Duly noted. WHACK!

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            I did see some of it. Probably not most, because it seemed like his usual trolling potency 10, but trolling still.

          • VVorld Peace

            Really? I missed all that.

          • KJM

            Yeah, it was pretty heated. Sharon Tate jokes were made, tempers were lost.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            Tried to check something this morn, but I still missed it. On my way to enjoy it now.

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan
    • KJM

      “You’re not helping, Leon…”

    • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

      lol’ing @ “cock smooch”….

  • Turtleneck metal.

  • Howard Dean

    Consolamentum was a great album. Very excited for new Ascension.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n83A6DO58Zw

    Also, gotta love that Düsterdrauβen album title – Where is Your Summer Now? Hahahaha.

    • have you watched the show Ascension on SyFy? it’s good!

      • Howard Dean

        Nah, haven’t seen it. I’m pretty occupied by Cops and cooking shows.

        • i don’t know which cooking shows you enjoy,,, but Chopped has changed my life.

          • Howard Dean

            I love Chopped. Cutthroat Kitchen is also pretty awesome. I’ll even dig some Masterchef sometimes, or Iron Chef reruns.

          • my mom watches those shows

            GL

          • Howard Dean

            AND YOUR FUTURE PRESIDENT WATCHES THEM, TOO

            SHRIMP RISOTTO FOR EVERYONE

            DEAN IN ’16

          • She cuddles up on the couch with @disqus_V2MSSFfUOy:disqus to watch cooking shows.
            ~GL’sMomFacts~

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Strömsö or nuthin mate!

          • Lacertilian

            Iron Chef gets me all pumped up on novelty.

    • KJM

      Wounded Kings? One of my personal top 10 faves this year. I’m very disappointed that Sharie left the band.

  • Edward #negrod4eva

    It’s too bad The Project Hate falls under the ‘lolbuttz’ category. I would have checked that out based on the name otherwise. There still looks to be promising releases this week.

  • Gurrp

    Spear, why do you listen to so much new stuff all the time?

    • he’s probably just tired of all the old stuff

    • KJM

      He does it so we don’t have to.

    • Spear

      Somebody’s gotta do it.

  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

    Is that Mistweaver art by Necrolord?

    • Howard Dean

      That’s the first thing I thought, too. It definitely looks like Necrolord, but it’s not. Apparently it was made by Juanjo Castellano.

      http://satanath.com/news/item/mistweaver

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        Cool, so Necrolord worship. I can dig that.

      • Scrimm

        And Revel in Flesh. Good artist.

  • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

    Dear readers of the Toilet: I found some new SKRONKING SKRONK on AMG for you to SKRONK to.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cYC1ZhqBFYM

    • VVorld Peace

      Skronk you say?

      • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

        SKRONK I say.

        • #staygoatsandhoes

          <3

          GL

        • KJM

          SKRONKALICIOUS

    • this is good. i enjoy this. thank you, goat!

    • Guacamole Jim

      SKRONK

    • VVorld Peace

      I found their most recent full length on Spotify. I’m preeping that ish now.

    • Stockhausen

      Hmmm, this skronk seems to skronk. I enjoy it.

    • CT-12

      This sounds fucking sick, sounds a little more like progressive thrash to me (with definite skronk coming through), reminds me a ton of Believer or Antagonist (from Wisconsin)

    • Lacertilian

      Thanks Goat, vocals initially remind me of Tony Foresta & the dude from Psyopus.
      Municipal Skronkus?

  • You know you’re on a solid label when I can’t find a single shred of music to listen to on the day your EP is released. Solid work, Minstrelix. Stay Gold.

    • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

      Would that mean good music for your listening or your music?

      • Avalon Steel is on a friend’s label, Mechanical Pig. They just share our stuff around on FB for us sometimes, and that’s all we agreed to. They cool.

        I was making fun of Stay Gold / Minstrelix having absolutely zero internet presence for a release

    • Spear

      A lot of Japanese bands and labels are like that for some reason. They usually at least post snippets of new material, though.

  • Pagliacci is Kvlt/Elite

    This White Mountain is giving me a white mountain in my pants.

    • VVorld Peace

      YESSSS! I was trying to figure out how to work in a Tony Montana reference in there too, but that would have been too much.

      • Howard Dean

        Scarface reference, you say? Well, you could have said that you wanted to bury your face in the white mountain in his pants… wait. Oh. That got weird fast.

        • VVorld Peace

          What do Tony Montana, Agalloch, and This White Mountain all have in common?

          Pagliacci’s harder-than-a-diamond-in-an-ice-storm-chubber in his pants.

          Did I do that right?

          • Pagliacci is Kvlt/Elite

            You forgot to work in the silver spoon in my ass.

          • VVorld Peace

            Dang. Okay, lemme try again.

            Tony Martin once snorted cocaine off of a silver spoon. Aesop Decker found that silver spoon and used it to compose all of Agalloch’s material up until The Serpent and the Sphere. Then he tragically lost the silver spoon somewhere in Pagliacci’s rectum, but it was recovered by This White Mountain and used to shoot heroin into KJM’s gooch.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            That made me laugh very hard.

          • KJM

            (golf clap)

          • Stockhausen

            Stay Spoonbutt.

          • Edward #negrod4eva

            What about GK’s private internet bits?

          • Pagliacci is Kvlt/Elite
          • Get on my level:

  • Mr. Bojangles
  • Mr. Bojangles

    I can dig Mistweaver.

  • CyberneticOrganism

    FLAGGED FOR SHARPIE POOP REFERENCE

  • FLUSH’EM ALL!!!!!!!!!

  • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

    My goodness. Havenless is awesome

  • Punkrock

    YOM NO LOVE ME GUISE???

    • VVorld Peace

      I love you, dear reader. I love each one of you tiny, little goofballs.

      • KJM

        This comment ams dildos. Agains.

    • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

      I LUV U. I CAM SII U EVRI WIIK!

  • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

    Going Goat

    Ascension: It’s allright, basic Orthodox/religious BM from Sweden comes to mind mostly. Horrible logo. No truly miraculous songs.

    Havenless: Nice, semi-proggy death. No Opeth worship, which is always a plus in PDM. I like it.

    Dysangelium: Slightly Ascension-like, with more death. I prefer this by a bit. Could be just my former familiarity with them though.

    Mistweaver: Melodeath, but not very interesting.

    • …Ellipsis…

      #GoingGoat

    • Great nickname boss!

      • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

        Danke

  • KJM

    NEEDZ MOAR LOLBUTTZ

  • KJM

    This kitteh agreez

  • Scrimm

    All this new shit and I’m going to trade my cd collection today 🙁

    • Metaphysical Anus

      Varför?

      • Scrimm

        Bad luck. Still job hunting and I had a bomb drop that took every cent I had left.

        • Fuuuck. I’m sorry dude. : /

          • Scrimm

            Yeah stuff got real tight REAL fast. Oh well, I’m grateful for what I do have. And you guys.

        • Mr. Bojangles

          there’s only one thing I’d hate to trade more than my CD collection…

          my used condom collection

          • Scrimm

            It hurts believe me.

        • oh no. hope you have your music digitally. if not, i know a large group of metalheads that can help you out!!

          • Scrimm

            Most of it.

          • Mr. Bojangles

            I won’t be much help since all of my CDs are copies of Way of the Fist.

          • KJM

            huhuhuhuh…fist…huhuhuhuh

          • Mr. Bojangles

            in ur mom
            hehe

          • Scrimm

            Yep no help there since there is no way I’m trading my copy of that.

          • Mr. Bojangles

            best album 2014

        • KJM

          Very sorry to hear.

        • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

          Shit! Sorry for you.

        • Metaphysical Anus

          Damn… Hopefully things will get better soon for you.

          • Scrimm

            Yes Hopefully. Thanks man.

        • VVorld Peace

          Sorry dude! That sucks.

          • Scrimm

            Yeah it’s 20 years of collecting that breaks my heart to part with, but it’s either that or my musical equipment.

          • VVorld Peace

            🙁 I hope things turn up for you soon!

          • Jöhnny Crünch ™

            Fuck man that sucks, I hope shit picks up for you soon

          • Scrimm

            Yeah it better.

    • Howard Dean

      Very sorry to hear that, good sir.

      • Scrimm

        Yeah dude it was not a pleasant experience but it had to be done. Now I’m just looking at my empty shelves.

  • there’s some GREAT stuff out this week! thanks for all your hard work, @Stockhausen:disqus, @disqus_4cmy05mgrZ:disqus, and @disqus_kqxyUNPxty:disqus!

    • VVorld Peace

      It’s pretty much all Spear. Stocky and I just lolbuttz it up.

  • JWG

    Obsucred? Is that like “buried in sweetener”?