We’ve tallied the results after four rounds of brutal competition. Find out who takes the title for WORST METAL SONG OF ALL TIME.
When we last left our most disgusting competition, Design the Skyline and Five Finger Death Punch met for a final showdown after handily dispatching their putrid rivals. So who took home the (in)glory? Let’s look at the results!
By a commanding lead of 49 votes your victor is Five Finger Death Punch for “Under and Over It”! If you’ve never encountered this abomination of a tuff guy anthem, consider yourself lucky! At over 28 MILLION views on YouTube, this track is pervasive like a particularly ugly strain of Hepatitis. I was one of the fortunate few that had somehow never encountered “Under and Over It” before our ugly battle forced me to listen to it and now I am unable to get the verses out of my head. “DID U HEAR THE ONE ABOUT ME BEIN’ A CUCK” will be forever ringing between my earlobes. I hate you all for this.
Five Finger Death Punch, the band most loved among BDubs Bro‘s music collection, truly deserves the dishonor of WORST METAL SONG OF ALL TIME. Just watch as vocalist Ivan Moody tuffguyily assaults the director of his video in the first few seconds of the video before migrating to his band’s natural habitat, a strip club filled with Monster drinkin’ tribal tattooed bros.
We don’t give Five Finger Death Punch much coverage ’round these parts, which is a shame. I personally love watching videos of soldiers confronting and shaming posers that for some reason decide to cover themselves in vestiges of military service for the purpose of stealing valor. And buddy, NO ONE steals valor quite like Five Finger Death Punch. These dudes love draping themselves in camo and posing in the desert despite the fact that not a single member of this band has ever served a minute in the military. Keep on griftin’ those defense department dollars, fellas.
If you’ve ever had food poisoning from eating at Hooters, Fiver Finger Death Punch was there. If you’ve ever been a belligerent drunk threatening to fight someone in a parking lot at 2 AM, Five Finger Death Punch was there. If you’ve ever earnestly exclaimed that taxation is theft and that poor people just need to pull themselves up by the bootstraps, you’d better believe that Five Finger Death Punch was there calmly guiding your greasy carcass to help you be the worst person you could possibly be. Five Finger Death Punch deserve this title. Congratulations to them and may they all burn in hell.