The Road to the Pooper Bowl – Week 6: Live Blog 2: Headline Boogaloo

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It’s Sunday. Shamble over to the couch, order a pizza and let’s watch some football.

Here’s the schedule for today. Be sure to let me know what you’re watching in the comments.

12:00 CST: 

Patriots at Bills

Ravens at Bucs

Steelers at Brows

Panthers at Bengals

Broncos at Jets

Lions at Vikings

Packers at Dolphins

Jags at Titans

3:05 CST:

Chargers at Raiders

Bears at Falcons

Cowboys at Seahawks

Washington at Cardinals

7:30 CST:

Giants at Eagles

 

Best Game of the Week:

There are several sweet match ups this week but I’m willing to bet tonight’s edition of Sunday Night Football will be the most entertaining game of the week. Both teams are well above average but not nearly good enough to be consistent. I’m expecting a sloppy shit show that results in a sad Manningface. Be sure to come back this evening to comment on the game in real time as I live blog it from the bar at the Chili’s down the street (srs).

Worst Game of the Week:

Chargers at Raiders. I’m not sure that the Raiders even qualify as a professional football team anymore. There’s one thing (and ONLY one thing) the NFL should steal from soccer: demotions for poor play. If the NFL operated like La Liga, Oakland would be community college JV team by now.

Baseless Predictions of the Week:

Rex Ryan will inexplicably remain Jets head coach after they are destroyed by  San Diego Denver. Seriously, how is he still employed.

Rob Ryan will have visible nacho gumbo stains on his sweatshirt.

Worst Person on the Field:

Let’s take a brief moment to discuss college football, the NFL’s minor league. Heisman-award winner and accused rapist Jameis Winston lead Florida State to a victory yesterday. This is likely the last good thing to happen to Jameis for a long while. Late Friday afternoon (the time when damning news tries to drop quietly) unveiled some unsurprising but seriously fucked up news.

In 2013 Winston was cleared in his pending sexual assault investigation but it appears the Tallahassee PD and FSU organization worked together to suppress evidence and intimidate witnesses. And not just in this case. Players misconduct had been suppressed for years. There’s a shit storm coming. I hope it leads to justice.

Uninformed Picks from a Bad Gambler:

Last week I told you to take Carolina at -2.5, the Falcons at +4.5, and the Browns over Tennessee at even odds. If you don’t count the Falcons, I was totally right! My record on the year is 9-6.

This week I would put a fuckton of money on the Chargers at -7 1/2 over the Raiders. I would place more moderate bets with the Eagles at -3 and Seahawks at -9.


I’ll be with you making fun of football all day. Let’s get at it.

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  • Mr.CustodialArts

    The first SOLO OF THE WEEK POLL was clearly a great success. Let’s celebrate with some ice cream.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0eZa7WbRCD8

    • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

      Three days since I first saw this original version. Highly entertaining.

      • The Satan Ov Hell

        the greatest line in cinema

    • Pagliacci is Kvlt

      Solo of the Week was totally awesome. I think for next week we should do Tremolo of the Week. I know this song by Myrkur that just might win.

    • Jointsalot

      I didn’t get around to submitting a solo but it would be awesome if we could do it again sometime.

  • W.

    This should be a good fantasy week for me. The Broncos are going to crush, Cards should do well, and I suspect the Bills will choke

    • The patriots are going to go at the bills hard but i think it’ll be a close game.

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan

      It’s going to be a good week for me as well.

  • W.

    Also, my beloved Red Raiders get my whiff of the week. How do you blow a 14 point lead with 5 minutes left in the game? At home, no less!

  • If I’m not mistaken Winston was never charged only investigated for rape. If new evidence becomes available they prosecutors could reopen the case.

    Also, Adrian Peterson continues to amaze me with his stupidity. A condition of his bail was not do use drugs and he admits while to the sample collecter that he ” smoked a little weed”

    • You are correct. Fixed in the post. That’s why it is still possible for him to be charged til 2017.

      AP really needs to just shut the hell up for a little while. His management must be losing it right now.

  • Bözlinger

    This week is scary!

    • Did you remember to set a lineup?

      • Bözlinger

        yeah, but not enough…boo

        • Bözlinger

          when is our match up? murder, lol

  • Janitor Jim Dvggan

    I can’t wait until my win happens for the league. I need to stay in first.

  • Xan

    I’ve never been a fan of any of the sportsballs so I shall leave you all with an hour of Lovecraftian music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YQW84S39lY

  • Gurp

    That Winston case… Sure, FSU administrators would try to cover up, but the city police department? Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmnnnn.

    • Everything about it is gross. Fuck FSU, fuck the Tallahassee PD, and while we’re at it fuck Florida.

  • FeelTheDarkness

    Steelers will win

    • It’s going to be really, really close.

      • FeelTheDarkness

        It will be for sure. Ben is 18-1 against the Clowns in his career.

    • FeelTheDarkness

      Ok. Maybe not

  • Elite Extremophile

    I’ve started rooting for the bills solely because Every Time I Die has a 15% sale on merch every time the bills win. I also like the raiders but in a sad kind of way, like how I like my friend’s three legged pug.

  • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

    If it’s a good game yer waiting fer, then thou might as well Pump Up The Jam
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9EcjWd-O4jI

  • Oblongball pilesport!

    • I guess that could also be rugby.

    • JWG

      Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

  • The early schedule is a little weak so I guess I’m going with Green Bay/Miami.

  • Miami just blocked a Green Bay punt and recovered. It looked really cool. Someone pay the NFL a few million dollars for me so I can post video.

  • Tampa Bay is being destroyed. Nothing good is allowed to happen in Florida.

  • JWG

    I might watch the Seahawks game for a bit, but I have family coming over for the afternoon (Thanksgiving dinner a day early) so I’m going to at least have to get dressed and stop lazing about before noon. I can do that in 30 minutes though, no sweat.

    In CFL news, the Lions finally won a game yesterday. Unfortunately it was against Ottawa’s brand-new terribly-named “Red Blacks”, so it’s not like anything other than a win was predictable. It was quite a blow-out (3-41), though.

  • Beunhaas

    GIGER!

    And this will me my last post for the coming week, seeing as I’m going to the imaginary land of Luxembourg.

    • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

      Giger was one fucked up genius.

      • Beunhaas

        That he was. People always say that he was a very nice and humble person.

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan

      Have fun in the imaginary land of Luxembourg. I heard the only reason they were invented is so that Switzerland can’t claim to have the best chocolate. Apparently Luxembourg has the best chocolate on earth, so I recommend trying it. Also, how are you going to get there since it’s imaginary?

      • Beunhaas

        I’ll use the power of my IMAGINATION.

        • Janitor Jim Dvggan

          I thought you had to get there through a wardrobe or some other manner. Can you walk through your closet and end up there?

    • Death

      We don’t like you real people around the imaginary lands. Go back to where you came!

      • Janitor Jim Dvggan

        Luxembourg is fake though.

  • Stockhausen

    Let’s go Everton! Don’t get relegated!

  • Janitor Jim Dvggan

    I have no clue how the Raiders can remain a team and it amazes me how they have a giant fanbase. I’m a Jaguars fan and even the Jags don’t have that big of a fanbase. I’m currently ashamed of the Jags and their 0-5 season. I think they’re going all the way to 0-16. That makes me sad.

    • The jags were went 0-8 last year before getting a win and finished 4-12 so I wouldn’t panic about an 0-16 season yet. They get another game against the Titans and two vs the Texans.

      As for Oakland I remember a time when they were good. Their problem is they go throught coaches and they make horrible personnel decisions in the draft and free agency

      • Janitor Jim Dvggan

        I love the Jags and I hope they can at least do well.

  • This is my early pick for highlight of the week :
    http://twitpic.com/ecoqi4

  • This Cowboys game gon’ be rough. I think I’ll need a sandwich to get through it.

  • Holy shit. Green Bay just took it with 3 seconds left. Aaron Rodgers is gonna get the key to the city of Green Bay if he doesn’t already have a pile of them.

    • I would argue rodgers is better than manning.

  • Has a last-second pitch back play ever worked? Like, ever?

    • not even in madden

      edit: I saw it in a college game, but not nfl.

  • HOLY SHIT. Romo is destroyed by a Goldburg-like spear. Seahawks block the punt, immediately run it in for a TD. Shit is wild, y’all.

    • The seahawks are to the NFL as the Spurs are the NBA… A fucking terrifying machine.

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan

      Did the person who spear Romo give him a Goldberg style jackhammer to go with that? If you don’t know what that is here’s a video.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D6nTgi15PD8

    • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

      Patience Joe… patience… we have yet to witness the coming glory… patience…

      • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

        …aaaaannndd touchdown. Boom.

    • Virgil the Ghost Poet

      Just found out that Promo has a sprained ankle and sore ribs.

  • Jesus christ, Cutler just got nailed and whacked his head. I wont be surprised if that’s a concussion.

    • He takes more of a beating than any other QB I can think of.

      • Yea he is crazy tough. Just glad our O-line isn’t as bad as it was the last few years.

  • Are you shitting me? Bengals/Panthers ends in a tie. THIS IS AMERICA, NOT SOCCER. I NEED A CLEAR WINNER AND A CLEAR LOSER.

  • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

    Just wanted to point out that the Cowboys kept the Seahawks from getting a single 1st down for the entire 2nd quarter. And are ahead at the half 17-10. Boom.

  • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

    -_- wtf… seriously…?

  • Janitor Jim Dvggan

    When it comes to hated teams I hate the Saints more than any team in football. I hate them as much as I hate the song below. Pink Floyd, hair metal, funk and whatever you can call that section with Roger pseudo-rapping should never be combined as shown by this song. This is why this is the Saints’ theme in my opinion: It tries to much to be too many things and fails at all but one of them. I also hate the Saints for pushing the Vikings out of the playoffs in 2009 while my hero Brett Favre was on the Vikings. What is all of your least favorite teams?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TkNOky3orsM

  • Is there a more unlikable person in all of terrible fast food than the Papa John douche?

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan

      No. I don’t really insult that chain though because a family friend owns a ton of them down in DC. He has said that Papa John is a douche though.

    • Virgil the Ghost Poet

      The Ronald McDonald Clown (people are trying to kick him out of schools), and the people who make those Hardee’s/Carl’s Jr. commercials.

    • I’ve heard many a story about him having to be carried out of sporting events in a drunken rage. Dude is just a shitty person.

  • Dan Bailey: Most accurate kicker in the history of the NFL. Dan Bailey: MVP. Dan Bailey: Good dancer. Dan Bailey: Humanitarian.

    • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

      DBFTW

    • Elite Extremophile

      #DanBaileyFacts

  • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

    This quarter is gonna kill me…

  • I’m not quite sure what the hell is going on with the Chargers but it looks like it’s going to be an expensive error.

  • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

    *flush the Seahawks*

  • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

    Uh oh… Cowboys might just win this thing…

    • I’ve seen them fuck up a good thing many, many times. Gotta wait and see.

      /Flushes the Chargers D down the filthiest, most disgusting toilet ov hell.

      • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

        BWA Ha haha!! Annnd Cowboys win!!

        • Virgil the Ghost Poet

          Yes!

  • Gurp

    Steelers=dstroid

  • The Cowboys are 5-1. I’m not sure what to do with this information. It is confusing.

    • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

      Just go with it bro. Just go with it…

    • Virgil the Ghost Poet

      ESPN is saying that The Boys are the best team in football. I’m like slow down, we lose one more linebacker or cb and we are toast. Let alone one more hit on Romo and Murray. Anyway its awesom.

  • W.

    Hey @kevinnashandfriends:disqus, you may be in first place, but this Sunday, The Peter Steelers >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    DONG TOO STRONG!

  • I made some really bad picks today and my fantasy teams are all hopeless. How is your day going?

  • THEREALCONAN 6000 + COMMENTS

    ……..

  • KJM

    (rattles cage) WAKE UP YOU HUNGOVER NERDS!!

    • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

      No!

    • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

      I’m awake now. Now what.

      • KJM

        Do stuff that involves listening to Metal.

        • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

          Affirmative, Cap’n

          • KJM

            Make it so.