This Toilet Tuesday (11/18/14)

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You wake up. It’s still dark; your head is pounding after a night of hard drinking and your stomach is painfully bloated. You glance over at your alarm clock. 3:30 AM. You groan and stumble out of bed, knocking over your lamp on the way out and hitting your head on the bathroom door. You turn on the light and it pierces your corneas like drills. Nothing matters but relieving the tension in your abdomen right now, though, and you seat yourself on your cold toilet. The pressure builds and, expecting the worst, you give a mighty push.

The result startles you nearly sober. A thunderous fart like the cross between the lowest note on a tuba and the sound of two thick pieces of ham being slapped together reverberates through your house. You hear your cat running for cover somewhere in the living room. You’re pretty sure you can feel the foundation shifting beneath you. This is it. I’m going to die, your half-drunken mind screams at you, but the fart is gone as suddenly as it came. You sit up; the tension is gone. Confused, you peer into the toilet. A single tiny fecal orb that could be mistaken for a deer dropping rests at the bottom, surrounded by a bit of translucent brownish slime. You sigh and finish your business, almost feeling insulted at the waste of time and effort, before shuffling back to bed. That is this particular Toilet Tuesday; a big list with not a lot of substance. Stockhausen, W, and I took the time to scoop up that little bit of slime to present to you here, and there are a few more good selections in the list below (Bloodbath!), but for the most part, there’s nothing particularly enthralling about it. Have at it, flushers. -Spear


seelenfrost

Seelenfrost – (Talheim Records) [Black Metal]

Listen to “Erde,” “Himmel”

Upon seeing the title of Seelenfrost’s newest, , I was tempted to immediately flush it and re-title it as “8====☽” for all of us mature adults here at the ToH. Alas, I am at obligated to give everything at least a cursory listen in order to hastily slap on the first genre that comes to mind so you can all yell at me for how wrong I am. Fortunately, Seelenfrost is much better at writing songs than they are at titling their works. They play melancholic black metal with just a hint of folk, doubling the guitar parts with strings and choirs for an interesting warm quality. Plus, the drummer chose to actually write riffs instead of opting for the usual six-minute stretches of unvaried blastbeats! Good stuff! (Spear)


in tormentata quiete

In Tormentata Quiete – Cromagia (My Kingdom Music) [Avant-Garde Metal]

Listen to “la visione del Nero”

I’ll admit to being totally blind going into this one. For these blurbs I tend to pick bands I’m somewhat familiar with, but with whom I can still have a bit of an outside perspective. I had never heard of these guys, but I saw avant-garde and decided to go all in. I’m not disappointed! I wouldn’t quite call it avant-garde; we’re looking at a fascinating mix of elements that are mostly straightforward on their own, but fresh and engaging when combined in this way. Alternating between powerful, soaring cleans reminiscent of a billowy white shirt on the Italian shoreline and artsy symphonic black metal, these guys and gals serve up an eclectic mix of captivating music (with a little bit of cheese on the side) that warrants many repeated listens. (Stockhausen)


thomas giles

Thomas Giles – Modern Noise (Metal Blade) [Alt-Metal]

Listen to “Siphon the Bad Blood”

I’ll admit to being totally biased going into this one. I’m an unabashed Between the Buried and Me fan, and I really loved Tommy Rogers’ first solo album Pulse under his project name Thomas Giles. Fanboys rejoice, for he’s back with another album of catchy, fresh rock that deftly sports electronic shadings. Thus far, we’ve heard “I Appear Disappear,” “Mutilated World,” and “Siphon the Bad Blood,” and we still get the sense of the fine-tuned layering seen on Pulses with a clear progression of songwriting capabilities. There are more moments of a “band” format, adding to what I expect to be a nicely paced album through electronic vs. instrumental elements. Vary up your weekly blast of icy grimness with Modern Noise, and admit that life isn’t all desolate moonbeams and forests of the north. (Stockhausen)


cripper

Cripper – Hyëna (Metal Blade) [Death Thrash]

Listen to “Tourniquet”

Does the recent flaccid output by The Crown leave you jonesing for a balls-to-the-wall fix of death/thrash? Well, fret not, because Cripper are here to uppercut you right in the taint with a shot of adrenaline. “Tourniquet” is a shredding banger with great tone, great riffs, and great energy. This isn’t reinventing the wheel by any means, but who cares when something has you headbanging this hard? (W.)


primordial

Primordial – Where Greater Men Have Fallen (Metal Blade) [Folk Metal]

Listen to “Where Greater Men Have Fallen”

I’ve been digging Primordial since the release of Spirit the Earth Aflame, and I have high hopes for this album. Folk metal is more often miss than it is hit, but Primordial have an impressive acumen and always know how to avoid the pitfall of most folk metal bands. They consistently maintain the quality of the metal side of the folk metal equation, even if they no longer bear the trappings of black metal. “Where Greater Men Have Fallen” is an enthralling track that takes your heart on a journey across the sea to a mythical land of daring heroes and dastardly villains. This is folk metal done right, so don’t skip on this. (W.)


Adversarial/Paroxsihzem – Warpit of Coiling Atrocities (split- Vault of Dried Bones) [Blackened Death]
Preview

Air Raid – Point of Impact (High Roller Records) [Heavy Metal]
Listen to “Wildfire”

Aversion’s Crown – Tyrant (Nuclear Blast) [Deathcore]
Listen to “The Glass Sentient”

Bereft – Lost Ages (Silent Pendulum) [Black Metal/Doom]
Listen to “Loss”

Blind Race – Come and Get it (Independent) [Nu Metal]
Listen to “Come and Get it”

Bloodbath – Grand Morbid Funeral (Peaceville Records) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Famine of God’s Word,” “Church of Vastitas”

Bloodbound – Stormborn (AFM Records) [Power Metal]
Listen to “Iron Throne”

Bloodstained Ground – A Poem of Misery (Czar of Bullets) [Melodeath]
Preview

Brant Bjork – Black Power Flower (Napalm Records) [Stoner Rock]
Stream

Brezno – Kri (Independent) [Folk Metal]
Listen to “Žanjica”

Cadaveria – Silence (Scarlet Records) [Black Metal]
Preview

Caskets Open – To Serve the Collapse (Ranka Kustannus) [Doom]
Listen to “Leave Them Alone”

Centinex – Redeeming Filth (Agonia Records) [Death Metal]
Listen to “When Bodies are Deformed,” “Moist Purple Skin,” “Death Glance”

Crimson Blue – The Angelic Performance (My Kingdom Music) [Art Metal]
Listen to “3rd Eye Close”

Cryptic Rising – Cryptic Rising (Black Metal Underground Records) [Black Metal]
Stream

Cuff – Transient Suffering Through the Ergosphere (Gore House) [Rings of Slamturn]
Stream

Cyhyraeth – Servant to the Fire (Independent) [Melodeath]
Listen to “Servant to the Fire”

Dimension – Revolution (Nightmare Records) [Prog Metal]
Listen to “Pale Horse” (actually, don’t)

Divine Ascension – Liberator (Vicisolum Productions) [Melodic Metal]
Listen to “Stronger”

Divine Wind – Front Crash ~最前線の激突~ (Unlimited Records) [Power Metal]
Listen to “Tomorrow” (demo)

The Duskfall – Where the Tree Stands Dead (Apostasy Records) [Melodeath]
Listen to “Where the Tree Stands Dead,” “Farewell”

Ellende – Weltennacht (Talheim Records) [Atmospheric/Post-Black Metal]
Listen to “Zwischen Sommer und Herbst”

Entrench – Violent Procreation (War Anthem Records) [Death Thrash]
Listen to “Devoid of Life”

Eternal Sex and War – Negative Monoliths (Quality Steel Records) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Endless Dogmatic Demolition”

Et Moriemur – Ex Nihilo In Nihilum (Solitude Productions) [Doom/Depression]
Listen to “Liebeslied”

Ewigheim – 24/7 (Massacre Records) [Dark Metal]

Extinctionist – Portals of Extraterrestrial Invasions (Rising Nemesis Records) [Brutal Death]
Listen to “Portals of Extraterrestrial Invasions,” “Devoured by the Atmosphere”

Fen – Carrion Skies (Code666) [Progressive Black Metal]
Listen to “Menhir – Supplicant”

The Ghost Inside – Dear Youth (Epitaph Records) [Metalcore]
Stream

Gurd – Fake (NoiseArt) [Tuff Guy Metal]
Listen to “Fake”

Heavydeath – They Had No Names (Caligari Records) [Doom]
Stream

Idol of Fear – All Sights Affixed, Ablaze (Independent) [Melodeath]
Stream

Into Infernus – The End of Eden (Hollowed Records) [Blackened Deathcore?]
Listen to “Eve: Arch Angel,” “Tainted”

Jarnvidr – Landzplågor (Ostragothia Productions) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Vapenoffer”

Kaledon – Antillius: The King of Light (Scarlet Records) [Power Metal]
Listen to “The Calm Before the Storm”

Karne – Faith in Flesh (Quality Steel Records) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Kill Me Again”

Kult Ofenzivy – Nauky Různik (Iron Bonehead) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Nauky Různik”

Lawless – R.I.S.E. (Escape Music Ltd.) [Heavy Metal]
Preview

Manimalism – Manimalism (Independent) [Avant-Garde Metal]
Listen to “Demons in Tuxedos”

Maximum Oversatan – Too Raw for Sound (Contaminated Tones) [Black Thrash]

Morodh – The World of Retribution (Witching Hour Productions) [Depressive Black Metal]
Stream

Neoplasmah – Auguring the Dusk of a New Era (Independent) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Stargate to Infinity”

Northumbria – Bring Down the Sky (Consouling Sounds) [Ambient]
Preview

NYN – Eventuality (Independent) [Progressive Death Metal]
Listen to “Death of the Nomadic,” “Torrential Flames,” “Oppression Unleashed”

Opus of a Machine – Simulacra (Independent) [Prog Metal]
Stream

Owl – The Last Walk (Zeitgeister) [Ambient/Doom]
Stream

Raspberry Bulbs – Privacy (Blackest Ever Black) [Black Metal/Crust]
Listen to “Light Surrounds Me”

Rauncy – Vices, Virtues, Visions (Massacre Records) [Melodeath]
Listen to “Truth Taker”

Revenge – Harder Than Steel (Rata Mutante) [Heavy Metal]
Listen to “Harder Than Steel”

Rise of the Northstar – Welcame (sic) (Nuclear Blast) [lolbuttz]
Listen to “Welcame (Furyo State of Mind)”

Rosae Crucis – Massoneria (MyGraveyard Productions) [Heavy Metal]
Preview

Savage Master – Mask of the Devil (Van Records) [Heavy Metal]
Listen to “The Ripper in Black”

Soldierfield – Catharsis (Metalbox Recordings) [Groove Metal]
Listen to “Beautiful Lie”

Soulburn – The Suffocating Darkness (Century Media) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Under the Rise of a Dead Moon”

Stories from the Lost – Impairment (Dunk Records) [Post-Metal]
Listen

Ten – Albion (Rocktopia Records) [Hard Rock]

Thanatos – Global Purification (Century Media) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Global Purification”

These Are They – At the Feast of Seven Funerals (The End Records/Unruly Sounds) [Death Metal]
Stream

Thou Shell of Death – Cave Hill (Talheim Records) [Atmospheric Black Metal]
Listen to “The Spirit of the Forest Spring”

Ulver – Trolsk Sortmetall 1993-1997 (boxed set- Century Media) [Black Metal]

Varathron – Untrodden Corridors of Hades (Agonia Records) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Kabalistic Invocation of Solomon”

Warkvlt – Maju, Serbu, Serang, Hancurkan!!! (Persetan Records) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Maju, Serbu, Serang, Hancurkan!!!”

Did we forget a new release? Is there a way we could improve this list? Let us know in the comments below!

(Photos VIA, VIA, VIA, VIA, and VIA)

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