This Hot Dad Has Sensually Rewritten Your Childhood

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This one goes out to everyone who’s ever woken up in the morning after a lonely and restless night, looked in the mirror, hated all of what you saw, and thought, “Fuck dude, I feel like my life might really start to turn around if all of my favorite TV show theme songs – past and present – were re-imagined as 80’s synthpop jams.”

Correct me if I’m wrong, but that’s got to be just about every single one of you. Hot Dad (a.k.a Erik Helwig / dotflist on Youtube where I discovered him at the end of a 7-hour-long marathon of semi-conscious recommended video clicking) is worthy of every Nobel Peace Prize from 2015 until the end of fucking time for what he’s done for the human race during the last year. I’m only exaggerating a little when I say that the fact that most of his masterworks have under 1,000 plays is among the greatest tragedies of our time. If there were even a single fucking crumb of justice to be found in this world, it would resemble my recurring dream of Hot Dad as beloved god king of an empire spanning and uniting the globe. He’ll serenades the masses, who wait in line for their turn to feed him grapes and fan him with palm fronds.

Hot Dad is prolific in his mission to provide the world with better theme songs for television shows. From modern hits to dated classics and everywhere in between, he replaces their intro tunes with magic. Our guy has a soft spot for synthy 80’s anthems à la Bryan Adams, but there’s plenty of variety for everyone in his 94(!) reinterpretations, which I have watched at least 3 times each – something for which I have no intention of apologizing and do not expect to regret, even when 3 has become 300 by the end of the week and my wife moves out.

_________

Danny Tanner on a real wild ride
Lookin’ for answers, lookin’ for love
Three kids, gotta raise ’em all right
So exhausted by the end of the night

He needs help if he’s gonna survive
Enter Joey and Jesse, two top notch guys

Picking up the slack, best friends for life
I know you’re gonna make it, living together in a

Full House, Full House, Full House
You won’t believe it, it’s a
Full House, Full House, Full House
So many people in this
Full House, Full House, Full House
It ain’t easy in a
Full House, Full House, Full House
_________

I particularly enjoy his mastery of the 80’s / 90’s movie training montage jam. They’re perfect for ripping off your shirt, re-purposing it as a headband, and running your newly-determined ass up and down the bleachers at an empty stadium in the middle of the night. Then your hero shows up and says something like, “Can’t sleep either, huh?” They rule butts, and are single-handedly responsible for me not killing myself during the past few weeks.

For some reason embedding is disabled on this video, click here for the full experience.
_________

You’re playing the game again 
Gotta make it to the top
Gotta be the best 
 _________

 

_________

Pokemon, it’s everything or nothing
Gotta catch ’em all
I hope you’re not afraid

Big pokeballs, fill ’em up with something
Tame a pikachu
Catch your big break

It’s gonna get tough
You just can’t get enough
If you keep on kicking ass
You’ll be a Pokemon Master
_________

Lyrically, most of it is all about knowing the hamfisted cliches of the TV intro song and then running them into the ground and beating the everliving shit out of them, but it’s equally amusing when shit goes way off the rails. Like with Doug that fucking loser.

_________

Doug, don’t feed me that bullshit about what you want
Doug, don’t fuck with your family, they’re all you’ve got
Doug, just get the girl, she’ll love you too, you’ll rock her world
Doug, just give it a shot

Ooooh, do-be-do-be doo-wop Doug
_________

_________

A bunch of twenty somethings, living in New York
They won’t leave for no reason
They work shitty jobs, do cocaine all the time
Mom and Dad would be so mad
They say funny things, fucking funny things
Witty banter is so good

It’s called Girls
_________

For some reason, Hot Dad is constantly making reference to shows being on HBO that have clearly never been on HBO. I don’t know if it’s a joke that’s going over my head or what, but I can’t figure out why I think it’s so fucking funny. For example:

G.I. Joe, HBO show, G.I. Joe, HBO show” – from “G.I. Joe – A Real American Hero
Star Trek: The Next Generation, got torpedos, and phasers, and HBO, yeah” – from “Star Trek
Wacky, Crazy, Zany, on HBO” – from “Animaniacs
Go Planet, go, go, go. Earth, fire, wind, water, heart, HBO” – from “Captain Planet

lol

The best part about this whole thing is probably that these songs are – gimmick aside – actually awesome. If my mom hadn’t stunted my ability to make friends by paying the neighbor kids to hang out with me, I’d put this playlist on repeat at a party. With people. And finger foods. And dip. This is some of the catchiest shit I’ve ever heard, and it’s like he does it without even trying. And I love him.

You can visit his Youtube channel to watch the entire 94-song collection, or throw him your pocket change at Bandcamp. Personally, I withdrew my entire 401(k) and put it in the “Name Your Price” box.

Keep your eyes peeled for the Official Toilet ov Hell Tour ov Hell featuring Hot DadMy Dick, and Satanic Necroboner.


Joe Notes:

When the Masterlord first sent me a Hot Dad video, I was stupid swamped at work and fighting a deadline with several posts on this site. So I ignored it. For almost 24 hours. That was the dumbest decision of my life.

With a moment of downtime at work, I clicked play and my world changed forever. I made noises. Noises that grown men probably should not make. My coworkers, confused and alarmed by my glee, desperately asked what was wrong with me. I was so utterly mind blown by this 94-track behemoth of an album that I couldn’t communicate without spitting. I played the album over the office speakers and all joined me in exuberant discombobulation.

Hot Dad has serious, legitimate melodic skills in addition to his twisted sense of humor (his tragic take on Home Improvement amazes me every time). I’ve been listening to his music on repeat for a week and I still cannot fathom how one man can make so many damned catchy tunes. I wish Hot Dad was my dad : (

(If you care, my favorite tunes are “Breaking Bad“, the Andrew WK-ish “Hey Arnold!“, the bizarre Libertarian rants of “Salute Your Shorts” and every other song on this breathtaking work of genius.)
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  • Not really sure what to say about this. Stay Toilet

  • Scrimm

    FUCK FULL HOUSE!!!

    • Tyreeling In The Years
      • Scrimm

        I love this.

        • Tyreeling In The Years

          No offense, but… Your face. Looks, like a cauliflower.

          • Scrimm

            I want Dirty Work 2!!!!

          • Tyreeling In The Years

            That would be great, or at least another movie by Norm.

          • Scrimm

            Agreed. That deadpan delivery never fails me.

          • VVayne Brady

            I try to deliver the moth joke as closely to him as possible. http://www.break.com/video/the-moth-joke-norm-macdonald-2519827

          • Scrimm

            HAHAHA that’s a first for me.

          • VVayne Brady

            This is one of my two go-to jokes when a room is dead. The other can honestly take hours to tell if you include all the details.

          • Scrimm

            I’d love to see people’s reaction to that.

          • Tyreeling In The Years

            Cracking up right now.

          • more beer

            Everyone does.

      • Simon “Djentcrusher” Phoenix

        Best thing ever or best thing ever?

  • Thanks for remembering me!

    >Ethan: Pidgey go!

    >Pidgey bulks!

    >Ethan: Pidgey, let’s go! Use Fly!

    >Pidgey uses Fly!

    >Ethan flew away!
    http://img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20131107141432/awesome-pokemon-fanfiction/images/d/d5/Anything-can-happen-in-pokemon-except-that-charizard-can-fly_o_454896.jpg

  • Tyreeling In The Years
  • Why is this so funny?

    “Go Planet, go, go, go. Earth, fire, wind, water, heart, HBO” – from “Captain Planet”

    Jajaja!!

    Thanks for sharing, Masterlord!

  • VVayne Brady

    Well, I’m diving back into the Hot Dad hole. This post slays. These songs slay. You’re the best, Masterman.

  • VVayne Brady

    I just wheezed at the way he sensually whispers “Zach Braff” in Scrubs.

  • “The Big Bang Theory” is oddly appropriate for the show in how dumbed down the song is. I seriously love the fuck out of Hot Dad.

  • YourLogicIsFlushed

    Oh man, the running HBO joke kills me every time. I have no idea why. Best thing since My Dick.

    • This guy gets it. Everyone else is a dumb person.

      • YourLogicIsFlushed

        “As you already know, the show’s on HBO”
        -Parks and Recreation

      • Whats with the HBO thing?

        • VVayne Brady

          It’s a joke, GL. A long and extended and unnecessary one. That’s why it’s funny.

          • I got that it is a joke. I was hoping someone would divulge the reason for hilarity. You see that song I posted? The Gentle Storm song??

          • VVayne Brady

            I think the reason it’s funny is because it doesn’t make sense.

          • That make sense. I guess. See that Gentle Storm song?

          • VVayne Brady

            I watched it. Not really my thing.

    • Enemy Of The Free World

      Non-Sequitur: You like pretentious books? Maybe you’d like to recommend something to read, because Time + Nothing to read + lazy.

      • YourLogicIsFlushed

        Hm, have you read any DeLillo? My go-to recommendation is White Noise by him because it’s not terribly long and pretty straight forward for a postmodern novel. I have so many other recommendations… I don’t know where to start.

        • Enemy Of The Free World

          I have read some DeLillo books. Just made a reservation for White Noise.

          • YourLogicIsFlushed

            Also he gets a lot of crap for his personality being sketchy, but Dave Eggers’ A Hologram for the King is pretty solid.

          • Enemy Of The Free World

            Noted and reservations made.
            Also, what crap?

          • YourLogicIsFlushed

            Actually I think I mixed him up with someone else. I was thinking of Franzen I believe. Disregard that haha.

    • Gotta appreciate the ignorance of starting every video with an HBO intro. I like the idea.

  • Maik Beninton

    I thought this post was written by Eddie and then I saw it was Masterlord

    • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

      It seems like something I would write but in fact is not. I’m doing a porcelain throne article though.

  • Scrimm
    • Jajaja, and the guy in the right still eating:

      “f*ck you, I need to finish my sandwich!”

      • Scrimm

        Yeah I really got nothing against this stuff, just thought the gif was funny.

  • Supreme Chief Poopypanties

    So far as I can remember, almost all the cartoons I watched as a kid were already synthpop/new wave songs. I forget which episode of Fringe it was where the theme song switched over to full blown dreampop, but it definitely made my jimmies giggle with girly delight.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nf1XFrI7-d0

  • Tyreeling In The Years

    Doug was the fucking shit.

    *honk* *honk*

    • Maik Beninton

      Cow and Chicken was the shit.

      • Tyreeling In The Years

        That was a little bit later on. My era was Legends of the Hidden Temple, Pete & Pete, All That, Doug, Guts, Rockos Modern Life, Clarissa Explains It All, and so on. Never watched Cow and Chicken.

        • I loved Nick cartoons.

          Rocko’s script was very weird, but in behind that tonality all the characters were very well written. And the situations were very intense.

          #nostalgiaattack

          http://i.ytimg.com/vi/_HmEGRVUcR0/hqdefault.jpg

          • Maik Beninton

            I don’t remember Rocko very well
            My era was Dexter lab, Cow and Chicken, Ed, Edd and Eddie, Spongebob, Invader Zim, Jimmy Neutron, Os Padrinhos Magicos (forgot the name in english) and later on there was The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy.

          • Dexter’s Lab and Cow and Chicken were very good too! I remember watching those old marathons of Dexter in saturdays, jajaja!

            I still can’t remember what was I thinking watching this crazyness. Those scripts were so weird.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZMjoMaFq0xk

          • Maik Beninton

            Whenever I go and see the new cartoons on TV like Adventure Time and Gumball I think they are good because they are what kids always love, stupid, weird and funny.

            http://assets.naointendo.com.br/uploads/post-assets/2281/Banana.gif

          • I don’t know, I have mixed feelings on those shows. Their initial ideas were good, but they were shredded very fast by big media coverage and internet fandoms.

            Adventure Time was very random, but in the last chapters I’ve saw they wanted to expand their inner universe and concept just to have fandom, it was too forced for me. And Regular Show was the same, trying to add romantic features just to make comments in social media.

            I think that was a charming experience in old cartoons. It was just a kid niche.

          • Maik Beninton

            Well I don’t pay much attention to the story and just watched a few episodes.
            One thing I don’t like is the new Tom and Jerry and new Looney Tunes. They kinda have the same problems as A Regular Show and I just can’t get over the new drawing style on Looney Tunes.

          • that blocky animation of Daffy Duck makes me want to punch the TV very hard!

          • Maik Beninton

            Yeah, but Duck Dodgers was awesome.

        • Hey, Arnold!, Sabrina the Teenager Witch, Pepper-Ann. I watched only Nick and Cartoon Network in that time 😛 happy times

          • Maik Beninton

            Those were the shows.
            While on open TV there was old Tom and Jerry, Bug Bunny and Chavo.

          • Jajajaja, El Chavo del 8?

          • Maik Beninton

            Yes.
            I love El Chapulín Colorado.

          • I liked more El Chapulín than El Chavo. But both shows were and are still huge in a lot of countries. It’s insane!

        • Lacertilian

          No Ren & Stimpy?

          • Tyreeling In The Years

            Good point.

          • Lacertilian

            Happy-happy joy-joy

  • Pagliacci is Kvlt O)))
    • I fucking cried during this scene.

    • VVayne Brady

      The sensuality is important.

    • Supreme Chief Poopypanties

      Awesome song, but the video looks like a really old Playstation game.

  • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    fuck hbo/media—–racist douchebag,population control—dickheads/shiteaters

    hbo/bill maher did 911
    fuck those motherfuckers!!
    911 truth saves the earth from cable tv-totalitarian population manipulation attempt
    american constitution>hbo
    (all 3 at once–full vol)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=onRN8Q3jn40

    http://youtu.be/nH0Et56Hxt4

    http://youtu.be/E02tCUjPUTo

    • Do you try to stay away as much possible from media, zzzzz?

      Let me be honest in a thing, given the current situation of my country, I’ve felt a little better with myself trying to stay away from all news media, because most of them are controlled by the goverment or right-wing parties.

      I’ve never isolated from all of that, given my profession and job. But, I just try to not be so ‘infoxicated’ by it.

      • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

        fuck those motherfuckers!!

      • God ov All

        Nah it’s the illerminerti

        • jajaja, what does that mean? sounds funny

          • God ov All

            Illerminerti is a meme. But it’s an actual playoff of a conspiracy theory shadow group called the illuminati. People like zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz think they run everything in the world and are set on total domination.

          • I think I understand now! Thanks!

          • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

            fuck you–god—
            “illuminati”–is a psyop word that empowers rockefeller media–as mysterious ancient “wizards”—when actually theyre fat shiteaters like bill clinton—

          • God ov All

            Whoa whoa man I’m on your side. Fuck all those polititions and fight the power amirite?

          • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

            yeah…i was thinking you was one of the cool ones—

            things have been changing(on my end) towards getting to the core of this 911 stuff–
            it;s nice to have friends

      • Whoever watches the news must really enjoy being lied to because there is very little truth in anything that is reported. Great book to read – “You Are Still Being Lied To” which pokes holes in many news stories and exposes outright lies in reporting. Since then I draw my own conclusions on everything.

        • It’s a good exercise. I have to do it everytime because the media here is too much biased or just make auto-censorship because they don’t want to mess with the gov.

          I had to read a lot of guides about media theory in my college years, so I’ve learnt a lot. That’s why I’m trying to shut down to see how’s like.

        • Tyreeling In The Years

          That why I don’t pay attention to the news.

  • Simon “Djentcrusher” Phoenix

    Please tell me this guy did a cover of the Guts theme song.

    • Damn. Hopefully the next volume.

    • Tyreeling In The Years

      The Crag!!!!

  • Enemy Of The Free World

    Yeah. Sorry. No.

  • OMG, THIS VINE RULZ. Everytime I see it makes me smile: https://vine.co/v/h6aItwlUxi1

  • Tyreeling In The Years
  • This is fucking glorious.

  • Guacamole Jim
  • Stockhausen

    DON’T YOU BAD MOUTH DOUG, MASTERPANTS.

    • Tyreeling In The Years

      *honk* *honk*

  • Edward/Breegrodamus

    I just walked in from work and hit play on the Girls song, I’ve been converted to Hot Dad.

  • Lacertilian

    Much better than Hey Dad!.

  • I love cooky 80’s music. this rules!