The Road to the Pooper Bowl: Pooper Bowl Open Swim

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Oh haaaay. Today is the Super Bowl. I probably can’t use those words due to NFL restrictions so I hope any league lawyers reading this keep this in mind: I have no money, eat my butt. If you’re one of those BDubs bros that enjoys watching sportz, this is your open thread to discuss the game. I will be here with you drinking cheap domestic beer and leaving silly comments.

Today we’re gonna watch the most hated team in the NFL take on the team that will become the most hated team in the NFL next season should they win tonight. Katy Perry is your halftime performer. There are no winners here. I’m rooting for the asteroid.

The game starts at 5:30 PM CST today. Let’s do this.

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  • pooper bowl! black ‘n’ roll!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhqU_RwCcEY

    • Spear

      Spermafrost. Fucking brilliant

  • Max

    Football.

    • Ellipsis

      GO SPORTS!!!

      • Max

        BRONZE. BRONZE FOR AUSTRALIA. BUGGER THE TESTS. BUGGER THE INSTITUTE. MY SON’S GONNA COME THIRD FOR AUSTRALIA.

      • Tyree

        SPORTS GO SPORTS!!!

  • Mother Shabubu III

    People always complain about ads before online videos, yet they get excited for commercials during the superbowl. I’ll never understand.

    • JWG

      Also: dealing with ads before videos of super bowl ads, a.k.a. adception.

      • Mother Shabubu III

        It’s so frustrating to comprehend the incomprehensible nature of human idiocy. A nation of lunkheads.

  • BLXKKBEXRD

    Yeahhhhhhh, I really dont give a shit. But my old lady does. So I will probably play Dark Souls while she watches it. And cooking burritos. And just, generally, being a baller.

    • your old lady watches but you don’t? what kinda bizzaro world shit is that bro

      • BLXKKBEXRD

        3.14kvlt666u

    • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

      Hey did you hear that archeologists have recovered some interesting items from your old flagship Queen Anne’s Revenge, the ship you & your crew were forced to abandon when it aground off the North Carolina coast in 1718? It appears you forgot a few belongings in your haste to abandon ship. Remember this item? Hint – you shoved it into your urethra to relieve the horrifically painful symptoms of syphilis. Life as a pirate doesn’t seem quite as fun and adventurous as it looks in movies & television. Ouch dude…

      • BLXKKBEXRD

        When we were forced to abandon our ship off the beautiful Outer Banks of the greatest state of North Carolina, Edward Teach reluctantly left some of his personal belongings behind. Pyratelyfe is hard, but rewarding in its own sadistic way. I’ve laid more wenches than there are waves in the seas, they may not all be crystal clear like a shallow carribean seabed.

        • Max

          I’m given to understand you mightn’t have had that many wenches after all. Many of the pirates were gay.

          There’s a book titled “Sodomy and the Pirate Tradition” which I once read a review of. In England at the time, the only men who ever got married were aristocrats who could afford it. Most pirates started their careers as impoverished adolescent highwaymen (ie: no wife or girlfriend) who got press-ganged into the Royal Navy and then deserted to become pirates. Homosexuality was rife on the high seas due to lack of women etc.

          The point is that these men had very little access to women and had been exposed to homosexuality since boyhood. The idea of having sexual relations with women was so unknown to them that when they boarded commercial vessels and captured the passengers, very often the women were simply thrown overboard along with whatever loot the pirates didn’t want.

        • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

          LOL!! Dude, epic response my friend. Could not have been more perfect. I applaud you and thank you for humoring this silly nipple (^-^)

          http://images.t-nation.com/forum_images/7/d/7dfa3_ORIG-applause.gif

      • JWG
  • Ellipsis

    Not an asteroid, but the sentiment stands.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ueAYUp4rHZI

    • This is prob the only Lars Von Trier movie I actually enjoyed.

      • Dagon

        Best nap I’ve ever taken was watching Melancholia at the theater.

      • Ellipsis

        Painfully long, but I did enjoy it. The opening sequence is fantastic.

      • Tyree

        I still think about this movie every once in a while. Sort of left an impact on me.

  • I’M ON VACATION!

    While everyone else is getting shitfaced and watching the game, I’ll be alone in my dorm room typing up a project proposal for my Courts seminar. It was supposed to be a group effort, but all three of my assigned group members dropped the course last week. Fun times all around!

  • Buttzugawa the Haikuist

    in spent sun’s low light
    friends gather for merriment
    i’m alone with cats

    • JWG

      One is never truly alone, with cats.

      They may treat you like furniture most of the time, but every now and then you get an acknowledgement that they need you that makes up for every other moment of indifference.

    • BLXKKBEXRD

      I lub my cat.

    • Ethan, the Pokémon Trainer

      Sometimes I just stay at house to comb my Persian’s hair. #EthanFacts

  • this is going to rule! diehard pats fan born and raised in New England. my club is in the championship! this freaking rules!

    • HOT TAKE at the beginning of the game: Pats win it. By a large margin. I didn’t bet on the game for this very reason.

    • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

      Nope. I refuse to support the Patriots because I’m from NY.

  • GreenleafGreenleaf

    I made the mistake of going to the supermarket today and overheard some bdubs bros,” Now all we need to buy are some bitches on aisle five bro!” “HAHAHA sick bro!” It was surreal. There were basketball shorts and camo involved. I would have been unsurprised to see truck nuts on their shopping cart.

    • Woah. That is unreal bromanship.

    • DDubya.

      New in town? Pull up a seat and stay a while.

      • BLXKKBEXRD

        Legolas avatar? Alright in my book.

      • GreenleafGreenleaf

        I’ve actually been here awhile, but I almost never comment. I’m Arielle from the facebook group. Glad to see so many fellow LOTR dweebs around.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      They DO EXIST…

    • Ethan, the Pokémon Trainer

      Welcome and take a seat in toilet, Elf.

      • Ethan, the Pokémon Trainer

        LOL. I forgot to take off my costume…

  • COORS ORIGINAL WOOOOOOOO

  • Dagon

    I wish I was stateside partaking in football shenanigans. Read that as “I wish I was drunk hitting on drunker human girls”.

  • Dagon

    How was Katy’s performance?

  • JWG

    It’s quiet in my neighbourhood, but that’s normal for Sunday, so I can not tell if there really are as many sportsball fans in Victoria as our local paper’s Sunday edition suggested there are.

    Will wait for the end of the game and see if there’s an spontaneous partying, although that will (again according to the newspaper) require that the Waterfowl win again.

  • Tyree

    Super Bull!!!

    WOOOOO!!! Miller Lite is the best beer ever!!! WOOOOOO!!!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=An_-OOzmHII

    • MeatheadRobOnTheDownLow

      Fuck Yeah, Bro!

  • FeelTheDarkness

    I just wanna see KP’s bewbs

    • There is a better chance of Roger Goodell resigning tonight than there is a “wardrobe malfunction”.

      • FeelTheDarkness

        I don’t need a malfunction. I just wanna be hypnotized in HD.

  • OOOOOH SHIT

  • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

    I got up and left the room when New England scored. I’m now listening to Bad Company.

    • FeelTheDarkness

      Of course you are

  • These poor McDonald’s employees…

  • PhoenixKing Leonhart

    Machete + Brady Bunch = fun times.

  • Stockhausen

    LESSON PLAAAAAANS.

  • DDubya.

    I just ate a self-loathing-inducing amount of Mac’n’Cheese.

  • Tyree

    I think one of the teams did a good thing.

  • Dagon

    It says “live” on my TV but I want to double check. Is it tied at 14 pts by the end of the 2nd?

  • Tyree

    Lenny Kravitz, OMG! Fucking No.

    • WHYYYY

      • Tyree

        BEACH BALL BOOBS!

        • Jefrey Waylon Mann

          I think I saw one of the Powerpuff Girls.

      • This is the worst Slash replacement possible.

    • Scrimm

      FLUSH

    • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

      Fuck Lenny with a giant cactus for butchering American Woman by the Guess Who.

  • Tyree

    ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?!?!

  • MISSY GODDAMN ELLIOT!!!!

  • FeelTheDarkness

    Disappointed

  • BLXKKBEXRD

    As someone watching from the sidelines, while being too drunk to pay attention, and failing at every boss fight possible, dis is turning out to be a good SBS

  • Tyree

    The announcer just said “Two huge men going at it”.

  • BLXKKBEXRD

    What is Dubya’s opinion on Seahawks?

    • BLXKKBEXRD

      What I mean is the war is on all hawks, right?

      • I’m pretty sure he wants death to all the bastards. What say you @disqus_kqxyUNPxty:disqus

  • Tyree

    Still waiting for this to happen.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RGJb2iLvOKE

  • MeatheadRobOnTheDownLow

    Hey Bros!

  • Shit getting WILD

    • BLXKKBEXRD

      crazy interception

      • Cannot believe they threw it

        • BLXKKBEXRD

          look at these heathens

          • Tyree

            This is turning into a hockey game.

          • Ellipsis

            Let them throw down after the game.

          • BLXKKBEXRD

            well, uh… *riots*

            or something…

          • BLXKKBEXRD

            Ron Swanson commercial >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

          • Tyree

            That was awesome!

          • FeelTheDarkness

            Ron Swanson for President!!!

          • more beer

            Stupidest play I’ve ever seen. Then a penalty with Brady in his own endzone they gave the game away.

  • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

    I’m done with sports for a while. I can’t tolerate a Patriots win.

    • MeatheadRobOnTheDownLow

      Don’t be mad bro.

  • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    both at once–1st vid muted–2nd vid 100% vol

    http://youtu.be/aAufsbOoQws

    http://youtu.be/j7VBbWuC_zM

  • Lacertilian
  • FeelTheDarkness

    For reals?

  • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    billions—worshipping the tv cube——submitting to star trek philosophy—and the path

    to destroy human games and spirit—in the final times of u.n.media war on earth citizens—into pre scripted fake sports scenarios–as staged racial division tv skits

    enforced babbling idiocy—as the ultimate pedestal of religion—as nonsense—broadcast 24 hours a day—to all people—all the time

    desperate times—the beginning of insanity and hallucinations–in all world leaders and their philosophies–

    making no sense—yet all encompassing–and unstoppable
    right before the whisperings of 911 hoax information and worldwide spirit awakening bring revelation and freedom ===from the stagnation
    1st/2nd vid muted
    3rd vid full vol
    all at once

    http://youtu.be/7o5Wezhzf9s

    http://youtu.be/K2aNDJhbA3g

    http://youtu.be/CwMxJxoQAgE