This Toilet Tuesday (12/22/15)


You’re making your way home from your friend’s Christmas party. It was a good night; drinks were drank, good food was had, and merriment was made. You decided to duck out a little early as you were starting to feel a bit feverish, but it was fun regardless. You settle in for the long drive home and let your thoughts drift to preparing for the holiday itself.

Your reverie is interrupted by a sudden wave of nausea. You can feel a bubbling sensation in your stomach as bile begins to rise. As much as you want to hold it, you know that you won’t be able to contain yourself for long. Miles from the nearest rest stop or gas station, you pull over to the side of the highway and get out of the car. It doesn’t take long; you retch almost immediately, putrid chunks of roast meat and a thick, sickly sweet mixture of bile and booze spilling out of your esophagus. You make a dash for the ditch as you feel a second wave start to rise. Collapsing to your hands and knees, you pour the contents of your stomach into the virgin snow beneath you. You cough and sputter and moan, a long strand of viscous spittle dangling from your lip. You grab a handful of clean snow and use it to clean the edges of your mouth. That was unpleasant, but you’re feeling better now. You get to your feet and get back in your car.

Twenty minutes later, it comes again stronger than before. You barely make it out of your car this time before you begin to heave. Clearly your homemade brandied eggnog wasn’t such a good idea after all. A few leftover bits of food escape your bowels, but little else comes out. That doesn’t matter to your body; it continues trying to regurgitate what isn’t there. You dry heave for who knows how long. Your muscles hurt. There’s nothing left in your digestive system, solid or liquid. Still, you continue to retch. You collapse in the snow, unable to pick yourself up. You know you should get back to your car, find water, find someone who can help, but you’re so tired. You’re bundled up though; a short rest can’t hurt too much. You close your eyes and drift into darkness…

Embrace the void. This is Toilet Tuesday.


Akhenaten – Incantations Through the Gates of Irkalla (Satanath Records) [Folk/Blackened Death]

Are you the kind of guy/gal/reptile that can’t get enough Egyptian-sounding metal? If you answered yes, I have good news for you! Akhenaten, named after one of the most controversial pharaohs who cast down the polytheism of ancient Egypt in favor of a monotheistic system and whose reign saw a unique and distinct revolution in Egyptian art, are here to give you a healthy dose of Phrygian modes and Eastern instrumental flourishes to keep your sandy heart satisfied. Most important, though, is the fact that the blackened death metal on this album slays more than the spawns of Set consuming penitents at the Nile delta. This album is booming, sprawling, and stony, like a mighty desert colossus. Don’t miss it. FFO: Scarab, Nile, Scythian 12/20/15 (W.)


Icethrone – Winter Tales (Nemeton Records) [Viking Metal]
Listen to “Pay With Your Blood”

There isn’t a whole lot of variation in modern Viking metal. Do Icethrone bring anything new to the table? Let’s see. Black/death metal with progressive tinges? Check. Swirling, wintry synths? Check. Galloping riffs evoking the flight of Sleipnir? Check. Lyrical content about gods and war? Check. Yep, Winter Tales is a pretty by-the-numbers affair, but if you dig this style, you’ll probably find something to enjoy here. FFO: Shlechtvalk, Bathory, older Drottnar 12/20/15 (W.)


Hikan – The Cycle of Pain (Independent) [DSBM]

Hikan play the kind of dsbm I enjoy most. It’s raw as hell and spends as much time wallowing in slow despair as it does in the agonizing, faster parts. There’re torturous howls for vocals and a light touch of keyboards in the back. Melodies seem scarce though they are present – distortion and reverb drown everything in a bottomless pit. Check out: hatred 12/20/15 (Karhu)


Grafvitnir – Necrosophia (Daemon Worship) [Black Metal]

It’s just about Christmas, so let’s offset all that obnoxious peace and joy with some good old-fashioned devil worship. Grafvitnir contemplate the hereafter with a surprising amount of melody, driven forth by infernal leads and hissed vocals. Necrosophia pushes exactly zero boundaries (either for the band or the genre as a whole- it feels a lot like a continuation of last year’s Semen Serpentis), but it’s a damn fine record regardless. 12/22/15 (Spear)

the clearing path

The Clearing Path – Abyss Constellation (Avantgarde Music) [Black Metal]

I really enjoyed Watershed Between Earth and Firmament, last summer’s bold first statement from one-man project The Clearing Path. Abyss Constellation remains somewhere in the post-black metal landscape, building on Gabriele Gramaglia’s knack for combining enough influences, twists, and turns to stay truly compelling. Fascinating riffs and maze-like structure recall nature’s icy indifference while hardcore and sludge injections hammer this short release home. My only complaint is that it’s not longer. Also, Stockhausen sucks a lolbutt. Jam this album. Suckhausen sucks. 12/21/15 (Stockhausen)

Blackthorn – Witch Cult Ternion (MSR Productions) [Symphonic Metal]


Blliigghhtted – Kosmoskampf (Merdümgiriz) [Black Metal]

Bloodlash – Rain (Inverse Records) [Death Metal]

Comatose – The Ultimate Revenge (Satanath Records) [Death Metal]

Listen to “The Ultimate Revenge”

Degial – Savage Mutiny (Sepulchral Voice Records) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Savage Mutiny”

Dira Mortis – Psalms of Morbid Existence (Defense Records) [Death Metal]

Drama/Perdition Winds – Drama/Perdition Winds (split- Satanath Records) [Black Metal]

Element of Eclipse – HeretiKvlt Manifesto (Independent) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Angel Ov Repugnance”

Endless Recovery – Revel in Demise (Witches Brew) [Thrash]
Listen to “Revel In Demise,” “Reaping Fire”

Excruciation – Twenty Four Hours (Auric Records) [Doom]

Fantoft – Possessed by Chaos (Independent) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Possessed by Chaos”

Gravewürm – Doomed to Eternity (Hells Headbangers) [Black Metal]
Listen to “The One True Soul of Darkness”

Hijos de Overon – Camino de piedras (Rock-CD Records) [Heavy Metal]

Intracranial Parasite – Deviations Period of Inhumane (Deathfans Records) [Brutal Death Metal]
Listen to “Digging Stomach Contents”

Kult Mogił – Anxiety Never Descending (Pagan Records) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Serene Ponds”

Lustration – Jesus Bethlemitus Maledictus (Forgotten Wisdom Productions) [Black Metal]

Nan Elmoth – Hammer of the Moon (Independent) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Unleash The King Of Wolves”

Nott – Immaculate Eclipse (Razed Soul Productions) [Black Metal]

Odyssea – Storm (Diamonds Production) [Power Metal]

Retaliador – Insane Thrash (Obskure Chaos Distro) [Thrash]
Listen to “Juquery (Mad City)”

Sad Theory – Vérmina Audioclastia Póstuma (Independent) [Death Metal]

Shivers Addiction – Choose Your Prison (Revalve Records) [lolbuttz]
Listen to “Against We Stand”

Strife Machine – Selferadication (Independent) [DSBM]

Stworz – Zagony Bogów (Werewolf Promotion) [Folky Black Metal]
Listen to “Pług czasu,” “Perun jest mnogi”

Thrashfire – Vengeance of Fire (Xtreem Music) [Thrash]
Listen to “Chainsaw Metal”

Warcry – Possessed by Evil (Journey’s End Records) [Heavy Metal]
Listen to “Possessed by Evil”

Wendigo Psychosis – Herzblut (Independent) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Zum Fressen Gern”

Did we forget a new release? Is there a way we could improve this list? Let us know in the comments below!

(Images VIA, VIA, VIA, VIA)

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  • Celtic Frosty

    Totes curious about that Clearing Path album.

  • Willowtip Krampus grab-bag (RFI)! any of these good? (aside from Baring Teeth, huehue)

    • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

      Fuck, haven’t ordered from them in forever.

      EDIT: Goatsblood, Circle of Dead Children, Phobia, Crowpath are good if memory serves.

      • they’re not all gonna be winners, but have fingers crossed for Goatsblood

        • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

          That’s the joy/sorrow of a grab-bag……

          • still a few days left to regift some of them

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Now you’re talking.

      • Dubs

        Circle of Dead Children and Phobia >>>


      That Phobia is some solid grind


        Circle of Dead Children also good

        • Abe-y Metal

          I talked to CODC ages and ages ago about promoting them, but the singer was going through some things (as was I soon afterwards). Good band!

    • Guppusmaximus

      I saw ‘Atrophy’ and almost lost my shit till I realized that it was the title of that Baring Teeth CD.

    • Celtic Frosty

      I did. The only good record I got was that Baring Teeth one. Oh well.


    Get all 137 Satanath Records releases available on Bandcamp and save 75%

    $63 seems like a pretty good deal for that

    • Dubs

      My Batushka cd shipped.

      • ME GORAK B.C.™


      • COAL ROLL

        I will be proudly brandishing my copy on FB as soon as it arrives

  • CyberneticOrganism

    GRAFVITNIR has entered the game

  • 365ChaosRiddenDays

    The new album by Grafvitnir has a lot of good riff, a solid Black Metal album and “Degial” are another band worthy to be heard.

  • Your writing gets better every week. You should compile a Best Of for these toilet Tuesday intros.

    • Spear

      Apparently I need to get violently ill more often then, because that’s what inspired this one.

      • Did Randall get you sick?

        • Spear

          Probably at the last dragon orgy.

          • ahhh, gotta be careful at those things.

          • Dagon

            E. coli dragonium

      • It shows. You really captured the essence of “Fuck, that’s food poisoning I’m gonna fucking die *barf*”

  • Eliza

    Akhenaten is awesome! Their sound is pretty unique as far as metal is concerned.

    • Lacertilian

      I’m like a collector of this sort of stuff.
      I can’t get enough of it, I take it you’re familiar with the bands Dubs mentioned,
      along with Melechesh, Karl Sanders’ solo project?

      • Eliza

        Now I am!

        • Lacertilian

          Cool, the second embed track (‘Desert Eschaton’) on this article about your fellow Romanians has an awesome Moroccan vibe to it.
          Takes me straight to the streets of Tangier.

          • Eliza

            I like this kind of stuff, too. Sunset in the 12th House is an amazing band and I want to see them live asap.

  • Guacamole Jim

    Only rum eggnog is real.

    • Rum, yum!

    • Abe-y Metal

      Without the eggnog, sure.

    • Waynecro

      Rum Eggnog is one of the last alcoholic beverages I ever had. I still love eggnog.

      • Was that the straw that broke the Waynecro’s back?

        • Waynecro

          The pancreatitis that ended my drinking career kicked into full force in the early afternoon of Christmas 2006, so I was able to hold a couple drinks down before I started puking up gobbets of the pieces of meat that make up my endocrine system. The last thing I clearly remember drinking was a rum eggnog.

          • I blame the nog. Whatever that is.

          • Waynecro

            Eggnog is one of the world’s finest beverages. Of course, it tastes awful when you use it to make a protein shake. I’ll own that failed experiment.

  • OT: I had a sausage, bacon, and egg breakfast croissant at Burger King this morning. My stomach hurts and I just want everyone to know that if I die I loved you all and am sorry for being a prick sometimes.

    • It could be worse. You could have had mountain dew coated chicken wings.

      • EsusMoose

        Don’t worry I just microwaved the left overs, time to die

    • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

      Take care, bro. The void waits for no one……

    • workin’ your way up to that JJD-tough stomach lining!

    • Dagon

      You’re just gonna take a painful shit and move on like a true soldier.

    • Abe-y Metal

      (in the voice of Roy Batty from ‘Blade Runner’) I’ve seen things………. things you wouldn’t believe. Indian buffet food and Tequila battering it’s way out of my colon in a blaze of fury………. Taquer Berol combo meals firing diarrhea like Napolean’s cannons. Time to die-arrhea…………

  • PostBlackenedWhaleGaze

    Holy shit that intro. Brutal.

    • Lacertilian

      Spear never disappoints.

  • I regret going back to read that intro.


  • Abe-y Metal

    Decided to check out Shivers Addiction (I’m wondering what’s with the band name. Are they addicted to stepping out in sub zero weather, or perhaps walk in coolers?) thanks to the anti-recommendation of our arrowhead-tipped pal Spear, and gadzooks is this shit fucking AWFUL!!!!!! The video’s lolbuttz. He even said it’s the worst of the year, but I got one so so soooooooooo much worse.

  • Abe-y Metal

    And Maiden released this today. Come for the Maiden, stay for a Fear Of The Dark Eddie that looks like a potted plant Groot drawn by a 6 year old.

  • Boss the Albatross Ross

    Check this out. Acoustic doom moody excellence, released on the 20th. First track features a guitar solo from Don Anderson of Agalloch.

  • Abe-y Metal

    And in other news, Fred Durst is officially banned from the Ukraine for the next 5 years. Maybe because of him arguing with M. Shadows yesterday?

  • Waynecro

    Hooray for fresh Tuesday jams!

  • Lacertilian

    Thanks @disqus_kqxyUNPxty:disqus, you sure know how to get my interest!
    Blatantly mentioning that the music will appeal to reptiles works.
    I’m listening now, reminds me a fair bit of Scarab but with more of a symphonic-edge.