The Worst Metal Song of All Time Is…

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We’ve tallied the results after four rounds of brutal competition. Find out who takes the title for WORST METAL SONG OF ALL TIME.


When we last left our most disgusting competition, Design the Skyline and Five Finger Death Punch met for a final showdown after handily dispatching their putrid rivals. So who took home the (in)glory? Let’s look at the results!

By a commanding lead of 49 votes your victor is Five Finger Death Punch for “Under and Over It”! If you’ve never encountered this abomination of a tuff guy anthem, consider yourself lucky! At over 28 MILLION views on YouTube, this track is pervasive like a particularly ugly strain of Hepatitis. I was one of the fortunate few that had somehow never encountered “Under and Over It” before our ugly battle forced me to listen to it and now I am unable to get the verses out of my head. “DID U HEAR THE ONE ABOUT ME BEIN’ A CUCK” will be forever ringing between my earlobes. I hate you all for this.

Five Finger Death Punch, the band most loved among BDubs Bro‘s music collection, truly deserves the dishonor of WORST METAL SONG OF ALL TIME. Just watch as vocalist Ivan Moody tuffguyily assaults the director of his video in the first few seconds of the video before migrating to his band’s natural habitat, a strip club filled with Monster drinkin’ tribal tattooed bros.

We don’t give Five Finger Death Punch much coverage ’round these parts, which is a shame. I personally love watching videos of soldiers confronting and shaming posers that for some reason decide to cover themselves in vestiges of military service for the purpose of stealing valor. And buddy, NO ONE steals valor quite like Five Finger Death Punch. These dudes love draping themselves in camo and posing in the desert despite the fact that not a single member of this band has ever served a minute in the military. Keep on griftin’ those defense department dollars, fellas.

If you’ve ever had food poisoning from eating at Hooters, Fiver Finger Death Punch was there. If you’ve ever been a belligerent drunk threatening to fight someone in a parking lot at 2 AM, Five Finger Death Punch was there. If you’ve ever earnestly exclaimed that taxation is theft and that poor people just need to pull themselves up by the bootstraps, you’d better believe that Five Finger Death Punch was there calmly guiding your greasy carcass to help you be the worst person you could possibly be. Five Finger Death Punch deserve this title. Congratulations to them and may they all burn in hell.

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  • Lacertilian
    • GL

      -Abraham Lincoln

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Took me a second to realize this had been ‘shopped, it looks so natural

      • Joaquin Stick

        Oddly, LacerT found one of the few pictures where he isn’t holding truck nuts and decided to add them.

        • CyberneticOrganism

          That dude’s face just screams “nuts”

      • NDG

        It has now become the band pic it was always meant to be.

  • Rain Poncho W.

    I don’t think I’ve eaten at Hooters in almost a decade. I did get food poisoning from Rudy’s once, though. Can I still blame that on FFDP?

    • Vault Dweller

      Absolutely. I got food poisoning at a QDoba once about a decade ago, I choose to blame them for that as well- because if anyone was eating latin food at a Qdoba, it was white trash like FFDP and me.

      What is a Rudy’s?

      • Rain Poncho W.

        Mid-tier barbecue chain.

        • Stockhausen

          Also gas station, don’t leave that out.

          • Rain Poncho W.

            Yes, mid-tier barbecue chain and expensive gas station.

        • Señor Jefe El Rossover

          Mid-tier? Rudys is the lowest of the low! Boiled bbq can rot.

          • Sid Vicious Promos

            Have you ever tried Dickie’s? They’re the only good fast food BBQ. There was one in my area but it closed sadly.

          • Señor Jefe El Rossover

            It closed? Good.

          • Sid Vicious Promos

            You don’t like Dickies?

          • GL

            Who doesn’t love wearing pants? Silly question.

          • Sid Vicious Promos

            I’m talking about the BBQ chain Dickies.

          • GL

            Anything with BBQ on it stinks. FIGHT ME!

          • Sid Vicious Promos

            GL plz! BBQ is so good! My dad makes the best pulled pork! You’re not going to tell me you hate ranch as well are you?

          • GL

            BBQ is a perfectly good way to mask the taste of anything that might have been over wise considered eatable. Right up until you put FUCKING BBQ ON IT.

            OMG IT IS ALL OVER. WHY IS THIS SHIT IN MY HAIR. FUCK

          • Sid Vicious Promos

            You’re making me cry you mean man. BBQ is the only thing better than ranch. I put ranch on whatever I can.

          • Señor Jefe El Rossover

            READY YOUR SWORD

          • GL

            *READIES KEYBOARD*

          • Señor Jefe El Rossover

            (are you talking about bbq in general? Or bbq sauce in particular?)

          • Sid Vicious Promos

            I think he’s talking about the sauce.

          • GL

            I am not sure I know how to differentiate between both those things you listed.

            /FROM OHIO

          • Señor Jefe El Rossover

            BBQ = the art of smoking meats to delicious perfection

            bbq sauce = what people use to cover the fact that they can’t bbq worth a damn

          • GL

            GL DOESN’T KNOW WHAT REAL BBQ IS! SAD!

            -Denial Trump

          • Señor Jefe El Rossover

            Upvoted

          • Elizabeth Short

            This is what I currently do for a living and I promise you it’s a very time-intensive process to do it well. Sauce is also a very specific art, but it’s supposed to be an accompaniment, not the central point of the barbecue. The meat is supposed to speak for itself. And I now agree with someone that actively loves Manowar, so I need to go rethink my life. Sigh…

            Kidding…Ross, you’re the tits. Almost as nice as that Dereck (Godless Angel) guy that used to kick around MS. I’m sure he’s probably been eaten by wolves because he, out of the good of his heart, tried to feed them waffles for breakfast and it just went really south.

          • Señor Jefe El Rossover

            Hahaha, thank you for that compliment. It truly means a lot to me!

            Regarding the sauce, I totally agree with you. Crafting a well balanced sauce to compliment your bbq is most assuredly an art. I was just being brash for GL 😉

          • Elizabeth Short

            All good, gangstar. I was going to needle you a bit about regional varietals and then thought to myself, “Self, shut the fuck up and stop being such a goddamn nerd”.

            However, when it does come down to sauces I’ve been trying to incorporate as many regional brews and and whiskeys where it makes sense.

          • Señor Jefe El Rossover

            Don’t stop being a nerd on my account! I know good and well about the regional differences, hahaha

            That is outstanding! Local beer is a great way to gauge a region’s taste.

          • I would totally try to serve wolves a waffle breakfast! How awesome would that be?! The closest I’ve come is giving my chips and bread crumbs to wild ducks and geese at the lake on fishing trips, but letting go of my Eggos to a pack of wolves is definitely on my bucket list. 🙂

          • ME GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ

            /GO BUCKEYES!!!

          • Óðinn
          • Óðinn

            They don’t wear pants at the BBQ chain Dickies? Maybe that’s why they are closed now.

          • Señor Jefe El Rossover

            *Ahem* HELL NO

          • Sid Vicious Promos

            I wouldn’t have known.

          • Señor Jefe El Rossover

            It’s okay.

          • Sid Vicious Promos

            I loved their food.

          • Señor Jefe El Rossover

            Ugh.

          • Sid Vicious Promos

            It wasn’t as good as my dad’s BBQ but it was good. My dad makes great BBQ.

          • ME GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ

            POSERS OV BBQ????

          • Señor Jefe El Rossover

            THAT THEY ARE

          • Rain Poncho W.

            “Chain.” We both know the good stuff is mom and pop shops.

          • Señor Jefe El Rossover

            And backyards 🙂

          • Dumpster Lung

            I’ve never had Rudy’s or Dickie’s, but I like your conviction nonetheless.

            I like Whitt’s pretty well. That’s a chain around here. Not sure how far they spread or where they originate from, though.

          • Señor Jefe El Rossover

            Never heard of them, myself.

          • Dumpster Lung

            Just noticed the name change, btw. Nice!

          • Lord of Bork

            My boss can’t get enough Rudy’s. I, in turn, can’t think of a polite way to tell this middle aged dude from NC that he has horrible taste in bbq

          • Señor Jefe El Rossover

            “HEY JACK ASS, YOUR TASTE SUCKS”
            try that

          • Lord of Bork

            We need to get you some sort of advice column, because that’s GOLD JERRY, GOLD!

          • Señor Jefe El Rossover

            I would be open to that idea, hahahaha

      • Depechemodeisgangsta

        Holy Shit, i have to google “Qdoba” I live in Miami and i’m hispanic, and i have never heard of this restaurant chain, i had to search to see if it there was one here, and they did have one but now is closed, they must be really bad.

        • Vault Dweller

          I was in Jacksonville, where there are far more Bible Gringos and far fewer Hispanic people, which meant that in some areas of town the Latin food options were Taco Bell, Qdoba and Chipotle… and I don’t know that there were many Chipotles at that time (2005? 2006? Somewhere around then.)

          I was desperate and I paid the price.

          There’s a Qdoba at the mall where I live now and I refuse to go on general principle.

    • GL

      You sure get food poisoning a lot!

      • Rain Poncho W.

        That was one of two times.

        • GL

          Oh… I see.. well… You sure talk a lot about the two times you had food poisoning! lol

        • Hubert

          That’s two times more than me so I guess a grass diet is the healthiest thing ever.

        • Howard Dean

          I’ve had food poisoning twice, both times from fish. The first time was mackerel sushi and the other times was from mussels. Good stuff.

          • Elizabeth Short

            Being a chef, and obnoxiously pronouncing it phonetically because it makes things worse (not actually true), I have legitimately had food poisoning over a dozen times–mostly just because I’m an idiot and I will just keep trying food regardless of whether it seems reasonable or not, but from a professional standpoint, if you get bad mussels never go back there, that can kill you. The other…yeah. Just hit up some better sushi houses, mang. Proper sushi=fantastic. No so good sushi=very, very bad times.

          • Howard Dean

            Yeah, that’s the only time I’ve ever had a bad experience with sushi. Mackerel is so naturally oily and heavy that for me it’s more difficult to tell if something is awry. I tend to stick with tuna, salmon, red snapper, and yellowtail now.

            I remember the food poisoning from mussels being really intense, which kind of makes sense now knowing that bad mussels can kill you, haha.

    • more beer

      The Rudy’s on Carlisle in Albuquerque used to be one of my window washing accounts. I ate there probably a couple of hundred times. Without ever getting food poisoning.

    • Dumpster Lung

      I had food poisoning yesterday, actually. Pretty sure FFDP wasn’t involved in this one though. It was from broccoli I’d just bought from the store. FFDP sure are some bastards, but I don’t think I could rightly accuse them for this particular crime.

  • SupremeKrieg

    Fvckin false fvcks pretending to know about war. These untrue bastards are fvcking posers. Burn the false.

    • Elizabeth Short

      I’m on my boring cellphone and do not have the patience to figure out how, but please somebody put some Bolt Thrower up hrrrr.

  • What do they win? A Dookie filled port-a-jon dumped on their heads I propose. Let the punishment fit the crime.

  • slipjackthewanderer

    Ugh. Listen to Seputus if you want to hear what metal sounds like written by someone who has actually served their country.

  • I’m just gonna listen to Power Trip and forget this whole thing happened…..

    • GL
        • GL

          This is why we are frands.

          Also, the outro is top notch.

      • CyberneticOrganism

        Wow

        • GL

          Quite!

      • Señor Jefe El Rossover

        My favorite is Firing Squad.

      • Dumpster Lung

        I can’t say with 100% certainty which track is my favorite, but I’m leaning toward Waiting Around to Die. Then again, it’s basically whichever track I’ve most recently heard, because each time I think “oh no, THIS one must be my favorite.”

        I think my favorite album is still Manifest Decimation, but I love them both dearly.

    • tigeraid

      That is a fine idea.

    • RJA

      I haven’t listened to it yet! Going to rectify that today. It isn’t exactly in my wheelhouse but with all the praise it has to be pretty decent no?

    • Don’t even listen to the record. Just listen to the podcast episode with Power Trip over and over and over and over and over and over

      • GL

        For the record, I listened to it twice!

      • Óðinn

        I’ve listened to it. I actually plan to listen to it again. It was really good.

  • Simon PhoenixKing Rising

    Ugh. Fuck that song and FFDP forever.

    As for me, I’ll stick with Master Fury. Badass military themed thrash fronted by a dude who ACTUALLY served. No stolen valor here, folks.

    https://youtu.be/xwApeCWAf9I

    • SupremeKrieg

      Fvckin warrior

    • Señor Jefe El Rossover

      Definitely gonna check these dudes out.

  • CyberneticOrganism
  • tigeraid

    In a way I sort of wish ONE person here listened to FFDP in a completely unironic way, so we could enjoy him trying to defend their childish bro-dude trash.

    • RepostedAvengedSevenfoldFan2

      Five Finger Death Punch is my son favorte band and he six he knows what good music is

      -april nichols, 5 months ago

      • tigeraid

        Well. Yes. Except you.

    • Vicki Romanello

      FFDP is my favorite band. It disgusts me how everyone passes judgement. I love their music. THE Bleeding. Jekyll and Hyde Never enough so many other that hit me to the core.

      • tigeraid

        I appreciate your (misguided) bravery.

  • RepostedAvengedSevenfoldFan2

    I was on top of my friend when my cousin turned this song on

    -TaraRainbows, 3 years ago

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Just the kind of trailer trash threesome FFDP was meant to accompany

  • IronLawnmower

    Bûguli are better than this band

  • Hubert

    This is the kind of flush ToH was born for. Amen.

  • Stockhausen

    DIDJA HEAR THE ONE ABOUT ME HAVING ANY REDEEMING QUALITIES WHATSOEVER

    YEAH ME NEITHER

    *VAPES AGGRESSIVELY*

    • PostBlackenedWhaleGaze

      Lmao, “vapes aggressively”

  • Sid Vicious Promos

    You know what Ivan’s “prize” for winning should be? He should have to walk around with a sign saying “I was the lead vocalist for Motograter.” That’s a terrible punishment and this is coming from a fan of theirs.

  • Depechemodeisgangsta

    Come on, everyone knew that they were going to win, they need to be “Retired” from next tournament, give them like a lifetime award for it, or name the bracket after them.

    • Jack Rabbit

      They’re like the Patriots of shitty bands

      • Depechemodeisgangsta

        They just keep on Winning, no matter what.

  • Howard Dean
    • Dumpster Lung

      You win. No more pic embeds, please. This is it.

  • Doom Scientist

    YES!

  • Dental_Damnation

    This whole competition……..it was all so bad

    https://goo.gl/images/1c0zHT

  • Óðinn

    Well, that song is truly awful.

  • Waynecro

    This outcome is hardly surprising, though I suspect the band’s douchey image was the largest contributor to this song’s winning the title of Worst Metal Song of All Time.

  • Eliza

    FFDP definitely deserves the title, but it should have battled against Steel Panther for it.

  • Its Cool

    Actually last time I checked Ivan Moody served. I think he was actually in he service.

  • Michele Greenawalt

    I think Moody did serve in the marines?! I still think they have potential & my favorite bad is TOOL!

  • Carter

    Zoltan Bathory had some strong ties to the military though. He is a martial artist and is one of the few civilians certified by the Pentagon and US Army as an L1 Modern Army Combatives Instructor -Close Conbat. He had also raised a lot of money for PTSD and is a chairman for the Home Deployment Project in Las Vegas. They help vets with PTSD, TBI, and homelessness