This Toilet Tuesday (10/10/17)

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It has been over a week since your last bowel movement. Your existence is suffering; standing hurts, moving hurts, your joints are inflamed, and you’re positive that your blood is septic at this point. Sitting on your couch at 2AM in a delirious haze, kept awake by the pain, you stare blankly at some vapid TV program and wonder if it’ll ever end. Your stomach grumbles loudly as if in response to your pondering; you sigh and stagger your way to the toilet, preparing for another fruitless attempt at relief.

The chilling kiss of porcelain against your bare ass is enough to clear your head somewhat, and you focus on wringing out your bowels with as much strength as you can muster. To your surprise, you feel a stirring; it feels like something shifted, but it’s blocked. Redoubling your efforts, you push again, gripping the sides of the bowl for support. The mounting rectal pressure is almost too much to bear, but victory is in sight. Just as you are about to give up hope, a deafening blast issues forth from your anus. The toilet shatters beneath you, the force of the explosion catapulting you forward. You feel more than hear a sickening crack as your head connects with the opposite wall. You slump to the floor, head twisted at an odd angle, windpipe crushed, choking on blood and mucus. As your vision fades to blackness, you can do nothing but stare in confusion at the sideways world: your grossly prolapsed anus stretched out behind you, pulsing slightly as it vomits out thick red-gray blood; a white dust settling over the carnage; and in the middle of the wreckage of your toilet, a shining, diamond-hard nugget of shit. Your final thought is how the end of your exposed guts reminds you of the peeled-back barrel of an exploded cartoon shotgun.

Brace for the onslaught; this is Toilet Tuesday.


Flying Fortress – Bitchwind (Uncle D Records) [Punk/Heavy Metal]
Stream

Great cover, great album title. Flying Fortress mostly play straightforward crust with a bit of a fuzzy guitar sound, but the vocals only occasionally go into gruff territory; for the most part, the singer employs a peculiarly pleasant singing voice that sounds a little like if Danny Sexbang joined a pop punk band. Takes some getting used to, but works surprisingly well for the most part. Give it a go if you can dig stuff like Torche10/10/17 (Hans)


Mork – Eremittens dal (Peaceville Records) [Black Metal]
Listen to “I Hornenes Bilde”

Disappointingly, Mork does not appear to be have any connection to everyone’s favorite intergalatic emissary from Ork, but if you’re in the mood for some plodding, Darkthrone-esque riffs, then Mork are still worth your time.  I took a brief dive into the last 2 albums, and immediately the production is what stands out in comparison to these new singles. Mork’s previous albums were absolutely drenched in reverb, but it’s dialed back a bit on this new album, and the guitar tone is a bit beefier as well.  They aren’t necessarily treading any new ground with this release, but it’s some solid, straight-up, old-school black metal, and I can never get enough of those doomy, mid-paced riffs. 10/13/17 (Dumpster Lung)


Narcotic Wasteland – Delirium Tremens (Independent) [Brutalish Death Metal]
Listen to “Faces of Meth”

Here’s another party to which I was late (as usual), but I’m not so upset about it, this time. Narcotic Wasteland began as a side project of Dallas Toler-Wade when he was not touring or recording with Nile, and now appears to be his main gig since leaving the band. Dallas was certainly one of my favorite parts of Nile, and his vocal style and delivery are still great, as is his guitar playing, but in this case, the lyrics are bugging me a bit, which is unusual for someone like me, who rarely notices or even retains song lyrics at all. A lot of the themes are anti-drug related or are just reflections of societal problems, which is by no means a problem in and of itself, except the lyrics themselves are so on-the-nose (and so intelligible, which is something I’ve always liked about Dallas’s vocals), that it’s very hard to ignore. Maybe that will change with time, and this will grow on me, but the heavy-handed and unimaginative wording feels a bit at odds with the over-the-top, rapid-fire shredding and soloing for which Dallas is beloved. I’d still say that anyone who is a fan of Nile or any other technical, brutal death metal should check this out and see if I’m just being an idiot. 10/13/17 (Dumpster Lung)


Altarage – Endinghent (Season of Mist) [Blackened Death Metal]
Listen to “Spearheaderon,” “Orb Terrax”

Aphonic Threnody – Of Loss and Grief (Terror from Hell Records) [Funeral Doom]
Preview

Asbel – For the Witches Fall a Sorrowful Ode (Independent) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Mother Tituba”

Atala – Labyrinth of Ashmedai (Salt of the Earth Records) [Sludge/Doom]
Listen to “Grains of Sand”

Babylon Fire – Heresy in Black (Independent) [Heavy Metal]
Listen to “Coup de Grâce”

Bastardhammer/Violation Wound – Bastardhammer/Violation Wound (Horror Pain Gore Death) [Crusty Death]
Listen to “Live Large, Die Fat” (Bastardhammer), “Into the Reactor” (Violation Wound)

Bellfast – Triquedraco (King Records) [Folk Metal]
Preview

Belus – Apophenia (Vendetta Records) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Avarice”

Blindfolded and Led to the Woods – Modern Adoxography (Independent) [Weird Brutal Death]
Listen to “33440,” “Meth Tooth”

Bloodstrike – Execution of Violence (Redefining Darkness) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Creeper,” “Hell’s Wasteland”

Cadaveric Incubator – Sermons of the Devouring Dead (Hells Headbangers) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Gravestench Asphyxiation,” “The Covenant of Gore”

Claim the Throne – On Desolate Plains (Independent) [Melodeath]
Listen to “Spirit of Fire,” “Mantra”

Cultes des Ghoules/Sepulchral Zeal – Cultes des Ghoules/Sepulchral Zeal (split- Malignant Voices) [Black Metal/Death Metal]

DEAD LIKE ME – A Terre, Amas De Reves (WOOAAARGH) [Post Hardcore/Mathcore]
Listen

Dreamcatcher – Blood on the Snow (Independent) [Powerish Metal]
Listen to “Blood on the Snow”

Endless Chaos – Paths to Contentment (Independent) [Tech Death/Thrash]
Listen to “From Beyond,” “Paths to Contentment”

Enslaved – E (Nuclear Blast Records) [Prog Metal]
Listen to “Storm Son”

Exhumed – Death Revenge (Relapse Records) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Defenders of the Grave,” “Lifeless”

Firebreather – Firebreather (Suicide Records) [Sludge]
Listen to “The Ice Lord,” “Emerald Eyes”

Forsaken – Pentateuch (Mighty Music) [Doom]
Listen to “Primal Wound”

Fozzy – Judas (Century Media Records) [Butt Rock]
Listen to “Judas”

Gloam – Death Is the Beginning (Blood Harvest Records) [Black Metal]
Listen to “…Of a Carrion Kind”

Hades Archer – Temple of the Impure (Hells Headbangers) [Black/Death Metal]
Listen to “Chaos Teratosis Chimeras,” “Unus Cantus Bestiae”

Highborne – Visions of Retribution (Independent) [Atmospheric Black Metal]
Listen

The King Is Blind – We Are the Parasite, We Are the Cancer (Independent) [Death Metal]
Listen

Kroh – Pyres (Devizes Records) [Doom]
Listen to “Rigor Mortis”

Minotauro – Apocalyptic Sense (Independent) [Power Metal]

Mortum – Eheieh Chaos (Independent) [Black Metal]
Stream

Nachtblut – Apostasie (Napalm Records) [Gothic Metal]
Listen to “Amok”

Nazghor – Infernal Aphorism (Non Serviam Records) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Decretion at Eschaton,” “The Darkness of Eternity”

Nekroholocaust – Hymns of Ruthless Pestilence (Brutal Mind) [A Slammer Darkly]
Listen to “Pseudocommando”

Nephren-Ka – La grande guerre de l’épice (Dolorem Records) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Watch and Learn,” “The Great War Spice”

Odradek Room – A Man of Silt (Hypnotic Dirge Records) [Progressive Death/Doom]
Listen to “Mirror Labyrinth”

Outrage – Raging Out (Universal Music Japan) [Speed Metal]
Preview

Pathological Sadism – Cadaverously Enwormed in Putridity (Amputated Vein Records) [Adam Slambert]
Listen to “Cadaverously Enwormed in Putridity”

Power Quest – Sixth Dimension (Inner Wound Recordings) [Power Metal]
Listen to “Kings and Glory”

Prolefeed/Henry Kane – Prolefeed/Henry Kane (WOOAAARGH) [Grindcore]
Listen

Prostitution – Egyptian Blue (Independent) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Hypergiant”

Redeye Revival – Double Drop (APF Records) [Thrash]
Listen to “Sly Dogs”

Rites of Daath – Hexing Graves (Godz ov War Productions) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Bitter Entrails Of The Earth”

Samael – Hegemony (Napalm Records) [Blackish Industrial Metal]
Listen to “Angel of Wrath”

Sarke – Viige Urh (Indie Recordings) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Dagger Entombed,” “Jutul”

Savage Annihilation – Quand s’abaisse la croix du blasphème (Xenokorp) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Organe après organe”

Savage Master – Creature of the Flames (Skol/High Roller) [Heavy Metal]
Listen to “Burning Leather”

Scatology Secretion – The Ramifications of a Global Calamity (Reality Fades Records) [Brutal Death Metal]
Listen to “Obscene Parasitic Cleansing,” “Radiation-Induced Malignancy”

Scourge – Roam in Purgatory (Ghastly Music) [Slamnation]
Stream

Siberian Meat Grinder – Metal Bear Stomp (Destiny Records) [Rap Thrash]
Listen to “No Way Back”

Sicarius – Serenade of Slitting Throats (M-Theory Audio) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Serenade of Slitting Throats”

Signatura Rerum – The Legend 1 (Independent) [Symphonic Black Metal]
Listen to “Rise and Fall, Pt. 2”

Solfernus – Neoantichrist (Satanath Records) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Pray For Chaos!”

Sparzanza – Announcing the End (Desptoz Records) [Butt Metal]
Listen to “Announcing the End,” “Vindication”

Spectral Voice – Eroded Corridors of Unbeing (Dark Descent Records) [Death Metal]
Stream
Review

Through the Eyes of the Dead – Disomus (eOne Music) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Hate the Living,” “Obitual”

:Twingiant: – Blood Feud (Argonauta Records) [Sludgy Doom]
Listen to “Shadow of the South Mountain”

…Under a Full Moon – Down the Stream (Independent) [Black Metal]
Listen

Vassafor – Malediction (Debemur Morti Productions) [Black Metal]
Listen

The Walking Dead Orchestra – Resurrect (Unique Leader Records) [Death/core]
Listen to “Dogmes Anxiogenesis”

WarCall – Invaders (Independent) [Thrash]
Listen to “Riding With Zombies”

Żywiołak – Pieśni pół/nocy (Karrot Kommando) [Weird Folk Rock]
Preview

Did we forget a new release? Is there a way we could improve this list? Let us know in the comments below!

(Images VIA, VIA, VIA)

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  • Lacertilian

    Hail the return of the classic TTT intro!

    • Brutalist_Receptacle

      “It has been over a week since your last bowel movement.”
      NOT TRUE I TOOK AN OFFICE DUMP THIS MORNING
      #FakeNews
      #RealDump

  • Dubby Fresh
    • ME GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ

      POINTY STICK MAN TALKIN’ BOUT A MEGA SOOPER TAKKO BELLL DUMP

    • **turtle turtle**

      • Dubby Fresh

        where her shell at?

  • GrumpDumpus

    BLINDFOLDED AND LED TO THE WOODS SIBERIAN MEAT GRINDER AND ZYWIOLAK GOT ME LIKE WOAH

    • Spear

      Blindfolded and Led to the Woods are fucking great. I don’t know if that one’s up for streaming anywhere yet, but if you like the preview tracks, you’ll like the rest of the album.

  • Elegant Gazing Globe

    *iPhone alarm playing FOZZY goes off at 11:45 AM*

    *wakes up with ever-present cheap beer half
    hangover*

    *stretches for two seconds, does six push-ups*

    *feels pride in his proactive workout schedule*

    *admires self in mirror with Under Armour stickers in corner*

    “I LOOK FUCKIN’ SWOLL, BRO!”

    *changes out of slept-in basketball shorts*

    *puts on different pair of basketball shorts*

    *opts out of brushing teeth, bathing*

    *heads downstairs to living room with overbearing odor of feet and crotch*

    *has two Monster Energy Drinks and bag of Doritos for breakfast*

    *plays Madden NFL 25 for three hours*

    *first roommate (also wearing basketball shorts) enters living room*

    “SWEET YOU FUCKIN’ PLAYING SOME MADDEN BRO?”

    *high fives roommate in mutual appreciation of Madden franchise*

    *plays Madden with roommate for another two hours*

    *stands up, shouts “OOOOHHHHH!!!” each time he scores*

    *second roommate (wearing a different variety of basketball shorts) enters
    living room*

    “SUP BROS TIME TO RAGE ON SOME FUCKIN’ BAGS!”

    *shuffles out to overgrown, weed-strewn lawn*

    *kicks waterlogged cardboard Natty Ice box into retired neighbor’s
    yard*

    “CAN’T RAGE THE BAGS WITHOUT SOME FUCKIN’ BEERS BRO!”

    *opens cooler left outside for past four nights*

    *slams four warm cans of Bud Light*

    *blasts FOZZY on stereo*

    *retired neighbor politely asks bros to keep it down, makes good-natured
    self-deprecating joke about his age*

    *is ignored entirely, drowned out by chanted chorus of “BAD BAD
    GIRLFRIEND! HA HA FUCKIN’ SLUTS BRO!”*

    *high fives roommate in acknowledgement of sluts*

    *plays bags with roommates for two hours*

    *all throw hands in air and shout “OOOOHHHHH!!!” each time
    they score*

    “BRO I’M THINKING IT MIGHT BE TIME FOR SOME BDUBS, BRO! BDUBS!
    BDUBS! BDUBS!”

    *slams another two warm cans of Bud Light in celebration of going to BDubs*

    *goes inside, changes into formal basketball shorts and finest Aeropostale
    t-shirt*

    *completes ensemble with faux-distressed Tapout hat*

    *briefly considers wearing this instead, decides to save it for next BDubs trip or
    upcoming career fair*

    *douses self with two types of Axe Body Spray*

    “AIGHT LET’S GO FUCKIN’ RAGE SOME BDUBS AND ROLL SOME COAL, BROS!”

  • Doc Torluv

    Bitchwind. Bastardhammer.

    I hope this nomenclature format is a new trend in the vein of the now-passe ‘ the ‘.

    Idiotfinger. Slutbrush. Cuntpavement. Dickshingle.

    I like it.

    • Brutalist_Receptacle

      SATANIC ANAL GOAT RAPER OR GTFO

    • SavageMessiah

      I think you’re on to something. Asslamp. Bitchcup. Fuckshelf. Mingebarrel. Peckerphone. Whorecupboard.

  • Hubert

    I don’t know why, but I always check every single Slam band on these lists, after which I’m like: “That sure was some Slam”.

    • Spear

      I’m pretty sure I put more effort into my genre tags than half these guys do into their riffs.

  • drug_genosh

    I cant recommend the Squatty Potty (TM) enough

  • Jay Majesty

    Best release week of the year

  • Dubby Fresh

    Stoked to hear new Altarage!

  • more beer

    Two local bands on the list this week and a new Violation Wound song not to shabby.

  • Jesus, Spear.

  • Howard Dean

    TIL there is a black metal band named Prostitution. Pretty kewl. So I click on their bandcamp and see this: “We are a progressive blackened metal band from Williamsburg, Brooklyn.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ebd7079570095d9917d169e018177b29b8618f7fbc4a3574c5c7154399f16006.jpg

    • RJA

      And that album cover!

    • Count_Breznak

      I actually clicked play. Regret set in immediatly.

  • Señor Jefe El Rossover

    My ears are reserved for Enslaved this week.

  • The Tetrachord of Archytas

    First thing I thought of when I heard Flying Fortress was tony hawk soundtrack

  • These short fiction bits at the beginning of TTT are the absolute greatest. Chuckling madly in my cubicle over here.

  • TheCheezFace

    I’ll never get tired of these opening paragraphs.